There's lots of other things that can impact alcoholism, recovery, the continuation of drinking, and it could be because of other mental illnesses. Steve I consider alcoholism to be a mental illness in and of itself, but it seems like luggage that other things come along. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD. One of the least surprising diagnosis is I ever have because I've always suspected I had it. I just finally had the balls to ask my doctor, I want to be
tested. This tested, maybe this testing took about 3 minutes to get done. He asked a couple of questions and he's like, Yeah, you have it. And it allows me to understand a lot of things about me. And I think things like ADHD impact alcoholism. What are your thoughts.
I don't think there's any question that, And. many alcoholics go hand in hand with other mental illnesses. Right. And whether it's some type of bipolar ADHD, schizophrenia, which happens a lot after a lot of drug use and a lot of alcohol use, those type of things, I think go hand in hand. Depression, right. Which is some of the bipolar stuff, not always, but just depression itself. I know lots of guys in the you know, in the in the program who
who suffer from depression. you know, I've never felt like I was any of that. Maybe a little ADHD. I certainly have that. Look, there's a squirrel problem, I get sidetracked very easily. Very easily. So I don't think there's any question I have a touch of it. it may be more than just touch. I've never been tested, but some of it wouldn't be surprising to me either if I found out that I had it.
Just talking to my buddy Jill Teets of Sober Powered. And she's like, I'm starting to feel dry with coming up with episode topics. And I asked her, I go, You know, I'm dealing with ADHD. Have you thought of doing that? And she goes, Yes, I did it in episode 145 on March 31st. And
I'm like, okay, thank you. I listened to that episode and clearly I didn't remember, but she talked about it and she talks about that there is a strong link between struggling with ADHD and developing a problem with alcohol because just like anxiety, trauma or depression, alcohol can be used as a self-medication. Yeah. I will tell you this I struggle. I realize why there are some meetings I don't go to, and sometimes I made the excuse that it was because it was too
late. There are some situations I just can't sit still for an hour and a half or an hour, and I'm realizing that's an ADHD thing. I get bored, I get restless and I'm fidgeting all over the place and I just can't focus.
That's why I think, like I said, I don't think I've really, you know, I'm not sure I've been totally diagnosed or could be because I don't I don't feel like I do that kind of stuff. And I used to I used to get very anxious and stuff. What I will say is that when I got sober, I was able to work on that much more patient with that, right? So I can go to, uh, say a bad meeting where it's just. Just a shit show. And usually, again, this is doesn't work working all the time.
I'm I like if I went out to like, I told you when I was aggravated, I'm not, you know, I'm hot. I probably have a hard time tonight, but most nights I could probably sit through it and sort of go not. like, Yeah, it's just is the way it's happening. but I do understand that I had that for a long time. I had that where I had no patience. Right? And I was thinking about this man and I don't know if it's, it's the same thing, but I've never had patience. And that might be part
of the ADHD, right? Is my goal is my goal has always been, you know, I know one of the symptoms is not getting tests done. My goal has been to get them done, get them out of the way no matter how shitty the job is. Right? So, you know, and I started thinking back and how that impacted my drinking. And I drank the same way. I was impatient with getting a buzz, so I was always in a hurry to get my buzz. So I would always over, you know, as we say, we overshoot the mark, right? And Mm I hmm.
would overshoot the mark. So I mean, lots of those same problems. And I think those problems are just you know, for a lot of us, they're just part of the deal. They're part of the package. You know?
I've had anxiety. I thought I had depression, but I realized the the driving thing for me is anxiety, depression Mm hmm. is when I feel the hangover from that. And so I can go really up and get worked up. I also have I think the compulsion thing comes with it, because with ADHD, here's something else that I can do. I can get really focused on one thing Right. and you can come and talk
to me and I can't hear you. I could turn around to look at you, but I am so focused I can't turn off in my head my thoughts about the task that I'm doing Mm. and I can't hear you. And you might say something to me and I'm not going to hear you. And I won't remember it because I cannot shut down that I'm thinking about this task to the point where I can be in a world and I can lose all, all time. And I'm really good at what was one or two things. When I'm doing some podcast editing, I
can get to that place. I've got this thing to do. I have a whole process where I create a transcript and then I will edit a lot of times with the words, and then I want to work with the WAV file. I want to sweeten up the sound, and until I'm done, it's almost to the point where I can't be bothered that Right. I am just I can't. Yeah. I'm in a bubble and you can't break it. Yeah. And that's disruptive because people want my attention or you want to be like a regular human being. You can't break
that bubble. And I just felt as though I was before I was inconsiderate. I Mm was hmm. really selfish that I couldn't turn that off or I just was stupid because I couldn't pick up stuff. And now
Yeah,
it's I just can't focus.
