And it is time to get solar powered. We welcome you to another episode, a very special episode of the solar powered podcast where we celebrate the world changing magic of ordinary people sharing extraordinary stories. Or do I have a story for y'all today? I'm Ryan Hall. Thank you so much for joining us here today. This was definitely not the podcast episode that I had planned on recording today. Not even close. Had to reschedule with a really cool guest.
And I wanted to start by telling y'all a story. I wrote about this in mining for my voice. Devoted an entire chapter to this particular creature. I remember god. It was maybe, you know, coming after coming out of 2013, which, to that point, was one of the hardest years for my mental health. 2012, 2013, unemployment. You know? Just I was not in a good place at all. And I had thought in early, in early 2014, I had thought many times, you know, what's the point of me being here.
I'm not gonna say I ever came up with a plan to as the euphemism states to unalive myself, but the thought was definitely there. So I made a choice. I made a decision to to start looking for a dog. I'd always wanted to have a dog of my own, but, you know, kind of in my frazzled mind, I wanted that dog to keep me from unaliving myself. And I knew I wanted to to do a rescue.
And, I had gone into the Wiregrass Humane Society in Dothan, Alabama for, you know, 2 or 3 times and just really nothing, you know, nothing really stood out to me. Nothing really stood out to me. I I walked a couple of dogs. Like, I I do remember this one, like, shepherd, kinda German shepherd ish kinda dog. Blonde your hair. I mean, this dog was that a thick coat. Big boy too. I just didn't really feel a connection. That was before February 17, 2014.
I walked in there, thinking I'd give it one last shot. Around to the corner around to the corner, and I I saw this big white goofball. Big boy. Right? Solid white. Really outgoing, like, really confident. Right? I stuck my, I stuck my hand in the cage, and he sniffed my hand. And I'm not exaggerating here. I felt a spark. I felt electricity. Like this was a connection. And I asked them, can I take this guy up for a walk? And then the the worker there says to me, oh, this was a handful.
This is Pete. Think y'all probably know where I'm going with this. I knew he was the one. Like, I knew without any shred of doubt that he was the one. And he saved my life constantly. Every day since February 17, 2014, he has saved my life. You know, I remember it was I'd maybe had him about a year. I'd maybe had him about a year. He was, I mean, we we we were definitely bonded by that point, but I had just gotten off of a call with my coach. I knew it was coming.
Like, I knew it was coming, but I had just gotten off of a call with my coach. And Pete just started raising hell, just barking his head off. And I peeked outside my front door and the UPS guy had left a small package. I knew exactly what it was. I opened it, and inside was the proof copy of written in the stone. I sat there on the floor, cross legged, and cried for 2 hours, tears of joy. I cried for 2 solid hours. He did not understand to save his I bless his heart.
He did not understand what was going on. He just knew that I was feeling a lot of feelings. 10 years ago. 11 years ago now. Nope. 10 years ago. And I'm bringing a silly putty right now. We flash forward to flash back rather to the week that my dad passed away. Now I had had Pete at that point less than 10 years, and less than a year rather. I'm gonna get to why I'm speaking about this, but I'd had him less than a year at that point.
And that entire week after dad passed away, he never left my side. His head his big granite head was glued to my side. We got through it. Driving up the Jersey Turnpike headed into New York City, I'm crying like a baby. He doesn't understand. Look, Pete. It's New York City. You know, I share all this because because Pete, Pete passed away today. Today's November 4, 2024. I'm not a huge fan of the the rainbow bridge rainbow bridge meme, but it does feel appropriate.
And I did get to take one last walk with him. We went down to this little courtyard. He relieved himself. Everything was fine. And there's this little courtyard area near my building where I live, and I sat down on this park bench, Pete laying down on the ground. Because a lot of times I like to go there and, like, pray and meditate. But when we were trying to get back in the get back in the house, He couldn't get up. Like, he could not stand.
