We welcome you to another edition of Solace: Soul + Grief . I'm Candee Lucas , your host . When we started this ministry , we'd hoped to reach those who were grieving and accompany them on their journeys with prayers , reflections , scripture and other writings that could lead them more easily on their grief journeys .
We're brought to you by Catholic Cemeteries in the Diocese of San Jose . Remember , you're always welcome in our circle of healing love and support .
At a recent memorial service we held at the cemetery , someone noted we had buried around 1,000 people in the previous year , 1,000 souls , and in the audience that day was a family who'd recently lost a young son and brother in a senseless shooting .
As I looked into the mother's eyes I thought about those thousand souls and I realized that was at least a thousand broken hearts . A thousand broken hearts . Sometimes we have a tendency when we hear about the deaths of large numbers of people , we have that tendency to just be immune to that number .
Whether it's the World Trade Center or Sandy Hook or Uvalde or the churches and synagogues that have been attacked , whatever the numbers are , there are equal number of broken hearts . So when they say there are 300 dead children and women in Gaza , we can't imagine the impact of 300 deaths on families and friends and loved ones .
You can imagine what it's like for 300 mothers' hearts to break , for 300 fathers' hearts to break , for 300 siblings , aunts and uncles . Hearts , broken hearts , 1,000 broken hearts . Previously I have referred to the work of the Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh and to his book called "How to Live when a Loved One Dies .
It offers many ideas , prayers and poems and suggestions to support grieving those who are grieving those who are mourning publicly , and one of my favorites is called A Free White Cloud , which goes Now you are free , the chains no longer confine your true body .
You return to your life as a white cloud just like before a white cloud , utterly free in the immense sky . 1,000 Broken Hearts . And then he asks us to look deeply to see our beloveds in other forms . On a beautiful sunny day , we may look up into the sky and see a nice puffy cloud floating by .
We admire its shape , the way the light falls upon its many folds and the shadow it casts on the green field . You fall in love with this cloud . You want it to stay with you and keep you happy . But then its shape and color start to change . The sky becomes dark . It begins to rain . The cloud is no longer apparent to us . It has become rain .
We begin to cry for the return of our beloved cloud . But when the cloud transforms itself into the rain , we can look deeply into the rain and see that our cloud is still there , laughing and smiling at us . We fall in love with this cloud . We want it to stay with us and keep us happy , but then its shape and color start to change . 1,000 broken hearts .
Much as we contemplate the breaking of those thousand hearts , or three hundred hearts , Hanh notes the ocean of suffering is immense , but if you turn around you can see the land . The earth I tread this morning transcends history . Spring and winter are both present in the moment . The young leaf and the dead leaf are really one .
My feet touch deathlessness and my feet are yours . Walk with me now . Let us enter the dimension of oneness and see the cherry tree blossom in winter . Why should we talk about death ? I don't need to die to be back with you . One thousand broken hearts . Remember that Earth brings us to life and nourishes us all life long . And then Earth takes us back again .
Amen , no coming , no going . No after, no before I hold you close to me , I release you to be so free because I am in you and you are in me . 1,000 broken hearts . When it rains , we think there's no sunshine , but above the clouds the sun shines brightly in the blue sky . Our loved ones do not want us to suffer after they die .
They want us to be happy . We may hold on to our grief , believing that our deep grief and despair is a measure of the depth of our love for the person we have lost , or we may continue to torture ourselves with feelings of guilt , remorse and regret .
But the real question is not whether our loved ones can forgive us for our failings , but if we can forgive ourselves . Do we have enough compassion for ourselves ? Can we see that we are doing the best we could with the conditions we had at the time ?
When we understand that we are doing the best we could and that we are always doing the best we can with what we have , we feel less burdened . We can accept our shortcomings and forgive ourselves . Be gentle with ourselves . One thousand broken hearts . When an arrow strikes you , you feel intense pain . You feel intense pain .
But if a second arrow strikes you in the same spot , the pain you feel is not double but ten times worse . Losing someone you love is the first arrow . You feel the acute pain of loss and sorrow , but worrying , being anxious or succumbing to despair are like the second arrow . When you are in pain .
Breathe in and out and recognize the pain , but don't exaggerate it . Don't allow the second arrow to strike Our guilt . Remorse and regrets are the second arrows we often fire at ourselves . One thousand broken hearts . This has been another episode of Solace: Soul + Grief . Thank you for listening .
To help support us , please subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Amazon or find us on Google . I'm Candee Lucas , your host , aftercare coordinator at Catholic Cemeteries , chaplain and Spiritual Director . You can reach us at the email or phone number in the show notes . Remember , be good to yourselves and go with God . Vaya con Dios .
Thank you .