Welcome to Solace: Soul +Grief . We're brought to you by Catholic Cemeteries in San Jose , California . My name is Candee Lucas . The death of a loved one is a huge life transition and we are learning it creates and affects so many other losses in our lives .
So we at Catholic Cemeteries want to offer you this place to grieve and find where God's moving in your life as you grieve .
Each week we take a new scripture or reflection and seek to find a quiet place in our hearts , together to contemplate our losses , honor our loved ones , remember God's love for us , God's place in our hearts , and seek to make a continuing connection with those we've lost .
We want to find that space where God is moving with us in our grief , that space where mourning can be transformed to comfort , a place where our hearts might be reopened and begin to mend , a place where tears can flow .
For it is when we open our hearts that we realize that we've made a new space for more love and more compassion and for more humanity and more space for God in our lives . This is a space that we hope solace will begin to fill for you . Please join us if you are suffering or just want to spend more time having God move with you in your grief .
You are always welcome here in our circle of healing , love and support . About a year ago , in episode 31 , I interviewed my sister about the loss of granddaughter Katelyn . I was visiting with her in Iowa and one day we stopped by the cemetery where my mother is buried , my grandmother , grandfather on both sides , as .
So we took this opportunity to visit the graves of all of these ancestors and that by coincidence (not design) are quite near one another . When my sister told me she rarely comes to the cemetery .
A lthough after my mother died, when I was still living in Iowa , I visited the cemetery quite often and talked to my mom until I was certain she was no longer there , but it gave me solace . So I wanted to revisit this idea of grieving the loss of your infant , as it's come up again lately , and how to grieve and support those who are grieving this loss .
And I wanted to start with one of the more visual and visceral descriptions of this kind of loss .
Katelyn was lost to SIDS , so it was very sudden , very unexpected and , because we follow ritual; in the funeral home , most of the people there were holding it together under the circumstances , until the time that the funeral director asked what size of coffin they wanted for and she told my sister that she would fit in a 24-inch coffin but that a 28-inch coffin
would leave more room for toys . Now most of us can visualize 24 inches as not large at all . We may have something on our desk that's 24 inches wide and you can look at that and see how much space it doesn't take up . It's tiny . That life is tiny .
I've seen many stillborn babies in the hospitals when I was a chaplain there and those bodies are perfect and tiny and lightly . We've had that image in our heads unbidden , as we contemplated the murder of babies in a far-off land and all those tiny coffins .
What makes these losses so difficult is that not only are you grieving the loss of your infant , whether it be to miscarriage or SIDS , but you are grieving what that life meant to others .
Never having a first day of school , graduation , a wedding , a bar mitzvah , grandchildren , all the life that could have been , that new parents and parents to be imagined for their child All of it just stops and is placed in a tiny coffin with the body and some toys . We mourn not only their physical selves . We mourn what they could have been .
We mourn what their lives could have been . We mourn what our lives could have been with them in it . So in a way , it is a more profound loss because it is covered with so many questions colored with what might have beens . So I think of God that day standing near to my sister's shoulder as she collapsed into tears for her loss .
I think of God , God's love , surrounding her and her daughter , Randy-- 's mother , and how he was just trying to get them through the hour , the next minute , the next day , how his love , how God's love , was tested in this moment as he held in his arms and wished to reassure her mom and her grandmother that she was held in love .
As all those babies we lost across the sea; we lose every day; that were recently lost in a parish , we share their loss , we mourn their loss . We are not happy that they are in God's arms . We wish they were OUR arms . They are not . They are gone from us .
The only place they remain is in our hearts , our hearts so expanded with love for that person , either before it was born or after it was born , that space exists and is filled with perfect love .
So when I see those tiny coffins or hear my sister's story about a tiny coffin I remember somebody's beloved baby , hoped for , wished for , loved beyond reason , held down in God's arms forever . For we pray from lamentations . My soul is deprived of peace . I have forgotten what happiness is .
I tell myself my future is lost , All that I hope for from the Lord . But I will call this to mind as my reason to have hope . The favors of the Lord are not exhausted . His mercies are not spent . They are renewed each morning . So great is His faithfulness . My portion is the Lord , says my soul . Therefore , I will hope in Him . Amen .
-For those who trust in God . In the pain of sorrow , there is consolation . In the face of despair , there is hope . In the midst of death , there is life . As we mourn the death of a child , we place ourselves in the hands of God and ask for strength and for healing and for love . Amen . That concludes another episode .
Please support us by subscribing on Spotify , Amazon Music , Apple Podcasts or Google Podcasts . We always welcome your comments and feedback . Remember , spiritual direction is always available through Catholic cemeteries . I'm Candee Lucas , chaplain , aftercare coordinator and spiritual director at Catholic cemeteries .
You can reach us through the email or telephone number on the show notes . Be gentle with yourselves . Travel safely with God . Va ya con Dios .