Hello, and welcome to Something to talk About. I'm Sarah La Marquin, editor and chip.
Ri Stella and your host who the radio presented.
Biancha Die is no stranger to tackling taboos and staring down stigma.
After all, she's been doing it since back when feminism was a.
Dirty word, particularly in the then male dominated world of radio. But her new era, a chapter of her life she describes as fifty, sacked and single, is seeing her having to stare down even more stereotypes. So she navigates mental health, unemployment, and the dating pool.
As a woman in her fifties.
There was never a dull moment when Bianca joined me in the studio today to discuss.
All of this and much more.
And while I.
May have inadvertently scared her by asking if she ever worries about men she's dated playing her infamous voice messages to their friends at the pub, she in turn managed to convince me that her recently sending a seven minute voice message to one such man was in fact a very smart move. Let's see if she convinces you too, Bianca Die, Welcome to Something to talk about.
Hello, beautiful Ferret, so good to be here.
It's lovely to have you here, Lovely to have you in Sydney. Normally, of course, you're based in the Gold Coast, so you have braved the chilly weather in the Southern States because it is the first week oh go, first weekend of winter. So welcome they brighten things up now, Bianca. You wrote a column for this week's issue of Stella where you reveal that you recently left a seven minute voice message for a man you were supposed to go
on a date with. Seven minutes what I know and then what happened next?
You know what? As I say in the article, I really think when you bring up the voice message with people, they are so split. People like either I can feel them like even getting hair and makeup today for the shit like when you start talking about it, people either prickle up like you can feel them prickling, like oh god, this is a voice message person, or they're like, oh my god, are't they great? Like I feel like there's two people in the world. You either love them or
you hate them. And I honestly feel I'm a people person, like I've been in SHOWV since I was sixteen years old, radio, TV, acting whatever. Marilyn Monroe impersonator, whatever it was. I'm a people person, and I honestly feel that the nuances that you have in your voice, like you can't reply as
someone that speaks for a living on the radio. Although it sound like a drag que at the moment, sorry getting over a respiratory infection, I feel that what you can convey in a voice message, with your voice and your nuances and how you say it, is so much more powerful than just a text. So if I'd sent this guy a text for starters, it would have been war and Peace. It would have been the longest text in the history.
Because if you transcribe seven minute voice message and we're in tens of thousands of words, aren't we really first chapter of your next novel?
Yet? We really are? So? And I wanted him to hear because it was I'm going through a lot of things at the moment that I think a lot of fifty year old or middle aged women are. Our show got acced at the end of last year. I'm having to pivot in the middle of my life. It's exciting,
but it's terrifying. I've got an elderly mother that I'm a sole career for because I don't have brothers and sisters from that marriage, being single, going through stuff, This is so much going on, and I wanted him to hear in my voice that it genuinely wasn't him, that I've just got a lot going on, And so I sent this. Literally, I was like, thank you for listening to my ted talk. I said it, and it worked because he genuinely he sent me one back.
He said, you a voice message?
Yeah, and he said I was his voice messy. He was so nice. But the thing was, he said, I've never done this before, and what I love.
I love it.
I guess like dopamine rush when I convert people to the VM because when they message me and they go, okay, I have never done one of these before, Banka die and you are the only person I'm going to do a voice message for. All right, here we go. So hate the sound of my own voice, but here we go. And I guess because I'm a radio an auncer, I'm used to hearing my voice, so I don't worry about how it sounds. But I love converting people. So when he said I've never sent a voice message before, I
was like, Oh, I'm proud of you. Well done. And he said thank you because he said I could hear in your voice just how genuinely you meant what you said, and that it really wasn't me, because he said, if you'd sent that as a text, I would have felt rejected. I would have felt like shit. I would have felt like, ah,
she's making up excuses. This is all bullshit. For me, he said, I heard in your voice, and there was probably moments when my voice might have cracked because I was like my mom and I'm dealing with this and that. And he just said thank you, and I went, oh, see,
they do work. But I've worked with people who literally have said to me, I think the voice message is for selfish people that just love the sound of their own voice because it's very one way and it's just so typical of you be anker, because it's just something you do. You just send a voice message and then you put the phone away and you don't think about it. You know, I've said my piece, and.
It's like I didn't realize it was this polarizing. Can you be a little bit of both When you say there's people that are subscribers to the voice message and then people that are texts, can you can you jump between the two platforms.
I think you can. I think I definitely do both. I'll give a classic example. I've got a beautiful Bessie of mine. She lives in Melbourne, she's got two kids, lives out on a farm. She's busy. I normally were doing Brecky radio for fourteen years. I lead crazy hours up at four fifteen. This might go for a nap, go to the gym, do this, write an article. Whatever
we lead such separate time schedules. I almost feel that it's more selfish of me to expect that when I ring her, she's going to pick up, because you know what, She's in woolies and she's getting the groceries for the kids, and I'll piank's ringing, Oh, I don't have time to chat to you right now. But when she sees a voice message come through, she goes. I get this little smile on my face because I go, I'm going to
get a b die update. I'm going to find out what's going on in the world of dating, what's happening, what happened with the job, what this? That that? And she will listen to it when it suits her. So to me, I actually feel like I'm not being selfish because I'm not ringing her going expecting her to pick up at whenever I'm leaving her a voice message. We've got an unwritten rule. She will listen to it when she's good and ready. What take two days for her
to get to that voice message. She will listen to my little mini podcast, and then she as she's driving around school pick up whatever, she'll send me one back. And so that way we have managed to maint I don't think we've actually spoken on the phone and had a two way conversation in twelve months.
