E151: The Benefit of a Sober Community - podcast episode cover

E151: The Benefit of a Sober Community

Oct 31, 202333 minEp. 151
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In this captivating episode, we're diving headfirst into the world of recovery, where gifts of sobriety and the power of paying it forward take center stage. Join us as Steve and Matt share their heartfelt stories and experiences, revealing why helping newcomers is more than just a duty; it's a profound journey of transformation.

First, we explore the ripple effect of reaching out to the newcomer in recovery. Steve and Matt discuss the importance of modeling positive behavior and creating a welcoming atmosphere in meetings. They delve into the idea that helping newcomers can extend far beyond the individual, potentially impacting hundreds of lives down the road. It's a reminder that every small act of kindness can have a monumental effect.

The conversation takes an inspiring turn as they reflect on the incredible gifts of sobriety they've received. Steve opens up about the priceless moments he's experienced in his family relationships, thanks to his commitment to sobriety. Sam shares how a simple phone call with his son and grandkids became a cherished gift made possible by his journey in recovery. Their stories underscore the profound transformation that comes from embracing sobriety.

As the episode unfolds, you'll discover the true essence of paying it forward. The hosts discuss the fulfillment of helping others and how it extends beyond sobriety into everyday life. They emphasize the significance of even the smallest gestures, likening it to the heartwarming concept of "paying it forward" at a coffee shop. In this context, the act of helping others is nothing short of life-saving.

Join us on this powerful journey as we explore the unbreakable bonds formed in recovery and the immeasurable impact of reaching out to newcomers. Discover the joy of paying it forward, making a difference in someone's life, and leaving a lasting mark on the world. Steve and Matt's heartfelt stories and insights will inspire you to be the change you wish to see, one act of kindness at a time.

So, whether you're in recovery, supporting someone on their journey, or simply seeking inspiration for a brighter world, don't miss this compelling episode that reminds us all of the incredible potential within every one of us to make a difference and change lives for the better. Tune in now and let your heart be touched by the extraordinary power of sobriety, community, and paying it forward.

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Transcript

Matt

emphasis on the new guy. That's why we're here. The most important person listening to the podcast is somebody who is brand new, sober. The most important person who walks into a 12 step meeting is that person who takes a 24 hour trip or walking in for the first time with a one month chip. That's why we do it, to help out the new guy. But why do we do that? Steve, What's going on?

Steve

hey, back. Great to see you tonight.

Matt

Good. Sam.

Steve

Yeah, we do. That's what we. That's what we do. You know, we talk about it. We talk about it on here. How sometimes we especially our Monday night meeting, we've had meetings where we've had four or five of us,

Matt

Mm

Steve

and

Matt

hmm.

Steve

that's why we do it. We do it so that we're there in case somebody needs help and we want to make ourself available. So,

Matt

Well, not this week. If you're. If you're around South Windsor, Connecticut, and you want to come to our Monday night meeting, bring a table with you,

Steve

yeah,

Matt

because our little meeting turned into a pretty big meeting.

Steve

yeah, that did it. It really has popped a little bit recently and. And speaking of new newcomers, we've had a bunch of new people come through that those doors in the last month. It's been incredible how many new people. And as, as we, as we will talk about, most of them have been one and dones a little bit like, you know, high school superstars one and done as they come they show up, they talk. They're really happy to be there. They're happy to to talk to us.

And then you don't see them. And I always hope that they found different meetings that work for them. But sometimes we'll never know.

Matt

I think the chances are probably nil.

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

The honest truth is that most new people who come in, or most people who are choosing to get sober don't stick around.

Steve

You know.

Matt

If you've been sober for quite a while, you are the exception. You broke, broke the odds. Congratulation to you. But I'll tell you, it does bum me out to see new people and then they don't show up. Is there anything

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

I can do about that? Have I done something wrong? Steve, If I haven't

Steve

right.

Matt

helped that new person come back.

