397- Adam G- Seek God First

We want to seek God and life becomes a spiritual experience. Every moment. We want to live as many perfect moments stacked on top of each other like what would God have me do right now? And the more we can stack those on together. the more we're going to recognize how tiny our minds are because we start to have these things happen that there's just no other explanation.

Well, hello, friends of Bill W. and other friends. You have landed on Sober Speak. My name is John M. I am an alcoholic, and we are glad you are all here, especially newcomers. Newcomers, that is, both to recovery as a whole and newcomers to this podcast. Sober Speak is a podcast about recovery centered around the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. My job here on Sober Speak is simple.

My job is to provide a platform to the amazing stories of recovery all around us. Consider Sober Speak, if you will, your meeting between meetings. Please remember. We do not speak for AA or any 12-step community. We represent only ourselves. We are here to share our experience, strength and hope with those who wish to come along for the ride. Take what you want and leave the rest at the curb for the trash man to pick up. Greetings from Studio AA, deep in the heart of Texas.

That was our friend Adam G that you heard at the beginning of this here episode, episode number 397. And you are going to hear so much more. from Adam in just a moment. But first things first, this here episode, episode number 397, is made possible by Todd. Kurt, Anonymous, and Audrey. And you ask yourself, what exactly did Todd, Kurt, Anonymous, and Audrey do? Well, they went to our humble little website. www.soberspeak.com.

They clicked on the little yellow donate tab. Donation, I think is what it actually says. Donation tab. And they made a contribution. So thank you so much, Todd, Kurt.

Anonymous. And Audrey, this here episode is coming right out to Ewan's. So, I was thinking here a little bit like... Adrian wrote in a couple of weeks ago and he said, hey, you know, I miss hearing those things about, you know, I guess what you're struggling with and what Mrs. M is cooking for dinner and all that kind of stuff. I decided to kind of talk about some topics sometimes a little bit more now that are, I guess...

I don't know if you call them near and dear to my heart. This one in particular, I just wrote down right before I started, I thought, what's going on with me? And I just wrote the word money. and didn't give it a lot of thought, so I don't know where this is going to go. But, you know, over the past couple, three years or so, I have really struggled with... money. And what I mean by struggling with money is, well, let me put it this way. There is an episode that I haven't released yet.

And it is, anyway, it's coming up, is with Joe, Joe Mick. And he said in that episode when we were recording, and I... really taken it to heart and thought about it a lot. He said he had done a survey and he figured out exactly, exactly, how much money one needs to feel secure and safe. And he said that the answer to that question is $20 more than I will ever have.

And I so much related to that. It's not about how much money is in the bank or not in the bank or whatever the case may be. It's about... me and my relationship with the God of my understanding. Let me put it this way. If I walk around all day thinking to myself, well, I wonder how much how much more money I can make, how I can get more money, how money does this and how much money does that. I have a tendency to be not in a good way. However,

And by the way, that's how I am 99% of the time, just to be honest with you. However, if I walk around or if I'm going to bed at night or if I'm waking up in the morning and I'm thinking to myself, okay. How can I use money to benefit others? What can I do with this money to help my fellow man and woman here?

I'm just in a much better way. And, you know, in our book, also, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is what I'm talking about, just in case you're listening to this for the first time. In our book, it talks a lot about... money. There's a line in the piece about sex on page 69. It says, we all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. And I think that applies also to

We all have money problems, right? We'd hardly be human if we didn't. But what I notice is that what it means... when I am thinking about how the world has kind of sometimes wronged me. where money is concerned, or if I'm thinking about how somebody else has more money than I do, or anything like that, that means there's something... I need to work on the relationship with the God of my understanding. And I need to get closer and tighter with Him and realize that I am...

going in the wrong direction. And it's real easy to turn it around through prayer and meditation, like I said, and thinking of others. But it doesn't come to me automatically. It takes the pain of thinking about... what I consider my lack of funds, and it's all relative, but it takes the pain of me considering that before. I am, before I go back to the God of my understanding and ask forgiveness and turn my thoughts to those that I can help. Anyone?

I just thought I'd throw that out there for today. There's a lot more to be said on money. In fact, maybe we should do an episode specifically on money. That's a good one, John. Let me make a note of that. All right.

Now, on to our speaker of the week, our guest of the week. His name is Adam G. He is from Denver, Colorado, and we are calling this episode Seek God. Adam. Grew up in Colorado as the captain of his football team and a gifted scholastic student. You hear Adam talk about how his best friend took his own life during Adam's freshman year in college.

Adam also discusses how he got sent to the, quote, quiet room many times and what that means. Adam talks about the theory of rock bottom and what that means to him. And there was a pivotal point in Adam's journey where his dope dealer texted him and Adam came up with a response. He did not anticipate.

Adam also talks about a profound spiritual experience he had in a restaurant, and I'll let him tell that story. He talks about, well, he mentions alcohol and drugs and how they are the solution to the... internal problem. And then he goes on to discuss the solution, what that is, and how we get in contact with that solution. We'll put all of Adam's links into the show notes so you can tap on those if you would like. If you want to get in touch with Adam or...

with me. Well, if you want to get in touch with Adam, you just go to those links that I put out there. If not, you can email me at johnjohn at soberspeak.com and I will get you in touch with Adam. I'll send his email. right on to those who want to get in contact with him. And keep in mind, at the end of this episode, we will have plenty of listener feedback. Without further ado...

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Adam G. Enjoy. Okay, everybody. So today we are sitting here with Mr. Adam G. Geez. So, and Adam is, well, I'll let him tell you. So, Adam, why don't you go ahead, introduce yourself, give us a bright date if you wish, and tell people where you live in this great land of ours, please.

Yeah, my name is, and you know what, I'm going to do something I haven't done before, and I'm going to stay Adam G for this entire podcast so I can freely speak with you. And my Sprite date is November 6, 2017. When we're talking about the hopeless variety of alcoholic, that's me. Seven and a half years ago, I was homeless. I was 86 to the homeless shelter, so I was super homeless.

