E142: Unmasking Happiness: Navigating Self-Doubt, Sobriety, and the Journey Within - podcast episode cover

E142: Unmasking Happiness: Navigating Self-Doubt, Sobriety, and the Journey Within

Aug 29, 202338 minEp. 142
--:--
--:--
Download Metacast podcast app
Listen to this episode in Metacast mobile app
Don't just listen to podcasts. Learn from them with transcripts, summaries, and chapters for every episode. Skim, search, and bookmark insights. Learn more

Episode description

Send us a text

🎙️ Get ready for an emotionally charged episode that explores the depths of self-doubt, comparison, and the pursuit of happiness.  In this episode, Matt and Steve share their personal struggles with sobriety, self-image, and the relentless quest for perfection.

In this candid conversation, Matt and Steve reflect on those moments when they felt like an outsider looking in, questioning why others seem to have it all together while they grapples with their own insecurities. It's a narrative that echoes in the hearts of many, reminding us that we're not alone in our inner battles.

Discover the power of self-awareness as Matt and Steve navigate through the maze of self-doubt, ultimately arriving at a place of self-compassion. They delve into the complexities of self-acceptance, where happiness isn't defined by external factors but becomes an inside job.

Steve talks his journey takes us from the gym to the hiking trail, revealing the profound impact of physical health on mental well-being. It's a reminder to prioritize not just our appearance but our interior health, fostering a sense of vitality and strength.

But the twists don't stop there. Tune in as they recount a harrowing moment when a valuable possession almost slipped away, unraveling the threads of panic and self-blame. The story serves as a poignant reminder that sometimes, it's not about what we lose but how we learn from it.

In a heartwarming twist, Steve and Matt share valuable insights on what they would do if they encountered a person sharing too long in a meeting. Their wisdom and compassion shine through, demonstrating the power of community and support in times of vulnerability.

Join us on this rollercoaster of emotions and self-discovery, where the pursuit of happiness takes center stage. It's an episode that reminds us that our journey is uniquely our own, and through the storms of self-doubt, we can emerge stronger, more resilient, and ready to embrace the imperfect beauty of life. 🌟💪🏞️

Support the show

📫 Get more honest conversations about sobriety delivered to your inbox! Subscribe to The Sober Friends Dispatch, our weekly newsletter where we go beyond the podcast to share real strategies for alcohol-free living. Join our community by clicking here.

Transcript

Matt

The emphasis on the old timer. Speaking of that, Steve, how are you doing?

Steve

Hey, I' good. Mac just got off, had a great day today. Took when you and I went out for a mid-week hike down at a place in East Hampton, Connecticut, here in the East Coast. And it was a beautiful day that forecasters was saying that today might be one of the top ten days the year we get out there. And this is a place I've never been. And it was absolutely just just knocked my socks off. It was just so nice, about seven miles. So really,

really nice. And then we went to Harry's for a burger and some French fries and a vanilla milkshake. And my end. Lif is good.

Matt

My father I took my father in law there to Harry's in

Steve

Uh

Matt

Colchester.

Steve

huh.

Matt

So if you don't live in Connecticut, there are these little roadside places that are legendary within Connecticut. Harry's is

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

one of those places. I like Harry's, and I'm the only one in the family who likes it. We took my father in law there one time and he said, I find that the oil a day, if it's in. A. Town on the shore, it's much cleaner. I have clean. Oh, he would

Steve

you

Matt

know. My father I took my father in law there to Harry's in Colchester. So if you don't live in Connecticut, there are these little roadside places that are legendary within Connecticut. Harry's is one of those places. I like Harry's, and I'm the only one in the family who likes it. We took my father in law there one time and he said, I find that the oil a day, if it's in. A. Town on the shore, it's much cleaner. I have clean. Oh, he would know. My father I took my father in law there to

Harry's in Colchester. So if you don't live in Connecticut, there are these little roadside places that are legendary within Connecticut. Harry's is one of those places. I like Harry's, and I'm the only one in the family who likes it. We took my father in law there one time and he said, I find that the oil a day, if it's in. A. Town on the shore, it's much cleaner. I have clean. Oh, he would know.

Steve

would. You would know. Anyway, so it was a great day. I had a great day today. And,

Matt

you were able to be present?

Steve

I was. I was just. It was just beautiful day. Like, I don't do a lot of hiking on my own if I'm hiking with the other guys and I just decided, like, I'm going to go out. I actually decided a few days ago that I was gonna go out and find something to do on my own, and I want to start hiking more. And I've always used the excuse map. So I hike with John and David, a couple of guys that you know, and I always use. The excuse is when they can't hike because of

various reasons. Well, I can't hike either because I'm fairly new to hiking and I don't trust myself out there, you know? and I just decided that I can't have that excuse anymore. I want to do more of it. Yup. And today and today was the first step. And it wasn't a hard thing to do. It was an easy trail to follow. But it was the first step of me going out to somewhere where I've never been. And. And it just was. It was a beautiful day. I just I can't

tell you. I just gave it a thumbs up review, five star review on all trails and just a really, really nice day.

Matt

This is something you should consider if you're new in your if you're in recovery and all the things you may have said to yourself, which led you down a path to drink, do those things that might make you a little bit uncomfortable.

Steve

hmm.

Matt

I disagree with you that you're a new hiker. The amount of hiking you've done and you've been doing this for a couple

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

of years now, and it's and it's some pretty hard hikes and making that while I can't go for a hike if if my boys

Steve

Yeah. It's

Matt

aren't

Steve

not.

Matt

with me. Of course you

Steve

It's

Matt

can

Steve

not

Matt

go.

Steve

that. It's just that the happened to the other people there. John. John's been a hiker. His whole year, so I don't need to think. I really do. I tell people this all the time when I go out hiking with those guys. And David to David's a very experienced hiker. All I have to do is hike and I have to think I have to make decisions. That's the Hmm. that's the whole thing. Right. And and not that I'm capable of making those decisions. It's just I don't have to. So I've never take the

it's like it's like driving. I like being in the passenger's seat when somebody is driving to a place like you sort of know how to get there, but you don't really pay attention because you're not driving the streets. You know? But anyway, Mm hmm. yeah, I want to change that because John's knee is acting up. We were supposed to do another stint. Yeah, we're

Matt

Again?

Steve

supposed to do another stint on the 80. And you know, he's got some things going on at home too. And he just decided he, like he, he more said, I can hike, but I got to be I'll get home by three and walk. So we won't we won't be able to do that and I just feel like I need more hiking than I can get if I have to wait for those guys and it's nothing. Mm hmm. So we all have these things that get in the way. So

anyway, beautiful day off. Off topic here, but one of the one of the one of the beautiful things about sobriety and being old when I don't have to be in a job is to be able to say, hey, I'm going to go out and hike in and be gone for four or 5 hours and be able to hike, you know, beautiful. Mm hmm.

Matt

I look at this the way I look at the gym with people as well. That you might think, Well, why am I going to go to the gym if I can't put 45 minutes on the treadmill? You can go for 15 minutes if that's all you have, because 15 minutes is better than zero. If you want to go somewhere where it's a moderate hike, but you just feel like you

Steve

yeah.

Matt

have to

Steve

And

Matt

get

Steve

I'll tell

Matt

out

Steve

you, that's a perfect

Matt

that's

Steve

thing. And

Matt

doing

Steve

again,

Matt

something

Steve

if you're not into hiking, this won't mean anything to you. But when we're hiking the Appalachian Trail, we call it the A.T..So if you hear me say the eight up here, anywhere we're doing the upper Massachusetts and the Appalachian Trail can be kind of difficult. But the hike, the hike we had planned out was, you know, sort of like 12 miles,

Matt

kind

Steve

almost

Matt

of.

Steve

2500 feet of elevation.

Matt

It's a lot difficult.

Steve

It's a real hike. It's a real day. Right. And you're really you're really working hard. And I

Matt

It's

Steve

was disappointed

Matt

a hike to get

Steve

like

Matt

to the

Steve

my

Matt

trail.

Steve

alcoholic self. I want to do that stuff. It's a hard hike and so and John was like, you know, more or less, I can't do that. I'm like, I was I was disappointed. So I'm

Matt

Right.

Steve

like, all right, I'm going to have to hike twice this week. I'll hike once in an hour, and then we'll probably do something local Saturday. it is it absolutely is For me. It's like

Matt

It's

Steve

and here's the last thing I'm going to

Matt

all

Steve

say about

Matt

or

Steve

this.

Matt

nothing thinking

Steve

It's it really is alcoholic behavior because we hiked a lot last

Matt

and.

