And it looks like we are live. We welcome you to another oh, it is time to get Soul-R Powered. We welcome you to episode 107 here at the Soul-R Powered podcast. I'm Ryan Hall from Royal Arts Media. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy Monday evening to join us here today. And before we get on with our guests, and we've got a big roster of guests here today, I just wanted to mention I just wanted to read a little bit.
And this is from the back cover of the Expanding Man Chronicles book. It is in it's in our DNA. Men are storytellers. From the dawn of the human race, men have been regaling their families and their tribes on their exploits from a hunting expedition or from the battlefield. The stories we tell today are far different from the stories of men of our fathers' and grandfathers' ages. Our stories have evolved and expanded as our roles as men have expanded and evolved.
And that is why I wanted to create the Expanding Man Chronicles book to share the stories of men from all ages, from all, you know, walks of life, from all, you know, all places in their lives. And it is truly an honor to welcome the expanding men to our, to the Soul-R Powered podcast here today. And I would love for each one of you to introduce yourselves and just kinda say a little bit about yourself and what your chapter in the Expanding Man Chronicles was about.
And let's start with, let's start with Edwin Edwin Aristor. Hey, Ryan. Thank you so much. I'm super humbled and grateful to be part of this conversation with this esteemed group of men. Thank you for spearheading this project. You know, I was part of a book project about two years ago, and this is kinda continuation of my journey of self-healing and just being more vulnerable.
A big portion of my chapter was around vulnerability, being a first-time father, being a Black father, being a father in the United States. So just having the opportunity to share a little bit of my story. You know, my father passed away when I was really young, so the father wound is very strong.
So having the opportunity to understand what it means to be a man without having a father, growing up and just kind of sharing that story, just sharing some of the ups and downs about, you know, being a man, some of the old school mantras is that you don't show emotions, you know, you're very stoic, you know, just kind of push through.
And I just had a lot of difficulty when I had that mindset and just doing a lot of, you know, men's work, therapy, coaching, just being more open, opening my heart, opening my spirit, allowed me to actually grow as a human being, being a better father, being a better husband, and just being a better man. So really excited to be part of this group project and really excited to be part of this group as well. So thank you, Ryan. My pleasure, Edwin.
And, just full disclosure, you were the last man to join the project, and I think your chapter is, you know, was truly a beautiful addition to the project. So thank you so much, Edwin. Alright. Antonio, you're up next. Hey, Ryan. Thank you for having me. So I'm Antonio Braff. I'm actually trained as a life coach as well, as Ryan through the same institution. And just a little background about me, born and raised here in New York City.
I used to work in financial services, banking, and insurance, and now I'm actually going down the entrepreneurial route trying to launch my own fintech and crypto company and just going through all that is a hot mess regarding capital raise. You never know what tomorrow holds, and just really managing all the emotions and everything that comes with that.
I was just really appreciative when Ryan approached me to get involved with this chapter because it got me to be more vulnerable and transparent about my life and my struggles and everything that comes up for me. You usually can't get to be that way when you're out there raising capital for a startup where you have to kind of put up the best front possible.
And, you know, my chapter was very much geared towards men in my position where they might be in a traditional industry, where there might be traditional definitions around what masculinity is. Maybe they're seeing a bunch of stuff online where, you know, my position was, hey, guys. Don't listen to all the Internet gurus about what it means to be a man when it comes to dating or how to live your life or how to pursue your passions.
And I really wanted to tackle that as someone who's seen a lot of content out there that doesn't really serve men properly. We're each individuals. We're each different. And, you know, we've got our own path in life. So I really wanted to just put that out there regarding men, just really trying to find who they are and what works for them and really get home the message that, you know, those things will line up for them if they stay authentic to that. Beautiful. Beautiful.
And just to, you know, just to kinda let you know, as your chapter evolved, I kinda feel like you found a little bit of yourself on a deeper level, as your chapter evolved. Yeah. Absolutely. I really appreciated going through that exercise with you of, you know, identifying that I wasn't being vulnerable. I wasn't being transparent and authentic and, you know, just slowly and surely opening that up through the revisions.
And I think that's translated into everything that I'm doing with my Just more of that openness, I think it resonates with a lot of folks that I'm talking to, whether it's business relationships, friendships, potential investors, etc. They wanna see that. They wanna get to know you. And, you know, I've seen it as a net positive since that happened. Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you so much, Antonio.