That will be interesting when you do, won't it, Because you'd be like, oh, wait a minute, Wait a minute, this is live.
You're speaking.
Oh that's right, I've got to stop wait for you to talk. Okay, Sorry. But I actually think there is a place for the voice message. I think it can be really powerful, And I understand a lot of people don't like them, but I just think they're not going anywhere, So I feel like people just need to get used to them and embrace it.
Specifically, in the world of dating, everything whether it's the technology through to the nature of how you met, whether it's on a dating app or in real life. There's always that risk, especially in those initial stages of meeting somewhere where you really don't know. Am I dealing with the total psychopath? Am I dealing with somebody that could be the love of my life, the best person ever that's just been waiting for me? Or could I be someone in the middle who's going to be okay but
then probably goes me. I think some people listening, maybe especially women, would think there's a risk that if you send a voice message that it's going to get broadcast and.
Played for his mates down at the pub. Did that cross your mind?
You know, I've never thought of okay. I haven't ever thought of no, no, no. But it's funny you say that, because I never think of the men sit playing them to their friends. But I know that I've got girlfriends who will message me and go, is this an R rated one? Are we going to hear what happened when the guy came back? Or not? Because I've got little ears in the back, the little is here this one
or not? So I now learn, because I don't have kids, that there are some some of my little voice messages that I have to put They have to come with a little like exclamating yes, this is R rated, do not listen with the four year old in the back seat. I had not actually thought about a guy playing that to a friend. But I don't mind, because I guess I would never say anything to a guy that I don't know that well for just dating that I probably wouldn't that I would worry me, as in, that's going
to come back and haunt me. God if I started worrying about that, So can you imagine?
Well, I certainly didn't mean to plannominous thoughts.
You don't meet in your mind?
Oh my god, I mentioned technology and where people meet. There's been a bit of discussion lately that the dating.
Apps are over. That's what a lot? Are they?
Dating expert says, Please, uh, what about you? Are you on the dating apps? Do you think that.
They're still a thing? And if they are.
Going the way of the Dodo headed for extinction?
Is that a blessed relief or is that a real loss?
Okay, here's my thought on that. It is a blessed relief. I absolutely despise being on the dating apps, but where do we go to meet them? Like I, especially when I was doing rerecky radio. And now I'm fifty. I don't go to bars. I don't hang out. It's not like my thirties when I was at a nov in Sydney and we'd go out to bars and hang out in nightclubs and you'd meet people. I'm a bit of a nana. I'm watching Baby Reindeer, I'm in my Jami's, I'm writing, I'm doing whatever. I'm going to forty five
early in the morning or whatever. I'm not Maybe I should try and meet someone there. Where do you meet people? So I've been pitching actually to a couple of big venues up on the Gold Coast, a singles night for over forty fives that I host or over forties, because I've had so many women reach out to me on my Instagram or whatever. Going Bee, I'm your age too. I've just come out of a twenty year marriage. Where do I go? The apps are it is a swamp? And I say that with love because I'm on there,
But it is a swamp. I just got ghosted by a guy who's like almost my age was messaging me every day, so we moved from the app onto text messaging me every day morning beautiful. How's your day? Dida da? Gone ghosted? And I called him out because I'm like, I am no, I'm a fifty year old You are not ghosting me. No, this is not happening. So I messaged him and I said, so is this what's happening? Am I being ghosted? Because it's been four days and he's like, no, No, I've just been really busy. And
I said, that's no, one's that busy. You were messaging me morning and night. Morning beautiful, how's her day? Night gorgeous? How are you feeling da da dah. I'm like, you've definitely ghosted me. Just have the balls to say I've had it happen where I've been really into a guy for a few weeks and then goneh I don't know. I just don't know. If he's got four kids, he lives in Brisbane. I don't think we're going to get
to see each other. But I at least politely will say hey, I'm just gonna be really honest, and even if I make something up, like my therapist said, I shouldn't be dating right now, or my mum's a lot of work at the moment, which is not always but sometimes I just don't have time for this right now. Just say something, be polite. I think ghosting is for cowards.
I think it's horrible. It's like, come on, have the and to me, my girlfriends always say dodgeable, because if he's the kind of guy that's going to ghost you and not at least say hey, sorry, I'm going through a bit at the moment, the ex is giving me a hard time. The kids are doing this, that's happening. I get it. I'm a human being. Well, we're all going through our shit. Just at least be the kind of human that says I can't do this. I think ghosting is for cowards. So the thing with the apps
is you can hide behind the apps. And also the thing I miss meeting people in real life because then there's that instant chemistry right where there's either I like you, this guy's you don't look like the kind of guy that I normally day, but you've got that amazing personality, and then you click and I've matched with the hottest looking dudes that are the biggest decades and I'm like, oh my god, if I'd meet you in person, I
would have sniffed that in two seconds. I've wasted three weeks of backwards and forwards using all my good gear funny material when I'm joking, but you know, it's exhausting backwards and forwards getting to know people, and sometimes you've got two or three conversations going at once because you do.