Steve

No, I don't think so. It's and it's it's, you know, it's always a personal thing. You know, we had we had some new people come through, and then this week we had a new person come in who was in new to the meeting and wasn't even new T.A., but was coming back. And even that person who I know so a little bit and I've talked to was like, Yeah, I'm not sure. Like, I'm not I'm not sure they're ready to do what's necessary. They yeah, they, they've had a taste of it and

we'll see. We'll see. I'm not sure that they've, they've gotten rid of that obsession yet and they can actually put some clean time together. I've talked to them about a retreat that's going on in a couple of weeks. I'm like, Hey, you know, if you could put some time together, Might be a good idea for you to come along. A lot of interest. Yeah, we'll talk about it. Yeah, they have my number, so we'll

see. We'll see. I mean, I always hope these are people, you know, this happens to be a person that I know and I like a lot. I hope this person finds his way back and decides to do this program, and I know how hard that is. It was hard for me. It was hard for me. but it's the only thing that worked for me. So hopefully it'll work for him.

Matt

I struggle with understanding somebody who's not ready to get sober, coming to a meeting and not sticking around because for me, going to a meeting for the first time was admitting defeat and was so scary to walk

Steve

Mm hmm.

Matt

down those stairs to the church basement and see those faces. And I'm one of you. I just don't understand how you go in with half measures. I guess that's just my mindset that I just don't think that way. I would struggle to relapse just because I don't want to feel that uncomfortable again.

Steve

Right.

Matt

That was like peak discomfort going into a meeting for

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

the very first time.

Steve

Absolutely. I mean, I still remember that feeling of walking in there, feeling totally like knowing that I needed to go there, but not wanting to be there at all. Right. And I get that feeling. So when somebody says, you know, I talked to talk to this guy and he said, you know, I don't even want to go to meetings. Right. And I get it. And I said, Well, I get it like I do. I get they don't want to go to meetings. I don't want to go to meetings.

When I first came in, and I don't want to do that either. Like, it's just such a tough, tough thing to do. It's really, really difficult to for many of us, not for all of us, but for many of us to get up that courage, to walk in those doors and to raise your hand and say, Hey, I'm Steve and I'm an alcoholic, really, really hard. And I agree with you like, I don't want to feel that way again. I had to one time, but I certainly don't want to do it again.

Matt

No, I don't want to do it again. And it would be tough to build relationships and go back out back to the new person and our purpose. What makes it important for people who have some level of sobriety to try and help a newcomer?

Steve

Well, for me, and I think for most of us who we reach out, try to help somebody, it always enhances my sobriety. Right. So when I when I reach out to that newcomer and I start being able to interact with that newcomer, it brings me back to where I was like, I could see me and most alcoholics, right? I can see me struggling like their struggle that they had. I could just look at it and see me when I before I came in and think, Oh, this is what's out there for me, right?

This is exactly what's out there for me. So it helps me, number one. And then it just, you know, I mean, just to help somebody else, to watch somebody come in and get sober and then return to a somewhat of a normal life, maybe a very different life than they had. But what most people could be consider a normal life. It's an amazing feeling. I had one of my spouses stop over today and is going on the retreat with us. And, we came in months apart, months apart. We

came in. He just celebrated 13 years September.

Matt

It's

Steve

I

Matt

nice.

Steve

came in, I came in in August, and I celebrated 13 years. So we met early and I brought it out to the Friday night meeting. And then we became friends and I became a sponsor. And he just went through a horrible medical issue

Matt

All

Steve

and he's,

Matt

right.

Steve

you know, feeling better after that. And it's just so nice to be involved with somebody's life like that that this guy needed help at the time. I was at the time I was just a guy there willing to help them out and to become friends with them and to be able to walk through some of this stuff with them is an amazing feeling.

Matt

If you read the big book, it talks about when all else fails. Not to get all big book thumper ish. But there's a point here. When all else fails to try and keep sober. Experience with another alcoholic will always work, and the newcomer is no exception for me. It does remind me where I came from. I don't know. It just brings out the best in me. I like when I see somebody who's new to a meeting I go to regularly that I've not seen before. There is just in general, and I think this is where the

topic comes from. For me, just in general, it's become a nice feeling, a drug almost, just to help another person in the span of recovery and even outside the span of recovery where I can be selfless. I get the same feeling that I do helping somebody brand new. To

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

me, there really is no difference if I feel better because it's somebody new who is trying to get sober. It is the same feeling of somebody at work who has the same business problem I have. I would like to reach out and help. Maybe we can find a solution together. I get the same feeling.