And I was 70 pounds lighter than I am now. And I'm not fat. So I was very, very sick at the time. And what's beautiful about all this work that we do... as a community is that it shows the proof that this is possible. I'm one of the ones that nobody thought was going to get sober. That's me. And here I am on the Sober Speak podcast talking about sobriety.

Let me ask you a couple of questions. First, I've seen you have a really fine looking dog that's kind of walking around that house. Do you just have the one dog? yeah that's it he's gonna stay anonymous but that's my that's my little my little hijo he's my little son um he's also my service dog he gets to go everywhere with me and he uh you know

There's been some struggles in sobriety that he's definitely helped me with that's really good. And yeah, he's the prettiest Australian Shepherd on the planet and the smartest and the best and the cutest.

Sorry, anybody listening that has a dog, but here's a second. Wait a second. You said that he is a service dog. Yep. He's a trained and... and uh licensed and certified service dog he uh does things like deep pressure therapy for me he can actually read my my heart rate and stress levels and stuff and he does distraction licking and we'll come over and like

put his head and push down on my lap and stuff. And yeah, pretty amazing. Then dogs, if we train them like that, um, like I remember when he was, before he was a year old, he just had this like intuition where We as humans shut that off. And it's something, you know, we call it the fourth dimension of living, right? When we get rocketed into this fourth dimension, when we start to have this different kind of intuitive feeling and intuitive sense.

that we shut off, but animals don't. And I watch as he just knows things, and it's really interesting.

And I don't think we said this on the beginning, but I don't know if you mentioned it or not, but you're in Denver, Colorado, correct? I am in Denver, but I got sober in Montana. So when I was homeless... I was in the negatives living in a trap house in the winter in Montana, you know, and I've talked about this on the, uh, the.

the podcast before. There's only two states I've not been to in the United States. One of them is South Dakota and the other is Montana. So maybe I'll go back and visit your trap house with you someday. Yeah, and you could do a little road trip from South Dakota to Montana. It's beautiful. Yeah, that's what I understand. And I also want to talk about your shirt real quick. What does it say on your shirt?

says God first. And I actually have like eight or 10 different designs of this right now. I'm wearing a short sleeve with a red God first. And, you know, it has these white type sleeves, but then I have. a blue one a white one short sleeve long sleeve um because i you know i love to wear the brand of god and i get more uh more compliments on this than anything else because

It's just a little reminder. You know, I can go out in public and without saying a word, we have no idea what even our presence, a word on our shirt can do for somebody as we walk by. And I've had a lot of people, you know, pointed out. And say, I love your shirt, man. Thanks for that. Something like that, you know? Yeah. Very nice. I love how you said that I love to wear the brand of God. Very cool.

All right, so let's go into your story a little bit. I know you said you started out, you know, you were the hopeless variety, but why don't you kind of take us a little bit... farther back. Where's Adam come from? Did you grow up in Montana? What's going on there? Well I grew up in Littleton, Colorado and when I was super young I was

a troubled kid, but like specially gifted to where I had to leave my elementary school in fifth grade and go to a middle school. And then in middle school, I had to go to high school in the morning and then back to middle school after lunch. Because. I was getting in trouble because I was so bored in certain classes, you know, like I math and English and and I had to do French and Latin and stuff early on. And I would get in some trouble. So they they put me in.

different school um and then my it was seventh grade when and you know at the same time i'm sorry for jumping around in this time but like I was the home run derby hitter of the Little League World Series. My Little League football team won state every single year and we won nationals once. I won state wrestling in Little League. lots of just super great things that i could have done with my life and then uh when i was 12 years old i was introduced to cocaine

by an older influence. He was about 21, 22. I've done a lot of inventory around that situation because when the memory first popped back up, we go into that whole self-pity. And poor me and, you know, that kind of stuff and blaming others. But I really did work around it. And I understand that, you know, at what point did it become my responsibility to stop, you know, and I kept going, hiding it.

Even though I was the captain of our state championship football team at Columbine High School my senior year, I had this hidden drug and alcohol habit that continued to progress.

So, like you said, that kid was 21, you were 12. That's quite an early exposure, at least to cocaine, I would think. And when did you get introduced to, you know... alcohol was at about the same time what was going on there 11 before cocaine but i got introduced to cocaine before anything else like weed or anything like that they say you know weed is the gateway drug i think

anything is the gateway drug. You know, crack could be your gateway drug if it was the first thing you did, you know. But alcohol, like, alcohol was the only thing that I could ever, you know, you can count on alcohol. Even weed now, you don't know if this one's going to make you jump off the walls with anxiety or make you super sleepy and super hungry. And you never know.

how good the cocaine is going to be you never know how cut the heroin is going to be with fentanyl but when it came to alcohol like i could 100 i knew exactly how much jack daniels i needed to drink When I sat down at a poker table to get right where I needed to get to start winning, and then it would cross over this certain line, and then I would start losing control of the drinking and losing control of my gambling.

It would all just go downhill from there. But I could always count on it. I always knew if I didn't feel good, I could take a drink and I could feel better. You know, I had that solution.

my whole life and then drugs were you know drugs were always there because I was introduced to them and and they were you know a way to experience different things and you know it was almost like even more risque because uh i didn't really know exactly what was going to happen each time i did it you know um yeah alcohol was always there drugs became quite a bit of a problem in my story though

And it's funny because we work. What's that? As I say, alcohol is like McDonald's, right? Whenever you go in, you get that quarter pounder with cheese across the nation, you know exactly what it's going to taste like. And you know what that alcohol will do to you. And it's a good, consistent friend to have by your son. Exactly.