I think the question that you are where do you meet people is actually quite a cross generational one because when you say, oh, I'm a nana, I don't really go out in this post COVID era, that's actually quite common among a lot of people from Gen Z all the way through to millennials gen X boomers. Also, as you're talking about the way that dating apps have exacerbated this culture of ghosting because there's not that in person accountability, it's also how to trickle down effects.
So even if people.
Are meeting in real life, there's now anecdotes about people then saying well you on the dating apps because you know, maybe we could meet there, and it's like, but we're here now, Oh my god, have a drink now or swas so swap. It's a great idea what you're talking about setting up that sort of that real life mixer or singles night, because I mean old question so many people are asking, but maybe there's a place for old School.
And if there is a movement away from the apps, then what is the solution?
It is quote, un where are meeting? Where are we meeting? Like I, you know, I'm at Woolies? Am I going to meet you at Woolies? Am I going to meet you? I don't have kids, so there's not I'm not going to be hanging out at the school pickup looking at the single hot dads. And you'd think someone like me who works in entertainment, I'm usually hosting events or doing stuff for what have you. I am out and about, but I'm not meeting guys when I'm mountain about. They're not.
Like I hosted a fashion parade the other day on the Old Guys. It was just all women, you know, And I sort of sat up there and went, anyone got any hot sons? Anyone brothers?
You know?
Hell? I was about to say sisters. No, I was like, where do you go to meet people? And when I pitched this old School It's funny actually because I pitched it as a dating night, as singles night. But someone said to me, and I'm a hypocrite because I got invited to a speed dating night last week and I was like, no, And I know this is going to sound wanky, and I don't mean this in it's a
little bit different when you've got a profile. And I've spoken to other girlfriends of mine in radio and TV who are single or dating, and I'm like, it's a little hard. Like for a while there, I was on billboards all over the Gold Coast. And I'm not saying that to be a wanker. It's just I work in media. You get media thirty years.
Of course you have a profile.
If that brings complications, it does.
Because I've had guys seriously just want to go on a date with me, because I want to go back and tell all the other guys on the trading site. You know that chick that we used to listen to on CFM, I went out on a date with her, Like I know for a fact that they've confessed that to me. They're like, well, I've always wanted to meet you.
Really, Okay, So that's what this is all about.
I Also a hard thing for me too, is that this is what I was about the guy that goes to me. I said to my girlfriend, if he googles me. I'm stuffed, Like you put my name into Google. There's like, I mean, a few years ago, an article that was meant to be four pages back was obviously a slow news day front page career mail. This big me and my ex, and the headline is I love you, babe, but I want my ex's baby. Brilliant headline. It was because I had frozen embryos with an ex. Brilliant. Oh
my god. It was one of that like every oh my god, but that comes up when you google me. So but not just that, but me doing a Honeybird debt shoot for this a fun night I had with Russell Brand a long time ago, long before he got canceled. Nothing happened. But you know what I mean, you google my name, all this stuff comes up, and it's like, I guess, if you're just an average lovely dude who works you know wherever, you google me and you go, holy shit, that comes there's a lot there. I don't
know if I can handle that. So I get it, but I think, yeah, dating with the profile, it's not normal dating because as soon as they find out what I do, it changes everything.
How do you navigate that? Then?
Have you had a situation where you could see somebody has clearly obtained one piece of information, whether it's about your personal life or something that's happened professionally, and it's maybe coloring the questions that they're asking, and do you just then sort of tackle it and go, okay, let's just swap some stories. You know, you tell me about some of your things, and I'm going to tell you about some of my things, knowing that they might have already found it on.
That's good, I say to them, because I say, this is really unfair. Because one guy went, I googled you, and he goes, just so you know, I don't want to have any more kids, and I went, well, I'm forty nine and I've given up on that. I've done the whole IVF journey. I'm not having any more kids either, and I'm not having any I'm not having any kids. I'm not trying for any more kids. I was a stepmom, whatever, I'm not trying four kids at all anymore. It's all good.
And I said to him, we've never even had that conversation. Why would you even say that? And he's like, oh, it's just that, you know, when I googled you. There's all these IVF stories and you tried and whatever, and I'm just want to let you know that I don't want to have anymore, so if you want to keep trying, And I was like, okay, I really appreciate your honesty, but it's okay. Thank you for saying that, but I'm not still trying anymore. So nice, And I also say
to them, this is what's really hard. You've googled me. You can read my entire Wikipedia page. You know, my career from when I started out as a Marilyn Monroe personator when I was nineteen to you know, kiss FM, to this that you can read my whole life online. I said, it feels really unfair. So yeah, that, like you just said, you need to tell me. You need to tell me a lot more about yourself, because right
now this is a very uneven load. And you're coming in with loaded questions thinking that you know me, but you don't know me. You don't know me. You just know what you've read in you know, whatever, daily email or whatever, and.
Your experience would obviously be very specific in that what we've just talked about. There's all of these different stories about you. Online, But there is a universal chord here I think that a lot of people would relate to, which is everyone is doing a deep dive on somebody.
They're doing a social media stalking. So there would be a lot of people meeting up for that first coffee or that first dinner and actually coming in with a lot of preconceptions and things that they think they might have been looking at SO and so's ex girlfriends.