And, James Francis, the author of There's Coffee in the Fridge as well as a really powerful chapter in the Expanding Man Chronicles. You're up next, my guy. Hey. Thanks, Ryan, and thanks for having me. I appreciate it. So I wrote, I'll tell you what I do. I'm an entrepreneur. I currently am a COO of a startup health plan. Antonio, I've been in your seat, and I've sat on the other side of the table as well quite a bit for the last 20 years.
I wrote a book called There's Coffee in the Fridge, which was published last year. I leveraged what I had written in that book into my chapter, which I'll talk about in a second. But my story is basically about recovering from a suicide attempt and dealing with depression and anxiety for most of my life. And so, you know, I think all of us will talk about connection and being vulnerable and the importance of learning more about yourself. It's essentially what I write about.
And I worked my way back from really being at the bottom. I had in 2005, made a lot of money, was living the American dream. I was a former college athlete and worked my way through finance and went to Wall Street and really succeeded in every way that you are told or that we're all told how to succeed. And I was absolutely miserable.
And so, the suicide attempt allowed me and failure allowed me to learn the root causes of really why I was depressed and anxious and helped me learn who I am and why I want to be the way that I want to be. And so the last 18 years or so, I've really learned about connection. And my chapter in Expanding Man Chronicles is about that. It's about teaching kids through athletics. That's my main genre. I also coach high school lacrosse. But teaching young athletes how to be connected.
Competition's great. I love sports. I love all things competitive. And at the same time, we can teach boys how to be connected men. And I think that's really important. So my chapter really gets into just exercises and talks about what connection is and how meaningful that is. And it allows boys to be vulnerable in their interactions with men, and they need role models that are willing to take them down that path. Absolutely. Absolutely.
And we will include a link once this video goes up on YouTube and my podcasting platforms. We'll certainly include a link to where you can purchase a copy of There's Coffee in the Fridge. It is an incredibly powerful book. So thank you so much for, thank you so much for sharing, James. Appreciate it. Rob Rudowitz, you're up next. Hi, everybody. Rob Rudowitz. Yeah. This was a, it really was a healing journey for me in writing this.
I have been kind of dabbling in, you know, just kind of online writing and just touching upon parts of my life, but I really didn't dive deep in anything. I have kind of a blog that I would write for. And this really allowed me to dig deep and to go deep, and to be truly authentic and truly vulnerable. I have been practicing vulnerability for a number of years, but I was never really that good at it, because it was all sort of surface stuff, and I had a lot of fear around it.
You know, I really enjoyed everybody's contribution to this book. And I have to say, Jim, I was particularly drawn to yours for a number of reasons. You know? I had a lot of trauma as a kid, and this chapter I wrote allowed me to really dive into it and kind of bring it up, never really realizing how traumatic some situations were, because I always did sort of the comparison. You know, I was a police officer for 20 years, and I had friends that had traumas that are just unfathomable.
I touched upon it in my chapter. So I did the comparison thing, and, you know, mine happened 50 years ago, and blah blah blah. But as I explored it, it really came to the surface and allowed me to take a really good look at it and heal. You know? I I have to use that word a lot because it this really was a healing experience. And, Jim, when I talked about, you know, being sort of, drawn to your to your chapter, you know, the the the I I was I despise sports as a kid. You know?
And, you know, everybody around me, I grew up in a neighborhood that that was all sports. You know? And and I wanted to play music, and and I got, you know, I I got the crap beat out of me because I did not wanna play sports, and I wanted to play music and and got called some, you know, pretty disgusting names that you know, by adults, that were in my life. And so, you know, in in in seeing how sports can can shape a young kid, I I looked at that and I thought, wow.
I really I I I I wonder what how how my path would have evolved had I played sports, had I, you know, been a part of that whole team concept and had and had an actual mentor, you know, had an actual, individual in my life that that could that could guide me. You know? I didn't have any of that. So, yeah, it's been a real interesting process.
And, you know, to hear my fiancée talk about her watching me go through this process as I was writing and sort of projecting me as I was going through the process was pretty interesting. So good stuff. I love you saying that because really, a big piece of expanding who we are as men is evolving who we are as men. And for you to say that piece about your fiancée picking up on that evolution during this whole process, I think, is incredibly powerful.
Yeah. And, you know, it was it was kinda I got a chuckle out of when I read your description, you know, initial description about men are storytellers. And I thought, you know, throughout pretty much my entire life, I was a storyteller, but they were all untrue. All the stories I told about myself were untrue. They were untrue stories. They were window dressing. They were that I—they were stories about, you know, how I thought the world wanted to see me, not who I was. You know?