I get that. I really do. And and again, as we talk about this, I start looking at my own behaviors, and I do a lot of that same thing when I get involved with a task. I don't want to be broken away from it. Right. And, you know, my wife would come in to me a lot of time and say, Hey, can you help me with something? And a lot of times I'll say when I'm done here or whatever, you know, and I'm And. okay, but I almost never get up and help her right at that moment if I'm involved with
the task, you know. And so I you know, again, I struggle with some of that stuff, too. And I can be very focused, too. Like once I get my self on a project, you know, I started a little project. I had a problem with some electrical electrical connections or supply to my pool area. And I started addressing that today. And it's like, I'll be on that project until it's done, you know? I mean, and I will focus on that until I get it done and get it so that I'm happy with it. And I talk to my
wife about it. I'm like, here's here's where I think I need to do here. And as soon as I start digging a hole. And that's why I told like as soon as I start this project that I'm in this project, right, it's like, you know, I can't walk away from it. I can't say, Well, I'll go back to it and do it next week. you know, I struggle with some of that stuff too. I like, I don't like to be bothered. I like to
get my stuff done. And and on the same hand, like this, you know, you could walk out, you can walk outside of my yard right now and I've got two or three digging projects going on. Right, Right. So that might be one of the problems, right? Why not finish up one of the other ones before I start this one? You know?
It is so hard to finish a project because I get 90% of the way there.
Yeah.
But I'm thinking about that next thing Yeah, and it and it really bothers me. I think that drinking was part of this because it was something to do. When I get fixated on my phone, it's getting rid of the boredom. I always feel like I have to be stimulated and having that time drinking is something that I could do. And it was one of those things that I did while I was alone. One of the reasons I wasn't alone drinker, if I really think about it, is it broke up those periods of loneliness. yeah.
I didn't have anybody around. I was by myself. Drinking was an activity I could do where I felt okay. Otherwise I'd just be staring at the wall. I guess. Right.
Yeah. I mean, it was one of those things that, you know, it's and there's lots of things that I use my drinking to cover up, Right? And like I said, you know, it was always one thing that I could do by myself, you know, as George Girl, George Thorogood says always says, you know, I drink, drink by myself, you know, I mean, and that's what I always chose to do. And I don't know, it's a it's a struggle. I know we've talked about it. We've talked about your anxiety. We've talked about a lot of that
kind of stuff. And I have a brother who, you know, we talked about my brother who just passed. My brother had lots of these issues, right? My brother had lots of these mental health issues, including his drug addiction and his alcohol ism. So I'm very familiar with people and, you know, close people to me. And then, you know, people like you, other friends and other people in the program who who I talk to regularly and struggle with some of this type of stuff.
So this is one of those things that makes a fellowship really helpful, is if you're in a 12 step group and you're active in a 12 step group, there are going to be people you can lean on, you can call them, you can meet them before the meeting, you can meet them after the meeting. You can grab a ride with somebody on the way to the meeting and talk to them about the problems that you're having.
You don't necessarily have to have somebody in the program who has the same issue just somebody who's really good at just listening. Sometimes I just need somebody to listen to me that I'm dealing with this and I don't know what to do.
Yeah, absolutely. And we always talk about having whatever you want to call it, your pack, your tribe, your posse, whatever name you want to put on it. You do need your community, at least from my point of view, whatever that community might be, to help you get and stay sober, it's up to you if you drink the way I drink.
You know, Matt, one of the things I was thinking about is like, you know, now that you've know that you've been diagnosed and you think back at certain situations, you know, can you pinpoint things like, oh, that's where that kicked in or, you know, have you done any type that reflection?