Steve

yeah. Yeah. It once you you know, when when you get into this program and you get into recovery, especially our program and we go through the steps, we start thinking outside of ourselves, right? I mean, I've talked about it. I said my life early on was transactional. Still can be in certain aspects in at times, but mostly it's not. And but I, I am always willing to help. Like, it is such a a heart for me it is it's such a high to help people that I know. No I know nothing about like

that little bit. I mean it We talk about holding the door open for somebody like, you know, I did it just the other day. I was oh, I was walking into the library and a woman's walking out and I just stopped and held the door open. And it's amazing. You could just see the look on their face like they're not used to that. And in this day and age, Right. I mean, I see that two people just walk right in front of you. You know, they pay no attention to you. They're not used to that common courtesy as

much. It's out there, but not as much as it used to be. It just feels good. It feels good to do that, feels good to help people. And then when it comes to the drinking part of it, the alcohol, the recovery part of it, I think everybody I don't care about the program. I think if you're out there trying to support recovery, then you're probably doing it because either we're doing one

of two ways. Either you're trying to make money, right, which there's plenty of people out there trying to do recovery and make money.

Matt

Mm hmm.

Steve

And if you're not trying to make money, then you're just doing the same thing. You're just trying to help somebody to feel good. Right? Everybody's doing that. And I don't care what your community is, whether it's online, whether it's one of these other thing, one of these other ways to get, you know, to get sober just it is still to help people. And I think a lot of people feel good about that.

Matt

On the online community, places like Instagram, I see people helping each other.

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

It's

Steve

yeah,

Matt

the same thing. And

Steve

yeah.

Matt

we're bringing this back to step 12. To me, this is where you're working. Step 12, bringing the program or sharing the message of recovery of whatever it looks like to that next person so they can pick it up. And even if you're online and you're getting sober on a place like Instagram or TikTok, there still is a lot of in many ways, in your own way, you're working

Steve

Mm

Matt

12 the 12th step

Steve

hmm.

Matt

of whatever your working that you're spreading the message. This is sort of a universal thing. Well, why is it important to spread the message or in another way, try and help somebody who's brand new?

Steve

You know, I think you almost need to have experience the addiction that we experienced right? Because you said something like, I. I came into Tik-tok just a couple of years ago, and one of the things that I found very quickly was sober TAC and I found a lot of women out there early sobriety telling this story day one day to day three, like literally going right through it. And most of them are very good. Like they're very good in front of the camera and they helped a lot of people out.

And that that message of of getting out there to people is is huge. It's huge. And I just think that no matter what it is, they're getting a message out there because they found a bottom right. And there most of them will tell you, I'm giving you this message. This was worked for me. Maybe you don't need to experience that, right?

That's the other thing. Like I talked to this person the other night and I know, you know, I'm very good friends with his sponsor and it's like, you don't need to you don't need to do this anymore. Right? I mean, that's the biggest thing, just to let them know, like, we don't need to behave this way. We don't need to suffer anymore. so I don't know, it's really important to be out there and try that, just so that they know that recovery is possible

Matt

I was powerless this week. I texted you. I was talking to a customer who wanted to speak

Steve

here.

Matt

to a supervisor. He was 845 in the morning and this woman was blasted.

Steve

Mhm.

Matt

She was spelling words on the app because clearly she couldn't read it. And at first I thought maybe she's got a reading issue, but she's saying things like it says S.E. Cupp or R.T. and also supports a pretty easy word. And then I heard this. She finished talking

Steve

Yeah. Yeah,

Matt

and I'm like, oh, my God, The woman's blasted. And

Steve

yeah.

Matt

she got more and more hard to understand as the conversation went on. And I'm trying to walk her through how to use an app. And I'm thinking to myself, how am I going to do this?

Steve

Right,

Matt

There's no way a woman this blasted is ever going to be able to figure this out. And I even sent her a document like she she is less coherent as this conversation goes on. And it's

not 9

00 yet in the morning. And I only talk to East Coast people. So I guess it would be worse if they were on the West Coast. But that's that's a that's a sorry state of affairs. I can't reach out to her in my role. And it frustrated me. And you were helpful enough to pull me out of that. And you're saying she doesn't realize she doesn't have to live this way?

Steve

right,

Matt

And I wasn't thinking it that way. I was thinking through of I don't want to spend 40 minutes with this woman.

Steve

right.

Matt

I talked to a lot of drunk people,

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

a lot of people who want to speak to

Steve

right.

Matt

who want to escalate are

Steve

Right.

