And I didn't know anybody who had. gone through this before, been told anything like this before friends or family or at least nobody had shared that with me, which is what I'm starting to learn more and more of with fertility in particular. It's that a lot of people actually do have some aspect of it in their life, but they're a lot less vocal about it.
Hello and welcome to another episode of Solidarity Sister, and I'm really excited to get to connect with Leah Trujillo today. She is an advocate for women who are struggling with infertility. She does coaching, she has a podcast, and I actually heard about her from another friend that I podcast with, and she was telling me what a great experience it was to be able to listen to the stories of the women that Leah hosts.
So I thought it would be great to have her come onto the podcast today and fill us in on what it's like to go through this struggle, how you can get help if this is your struggle and how you can be a better friend if it's not your struggle, because I'm sure you have a friend that is facing that. So Leah to begin. Tell me, how are you doing today for real?
Yeah. Well, first off, thank you so much for having me on your show. I love this concept and I'm so thrilled and honored to be here and share my little piece of the world with you and your listeners. But as far as how I'm doing for real I say that I am. Starting to finally come up for a little bit of air right now. I'm having a little bit of space to breathe now. I actually had my daughter and she's 14 months now. So I think that first year was really challenging for me.
I also, For some reason tended to put everything in that year. I also started my business with the coaching and then also you know, being a new mom and then launched a podcast as well. So it's been a really busy year and I feel like I'm finally have like a little bit of time here and there to just like, you know, do little things like watch my junk TV or things like that when I have a moment. So it's been nice to have that little change now.
That's awesome. That first year, it doesn't matter how many children you have, that first year is kind of a blur. I always felt like the last trimester of pregnancy was like, you know, 12 years long, and then the next week they turn one. It's just like the time warp. Is weird. And it does take that long to kind of get a rhythm and, and get moving again. And especially when you had such an exciting year to be adding a business and a podcast and, you know, congratulations on all fronts.
So tell me, what are you listening to these days, whether it's music, audio books, you know, like podcasts, what's in your ear?
Yeah so as far as music wise, I'm actually somebody who tends to just revert to things that I'm comfortable with as far as like my older music. I'm the person who has CDs in their car and like still just pops those in. So I guess my mix is kind of like just music from like, 2000s like rap music and like R& B music and then like some Spanish music as well.
So just an interesting mix of older CDs for the most part, although I did get the new Harry Styles album, which was like a year and a half ago or some, something ago. I did really like him. He's like the only like really new artist that I actually have incorporated into my old, old school mix here now. So yeah. And it's funny you ask about audio books too, cause that was, I've never had been an audio book person.
I, Generally, like traditional reading, I had a Kindle that I used that a lot, but as my year has just gotten so busy, I hadn't read anything in forever, I felt like, and audiobooks actually gave me that chance. to do that while I was driving. And so I started taking advantage of that this year. And I've only read a couple of things on there. One book that was kind of just like a really good, like more like motivational books, if anything.
So the, you are a badass book by Jen Sincero, which is pretty popular book. And then another one like to kind of help Spark some entrepreneurial spirit would be the other one I read was we should all be millionaires. It's kind of like a woman, empowerment type book that was also pretty good to me too. So been doing that.
I'm always looking for recommendations. I thought I was a poor audio learner for most of my life until I discovered speeding things up. And I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 41. And so I now actually listen to somewhere between 350 and 400 audio books a year. And I've been on like between usually about two and a half speed, sometimes three, four.
Sometimes if I'm like trying to settle down for bed, then I'll be like, okay, two, we're gonna slow down, you know, but I'm always looking for new reads because it's a kind of a, it's a heavy pace. So yeah, it keeps me going on those things. Like when you're driving, when you're grocery shopping, when you're doing the dishes, when you're doing the laundry, like all the things I actually never want to do ever.
That, that helps me stay grounded enough to kind of do the things that need to be done and and yeah, doing those things anyway. So I love that kind of multitasking.