Yes,
So, so what's an extension? Do you have an example at the top of your head? Would that might have kicked in and you thought, oh yeah, that was my ADHD back then, which you were unaware of.
in school. I Yeah. can go all the way back to first or second grade and think about me daydreaming in class and not paying attention hmm. because I couldn't focus. So my mind would go to other things. And that was consistent throughout. And I would lose train of thought if I had a new job, which was challenging. I had trouble sometimes really absorbing things because I couldn't focus All right. and it really made me feel like I'm stupid. I must Okay.
be stupid if I can't pick this other stuff up that other people can
Got it. Yeah,
and I could. I'm thinking of a couple of jobs that I failed at, and part of it was not only was the ADHD present, but because I was putting pressure on myself and it was hard to pick this stuff up, that extra pressure on me made it
even harder to concentrate. So if I'm if I'm living in fear and I'm not picking it up and I have all of that other stuff clouding out all the capacity, then it's going to be even harder to focus and you just put all this effort in and sometimes just reading people's lips to try and focus and it's really difficult.
yeah. I can see where if you if you struggle with that. So if you're out there and you're starting to identify with some of the things is talking about, I can absolutely understand that if you start to use alcohol as a way to cope with some of that. Right. Like you said, you just talked about it to cope with feeling like a failure to cope with feeling stupid, you know, cope with not being able to get stuff done, you know, and just feeling all
those bad feelings. So if you're out there, you're listening to this and you start to identify with it, realize that this may be an issue. All right? And just because it is an issue doesn't mean you can't get sober, right? We you know, we can still get sober. But it it is one of those things that when we start to do this work and we start to do an inventory, certainly the way we do it, we start to understand
ourself better. And I think I think the big takeaway is that now that you understand you have this problem, that you have this other diagnosis, you'll be less likely to have a problem and use alcohol to cover that up like you'll be able to separate it and go, Oh yeah, this is my ADHD, this is what I'm struggling with and I don't need alcohol to make help me deal with that. You know?
the way to treat this is also really difficult. So I'm on Venlafaxine 225 milligrams. So the pill that I have is about the size of a skirt and the doctor wanted to up my medication and take part of it in the morning. Part of it at night. And because I already have a full amount of pills, the insurance company hasn't been filling my prescription. They haven't been allowing the pharmacy to fill the prescription. So I don't feel like I'm getting any better from
medication. But the amount he wants is like a little bit more than what I'm taking. Mm. So I guess I would have to try and take this like, semi horse pill and use a pill cutter, which I already have, which I'm afraid is not going to work because again, it's like cutting a cert in half. Right, But I and he said that's the type of medication that can help. The other medications he said they have are troublesome Adderall, right.
Right.
Ritalin,
Big time.
things
Yeah.
like that. He goes that are highly addictive. And I told them, I cannot have highly addictive
No.
medicines.
And that, that brings us to a great point because I, you know, when we started talking about this, it didn't even hit me. I know those are two treatments, right? Adderall and Ritalin are they are two of the big drugs that they use to treat that. And I also know lots of not lots of people that I know, some people who have had problems with that. I know some people who are so, hooked on that that they started forging prescriptions. Right. I mean, so
it becomes a huge problem. So, again, if you're if you if you have a problem with addictive behavior, be it alcohol, be it other substances, then I do think it's very, very important that if you go to talk to your doctor about this, that you let him know that you have these problems because like Matt just said, it would be the same thing, like I would not want to take I'm very I'm Does anyone very have. pro taking care of them.
I mean, taking medicine. If I need to take it, even opioids or any pain medication, stuff like that, like I'm I'll take that kind of stuff. I've never but I'd be very, very nervous about taking something like an Adderall or a Ritalin. I really would. It's, you know, Adderall speed is what it is, right? I mean,
Now, I didn't know that that's what it was.
