¶ Navigating Grief and Spiritual Support
We welcome you to Solace: Soul Plus Grief . I'm glad you're here . I'm Candy Lucas , a Jesuit-trained Catholic chaplain and spiritual director , and I've been involved with a bereavement ministry since 2009 . We know that loss can make profound changes in people's lives . Can make profound changes in people's lives .
We understand how difficult it is to travel this path of grief and how important and monumental the loss of a loved one can be . So we created this podcast to help you walk with God as you grieve your losses , understand what's happening in your heart and soul as you grieve , to be available in the best way we can to accompany you on this journey .
You're always welcome in this circle of healing , love and support you . We continue our conversation with my friend , terry Jelly and discuss the teachings of Father Greg Boyle , a Jesuit priest who works with gang members in Los Angeles . Here's that discussion . I used to have a Code bue psalm that I read . Is there any piece , any psalm , any Bible verse ?
I am a huge user and believer and in "our father , because I think most people , if they're Christian , catholic and I , I believe that is a prayer for Jewish people as well , because Jesus was a Jew , it was his prayer , right , I'm a big reader of that prayer .
But we also have a book of prayers , um , in the office , that that we always take with us , and there's psalms and there's there's Buddhist readings there's native american readings . There's a lot of beautiful prayers , but I think again , it's just , it's not even so much what you say .
It's that you are there , you are a presence with that person and sometimes it can even . You are there , you are a presence with that person and sometimes it can even just be . There's spirituality in silence , in silence and being next to holding , putting just your arm on somebody's hand or shoulder and maybe gently rubbing it and just let them know .
You know , I'm here , I'm here .
I know that I was so fortunate and I've been there many times to do a retreat this weekend with Father Greg Boyle , who's the Jesuit who founded the largest gang intervention organization in the whole world Homeboys Industries down in LA , and he tells the story and this is my favorite thing that he ever talks about , not the Homeboys , but his mother's death , and
it's very related to my mother's death .
I heard him tell this right after his mother died and we were down in LA at this religious conference and he said every time , towards the end , when he would go to visit his mother and she was fortunate to die in her own bed , in her own room , in her own home , she would raise her arms up and kind of a V over her head and say you're here , you're
here , she'd be so excited to see him . And he always he says you know , that's how he thinks our God or our higher power is just waiting with open arms , outstretched arms above our head , saying you're here , and all he asks of us is to be that presence for another person .
And it's so poignant to me because the very last time I saw my mother and my last memory of her was she was sitting in a chair next to the bed that she ended up dying it with her arms raised up to meet like in bug , the same thing that he did , so it was like and his mother died right at the same time .
You know around my mother did so , it was so . It was just so beautiful , it was so beautiful that's just when we have those experiences .
¶ Embracing Love and Spiritual Connection
I wouldn't say reaffirming , I'd say affirming , you know , affirming what we believe , how we are traveling in our temporal lives and how we will be received on our deaths . I think we take for granted that what we believe informs so much of how we receive people in death , how we conceive people and death and how we conceive their passing .
Now , I'm not saying here and you and I have talked about this before and we kind of feel like it's coming home in a way , which is a different experience , coming back to God , being welcomed back to God , being embraced by God . Those types of things are what occurred to me when a person dies .
But I think it makes so much difference in the hospital , even to the staff your person who wanted to move on from the dying person , or the nursing staff to see you in there praying , you know , with someone all of a sudden they become different too . You know , their attitude toward that patient becomes different too .
It's interesting . Every time we do ICU rounds and every time I go into a room even if the person's , if they're awake , if they're sedated , whatever if I go in and say a prayer at the bedside , the nurse always says thank you , thank you for doing that . Because , I think sometimes too , they feel like they have the whole burden of the physical care . And .
I think it's reassuring to them to have someone else as part of their team , not only caring for the patient , but reassuring them , because I always say I'm praying for you as well .
And I know it was so tragic and difficult during COVID because the you know , nursing staff were the only people that were able to be in a room with these patients as they were dying . They became , in essence , their family and it was very hard on them , very difficult for them , but so so that's part of you know , us being there too .
We're not just there for the patients , but we're there for the staff , because everybody needs that , you know , spiritual , spiritual reminder , spiritual boost that there's something larger than you , that there's other people in this together , like you're here . And I think that's the thing that Greg Boyle emphasized more than he ever has in this one meeting .
He quotes this mystic Mirabai Star , and she's quoting somebody else who says if your God , however you know your God or your higher power , is not a God of love , god , however you know , your God or your higher power is not a God of love , you need to fire that God , like if you have a God of justice or of calling you to be obedient . Get rid of that .
God is a God of love . We need to recognize that and we need to spread that love and share that love , just like we're sharing that you're here with other people . We need to be that presence to one another .
And just think if we were that presence to one another in this world as we live and as we die , what a different place it would be from what it is right now .
Oh , truly , truly .
And to recognize . The other thing he says is that Everyone and this is why he's so successful in his gang work everyone is innately good . He believes that we were all created innately good and that through trauma in our lives maybe illness , mental illness we kind of get off track . But deep inside of all of us there is an innate good person .
And so he tries to look at the gang members that come in with all their tattoos and all their they've been in prison and their addictions . He sees inside of them this good person and helps them , kind of holds a mirror to them to help them find that person within themselves . And that's why he's so successful .
He doesn't bring them in and , okay , you got to do this and this and this and this , it's just all about being together . He creates this atmosphere at Homeboys where everybody , even rival gang members , work together to learn to be together in love and not hatred .
That concludes another episode .
¶ Weekly Spiritual Podcast Hosting and Guidance
A new one drops every Friday . Please join us on Spotify , Amazon Music or Apple . Thank you for joining us . Spiritual direction is always available . See my contact email in the show notes . This is Cand Lucas , your host , chaplain and spiritual director . Go with God . Namaste Vaya con Dios .