Hello. I'm Isabelle, she, her, hers. And I'm David, he, him, his. And we're 2 therapists with ADHD who sit down to have some chats about ADHD. We can't promise we'll stay on topic or be professional or even remotely mature, but we can promise that you'll end up looking at you or your loved one's beautiful neurodivergent brain in a shiny new way. This is not a therapy session. This is something shiny.
I love it.
Do you like it?
That's amazing. And can this just be the intro? You saying that and me freaking out about how amazing it is?
Yeah. Can I
you tapping your voice?
That could be that could be our first intro. So without further ado, welcome to Something Shiny.
I'm David.
I am like my mind is blown. My mind is just so blown. Can I tell you something that can I tell you my ADHD story actually? Yeah. Okay.
Because I love the track we're on, but I also don't wanna forget to share this. So I had this experience over the holidays where, you know, all routines, all rhythms lost. Speaking of a lot of little yucks, constant little yucks, Like, it's also I think we talk about this ahead of the holidays, but it's also a time of year where everyone expects it to be big yums. And in actuality, at least for me, it's a ton of little yucks, a lot of big yucks, you know, grief, loss, pain, blah. And then a little like certain certainly some yums, but like you gotta fight for those yums.
What I love is actually the period of time after the thing, after the holidays, after routine has returned and it's done. Like, I talk about it. I don't like scheduling things. I like having schedules. I don't like the holidays.
I like having experience for holidays. Does that make any sense? This, in my head, somehow relates to the, like, little yuck thing. So had this day, and it was, like, just it was literally that day you described where actually be partly in my head, I think I previously looked at this as just structureless lost feeling. Right?
Like like a day where I had no structure, I technically had nowhere to be. The kids had nowhere to be. Bobby was working, and so it was on me to kinda fill our time with something. And I was like a rat that was starving for water that was simultaneously treading water. I don't know if that's a good metaphor.
Like, I, like, literally feel like more of my executive functioning short circuited that day than ever. And I realized and this is gonna sound like a duh. Of course, we say this all the time. But again, I forget everything and so I'm always remembering this. What I realized is, you know what I did differently?
I was in one room for a really long time. That actually never happens. Oh my gosh. Wait a minute. Ton of my memory and remembering what happens next comes from the physical space I am standing in that cues me, like, literally. I realized I have a route in the morning. Like, oh, I'm with the kids in the bathroom. And when I'm in the bathroom, I remember we gotta do the the the the the the. And then I move us here, and then I move us here, then I move us here. But I didn't move.
I was able to just sit in one spot, but it's like my brain had nothing to cue it. Yeah. Yes. So I borrowed a hack, and actually if I have a few clients who've talked about this, and this is, like, we can edit this out or we can throw this in. I borrowed a hack which is, a lot of tech savvy clients have talked a lot about things like Alexa or Siri or something out in the world that's gonna remind you and cue you. And, like, there's all these cool articles about how to create a system to, like
Mhmm.
Just create a ton of reminders and, you know, like, you you use it as your external memory. Great sale going on. I picked a system. I'm not even gonna disclose what. I don't need to endorse it, but I picked a type of system that was very, in my mind, very cheap, like, no more than I'd spent on, like, you know, a nice dinner or something.
And I just was like, I'm gonna test it out. I'm gonna put it in, like, 2 places. I'm gonna program it to say a couple things or to do a couple things for me, and I'm gonna see how this works. David Kessler. Mhmm. If it is not the best thing that's ever happened to this family, I don't know what is. You know why? Because suddenly, I don't have to hold all that. There's something else. It's so much better than a little list on the on the I I wish I could get to know.
With executive functioning.
It is. But it's help me understand why it's different. I have so many calendars and lists that do nothing
on it. Don't get your attention. They're they're totally sitting there waiting for you to attend to them. That's the big difference. So you can have things written down in a 1000000 different places, but unless they literally exploded at a certain time or started firing papers out into the world, like, you wouldn't attempt to them.
Right? Versus this thing that's tied into your house system that goes, good night. It's about you're supposed to do that. I don't know why it's a weird accent like that, but, like, whatever kind of accent it it shoots out.
Side note, it we totally have it rigged to be Australian accents because why would we not? We adore Bluey. And it sounds like one of the characters were Bluey. It's like So it's tall. It's I can't do it. It's so good, though. It's so good.