Yes, everyone comes.
To it with a bit of baggage. Whoever you are, So, how did you feel them when that accelerated a conversation as someone igniting a conversation that was, as you say, actually not necessary about the fact that they didn't plan to have children.
Is that a welcome thing?
Do we think that having those quite big conversations early on could be uncomfortable sometimes? But also on the flip side of ghosting, you really know who you're dealing with both for both people you do.
And I actually don't mind that. I don't mind diving deep pretty quickly, I find with they apps with the small talk, I'm really not into that small talk backwards and forwards? How is your day? What did you do? I went surfing today? How the waves? Ah? Far out. Really, I feel like I would much rather get to know a guy really quickly and go you actually sound like a pretty cool dude. Let's meet for a coffee. Let's not waste any time. I don't want to be going
backwards and forwards. But so what did your kids do today? That's irrelevant because if we don't have chemistry in person, no matter how lovely you are on the chat and the bands online, if we don't have that in person chemistry, so I'd rather dive deep really quickly. So I don't mind if a guy goes straight there. I think it's great. You're right, though we do come in on a date with a you do do a bit of a stalk.
Like my girlfriend's amazing. Like I'll say to her, Okay, it's this guy and I don't know his surname, but he works at this company and data and within she's amazing. She's a detective. She'll be watching this. You know who you are. She I'll just send her a photo and then the first name and whatever, and she will like, within ten minutes, come back, be married twice, this many kids? This is And I'm like, okay, thank you, tax phone number. I'm like thank you, because you do want to know
a little bit. But also I think you've just got to let go of all of that and meet someone in person, because I've got a lot of different biancas that people meet, and you know, and you'd be the same. Like I know when I've gone on dates with guys, they've gone, god, you're actually a lot more quieter than I imagined. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not always on. I'm what's Amy schum Is say, I'm an introverted extrovert.
Like sometimes I love being the center of attention and I'm in an event and I'm hosting, and I get that at Adrenaline Rush, and I love being on stage and making making people laugh. But sometimes on a date, I just want to sit there and soak them up. And they sort of look at me like I'm well, you're the girl, you're the funny girl on the radio. You make me laugh sort of stuff, and it's like, okay, we're not going to be making a second date. One guy said, oh, you know, how did you go last
night at the Award's night? You know, us normal people to get to go to that, And I cut him down straight away and I said, not in a nasty way, but I said, listen, I'm normal. I'm going through perimenopause. I'm struggling to do I've got an elderly mother, this, that just lost my job, blah blah blah. I lead a really, probably very normal life. Please don't believe everything you see on Instagram. I try and be as honest as I can on Instagram when I'm struggling, but there's
only so much that you can say. I can't literally go I'm having a MENTI B day, Like some days I can't be that honest because there is still stigma attached to what we go through with ADHD anxiety depression, and there is still stigma, and I don't want to seem unemployable. I'm curious. So like there are days when
I can't get out of bed because I'm struggling. I don't necessarily want to put that on my social media, even though I do want to share with my followers at Hey, my whole life is not having incredible interviews with people like you for Stellar magazine and hosting events and flying here and there and whatever. I do have days at a dark as well. I want to share that.
I think that's important sometimes It's hard in my industry because I'm still working with people that are a bit old school who were like, yeah, but do you want to Like out a conversation the other day and they were like, yeah, but do you want to, Like I'm thinking about writing this one woman show and talking about
it and they're like yeah, but you know. And then I look at people like in Rasiano and that and they're talking about it all and I'm like, I was brought up in a different genre of media and like Abby Chadfield all those people who are just out there talking about their mental health stuff and they don't give a shit what people think. And I love that I grew up in an era where I was shushed and told no. People don't want to hear that from you.
You're the happy, bubbly you know. So I'm still I've got feel like I've got one foot in that camp of being the authentic me and being honest, and the other foot in the jazz hands. Everything's fine, Everything's fine. You know. It's such a good point. If I said you're not normal, I'm like, I am normal. I'm just I know it seems like I'm not normal because you might see me on the Today Show sometimes or whatever.
But that doesn't I'm very normal. Actually I'm probably not that normal, but you know what I mean, that made me.
Funny normal anyway, exactly, everyone is normal and nobody is ordinary. So and you certainly are having any sort of relationship with anybody, whether it's a friendship or a family relationship or a possible romantic relationship, unless there's at least an understanding that you're both normal or that you're both completely abnormal.
I think it's a great point that you make about this line between vulnerability and being relatable, which, as you've said, has become an increasingly acceptable and really welcome part, especially for women in the wider culture. But there is that risk that we don't necessarily acknowledge, which is that can be weaponized or work against.
You in a professional or a personal setting.
I have had it weaponized against me, and I'm not going to say who, where, what when, But in my thirty years of working in radio and TV, I have definitely had conversations, and funnily enough, some of them have been from women, which was really disappointing, where it was like, now, look, I know you get bad anxiety, so I mean, are you okay today. But it wasn't a It wasn't in a way of being supportive. It was like, you know, my anxiety and my ADHD is actually my superpower and
is actually what makes me a great performer. And would have said the same thing right, like that's what gives you that that I don't know, that's something that just you can do what you do, so don't. A lot of men have really bad anxiety and mental health issues and have had time off as well in my industry. Are you having these condescending conversations with them? Are you saying to them, hey, so you know you get bad anxiety?
