Notes from "Grieving with the Help of Your Catholic Faith" - 1

This material comes from a book called Grieving with the Help of your Catholic Faith by Lorene Hanley Duquin .

I recently used this book in my own grief group and found many of the details , exercises and discussions helpful and I want to share them here , so we'll just dive in . One of the quotes she starts with is --Every death is a door opening on creation's mystery-- , by Megary Anderson Anderson .

So , of course , what interested me most about this material is how it confirms the closeness of God in our grief journeys . The word bereavement means to be torn apart . When someone you love dies , part of your life is torn away . What's left is a deep emotional wound . Grief is the process by which healing takes place .

Think about what happens when someone undergoes surgery . It can take months for the incision to heal and for the muscle to regenerate . It can take a year or longer for a person's energy level to return to normal . Even after a year , the scar tissue may be tender to the touch .

The emotional wound that comes with losing a loved one takes longer than a physical wound to heal . Grief is the emotional agony you go through as you find ways to fill the void this person left . Grief moves you to a place where memories of your loved one

are no longer painful . Grief is the process by which you learn to live again . Doing the hard work of grief involves Accepting the reality of the loss , experiencing the pain of the loss , recreating the person in your memory , adjusting to life without the presence of that person and finding new meaning in life .

Working through the grieving process does not mean that you'll stop loving or missing the person who died . It doesn't mean that you try to forget that person . What it does mean is that you find ways to live peacefully in the present moment , look forward to the future with hope . It may be hard to believe at this difficult point .

Grief can help you grow emotionally and spiritually . C . S . Lewis once said --In grief nothing stays put . One keeps on emerging from a phase , but it always recurs Round and round . Everything repeats . Am I going in circles or dare I hope I am on a spiral ?

-- How you grieve depends on your personality , your family background , how you coped with previous losses , your relationship with the person who died and your relationship with God . Today , it's not uncommon for people to expect you to bounce back to normal within a week or so after the funeral .

What most people don't realize is that after the funeral , the hard work of grieving is just beginning .

Between three and nine months after the death , , the full impact of the loss begins to hit you . You may find that a whole year goes by in which you use all your energy just to keep up the pretense of functioning . Gradually , you come to the realization that things will never go back to the way they were before your loved one dies , but you will survive .

Psalm 13 notes --how long shall I harbor sorrow in my soul , grief in my heart , day after day . Look , answer me , O Lord , my God . -- We , as Christians , have always turned to God in times of grief , trouble , darkness , and so it is at this time of grieving and loss that God is most near to us , even if we are not aware of his presence .

What is the difference between grieving and mourning ? Grieving is the intense pain you feel inside . It is your internal experience of loss . Mourning is the public expression of your grief . It is how you express your sorrow to other people when someone you love dies , we must express our grief if we are to heal .

In other words , we must take the time to mourn . When Jesus said in Matthew --Blessed are those who mourn , for they shall be comforted . -- He encouraged us to express our feelings of loss in public when he wept over the death of his friend Lazarus . He gave us all permission to cry . Noted in John 11 . --The Lord also promised that our mourning will end .

I will turn their mourning into joy . I will console and gladden them after their sorrows-- , Jeremiah 31 . Is there any other way ? Through grief , you can try to avoid , deny or postpone the pain , but it will only make the process longer and more difficult .

Experts agree that when people refuse to grieve the death of a loved one , grief stays bottled up inside and will resurface eventually . Working through your grief can be painful , but it is necessary for your emotional and physical well-being

. Pouring out your heart to God is one of the best kinds of prayer because it comes straight from the depths of yourself . Your prayer at this point may be as simple --Lord . Help me-- or you might want to use a lament in Psalm 102 . --Hear my prayer , o Lord . Let my cry come to Thee . Do not hide thy face from me in the day of my distress .

Incline thy ear to me . Answer me speedily in the day when I call . -- More information on how to get a copy of this book in the show

notes . That concludes this week's episode . You can find us on Apple , Spotify or Amazon . Feel free to send any questions you might have about grieving to my email in the show notes . Remember I'm always available for spiritual direction by Zoom to those who are grieving . Please reach out to me if you have this need .

Be safe Travel with God always at your side . Vaya con Dios .