Huh. Definitely. Yeah, that's how I feel like I've squeezed that into my life here and there now too. Yeah. And cause you're busier,
like I don't care how many children you have. I think the busiest feeling is being a brand new mom. That transition from zero to one, like people, because I do have a larger family, you know, will be like, you know, what was the hardest one? It was the first one.
Yeah. Because you've never
done this before, ever.
Yeah. Yeah. Everything's new. Yeah.
And so you have to grow into that. It takes time. tell me a little bit about, you know, your infertility journey and what that was like for you. And also then I want to talk about the community aspect that goes along with that, where community helped you or whether it made it worse because. We all know people who have said tactless comments, and I think in infertility, that's a place where you might get that more than in trials, but like, just tell me a little bit about your experiences.
Yeah, totally. And you're right on the money with that. And we can dive into that a little bit more in a sec. But yeah, with fertility, I personally had no indication previously in my life, that this would be a problem or something that I would have to, you know, overcome or deal with medically my whole life. My period had always been, right on time, like, clockwork, like no problems that I was aware of. And, you know, you always are thinking, Oh, I have to make sure I don't get pregnant.
You know, when I'm not ready for that. And then all of a sudden at around 30, I started having some strange symptoms as far as like starting to get hot at night starting to have like my period started acting, you know, different, like, was really heavy or was just off in the number of days. And so I made an appointment with my gynecologist at 30 and she ran some tests and the results were pretty shocking because she was sharing that my ovarian reserve.
Based on the test, she ran was extremely low, like comparable to a woman in her fifties. And so that was just a surreal moment in time to be told that when you're 30 and at that point in my life, I was still, a unmarried woman and not really. Knowing again, when I would be even wanting to start a family that had always been something I'd wanted to do. It just hadn't happened yet. I had, I wanted to be in a, in a marriage and with the right person.
And so that being kind of almost like taken away or like, okay, you have to do something immediately was really, again, shocking and hard to deal with. And I didn't know anybody who had. gone through this before, been told anything like this before friends or family or at least nobody had shared that with me, which is what I'm starting to learn more and more of with fertility in particular.
It's that a lot of people actually do have some aspect of it in their life, but they're a lot less vocal about it. And so, you know, going through that and then going through things, I then ended up trying to do some things to preserve my fertility and chance at having a family in the future and trying to just navigate that again, very alone.
I know, you know, we're here to kind of, you know, to highlight a little bit more about community, but the experience of infertility at that point in my life was a very, very solo journey. I had told my mom, my dad, maybe a couple of friends that I was going through it, but again, they really couldn't relate at all. Again, I didn't have a partner. So just trying to go through navigating, okay, can I try to freeze my eggs, doing all of that.
And again, with fertility, it's, the emotional toll is a huge thing, but also like financially too, as I previously worked in the school district as a school psychologist. And we all know educators don't really get paid as much as they should. And so doing all that on a one person educator salary, and that's a lot of extra pressure too. And there's so many appointments that you have to go through when you're going through this process.
And it's not like, you know, they tell you a month in advance. Oh, you're going to need to take off this day, this day, this day. It's like the week of like, Okay, you're gonna also need to come back in two days now and go to this appointment at this time. And there's so much on the line that you have to just make it work. It feels like, you know, like, it's just this pace. You're taking new medications, it's a very overwhelming process.
You're essentially being asked to be a nurse on top of that. So they give you, I mean, I've never given myself an injection before. And it's, They don't really give you very much training either. It's like, here, spend 7, 000 on medications. And then we're going to give you like a five minute maybe demo of all the different ones you need to do to yourself and then go home and do them. Yeah, all good, right? We'll monitor how you're responding to them, your body is.
So it's like a whirlwind of new things thrown at you. And again, having a deal do do that in a very, again, feeling alone, not really having a lot of people to lean on, not very many people to share this experience with or who have walked this path before was really challenging. So I did what I could to try to preserve my fertility at that time. Unfortunately, none of the treatments worked for me. Like going through that, you know, stimulation process, I wasn't able to get anything out of that.