Steve

year and we haven't hiked this much this year. I had a I had a stress fracture. My foot over the summer took care of that. And I just wasn't in the place to hike. And as soon as I got out there, it's like that first drink. As soon as I got out there and started hiking, I want more, I want more, I want more. And this is my whole point. Like, I don't want to you know, this was a nice almost seven miles, a thousand feet of elevation, really nice hike. Not too hard. Really nice. Nope. I

want 12 or 13 miles. I want 2500 feet. I want to be I want to wake up the next day knowing that I hiked. You know, that's my alcoholic tendencies, right? Come into play like. And and I get that. And that's the nice thing about hiking with other

Matt

Yeah,

Steve

guys is that sometimes other guys aren't into that. And they'll say, you know, I don't feel like doing that. And I've been that guy who's like, No, I'm not. I'm not up to that hike today. We got to do something different. So it's all good. It's a beautiful day here in Connecticut, you know, hike with the dog. And we just had a great time. We just had a great time. So what's going on with you?

Matt

I heard

Steve

Mm,

Matt

a podcast recently where the guest was talking about happiness and I can't remember the context of it, but what hit me was thinking about, I'll be happy when I have this. I'll be happy when I have

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

that. And that's real alcoholic thinking. And I suffer from this. I have been working very hard to get promoted. I'm a high achiever in my role, and I see people that I came up into leadership with who are a level or two or four ahead of me. And I think about what I will be happy when I reach that level. And it really hit me that that is lousy thinking. What is it about getting there that's going

to make me happier? I'm making I'm making a good living, doing what I'm doing, and I'm incredibly competent doing what I'm doing. That doesn't mean that I'm going to throw ambition on the trash bin. What it means is why can't I be happy with the role I have now? And if something better comes along, then that's great

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

too.

Steve

The old I'll

Matt

But

Steve

be

Matt

it's not

Steve

happy

Matt

as though

Steve

when problem, which

Matt

I'm

Steve

is really

Matt

a loser

Steve

the way I

Matt

until

Steve

look

Matt

I

Steve

at

Matt

get

Steve

this,

Matt

to

Steve

Right.

Matt

that level. This is something you should consider if you're new in your if you're in recovery and all the things you may have said to yourself, which led you down a path to drink, do those things that might make you a little bit uncomfortable. I disagree with you that you're a new hiker. The amount of hiking you've done and you've been doing this for a couple of years now, and it's and it's some pretty hard hikes and making that while I can't go for a hike

if if my boys aren't with me. Of course you can go. Hmm. Mm hmm. Again? Mm hmm. Mm I look at this the way I look at the gym with people as well. That you might think, Well, why am I going to go to the gym if I can't put 45 minutes on the treadmill? You can go for 15 minutes if that's all you have, because 15 minutes is better than zero. If you want to go somewhere where it's a moderate hike, but you just feel like you have to get out that's doing something kind of. It's a lot difficult.

It's a hike to get to the trail. Right. It's all or nothing thinking and. Yeah, I heard a podcast recently where the guest was talking about happiness and I can't remember the context of it, but what hit me was thinking about, I'll be happy when I have this. I'll be happy when I have that. And that's real alcoholic thinking. And I suffer from this. I have been working very hard to get

promoted. I'm a high achiever in my role, and I see people that I came up into leadership with who are a level or two or four ahead of me. And I think about what I will be happy when I reach that level. And it really hit me that that is lousy thinking. What is it about getting there that's going to make me happier? I'm making I'm making a good living, doing what I'm doing, and I'm incredibly competent doing what I'm doing. That doesn't mean that I'm going to throw ambition

on the trash bin. What it means is why can't I be happy with the role I have now? And if something better comes along, then that's great too. But it's not as though I'm a loser until I get to that level. kind of. It's a lot difficult. It's a hike to get to the trail. Right. It's all or nothing thinking Yeah, I heard a podcast recently where the guest was talking about happiness and I can't remember the context of it, but what hit me was thinking about, I'll be happy when I have this. I'll be

happy when I have that. And that's real alcoholic thinking. And I suffer from this. I have been working very hard to get promoted. I'm a high achiever in my role, and I see people that I came up into leadership with who are a level or two or four ahead of me. And I think about what I will be happy when I reach that level. And it really hit me that that is lousy thinking. What is it about getting there that's

going to make me happier? I'm making I'm making a good living, doing what I'm doing, and I'm incredibly competent doing what I'm doing. That doesn't mean that I'm going to throw ambition on the trash bin. What it means is why can't I be happy with the role I have now? And if something better comes along, then that's great too. But it's not as though I'm a loser until

I get to that level. Yeah, I heard a podcast recently where the guest was talking about happiness and I can't remember the context of it, but what hit me was thinking about, I'll be happy when I have this. I'll be happy when I have that. And that's real alcoholic thinking. And I suffer from this. I have been working very hard to get promoted. I'm a high achiever in my role, and I see people that I came up into leadership with who are a level or two or four ahead

of me. And I think about what I will be happy when I reach that level. And it really hit me that that is lousy thinking. What is it about getting there that's going to make me happier? I'm making I'm making a good living, doing what I'm doing, and I'm incredibly competent doing what I'm doing. That doesn't mean that I'm going to throw ambition on the trash bin. What it means is why can't I be happy with the role I have now? And if something better comes along,

then that's great too. But it's not as though I'm a loser until I get to that level. Yeah, I heard a podcast recently where the guest was talking about happiness and I can't remember the context of it, but what hit me was thinking about, I'll be happy when I have this. I'll be happy when I have that. And that's real alcoholic thinking. And I suffer from this. I have been working very hard to get

promoted. I'm a high achiever in my role, and I see people that I came up into leadership with who are a level or two or four ahead of me. And I think about what I will be happy when I reach that level. And it really hit me that that is lousy thinking. What is it about getting there that's going to make me happier? I'm making I'm making a good living, doing what I'm doing, and I'm incredibly competent doing what I'm doing. That doesn't mean that I'm going to throw ambition

on the trash bin. What it means is why can't I be happy with the role I have now? And if something better comes along, then that's great too. But it's not as though I'm a loser until I get to that level. I heard a podcast recently where the guest was talking about happiness and I can't remember the context of it, but what hit me was thinking about, I'll be happy when I have this. I'll be happy when I have that. And that's real alcoholic thinking. And I suffer from this.

I have been working very hard to get promoted. I'm a high achiever in my role, and I see people that I came up into leadership with who are a level or two or four ahead of me. And I think about what I will be happy when I reach that level. And it really hit me that that is lousy thinking. What is it about getting there that's going to make me happier? I'm making I'm making a good living, doing what I'm doing, and I'm incredibly competent doing what

I'm doing. That doesn't mean that I'm going to throw ambition on the trash bin. What it means is why can't I be happy with the role I have now? And if something better comes along, then that's great too. But it's not as though I'm a loser until I get to that level.

Steve

it's something that I struggled with my whole life and up to the point of when I came back into AA in 2010 and I was able to really do some solid work and try to figure out some of the. But that I'll be happy when I'll be happy when this changes. I be happy when that happens, I'll be happy. And if you think about all those, I'll be happy ones like you have somewhat control over, you know, how what kind of effort you put

in at work. Like you said, your high achiever, you're well looked at everybody likes you, whatever it is. But you only have a certain amount of that. Right. There's other people involved with that. And and what I look at that is I used to place my happiness in other people's hands, Right? I used to do

Matt

Oh,

Steve

that.

Matt

yeah?

Steve

And I'll tell a very quick story here is that I lost my first marriage because I was unhappy. There was nothing wrong with my first marriage. Right now, again, I won't go through the whole story, but I was suffering from a dry drunk, if you will. Okay, I don't like that. But that's what I was. I was a I was a non drinking alcoholic without a proper program. And I was not in a good place. I didn't know back then. I was like, oh, man, I'm in. I'm

five years sober. And my, you know, wh is it my life again? But that's why I used to say to myself, I'm not drinking anymore. Why is it my life getting better? And I settle down and this is this is crazy. You know, I've told my daughter and my son listening, Listen to this podcast at your own risk, because I'm very Yeah. honest about it. This is you know, I didn't have a lot of these conversations with them. And not that I'm afraid of.