I mean, it is. Yeah. I mean, that's what they use. Yeah. And it's like and I don't know how it works, but apparently it does. And that's something that I did when I was younger. Right. And I liked it. It was one of the things that I liked. So, I would never Yeah, I would, I would struggle and I would have to be looking for some other from other therapeutic stuff myself, too.
made a recent guest on Tim Westbrook, who is the CEO of CamelBak Recovery. And I'm thinking of something that he said that he had health problems, but he wasn't getting enough sleep. He was on a thyroid medication
Mm.
and he added an hour or two of sleep and the thyroid problems went away. One of the things that I get concerned about is I'm not getting enough sleep. I know I'm not getting enough sleep. It is difficult for me to go to bed and wind down when I try and whine. When I try and go to bed, it almost feels like defeat. I am not ready to let go and surrender the day until I'm super, super, super tired and I can't fight
anymore. Sometimes that's 1030, sometimes that's 1230 and I got to start work at 7 a.m.. I Yeah, probably should be up about 6 a.m.. Granted, my commute is five steps, yeah. but Right, I should be up earlier. I perform better when I've had some time to work into the day than just wake up, turn on the
computer and get at it. It doesn't work for me, right, but I just really struggle with getting to sleep just even when I'm tired because it just feels like there's more day to be had and I'm giving that up. And if I were actually to get the proper amount of rest, would this go away? Would this be better? Because I know those days when I'm super tired, there's nothing I can do, right. nothing I can do to focus. It is it is super hard.
Well, not to go down that rabbit hole, but, I'm not sure. I'm sure I mentioned it here cause I, I talk about a lot of things in my life, but one of the things I struggled with when I first got sober, not even that I struggled with it throughout my whole life, is that I didn't get enough sleep either. And I would wake up. And I used to say with some sort of pride and I mean that that I didn't set an alarm clock for probably close to 30 years. Like I would wake
up in plenty of time. Like people say, Oh, I need to be up at my wife with something. I need to be up at seven. Can you set an alarm? And I'm like, I don't need alarm. I'll be up long before seven, and some days I be up at four, 430, certainly by 5:00 I'd be up every day. And because of some of the things you've just talked about, like I started to realize, like there
are health benefits. I did some work, you know, reading on that and, and I, I worked on my getting my sleep and I typically don't roll out of bed now until
00 every day and many days very close to 7:00 in the morning. And that's on now just two years ago. That would be unheard of for me, unheard of for me. And it took a lot of work for me to do that. It took a lot of work. and you're right. I mean, I have to be if I'm if I need to be up I need to be up an hour before I do any tasks I do. I need to be up an hour before I do any test so that my brain
warms up. I'm a caffeine guy, not a big caffeine guy, but I like my two cups of coffee in the morning and I need to have that time to relax and enjoy those cups of coffee. Read something, you know, scroll on my phone a little bit, depending on what I what I feel like doing that morning, before I can get moving. And so sleep is a huge part of it. And I'm sure that people with ADHD, you know, have a lot of trouble, especially when you start taking some of the meds that are required to fix it.
I don't have much to tell my doctor because he wants to follow up with me, which means I've got a good doctor. Other than taking the medication at different points and breaking it up. right. And I'm not really sure that that medicine is going to do much because it's a little bit more than what I'm taking, but and not of the belief that maybe I'm shooting it down before I should, but I'm not of the belief. That's the thing
that's going to help me. But I will tell you, it's now that I know that it's an issue, I just want relief. When I was out of bars, I would drink a lot more because I thought I had hearing issues and I even got my ears tested. And one thing I noticed is it's so strange that I struggled to hear when there's loud stuff going on, but I can hear a pin drop in the other room when it's quiet. hmm. And I'm realizing now the issue is in a bar or I can't
hear while I hear it. But the best way to describe this is if we're in a loud bar. I can hear you at the same level that the guy slurping next to you is versus the conversation over on the side and then the band. I hear all of those things all at once, all at the same level, and I can't tune it out. Yeah. And it's and so if I'm at a bar, I might as well get good and drunk because I really can't interact with Yeah, anybody where I have to scream or I have to say what,
what, what. It's just an unfun experience for me. So the only thing to make it worthwhile as otherwise I'll just be standing in a cacophony and I don't know how to describe it any more than that. I don't understand how people can have conversations at a bar because I hear every noise at the same level all at the same time. And the only thing I can think of doing is learning how to is reading lips. I'll read lips in a noisy environment because that's the only way that gets me to focus. yeah.
It's horrible.