But I, but the thing I did get out of that that I do want to highlight is at least I feel like I tried. and for me and did everything I could and for me that was important for me to move on to the next phases of trying to build my family. Kind of with that I think another thing I want to point out at this point or this juncture of my fertility journey was just that thinking and worrying about how will this affect me in finding a future partner.
Will I be rejected because, you know, they want to have children and I do too, but knowing that it's going to be such a significant hurdle for me, will that, you know, detract from, you know, me being with somebody that I'd want to be with? And that was a big fear that I grappled with. eventually I did find somebody that I started to have a relationship with. I shared this information with him and, you know, he took it really well.
And it was really great to, you know, you have these fears sometimes and we all have our own fears, but most of the time our fears don't really play out the way that we think they will. And so just remembering that and, and you're just going to have to face them, you know, and go through that, but it is really challenging to do that. Anyhow, fast forward. He, I ended up, you know, marrying this, this, this great guy and he's, he's amazing and got married.
And then we decided to circle back to the fertility journey again, met with some new doctors. And eventually we tried some other medications to see how my body would respond to see if I would potentially be a good candidate for trying the traditional IVF route. And that didn't really go my way either.
And with that, the next step was to look at considering donor eggs and That also kind of was a, a really another level of isolation, I would say, because talking about a fertility journey is again, more on the hush hush, but you'd hear it here and there, right? Or I would be in larger support groups, like for women struggling to conceive or women going through IVF. And, you know, you'd see all of these posts about women there.
trying the IVF process, but it was really rare for me to hear about anyone who was going to be using donor eggs or donor embryos. And so in that aspect, I felt even more like just alone in a way. And so Grappling with that and trying to make peace with that. It's certainly not the way that most people envision trying to start their family or think that they, some people with a thought of that, of like, oh, I would need to use donor eggs.
It's immediate, like, bulk, like, I would never do that type of thing. But really trying to look at what are the pieces of motherhood that are important to you. What does that look like?
And really, when you think about it, I think for most people, the most important aspects are getting to, to raise a child, getting to see this child grow, to, you know, share your life experiences with this child, to hopefully shape them, and to, again, just Just be there for all those little moments, like baby time and putting them to bed at night and, and all of those beautiful things. And I felt like for me, that was a good balance of all the things I really wanted.
And the chance to get to experience pregnancy for me, which I felt like I would want to try that. So we went that route and surprisingly, you know, going through the donor process, I. Wasn't sure how it would be, but it's almost like a dating website, I'd say, because you see, like, pictures of different women and, you know, learn a little bit about them. What are their lives? What are, their interests?
And it's an interesting process, but I did find one that I felt like I really gelled with and really liked her and just kept coming back to her. And so we ended up going with her and got ready, got my body ready for that transfer. That's also something I think most people don't realize it. Even if you're doing donor IVF, you're still needing to get your body ready, and there's still Again, medications you have to take on a long term basis.
Like taking injections for, I think I took injections for 14 weeks straight every day to be able to maintain that type of a pregnancy. However, we did our first transfer and I was finally pregnant for the first time. It was so exciting and unfortunately though, at the next checkup where they did my blood draw again, they found out I was having they call it a chemical pregnancy, but in essence, what that is, is it isn't a miscarriage. It's a very early miscarriage.
And that was really devastating. I felt like I had gone through so many things to get finally here. And then for it to just be taken away in an instant was just really, really, really hard. And again, I felt like sometimes you hear people diminish the experience in a way because, well, you were only pregnant a little bit. Like, it wasn't that long. It's not really about the length per se of a pregnancy. It's really about how invested you were in that pregnancy.
And for me, I was all in, I mean, I had done everything I could possibly do to have this baby. child.