They're 30 and 33 I was unhappy and I just started looking for happiness somewhere else instead of trying to figure out why I was unhappy. And I decided that the best thing for me to do would be to divorce my wife so that I could go out and find happiness elsewhere. It was, you know, and I say this and I've told and I told my current, I'm remarried. I've told my current wife this. It has nothing to do with her or anything like it was the most horrible, selfish decision I've ever made. Plus it

was just wrong. I mean, now today I see, like, what was I? And like, yeah, that happiness that I was chasing has nothing to do with other people today. I understand that. And I don't have to worry about that as much. We we all struggle with it some, but I don't worry about it as much

Matt

I think a lot about this in terms of a talk that I can compare myself to other people's sobriety. Why don't I have that sense of well-being that I might see somebody in the program who I admire? Why do they have X amount responses? I have none. Why are they talking about a higher power and having this immense connection? And I struggle with that. Why do they seem to have everything together? And yeah, I'm wringing my fingers about that. What am I doing wrong? And man, as I talk that through,

Steve

Right.

Matt

what a terrible way to say that of going to the negative of what am

Steve

You know

Matt

I doing

Steve

something? There's a lot

Matt

wrong

Steve

of tools out there that I don't

Matt

and

Steve

use,

Matt

going past

Steve

right?

Matt

all the things

Steve

I know

Matt

I'm doing

Steve

people who do use

Matt

well.

Steve

them. And one of the tools, if you're out there, if you're new to sobriety, even if you're not new to sobriety, if you're struggling with this, maybe you've heard this, maybe you haven't. But there's things to call. The gratitude list, right? Is to every day. If you're in this funk of being unhappy, wake up and start writing down everything that you're You're grateful for everything. Like, I'm grateful for my dog. I'm grateful that I that I have a job that allows me

to go out and hike. Today. I'm grateful as much as I struggle. You know, I talk about all time. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for, you know, my my wife, like all of the things that the grateful for the house I live in, all those things. Right. Whatever it might be, just list those things. And I think that if you do that, if you truly do that, That's. then you'll see that there's a lot of things to be happy and grateful about. Your life doesn't mean life's easy,

man, right? I mean, just like getting sober. It's not easy. It's not a picnic, right? It's not life's not easy life. Well, you know. You know, there's really no entitlements in life. There really aren't. I mean, there's

Matt

I struggle

Steve

no

Matt

with that. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I think a lot about this in terms of a talk that I can compare myself to other people's sobriety. Why don't I have that sense of well-being that I might see somebody in the program who I admire? Why do they have X amount responses? I have none. Why are they talking about a higher power and having this immense connection? And I struggle with that. Why do they seem to have everything together? And yeah, I'm wringing my fingers about that. What am I

doing wrong? And man, as I talk that through, what a terrible way to say that of going to the negative of what am I doing wrong and going past all the things I'm doing well. That's. I struggle with that. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I think a lot about this in terms of a talk that I can compare myself to other people's sobriety. Why don't I have that sense of well-being that I might see somebody in the program who I admire? Why do they have X amount responses? I have none.

Why are they talking about a higher power and having this immense connection? And I struggle with that. Why do they seem to have everything together? And yeah, I'm wringing my fingers about that. What am I doing wrong? And man, as I talk that through, what a terrible way to say that of going to the negative of what am I doing wrong and going past all the things I'm doing well. That's. I struggle with that. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I think a lot about this in terms of a talk that I can compare myself to other people's sobriety. Why don't I have that sense of well-being that I might see somebody in the program who I admire? Why do they have X amount responses? I have none. Why are they talking about a higher power and having this immense connection? And I struggle with that. Why do they seem to have everything together? And yeah, I'm wringing my fingers about that. What am I

doing wrong? And man, as I talk that through, what a terrible way to say that of going to the negative of what am I doing wrong and going past all the things I'm doing well. That's. I struggle with that. Yeah. I think a lot about this in terms of a talk that I can compare myself to other people's sobriety. Why don't I have that sense of well-being that I might see somebody in the program who I admire? Why do they have X amount responses? I have none.

Why are they talking about a higher power and having this immense connection? And I struggle with that. Why do they seem to have everything together? And yeah, I'm wringing my fingers about that. What am I doing wrong? And man, as I talk that through, what a terrible way to say that of going to the negative of what am I doing wrong and going past all the things I'm doing well. That's. I struggle with that. I think a lot about this in terms of a talk that I can compare myself to other people's

sobriety. Why don't I have that sense of well-being that I might see somebody in the program who I admire? Why do they have X amount responses? I have none. Why are they talking about a higher power and having this immense connection? And I struggle with that. Why do they seem to have everything together? And yeah, I'm wringing my fingers about that. What am I

doing wrong? And man, as I talk that through, what a terrible way to say that of going to the negative of what am I doing wrong and going past all the things I'm doing well. That's. I struggle with that. I think a lot about this in terms of a talk that I can compare myself to other people's sobriety. Why don't I have that sense of well-being that I might see somebody in the program who I admire? Why do they have X amount responses? I have none.

Why are they talking about a higher power and having this immense connection? And I struggle with that. Why do they seem to have everything together? And yeah, I'm wringing my fingers about that. What am I doing wrong? And man, as I talk that through, what a terrible way to say that of going to the negative of what am I doing wrong and going past all the things I'm doing well. That's. I struggle with that. That's. I struggle with that. That's. I struggle with that.

Steve

there's no reason why you shouldn't get fired over the next guy. Wh? N time there's a downsize, right? I mean, there's no reason why, you know, So somebody close to you shouldn't get sick. Like, I get that today. I've watched enough people in my life get sick and die and it's not. No, I don't know. I no longer say why. I'm going to tell you some. The first person I said why to was when my sister died at 45 of pancreatic cancer. I was pissed off and said, Why?

six months later I picked up a drink, you know, and it has nothing to do with her. But it was I was ready to, but it was a little bit of a push and I was pissed off and I was like, Why is my sister a 45 with two young children? You know, I have to, you know, have to die of this horrible disease. the youngest of the family. Everything, like everything was fucked. Everything was fucked up about it, right? and I asked why, and I don't need to ask that. Like, why not? Why not? It happens to

every family. It happens all over the place, you know? So I don't think I don't ask those whys anymore. I don't think that somehow I'm being persecuted. You know, I don't think people are out to get me right. That's the other thing you hear like, no, he's out to get Steve. Nobody's out to get Matt. to make my life harder. so, you know, it's a it, it's something I don't, you know, I don't I've learned after doing the steps and working with a sponsor and going to meetings and talking.

Yeah. One of the things we do, Matt, we sit in rooms with people who have a hell of a lot less than we have right?

Matt

Oh, yeah,

Steve

You and I, like. We both live fairly comfortable lives. We live in good communities. We have nice houses. You know, we drive decent cars, we have good kids, and we sit in meetings with people who don't have any of that. They have no support, they have no family, and they're happy and and I keep a lot out of those people. That's one of the things that I've learned is that I never discount who I might be able to learn something from. Like, Oh, there's nothing I can learn from that person.

Like, there's

Matt

that's

Steve

always something I could learn. Oh,

Matt

Dave.

Steve

yeah,

Matt

B is one of the people I think of when I think of that stuff, because he no longer is married. He lives by himself. He's retired. He probably has less money. He's always looking for a boarder there,

Steve

yeah.

Matt

and he always has it together. He walks into a meeting, he's smiling, he's laughing. I'm not saying Dave's life is perfect. I'm saying he seems content with what he has, the things that he has in life feel like they're

Steve

Dave,

Matt

enough.

Steve

you know,

Matt

And

Steve

Dave

Matt

that includes

Steve

is one

Matt

his

Steve

of those

Matt

level

Steve

guys

Matt

of sobriety.

Steve

and Dave doesn't have a perfect life and he's had some things, he's had some heartbreak, he's had some tough things happen in his life. And one of the things that Dave has talked about, you know, this too, is that Dave is probably thinking that he has to leave Connecticut because of the financial point. It's not a it's not a cheap place to live. It's expensive, especially if you if you are on

a very restrictive income. And I'm sure Dave doesn't want to leave Connecticut because he's been you know, he's been living here his whole life. This is where all his friends are. And I'm sure he knows that he can go somewhere else and and make a new friendship and community. But Mm he's hmm. not a young man. so I'm sure he doesn't want to. But Dave is willing to make that choice and make that change because he knows that it'll probably be easier from him, you know, and that he'll probably

have an easier time of it. So I know he was planning on doing it. I know he got delayed some, you know, part of me was happy it got delayed because I like Dave, Rig. Me too. I'm happy to have him around. I'm happy to see him at meetings. So I'm like, Good. You got delayed for a year. Good. I get to hang out with you for another

Matt

Oh,

Steve

year.

Matt

yeah. I'm happy that I'm around.