It's got to be horrible. It's got to be horrible because, you know, there's a lot of socialization that goes on. And even in parties, even, you know, never mind even baths, but even even any decent sized house party with a lot of, you know, with a lot of different people talking and all that kind of stuff can be difficult. And I struggle with that a little bit. You know, I've always struggled with if I'm doing a new task. I can remember years ago I was up fishing with some guys and we
had a boat. We rented a boat and small boat with four of us, and we went out in it and I was never book, I never drove a boat. But just one day it's like, Hey, it's my turn to drive. And I remember they had the freaking music blaring and it was like I couldn't have the music blaring while I was doing this new task of, you know, piloting this boat and all the other guys were fine with it and again, maybe have something to do that like there's just too much noise in
my head, right? Even for that to try to figure out what the, you know, what I'm supposed to do next. And I couldn't I couldn't filter it out. And I, I do too. I mean, I have some hearing problems, but I have a hard time concentrating. Right. And just like you said, I hear those same things still. So I could be talking to somebody and then all of a sudden I hear another conversation and I start paying attention to that other
conversation. Right? And then all of sudden, just like I said, you're drifting off from whoever you're talking to.
If you've got ideas, please let me know on Instagram at Sober Friends Pod, or you can email me at Matt at Sober Friends Pod. I'm throwing this out there not because I have all the answers, but because I have like no answers right now. I know that I have this problem and now I see it acutely. I'll tell you what really has helped with this is if you follow Yashar Ali So, Yashar Ali's on Threads, he's on Twitter, he's a
little bit of everywhere. And if you don't follow Yashar Ali, you should, because whatever he posts is really, really good. But he has ADHD and he posts about it often and he posts about a lot of the struggles and how, you know, I'm not a sociopath. You know, I don't want to not see you. I don't want to put off tasks. I don't want to forget to show up somewhere. I have this problem and it makes it really, really difficult and it's frustrating.
Yeah, And I can really identify with the things he's putting out there. And I look at him as somebody as a journalist. He's he's very successful on his own. He's pretty much on his own getting paid as a substack, doing some pretty incredible investigative journalism and a lot of reporting from Iran. And he has this. And every time he posts something about ADHD, I can totally identify yeah.
And that's the whole point. But this, again, just to circle back on this whole conversation is that this stuff can't be managed, right? It's ADHD. If you look up, you know, the the symptoms and all that kind of stuff, it can't be cured, but it can be managed. And and what that means is that and I again, I think that goes back to it's probably what a lot of people with ADHD tried to do with alcohol and drugs
him.
is try to manage it. Right. So again, people may be listening, Oh, like what the hell does this have to do with drinking? And I think it's exactly what that
Everything.
that is right. Is that if you if you do have ADHD and you do have addictive behavior behaviors, you may be trying to, you know, to deal with that with the with the alcohol. So it does tie in. And I and I think like, you know, I think it's really, really important to understand that if you're if you're struggling and you're out there and you think this might be a problem, that you go get specific help you might need.
Like Matt said, I think it's probably an easy diagnosis for a lot of people and then you can start to treat it and and again. And it means that you don't have to try to self-medicate in order to deal with all the problems and all the feelings you might have, you know, do do it.
It's really important in addiction once you get into recovery to have a good health plan for both physical,
Mm.
mental and spirituality, Yeah. you need to go and get it. You need to go and get your physicals and your blood tests and stuff. I will tell you, I did my blood tests late for my physical, so they just sent me a letter, The blood test results that I have, I was shocked by. They're the healthiest I have ever seen them. So I'm on a very heavy dose of Crestor to get my cholesterol down. Like without it, my cholesterol is now up to
like 280. My Mm. HDL is in the thirties, sometimes in the low thirties. Like bad numbers. Right. Taking the medication I'm exercising, I'm eating better. My cholesterol is about 160. Wow. My HDL is at 44 Right, now 44 could be a little bit higher, but for me, 44 is a record. right. I have never been at 44 and every other number there is great no risk of diabetes. None of the cancer markers are not there. Like everything there is.
Like I am a normal, average and healthy person and it's shocking to me now if I continue to drink for the last ten years, Yeah. it probably wouldn't be the case and I'm sure I would have progressed further. But these are the things you have to talk to your doctor and be honest and say, I'm in recovery. I used to drink, I don't drink anymore and you have to keep this into consideration and you
have to be open. I am struggling right now with being pigheaded, that I probably will have to go back to therapy and I really don't want to go back to therapy for this. I don't want to give up the time commitment. I don't want to have to find a new therapist because I don't have one right now and then look into my insurance and whether they're going to cover it or not. I don't want to deal with the hassle.