Like are you okay? Fuck you?
Sorry? But you know that must be so angry and.
Perfect word for it, it's the more colorful word.
Yes, sorry, we welcome colorful. There is definitely not always an equal thing. I feel like a lot of the times in the industry that I work in, and I've got to be really careful because I'm still in that industry and one day I'm going to write a book, but it will literally have to be released the day I die because there is so many stories of hypocrisy in this industry where the men are allowed to have
mental health issues. They have time off for those mental health issues, and then they all welcome back as the superstars they are. But if you're a woman that has to have time off for mental health issues, oh, she's a bit. Ah, she's a bit what's the word like, not a diva, but you know she's a bit out there. She's a bit all over the shop. He's all over the shop too, And I'm writing number one and he's not. So don't you dare say that to me? And it's
happened so many times, and it's just very frustrating. And that's why I feel like there are times when I want to just be really honest. And I'm pretty honest on my socials. My main feed on Instagram is pretty jazz hands. I call it like, Hi, everything's fine, But my stories, like, I'm pretty honest, So I usually will go, oh, today's not a good day, didn't sleep well last night, menopause, hot flashes, anxiety. I don't know whether to go on HRT. Do I not bioidentical? I don't know. This is such
an overwhelming topic for me. I didn't sleep a win last night, and I'm honest about that, or that I had a panic attack or I try and be really honest because I don't want people to think because I get messages and you've got such a great life, and I'm like, sometimes I do. Sometimes I have a shit life. Sometimes I can't get out of bed. Like when I found out our radio show was acted, I struggled with
my mental health. I went on antidepressants. I've weaned off them since then because they were making me nauseous, but they really worked. This particular brand. I won't say which brands. I don't want to give people. You need to go and see your doctor and talk to someone about your own issues. But this particular antidepressant is a new one that's come out that specifically meant to help people with ADHD and anxiety. It was fantastic. It really just helped
me lift the fog. Unfortunately, I reacted and I was nauseous all the time and wanting to vomit. So my mom myyes, Like I just was like, Okay, we need to find something else. So I waned off and I haven't gone back on it thing yet. I've just been doing yoga, meditation. I've got ADHD medication, which I don't always take. I try and remember but yeah, I feel
like it's important though. I just love this new I want to say, this new genre of media women coming through that are just so unapologetically honest, and I'm gonna say I'm jealous of them because at twenty seven, I was like a young I'm going to say Abby Chatfield for example, Like I was out there, I was talking about sex and dating and I just got squashed. And I'm not saying anything negative to those bosses in those early days because that was just the way it was, right,
Like I'm fifty. Back then in nineteen ninety one, you did not talk about your orgasms and your vagina on the radio, and you didn't. So I was kind of squished, and I have been many times since in my career because I've quite often worked with men that didn't were quite threatened by my shine. And that's okay, that's life at showbiz. But I love like I look at them, is young social media people coming through, or influences and people on air or whatever, and I think, go you.
I would have loved to have been that honest when I was younger.
And we'll be back in a moment to hear from Bianca about the double standard she's come up against throughout her career. These cultural shifts don't happen in a vacuum, and things have changed so much since the early noughts, since the nineties, it's quite gobsmacking sometimes to talk to younger women and say the word feminism. I mean, that was the worst thing that any woman that wanted to get a job be acceptable.
Can you imagine ever go out with the guy?
Oh my gosh, how do you call yourself a feminist? Whereas now we're seeing major Margo Robbie films being made about it. It's Diora doing T shirts like it's very I don't want to say fashionable in a glib way, but it's much more acceptable. The sex positivity has happened, so all of those things that you've talked about that was a very very In some ways, we may as well say that you were having those conversations seventy years ago as twenty thirty years ago. But just as with
so much, it's changed the culture. The sex and the City conversation for instance, that really help help change the representation of women in the culture.
You should rightfully feel that you have played.
A role in paving the way for the women that are now speaking unapologetically.
I have had a few really beautiful messages from women in media who you would know that say, hey, I listened to you growing up. God, that makes it feel old. I listened to you growing up on Nova, and I remember one day you came on the radio and you had your period and you said, oh my god, my uterus feels like it's being booted around a rugby over this morning, and they like, I nearly crashed my car.
I'd never heard anyone say that on the radio before, and this is like two thousand and two or something, So I guess in a way I was nudging and pushing and kind of I was a little I don't want to say this in a wanky way. It was a little bit of a trailblazer, only because I didn't want to just be You had American and also doing breakfast, you had the night shows and ugly feel. I didn't want to just be the nine till twelve girl that just came on and did the traffic in the weather
and coming up Stamiroquise new song. I wanted to have my own show. So I wanted to create that form of entertainment, and I wanted to say things that resonated with women, and I feel like I did in some ways kind of and not just met as many other women that trailblazed all that too and just spoke their minds. I mean, Wendy Harmer was one of the first who I loved and adored. I think it's important, yeah too, Yeah, like pay respects to the people that have paved the
way for you. But it's funny. I now am inspired by some of the younger generation of podcasters and stuff coming through going.
CU It can be a two way stream.