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

He he it's very easy to compare against somebody like him because when you see he is one of these people that if you see at a meeting,

Steve

right,

Matt

you know, this is going to be a good meeting, that he's going to bring good sobriety. And if he opens his mouth, there's probably nothing you're going to be able to top with what he says and you're going to learn something and he's going to put you at ease. There are people like that. So

Steve

Right,

Matt

there are times that I compare. And it's hard because I know some people who were sober when I got sober

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

and they

Steve

right.

Matt

didn't stay sober, and they have

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

been bouncing in and out, in and out, in and out.

Steve

No, there's plenty of people

Matt

I

Steve

out

Matt

saw

Steve

there who

Matt

one

Steve

came

Matt

of those people

Steve

in

Matt

the other day. He's wearing

Steve

around

Matt

shorts.

Steve

the

Matt

So

Steve

time

Matt

I say

Steve

I came

Matt

he

Steve

in.

Matt

had an ankle bracelet.

Steve

Well,

Matt

He had some

Steve

before

Matt

jewelry

Steve

the first

Matt

on.

Steve

time I came in in 95.

Matt

That's that's

Steve

But even

Matt

tough.

Steve

recent guys, Right. There's plenty of guys

Matt

That's

Steve

out there.

Matt

not

Steve

First

Matt

my situation.

Steve

of all, they're there. They don't have breasts, and so they are in prison or jail or they're no longer with us. So, yeah. So it's easy. You know, we have this for most of us. I won't, I won't say everybody, but many of us, and I include myself in that we have this Mm hmm.

Matt

that's Dave. B is one of the people I think of when I think of that stuff, because he no longer is married. He lives by himself. He's retired. He probably has less money. He's always looking for a boarder there, and he always has it together. He walks into a meeting, he's smiling, he's laughing. I'm not saying Dave's life is perfect. I'm saying he seems content with what he has, the things that he has in life feel like they're enough. And that includes his level of sobriety. Mm hmm.

Oh, yeah. I'm happy that I'm around. He he it's very easy to compare against somebody like him because when you see he is one of these people that if you see at a meeting, you know, this is going to be a good meeting, that he's going to bring good sobriety. And if he opens his mouth, there's probably nothing you're going to be able to top with what he says and you're going to learn something and he's going to put you at ease. There are people like that. So there are times that I compare.

And it's hard because I know some people who were sober when I got sober and they didn't stay sober, and they have been bouncing in and out, in and out, in and out. I saw one of those people the other day. He's wearing shorts. So I say he had an ankle bracelet. He had some jewelry on. That's that's tough. That's not my situation. Mm hmm. that's Dave. B is one of the people I think of when I think of that stuff, because he no longer is married. He lives by himself. He's retired. He probably has

less money. He's always looking for a boarder there, and he always has it together. He walks into a meeting, he's smiling, he's laughing. I'm not saying Dave's life is perfect. I'm saying he seems content with what he has, the things that he has in life feel like they're enough. And that includes his level of sobriety. Mm hmm. Oh, yeah. I'm happy that I'm around.

He he it's very easy to compare against somebody like him because when you see he is one of these people that if you see at a meeting, you know, this is going to be a good meeting, that he's going to bring good sobriety. And if he opens his mouth, there's probably nothing you're going to be able to top with what he says and you're going to learn something and he's going to put you at ease. There are people like that. So there are times that I compare.

And it's hard because I know some people who were sober when I got sober and they didn't stay sober, and they have been bouncing in and out, in and out, in and out. I saw one of those people the other day. He's wearing shorts. So I say he had an ankle bracelet. He had some jewelry on. That's that's tough. That's not my situation. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Oh, yeah. I'm happy that I'm around.

He he it's very easy to compare against somebody like him because when you see he is one of these people that if you see at a meeting, you know, this is going to be a good meeting, that he's going to bring good sobriety. And if he opens his mouth, there's probably nothing you're going to be able to top with what he says and you're going to learn something and he's going to put you at ease. There are people like that. So there are times that I compare.

And it's hard because I know some people who were sober when I got sober and they didn't stay sober, and they have been bouncing in and out, in and out, in and out. I saw one of those people the other day. He's wearing shorts. So I say he had an ankle bracelet. He had some jewelry on. That's that's tough. That's not my situation. Mm hmm.

He he it's very easy to compare against somebody like him because when you see he is one of these people that if you see at a meeting, you know, this is going to be a good meeting, that he's going to bring good sobriety. And if he opens his mouth, there's probably nothing you're going to be able to top with what he says and you're going to learn something and he's going to put you at ease. There are people like that. So there are times that I compare.

And it's hard because I know some people who were sober when I got sober and they didn't stay sober, and they have been bouncing in and out, in and out, in and out. I saw one of those people the other day. He's wearing shorts. So I say he had an ankle bracelet. He had some jewelry on. That's that's tough. That's not my situation. Mm hmm.

Steve

tendency to compare ourself to the to the worst part, right? It's. Like, like you're looking at the people with the ankle bracelets and stuff, or. Or you're looking at the people who have achieved more than you and you're taking the negative on it right. you know, I've shared about it here before is that I needed to appreciate what I had in my life. And it took me a

long time. It took me till and I told this story when I was living in this house and somebody came to me and said, Hey, do you ever feel like you don't belong in this house? And that's the first time I ever heard anybody say those words, that that really went to the heart It's. of how I felt, like I felt like a fraud. And this was a woman who lived in a bigger and better house than than me. And her husband was a Ph.D. and taught, taught at a seminary. And like, they had a really,

really nice house. And I can remember, like, almost jumping out of my chair saying, Yes, yes, I don't feel like I belong here. Like for my whole life I compared the negative. I always thought, okay, well, somehow I don't belong here like some you know, something's wrong. And then but today I've gotten to the point, Matt, where I just first of all, I realized that life is too short, man. I really it's one of the things I have.

It's. And it's, you know, I feel like we've lost a lot of people, a lot of friends lately. At least I have. and it's something that it's It's. really made me think. It's really made me think that you know, life is very short no matter what age you live to. And it's really important about making sure that you appreciate the things in your life and, and today I work really, really hard to do that. It's not easy. Life is not easy. I just I care about the little stuff less. I care

about the little stuff less. And I look for I look for the bigger things. I look for the, you know, the walk in the woods that I, you know, seven miles. I was out there, I hiked for 3 hours. Right. Not a lot of people, which is the way I like it. And I like to be completely alone. But not a lot of people, but people to talk to few people here and there and really, really a really good time. And that's what I live for today.

Matt

I have a friend who is in her fifties, later fifties, and her husband about the same age. And he had a Widowmaker heart attack

Steve

Mm.

Matt

a couple of weeks ago, and he survived. They were lucky enough that they insisted he go to the hospital and they didn't think much of the, well, preventative go

Steve

Right.

Matt

to the hospital. He was having a widowmaker heart attack. If they had waited a few moments

Steve

right.

Matt

longer, he would be dead. He is incredibly lucky to be alive. First thing I said to her is, why the hell didn't you reach out? Don't you realize there are people who would be willing to support you and just listen? And she said, Well, I don't do that, okay? And I know of a peer who woke up and her husband was dead next to her. He had had a heart attack just next to her. And I've been really thinking about some of that

stuff. When I get into my head around, I don't have those issues of people in the family who are in dire health. And

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

it also reminds me, go get that cardio, go to the gym, do some of the stuff less for

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

your vanity and do it for the interior health. Because I look around at the people at the gym and I see people older than me who have rippling muscles, and I'm like, Well, I don't have rippling muscles. And it bothers me when I see things on Instagram with the before and after pictures that these people get sober and they get ripped and super thin. And I don't know if I'm any thinner or fatter than I was, but I don't feel like there's been that

Steve

It's,

Matt

difference

Steve

it's so

Matt

there.

Steve

easy to do

Matt

And so

Steve

that

Matt

I

Steve

kind

Matt

think,

Steve

of stuff.

Matt

what did

Steve

And

Matt

I do wrong?

Steve

yeah, these are things that I struggle with too. And, you know, especially the last four or five years, I've gone to so many different weight loss programs and was able to lose weight and just haven't found anything that works that the magic bullet that keeps it off for me. So I just keep going no matter what I do. And I've even got some some peace with that. Not completely. I mean, I but I have gotten some peace with that.