And when I finally got him, got him up on all 4 of his feet, he was wobbly. He couldn't, like, he couldn't walk. And then my heart absolutely sank because I checked his gums and his tongue, and they were pale. His heart was stopping. His heart was fainting. And just, you know, in full transparency, he had developed some, like, some puffiness, some fluid around his chest. I, you know, I did not really have the money to be able to to be able to get him the proper vet care that he needed.
And I believe that was you know, when that developed, that was the end. That that was the beginning of the end. You know? I'm sharing all of this today and being super vulnerable today because I feel like a lot of us live with regret. A lot of us live with just regret and shame and guilt of what we did and didn't do. And, I'm feeling a lot of that right now. Feeling a lot of that right now. But, intellectually, I understand. Intellectually, I get it.
I really don't think there was a thing I could have done differently. It was just his time. It was this time. And I really you know, I I don't want to belabor the point of what I couldn't and didn't do for him. But what I really wanna do is I really I wanna honor him. I wanna honor him. I wanna honor that little idiot who, just by being alive, saved my life. Constantly over and over and over again has saved my life. Yeah. I find it funny.
Like, I find it really funny that and funny, not so much in a, you know, in a kind of way, but I find it funny. I find it very ironic that when we, when we bring a pet into our lives, when we bring somebody like that into our lives, we, like, we understand. Right? We understand that they're not gonna be with us for very long. You know, my my mom and dad, we had this dog, like, when I was in high school and college, but the girl's name was Bailey.
Bailey was a just a beautiful, like, great Dane mix. She she was huge. She had, like, this white splotch right across her chest. Yeah. And I think, like, my dad let her out one night. I think he got confused, and she ended up getting hit by a car. You know, I'm grateful that that Pete's end did not involve suffering. I don't believe he suffered He ate. First thing this morning, he ate. I don't believe he was in pain. Even though he was unable to walk, I don't believe he was in pain.
I don't believe, I mean, he might have been scared, and lord knows I was. I just think the I just think the biggest thing that we can really learn from this, that we all can learn from this, And I'm gonna include myself right at the top of this list, but I think the biggest thing that we can really, learn from all this is that we just trust ourselves. I trusted that, you know, things were gonna be okay and that he would know when it would be time for him to go.
Happened to pick today of all days. We can't force anything. We just can't force it. We can't force life. Dogs and cats are put on this planet to help us get through life. I I I truly believe that, and I also truly believe that there is a reason why dog spelled backwards as god. Because the heart, the the soul, the presence, just the purity that a dog has, I think it's the closest thing to I don't wanna say Nirvana, but I think it's the closest thing to, you know, like a Christ like perfection.
You know? And I'm choosing to celebrate who he was and still is. I'm choosing to celebrate the good boy that he is. I'm choosing to celebrate what he has been for me and done for me over and over and over again. I don't wanna focus on the like, I don't wanna focus on the what if. I don't wanna focus on the fear and the, you know, and the guilt and the shame that I that I could have. I want to focus I wanna focus on the joy. You know?
I wanna focus on the joy and just the immense joy that little idiot brought me over the years. And I think I wanna close with the story. Back in Alabama, we lived, you know, we lived in a little house, at decent sized yard. And I tried to teach him how to play fetch. He really understood the assignment when it came to go in and get it. But bless his heart, he never understood the the concept of bring it back. I had to chase him. You know?
I don't care if it was just, if it was a ball, if it was a stick, it was a Frisbee. I don't care. He never got it. And I'm choosing to remember him that way. Pete, I'm gonna miss you, buddy. I already do. Your mortal story is finished, but your story in this world it's gonna outlast me. I truly believe that. Oh, I thank you for watching and listening to the solar powered podcast. I'm not gonna give my spiel today. I just wanna say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I've gotten so many phone calls and text messages and well wishes today. It's it's been a very hard day. It's been a very difficult day, but I'm choosing to remember it. I'm choosing to remember it in in the way that he was for me. Happy, funny, and the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you all so much.