Yeah, I'm inspired by you and the fact that you have no fear. Like I really want to write my show. I want to do a book fifty sacked and single. I want to do a one woman show. And if I say, what are you scared of? Oh my god, you're the girl from the radio and this and that would do it. And I'm like, these young girls are all just doing it. They have no fear. They just go out and they're like, I'm starting a podcast, I'm doing this, I'm writing a book.
And I'm like, you're so fearless, and.
I'm really proud of them, and I'm like, you've been fearless too. You can do that again, you can tap back into that again. I just feel like at fifty it's scary because like you have people saying to you, oh, I used to or you used to, and it's like, I'm not going anywhere. I'm fifty, but I'm not going anywhere. Like I feel like this is the beginning of another chapter for me. So don't put me in the corner because I'm fifty. You know, I've got so much more
to offer now, got so much more life experience. I am much more confident, even though I'm scared of doing a one woman show, but that's different because it's just me on stage. I'm like terrifying. Yeah, I went off on a big tangent. Then scared is.
Okay because you will still bulldoze through that that feeling of being scared.
So well, yeah you have and you will. Fifty. Sacked and single, Oh I love that.
It's a good topic.
Let's unpack that a little bit.
We've talked about being single, so let's talk about being sacked. You mentioned earlier that your Gold Coast breakfast radio show was.
Well what do they shut? Yeah? Then networked it? So yeah, Benny and I got related, well, our contracts are up, so it was like thanks, but thanks, see you later. And you know, it's funny because the listeners were more upset for me than I was, because I've been sacked a few times now and that showbiz and I mean,
you know what it's like. I mean in print media, radio, TV, you know, when I read stories of people like Jesus even like ready listening to Wendy Harmer's new book, and Kerry and Kenneley who came to my thirtieth and gave me a pair of boxing gloves for my thirtieth birthday and said, if you're going to work in the world TV, showbies and media, you're going to need these gloves because you wouldn't need to be strong. And I've still got them.
I love her, But even hearing their stories, people like that that were so respected and amazing, and other women whose names I won't mention, but that have reached out to me since I've got sacked and said you'll never
believe how such and such sacked me. I got taken into a room and this, this, this happened, and I'm like, holy shit, this is how we treat people in this industry, Like this, where's the where's the respect and the thanks for the thirty years and you're amazing and I talk about anxiety and IVF and miscarriages and all this stuff that I've done on air. Where's the thanks for opening up your life, your heart, your mind, your soul every day?
You know, I think? But in saying that, where's the thanks? Also? I know in this industry that you live and die by the sword. And I understand, like I know with what happened with up in Brisbane with Kiss. It's the situation. The irony in the karma of getting sacked from that show was that I knew I was going to take Robin's job before she got the sack, and she knew she was coming back to take my job before I knew that I was going to get the sack. And
that's it's shit, right, But it's awful. But it's showbies, and it happens in TV, it happens in radio, it happens in and I can't get angry because there's not one particular person I can get angry at. I feel like it's the industry, it's showbies, it's brutal. I signed up for this, so I can't get upset that I got the sack because for whatever reason, they were going in a different direction, and that doesn't get explained to you, Like I said, what direction exactly? Do you mean? What direction?
Is that exactly? A younger direction? No comment? Okay, all right, you just have to just got to go Okay, thanks, see the next time round.
I guess it's a great thing to talk openly about Bianca because, as you've said, the media industry is particularly brutal and ruthless.
It's the nature of the beast.
But also there's this added humiliation that everyone else knows the news before.
You, the person.
Don't exactly, but as this episode is coming out, we're hurtling towards the end of a financial year. Australia's in the middle of a cost of living crisis. A lot of people in the range of industries will be dealing with contracting staff, and a lot of people might be getting called into ominous HR meetings. We know, when you lose your job, there's that immediate economic, financial stability fallout,
but there's also shame, self doubt where to now. If anyone's listening to this and things they might be about to hear those words, we're going in a new.
Different direction, which can happen in any industry, right.
What would you say to them?
Let yourself feel it, because I went through a stage ros in denial and that just made the grieving process longer. And also though I guess it's different for me, and that it was so public, so it was all over the press and all over the papers and everywhere. And in some ways that was lovely because I'd have people come up a Ulli's and give me a cuddle and go, I miss you and all that, so that's lovely, but I feel I was scared to reach out to a lot of friends and admit to them just how much
it had hit me. Don't be afraid to reach out to your network, because especially when you're someone if you're like me and you're naturally seemingly a confident person, people I can't tell you the amount of people and I'm talking big names in the industry would message me that sounded waky board I meant was going, you'll be fine, you'll be picked up, you'll get a gig in no time, you'll be on dah da da da da, And I'm like, it doesn't always happen that way, mate, It doesn't work
that way, right. So I feel like that everyone just assumed that I was just going to be okay and I was going to bounce back. So I think, reach out to your networks and say, hey, this is actually a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, and give yourself if you can give yourself a little
bit of time to grieve. I was lucky that I had some savings put away, so I went to Bali for three weeks, very cheap, cheap and cheerful or board, lots of screaming self help, you know, screaming you know in these women's groups, and lots of yoga and what have you. And I found that really cathartic. Not everyone can nick off if they've got kids and just go
away to Barliy for three weeks. And I get that, But reach out to your networks, feel it, and don't be afraid that maybe the next move this might have been a blessing, you know. And I hate that that sounds like a cliche, but I've had so many people say to me, Bee, I want you to write your book. You one mom would show you've got to do a podcast. Da da da da Dad. You would never have done any of that if you'd stayed in the comfort zone of getting up and doing that show every day because
you were exhausted. And I'm like, you're right. So sometimes those HR meetings, even though they are oh my god. I remember walking out of it, I wanted to vomit and I was like and everyone was just staring at me, like, oh what happened. I was like, we're going it's over. That show's over, and I was like, but I did. It's weird. I still don't take it personally because it's like, that's showbies. I didn't see it as a reflection on me or my talent, on what I bring to this
industry or as a radio announcer. And I hope people who are getting the sack in lots of different areas of that sounds terrible, but what I mean was people, if you are having those horrible HR meetings, try not to take it personally, which is hard not to, but because it might not be about you individually and what you're doing. It is a shrinking. This industry particularly is shrinking.