But it becomes the externalized memory for you. And then we can flip it on the other side for you. It is the the partner that you can make, hey. Tuesday at 6. Remind me to call the blah blah blah because your partner might not remember that, but also an Alexa will be like, it's Tuesday at 6 if you call the blah blah blah. And you're like, thank you.
And That's exactly what's happened.
Yeah.
I am not angry about it as much. Yeah. It Bobby does not get mad at me. It's weird. I get mad at him about this. The kids? I don't know how. I knock on wood. I don't wanna jinx it. I created a little program because you can program skills. You can program sequences of actions. You can, like, literally, you can have it be like, I'm setting a timer. I'm gonna play music. What would you like to hear? And then it's gonna go up like you program the whole sequence in.
And then Yeah. So I don't have to keep going into a room. Did you do it? Did you do it? Did you do it? They are learning a whole sequence, but I don't have to do the work of teaching it all the time. Wait.
What?
All I have to do is stand in the room. It's so nice.
Hold on. Wait. Wait. We have a lot of people that ask us about, like, parenting help and, like like, how to help with young ones with with, you know, neurodivergence and all this kind of stuff. And, like, we can get into the strategies of talking about all these different things you can do to change behavior.
Yeah.
The most important thing we can do is notice when kids are doing something good. So the moment they're in this whole thing with whatever, you know, the the thing in your house is like the robotic voice telling him to do the thing When it tells him to do the thing and then you see them doing the thing, that's the moment for you to be like, you're doing this thing. That's awesome. You remembered. And they're like, I don't even remember.
This thing told me, it's like, nope. You made the decision to do this thing.
Exactly. No, David. And that makes me feel so good because suddenly I'm interacting around a stress point and a huge sore spot, like cleaning up, brushing teeth. I'm interacting with the kids. And when, the system doesn't work right, we both get frustrated with it instead of with each other. And then it's funny. Yes. Like, it's just different. And then they're pissed that they're getting told to do it again. I'm like, I don't know.
Take it up with the computer. Like but the best part, can I tell you, you can program it to, like, applaud, and it has this feature where it starts
Slow clapping?
Slow clap. And so I start the slow clap and then I join in, and then Bobby where we starts to join in and we like a legit slow clap.
This is amazing.
It's amazing. And the kids love it. They're like, oh, I'm getting a slow clap.
I think I think what what you're seeing is, like, all the reasons why that works and that there are, like, legit reasons why it works, and it is a legit environmental intervention.
Yeah.
It is not those kinds of systems are not always helpful for people.
Oh, I can see. Yeah. I well, we already learned that the fact that we left it on and we introduced the kids to story time destroyed bedtime for, like, 3 nights until we figured out a way to, like, kinda shut it down and then just, like, play a much more soothing story that we use, for example. Yeah. Like, it's a very big learning curve.
Yeah. The the other thing that that I know to be true is the way we, as humans, attend to reminders is very important. And so, like, as long as you are actually doing what the reminder is asking you to do and not learning to ignore it, this becomes a really successful intervention. But if you have too many things that Alexis or whatever or Google or whatever the thing, I don't know, these are, like, whatever it's doing, if you're not listening to it, you will learn to never listen
to it. Exactly. Yes. No. I I know that to be true. It's like it's not dissimilar to, like, visual timers. Right? Like, it's like, if you decide you wanna use that to build time pressure, you gotta hold to it. You gotta actually stop when the timer goes off. You can't just, like, cheat the whole time because you're right.
Then all you're learning is like, oh, please disregard what I just said. You know? Which side note, there's, something I have found is there are certain features where she will like, she's a person. The entity, the robot overlord gives me a question, and I actually have to answer it. And that I found I've inserted in more reminders because of what that makes me do.
It does actually make me say something. I can't just ignore it. I actually have to say something because it becomes like that seat belt. Like, it doesn't go away. And then I it's easier for me to switch tasks.
But, again, early stages, rave reviews. Side note, also just in terms of creating ambiance and environments and external cues, we have timers set up with different music. So the music itself becomes like this cool operation existing operation, establishing a vision, establishing operation. Like, we've got the silver. We're really into smooth jazz in this house. We've got variations on smooth jazz at its core.
I wanna just exist in in opposite, but not in contradiction.
Yeah.