So I got a chuckle out of that description that men are storytellers because now, you know, I can honestly say that, yeah, I told my story and it was true and it was the truth. So thank you for having me be a part of this. No. My pleasure. My pleasure. And a powerful story it was. So thank you, Rob. Steve Strother, you're up next. Alright. Yes. I'm Steve Strother. I'm a life coach and writer, and thanks for having me here, Ryan.
And, yes, the chapter I wrote is called "Expanding to a New Definition of Love." It is what it is is is really a story of my life, my whole life actually, but, but especially a period of time over about a 25 year time period. Starting with, you know, again, writing about expanding my definition of love, but I start from a place where I was probably about as far away from love and really being able to feel love and also the with and who love as I sort of been around her heart or ever been.
And that was a a time of such, extreme anxiety that I that I was having panic attacks. And I start actually much happened with the worst of all the panic attacks I ever had. And, and also the last one that I've had, so it's up to this point. And basically, I do a from there, tell my story of how I worked through healing that anxiety.
And from there, I go through a number of other times in my life, you know, from healing that anxiety to other major events of my life, being the birth of my daughter, which, of course, connected me to a whole new level of growth that I've never experienced before, to other major events such as, you know, two marriages, a divorce, career challenges, etc. And then starting my own business as a coach, at the end of a 20-plus-year career in sales,
and being laid off from that career and deciding it's time to go for what I've always wanted to do, which was own my own business and, kind of things. And basically, what in looking back around that 20 to 25-year time period in my life, what I realized is I moved from that place of extreme fear to a place of realizing how much bigger love is than I ever thought it was.
And that being bigger to not only love as we think of it as, like, in our romantic sense or love of family, but love of self, huge. You actually can't really love anybody else more than, you know, in any way you don't hardly love yourself. You're not loving yourself in a way you're not with the most for us. So love of self, love of life, love of others, love of the divine. And so I tell that. And really, what I've realized and this piece just has happened over the last few years.
When I look at everything, you know, the issues, challenges I've had in my life, when I look at the challenges that we face in this world, what I've realized is the answer to all of that is more love. You know, the more we love, the better all of that gets. And then we've asked the story that I tell them much after. And ultimately, that connection to love has helped me learn, grow, and evolve as a man.
And it always will from here on out because it's all it's gonna be it's something that's gonna continue to evolve throughout the rest of my life. And what I'm doing in this chapter is telling my story so that I can help others do the same. And we thank you so much, and we've got something else we're gonna talk about here later on in this livestream. So thank you so much. And, last but not least, George Wentworth. You should have changed my last name to A. So I'm George Wentworth.
I hail from Brazil originally. I moved here when I was a kid, and this writing process was cathartic in a lot of ways. Ryan knows that. We've gone through a lot of iterations of this chapter. So I had to revisit a lot of things that had happened to me when I was still a kid. Some of it, I had dealt with.
Some of it, I could really identify with Robert because I had shoved it away and sort of created not necessarily untrue, but I had created versions of the story that were easier probably for me to deal with and to talk to other people about. So to have to revisit that and talk about that openly and honestly was really difficult. But at the end, the experience, I think, really helped me sort of move past a lot of those feelings and hopefully will help others that have gone through the same thing.
So my chapter, I talk about working on building resilience through mentorship and throughout my life. I've had a handful of wonderful people that took their time to help me through adversity or teach me new tools and skills and life lessons, and I took those. I took everything.
But coming from a different country, learning new ways, and a place in a society at the time that wasn't necessarily as favorable to me, coming to terms with my sexuality as a gay man, being rejected by the family that I lived with, and experiencing, you know, homelessness, and carving a path through that to get to where I am today, where I live in New York, where I run a successful business, and have, you know, a loving family and some wonderful friends.
But if you cut from the beginning to the end with a nice line, it sounds wonderful and very charming. But the truth of life is it's messy. And you go up and you go down. It's not a straight line. It was not a sort of straight, smooth upwards motion. There were some bumps in there. There were some, several detours, till I got where I am today. I'm very thankful and grateful for everything that happened because I'm happy with where I am today. I'm happy with the direction my life is going.
I know I'm stronger because of those experiences. But if anything, I think this book—and I'm speaking from my own chapter, but also reading everybody else's chapter—that if you are someone out there that is struggling with whatever it is that it might be, if you read this book, you'll probably identify with at least one of us and know that your experience is not unique.