And I'm the same way. Like I, I don't have to be my lowest weight where I was, you know, four years ago or whatever. That was where like I was high school weight, you know, I was like that that way. Like, I don't need to be there. That's too hard of a weight for me probably to keep realistically, but I do want to be at a weight where I could do hiking. All right. Well, I could hike like I get it today. I know what I want. I know what

I want today. I want to be able to be in shape to go hike up in New Hampshire and go do some of those big hikes. Agai, not just getting out of bed, doing them without trying, but being able to be in a place where I could do a little bit of work, get in shape, and then go tackle some of those really, really big hikes where I have to be strong, I have to be able to do it has nothing to do with how I look. It does have a lot to do with how I feel, right? How I feel,

how I feel my own skin. I will tell you this like I've watched it my whole life. I've always been this chubby kid myself growing up and, you know, weig my whole life. My whole life. I fought it. And I would look at people who were much heavier and fatter than me, if you will. and they're very you could just see they're really comfortable in their own skin. And I was I always felt like like especially I would look at people like, man, that shirt looks

Matt

Well,

Steve

kind of tight and that fat guy and like, I would never wear that shirt. Like, as I get uncomfortable and get fat, I put on a bigger shirt cause I just don't feel comfortable in it, right? So it's always been that for me. I mean, I still struggle with some I still I still struggle with that today, but I don't let it eat at me. I don't, I don't because it is only one piece of my life, you know, It's

only one piece of my life. And there's so many other pieces of my life that are just absolutely, you know, knock out of the park. Home runs. Yeah,

Matt

in the end, these problems are about me. If I really think

Steve

right.

Matt

about it, when I think about the weight stuff, if I comparing myself to other people, this

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

is also going back to I'll be happy when I feel less than unless I'm thin and ripped. I'm a loser. I'm

Steve

yeah,

Matt

not worth it if I'm at the weight I'm at now, if I'm in the physical conditioning. But when I get to that point, then I have reached that nirvana

Steve

yeah,

Matt

where everybody will accept me. The same thing with the jobs as I look at other people in higher positions because I haven't moved up as fast. There must be something wrong with me,

Steve

That's easy

Matt

and

Steve

to do

Matt

the worst

Steve

when somebody

Matt

thing that I

Steve

says

Matt

ever

Steve

something

Matt

did is I

Steve

like

Matt

talked

Steve

that,

Matt

to a recruiter

Steve

Right? And

Matt

who

Steve

that's

Matt

was

Steve

not

Matt

like,

Steve

a good

Matt

Well,

Steve

recruiter,

Matt

you've been in

Steve

right?

Matt

that position

Steve

That's a recruiter

Matt

for

Steve

who should know

Matt

ten

Steve

how to

Matt

years. People

Steve

handle

Matt

are going to

Steve

that

Matt

look

Steve

type

Matt

at that

Steve

of situation.

Matt

and be less willing to hire you. And that sent me freakin

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

spiraling.

Steve

Yeah, yea. but listen, you know, and I think it is we, we can struggle with that, but today, here's what I do is I again, I look at, I look at what's

Matt

Well,

Steve

important

Matt

no,

Steve

to me

Matt

the

Steve

in my life,

Matt

company

Steve

right?

Matt

he

Steve

I

Matt

works

Steve

do.

Matt

for

Steve

I

Matt

is

Steve

look

Matt

a terrible

Steve

at what's

Matt

company.

Steve

important. And am I

Matt

I

Steve

doing

Matt

won't impugn

Steve

well

Matt

them, but

Steve

in the

Matt

they're

Steve

important

Matt

terrible. I have a friend who is in her fifties, later fifties, and her husband about the same age. And he had a Widowmaker heart attack a couple of weeks ago, and he survived. They were lucky enough that they insisted he go to the hospital and they didn't think much of the, well, preventative go to the hospital. He was having a widowmaker heart attack. If they had waited a few moments longer, he would be dead. He is incredibly lucky to be alive.

First thing I said to her is, why the hell didn't you reach out? Don't you realize there are people who would be willing to support you and just listen? And she said, Well, I don't do that, okay? And I know of a peer who woke up and her husband was dead next to her. He had had a heart attack just next to her. And I've been really thinking about some of that stuff. When I get into my head around, I don't have those issues of people in the family who are in dire

health. And it also reminds me, go get that cardio, go to the gym, do some of the stuff less for your vanity and do it for the interior health. Because I look around at the people at the gym and I see people older than me who have rippling muscles, and I'm like, Well, I don't have rippling muscles. And it bothers me when I see things on Instagram with the before and after pictures that these people get sober and they get ripped

and super thin. And I don't know if I'm any thinner or fatter than I was, but I don't feel like there's been that difference there. And so I think, what did I do wrong? Well, in the end, these problems are about me. If I really think about it, when I think about the weight stuff, if I comparing myself to other people, this is also going back to I'll be happy when I feel less than unless I'm thin and ripped. I'm a loser. I'm not worth it if I'm at the weight I'm at now, if I'm in the

physical conditioning. But when I get to that point, then I have reached that nirvana where everybody will accept me. The same thing with the jobs as I look at other people in higher positions because I haven't moved up as fast. There must be something wrong with me, and the worst thing that I ever did is I talked to a recruiter who was like, Well, you've been in that position for ten years. People are going to look at that and be less willing to hire you. And that sent me freakin spiraling.

Well, no, the company he works for is a terrible company. I won't impugn them, but they're terrible. Well, in the end, these problems are about me. If I really think about it, when I think about the weight stuff, if I comparing myself to other people, this is also going back to I'll be happy when I feel less than unless I'm thin and ripped. I'm a loser. I'm not worth it if I'm at the weight I'm at now, if I'm in the

physical conditioning. But when I get to that point, then I have reached that nirvana where everybody will accept me. The same thing with the jobs as I look at other people in higher positions because I haven't moved up as fast. There must be something wrong with me, and the worst thing that I ever did is I talked to a recruiter who was like, Well, you've been in that position for ten years. People are going to look at that and be less willing to hire you. And that sent me freakin spiraling.

Well, no, the company he works for is a terrible company. I won't impugn them, but they're terrible. Well, in the end, these problems are about me. If I really think about it, when I think about the weight stuff, if I comparing myself to other people, this is also going back to I'll be happy when I feel less than unless I'm thin and ripped. I'm a loser. I'm not worth it if I'm at the weight I'm at now, if I'm in the

physical conditioning. But when I get to that point, then I have reached that nirvana where everybody will accept me. The same thing with the jobs as I look at other people in higher positions because I haven't moved up as fast. There must be something wrong with me, and the worst thing that I ever did is I talked to a recruiter who was like, Well, you've been in that position for ten years. People are going to look at that and be less willing to hire you. And that sent me freakin spiraling.

Well, no, the company he works for is a terrible company. I won't impugn them, but they're terrible. Well, in the end, these problems are about me. If I really think about it, when I think about the weight stuff, if I comparing myself to other people, this is also going back to I'll be happy when I feel less than unless I'm thin and ripped. I'm a loser. I'm not worth it if I'm at the weight I'm at now, if I'm in the

physical conditioning. But when I get to that point, then I have reached that nirvana where everybody will accept me. The same thing with the jobs as I look at other people in higher positions because I haven't moved up as fast. There must be something wrong with me, and the worst thing that I ever did is I talked to a recruiter who was like, Well, you've been in that position for ten years. People are going to look at that and be less willing to hire you. And that sent me freakin spiraling.

Well, no, the company he works for is a terrible company. I won't impugn them, but they're terrible. in the end, these problems are about me. If I really think about it, when I think about the weight stuff, if I comparing myself to other people, this is also going back to I'll be happy when I feel less than unless I'm thin and ripped. I'm a loser. I'm not worth it if I'm at the weight I'm at now, if I'm in the

physical conditioning. But when I get to that point, then I have reached that nirvana where everybody will accept me. The same thing with the jobs as I look at other people in higher positions because I haven't moved up as fast. There must be something wrong with me, and the worst thing that I ever did is I talked to a recruiter who was like, Well, you've been in that position for ten years. People are going to look at that and be less willing to hire you. And that sent me freakin spiraling.

Well, no, the company he works for is a terrible company. I won't impugn them, but they're terrible. in the end, these problems are about me. If I really think about it, when I think about the weight stuff, if I comparing myself to other people, this is also going back to I'll be happy when I feel less than unless I'm thin and ripped. I'm a loser. I'm not worth it if I'm at the weight I'm at now, if I'm in the

physical conditioning. But when I get to that point, then I have reached that nirvana where everybody will accept me. The same thing with the jobs as I look at other people in higher positions because I haven't moved up as fast. There must be something wrong with me, and the worst thing that I ever did is I talked to a recruiter who was like, Well, you've been in that position for ten years. People are going to look at that and be less willing to hire you. And that sent me freakin spiraling.