Exactly. All right. So there's going to be a case. So you're in high school. You're captain of the football team. You're, you know, you're an athlete. It sounds like you're very gifted scholastically as well. And then, so there's, why don't you now take me to that time between that high school period and, you know, when you were at the trap house in Montana?

uh you know there's how many years is that that you kind of build your story if you will well on september 28 2008 i'd been out drinking and partying like most nights my freshman year college when I woke up to my phone ringing and vibrating down by my leg. And I swam through the sheets to find my hard phone with the bright screen that read 4.47 a.m. And it was my best friend, Chucker.

and I remember having the conscious choice that I could either answer the phone like I always do with, hey, what's up, Chuck? Or I could answer the way I was feeling with, ugh, hello? And in my still drunken state, I chose the latter, and... He replied with, hey, what's up? I said, why are you calling me this late? Just call him to say hi. Don't call me this late again. And I hung up on him. And he shot himself.

And from that moment, when I was 19 years old, a freshman in college, that was the first time that I began consciously drinking and using to mask the way that I felt. I understood at that point. that now alcohol and drugs are my solution. I didn't understand to that point. I thought I was just partying and just having fun and everything. But in that moment, I couldn't tell anybody about that phone call.

For almost for almost 10 years, it was eight years before I told anybody. And I disassociated from it. And I actually heard because he actually did it in front of somebody else. He shot himself in front of somebody else. And. I talked to that person. That person said, yeah, you know, because I didn't know for a day what had actually happened. And this person told me, yeah, he was on the phone. I thought he was calling you. And he slammed the phone down.

ran into his room, and I was getting up to go in there when it happened and I watched him fall. And for eight years, I told people from his perspective. As if that was my story that it happened in front of me to get. Instead of instead of take responsibility and to actually do all that, I use that to my advantage, you know.

to disassociate from it. And I was so ashamed of it. Everybody's consoling me because he's my best friend and everything. But then I turn into this person that is always hiding. I'm always...

I can't tell anybody about my drug use. I can't tell anybody about my drinking. And then for the next eight, nine years, I'm just progressing. I mean, I've woken up in... the state-run detox center here in what's called the quiet room where if you're if you're just a problem they throw you in there and they can't hear you screaming or anything

And they just wait for you to detox. I've woken up in there, you know, and and some of this time, you know, I was able to make money and take care of myself. But the issue was that.

It was all going into my arm or it was going into my nose or I was drinking it. You know, I never was able to sustain anything. And, you know, I'll fast forward so we can get to recovery. But 2000. 16. I have a 2,800 square foot house, 10 minutes from the beach in California. I'm making six figures doing sales. And, you know, the whole time I'm just using heavily, you know, but I was always just.

able to figure certain things out. Um, I had a girlfriend, I had a motorcycle, a car, and I even had a dog, um, that was hers. But then it seemed like It seemed like overnight I lost everything. It was like one moment I'm driving to the beach. three days a week. I'm only working three days a week. I'm making good money, taking care of myself, my girlfriend, my dog. And then the next moment I'm like opening my eyes and I'm homeless.

And that's what happens to someone like me every single time. No matter how big I built my life up, no matter what business I did, no matter what job I got, I'd always get extremely high. and extremely low, over and over and over and over. And this time, after that one happened, I told the people, because I was able to just call and get a job in sales whenever I wanted.

And I actually told one of the biggest guys in that industry what was actually going on with me and that he needed to block it because I'm just enabling myself and I'm going to die. And that's so I technically I did selective homelessness because I just blocked myself from being able to get a job. And then I went up to Montana and.

I was going to meetings every single day. I was going to church. Just out of curiosity, how do you go from California to Montana? Did the girlfriend, the dog go with you? How did all that transpire? Well, I lost the girlfriend and the dog in California. And when I say I lost, I initiated it, you know, because, and I can, I can, you know.

I thought that I was protecting her because I could see what was happening with me and I knew I was going to lose everything again and I didn't really want to take her with me. So I broke up with her and then donated everything in that house. And I was going to move back to Colorado and start working there. I started working there. And I'm doing so well. I have corporate housing. My housing is paid for.

I'm making six figures. It's all going into my arm at this point. And I wanted to kill myself, and I'm crying on the floor. And I call this guy that's the CEO. He's the second fastest growing CEO on Inc. 500 that year. And I called him. He leaves a board meeting to talk to me. And I tell him what's going on. And I'm like, I'm going to die. Like, I can't keep doing this.

And I quit. Quit the job. And I called my probation officer who had let me travel to work from Montana because I was on probation because I was found. dead behind the wheel of a car from an overdose and had a little bit of dope on me. So get charged with a crime. And you know, I called my probation officer and I told him what's going on.

And I start begging for help. I go up there. I can't have a job. I'm homeless. I have to move into the homeless shelter based on probation. And I still can't stop. I'm literally going into the... probation officer begging him to put me in prison because I can't stop and I don't know what to do. And I was going to meetings every day, church every Saturday and Sunday, Bible study every Tuesday.

And I'm watching everybody else be sober around me and I'm not understanding why I can't get this thing. And, you know, no matter where we're at. In our drug use or drinking, in our active alcoholism or drug addiction, it always gets worse. And, you know, they say we have to let the alcoholic or the addict hit rock bottom. And it's just not true because there is no rock bottom.

I thought rock bottom was back in 2013 when everybody found out I was a heroin addict and kicked me out of this big friend group. And then I'm in an apartment alone trying to, you know, use enough to kill myself. But then. I thought it was rock bottom when I got pulled over and, you know, got pulled out of a car from an overdose and, you know, have this...

case over me. And I thought that was rock bottom. And then I thought it was rock bottom when I was living in the homeless shelter, praying and looking around. You know, all the people around me like, is this where I'm at now? I thought that was rock bottom. And then I got 86 from the homeless shelter. So what is rock bottom? It's when we stop digging. Right. It's when, it's when we actually, you know, in this whole time, I, again, I can shift blame or whatever, all I want.