There's so much grief there. One of my favorite quotes about grief, that's usually, you know, put when there's death, but I think it can mean even in life changes. When we're talking about a connection to someone, it's grief is all of that misplaced love. It's that love with nowhere to go. And you were so invested by this point, like thousands of dollars, hundreds of injections, doctor's appointments. all of the emotional, mental, like you were just all in.
And so even if you were only technically pregnant for like two weeks, it wasn't just about that two weeks. It was about all of what you invested, like the word you used. I like that to get there.
There's so much grief to that because the more we grieve someone, it's the, You know, it's in a parallel to how much we cared, basically, the people that you didn't care about as much because you weren't as invested in that relationship, you grieve less when someone passes away, the people that had your heart, this child had your heart. Yeah, yeah, that would be devastating.
Yeah, it really was. And I feel like that, for me, on my whole journey, that was the lowest point for me. And it took me a long time to really, like, Get up, not get over. You're never really over it, but to kind of start to heal and move forward. And I had to be very intentional about it.
I felt like I finally realized in that moment, like I was in a bad place and I realized that I, I think yes, all of these things, the past, this had been like, Five years in the buildup to this of, of dealing with fertility challenges. But this kind of like allowed me to really say like, wow, like I'm kind of at my rock bottom. This had been building up. I'd been kind of holding on to all of these feelings and I'm at the point now where I almost didn't really recognize myself.
I'd see families and I'd feel almost resentful of them, like why they get it so easily. I also worked in the school system, remember, so I'd see sometimes parents who did not really want to be parents and it was pretty evident. And then they, you know, be there and say like, Oh, I'm pregnant again, and it's just hard to see that on a regular basis. And then it would just bring a lot of, again, resentment and feelings of jealousy, which I hadn't really ever experienced to that degree.
And it just felt like, again, like shame around it when people would ask you if you're having children or. There's just a lot of different mix of emotions.
It felt like just fertility was on my mind 24 7 and it was just really hard to experience, and as I mentioned, I had to be really intentional and realize this is where I was and start to really lean on some tools that maybe I had been sharing with other, you know, again, I was a school psychologist, so I'd been sharing them with teenagers and like helping them through their emotional past and such. But I had never really tried to turn them into me, towards me.
And it was really hard, you know, like I would say, Oh yeah, let's just, you know, reframe this thought. And how does that, why is that not accurate? But when you're in the midst of it, it's a lot more challenging to work through and I also had been learning more about positive psychology and mindfulness and all of these great tools that I had never really incorporated in my life. And I started to try to lean into those and also get some professional support from myself as well.
And on top of that, start to connect with some support groups as well. To try to get me out of that. I finally was in a better place. I actually did have to pause my treatment at that point in time because they found some other, of course, some other issues with my fertility in regards to like fibroids and I had this added meiosis issue. I also had a higher prolactin levels and that had normalized all of those things or try to adjust those in this time period as well.
But I was ready again for my next transfer. And I finally felt like I was at least a better place mentally and don't get me wrong. I wasn't perfect. Like I still was feeling some anxiety about this next step and hopeful that it wouldn't go down the same path as far as having another miscarriage and trying to trust in this process. But I did do the next transfer and it ended up working and I now have my 14 month old daughter that I was referencing earlier.
So it worked out and I, I was so grateful for this for everything that the doctors had supported me with and for the people that in my life had supported me with and. Again, it was the hardest thing that I'd ever been through. The emotional aspect of it and, and really all aspects of it is the biggest hurdle of my life. But I'm actually now in retrospect, I feel like I found my passion and my purpose.
And I love being able to share with other women who are, you know, maybe in this dark place that I was in, how you don't have to sit there. There are ways to get out of that with some support and here are the tools to get you there. So I really, really love doing that.
I love that you were able to turn all of these difficult things. And be able to have that be like a road map to turn around and help other women. Yeah. It's so beautiful when someone can do that. Yeah. Purpose and passion and, and making it so someone else doesn't have to walk this journey alone. Yeah. So much about being isolated early on. And I mean, I think it would have been so much harder in a lot of ways that you weren't even in a relationship at the time.
