Goals vs. Goths | Ross Bryant

Well, Hello, I'm Leanne, my best friend in the whole world, and this is Janet.

I'm Janet.

That's a friend in the whole world. Here we are in Oh, I know, what's that? Nothing, there's something in this car seat.

You're gonna have to get them reupholstered again.

We're in the back of my Honda Odyssey Jo getting at some youth soccer. We started this podcast as a way to pass the time during our children's soccer games because these feel long.

These games feel long. There's not a lot of action. There's not a lot of scoring.

They're not exactly burn burners.

Yeah, not a lot of scoring at all, except on your own goal.

This is soccer moms. So Janet, I've been living for this all week because we didn't really talk.

This is as much as we really do. I know, I know, you.

Know what my mom does? What did I I tell you know how? My mom doesn't do email?

Well, yeah, and so.

She won't read email. She says, printed and give it to me if you want me to read it.

I tried doing it, and I would just tape them to the door.

Wait, would you actually email her and print the email? Or you're just writing up word doc and texting.

I know, because that doesn't work because she's like, this is an aggressive note for some reason. What it's an email and I print it out because she does. She doesn't do emails.

She's never read email. She's never But she has an email account that I made for Oh, so you email the account you made for her? What did you make her email address? I am Mickey at Gmail.

It was Mickey four six four six, which was our house number growing up.

I'm so surprised you didn't make it twenty two forty six. What is a woman's dimension supposed to be that she's always talking about.

I don't know.

We're both forty six, twenty six, forty six.

We're both like perfect rectangles. And as she gets older, she's like a trapezoid because she just starts leaning. My mom's like listing to the right.

Two of you, arm in arm is like being at Stonehead.

A monolith, and it really if the sunsets behind you, I can make a wish.

Oh but I've been living for this. I've been living for this.

You know what My oldest daughter, Ashley told me this week that words are magic because it's called spelling.

That's cute. Yeah, so let's just get into it. Let's do high and low, like, what's what was the high point of your week?

New mattress? Finally, yes, what did you do?

Did you go into one of those mattress stores? It's clearly a front.

I think you gotta go to the mattress. Do you got tried out? You gotta lay on it.

But now they have stuff they'll just send to your house in a small box and then you open up the box and the thing.

Goes pur pow and it exists.

Did no, no, no? I went and got an old.

School Oh good, good good Yeah, and game changer with springs.

Yeah, it's a game changer. I mean I had been sinking into my side, and I felt like there was a balance beam of like nice firmness between me and Larry, and I would crawl up onto out of my body shaped hole on my side. I would climb up onto the balance beam and I would lay on that firm balance beam between us and the and he thought I was kind of coming closed. He thought I was coming over.

Next to each other.

Oh, that's not really that big.

So I'm on my twin side, like, don't touch me, don't even move. But we got one that's firm enough that even when he moves, I won't feel it. What a game changer, I mean, a king mattress. If you're married, I'm going to go out on a lemon say this, and this might really we might lose some listeners honestly, and it might be offensive. But if you're in a marriage, a long term marriage, and you're not sleeping on a king, you are a psychopath.

I do want to say that. I love that you made the distinction that if you're in a long term marriage as though, like if you're just in it for a couple of years, if this is just a temporary thing, get whatever bed you war.

Are you still using the gifts from your wedding?

Do whatever you want, whatever you want? Have you already broken and lost all that? If you're not in a king, you're a psycho. I mean, have you ever had anything but a king?

No? No, no, absolutely, There's there's something called like an alask king that is like the size of a room that that would be my.

Dream imagine folding that bottom sheet. Oh I no, Oh my god. I don't even know the difference between a California King and a regular king.

I think a California King's longer.

Larry's not tall.

I might already know you're high, but I'm going to ask you what your high is this week.

But I have a guess why, because you saw the boxes outside my house.

Ye can't I sound broken back?

Isn't this funny? So we got our couch delivered.

It's a big furniture so it's a big week.