There are others that have gone through the same thing and have survived, and we are stronger and better at the other end somehow. So if anyone is reading the book or watching this and is about to read the book, at least come out with that. Because I know when I was struggling, if I knew there were others out there that were going through the same things or had gone through the same things, it would just give me that little bit more strength that I lacked at the time.
But like I said, I was lucky enough to have a handful of mentors that helped me build my resilience up and get through things. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for sharing that, George. I thought, like, I was certainly drawn to your chapter because of just, like, the whole, like, the whole cliché of started from the bottom, and now I'm here, you know, with apologies to Drake, I think that was. But Now we're gonna have to pay royalties. Well, I yeah.
I didn't mention the title of this in in Whatever. But being able to, you know, being able to know where you were and being able to build up to the business owner, the entrepreneur, the, you know, the community leader that you have become is incredibly powerful. So thank you so much for, thank you so much for your contribution as well. Thank you for the opportunity. It was absolutely wonderful. Painful at times, but wonderful overall. Yeah. No. Storytelling, you you know, it's like you said.
Storytelling can be ugly. You're telling our story can be ugly. Being able to tell our story, but without reliving our story can be scary as hell, but it is incredibly rewarding. So, you know, one one thing that is coming up for me, and I would love to get some feedback from some of y'all, is these stories that we share. We're seven men. We come from seven different walks of life. We're, you know, we come from all over the world, really. But some of our stories are just universal.
Stories of finding ourselves. Stories of, you know, really discovering who we are. Stories of, you know, coming to grips with being a first-time father. I mean, all so many of our stories are universal, and I think that is one of the most powerful aspects of how this book came out is that there's, you know, there there's no broad brush, so to speak, that we can paint any of our stories with.
Yeah. So I I had I titled my chapter Detours Are Not Dead Ends because as I was going through the process, I saw just how I was redirected at times. You know? I didn't know it at the time, but I can clearly see it now. And, you know, the the the the the detours I had were a result of rage, were a result of fear, were a result of shame, were a result of humiliation, were a result of my addictions over the years.
And, you know, when I talk about anger, when I talk about shame, when I talk about not being able to be vulnerable, you know, I think a lot of men can relate to that. I think a lot of men for a variety of reasons. You know? It may not be rage, but they can identify with, you know, the anger. And, you know, my rage was turned inward, so it resulted in, you know, years of depression. You know? My rage was not overt. It didn't come out at times until I had, you know, meltdowns for various reasons.
But, you know, I'm involved in 12-step programs, and, you know, I can articulate some of these things. And, you know, there's a lot of men that shake their heads, and a lot of men will say, you know what? I, you know, whatever he, you know, and will identify with that. So, yeah, there are some universal aspects to this. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Edwin, I believe you're a really good example of this because what is one of the most universal aspects that so many men aspire to is aspire to being a good father? And I find, like, I found that, especially with some of the circumstances that you have, you know, being a first-time father and your father passed away when you were so young, you know, that's one of the most universal aspects I think so many men really experience.
Yeah. Absolutely, Ryan. I think for me, my journey is just thinking about, I get to create this relationship with my son based on if I had my dad around, this is the type of relationship I wanna have. And I think that was really telling to, like, really explore and unpack, you know, like I said, you know, being a first-time dad, not having a father growing up. Like, what does it really mean to be a man? What is masculinity?
And I had a lot of challenges, you know, with, you know, with drinking, putting, you know, all my emotions bottled up, and, like, how you said that internal rage, like, it was inside, and then it would come out in outbursts and just nastiness and just not being really authentic to what I'm just going through from an emotional perspective. So having the opportunity to really unpack, you know, why am I feeling certain ways, really being vulnerable.
Like, I think vulnerability is a superpower, and I think about Brené Brown and all these other stories, like, whatever. But when you actually are vulnerable, like, you build such deep connections, you really get to know another human being, another human soul. So for me, like, talking to, you know, fathers, understanding their journey, understanding that, hey. It's not gonna be perfect. We're gonna have a lot of mistakes, but I think we have grace and we still show up on a day-to-day basis.
Like, I wanna be that person for my son. He is so special to me. I adore him. He has such a big personality. He's only 3, but he's, like, going to 33 just based on his personality, but I love the experience to be with him, and just really just be playful. I think having him allowed me to become playful again. Like, we're reading comic books together. We're watching cartoons. I think, you know, being that stoic guy, being that strong person, sometimes I think men just wanna play.