So quite often when we hear about infertility journeys, it's a couple who's trying to have a child and then, you know, they're not able to get pregnant and that's kind of how it starts. But there are two of them, they're in it together. So there's some camaraderie. There's some common, like someone else is in the same space where you are. But here being a single woman who wasn't sure when we'll be wanting to start a family.
Yeah, incredibly difficult and to just even make the decisions like to have like that singular like I am responsible for the decision making. Am I trying to preserve my eggs? Am I not? Am I putting this investment in and if I put it in and it doesn't work. And I love that, you know, some people might say that 7, 000 or whatever it may have been more than that at that point, maybe that was just the meds probably, but that it wasn't worth it because it didn't work.
But I think for you, what I'm hearing is it absolutely was worth it because it wasn't about just the outcome. It was about coming to peace with that part of the journey. Exactly. To that part of your journey and say, I did all that I could and I needed to feel that, which means another woman might feel differently. Another woman might say, you know what, I'm just going to go this other avenue or I'm going to, which is totally fine.
But you being self aware enough to say, I need to know that I did all the pieces that I could. And you can, you can be at peace with that. That's worth the money and the time and the effort to be able to have done that. So it wasn't like a total loss. It was disappointing. It wasn't the outcome you were hoping for, but it served a purpose.
Exactly. You're exactly right. And there's no, set number that you can put on. Well, you, you need to try three times before you feel like you can cry. It's different for everyone. Some women go eight tries and then they feel ready to move on. Some, don't move that route at all because it doesn't feel aligned with what they need. So yeah.
So I imagine in your coaching, then part of what you're doing is helping someone work through just the darkness that comes, the overwhelming feelings of the financial, the physical, the emotional, you know, like all of those ramifications, but also maybe helping reflect for them what they value. So that they can identify which path is the right path for them.
Exactly. You should
do this, but get to the heart of like, what, what can they live with and feel the best about that they chose something like you said, that was in alignment with them. And having someone to talk to would be, I mean, you probably wish you had that.
Yeah, exactly. And again, I think sometimes it can be somewhat challenging because as I mentioned, you know, reaching out, finding, I found another therapist who I could, you know, support on. She gave counseling specific to the miscarriage aspect of it, but I have heard from other clients say, like, maybe they've talked with their therapist, and sometimes they just don't get it.
Like, they spend half of the session just explaining the process or like why they're doing this next step in their, IVF process or journey. And again, sometimes that can be really draining to explain and re explain and still feel like they're not fully understanding the gravity of that. So, yeah, I think it's just important to find people that Do know where you're coming from because it's so emotionally taxing already and then having to re explain constantly to other people, can be a lot.
So, yeah, if
you're going to a therapist, you're actually going for emotional support. But if you have to rehash every detail of every injection you've had and how it all works and why, then you're emotionally drained from that process of just, you know, like not that you aren't in a place that you want to share your feelings and whatnot, but just the mechanical pieces of going through. All of that. It's draining to put it all out there.
Like, yeah, actually did not know all of, I've had my eyes open, like, just in the conversation where I'm like, I did not realize, just how all encompassing to your life. Yeah.
You know, like it's a lot. Yeah, it really
thank goodness that we have the internet available now to help with. It's probably not hard to find a Facebook group or to do something to get started.
Yeah.
If you are in this place, there, we had a listener that is having a similar experience to you. And they don't know where to go. Where would you tell someone to start in order to get some support? Where is a good starting place?
Yeah. So I think in all honesty, as far as like Facebook groups, like there are very large Facebook groups, like 20, 000 women or something, or, you know, people struggling with IVF, that might be good for a little bit of just knowledge about the IVF process, but if you want something to be there for you emotionally, I wouldn't suggest that honestly, because you can feel like, you're in a sea of thousands of people.