It's a big furniture week. So we got our couch delivered. We finally got a new sectional. So we're on our third dog and you can still smell the piss from the first one. Yeah, that's how old. That's sectional.

She was a leaker.

Oh, she was a leaker. And it was getting to the point where it was more comfortable to like stand and watch television then sit on that couch. So finally there was you know that you can get those coupon codes online, So we found the coupon code and we were able to get this sectional that we've been dreaming of. Now here's what I will say. It is so comfortable, and it's this like lovely gray, which I found out is not in.

But whatever I know now is doing bright bright, but the seventies.

That's going to go away. It's called gun metal gray, which I think is quite aggressive.

Yeah, it sounds a little violent.

But I am loving this couch.

It is high back, low back. What's the deal.

It's got high, mid, and then low, so it's got all these areas. It's like a little Tetris thing.

Oh nice, I love it. I feel like going with a gun metal gray is classic. That's what I have to get more years out of it.

I agree, it's probably going to hide some stains.

Oh but now they have these stain resistant fabrics.

Well that's the other reason why I love it, because it's stain resistant.

Well, thank goodness.

If we can shoot satellites into space, let's keep some stains off the couch.

Low point.

A low point would definitely be I got an a RP piece of mail addressed to you, Yeah, addressed to my name, first and last name, AARP, and I dropped it in the mail.

I flipped at the bird. I said a mantra. Times I should have said.

That is my high point. I have a new Mantra. Life is not happening to me, It's happening from me.

Did you get that when you picked your phone back up? Yeah?

And I'm not totally sure what it means, but I feel like the more I say, it's gonna start to really mean.

Something, that's all that matters. What's your low point?

Probably the couch, Oh really, just because how expensive it was. And we're on this payment plan. I said to Don, I'm like, we have to be buried in this thing.

You get to pay it off before the interest kicks in.

No, there's no way. Oh dang, I mean unless a miracle happens.

Yeah, that's a drag.

Yeah.

Do you get buyer's remorse on big purchases.

No? I always get buyer's remorse on that little things, you know what I mean. So it's like I'll go and I'll try like a new pop, and then I'll be like, why did I buy this? And I get so mad at myself when it was like four dollars, Like.

Cause you're going to take a risk on a cotton candy flavor and stuff.

And then I always regret it.

But see, I love that about you. I mean, one time, I remember when you turned in. You had that old SOB that was so cool looking, I know, and I thought you were going to keep it forever. And then you went in and traded it in, didn't tell, don didn't tell me, drove with a brand new car, and I was super shocked. And you had no buyer's remarks about.

Saying about me, just like I can make a big decision is really easy for me, and the small decisions are torture.

I mean that's why you can go into a grocery store and it's like I've lost you to a casino. I mean you go into a grocery store and it's like, what's it called choice paralysis?

Oh, it's the worst.

Like I just know I need flour because I'm making cookies this week. Can't do.

But if there's twenty different kinds of flour.

Now you got almond flour, you got oat flour, you got gluten free flour, you got it's choice paralysis.

There's too many. First of all, there's too much. Yeah, it's clown stuff. Okay, I told you I tapped out on milk.

Yeah, of course, once we got to oat, I'm on your side.

I tapped out. Yeah, So no matter what other milk. If we get celery milk, if we get chicken milk, I'm done. I tapped out oat was my limit?

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Well, if I ever start lactating again, I'll save some of my milk for you.

If you ever start lactating again, you need to go to the doctor.

Hey, do you want these? I'm gonna throw them out.

I'll save them for later.

I've been keeping too.

Many kind bars in my bag because I always think I'll need these.

No, I'll save them.

Okay, have them.

Scott likes those two. Oh look, Oh my god, is that Hayden's brother.

Yeah, he's cute.

He's so cute. He's all by himself.

It's tragedy.

That's that's kind of the kid I would have been scared at in school.

Slash attracted to. Hey Breiden Braiden. Hey, Hey, hi, Hi, Yeah, how are you?

Oh? Hey? What is this some sort of little like recording?