And I knew I wanted to play, and having the son has allowed me to play again. I love that. I love that. Just really almost reconnecting with your inner child in a way. Absolutely.
Yeah. And I wanna direct this one to Jim because, like, the way that your story kind of evolved, especially the story that you shared in, in Expanding Man Chronicles, you're specifically using your platform as a youth lacrosse coach, as a high school lacrosse coach to really help those boys become more connected and more vulnerable men. Yeah. Exactly. And I as Edwin was talking, I was thinking about, the fact that because of what you've learned, you're gonna teach your son how to be a good man.
Right? Your definition of a good man. And, Robert, it's interesting. So my son is 20 almost 26. So he's had the benefit of living with me as I've gone through this evolution over the last 18 years. Right? When I tried to suicide, he was 6. And so he is now a 25-year-old man who has learned how to be a good man because I learned how to role model that for him. And and Robert, my son's an artist. He grew up in a house with athletes. I was an athlete. I was a coach.
And he's now a paid artist living in Sweden, you know, living his creative dream. So, I love what you, what the story that you're telling. It's unfortunate that you had to live through that pain. But my hope is for this book to start a conversation. Right? To get men talking and get people who are connected to men talking about what this is all about. Right? The seven of us are sitting here having a conversation in a very connected way.
We've all lived very similar fears and traumas and disasters, but we found the other side of that, right, which is this loving connection that we wanna have in our lives. And so I just having that conversation, and I've talked to hundreds and hundreds of men at this point in telling my story. Right? And when I stand up in front of a room and I talk about athletics. Right? I'm 6 foot 4. I was an All-American in college.
Like, I'm the poster child for toughness and grit and all the things that, you know, we all think are great. And then when I say, but I was completely unhappy and miserable and wanted to take myself off this planet. People, they sit up and they're like, what? Are you kidding me? You had everything that anybody could ever want. Why would you wanna do that?
And that's where the real connection starts to happen and breaks down the barriers of these sort of social norms that we all think are important. Right? If you looked at my life from the outside, you would say this guy's done it all. He's got everything. But if you knew me, if you really sat and knew me, and I really let you in, you would have understood the pain that I was living, the depression, the anxiety.
And so for me, going out onto a field with a bunch of guys, right, a bunch of kids, they're not men, they're kids, they're 15 to 18 years old. Right? Teaching them how to meditate, teaching them how to slow down and stop and breathe. Right? Kid comes onto a practice field and somebody says something about his shoes. He's 15 years old. Right? He's surrounded by 30 guys, and somebody's making fun of his footwear. That kid's gonna carry that for a long, long time. Like, that has massive impact.
Right? That's like cellular-level pain. To take that kid aside and teach him how to breathe through that is a magical thing. Now it's a small component, right, of their whole life, but reaching in and touching that kid in that way, I think, is so important, and it's something that I want him to carry with him as he moves forward. And so that's the type of connection I'm talking about.
You know, it's I'm I'm glad you you you said all that, Jim, because it it really in my writing on my social media, you know, I'm still connected with a lot of guys from my neighborhood that were that were the athletes that, you know, that that that, you know, they they played football and baseball and basketball and, you know, they were they were the neighborhood macho athletes. You know? It's kind of funny because and I was not connected to them as a kid. You know?
We everybody knew each other, but they I had no connection with these guys. But it's kind of ironic now because as as as I put my writing out there on social media, these are the guys that are making the comments to me admiring my writing, admiring my vulnerability, admiring the the the inspiration that they're getting from it, you know. In in even in the smallest ways, whatever.
I just find it kind of ironic that these are the guys now that are, I guess, in a way, looking at me like I looked at them 40 years ago, 50 years ago. It's kind of it's it's it's you know? That's why I say detours are not dead ends. I mean, it's like, you know, these things just come full circle, I guess. I don't know. That's awesome.
No. No. It I mean, that I was just gonna say it's almost it it's a total full circle moment because, you know, because, you know, Rob, like you said, the guys from your neighborhood, who, you know, who you grew up with are reading your pieces and are like, yeah. This is, you know, this is powerful stuff. So thank you so much. Antonio, wanted to wanted to talk to you about this.
As you said in your introduction, you come from the, you know, you come from the financial services world in New York City, which is notoriously kind of, you know, kind of, like, the ultimate kind of bro-y kind of place. You know?