But for some reason, I'm not hearing what I actually need to do to recover. I'm hearing to go to therapy. I'm hearing to go to meetings every day and don't drink in between meetings no matter what and make coffee at the meeting and pick up the cigarette butts, you know, put in that service. And that's all great. But someone like me.

I drink in between meetings no matter what. I don't have the capacity not to. And where I was getting sober, where I was trying to get sober, you had to raise your hand. if this was your first, second, or third meeting since your last drink. I raised my hand every single day for months. And I wasn't trying to hide it anymore. I was trying, you know? And there is a solution. I just wasn't hearing it yet. So...

I had some similar experiences in that I picked up at least, I don't know, a dozen or so desire chips. Sounds like you were stuck in that little hamster wheel as well. having to raise your hand on a consistent basis. So what broke through for you? When, how did you hear the message and, you know, and come up with your current sobriety day? What changed?

Well, I'm going to tell you a story real quick. And this is when I started actually actively seeking what was wrong with me. I was in South Carolina, 2016. It was after I'd left. you know, I was traveling and doing sales. So I was out there and I was living with my best friend who was also my boss. And then we had another apartment that had all the other sales guys. I was managing them.

We made the decision, you know, that I need to get sober. So I'm going to take a week off from work and I'm going to get sober. Right. First day I go to the Alano club there and I'm there all day. I go to five meetings back, back, back, back. And, you know, I'm thinking, you know, this is going to work. I go back to the apartments. One of the sales guys doesn't really know what's going on. He offers me a beer and I say yes. And.

and i'm sitting i remember this like it was yesterday i'm sitting at the top of these stairs drinking this beer and my best friend slash boss who gave me the day off the week off to try to get sober comes running up the stairs and In like slow motion, he grabs the beer out of my hand. He looks me in the eyes and he says, what the is wrong with you? And he throws the beer into the parking lot. And for the first time in my life, I actually was like, oh my gosh.

I don't know. And, you know, that's when meetings every day was really a thing. But then, you know, I was, it was a Tuesday. It was November 6th on. November 7th, 2017. I had used the day before on November 6th. And I was about to go to this Bible study that I was going to every Tuesday. I realized that I had literally tried everything to stop. I've tried everything. I've gone to meetings, church, Bible study, probation, therapy.

And I even went to the local MMA gym thinking they might be able to beat recovery into me. And I'm sitting in this car that this girl let me borrow that wasn't stolen, but I did have to start it with a screwdriver. Because that's just how we lived back then. But I'm sitting in this car, 148 pounds, sopping wet. And having this realization, I just sat back and I audibly said to God, I'm done.

I've tried everything. I'm not going to Bible study. I'm not going to meetings anymore. I'm not going to church or probation. Please just let me die. how honest I was with that request. Like I did not want my life anymore. And I think that was the key where all of my plans, all these meeting lists and, and probation.

Bible study, all this stuff was so tightly in my grasp, in my schedule, that I had to let go of that first. And I said this to him, and he whispered to me, and he said, it's time, go. And this is, it wasn't like a whisper from out here. It was like a whisper that it's almost like it goes into my head and into my heart. Like it hits me in the heart. And I, at first you would think I was like, yes, God. Yay.

It's time. But first thing I feel is upset and angry. Like, what's different about this time, God? What's different about this time than all the times that I've said, it's time. And I dump all my dope in a toilet saying I'm never going to use again. And then I wake up in the morning and I pawn my TV. What's different about this time? So I'm screaming at him and screaming at him in this car alone.

And I'm hitting the steering wheel and the roof of the car and just screaming at him and crying and crying. And then I kind of start to settle after a minute or so. I'm breathing hard and I'm crying. He just repeats himself and he said, it's time, go. And I'm like, all right, whatever you say. That was another key. Whatever you say. And I go to the Bible study. I bust the doors open. They're in the middle of the opening prayer. And you have to imagine a homeless me, you know?

And I dropped down on my knees and I put my hands up and I said, guys, please help me. I can't stop. I used again. I can't stop. Please help me. Please help me. The difference this time was that I was no longer throwing my hands up to the fellowship or to a Bible study or to a pastor or to a mentor. I was throwing my hands up to God. Please help me. I'm sick of this.

And my best friend, Brendan, walks over to me. He's the one that leads the Bible study too. And he passed me on the shoulder. He's like, hey, bro, let's just get through Bible study, you know? And then at the end of Bible study, one of the elders came over to me. He was like, hey, I just got a word. I need to pray for you.

And then for the first time in my entire life, someone put their hand on me, looked me in the eyes and started praying for me and demanding that these different things leave me like depression and drug addiction. You know, I have an all-seeing eye tattooed on my hand because I used to do all kinds of weird stuff. And he was praying the spirit of a cult out of me. And, you know, I was literally feeling weight coming off of me.

I was feeling my shoulders getting lighter. I was feeling something happening. And five days later, I haven't used in five days, and Brendan comes and picks me up from the streets, and he takes me to IHOP, International House of Pancakes, for breakfast. And I'm sitting there and, you know, I'm all excited because I have five days. And at the time, five days is incredible. You know, I can't believe that I have five days.

And I'm talking to Brandon. I'm all excited. Yeah, dude. And then I get this text message on my phone. And it's from my dope dealer. He's like, hey, bro, I just got some new stuff. It's fire. I'll give you a free 20 to try out. And right when I read it, I felt. something go in through the top of my head, all the way through my body. My toes were tingling, my fingers were tingling. I lost my peripheral vision. All I could see was the phone and then my thumb started texting back.

And it was in like King James. It was like, ye shall not text me again. Thou has texted me for the last time. And then at the end of the text, I feel this thing leave me. I feel it go from the bottom of my toes all the way up out of my head.

And I show it to Brendan. I was like, dude, that wasn't me. I was like, that wasn't me. He was like, okay. And I push send and I just had this little flip phone and I close it and I'm putting it in my pocket. I'm looking down at my pocket. I'm like, dude, I don't know what that was. I don't know who that was.