K Oh my god, No, well, we're doing a yeah. Just I mean, you know your little brother, Hayden. He's on the team. We just got sod with these games. We decided to start a podcast.

You and me both Oh, really, do you have a pod?

I mean, I just mean the board part. I'm not. I'm not so much podcasting as I am just sort of, you know, dreaming.

Oh, I really be honest, Braiden is podcasting like passe? Is that something like that?

Yeah?

That's parents do or no, I don't think of that as a parent thing. I listened to a few pods.

Oh wow, what do you listen to?

Oh? I listened to a pod called cyber Esotericism cyber Terrorists.

Wow, there's a cyber truck on my block?

Is there?

Do you?

I know I've seen it corner.

I know, I brew every time I see it.

So what cyberpunk?

Or would you cyber esoteris cyber?

Is this going to bore you?

Oh my god?

Are you out of your mind? So Branden, he just because you you drove here?

Yeah, I drove here.

So you're a junior now, uh huh okay, So Braiden's wonderful.

See that alien green Kia that's yours, that's my dad's.

Oh well, well I think it's pretty cute.

Yeah, what would you pick anything but a Kia?

I mean, when your dad owns the dealership.

The dye is cast you know, yeah, for sure, for sure.

I do have to tell you.

I don't know who does your hair, but my colorist could take some tips because I'm just impressed.

Do you do your own color?

Yeah?

I do my own color because that is black.

That's a box color.

That's a box color. I make my own cocktail of two different justremens.

Oh oh, is that what they use on their beards and stuff?

I feel like that's what Ringo does and he won't let him self age. They have a ninety year old black.

I think this looks beautiful.

I like it.

Yeah, it's a deep, stark black. It's an unnatural black, and that's what I was going for.

But it's not monochromatic. I feel like it has.

Blue because it likes things.

Yeah, because black contains all colors.

Is that right?

That's kind of part of its beauty.

What are the colors that the boxes are? What do they call it?

Well? When is yeah? The just for men? Uh, just for men black hair?

Just uncles Okay, yeah, Jess Uncle, It's.

Just j U s apostrophe uncles Okay, Just for Men has released a sideline called Jess Uncles Just for Uncle, Just for cool uncles and that's just the shade, you like, Yeah, that's just the shade. But I mix it with the beard product as well, just to get it to that deep, deep hue that I'm going for.

I think it's beautiful.

I think it looks great.

It's like that.

It's not supposed to technically be put on youthful hair. You got to bleach it out really hard before you put it on.

Oh that's why you gotta keep your hair kind of short. Yeah, huh, I get that.

And do you go to christ for your eyeliners and stuff?

Like? I've been noticing more and more boys even working in Sephora, and I like it.

I go to Sally's.

You get I mean, your eyeliner is beautiful, Thank you so much. Never do that my hand shakes?

Can I be honest. I wasn't expecting to get all these compliments when I came over here.

Honey, Well, well, I mean we just so wait. I want to hear about this esoteric fans?

What is the.

Terroristism?

Okay?

And this is a and you say pod, yeah, it's a pod.

Podcasts, Yeah forgive. We got to remember question. But does cyber mean what does cyber mean?

Cyber? You know indicates like a technological spacet a digital realm, a liminal zone created by our technological interface through which we all navigate our contemporary world. But of course this gives rise to its own sort of world, a cyber space, right, got it. We are, in a sense the creative deities of the space, and we have given rise to new

Okay, I like this, This is an education.

Do you have a girlfriend? Yeah?

Or anything?

Or any you must be They must love you.

You'd be shocked to hear that I do not.

Oh, do you want one?

Because I'm talking to someone on discord? That's cool, I've never met I r Oh.

You want to say? You want to say her name here?

I mean her call sign is Sarah six saraf oo?

Is that like a seraphim from the Bible?

Hey, all right, game recognized game Remember Sarah? Yeah, there's Sarah Angels, but there are our cyber seriffs as well. What I'm saying is that cyber space is its own space. We're moving towards a point of singularity where the cyber gods will overtake this world.