Matt

drunk. And

Steve

Yeah, yeah.

Matt

it's

Steve

I

Matt

early

Steve

can

Matt

in

Steve

imagine.

Matt

the morning. It's not abnormal.

Steve

I could imagine in a customer service role type role and especially a management position like yeah, you're getting a lot of those people. yeah. You know back in my day you would have gotten me. I'm not kidding you. I would have, I would have escalated it up for sure. but it's always, it's hard. It's really, really, really hard to witness that, whether it's in person or, like you said on the phone, from our perspective, like, you just know the suffering, this person and they

don't know it. That's this for the most part. And we don't know we don't know whether this woman knows or not. But just to to be that way at, like you said, 830, 9:00 in the morning. Oh, just it's heartbreaking. It's what it is. It's heartbreaking to me.

Matt

I was not a morning drinker

Steve

yeah,

Matt

and

Steve

me

Matt

thank

Steve

neither.

Matt

God I got sober before I got to that point.

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

You know, that's a possibility. Just because. Okay, I wasn't that bad and it wasn't a morning drinker. It doesn't mean it wouldn't have progressed to that point.

Steve

Yeah. I wasn't either. I don't know why I don't. I mean, this I drink in the morning, but it wasn't because I was like. I mean, I drink in the morning when I was young because I wanted to start today, but when I was really bad, when I was alcoholic drinking for some reason, I never morning drank. For the most part. I had a long drive to work. I had a 55 mile

drive to work one way. And during my worst of my years and and I didn't want to do that and I always drank coming home like on that ride home I drank, but I didn't drink, drink going in and I'm not sure why, but I never got there either. And I'm happy. I'm happy that I didn't wake up thinking. Usually I woke up feeling like crap like a lot of us do. I felt emotionally and physically like crap. And I was never, you know, the old here, the dog person that I never hit,

that I never figured that out. I don't even think I ever tried to. Even when I was younger, I know. Like, oh, it's just whatever it was, I just never I was like, I guess I was lucky or whatever you might

Matt

Yep.

Steve

think. Yeah. Um, that it wasn't me.

Matt

You might have gotten there, though. It's

Steve

Absolutely. Listen, I and I. And I can get there again, right? I mean, we talk about going out again, and, trust me when I tell you, there's a lot to you that's out there, right, for me. that's one thing I've never done yet, but does not mean that if I picked up and went out, that I wouldn't end up there. Because I see it becoming a more possibility for me

because I don't work. I don't, you know, I still work a little bit, but I don't drive like I could easily see me waking up in the morning thinking, screw life. I'm just going to start drinking as soon as I wake up. so now it's it's not something I want to even think about. Trying,

Matt

you know, if I had beer when I was in college,

Steve

huh?

Matt

in that period of time, I started drinking late morning because it was an exciting thing that I actually had beer. So

Steve

All

Matt

if I

Steve

right.

Matt

actually had beer around and nothing to do, I would start drinking in the

Steve

Right.

Matt

morning.

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

I grew out of it. Later on because it wasn't socially acceptable and I knew how tired I would get,

Steve

right. Yeah, me too.

Matt

but I had pushed it off at that point because I won't be

Steve

Uh

Matt

functional. I have to function first

Steve

uh.

Matt

before I get the opportunity to drink, But it is possible. I would say that that probably would really accelerate if I went back to drinking because there were some rules I had in place for myself, so I couldn't be an alcoholic. Well, I've already admitted I'm an alcoholic. So what's the point of having the rules after the fact?

Steve

Right.

Matt

I think about that a lot, that if I

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

went back out to drinking, it would not be controlled. It would be, well, screw it. What's the point now?

Steve

right.

Matt

I might as well just do whatever I want

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

because I

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

know I have a problem.

Steve

yeah. That was my point about morning drinking. Like, if I went out, like, that would be the point. Like, why bother, right? I mean, I certainly know today. I know from being in the program twice that I'm an alcoholic, that I can't control my drinking once I start. So why try like, Absolutely. Why try, why, Why fake it? Why lie to myself? I wouldn't be able to lie to myself if I went back out. Right. That the first time, you know, I didn't know better the second time I lied myself and

said, Oh, you can do this. I couldn't do that a third time. I couldn't do that. I would just know, like, Hey, you just deciding to drink. So there would be there would be no reason to have rules or anything like that. So yeah. So that's not what I want. And that's why and that's again, that's why we help the newcomer. Because again, just like we were talking when this newcomer, if you have a chance to talk to them, it brings you back to a spot without you

Matt

Yep.