Yeah. But we have to, you know it's, it's interesting that we came up with this whole therapy question because it's something that my wife and I just talked about. My wife's been doing it. I've done therapy before. I haven't done it in a while. And I just told my wife, I'm like, you know, I've been thinking. And just like you said, I've been thinking about going back for, you know, do some therapy. And we talked about it
a little bit. And and it's even harder for us because, you know, we're both I'm over 65, so I'm on Medicare right now and it's hard to find a therapist who's going to take that. And matter of fact, they don't take that. And you don't have to pay a lot out of pocket, which is what my wife does. And we talked about that, too. So, yeah, but, you know, if I feel like I need to do that, I will do that, right? I will make time and I will find
the money in order to do it. I don't think there's a lot of stuff I have to do, but there's some things that I like to work on that I could probably do something in a six month period that might be very helpful to me. Right. And and I can figure out how to, you know, come up with the money I would need to come up with to do that. And because just like you said, it's really, really important to me that I don't let things fester, you
know? And, you know, one, before we before we came on just the same thing, like before we came out today, I said I was hot and I was aggravated. Yeah, And I talked to my wife about and I talked to my wife about why I was aggravated today. And that's one of the things I that's one of the things I've learned in this program and what the since I got sober is that, you know, I've been aggravated for a couple of days since the
conversation that we had. And I realized that I need to I need to say something I can't keep silent about it. It's not going to fix anything. Right. I don't it's not going to fix anything. But I need to tell her. So literally, like, you know, we have a pull up back and it's been really hot up here and we haven't used to pull much in the summer, but the last few, you know, last few days I've been in it and she joined me in it today. And we're just floating around
the pool. And I finally said, Look, I need to say something. And I just told her, like, let's find it. You know, I'm aggravated. And I went through why I'm aggravated. And she heard me and she acknowledged it. And, you know, it's not going to change anything. But I'm able to make that statement today and I never could before. And those are the type of things and I realized, like, maybe I need a little bit of therapy, right. Because Yeah.
I'm I'm always worried. I always talk about it like my behavior goes way bad before I even think about picking up a drink. Right. And that's what you know, we talk about a lot of stuff on here and people may wonder what we're talking about. But all I'm telling you is that before I'll ever think about picking up a drink, I will be acting like an asshole for a long period of time, and then the drink will come much after that. So I'm always on guard for
that. I'm on guard for not let me go down some type of strange rabbit hole, if you will, of bad behavior. And because I know at the end it's not going to be healthy for me.
I was on recovered recently and one of the co-hosts said, Boy, this is a tough topic. And we were talking about grief and I disagreed on like the only good topics on a podcast about alcoholism recovery are ones about pain. And the more pain that I'm in that I can express, the more you are going to get out of this. So my pain is your game. I come in here as an open book and I'm going to tell you when things suck or when I'm in pain or what I've done about it, because this is not going to
work as a podcast. So we talk about, Hey, here's what's been great. Yeah, It's all right chipper. It's kind of no, it's like, here is the pain and here's how I got over it. It's not a comedy podcast. It's now, it's a it's about empathizing with somebody else's pain so that you can help
somebody else get past it. So and I think about this situation where I don't have the cost issue with if I went back to therapy because my my company covers it, I think it's because they caused us so much stress and heartache Yeah, and they just work the shit out of us that they got to make the therapy affordable. So there's no cost to it. It's included. But it's just for me, it feels like a pain in the ass to go do it again. it is.
It is. But you know something, Matt, And you said it perfectly. We this is not a comedy. I listen to some podcasts that are much more lighthearted and stuff like that, and some of them are okay. And then sometimes I listen to them and I think just that there's just too much fun going on here because the real issue with people who want to listen to this stuff is how do you get through this tough shit? Like Yeah. how do you get through it without drinking? All right, without drinking. So we always
talk about it. We're here for the, you know, the sober, curious people, the new people, the old timers, whatever. But we want to bring our experience and what's happening in our lives and put it out there so that people understand that we can go through all this stuff and we don't have to drink.