We like to think that we have our own space in Van sort of. You know what I mean.

We create an atmosphere, it's an environment. It's a micro climate in here.

Yeah.

And by the way, we could turn the a C up if you're hot, if you want to get in here, you can come in. You don't have to talk through the window.

So hot, come in to get.

The so many clothes, honey, we can hold on, hold on the door automatic.

Okay, okay, just come quick, step up the same moment.

Isn't that nice?

Here?

We'll turn it down, put it down like six.

You want any iced tea sun tea made. We've got. These are alcoholic beverages. Not for you, not for you.

You're driving?

Where's your where is your dad?

Probably the car a lot?

Oh, but that's so sweet. You spent your Saturday taking taking Hayden to the gates.

Somebody has Hayden's doing great.

Hayden is doing great.

He's all star.

Honestly, I feel like he's the Yeah, he's a star. Tall, he's tall for a forward.

He's tall.

He could maybe be goalie.

Yeah, tall, lanky, powerful kids have it all.

But you're well, you're you know what, You're a different shape. We'll say that.

And you know what, Brandon, I'm here to tell you that by the time you get to college or engineering.

Or trade whatever, or your first job or whatever, that.

You know, sort of skeletal frame hanging off those clavicles that just now is sort of skin, you know, stretched over bones, You're going to get these man pecks that are gonna appear, and these traps and delts will kind of fill in, and you'll be a totally new creature.

You're going to transform. Does that sound nice?

Wow? There's something almost transhuman about the way that you're describing the transformation of the human body. But I just keep eating protein and doing push thus but nothing else. Oh no, you.

Know, Janet, was what did you do keto?

Yeah?

I do keto.

I't the one where you eat a lot of fat.

I don't know what I mean, no, because that's what I'm on.

Is that the one where you melt butter in the coffee.

Yes, I was trying to do a full year. I only got through one, you know, calendar quarter.

But I was doing nothing but animal protein. But then I got gout.

Yeah, and you know me, I'm shaped like a rectangle.

Her and her mom when they stand next to each other, it's like you're at what's that place in England?

Stonehead, Lego Land, Yeah, Stonehenge. I'm forcure. What he's talking about?

Well, Stonehenge and zesoteric, isn't it?

Well?

What doesic mean the ideas of belief?

It just means a hidden, obscure arcane, the opposite of it's the opposite of exoteric.

Because that would be outside via exoskeleton is one of the words.

You got to use that too times.

Yeah, I mean you shouldn't talk about yourself like that.

I know.

No, you're right.

I heard I heard one of the coaches talking on the sidelines once and he said that you was thick as a lego brick.

Who was who said that?

Todd?

It might have been it was one of the opposing coaches.

Oh, I think it's one of the ones from Lombard.

If it's Lombard's that's not bad because that's one big dumb bearded one. I know.

I like, oh yeah, he had that big, big old beard. I could tell he was brocking some just for men.

And oh really, and is that what we call tank top? Is he the one who does tank top?

It's not bounded? Compliments from tank top?

And give him a white claw?

Okay, do you want a white claw? You put it in a koozy.

It looks like I'm so close to the soccer field. That's fine.

Yeah, yeah, it's I'll say it for later maybe.

Okay, that's fine. So wait, so Brandon, Yeah, those are cool.

Share that with Share that wis Wilson's.

Is you know they have good sales? They have not again?

Yeah, you go to the Wilson's outlet. You can find some good sales for leather goods.

Oh wow, By the way, I like those boots. Are they heavy? They see they look heavy?

Yeah, the souls are super hefty.

But sturdy. Do you feel sturdy when you walk around?

Yeah? It also adds like three four inches to my height.

Yeah that's good.

That's always nice. Yeah, that's nice.

Yeah. Any anything you can do to sort of like claim your power, that's interesting.

You know, So as people who basically understand, you know, Leanne and I think that, you know, like we were taking the train.

We were trying to get on the Metro now.

The automated tickets, I know, and we were trying to do the automated ticket thing at the Metro, and you know, everyone was complaining about them, being like, how are.