Lots of industries are shrinking. I'm hearing about so many people getting made redundant and laid off, and it is. It's scary, so talked with therapists, reach out to your friends.
Yeah, it's great advice.
And to not take it personally, I think is an important message for all of us to hear, because, as you rightfully say, when you're talking about cost cutting and redundancies, it's very rarely personal. A number on a spreadsheet and even if it feels really awful at the time, could be the.
Little kick that any of us needs. Exactly take the new risk.
To pivot sometimes people. I've heard so many stories of women who are like, you know what, if I didn't get the sack from that law firm, whatever, I would never have taken the risks to go and start doing this horse riding thing. Now I run a horse riding school and I make a quarter of the money, but I am so less stressed and I love my life. Like there's lots of beautiful stories, So reach out and look for those to inspire you, I think, to get through.
So let's finish with the fifty.
Then in the fifty stacked and single, and that really into sex. Of course, with everything that we've talked about, you've already touched upon starting over and thinking what next for me? Professionally? That would look different for you. I imagine when you're in your twenties, your thirties, your forties. God, yeah, you turned fifty last year. Was that a cause for celebration or commiseration?
A bit of both. I think I feel like I have a delayed existential crisis with everything because turning fifty, getting diagnosed with ADHD and getting the sack or within three months was just a lot to deal with. Am I getting the sack because I'm fifty? Am I no longer the demographic now? Which doesn't make sense because how many men in radio A don't even start me way older than me. But as a woman in this industry, sometimes they don't see that all those years that you've
clocked up as an asset. They're like, eh, might get in a younger, newer version, whatever it happens. But I also feel like I've seen so many girlfriends. I've got a beautiful friend of mine going through breast cancer. I've seen a lot of girlfriends go through some really hard times, and I've also lost a lot of friends. So I feel like it's a gift. Without wanting to sound cliched, but it really is the gift of being of growing old.
And I don't think fifty is old. I think it's funny because when I first started out in radio, when I was twenty one, and I would meet fifty year old radi anounces, I'd be like, oh my god, there's dinosaurs, and I'm like, that's me now, and we're not dinosaurs. We're not. We've got so much more to offer now, not more to offer than young people. I'm not saying that, but I mean as a human being, I have more to offer now. So many fifty year olds. I know
I have more to offer. And I did have a bit of a crisis because I was like, there's not a four in front of my number anymore. So from forty to forty one, for whatever, up to forty nine. I'm in my forties, all of a sudden, it's five zero, Like I go to fill out something and I'm like, nineteen seventy three. Oh my god, I'm fifty. And I want to really just embrace it. And that's why I want to do either this stand up show, this one
woman show, write the book. I really want to help other women remember that turning fifty can be literally the beginning of an entire new life, Like I am single. Who knows we're you don't know what's that great quote? There's that great meme? You still the best days, the happiest days, and the biggest loves. You know, it might still be ahead of you, like could still be ahead of you. Like I don't know where I'm going to be in two years time. I could be dating some
beautiful man living in the back of Byron. He's got a couple of kids and a dog. I'm doing, I've done my book, I've got my one woman show. Like I remember when I got sacked from another radio show. I remember thinking to myself. I remember actually one of the young kids going, oh, your Metro city days are over now, aren't they? Like you're a bit of a has been now this is this little shit And I was like, wow, is he right? Was now in fifty I was like thirty eight or something? I was like,
Oh God, is he right? Is this it for me? Is this the end of my career? Is this the end of my show? His career? I would never have thought that I would get to do the incredible gift of doing the Breakfast SHOWT ninety seven throw in Brisbane for three years. I absolutely loved it working for Kiss it was great. I could never have foreseen that. So I just want to like inspire other women to go
you don't know what's next. Please don't think that just because you're five zero you have to start wearing cardigans and where comfortable shoes and women I do wear comfortable shoes and I do wear cardigans. But you know what I mean, your life could be just starting. In fact, it is just starting. So please don't look at it as it's time to sit in the corner and be quiet, because you can definitely start turning up the lights of fifty.
And we need to just lose that stigma that fifty is, you know, out pasture.
And it has mercifully been changing and one hot woman, for instance, like Jennifer Lopez. I can't say how many women that we have spoken to it stella something to talk about that have cited Jennifer Lopez as being a beaver post fifty life. She turns fifty five next month, and it's not.
Just about how she looks.