And how did you kind of manage your way through that, and really kind of finding your own way as you were not just coming up, you know, through that world, but also coming up, you know, through the, you know, life coaching certification that we both graduated from as well as, you know, seeing your own, like, entrepreneurial vision start to come together.
Yeah. Yeah. To your point, you know, financial services are very, I guess, stereotypical alpha if, you know, that's the word to use to describe that environment where the person that has the loudest bark tends to get you attention and maybe moving up, promoted, etc., even if you're not skilled for it, just being around a lot of that.
I think the thing that made a huge difference, you know, George mentioned earlier mentorship, and I definitely touch in the chapter about building multiple support networks. I think that was a because this is predating me training as a life coach and being able to generate that stuff internally. Right?
So, like, going through that before I ever had that experience, I think for me, just having different people around me that I was able to trust and use as sounding boards, where we'd be able to talk on the side and I'd be able to share what's coming up for me. And they'd be able to share what they're seeing, both in a nonjudgmental way really assisted in just learning how to navigate that. I never had to pretend to be somebody I wasn't. Like, I was never gonna be the loud person.
But what I learned was just, like, finding your voice and just being confident in where you are and just speaking up, you know, the best way you know how. That resonates. People hear you. And if I didn't have different support structures around me, I don't think that would have happened because I needed others to talk to me to help me kinda see a path that works for me instead of trying to copy everyone else and try to be loud, which wouldn't have worked out. Right?
Like, that's not who I am to, like, scream the loudest in a room. And I think that we live in a world where, you know, we all walk our own paths, and we see a lot of guys. You know, I talk in the chapter about not following Internet gurus or a lot of people for that matter because each person has their own path. They're their own person. And, you know, I think that one has to find that to really, you know, find their path and move forward and just find their confidence. Totally. Totally.
But finding your own way through that is, you know, absolutely crucial to really discovering just who you are. You know? Yeah. Yeah. And, I mean, as everyone's talking, like, I just keep going back to, like, I was very fortunate to have so many different support structures by default just growing up and even working. Just being in financial services, I was also part of many professional organizations.
So I had colleagues that worked at other companies that I can speak to where when I spoke to them, I didn't have to worry about any repercussions when I had an honest conversation. So, that's definitely, like, for anyone listening to this that is in a typical, like, corporate environment. Build those professional networks outside of your immediate job environment because, you know, you can leverage those folks as sounding boards to help you navigate, you know, corporate. Absolutely.
Absolutely. And I think that leads into the question that I wanted to ask George is that, is that you're you came from a you came from a foreign country. You're you're openly gay. You're and you're finding but you've had to find your own way through really uncovering a lot of rubble in your life. And just like Antonio, just like, I think, all of us, we found our own way not inside of a vacuum. Yes. And it wasn't prepackaged. For sure.
I do agree with Antonio on building a network outside of your work. I think it's very important to build a network outside of your company, wherever it is that you work, because it might be in a toxic environment. And by having a network outside of that environment, they will have a different perspective. And then you can expand that to your life or your family, to having friends that aren't your relatives necessarily.
Or, you know, just having a network of people that are outside of your immediate bubble, helps sort of get that advice that is more bird's-eye view, that isn't contaminated by the immediacy of where you are. But for me, yes. Coming from another country, being openly gay.
And I had made the decision, once, you know, I entered that whole situation of being, you know, 16, 17, and, being, I mean, there was no nice word for it, but just being thrown out, sort of in the streets of Boston because of who I was. But I made a decision at that point that I was going to live an authentic life, and I was going to be who I was. And I realized because being or trying to be somebody else would still get me in trouble anyway.
So at least I could be authentic, and know that I was living a truthful life. And if I was still going through a hardship because of that, then so be it. But I found that, you know, at least professionally, being foreign and, you know, being openly gay didn't really hold me back the way you would have, you know, thought. There are still, you know, there are microaggressions that I still hear to this day. Not so much in New York. I mean, once I moved to New York, I felt like it was home.
It's a very diverse and inclusive environment. And if people have to tell you to go, you know, fuck off, they're gonna tell you that regardless of who you are. So at least it's Antonio's laughing. He knows it's true. As a New Yorker, he can't tell me that I'm not telling the truth. And the same thing for my work environment. I mean, I had to work hard. Like I said, I got some wonderful breaks. I had some really good mentors. They didn't really give me things.