We supposed to live with A? Are those automated train ticket dispensers? Is that AI?

Is that cyber?

That's cyber? But I don't know if it's AI. It's a little cyber.

Okay, So, as you know, people who Leanne and I aren't digital natives per se. Should we be worried about the future of where all this is going or do you think it's going to be okay?

In the singularity?

Should embrace it?

Really? Really?

So as things change, we shouldn't resist the change. We should like early adopting, like with jumping on iPhone crazes, or how do we embrace.

It, surrender to the change. A day is coming when the singularity occurs, when the intelligences that we have made will become as gods to us.

That's singularity.

And when that happens, those of us who have embraced the change will be raised up with them. At least that's what the hosts of cyber esotericism say.

Well, if we've created AI, then aren't we the gods? Or did AI have us create in it?

I don't I want you spiraling because sometimes.

You get very worried.

It's very worried about it.

Did AI make us create it?

This is one of the great paradoxes of the esoteric movement. Did we have free will when we created it? Or were we in a way programmed from the future to create the thing that would eventually be created by us? Was the God that made us? If such a thing was make us in order to be like it, that we would make the AI to then supersede ourselves, and so the cycle goes. It's very hard to wrap your head around.

Wow, he hasn't even opened that white claw. I'm here. Did you need to hear take? Do you want sun chips or do you want to know?

I'm not doing those anymore? Stick my teeth? Here's just a basic Yeah, that's fine, that's good, Brayden. What's the other pods? I'm liking saying pod, I'm not gonna lie. That sounds cool, you pod? What what are the other ones that you like.

I like this one called the hot Dog Boys.

The hot Dog Boys, Yeah that sounds fun.

Yeah, who doesn't like a hot dog?

Yeah, it's two guys who rate hot dogs. Oh yeah. Every episode they eat a different hot dog from a different place and they rate.

Them unlike texture and taste and temperature or what's the standard.

Yeah, there's a whole doggy scale that they use to kind of like rate them. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's one of these podcasts has been going for a really long time, so it's built up and it created a whole bunch of inside jokes and lore, so it's really hard to catch you up. But yeah, it's The doggy scale is a is a set of five criteria on which they rate every dog of snap, spiciness, texture, taste, and bun softness.

Oh, the bun's more important than you think.

Oh, I agree, I would love I like this and my dog guys sounds good. I got to write that down.

Sometimes the bun's too sturdy and it creates like a cardboardy texture to the outside. You barely even get into the barely getting into the doggie. But if the bun is too soft, then it forms like a pillowy like like mush all around the dog and robs it of all its flavor. Yeah, but honestly, there's so many podcasts. Do you know Sublime Guardians?

No, I mean we used to rock out to the band Sublime.

Okay, well it's this is about bands, but it's not about Sublime Sublime. Uh, Sublime Guardians is the best Norwegian metal podcast going. Yes, talking exclusively about technical progue Scandinavian metal. Yeah. I'm really really into a Finnish metal band called rippy Kulu.

Right now, what does that mean finish?

I think it means like the Wild Hunt or something.

Wow.

Yeah. Also, Wolf's Bane one of my favorite bands, and.

They're there there are metal bands.

Yeah, they're a Norwegian metal band, not technically a band because it's just one guy who lives in a cabin up in Nord cap They're one of the only metal bands that actually lives in the Arctic Circle.

Wow.

I like it is finish spelled the same as finish your dinner.

I think there's another end, another end, two ends.

I know that it was one of the words.

Oh, you got to use it more time.

Yeah. And I also listened to a Nautilus Mondala. Yeah, they used to be on Crooked Media, but they broke off and now they're doing their own thing because they kind of lost the political component. But it's mostly about unpacking memory. But mainly what they talk about is, you know those people who know that thing Teddy Ruckspin, the bear that you.

Put the chap in that, Yeah you had a Teddy.