So I think your first inclination might be join a, large Facebook group, but sometimes again, you don't feel that personal connection. And then too, you may see a lot of People, some people that post a lot in there are having a very difficult time with this process and so you may just see a slew of really negative outcomes that Yeah, it can happen, but maybe it's over highlighting negative, negative things that might happen or worst case scenarios.
And then you start to worry that that's also going to happen to you. So it can be a weird cycle. So I personally would maybe consider avoiding that. And I would maybe start with, again, if you want to connect on social media, I would maybe look at more like Instagram or like following people that maybe have been through this, who share, helpful information and tips about it to get you through this, starting there, and then also there's a, infertility community and advocacy group called Resolve.
And they are actually the ones who they're nationwide and they support the building of the support groups locally. And so you can likely have a resolve chapter in your local city and as scary as it sounds, again, I think that just that support group, because it's more intimate, really allows you to sit and hear other women's stories. And then also, if you're comfortable, be able to share parts of yours at least.
And I think that's a really great place to start and to learn from each other and to get that actual support. Versus then I'm putting something out there to 20, 000 people and random people that I will never probably talk to again or have any face to their name will say something to me about. So I think that's a great.
Oh, I thought, I'm glad you shared about that. We'll be sure to put a link to resolve in the show notes. Alrighty. I was looking for that, but I think you highlight some really important pieces because social media can be a really great place to connect. We can make friends. We can collaborate. We can have Facebook groups, but those groups that are like 20, 000 people, it's different and you don't have that kind of connection.
I found it interesting as you were talking about when you hit your rock bottom after your miscarriage, that's when you started to talk about the community pieces. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. therapy help and in support groups and being able to reach out more. And I think a lot of times it does take us hitting rock bottom before we are willing to reach out. But do you think that it would have been helpful to you had you been able to find these places earlier
on? Yes, definitely. I think again, that like the resolve group would have been probably really helpful sooner than later. But again, I, I think sometimes you just get in this zone of like, almost like a robot zone, where you're just like, next step, next step, just going, and I didn't really stop to think about how again, emotionally draining this was, or how this was really affecting me until that point.
But yeah, in retrospect, I think I should have done this earlier especially since the people around me. And again, it's, it's no fault to theirs, but like my close friends or my family members, like they didn't really know how to really relate to this. very well because they hadn't experienced it or didn't really know very much about it. So with that in mind, Yes, I should have reached out probably to like those groups sooner and been more involved.
You may not have known. And honestly, as we look back, we can be like, well, I wish I would have done this. I did the best I could under the circumstances. I think you were reeling with a lot of information and really just trying to get through the next step. And when we get in that, those kinds of phases in our lives, I have definitely been there. I almost, you know, turn my emotions off so I can just do the next thing that has to be done.
So I'm not even aware of how bad it is until there's a wake up call. But I think, I think we've all been there. Yeah. For anyone who's been doing this alone and hasn't reached out yet. Plenty of grace for you. But now let's reach out now. Now is the time now we have to do that. Yes. You mentioned how, you know, the people around you, I'm sure they love you. I'm sure your friends love you. I'm sure your family loves you. What could they have done better?
Like, what could our listeners who haven't had this experience before, how can we become more educated about being a better support? Because what I'm hearing is that this infertility journey basically takes over your whole mind, body, and heart, and your bank account, and It's really, really hard and I have not maybe known just the degree of which, you know, people are going through this, but how can I do better? How could I do better at supporting my friends who are in that place?
I think the first thing is really to just be able to be there for them to, to listen, to just listen and to just validate, like that sounds really hard, even though you may not have experienced that.
Just again, allowing them to share what they want to share, too, because, you know, sometimes they're not, we may not want to tell every aspect because if it doesn't work out, it's not personal, but if it doesn't go the way that we hope, it's really almost re triggering to have to share that information with 10 different people that maybe I said that to initially. So, just kind of try to just.
