I welcome you to Solace: Soul + Grief . My name's Candee Lucas and I'm a grief chaplain . I accompany those who are grieving any kind of loss and I ask that you let me accompany you today . You're always welcome in this circle of healing , love and support . Remember , we are all on this journey together .
I want to talk to you today about nine important qualities of grieving and what I have come to call grief helps . What follows are a set of tips that were put together by a group of grief professionals on how to deal with grief during the holidays .
However , I have found that this short list is useful 365 days of the year , because we don't only grieve at the holidays . Yes , it can be a special time that raises special issues , but most of the grief responses we have during the holidays are responses that we have every other day of the year as we continue on our grief journey .
Number one trust that grief is part of healing . Time doesn't heal the pain associated with loss . It's what you do with the time that matters . Time doesn't heal the pain associated with loss . It's what you do with the time that matters . Grief is the process by which you heal .
Experiencing the pain rather than constantly trying to escape it can actually help you feel better in the long term . So , while it might be tempting to pretend that holidays don't exist , no-transcript that avoidance only prolongs the anguish .
Eventually the holidays will get easier , but only if you allow yourself to experience the grief of going through them without your loved one . Number two set healthy boundaries . You certainly don't have to force yourself to face every celebratory tradition . However , be willing to say no .
Other people may try to convince you to participate , but you certainly don't have to , and you don't have to try and please everyone . Number three focus on what you can control . There are a lot of things that you can't control .
You may be subjected to music in the waiting room of your doctor's office or overhear your co-workers constantly talking about their plans . While you can't prevent those things from happening , there are some things you can control . Think about what you can do to lessen the heartache . When you can , it's okay to limit your participation in things .
Pick a few things that you can do to assert control over your own life , and keep in mind that life goes on for other people and it's okay that they're happy . Number four plan ahead . Often , the anticipation over how hard something is going to be is worse than the actual event .
So , for example , while a dinner with friends may only last two hours , you can easily spend three weeks dreading it . Create a simple plan for how you'll get through these times to avoid extending your anguish . Often it's helpful to create an escape plan drive yourself to functions or ride with a trusted friend who will take you home whenever you want .
Just knowing you can easily leave at any time will help you enjoy the activity much more than you would if you feel stuck . Number five allow yourself to feel a range of emotions . Daily life can bring about a wider range of emotions . You may feel joy , guilt and sadness , all within a few minutes .
Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judging yourself or thinking you should be happy or you shouldn't be laughing . Number six find a way to honor your own memories . Create a special way to memorialize the person you've lost .
Whether you decide to light a candle every night or eat your loved one's favorite food , honoring your loved one can serve as a tangible reminder that , although your loved one is gone , the love never dies . Number seven create new traditions . Don't be afraid to create new traditions .
It's okay to get creative and do something a little out of the ordinary and do something a little out of the ordinary . You can also alter old traditions and make them fit better with the new phase in your life . Number eight do something kind for others . Even when you're in the midst of grief , you still have something to offer to the world .
Perform a few acts of kindness . It can be really good for the grieving spirit . Donate to families in need , serve meals at a soup kitchen or volunteer to help people at nursing homes if you're up for it . And number nine don't be afraid to ask for help when you're struggling .
Reminding loved ones that you're having a rough time may be enough , but you may also want to reach out for more support . Look for support groups or contact a professional counselor to help you deal with your grief in a healthy manner . That concludes this week's episode . You can find us on Apple , Spotify or Amazon .
Please feel free to send any questions you might have about grief , support , about grieving , to my email . In the show notes . I'll try to answer any questions you have in the future . Remember I'm always available for spiritual direction by Zoom to those who are grieving . Please reach out to me if you have this need . Be safe .
Travel with God , always at your side . Vaya con Dios .