No,
That's the key. I mean, I know that, you know, you're going to do everything you need to do in order to stay sober. And if that is, go get some therapy or change medicine, you're going to do whatever you need to do, because that's what we do. And and that's why we show up and do this podcast every week.
I have an appointment for a consultation with a sleep study. Doctor. I've gone for a sleep study before and they found they didn't have any issues with it. But when I fall asleep on my back, I always wake up like this every time. Every time I fall asleep, I wake up like. Like I'm a horse that's neighing Right. and that feels like a problem. So I force. I feel like I have to sleep on my side. I have a sleep monitor on my phone that I have next to my my next
to my bed. And it will record all of the snoring and stuff. And I can go back and listen to all the noises I'm making Mm. and they're not the best noises. So maybe that's one of the reasons I'm struggling with sleep or Yep. maybe not, and I can have that ruled out. But it feels like the rest thing is the thing that is the problem and the reason that we're talking about this is giving you the story here. I hope it's not a downer. Things aren't always going to be
great in recovery. It's not going to be every day is not going to be sunshine. You're going to have a lot of rainy days just like you would normally in life. The difference is when you find recovery, you have the tools to get through the bad shit so Mm. you don't have to drink. And that was inconceivable back in the day.
And just so you know, you know that, you know, we always talk we do talk about good stuff on here and yesterday we're taping this a day later because I had an opportunity yesterday to go down and spend, you know, about 5 hours watching my grandson and,
Yeah.
and it is it's like one of the best things that I could do. And I you know, something came up late for my daughter in law. My son like, hey, can you come down and watch Jeffrey on And Wednesday? And I'm like, Sure, sure. Absolutely. And it was just so good. And matter of fact, I had put him down for his nap and then his mom came home and then I left to come back home to. I matter of fact, I had a speaking engagement last night he woke up wondering where I was and asking me. I mean, that's,
you know, my daughter, right? My daughter in law sent me that. And it's like, that's what I get out of sobriety. Like, that is the good part of sobriety. So it's hard work. It's not always going to be that. It's going to be sucky days. Today, yesterday, as good as yesterday was, I'm just as aggravated about today, like I said. So it's not every day is a great day, but I'm not going to drink today.
Yeah. Chip was at that meeting. He told me that this is how it went.
Yeah.
He was really interested Okay. in your
But
You're open talk.
but I will just to just to touch base on that. I took that speaking commitment and went to it. And again, it does not matter to me. I go to do these things and I got there and there are three people at this meeting. So with, with me there were four people, but I talked and I gave it and I did our meeting. I'm like, Hey, we're going to be here. We had a date. So I was able to have personal conversations with everybody in the room and said, We'll have
this meeting. And if anybody needs a meeting and they walk in, God bless them. All right, well, we'll be here. So
You just need
just.
two people in a coffee pot.
That's it, man. I showed up. I did my thing. I kept my commitment. That's how I stay sober. That's how I'm going to get up tomorrow. And I'll do my meeting tomorrow and we'll do it again.
We got a review on Apple Podcasts. It's been a while, so I'm going to share this one integral interest. Let's try this again. Enter into gulp. My God. My God. I can't speak integral to my recovery, and that is my last pass on that one. It it gave five stars from GSK io9 for Thank you GSK canine for they said I rarely leave reviews, but the overall rating of this pod being in the low fours is honestly bewildering to me. Me too. There's like there's nothing to dislike about these
guys. Yes, their program of choice is AA, but they're open enough to realize there are many paths to sobriety. I look forward to each episode. Well, that is an awesome review and that's the vibe we're trying to do. We're specifically trying to be open to everybody who wants recovery. And just because we're going to talk a lot of AA because it's what we know best, hmm. but we want to know whatever the way is to get sober because in the end, being sober, happy and free is what the goal
is. Whatever gets you there and you're doing it and you're feeling good and you have the resources to solve your problems, this is a good. Absolutely. So if you want to leave us a review, go to Apple and give us a five star review and leave. Leave the review in there, not just the rating, because we like to know what you like, what you think we could do differently. That feedback is really important and helps guide the show. Steve, thanks for doing the show tonight
Hey, Matt. Thanks for having me and look forward to doing it again next week.
and
Have a great.
I think I'll do my best to pull myself together and focus until next week by everybody.