Take the lead of the person, you know, in your life who may be struggling and just validate what they share with you. Like, yeah, that, that does sound hard. I know it can be we want to sometimes offer advice because that we want to help, right? We want to make this easier for them, or we want to maybe say something that we think will make them feel better.
But, In this particular case, I think maybe less is a little more as far as like trying to offer suggestions because I promise you whoever has been through this journey has looked at every possible suggestion or every piece of advice they possibly could to see if that could apply for them. So saying things like, Oh, don't worry about it. It's just going to happen. You know, when it's meant to happen.
Like, I know that it comes from a good place, but yeah, there's a lot of things going on and they're doing everything in their power to make something happen that is not, you know, their body just isn't, isn't working that way right now. So, you know, again, please just keep those messages just to yourself. just try to just be there for them more than anything and take their lead. and respect privacy and let them share when they want to share.
Right. I think that's perfect. Like not judging, just listening, not trying to solve, just being a witness, just wanting to be where they are and, you know, taking their lead. I think that's great. I know you know, there have been people in my life that haven't had children when I thought they probably would have had children. And I've always just been like, I'm just not going to talk about children. And then.
If they choose to share that with me, then great, I think it could be helpful to refrain from asking, when are you having children? Oh, totally. That's just a question that we can assume that if someone wants to let us know what they're planning on in their family planning, that they will inform us. Cause I think that's a very common question that people say, and they don't, they really are just care about you and they just want to know about the next steps in your life in the same way.
Like we ask high school students,, like, what are you doing next? Do you know that? Yeah. Interesting. We care. Yeah. We could avoid the question. When are you having children?
Yeah. Yeah, I know. And again, I totally get it. We're just invested in their lives, but it could be something that they're not ready to share with you with. And then it puts you in a really uncomfortable position where they go, okay, well, what can I say to that?
Like, honestly, I even work with my clients on a script to say, what do you want to share with who, if they ask, or if it gets brought up, like, What's going to make you feel the most comfortable because that can be a really panic causing moment and so, if they can avoid that, that'd be great. But, you know, that is something that I even work with clients on because it can be a lot and distressing. I can
imagine if you've already like, and the timing of things, you have no idea, someone may have just had a failed transfer. And then the next day you're like, Hey, when are you going to have children? That is not, it's not like, even if it's coming, let's just redirect and let's just say, how are things?
bring back like this moment when I actually was, you know, having, like they told me I'm, my baby's, the pregnancy isn't continuing and I was, we were out in this couple were like, Oh, well, why don't you guys have kids? And I was like, I'm literally having a miscarriage. Like, yes, we speak. So yeah, but I didn't say that, but I was just like, yeah, so you know, it can, you never really know what's happening behind closed doors with that.
Yeah, I had just the smallest taste I wouldn't even compare it. To where you've been at all. But the smallest taste, it took several months to get pregnant with my first child. We were trying to have a baby and not having a baby. And because I'd never had a baby before, it's totally unknown. Well, what if, what if I can't get pregnant? I don't know. And literally we lived in an apartment and there were like five other apartments around us.
and maybe it was four, but every other single person, it was all like young college type age. We got married kind of, I was just finishing school. They all got pregnant all at the same time. Oh, wow. The last couple to get pregnant, she came over literally right after she took the pregnancy test. Like, she may have even had it in her hand. I don't remember. She was, she was an interesting soul, like, Oh, we're pregnant, we're pregnant, and I'm so excited.
Now you guys are the only ones, so you have to get pregnant too.
Yeah, you're like the pressure. And I was
like, you know, we'd been trying for months by then and I still wasn't pregnant and I was like,
congratulations,
you know, and, and it is hard because You know what? It is exciting to find out you're pregnant and it was exciting for them and I don't want to rain on their parade. Yeah. But the part that got me wasn't that she was pregnant and wasn't she was excited. It was that she said, Now you need to get pregnant. Like it was when it became about me. So let's let your pregnancy news be about you and let's be joyful about that.