It's about her energy and her being at the top of her game professionally. And we're not quite sure what's happening in j Lo's personal life as.
You and I recordings.
I may not be married, but the point is she will be fine whatever happens. As you were saying earlier, when you were thinking, god, fifty, it did actually look older then.
And again, I'm not just.
Talking about true botox or anything. It's it's actually everybody played into.
A certain role.
And when I came now my time is over. I'm going to go and move in to help the cardig and her love cardigans myself. But you know what we're saying, there were certain dowdy kind of being visible. Don't be Jennifer Lopez, don't be Bianca Die exactly.
And you know what I look at You know who mine is? I think Jennifer Aniston because she didn't have kids, and I look at her and I go, I mean, she's fifty four to fifty five too, is the age as j Lo is she? I mean, okay, she looks after herself, what have you, But she's not lying down and taking it and going on fifty. I'm just going
to go away. And there's just this whole new great interviews with all these women who were fifty and over saying I remember growing up, fifty was this and fifty was that, And Paulina Poroskova does a great thing as well on her Instagram about being older and god, I love it. I look to them and I go, I don't have to be a particular thing. I wear my Gazelle sneakers, I wear my I feel like this can be the beginning of the next chapter, as opposed to
closing up, shutting up shop. Literally everywhere. Who knows who I'll meet, where I'll be, what I'll do, And I feel like it's in some ways social media is exciting like that. I think it can also be toxic because you can compare yourself to the young ones. But looking at some of the women who are on there, like the Jennifer Andison's and the j Low's and what have you, and going, oh my god, they're not giving up anytime soon. They're just they're going to keep powering. They're going to
keep doing what they're doing. And I know it sounds again cliche, but I hate it is just a number.
If the rumors are true and Jennifer Lopez finds herself single again at fifty five, what dating advice would Bianca have for her? We'll be back in a moment to find out. Let's just say that our patrons say, Jennifer Lopez is single, What would your advice be to her? Should she go on the dating apps? Does she come to a Bianca die singles night, or does she just send some voice messages?
I would say I would love to hear Jennifer Lopez voice message. Can you imagine being a fly on the wall with what she'd say to Ben? It's I think it's a little different, though, because when you're dealing with someone like j Low, because she's so famous, she can't date like normal people, right, Like, how does she meet someone? Of course she has to date someone like Ben Affleck, or of course she has. I didn't know what they look on the brink.
Well, it's it's unconfirmed. As we're chatting.
They're just under constant speculation.
People.
Yes, I'm not they were together please and maybe they will be. I'm also barracking for them, but really it's certainly a conversation at the moment they're on, you.
Know, forty seven days apart.
In all of this, I think as a woman that's fifty, that's single. My advice to other women who are single at the sage is the beautiful parties. I own who I am now, I really do. I know. I come with the occasional panic attack, a bit of anxiety. I'm a little bit outspoken sometimes sometimes I want to I make plans and then I change my mind at the last minute and I want to stay home in my jarmis because I've got ADHD and I just want to stay home. I come with a lot of different stuff,
but I'm open and I'm honest about it. And I think the beautiful part about getting older is you own that. Because I also know that I have some amazing, great qualities as well to offer, and I'm happy to go. Here's all the good stuff, here's all the shit stuff. There you go. What do you think? Let me know, because I'm not gonna lie. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not. I did that for a long time in many relationships, in many jobs, I had
to pretend to be something I wasn't. I'm not doing that anymore. This is just this is who I am, as long as I'm a good person, as long as I'm not being an a whole you know what I mean. It's all very well to say be yourself. I like, be yourself as long as you're not an asshole. Don't be an asshole, be a good human and be yourself and get out there. And don't think that I love seeing I get inspired by seeing these women like Jayla who were if she's single and she's back out dating.
I love that in the sense that well, I don't love it because I love them being together, but it's inspired. Of course, you can meet someone at fifty six. You can meet someone at sixty. Like, life is full of surprises. Who knows what's around the corner. Don't get caught up on I didn't meet the love of my life at thirty and have three kids and I own a holiday house in Berry and whatever. Like sometimes life doesn't go
to plan, and that is the beautiful part. That's the best part, that it doesn't go to plan because something better might be coming up for you.
And I'm sure that it is for all of us. And look forward to hearing the next chapter of fifty Sacked and single. You have to come back fifty one sack yesh fifty one highly employed and in what's space?
Fifty one employed and you know, having fabulous sex with somebody that's awesome. I don't know, sounds.
Cool, it sounds perfect, Bianker Died, thank you so much. Being so open and honest with us on this episode is something to talk about. Maybe you could take some clips and put them away for voice messages.
I think idea.
Would make some really lovely voice messages.
I think that's a great idea.
And you can follow Bianca's journey of being fifty sacked and single at Bianca Die and we will have a link to her Instagram account in our show notes.
Thanks for having me. It was nice to have an open, honest chat like this. I don't get to do it that often anymore, so a total pleasure.
And we'll also have a link to the column that you wrote yestay in our show notes as well.
I'm curious to know what people think love or hate the voice message. Let me know at Pierka Die on Instagram. I'm happy to hear your honest voice message. Send me a voice.
Message and thank you for joining me for this episode.
Is something to talk about. I hope you enjoyed it.
Make sure you've hit that follow button because we'll be back in your feed with a new episode next week.
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