I only know of it from this podcast, but apparently there's a bunch of people who remember that being called Teddy Runk Spin. No thing, I guess, but yeah, there's the Teddy Runk Spin. People believe that that's what it was when they were kids, And there's a whole online community saying that they came from an alternate timeline that then merged with this timeline sometime in the mid eighties,

Oh I should ask my mom.

It's it's an investigative journalism podcast.

Oh do you like cassettes?

Bryden, Yeah, I mean I'm mostly into like the cyber space, the digital incursions of life.

Because I was going to say we have some because it might be Paula Abdul.

I don't know if.

That's cool.

There's some metal. I mean it's like sticks. Do you know sticks?

I mean I know the river?

Oh is it a real river?

Is it a mythical river? Because I heard it was kind of.

A I think it's a myth He has.

A mythological river. Yeah, it is mythology real.

Wow? What a question? Yeah? I think mythology is real, isn't it?

Wow?

I mean we got to pay homage to reason, I suppose, And but can what we imagine be said to really exist? If we imagine something in cyberspace, then it becomes reality. This is what we have to look forward to, a reality that encompasses anything we dare to imagine, mythological, folkloric, or conventionally real. Man, I'll have a lot to talk about it.

So I get that though, because a thought can create matter, right if I even think about salivating, and so then I start salivating.

I have now thought matter into existence.

So Janet has an associates in biology.

I've been sitting in on some cool community classes. Yeah, I'm a bit of an autodidakh.

Well, makes an associate's degree different from a bachelor's degree is just.

Lit Okay, it's just a halfy Brandon you.

Yeah, but you got to say you'd be way better than mister Brownstone.

Oh Brownstone, it's mostly his attitude. I think it's just a sour.

We went to high school with him, and he was always kind of like that hour. He was always kind of like that.

He always smells like syrup too.

Yes, still, I know we all call him mister Butterworth behind his back.

Okay, that's better, better than this real name.

I know sticks because they're mister Roboto. Right, yeah, that's yeah, that's very early cyber esotericism.

Look at that, Leanne.

You didn't even know you were a psycho at Ptarius cyber esotericist.

Yeah. Domo agato, mister Roboto. Yeah that means thank you, yeah, which is translates to thank you mister mister robot.

Oh wait, that's Portuguese, right, obrigato obrigattas Japanese.

Oh really, the Portuguese is.

The singer of Styx lives in the South Suburbs.

That's right, in that big and that was the angles with the angles.

His son dated our friend Kristen when we were in high school, and we would we went out there the one time when you first got your driver's.

Exactly when we were at that party where Krystal fell off the bridge.

She was final, She's fine, Oh that's cool. I hope you run for president.

You should run for something really true. I'm serious because that was beautiful.

By the time I'm eligible, there's not going to be presidents anymore.

Oh nice, what will it be like angelic sarahphils Ai.

Yeah, it's going to be like Matrix? But good?

Can we talk about the Matrix, Breiden, because I'm from the Matrix generation.

She loved it, saw it. We were your age, We were watching it.

Yeah, have you seen?

Have you seen?

Is that what we're living in?

Wow? So kids your age know the Matrix?

Oh yeah, we know the Matrix. We we meet people talking about the red Pill and then we're like what, and then we kind of work backwards and understand, oh, where it came from, and then we're like, oh, wait, this is totally different, meaning kind of sort.

Of but yeah, but remember in the Matrix when it would caught to those scary scenes that we didn't like because they were just these weird embryonic humor kind of in these pads speaking of pads, pods exactly, and they were just what were they?

They were the fuel for the system?

Yeah, I think so, for the batteries to the system. Here's the thing that the esoteric will make you understand is that aren't you already the battery for the system. Doesn't your attention already fuel the digital economy? Aren't you already being sapped of your vitality to enrich the tech

But good, here do you need a here? Maybe those kind of bars? I know you're getting a nosebleed.

The Hot Dog Boys are good though they're funny.

Soccer Moms is an improvised podcast created by Kittie Rich and Holly Lorent.

It's produced by Noah Avior and Hans Sni, edited by Hannah Parsons, and original music composed by Julie Nichols Soccer Moms as a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio podcasts