Well, no, the company he works for is a terrible company. I won't impugn them, but they're terrible. The same thing with the jobs as I look at other people in higher positions because I haven't moved up as fast. There must be something wrong with me, and the worst thing that I ever did is I talked to a recruiter who was like, Well, you've been in that position for ten years. People are going to look at that and be less willing to hire you. And that sent me freakin spiraling.

Well, no, the company he works for is a terrible company. I won't impugn them, but they're terrible. Well, no, the company he works for is a terrible company. I won't impugn them, but they're terrible.

Steve

things in my life. Okay. And even some of those important things I still struggle with. But I'm aware that I struggle with them today and I am aware that I have to work on them and I'm aware that I need to pay attention to when I start, you know, getting into a place that's not healthy for me because all of those things for me when I start going down that path, make me more susceptible to look for an easier, softer way out, right? And to really go, you know, something again, I'm

not happy. Maybe I should pick up a drink or maybe I should, you know, look somewhere else. Or maybe I should do whatever it is and and the truth is, just like you said, it's all about me. You know? It's all about me. My happiness is not derived by anybody else's viewpoint or actions. Actually, you know, one of the things people say happiness is

Matt

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah,

Steve

an inside job. I honestly believe that today it's an inside job, not an external job. because like I said, I sit in rooms with people who have a lot less than me, and I just look at how relaxed and how, you know, how comfortable they are. And maybe that's because they have less stress and they don't have to manage as

Matt

that's.

Steve

many things. And you know, they don't they don't own a 30 $500 sit down mower that they have to worry about breaking down. I really like those simple little things like, yeah, yeah, I had a funny thing on the trail today. Go back to it. As I look down at one point I didn't have my Garmin watch, right? I have a watch that does all this stuff and I always wear it when I go hiking and like, Oh crap, I'm one of one. If I lost it, like, oh, maybe I took it off when I

put on, you know, bug spray. And so, so this whole point, as I'm coming back to the car, I'm looking all over to see if I lost this thing. And I get back and I had been charging it and it was still sitting there where I was charging it. Right,

Matt

I would be swirling.

Steve

right, right. And it's not a it's it's not expensive, but, you know, a couple of hundred. It was a gift. Anyway. I didn't pay a thing for it, but I was for a while like, oh, shit, I lost this watch. You know, this. Yeah, it's it's not that big of a deal. It really is. And I had said that to myself. It's really not that big of a deal. I

do like having it. But the truth is, with all the apps and stuff on your phone, it's become a less, a less useful tool to me than it used to be, you know, because almost everything that it does I can do on my phone nowadays. But anyway, so but that's one of those things, right? Like, you know, I don't have to worry about it. I mean, other people don't have to worry about that because they don't have a whatever it was was probably a $250 watch. Again, I

didn't buy it. My kids bought it for me for Christmas one year, but I don't want to lose it for that either. But my point is I didn't. I did. And and it's something that, you know, I have to worry about and other people don't,

Matt

I can identify. It would feel to me this ends up becoming about me. If I. If I. If I was in your situation. I put the watch down in the car to charge it, but I wasn't sure. I've lost this. I have left and let my kids down and am irresponsible.

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

Now

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

I have also discovered that there are reasons that I misplace stuff. It's not that I'm irresponsible. I've ADHD.

Steve

yeah, I think I do too. Yeah,

Matt

I there are times, especially under stress,

Steve

right.

Matt

that I don't remember the things that I'm doing

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

and that's how I lose things. I just can't focus under certain

Steve

That.

Matt

circumstances.

Steve

I'm going to tell you something that. That was exactly my thought. Right. I was going on this hike first. Not first time alone. First time in a while that I went somewhere new. So that same exact thing happens to me, right? So I realize that when I'm in that situation, I don't think is clearly right. And I get, you know, get a little bit more scrambled. And I realize that and I'm like, okay,

I need to really. And I one thing I learned on this trip, like when I get there, I need to sort of take a moment and sort of get organized right in my brain that my, you know, physical thing in my brain and and and doing I thought the exact same thing like when I get a little bit under stress there it's it's hard and, you know we're not alone with that. A lot of people struggle with that and I same thing I wouldn't feel like a failure, but I was thinking, hey, maybe the strap

broke. I was trying to think like maybe a strap broke, maybe didn't put out. Like, as I said, it was it was sitting where I left it. I had never put it on my my wrist. So all, you know, I worked out in the end. But, but again, one of those things that I worry about a can really can really throw me sometimes.

Matt

Before we end, I have a question on another topic for you. I have a friend who is not a member of a 12 step group, but they're traveling. And so the person decided they wanted to try an AA meeting. They're out of town. Great idea. And the person didn't get a lot from the meeting and they asked why. A person said because somebody shared and they just hijacked the meeting. What? And they asked me, What do you do in that situation? So if you're the meeting chair and

Steve

Well,

Matt

somebody

Steve

if it's

Matt

decided

Steve

my

Matt

to hijack

Steve

regular

Matt

the meeting,

Steve

meeting and somebody really is

Matt

what

Steve

trying to hijack

Matt

would you do?

Steve

the meeting, I, I wouldn't stand for it. Right. I don't you know, I'm not shy in those things. And so I would you know, I would first of all,

Matt

I

Steve

I'd listen

Matt

won't stand

Steve

to try to figure

Matt

for

Steve

out

Matt

no

Steve

if this

Matt

baloney.

Steve

is somebody trying to hijack it for them. But I would always and I've had this happen. I haven't this hasn't happened in a while in any of my meetings. But I have seen it happen before and I have seen people take totally different and irresponsible or or not irresponsible or bad taste, bad ideas on certain things. And if that happens, I immediately put my hand up and I just put my opinion out there like, you don't have to think like that.

You don't have to do that. Like, I will talk in order to try to save that meeting to make sure that that guy, your friend doesn't leave with that. And I guess the other thing would happen if I was in that meeting and I saw a new person and I saw that happen, I would go up to that new person at the end of that meeting and say, Hey, this, I'm sorry about this. This is not the way this meeting usually goes. Or, you know,I would let him know that that this is not

the way it typically goes. The other thing is, is that this person probably really isn't really into it, you know, so it may have been half right. So it may have been hard for them to get something out of the meeting anyway.

Matt

I'm sure there's some

Steve

And

Matt

of that.

Steve

maybe it wasn't bad, as bad as they were thinking. Right. So there could be some other stuff going on there too.

Matt

Yeah. I told this person that if I was the chair, I would probably mildly

Steve

Right.

Matt

interrupt

Steve

Right.

Matt

and say, I want to make sure that we can get to everyone. If you do have more that you want to share, I would recommend

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

stay

Steve

If

Matt

after

Steve

that's

Matt

the meeting,

Steve

the problem, the guy person's

Matt

grab

Steve

going

Matt

somebody

Steve

on too long. Absolutely.

Matt

and have the conversation.

Steve

I mean, there is a limit. Like, and if it's a newcomer and your ass is on fire even

Matt

Yeah.

Steve

now, but even that I've seen it happen. Like, even that you what you do is you cut them off gently or not so gently, depending on who the person is and how well you know them. Maybe they're just like that. And you don't have to be gentle with them.You just have to be tough with them. And then you say, Hey, let's, you know, grab somebody after the meeting and you can you can finish up your your conversation, Right? So, yeah, it's going to happen if

you're a friend. If your friend wants a, Mm hmm. they'll be able to find a meeting that works for them, right? Yeah.

Matt

They don't. They just wanted a little recovery

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

while they were traveling, and it played into their mindset. But I also told them McDonald's, you can go to any McDonald's and they have a system down that the hamburger is going to taste the same

Steve

yeah,

Matt

no matter

Steve

yeah,

Matt

what McDonald's. There is no quality control.

Steve

yeah.

Matt

And alcoholics Anonymous and there are lousy meetings. And I said, this is why I still go to meetings, is I want there to be good

Steve

Right.

Matt

meetings for people who are new, who don't know otherwise, because there are there are meetings where the people are totally out of control. And if you've got somebody and that's the only experience

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

they have, they're going to walk out and say, AA is a joke. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take

Steve

Um,

Matt

anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good

Steve

yeah,

Matt

example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against. So that's why I said

Steve

right.

Matt

I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience

Steve

Now,

Matt

because you went to a bad

Steve

you know

Matt

meeting

Steve

something that we. I

Matt

and that's

Steve

know

Matt

not

Steve

we both

Matt

how they

Steve

try

Matt

all

Steve

to make

Matt

are.