And I look back up and Jesus is sitting across from me. The entire restaurant had completely disappeared. It was his face. There was a glow coming from behind him. And he was just smiling. No words, nothing. and I immediately knew who it was. I immediately knew it was happening. And in that moment, and I'm talking in a split second, less than one second, the only way that I can compare the feeling that I had in this moment is when I used to shoot up heroin.

It was like all the negative thoughts about myself, all the fears, all the, you know, all the hatred and all the shame, all that stuff would just leave in an instant. But the difference when I saw Jesus sitting across from me is that all that stuff left and then I got flooded with this overwhelming sense of peace and purpose and love and value. And like I was seen and most and over all of it, it was like the first time I had felt like it's going to be okay. Like it is actually going to be okay.

And I immediately knew who it was. And I fought my face to the table, my hand up. I said, thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. And I looked back up and he was gone back in the restaurant. And I was like, whoa, you know, and in that moment, I.

I believe that God is able to completely heal us of withdrawals and cravings and all that stuff in an instant. You know, I believe that. That's not what happened for me. For the next three weeks, I am literally like, you have to imagine. decades of using decades of shooting up and drinking and all this stuff. So I'm like shaking on the daily basis. And the only time that I would actually get.

any relief from that was when I was actually working the 12 steps, not at a meeting, but on day 11, I'm living in the sober living house. Every night I'm listening to a speaker tape. Every single night. And I still do that today. I've done it every single night in my recovery since then. And I am listening to the speaker tape and Chris R. comes on.

And he starts speaking to me in a way I had never heard before. I had never heard somebody explain the disease like he had about the mental obsession and the phenomenon of craving and how. How the phenomenon of craving is actually only happening when the drugs or alcohol are in our system and the mental obsession is the thing that makes us not feel okay without them. I was like, huh, that's me. And he's talking about all of these issues that he had.

relating specifically to those two things, the disease of alcoholism, that ended up being what I had to hear to understand what was wrong with me. And then halfway through, he switches it up. And he starts talking about how he recovered. E.D. on the end. Recovered. From that hopeless state of mind, body, and spirit being unable to stop. And then he starts talking about how he did it. He did it by doing the steps as if his life depended on it. And I think he did his fifth step two weeks in.

And the obsession left, never came back. I was like, what? And then I start, I start interviewing for sponsors. You know, I'm like, who wants to sponsor Adam G? But the problem with a lot of the, with where I was at was that people were, you know, they had this way they did things where you do a step a month. So I'm going to these people that have 20, 25 years.

saying i want to do the steps rapidly and quickly and they're saying slow down it's not a race you know easy does it just another 24 bud you know and i and i love everybody in recovery, someone like me can't do that. And up to this point, I had always like, I've had many sponsors to this point. I've even sponsored by a celebrity that couldn't get me sober, you know? And.

I was always looking for someone that had the biggest truck, the best business, the prettiest wife, all these things that they say you want. You want to find somebody that has what you want. That's what they tell you. But that's garbage too. The person who ended up sponsoring me had never sponsored anybody before. Had never tried a drug before. He had only strictly alcoholic.

He had under two years of sobriety and he was a gay man. We had essentially nothing in common except for alcoholism. And what he did for me was he picked me up every single morning. 6.30 a.m. at my sober living house. We went to the movie theater that he managed. We went in the basement. We read the book and did what it said. That's it. And on day 25.

Uh, and, and again, this whole time I'm like shaking if I'm not working with him or I'm not sitting down and writing my inventory. So I'm like, I'm working hard on it. Day 25. Uh, he comes and picks me up. We go up to the rims and I do my first ever fifth step. Nothing super magical happens. I'm like, all right, well told him a few things I've never told anybody, but okay. Day 26.

He comes, picks me up 6.30 a.m. in his 1983 mailman Jeep. We're driving to the movie theater, and I'm looking over at this beautiful sunrise, and I have a spiritual awakening. that for the first time since I was 12 years old, I had absolutely no desire to drink or use. And I'm like, and it's like one day my mind is going here, like craving and shaking. And when am I going to use again?

And then all of a sudden, no desire. Total perspective change. And I look over at him and I've got tears in my eyes and I'm like, Aaron, thank you. I don't want to use, I don't want to drink. And I'm like, thank you. Thank you. And, um, you know, on day 30, I put down cigarettes, haven't had a drag of a cigarette since. On day 37, I hopped on a treadmill just to see what else God could do. And I ran a mile in 7 minutes and 18 seconds.

just staring at myself in the mirror and, uh, uh, and then now during COVID I beat the six minute mile, you know, because I don't, the first step, it says. admitted we were powerless over alcohol, admitted we were powerless over cocaine or whatever it is. It doesn't say we admitted we were powerless over everything. We have access to this power. And once we grasp that idea, we can literally do anything. So I started working on everything.

So now you're sober. And, and I know so for three, like seven, seven, eight years, something like that, right? Yep. Seven and a half. That was great, man. That was great. And so talk to me about some of your major milestones within sobriety. What's happened? Just talk to me about that a little bit. Yeah. Well, I want to prelude first before any accomplishments outside of this 12-step work.

I want to say that I have had some amazing things happen in my life outside of 12-step work that I'm about to share, but nothing, not one of them has compared to... The feeling of accomplishment, the feeling, the sense of just incredibleness that you get sitting across from somebody that was like you were doing the 12 steps with them and watching them have a spiritual experience.

