Engaging Love through Imaginative Prayer

The death of a loved one is a very difficult life transition and we hope we can answer some of your questions , help you find where God is moving in your life as you continue your grief journey and remind you of the power of your faith and love for God . You're always welcome in our circle of healing , love and care .

As you know , if you've done the spiritual exercises of St Ignatius , one of the purposes and results of doing those exercises is a deeper relationship with the living Jesus . With your indulgence , I thought I might share a portion of my meeting I joined a group wandering in the desert . They seemed to know where they were going .

They seemed to be following one man , a man of indiscriminate age or feature . His features seemed clear to me at the time , but now that time has passed I can't describe them to you sharply . But as I traveled along and realized actually we were followers , I got to know him better . We got to know each other .

He took me along and some adventures he's had in his life and he asked nothing of me but my companionship .

He let me meet his mother and father and all his friends , and although I was expected to pitch in with women things like cooking , cleaning laundry at the stream with other women in the traveling show he took time out to explain this kingdom of God on earth , what would be asked of us in return for his friendship , how that might or might not play out .

It was not all fun and games and adventure . I got angry at him sometimes for what he put his mother through . His father suffered , mostly in silence , and I told him so--- that's what friends do . Our worst fight ever , though , was over Lazarus . The two of us had a big blowup .

We had been traveling from town to town , and each time we pulled up stakes to move on , our group grew bigger , and moving us all across the countryside became more of a challenge . We had camped in an oasis one night , and almost everyone had gone into their tents or found space to sleep under the night sky near a fire .

Jesus and I were having one of our late night talks when a stranger approached from around a dune . He walked straight up to Jesus , did not introduce himself , but merely fell on his knees and burst out John has been beheaded . Nobody moved . The words didn't seem to belong together in the same sentence . I looked at Jesus' face anew .

He was thinking --no blood was to be shed , but mine . This cannot be . What has John done ? But in love to follow me ? How can this be ? How does he deserve this fate ? Why have I been so selfish ? His blood is truly on my hands , my own cousin . What he did was howl as a wounded animal .

He lurched off into the darkness , sobbing , and no one dared follow . The next day he stayed in his tent all morning . Most unusual for him , about noon we saw a group of men on the horizon carrying a bundle on their shoulders . As they got closer we realized it was John's body .

Peter went to tell Jesus , who came immediately from his tent to receive the body . He threw himself upon it and wept . He then asked me if I'd put away enough linen and balm to repair and prepare the body for burial . I told him I had and I would . He and the other men went to prepare a gravesite near a rock overhang .

Once the funeral prayers had been sung and Kaddish spoken , he returned to his tent and we did not see him for the rest of the day . Then , when news of Lazarus came and he refused to go , I told him I will go then and tell Mary and Martha that you have been delayed and will " I forbid it . He said to me , me , you forbid it , you forbid it .

I shouted at him . You missed your opportunity to save John , and now you would lose Lazarus . To make a point . Yes , he told me , a wider point of love will be made when I arrive .

I turned and left him , and so imagine , if you will , looking into that face that is so broken in sadness for his dear cousin , for the loss of his dear cousin , tears forming in the eyes , shoulders collapsing , shoulders collapsing . Maybe his body shudders and maybe he falls to the ground .

For this death , the death of John the Baptist , wounds him most deeply . Not only was John a blood relative , but John was a fellow prophet , a person who knew intimately Jesus' special place on our earth and in our hearts .

So the loss of his dear cousin comes as a blow , comes as something he did not see on the horizon , although the etchings of his final days are becoming clearer and clearer . He hadn't quite foreseen the sacrifice of John , and so he is wounded , wounded by this death , wounded by this loss , wounded by this sacrifice made by another on his own behalf .

Perhaps his Father had one final lesson in the closing weeks of our Lord's life , and and that was to experience the grief that soon his own family would know , that his disciples would know , that his followers would experience , and God wanted his son to know what that physical sense of loss , what that experience is , so that he will have compassion for those he

leaves behind and those he welcomes into the next life . In this imagining of my time with the living Jesus , we have an opportunity to see him in grief over the death of John . We see the shock , the horror , the disbelief , the guilt , all perfectly human emotions of grief and grieving , and so by this we recognize the human Jesus .

The human Jesus witnessed and experienced suffering , an earthly suffering , a human suffering . In my imagining , he could not be comforted , he could not be consoled . His grief was sharp and wounding and I am certain he carried it to his death .

What does this say about our own grief ? It says that we suffered , that we suffer loss . As he suffered loss , he gave way to his emotion , his love , his longing , his guilt , much as we have and we do and we will . Nothing in his learning and obedience to God , nothing in the Torah , gave him immediate comfort .

What it did seem to give him was some resolve , some determination . What it gives us is a portrait of a very human man who maybe suffered from a little pride , who maybe felt he had all the answers , at times who made mistakes . Because at this moment in his incarnation he was one of us . That concludes another episode of Solace .

A new one drops every Friday . Please subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts , sSpotify , amazon or find us on Google . I'm Candy Lucas , your host , aftercare Coordinator , chaplain and Spiritual Director at Catholic Cemeteries at Gate of Heaven in Los Altos , california . Please contact us if you have questions or seek spiritual direction .

Our contact information is in the show notes . Be gentle with yourselves . Travel with God . Vaya con Dios , dios . Thank you .