Steve

sure that especially new people come in and. And they have a good experience at meetings that we're at. I think we've done a great job at our Monday night meeting. We've had some people come in. I really do. And everybody there. Yeah, And everybody is like, Really?

Matt

Yep.

Steve

You've made me feel comfortable. You made me feel, Instead, you know, And that's I mean, I feel great when I hear that. And people have come in and they're staying. And then there's a guy that the young guy whose name happened to be Matt, also new guy, has been coming to our Friday night meeting, I guess, for like three weeks now. And and I've been talking to him. I talked to have a new person comes in and if they want to talk, I'll talk I. with them. Sometimes they

don't want to talk. And he's been willing to talk to me so I'll see him and he does talk to me tonight. He must have got my number for somebody else. He says, Hey, I just wanna let you know we've been talking about sponsorship. And I told him I had a long discussion with them last week. I'm like, I'm not shopping for a sponsor. You first of all, I'm not shopping for a sponsorship. I'll do whatever you need. You know, if you need help, I'll help you. But you need to get a sponsor.

Like you need to get one. You need find somebody. Here's what you should do. Go to Friday night. He's talking about going to the Thursday night meeting.And like those two meetings you can come out of there to sponsor, right? You can come out of there with a sponsor, right? You just got fun. And he texted me today, said, hey,

Matt

Perfect.

Steve

it's fine. You know, if I'm the sponsor, he told me who it was. I know this person. I'm like, I think it's a great choice and thanks for keeping me. And he said to me, Thanks for being so supportive. I mean, that message right there, right. That message is why I go to meetings. So because and all I did was talk to this guy. That's all I did talk to him 10 minutes before the meeting, talked to him after the meeting a little bit, and then try to try to guide them like, hey, you need

to do this. And hopefully he's a young guy. Hopefully he'll be able to stick around and get some good sobriety. So they really do. They really do.

Matt

Empathy and kindness

Steve

Absolutely.

Matt

go a long way

Steve

Was

Matt

that you

Steve

was

Matt

can

Steve

one

Matt

make

Steve

of my

Matt

an

Steve

strong

Matt

impact.

Steve

points for a long time, especially when I was a dry drunk and they said I still could be a prick once in a while.

Matt

No, not mine.

Steve

But I do work on a lot harder. I mean, I am much more compassionate and much more empathetic than I ever used to be,

Matt

Ash Butters told me on the nicest person

Steve

right?

Matt

on Instagram

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

sobriety,

Steve

right.

Matt

and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am.

Steve

Yeah.

Matt

You have no idea

Steve

I

Matt

how

Steve

lived

Matt

awful

Steve

that double life

Matt

I

Steve

my

Matt

could

Steve

whole

Matt

be

Steve

life.

Matt

if I chose

Steve

I still

Matt

to be.

Steve

have cousins and I have a lot of aunts still living there. They just thought I was the cat's meow. They did, because that's what I showed them, right when I was what I was in their presence. That's what I showed them that. And yeah, they have they had no clue and they still don't have an clue. I have some cousins, especially my my mom's side cousins on my father's side. They know that we hung out, we drank together, we party together. But our mom's side, like they still. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Listen, you know what I'm like. I even told them, like, you don't. You don't get the whole picture. Trust me. You don't. You don't see it. Thank you. But you don't see the whole picture Hmm. anyway. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Me?

Matt

Right.

Steve

Oh, me too.

Matt

And I feel better. I

Steve

Me

Matt

feel

Steve

too.

Matt

better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go

Steve

Yeah,

Matt

on that

Steve

right.

Matt

hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram

Steve

Hey, Ma.

Matt

channel

Steve

Thank you. Well, if it's my regular meeting and somebody really is trying to hijack the meeting, I, I wouldn't stand for it. Right. I don't you know, I'm not shy in those things. And so I would you know, I would first of all, I'd listen to try to figure out if this is somebody trying to hijack it for them. But I would always and I've had this happen. I haven't this hasn't happened in a while

in any of my meetings. But I have seen it happen before and I have seen people take totally different and irresponsible or or not irresponsible or bad taste, bad ideas on certain things. And if that happens, I immediately put my hand up and I just put my opinion out there like, you don't have to think like that. You don't have to do that. Like, I will talk in order to try to save that meeting to make sure that that guy, your friend doesn't leave with that.

And I guess the other thing would happen if I was in that meeting and I saw a new person and I saw that happen, I would go up to that new person at the end of that meeting and say, Hey, this, I'm sorry about this. This is not the way this meeting usually goes. Or, you know,I would let him know that that this is not the way it typically goes. The other thing is, is that this person probably really isn't really into it, you know, so it may have been half right.

So it may have been hard for them to get something out of the meeting anyway. And maybe it wasn't bad, as bad as they were thinking. Right. So there could be some other stuff going on there too. Right. Right. Yeah. If that's the problem, the guy person's going on too long. Absolutely. I mean, there is a limit. Like, and if it's a newcomer and your ass is on fire even now, but even that I've

seen it happen. Like, even that you what you do is you cut them off gently or not so gently, depending on who the person is and how well you know them. Maybe they're just like that. And you don't have to be gentle with them.You just have to be tough with them. And then you say, Hey, let's, you know, grab somebody after the meeting and you can you can finish up your your conversation, Right? So, yeah, it's going to happen if

you're a friend. If your friend wants a, they'll be able to find a meeting that works for them, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. Um, yeah, right. Now, you know something that we. I know we both try to make sure that especially new people come in and. And they have a good experience at meetings that we're at. I think we've done a great job at our Monday night meeting. We've had some people come in. I really do. And everybody there. Yeah, And everybody is like, Really?

You've made me feel comfortable. You made me feel, you know, And that's I mean, I feel great when I hear that. And people have come in and they're staying. And then there's a guy that the young guy whose name happened to be Matt, also new guy, has been coming to our Friday night meeting, I guess, for like three weeks now. And and I've been talking to him. I talked to have a new person comes in and if they want to talk, I'll talk with them. Sometimes they don't

want to talk. And he's been willing to talk to me so I'll see him and he does talk to me tonight. He must have got my number for somebody else. He says, Hey, I just wanna let you know we've been talking about sponsorship. And I told him I had a long discussion with them last week. I'm like, I'm not shopping for a sponsor. You first of all, I'm not shopping for a sponsorship. I'll do whatever you need. You know, if you need help, I'll help you. But you need to get a sponsor.

Like you need to get one. You need find somebody. Here's what you should do. Go to Friday night. He's talking about going to the Thursday night meeting.And like those two meetings you can come out of there to sponsor, right? You can come out of there with a sponsor, right? You just got fun. And he texted me today, said, hey, it's fine. You know, if I'm the sponsor, he told me who it was. I know this person. I'm like, I think it's a great choice and thanks for keeping me.

And he said to me, Thanks for being so supportive. I mean, that message right there, right. That message is why I go to meetings. So because and all I did was talk to this guy. That's all I did talk to him 10 minutes before the meeting, talked to him after the meeting a little bit, and then try to try to guide them like, hey, you need to do this. And hopefully he's a young guy. Hopefully he'll be able to stick around and get some good sobriety. So they really do. They really do.

Absolutely. Was was one of my strong points for a long time, especially when I was a dry drunk and they said I still could be a prick once in a while. But I do work on a lot harder. I mean, I am much more compassionate and much more empathetic than I ever used to be, right? Yeah, right. Yeah. I lived that double life my whole life. I still have cousins and I have a lot of aunts still living there. They just thought I was the cat's

meow. They did, because that's what I showed them, right when I was what I was in their presence. That's what I showed them that. And yeah, they have they had no clue and they still don't have an clue. I have some cousins, especially my my mom's side cousins on my father's side. They know that we hung out, we drank together, we party together. But our mom's side, like they still. Oh, my God. Yeah. Listen, you know what I'm like. I even told them, like, you don't. You don't get the

whole picture. Trust me. You don't. You don't see it. Thank you. But you don't see the whole picture anyway. Me? Oh, me too. Me too. Yeah, right. Hey, Ma. Thank you. Well, if it's my regular meeting and somebody really is trying to hijack the meeting, I, I wouldn't stand for it. Right. I don't you know, I'm not shy in those things. And so I would you know, I would first of all, I'd listen to try to figure out if this is somebody trying to hijack it for them. But I would always and