Steve

having to drink, right? So you get to experience that by by their pain and suffering without happening, having to go through that yourself, you know?

Matt

Part of it is I learned that I'm supposed to help other people,

Steve

Mm

Matt

so there is some duty to it that you get to a certain point. You've been told enough times, you're supposed to help somebody who's new. If you don't do it, I feel some guilt.

Steve

hmm.

Matt

So in some ways I do it just out of this is what I'm supposed to do. I follow the instructions and I do that. Otherwise I almost feel like I'm doing something wrong. If I don't. That's been conditioned. It is also really helpful. And I sometimes have to get my head around things the right way because I may see that new person not being receptive or see those signs that I remember a guy who came in, we saw him like one time and he was bitching and moaning about

something. He his first year bitching and moaning and there was a lot of why his drinking wasn't his fault. And I didn't think I'm ever going to see this guy again. I never did. And still you got to reach your hand out to that person.

Steve

Absolutely.

Matt

One you never know. But to me, helping the new person is being a role model.

Steve

Mm

Matt

I look

Steve

hmm.

Matt

at if I'm somebody who has some sobriety and I've got my shoulders upright because you can walk in and tell and many times you can spot a new person

Steve

Mm hmm.

Matt

and you can spot somebody who has some sobriety. I want to be a good role model. I don't want to be a fake person where well, that's a great share that you're making, but when your hand is down, you act like an ass.

Steve

All

Matt

So

Steve

right.

Matt

this isn't even worth it. It's all fake. I don't believe many ways that they said they haven't drunk in 20 years because that's not physically possible for anybody to do. And now I see it is all bullshit because they see how that person's acting. That's important to me.

Steve

Yeah. I think it's important to most. Most people, although there are people, like you said, who who act don't act well, even though they have long term sobriety. but I. I do. I listen, I just want to put my best foot forward, Right?

Matt

Mm hmm.

Steve

I was given a gift, okay? I was. I was trying to. I was tried. It was tried to be given to me in 1995. And early on in my sobriety, I wasn't ready to accept it, but I was able to come back in and get a gift that is invaluable to me. It really is. It's invaluable to me. Right. We talked about it that I didn't have a great relationship. I had a very somewhat of a strained relationship with my son, who I just got off the phone with actually face time with with two grandkids. just a great giggly

conversation. I look at that, that relationship and like, that's not available to me without this program that that was given to me as a gift and that just my drinking like, you know, I mean, just the way I have to, you know, live my life, you know, like so when he calls me up and I've done it before, when he's called me up before, hey, can you come down and watch the kids or watch one of the kids? You know, we got some

things we got to do. Yeah. And I got to drive an hour down there and I might go down there, spend three or 4 hours. But it's a gift for me to be able to do that. I just to me, I just feel like I have to repay that gift and pass that gift, you know, pay it forward. The old Dunkin Donuts line, right. You pay. You pay for the person in back. You so that they just you know, you just do something nice. Hum. How many times have I heard those stories? You know,

Matt

Yeah.

Steve

people go in and they paid they buy some of these meal behind them just to be nice. This is it. But this is different because this could be life saving. All right. We've talked about my friend, you know, my wife's friend who she went to grammar school in high school with who decided she didn't want to live anymore and literally planned planned it and executed a plan to drink herself to death. And she did that while her son moved in with her. And her son went through it day in and day

out. And I just can't think of anything

Matt

And

Steve

more horrifying than that.

Matt

think of the potential as well. We know these people who are 30, 40 years sober, and they have sponsored half of the people on

Steve

Mm

Matt

this bank of the Connecticut River.

Steve

hmm. Mm.

Matt

Lots of people. You need to think through that. That guy who looks like he's hurting, who might not make it, if you reach out that hand and get them to one more meeting or get them on a path where they get some tools for sobriety, what if that person becomes the next guy to sponsor half of the people on this side of the Connecticut River

Steve

Right.

Matt

and those spiderwebs that go out, that catch, that next person, that there is that possibility you helping, that newcomer has made an impact on hundreds of people down the road?