They gave me tools and showed me how they should be used. And, you know, it's sort of like teaching me how to fish rather than giving me a fish. And I'm very thankful for those. But I've also had friends that listened or gave me advice or sometimes just a shoulder to cry on because it's hard, you know. And sometimes we have bad days, and we're tired, and we feel like we know we can't give up, but we feel like giving up.
So having that support system, that network of people that you can really count on, that will give you that pep talk or just let you vent. You know, sometimes we have to get that negativity out so we can move past it. Which is why I'm being biased here. So, hopefully, nobody else will hate me. But detours are not dead ends is my favorite chapter title in the book because it just resonated. I'm like, yes.
Yes. Sometimes that's just what it is when you're going through something rough and tough in your life. It's not a dead end. It's just a detour. And sometimes it needs to bring you to a direction that you didn't even know you needed to go to. So I love that. I love that. Nothing is ever final until they lower you into the ground. No. Yeah. It's like when a door closes, it's because you're not meant to go through it. It leads to a place you were not meant to go.
It leads you to a better it And it's something else's office. You know? It's another door. It's a hallway. It's a window. It's a crawl space. But that will lead you to where you are supposed to be. The door that closed is because you're not meant to go through that door. It was leading to a place that was not yours. And for some reason, I just flashed on the scene in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" where they threw the water fountain out of the window at the asylum. But, no. I kid.
But, you know, it's just such a powerful point that when we, you know, when we kind of pigeonhole ourselves into a certain way of being, into a certain way of existing in this world Mhmm. That limits our opportunities to just be the kind of man that we the kind of men Mhmm. That we were really meant to be.
That's absolutely the you just triggered a thought about what this process really did for me, and it really created this realization for me that if even one thing in my life were different, I would not be the man I am right now. I would not be where I am right now because that detour 20 years ago may have brought me somewhere else. So when I look back and, you know, people will say, well, if there was anything that you would change in your past, what would it be?
I would say nothing because if I changed anything, I might not be where I am today. And this process really, really brought clarity around that for me. I don't know if anybody has ever seen, it was called "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. Gosh, I can't remember the college that he was a professor at, but he was like months away from dying from pancreatic cancer, and he was giving his last lecture. And as he talked through his lecture, he talked about giving a couple of head fakes.
In other words, it was, you know, I'm talking to you about me, but really this is about you, and that's one head fake. Well, the final head fake that he disclosed at the end of his lecture was this lecture was not for you. It was for my kids. And I thought about that as I was writing my story that, you know, yeah, this is for other men. Yeah. This is for individuals who might be, but it really was for my kids. It really was for my kids because I had seen something, gosh.
And it came to me in this process of, someday my kids are gonna figure out who I am, and I want them to know the best version of me, and I want them to know what shaped me. So that was kinda like my head fake in this. You know, we were talking about how we influence our children. My son and I have a great relationship. You know, he, over the years, always talked about how I've influenced him, you know?
But my daughter and I, we had kind of a contentious relationship over, you know, different periods. And somebody said to me, I don't know, about 7 or 8 years ago, be the kind of man that you would want your daughter to marry. And man, that was that that just hit me like a ton of bricks. And and I think that that was part of I think that that was part of, my real desire to be a better man, and and to be an expanding man, to use this, you know, this this new terminology that we've, come to love.
That terminology is not that new, but I just love it. And I think it really brings into the last question that I wanted to ask the panel here, is that, yes, we're all men. We're all, you know, we're all men, you know, different stages in our lives. But what has been the experience out in this world? And I'd love to hear from, you know, maybe two or three of you.
But what has been the experience out in this world of the women in your life, the women that may have read this, that may have read your chapter, may have read this book? What's been the experience of maybe them being able to see you a little bit better and a little bit clearer? Yeah. I'm happy to jump in on that. I have had so many people say to me that they now have a better understanding of their father or their uncle or their husband.
And that to me is really magical because that's what you hope for. Right? You hope that people will see themselves or others that they're connected with in the stories, again, to start a dialogue. Right? To start that connection. And so I've had that experience many times, and I've gotten a lot of DMs and emails from people saying, hey. You know what? This makes me understand my dad or my husband, and it's happened dozens of times. Yeah. My kids, both my kids, they were just kinda blown away.
You know, my son, he said to me, he said, this has been a real gift, because they saw me go through various points in life through, you know, through my addiction to alcohol. And so they saw me at some tough periods. And so, you know, my son said to me, this really answers a lot of questions I had. You know? And it really like, both of them said, I have so much respect for you, Dad, for doing this, for allowing us to really get to know you as our father that we may not have otherwise known.