I've been able to sponsor dozens of men and half a dozen females through the work to where they have that experience right in front of me. And the reason why I do it. not only because my life depends on it, but because someone did it for me. And it's the most rewarding thing in my life. I love it. It gives me a sense of just...

purpose. And that's the number one accomplishment that I've had in recovery. I would say anybody in recovery, if you're not sponsoring somebody, go get you a little knucklehead to To keep around you. Right. In fact, we were talking on the phone the other night. We were talking about this. You had a little knucklehead in the car with you. I can't remember the name right now. Yeah.

you're coming back from a meeting yeah caleb a and caleb's he's uh eight months sober and he has a sponsee that's all the way through the steps that is i think he got his first sponsee uh this week so and that's you know that's what i think we're missing in a lot of the groups and fellowships now is what it used to be it was all like

This is not a self-help program. It never was. I'm not doing this to help me. I'm doing this to help others. And that's the first conversation I have with every sponsee. I say, we're doing this work. Not to keep me sober and not to get you sober. We're doing this work so you can learn how to get other people sober and how to help them through it. Yeah, so you can pass it on. Yeah.

for sure. So some other things that I've gotten to do, I'll give you a quick synopsis of things that you don't at the end of, at the end of my addiction and alcoholism, all I wanted was to get sober. That's all I wanted. From 17 years old up until I got sober, I always wanted to go skydiving, but I was never able to because I couldn't be away from dope and alcohol that long. For six months sober, I went skydiving for my first time.

and just to celebrate the six months, and now I've been skydiving in three different countries. In my addiction and alcoholism, I hadn't even been invited to a wedding. In one year in my recovery, I was in, standing up there. in four weddings and i was the best man of one and and the one i was the best man he's you know got six months less than me and he is just killing it with life he's got wife business uh two-year-old baby now and

And I get to watch these things and see what this actually means to walk this journey. For my two years clean and sober, I got to publish my book. became a bestseller it's you know now i don't know i i've said you know over 10 000 and i have no idea how many it's been in the hands of now um you know i've been able to coach and help

A couple dozen, few dozen other people write and publish books about their recovery stories. I got to do a TED Talk. I got to... live in South America for almost two years and, and, you know, and I can, I can literally talk to somebody about recovery in Spanish now. And that was something I always, you know, wanted to be able to do was understand at least, but now I get to actually like speak that. And, um, you know, I've been able to have some success with business, been able to.

you know, help other people open treatment centers, been able to help people scale their treatment centers, do marketing and things like that. And, you know, last week at the time of recording this, my own treatment center just got our license and we got our first ad.

And what was beautiful and brings everything full circle is, you know, at the very end when I was asking for help everywhere, you know, I was on a list for treatment. I was on a waiting list. My probation officer couldn't get me into treatment. You know, nobody could get me into treatment. The judge couldn't even get me into treatment. And I was on a wait list that I never got a bed for. And this girl had been calling this other treatment center every morning at 8 a.m. trying to get in.

And then she found us and she's now getting one-on-ones with someone, the executive director who was way overqualified for that at this point. But he's like, I want to help her, you know, like how beautiful is that, that we.

It just comes full circle, you know? That's beautiful. That's beautiful. So speaking of your work, you know, if you want to give me links for people to find you in there. So a couple of things here. Why don't you tell people about yourself, whatever you want them to know. And I also kind of want you to put a little above. on this in other words if you think about the 12 steps uh your work with them your work with other people um

Kind of share some experience, strength, and hope around that. And what do you think people need to know out there who are like a kick in the tires, if you will? Yeah. You know, and I think it's okay for me to give you links and stuff because, you know, I naturally don't claim membership to any fellowship because I don't consider myself a part of any.

specific fellowship, I actually bounce around and just find the people that need help. I do work out of the big book, but so does like 187 others. And I don't know if you can see this, you can't see this if you're listening. But my big book literally is falling apart. And it's still warped from The time I was smoking crack and drinking a tall boy and then burnt myself and spilt my tall boy on my big book, you know, and I still have that thing, you know. And I would say that what's.

What's really awesome about this work is that no matter where you're at, it still works. Whether you're struggling right now, still trying to get sober, you know, we think that alcohol and drugs are the problem. But alcohol and drugs are the solution to the internal problem that we have. And once you grasp that that is really what's going on, there's something inside that needs to be solved.

then you can start seeking there, seeking inside rather than, you know, like I was, reaching out all over around me, being unable to find it, right? it's super important that we actually give the message to the people that need it. That's why I talk so openly about how bad I was struggling and how I wasn't hearing the message and how...

You know, there's something different about me that I have to do the 12 steps in order to recover. Someone like me, they have not found something. I work in treatment. treatment doesn't work like the 12 steps for people like me. Treatment, the therapy, the group therapies, all that kind of stuff is incredible, especially for like trauma, depression, things like that. It's incredible, right? But

I've watched somebody who had all these diagnoses from all these doctors do the 12 steps with me and be completely relieved from it all. There's something called the bedevilness. We were, we were. prey to misery and depression. We felt like we couldn't be of real use to anybody. We self-pity and all these things are just always inside of us. What is going on?

And if we talk about those things with a therapist or a doctor, we're going to get medicated. But guess what? There's a solution to all that stuff. And there's some outside issues. I get it. But I've watched people that had no idea that a lot of that stuff is untreated alcoholism. And if you do the steps as if your life depends on it, you will have a spiritual experience.

A hundred percent of the time and 50 to 75% of the time you will never drink or use again. As long as you keep doing the work and you keep helping others through the work.

And you're quoting the figures and numbers from Bill Wilson when they first started, right? With the first hundred-minute one, then I get it. First of all, when you saw Jesus, did you ask him who we should vote for? I'm just curious. I mean, him. I'm just kidding. It's actually interesting because that's one of the best ways that people can be pushed away from God.

is by taking the things of this world and asking what God thinks about them. God doesn't think about them. He knows all of it, but it all comes together in a way that none of us can know. He tells us to pray for whoever's in leadership. And not to worry about it. He knows how it's going to all work out in the end. And it always does. And then the other thing I wanted to just touch on with you real quick.