Steve

Yep. Absolutely. And the truth is, we don't even know sometimes, right? We don't know That happened. We reach out. Listen, I've talked to. I've talked to dozens of alcoholics. Dozens of guys have talked about it before. I've had, you know, probably I mean, probably 12 to 15 guys come through my house, meet with me in my basement, start doing some type of work. And most of them, I don't know from the here, most of them I truly don't even remember their names. Right. They cut, they

come. They didn't stick around long enough. so maybe they're out there somewhere. Just like we just said. Maybe the newcomer came into our meeting and went out. For some reason, our meeting didn't work for them and has found another meeting. And you're right. They're going to become one of those people. And the fact that we didn't screw them up or scare them off, we did our part. Right. And I'll tell you about that Monday night meeting. It's a great meeting.

Matt

Mm hmm.

Steve

It's very welcoming. Right? Any time a new person comes in, they're there are multiple people, whether it's male or female, reaching out, saying hi, introducing themselves of themselves, welcoming the newcomer to the meeting, really trying to make them feel as comfortable as possible. And that's all we can do. And I really I take a lot of pride in that with that Monday night meeting, we do a really, really nice job with that. And I maybe that's why we been get new

people in though. Again, if they would stick around, it'd be great. But we'll say we can't make them stick around so.

Matt

If you build that culture to I think of the people who are there, and it could be I mean, it feels sometimes like as an aside, it feels sometimes like it's pulling teeth to get people to share because it can be a quieter meeting. It's

Steve

Mm

Matt

more

Steve

hmm.

Matt

introverted. The people there.

Steve

Right.

Matt

So it could go the other way where I don't want to go to that meeting because everybody looks at their shoes, or if you get a couple of people who challenge themselves to try and be open with others, the others

will follow through. So if you're helping the new guy, you also might be helping that guy in the corner, regardless of how much sobriety has might be a little introverted or doesn't want to speak, doesn't want to reach out their hand because maybe they don't feel good about themselves or maybe they're shy and you influence that person to reach their hand out.

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

Now you've reached out at another level and you're helping somebody who already has sobriety. And part of helping the newcomer is sometimes you help the old timer to there's nothing that says you can't spread the message back to people who know all about this and improve their sobriety.

Steve

Yeah. Not only that. I mean, we all we both know from experience that some days we walk in the meetings not wanting to be there, feeling like shit. I feel like, what am I doing here tonight? I don't really. Don't want to be

Matt

And

Steve

here.

Matt

about 75%

Steve

And.

Matt

of the time for me.

Steve

Yeah. And. And then we walk out of there because of some newcomer showing up, right? And a newcomer. Sharon, We have a, you know, we have a fairly new woman in that group. And a few weeks ago she shared some stuff about her grandmother passing away. And it was one of the best year ever. I was just like to myself, thank you so much. It just it told me so much about this person that I didn't know before, you know? Um, and I just I walk out of those meetings, meetings feeling so good,

Matt

Yep.

Steve

you know? And again, it happens all the time. I always say it like there's lots of times I think a lot of us I get up on a monday night or a Friday night or whatever night might be, you know, those are my two really regular meetings and, you know, sometimes it was the same people mostly,

Matt

Oh,

Steve

and sometimes like, Oh, do I feel like going to this meeting? But I go, I mean, I always go and I always say I always feel better coming out of any meeting I go to, regardless of how I felt going in, I always feel better coming out and that even that includes the days where I would show up and there would be four people there and I'd be pissed off because there's only four people there.

but you know, something like we had 20, we had 20 Monday, including some fairly new people, a couple of people, you know, coming back, coming back.

Matt

I saw somebody who I'm friendly with that I would see at another meeting in Vernon. She lives generally in my neighborhood

Steve

okay,

Matt

and I even though she generally lives in my neighborhood, I don't ever see her. But she showed

Steve

yeah,

Matt

up and it was just nice to see her.

Steve

yeah, yeah. So

Matt

I'm like, You

Steve

it

Matt

live

Steve

just,

Matt

down the street and I never see you. That

Steve

it's

Matt

that's that's an indictment of me, of how

Steve

right.

Matt

I do not want to get off of this. The acreage that my property lives on,

Steve

Yeah. So

Matt

but like, things like that are great.