So that was a gift. You know? My relationship with my daughter is just unbelievably close now. And it got closer after this book, after this writing. So that too was a gift. I love that. I love that. And I think last but not least, I want to turn our attention to Steve here. Steve, you got the bug as you were writing your chapter. You got the bug, and you and I have been working for a few months now on your own book.
If you wanted to share a little bit about the birth process of that before we wrap up here. Yeah. Well, I my chapter for the expanded macro articles was definitely the what birth to the the, what I'm writing about for the book, you know, so part of my book. So I'm kinda take kinda start starting with that and building on it because, there's a whole lot more to to be told there when it comes to how that moving into, a deeper understanding of love can help answer the big questions of life. Right?
And, so so yeah. I mean, the process of working on this chapter, expanding that, is what helped me realize that I'm ready to actually write a whole book.
And what I mentioned earlier about having a realization within the last two years or so, when I look at those challenges that I have had, the challenges that I continue to have or will have, and then also the challenges that I see us facing in the world or other people facing, I see that all of them, when it comes to one thing that can help in every area, it is moving into a deeper understanding of what love can do.
And, you know, like, hey, I'm talking about loving, you know, as I mentioned before, of course, it's the traditional sense of romantic love, familial love, but also just loving your neighbor in the truest sense of loving everyone, realizing and seeing that everyone is a spiritual being having a human experience. So you don't have to like everything that someone else is doing, but you can still connect in a loving way with them when you start to understand.
And we're all connected when it comes to that spiritual. I love that, Steve. Thank you. Beautifully said. Beautifully said. Thank you. Really, yeah. Really beautiful. And just a little inside baseball, I think this is gonna be a really special book. So thank you so much. Thank you so much for taking that swim. Mhmm. Absolutely. Thanks for helping me out with that. My pleasure. Be looking for that in the, be looking for that in the summer of 2024. You will be hearing much more about that.
So, gentlemen, this has been a true, we could continue this conversation forever, but this has been a true privilege to get to know each and what each and every one of you, to be able to experience your stories, to be able to get to know you and to be able to call you brothers. And this has been one of the most healing experiences of my life. And I truly believe that this book, Volume 1 of The Expanding Man Chronicles, has truly been one of the most healing experiences of my life.
And, yes, Volume 2 is coming later on this year. We are accepting applications for new authors. Do not miss that. So, gentlemen, it has truly been a privilege. Thank you so much for joining us here tonight. And, go get this book. Go get this book. It's a truly powerful book. It's a truly, I think, powerful experience to be able to experience the men in your life, to be able to experience seven men from seven walks of life in a way that, I think, is kind of an important conversation. So yes.
I think that what this book represents is, and it's what I'm finding out little by little in conversations I'm having, is that we have said what so many men out there wish they could say. Yes. I believe that. Amen. And I know that my experiences in life are not as unique as I thought they might have been, and I know that there's a lot of relatability out there, that men could grow from this book. Yes. Yeah, Robert. Absolutely.
And kind of in that same vein to Ryan's earlier question, the women I've spoken to that have looked at this as well, it's kind of like my peers. For them, it was, they got to see that we're not actually all that different even though we're men and women and that we deal with a lot of the same stuff. Beautiful. So one last thing, Ryan. What's that? Unfortunately, I'm not gonna be able to make it because it's about a three-hour drive from where I live.
But Wednesday night in Jupiter, Florida, there's an amphitheater, and there's a band playing. And the name of the band is The Expanding Man Band, and it is a Steely Dan cover band. And I was I was hoping so bad that we could go down there because I was gonna present them with a book. Oh, man. Keep my eyes open for if they come around this area. Yeah. Keep your eyes open. Keep your eyes open. Well, gentlemen, we have, this has just been an incredible conversation.
Thank you so much for taking the time to listen, to join us later on YouTube and the podcasting platforms. And that'll do it for truly a very special episode of the Soul-R Powered podcast, a presentation of Royal Hearts Media. For more information, just go to royalheartsmedia.com. You can follow me on the social media machine at Ryan Hall Writes on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, or shoot me a good old-fashioned email at royalheartscoaching@gmail.com.
But that'll do it for this episode until we meet again. This is Ryan Hall saying thanks for listening. So long for now. Go expand, and go get soul-R powered.