We welcome you to Solace: Soul + Grief . I'm glad you're here . I'm Candee Lucas , a Jesuit-trained Catholic chaplain and spiritual director . I've been involved with a bereavement ministry since 2009 . We know that loss can make profound changes in people's lives .
We understand how difficult it is to travel this path of grief and how important and monumental the loss of a loved one can be . So we created this podcast to help you walk with God as you grieve your losses , understand what's happening in your heart and soul as you grieve , to be available in the best way we can to accompany you on this journey .
You're always welcome in this circle of healing , love and support . Today , we welcome back my dear friend , Terry Jelley , in a discussion we had about being with people who are dying-- actively dying at the moment of their death , and she offers some insights into the presence of God at that moment and surrounding that moment of death .
I've seen it in the hospital , where people are very open to that . . And they called the daughter and she had a difficult time getting there . She had to drive a long way and her mother passed away right before she got there and she walked into the room and she threw herself on the ground and she's like I didn't make it . I didn't make it in time .
Oh my God , how could this have happened ? And myself and the nurses , we knelt down , we held her and we said no , you're here , your mother is . You know her . She might have physically died , but her spirit is still present . Her spirit is in this room . She knows you're here .
Just go , and you know , hold her , because her mother's body was still in the room . Go , go , hold her , tell her how much you love her , tell her what you want to say to her .
And we lifted her up and she just completely , we left her alone in the room and it just was kind of a transformation for her because she never , she couldn't realize or she didn't , she just she was just beating herself up over how she didn't get there in time and she needed to focus , get out of herself and focus outward and see that her mother was still
there and focus on her mother
So you've had that experience in the hospital too , where someone has died , yet whether or not the family's there , if you're the only one there sometimes as chaplains were the only ones there in the room when the person passes and you can always sense a presence of some type absolutely , and I remember you know it's just so strange because you know you always
think it's going to be this horrible thing , but I've been with people that has just been so peaceful and I just really could feel a connection .
There was a kind of man who had no family , was like a homeless man . He'd been in the hospital for a week or something and we were doing rounds , doing rounds , and I could tell as soon as I went into ICU there was all this commotion and they said , oh , this man , I don't know if he's going to make it , I think he's dying .
And so the person that I was with said , okay , well , let's just move on to the next room . And I said , no , no , no , we are not leaving this man when he is actively dying .
I dragged her in , we went into the room and we stayed with him for , you know , like a half an hour and it was just so beautiful , it was peaceful , we were with him , we talked to him and you , I could feel a connection , I could feel his presence and I'm , you know , I'm hoping that he feels mine .
But we don't know what the person that's dying , we don't , you know , they might be in a coma ? They might , but you don't know what they're sensing , where they are .
That's one of the reasons I think it's so important when I was still chaplain in the hospital is to make it a sacred space , as you can , you know , if you're , if you know you're the only one that's going to be there , you can bring in an electric candle , no flaming candles . Obviously you can bring in an electric candle , not no flaming candles .
Obviously you can bring in , you know , music and soft music and or , or read out loud or any other things that would make it yeah yeah , and make it kind of a sacred space .
The chaplains' touch even yes , to hold their hand yes it's so important to let them know , and the thing that we wanted to do for this man , the most important thing , is to let him know he was not alone , because I think that's the worst thing for somebody to die alone that he was not alone Even though we were total strangers to him .
We were fellow human beings , we were fellow spirits that cared about him , witnessing and wanted to be with him .
Witnessing that-- definition of witness we talked about the other day , "with-ness Believing the original word was with-ness . Yes , that process of being with someone and just being able to , that process of being with someone and just being able to , it's not even an ushering , it's just so much as being reassuring .
That's one of the things I like to do is to tell people this might feel weird to you , but you've never done it before . But , whatever you're feeling , it's perfectly normal . It's perfectly natural and it's just this transition and I'm here and God's here .
And , depending on what they know and what they believe , do not try to force God on them if they're some other religion or religion . Try to just be available in a loving atmosphere and an open atmosphere and a healing atmosphere . I believe , anyway , I think our Catholic teaching has taught you know , the healing begins at the moment of death .
This kind of work for the people that are surviving .
So , yeah , especially just to be with somebody in transition and just to me . It's just to let them know that they are not alone , that they are loved , that they're-- you know somebody is there that cares about them . That concludes another episode . A new one drops every Friday . Please join us on Spotify , Amazon Music or Apple . Thank you for joining us .
Spiritual direction is always available . See my contact email in the show notes is always available . See my contact email in the show notes . This is Candee Lucas , your host , chaplain and spiritual director . Go with God . Namaste , Vaya con Dios .