I guess people are, I don't know what you call it, confused or not, but, you know, you mentioned about the experience that you had. You know, yours was like, and, you know, some people have this, some don't. Yours was like the, you know, Bill Wilson thing, you know, seeing the White Mountain.

mountaintop or whatever the heck you saw and the light and all that sort of stuff so you had something similar but as you know not everybody has that kind of experience uh why don't you address that just a little bit here before we close up because

You know, I don't want people, I'm just going to say, like for me, I was going around for a year looking for an experience like that, and I never got it. Mine was of the educational and variety. But what are your thoughts on that? Yeah, and thank you so much for that question. because I usually touch on it. And when I said that I believe that God is able to heal immediately and take all that stuff away, you know, again, it didn't happen for me.

Like I could have and I can't rest on that experience that I had. I had to do the work in order to actually be relieved from this thing. I don't know why I had the experience. I felt. all kinds of different ways. I, at some point I almost wanted to stop sharing it because I didn't want people to think that they needed it in order to recover. Um, because you don't, you know, the work works. I've, you know, I'd say probably about.

Maybe one to two in 10 people that I sponsor have some kind of experience like that. One or two out of 10, right? But the thing is, is that... Every single person I have ever sponsored that has gone through the fifth step with me and started to work on amends, every single one of them has had a spiritual experience.

Some kind of thing where they hit me up and they're like, dude, I met him. I'm dude, I'm experiencing him right now. I've had an atheist sitting across from me going to point at the big book and tell me how BS this stuff about. in we agnostics is and he goes to point and then he stops and he looks up at me he says bro i feel him like there is nothing else like that where

Christians and agnostics and atheists and Hindus and Jews and all of these, all of us can come together and have a spiritual experience. And you don't need, and what I found also. is that we don't want to search for a spiritual experience. We want to seek God and life becomes a spiritual experience. Every moment, we want to live...

as many perfect moments stacked on top of each other, like what would God have me do right now? And the more we can stack those on together, the more we're going to recognize how tiny our minds are.

Because we start to have these things happen that there's just no other explanation. I hear you, brother. I hear you. Like you said, there's no other explanation. This has been fantastic, Mr. Adam G. I am going to go ahead and read from 164 of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which has been referenced many times here. Excuse me, to close this out.

It says, abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us, like me and Adam. As you trudge the road of happy destiny, may God bless you and keep you until then. Once again, Mr. Adam, thank you so much for joining me today. I really, really appreciate it. God bless.

You too. Once again, Adam, my friend, thank you for spending time with me. I know the listeners enjoyed that. If you want to get in touch with Adam once again, click on the links in the show notes or... You can email me at johnjohn at soberspeak.com and I will get you and I will send your information on over to Adam so he can communicate with you.

Keep in mind, if you're not following us on Facebook, you could do that. Just go to Facebook application. Excuse me. Something caught in my throat there. Go to Facebook and search up. Sober Speak Seeker Group. Ask for admission into the group and we will get you on in. If you're not following us on Instagram, I would highly suggest you do so. It's at Sober Speak.

All one word on the Instagram. Now, on to a little bit of listener feedback. Kate writes in and Kate says, hey, John, I live in a small town in Lucas, called Lucas in Ohio. My recovery, well, I think I'm one of the ones that they are talking about when they say some learn slowly. have been in and out of detox three times. This last time was it for me. Every time I went out, I just got work. At this time, at this...

time last year, I think she was saying, I was turning yellow and not doing very well. I lost my job and my career of 20 years plus. I was an assistant pastor. That has been a hard adjustment, but I'm seeing God's hand working in me. I have been sober now since December 10th of 2024. And while it's not easy, I see through AA and... and my sober support that God's hand is moving.

I am working on getting a CDCA, which is a chemical dependency counselor assistant, so I can help others find their freedom in this great life of sobriety. Good for you, Kate. She says, I love listening to your podcast. My sponsor is the one who told me about it, and I share it with everyone I talk to. I'm so grateful to you and everyone who has shared their strength. and hope. Many blessings to you and the podcast. Grateful recovering alcoholic, Kate.

D. Well, God bless you, Kay. Thank you so much for writing in. Congratulations on your sobriety since December of 2024, and I hope things go well with that license certification. Thanks for writing in. Joey writes in and Joey says, Hey John, so my name is Joey and I live in Sarasota, Florida. I was released from prison recently and I'm currently at a rehab center called...

the Light Share Residential House, and I finally phased up to where I can start working. I just got a job and I definitely had to reach out to you because I listened to your podcast. every day, and it definitely helped my recovery while I didn't have meetings. I'm 21 months sober, and I love life, and I'm just so grateful for all that your podcast is giving me. And I hope to keep learning more from listening in. Wow, Joey, that's very, very cool. Oh, man. And I still, to this day, get... such

such a good feeling inside. I don't know how to explain it. A lightness inside when I hope here the people are able to listen to my podcast while they are confined. while they are inmates. And for those of you listening out there, God bless you. You can't see me right now doing my little namaste hands, but hang in there one day at a time. We love you. We're with you. We pray for you.

Thank you, Joey, for writing in. John B. writes in, and John B. says, John M., I spent 30 days in a county jail for a DWI. Here's another one. I was blessed to discover your podcast in there and I have way too many favorite episodes and speakers to name. I really appreciate your service. I'm interested in joining the super secret AA group. Thanks for all you do. Well, I noticed that you got into that super secret AA Facebook group, John. Thanks for being in there and thank you for writing in.

And I'm glad we were able to provide a little respite from your time behind bars in the county jail. Thanks so much for writing in.

P. writes in, and Katie P. says, this is, oh, Maria writes in, excuse me, and her subject line is Katie. a very important message. She says, Hi, John. My name is Maria. I'm a sober alcoholic from Copenhagen, Denmark. Well, I don't know if you know this, Maria, but I used to... dip something called Copenhagen, like a can and a half a day of it, but I wonder if people in Copenhagen dip Copenhagen. Maria, you probably have no idea what Copenhagen is, or you may, but anyway, nonetheless.