Steve

they really are. And actually that gives you an idea. You could look at that and say, You know something? I know this person lives close by. I never see them. Maybe I need to make a change right

Matt

Yeah,

Steve

again. It's one of those things. Maybe I need to make a change and. And get out and walk the dogs in my neighborhood more. Right? And so I'm out there. It's one of the things where I'm, you know, I have a dog and we walk and

Matt

I

Steve

my

Matt

have to

Steve

dog.

Matt

walk them in the opposite direction because I have my route and I'm comfortable with that route

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

and

Steve

yeah,

Matt

I need to go the other way

Steve

right.

Matt

and I don't ever want to do that.

Steve

No, I get it. I get it. But it's like everybody in my neighborhood knows my dog because she's she's off leash. And if we get close, like, she'll go over and say hi to everybody, you know, And it's like. So it's just a great way to get to know people and just be able to get familiar with them, and let people know that, hey, you know, we're out here, we live out here, we're part of the neighborhood. So, it's always fun to see people. I love seeing people that I know at

meetings. Like, you know, I don't there's not a lot of neighbors, but I have a neighbor right down the street. One of my. One of my good friends is in the rooms and just by happenstance. Right. We live on the same street. No, no other reason. And, um, and it's nice to know that, right, right down the street, there's so many if I ever needed to talk or walk, I could literally walk down the street and have this conversation with this person.

Matt

I reached out my hand to Timmy. You can find him. I think it's like episode 37, 37,

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

38. He

Steve

Uh

Matt

shared his story and he was less grumpy on that episode than he typically is. But he was classic Tim this

Steve

oh,

Matt

week where

Steve

man.

Matt

he was not in a good place very grumpy, not like funny, like I don't want to be. He's like

Steve

No.

Matt

my head splitting open and I made a point of going over and saying hi, like, What's going on? How are you feeling? And Dave went over and said, Why didn't you call me? You

Steve

Right.

Matt

pick up the damn phone and you call somebody.

Steve

I

Matt

And

Steve

said that, yeah,

Matt

I've had some tough times at work. I'm not picking up the damn phone. I

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

don't think of doing it, so I'm as guilty. But I made sure to go over there because I want him. Okay.

Steve

no, me too. I said to him, going out, I, you know, he's walking out the door and we were still talking, a bunch of us. And I said to him, You know, when you feel like shit, you can pick up the phone and call me.

Matt

Yep.

Steve

Yeah, and I get it. Like, we all do it. And he, you know, and I understand Timmy, Timmy was in his own soup. And, you know, it's hard. It's hard. And I think Timmy talks enough people during the day. He does on a regular basis. But when he gets really out of sorts, like he was, yeah, I think he just it's hard and it's hard for me to some of that worse stuff when I'm at my worst, I don't pick up

the phone. I need to sort of back off a little bit and then I'll pick up the phone and maybe call somebody.

Matt

I get into that place where I just want to retreat. So I

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

guess that's a bit of isolation. So

Steve

yeah,

Matt

part of spreading that message and part of helping the newcomer or helping somebody else is pick up the damn phone and call somebody and say, and I'm saying, this is somebody who's who's so guilty of doing the wrong thing. I always feel better when somebody has a problem and they call me Just

Steve

yeah.

Matt

the

Steve

Me too.

Matt

while you called me, you felt like you wanted to you wanted to share this with me.

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

Why me?

Steve

No,

Matt

So I

Steve

I

Matt

always

Steve

get

Matt

feel

Steve

it.

Matt

good there.

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

I will tell you, I always feel good when people email the show matter Sober Friends podcast or I get in. I am at Sober Friends Pod on Instagram. I try and respond to everybody just because I feel good. Somebody's sharing. Either I liked what you said or I'm having this problem or I was having this problem six months ago. I can't believe I'm still sober. This is how things are great and it doesn't matter who

you are. I have seen people who are struggling and people who are telling me these stories. I'm like, Wow, your life is is pretty incredible, the things that you've accomplished. I feel a little jealous of the things that you're doing in life, and it's great to hear. So we'd like to hear from you. Tell us your story about how you help the newcomer or what is it about when you were new that you remembered where somebody came over and made you feel better because they knew you were new?

Or do you had a story where somebody was a prick? I can certainly remember those stories. They happen to me. And if you like the show, I would love for you to go over to Apple five Star review, Tell everybody how great this show is so we can help the next person. Steve, thanks for being here.

Steve

Hey, Matt. Thanks for having me.

Matt

All right. We will see everybody next week by everybody.

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