Because for me, I don't use very many timers at all because when I use a timer, it is, it is like, it is like the the thing I have to attend to. So I'm very limited on the timers that I pull out because when I do, it's like it is such and, like, it is such an environmental shift that I'm like, go time. Like, ears get pinned back. It's a rare thing. Here I go.
And so I've operated without any of these, like, things in my home. I am a person I just wanna say this. I'm a person that really values privacy.
No. I that that's what I was gonna say. It's, like, legit, that was a huge consideration. And
No. But there's no judgment. No. But it's all like, no judgement on it. This is literally, like, it's it's a it's such an emotional battle that isn't even real.
I mean, like, if unless you've gone through, like, the the 1,000,000 different options in your phone to make sure that your phone isn't always listening to you, like, it is. So, like, this isn't about, like this is more about, like, my perception or, like, my belief than, like, the reality of, like, my intervention. Right? But, like, I do wanna, like, say that this is why, like, the Alexa or the Google or the, like, the WeGo I don't know the the different options, but, like, they are essentially a whiteboard that speaks to you. They are a diary that buzzes after you.
They are a friend that doesn't forget. And, like, the reason why I'm trying to make all these analogies is like this. We do have those resources if you don't want to get this device. Like, totally
like
be careful on how much we ask of other people because dependency causes aggression, and that's the safest thing with one of these robot overlords is you could be as dependent as you want on it because aggression towards it doesn't come back to you.
Exactly. And that's again, when I named that the kids get frustrated with it, and I get frustrated with it. And literally what I see is instead of me getting increasingly impatient with the kids or myself, I'm getting frustrated with this thing. And then she says something ridiculous, because she usually does. And then we all laugh, and suddenly I'm like, oh, yeah.
What am I getting frustrated about? It's a robot. You know, like, oh, I shouldn't demean the robot. But, like, I could not agree more around the privacy question, and there is zero judgment around whatever decision you make or don't make. I kind of made and just to, like, disclose for myself, like, we actually did.
We, like, inherited an old device, like, a couple years back, and I was the one who militantly was like, no. No. No. It's listen you know, like, I was very uncomfortable with it. I did not appreciate the sensation that something's just waiting on standby. And, like, I and I didn't use any of it. Right? Like, I kinda just was like, I don't I don't see how this helps. Like, I didn't really figure it out. I think the thing and I'm not trying to sell people on this.
I'm just naming how what changed it for me is the realization of the thing you just said. I'm like, that's exactly it. Because I have I don't know how much money I've probably blown. I mean, I could show you the 6 giant whiteboards we have in this room alone. Like, the amount of things I have invested in as visual cues and reminders to remind myself of the schedule to help the kid and also mostly for kids to help them learn it too so that I'm not the walking schedule and to help Bobby know where we are and the nanny, you know, who doesn't know where we are.
Like, it's just the amount of energy and labor that goes into creating things like this that this offloads Mhmm. Is the piece I didn't I don't think I understood. And the thing you just said about, like, it's also something that the difference is it's not on me to remember. That's the piece that I'm like. Yeah. Please, please know my spending habits and sell me more dog food. I welcome it. You know, like, I'm not not dismissing it because it's also very scary.
No. But yeah. Isabel, that's the thing that, like, is also the thing that I just questioned with myself because, like, I'm I'm honestly a good person. I'm not really worried what any of these things are gonna find out about me. And like,
I'm almost like, oh,
I'm curious. It it gets the fruit leather that I like. Right? And, like, start suggesting it to me on random look. And I'd be like, yes. Send me all the fruit roll ups you can or whatever. But, like
But you know what it would do, David? It would go, are you sure you want to because it like, so knows you're spending hours. It'll go, are you sure you need 4 cases of 500 of
If it wait. Seriously, we
prompt you. It would
prompt that to me.
Yeah. I'm in a gym. I'm never buying
this thing.
Then prompt you.
No. I don't want judgment from electronics. Yes. I said 4 cases. Don't ever judge me, electronic voice. I'm gonna have an inappropriate amount of food here. And you know what? I might give some of it away. Maybe it doesn't go bad. But are you sure you won't be plugged in all the time?
Oh, I love that so much.
Thank you so much for listening.
If you ever had that
thought where you think, hey, I have nothing. Stop. Remember, you're suffering. Something's shiny.
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