But let's not, like, Direct commentary is what my, what I'm doing or where my family planning is because you don't know.
Yeah, you don't. And honestly, like, again, it's a very almost like secretive grief, but the numbers honestly are there. I don't think most people know. They just actually updated the information from the World Health Organization. Last year. And now it's one in six people experience infertility. So that's a lot of people. And so it's
like being at your school when you were working as a school psychologist, how many staff were at your school, you know, yeah, yeah. Our elementary school in Illinois, I know we had 92 people on staff, one out of every you think of like how many people that is. It's a lot. It's a lot. So when you're sitting in a room, when you're somewhere, like, there's a lot of people around you that are going through this that aren't talking about it. And I love that you have a podcast to talk about this.
Yes. Yes. To be able to say,
let's like remove this hidden hush hush part. And it's tricky because we want to be able to guard someone's privacy. All right. You are giving a voice to the people who aren't ready to share. So yeah, Oh, they are not alone. And there's so much value in that.
Well, I really appreciate that. And yeah, it's amazing. Again, I was definitely one of those people who didn't say anything. And now I'm over here on the other extreme sharing my entire story and all of its details and glory to the world. I love doing it for others and I just hope that you don't feel as alone in this journey if you are struggling. you're not, and people are here for you for that.
You provided a lot of food for thought for me on how I can show up better and I just love that our listeners, one in six of them, will actually directly relate to this being their experience and feel, and hopefully that the other five. We can do a better job being supportive and rallying around our friends who are going through this. So I appreciate that. So I want to ask you, you know, one of my favorite questions.
If you had a billboard that was up somewhere that everyone in the world would see, what message do you think that the world needs
right now? I think I would say again, infertility is really, really hard, but you're not alone. And there are things, there are ways to make this chapter easier and, they're available to you.
I love that. Yeah. You can teach it out. Like, you are not alone and here's where you can go. Yeah. And you'll find some of those places in the show notes. So that'll be good. So is there anything else that you want to share with our listeners?
I guess the other little, thing I want to share then again is your mental health while you're trying to conceive. is just as important as your physical health. Again, I think that in this journey, we get so focused on our body and our body functioning, but your mental health in you, like how you, your wellbeing feels is just as important, if not more. So just honoring that and making sure you're making space for that, because that will make everything else a lot easier.
So that's what I've learned in my journey, at least. Yeah. Very
good advice. Yeah. Great value there. And then just a reminder to our listeners that you do one on one coaching.
Yeah. Yeah. I do do coaching. I do offer one on one and I'm hoping to expand to group online at some point during this year. But for now, just you know, coaching yeah. And I did do my first in person event too in San Antonio though. But yeah, so that's been great. That's awesome.
And will there be more in person events as well, do you
think? I hope to have more. Yeah, our first one was really great and kind of partnering with fertility clinics to bring that to fruition. So yeah, I'm hopeful to have more and I have a wait list right now if anyone's interested too. For the next ones, you get like a discount and such.
We'll put all the info to connect to you, you know, in the show notes and I just so appreciate you being here. I think that this has been so helpful. I did not even realize how high it was that we were at one and six. it's an important topic to bring to the forefront for all the people who are silently suffering to say you are not alone and
there is help. Yeah. Yeah. No, I really appreciate your interest in the topic and thank you so much for having me today and allowing me to share my story and ideas for support for anyone else struggling right now to conceive. That's perfect.
I just, I love that you have taken kind of what you wish you had and become that person for lots of other
women. Yeah, it's, it's amazing. I honestly love doing it. And if anyone's out there, we don't have to, you don't have to become a client, but you can just say, hi, I'm here to, you know, direct you to the right places if you need that. So you can always reach out. No problem. If on Instagram, it's the easiest place, probably it's T R U like my last name true fertility. Perfect.
Well, thank you for joining us for another episode of solidarity sister.