I digress. Maria says, I'm currently six years sober and I'm looking for a good sponsor. It's been very hard finding someone with a strong sobriety and someone I can relate to. However, After listening to Katie P., I believe I finally found her, and I'm now trying to hunt her down to get some sobriety to the cold north. or just me for a start.

As rings spread in the pond, good messages do as well. And I believe the female population of Denmark could use some influence of a Southern AA strong will. and wise lady. Well, that is Katie for sure. She says, I know you know her personally, and I'm hoping that you're able to share contact information with me. I'm on WhatsApp or email is listed below. P.S.

I could have lied and asked for her information pretending to have a speaker event, but I'm simply too sober to do so, even though it probably would have worked. PPS, I'm not so... rare enough to consider the idea. Hence, that's why I... Oh, I'm not sober enough not to consider the idea. Hence, that's why I need a good sponsor, also known as KDP. I pray this message finds you well and hope.

that whatever happens, I want to thank you for taking time to read this and also for your podcast and having amazing speakers on. Kind regards, Maria. Boy, I'm glad I don't have to pronounce that last name, but it does look very Copenhagen, Denmark-ish. But anyway, she leaves her information there. And as you know, Maria, I went ahead. and replied, copy Katie in, and I'll let you guys take it from there. And yeah, Katie is...

I've been talking to Katie about coming back on. We've been going back and forth via text and such like that. She says she's going to come on, and I think she will. It's just a matter of finding the right time for both of us.

Bridget writes in, and this is a little bit of a longer one, but it's a very good one. Bridget says, Hi, John. I've been sober for just over a year and a half, and I picked up my 18-month chip. two weeks ago. I found your podcast about eight months ago when I started listening to it just at the current episodes, but I have a little bit of a neurotic tendencies, go figure, being an alcoholic and a little...

I'm also a little neurotic. So I started from episode number one, and I've been listening to several episodes a day. And I am up to one episode number 174. from February 19th of 2021. At the beginning of the podcast, you shared about the death of a family member at the hands of her, quote, significant other. Yeah.

I remember that. At the end of the episode, you mentioned perhaps you should have taken the week off and not shared what was going on. Well, I just wanted to let you know that I'm really, really, really glad you shared so many years ago. such a difficult thing and what your family were going through. She says, I got sober on October 26, 2023, two days after my last drink, but... had misused painkillers.

The hospital had prescribed after my, quote, significant other, unquote, of eight years had gotten very drunk and shattered my nose by punching me in the face. I'm sorry about that. She says, I received a letter from the Texas Department of Criminal Justice that he, in the next few months, will head for the parole board. He had his dad reach out to me saying that I should support his release.

I still have a protective order against him and will continue to have one against him upon his release, either with parole or the end of his sentence in 2027. Today, as I heard you share the story about your very young relative and how she had a protective order but ended up interacting with that. quote, man, unquote, and not surviving the interaction despite interventions from onlookers.

pushed that I needed to write the letter to the parole board and share what my life has been like while, together, and since. I am much older than your young relative. I'll be 45 this year. I've really been struggling the last week and a half to two weeks about it, if I should say anything to the parole board or not. And the experience with your family reminded me of the importance for him to complete his sentence and that I need to do my part so that God could do his part.

After your introduction to the end episode, I hit pause and I was able to very quickly write. that letter this afternoon. Hopefully, I don't have the same faith that she had and no other woman that has... that this, quote, man, unquote, enters into a relationship with, ends up in the same position, and I may, and that I may.

and many before me had ended up, that I and many before me had ended up in. She says, I have tears in my eyes while I write this, John. Please know that every fiber of being. I wish that that day had not been the end of her story for that fateful day. Yeah, me neither. She says, I wish you would never have had to share your grief, but I want you to know that by sharing your grief of that unbelievable tragedy, I strongly believe that you very much have saved other.

lies the god of my understanding does not cause the shit essay The God of my understanding does not cause the shit in this world to happen, but if I wholeheartedly believe that God uses all of this shit in this world so that we can help others. I haven't caught up to the current episode because I do need to listen to them in order. I don't have very much control over this and many things in my life right now. So listening in order is very helpful to me.

If you decide to read this on the podcast, please let me know so I can tune in to the episode. I'm so grateful for your service and the amazing speakers you've had on, and I have found so much courage and hope and strength. when I didn't have any of my own. I live in Georgetown, Texas. I attend meetings at my home group, which is the Wednesday night meeting, women's meeting at the White House.

I currently have a sponsor who has a sponsor and I am slowly, slowly, slowly trudging through the steps. I've been on step four. writing and reporting every week for over a year. I had a lot of resentments and a lot of fears. I started drinking alcoholically at the age of four. Maybe at some point I can share more of my story with you. But I can tell you... But what I can tell you is the last 18 months being sober is the longest I've been sober since I was four. And then I have the most...

And then I have been the most authentically me. And I have been in the, oh, I've been the most authentically me. I've been in my entire life. The promises are coming true. Even as I take the slips. steps slowly. I don't know if it's really a pink cloud, but I do feel happy and joyous and free. May God bless you and keep you. I am also very grateful for your authenticity. Thank you, John M., from a very grateful, alcoholic, Bridget.

T. So thank you so much, Bridget T. for writing in. We appreciate you. God bless you. I'm sorry you had to go through all that.

You know, like they always say, God can share our darkest moments to help others. And hopefully that has been the case with you, and it will continue to be the case with you. So thank you so much for writing in. I think that's it, everybody. And we have another one in the books. Keep coming back. It works if you work it. I take this one week at a time. I hope to be back next week visiting here with everyone. And as Bridget just said, may God bless you and keep you until then.

Thanks for tuning in, everybody. That's it. Love you guys. Bye-bye.