I've had this happen. I haven't this hasn't happened in a while in any of my meetings. But I have seen it happen before and I have seen people take totally different and irresponsible or or not irresponsible or bad taste, bad ideas on certain things. And if that happens, I immediately put my hand up and I just put my opinion out there like, you don't have to think like that. You don't have to do

that. Like, I will talk in order to try to save that meeting to make sure that that guy, your friend doesn't leave with that. And I guess the other thing would happen if I was in that meeting and I saw a new person and I saw that happen, I would go up to that new person at the end of that meeting and say, Hey, this, I'm sorry about this. This is not the way this meeting usually goes. Or, you know,I would let him know that that this is not the way it typically

goes. The other thing is, is that this person probably really isn't really into it, you know, so it may have been half right. So it may have been hard for them to get something out of the meeting anyway. And maybe it wasn't bad, as bad as they were thinking. Right. So there could be some other stuff going on there too. Right. Right. Yeah. If that's the problem, the guy person's going on too long. Absolutely. I mean, there is a

limit. Like, and if it's a newcomer and your ass is on fire even now, but even that I've seen it happen. Like, even that you what you do is you cut them off gently or not so gently, depending on who the person is and how well you know them. Maybe they're just like that. And you don't have to be gentle with them.You just have to be tough with them. And then you say, Hey, let's, you know, grab somebody after the meeting and you can you can finish up your

your conversation, Right? So, yeah, it's going to happen if you're a friend. If your friend wants a, they'll be able to find a meeting that works for them, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. Um, yeah, right. Now, you know something that we. I know we both try to make sure that especially new people come in and. And they have a good experience at meetings that we're at. I think we've done a great job at our Monday night meeting. We've had some people come in. I really do. And

everybody there. Yeah, And everybody is like, Really? You've made me feel comfortable. You made me feel, you know, And that's I mean, I feel great when I hear that. And people have come in and they're staying. And then there's a guy that the young guy whose name happened to be Matt, also new guy, has been coming to our Friday night meeting, I guess, for like three weeks now. And and I've been talking to him. I talked to have a new person comes in and if they want to talk, I'll talk

with them. Sometimes they don't want to talk. And he's been willing to talk to me so I'll see him and he does talk to me tonight. He must have got my number for somebody else. He says, Hey, I just wanna let you know we've been talking about sponsorship. And I told him I had a long discussion with them last week. I'm like, I'm not shopping for a sponsor. You first of all, I'm not shopping for a sponsorship. I'll do whatever you need. You know, if you need help, I'll help you.

But you need to get a sponsor. Like you need to get one. You need find somebody. Here's what you should do. Go to Friday night. He's talking about going to the Thursday night meeting.And like those two meetings you can come out of there to sponsor, right? You can come out of there with a sponsor, right? You just got fun. And he texted me today, said, hey, it's fine. You know, if I'm the sponsor, he told me who it was. I know this person.

I'm like, I think it's a great choice and thanks for keeping me. And he said to me, Thanks for being so supportive. I mean, that message right there, right. That message is why I go to meetings. So because and all I did was talk to this guy. That's all I did talk to him 10 minutes before the meeting, talked to him after the meeting a little bit, and then try to try to guide them like, hey, you need to do this. And hopefully he's a young guy. Hopefully he'll be able to stick around and get

some good sobriety. So they really do. They really do. Absolutely. Was was one of my strong points for a long time, especially when I was a dry drunk and they said I still could be a prick once in a while. But I do work on a lot harder. I mean, I am much more compassionate and much more empathetic than I ever used to be, right? Yeah, right. Yeah. I lived that double life my whole life. I still have cousins and I have a lot of aunts still living there. They just thought I was the cat's

meow. They did, because that's what I showed them, right when I was what I was in their presence. That's what I showed them that. And yeah, they have they had no clue and they still don't have an clue. I have some cousins, especially my my mom's side cousins on my father's side. They know that we hung out, we drank together, we party together. But our mom's side, like they still. Oh, my God. Yeah. Listen, you know what I'm like. I even told them, like, you don't. You don't get the

whole picture. Trust me. You don't. You don't see it. Thank you. But you don't see the whole picture anyway. Me? Oh, me too. Me too. Yeah, right. Hey, Ma. Thank you. Well, if it's my regular meeting and somebody really is trying to hijack the meeting, I, I wouldn't stand for it. Right. I don't you know, I'm not shy in those things. And so I would you know, I would first of all, I'd listen to try to figure out if this is somebody trying to hijack it for them. But I would always and

I've had this happen. I haven't this hasn't happened in a while in any of my meetings. But I have seen it happen before and I have seen people take totally different and irresponsible or or not irresponsible or bad taste, bad ideas on certain things. And if that happens, I immediately put my hand up and I just put my opinion out there like, you don't have to think like that. You don't have to do

that. Like, I will talk in order to try to save that meeting to make sure that that guy, your friend doesn't leave with that. And I guess the other thing would happen if I was in that meeting and I saw a new person and I saw that happen, I would go up to that new person at the end of that meeting and say, Hey, this, I'm sorry about this. This is not the way this meeting usually goes. Or, you know,I would let him know that that this is not the way it typically

goes. The other thing is, is that this person probably really isn't really into it, you know, so it may have been half right. So it may have been hard for them to get something out of the meeting anyway. And maybe it wasn't bad, as bad as they were thinking. Right. So there could be some other stuff going on there too. Right. Right. Yeah. If that's the problem, the guy person's going on too long. Absolutely. I mean, there is a

limit. Like, and if it's a newcomer and your ass is on fire even now, but even that I've seen it happen. Like, even that you what you do is you cut them off gently or not so gently, depending on who the person is and how well you know them. Maybe they're just like that. And you don't have to be gentle with them.You just have to be tough with them. And then you say, Hey, let's, you know, grab somebody after the meeting and you can you can finish up your

your conversation, Right? So, yeah, it's going to happen if you're a friend. If your friend wants a, they'll be able to find a meeting that works for them, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. yeah, right. Now, you know something that we. I know we both try to make sure that especially new people come in and. And they have a good experience at meetings that we're at. I think we've done a great job at our Monday night meeting. We've had some people come in. I really do. And

everybody there. Yeah, And everybody is like, Really? You've made me feel comfortable. You made me feel, you know, And that's I mean, I feel great when I hear that. And people have come in and they're staying. And then there's a guy that the young guy whose name happened to be Matt, also new guy, has been coming to our Friday night meeting, I guess, for like three weeks now. And and I've been talking to him. I talked to have a new person comes in and if they want to talk, I'll talk

with them. Sometimes they don't want to talk. And he's been willing to talk to me so I'll see him and he does talk to me tonight. He must have got my number for somebody else. He says, Hey, I just wanna let you know we've been talking about sponsorship. And I told him I had a long discussion with them last week. I'm like, I'm not shopping for a sponsor. You first of all, I'm not shopping for a sponsorship. I'll do whatever you need. You know, if you need help, I'll help you.

But you need to get a sponsor. Like you need to get one. You need find somebody. Here's what you should do. Go to Friday night. He's talking about going to the Thursday night meeting.And like those two meetings you can come out of there to sponsor, right? You can come out of there with a sponsor, right? You just got fun. And he texted me today, said, hey, it's fine. You know, if I'm the sponsor, he told me who it was. I know this person.

I'm like, I think it's a great choice and thanks for keeping me. And he said to me, Thanks for being so supportive. I mean, that message right there, right. That message is why I go to meetings. So because and all I did was talk to this guy. That's all I did talk to him 10 minutes before the meeting, talked to him after the meeting a little bit, and then try to try to guide them like, hey, you need to do this. And hopefully he's a young guy. Hopefully he'll be able to stick around and get

some good sobriety. So they really They really do. Absolutely. Was was one of my strong points for a long time, especially when I was a dry drunk and they said I still could be a prick once in a while. But I do work on a lot harder. I mean, I am much more compassionate and much more empathetic than I ever used to be, right? Yeah, right. Yeah. I lived that double life my whole life. I still have cousins and I have a lot of aunts still living there. They just thought I was the cat's

meow. They did, because that's what I showed them, right when I was what I was in their presence. That's what I showed them that. And yeah, they have they had no clue and they still don't have an clue. I have some cousins, especially my my mom's side cousins on my father's side. They know that we hung out, we drank together, we party together. But our mom's side, like they still. Oh, my God. Yeah. Listen, you know what I'm like. I even told them, like, you don't. You don't get the

whole picture. Trust me. You don't. You don't see it. Thank you. But you don't see the whole picture anyway. Me? Oh, me too. Me too. right. Hey, Ma. Thank you.

Matt

at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody. that's. I would be swirling. I can identify. It would feel to me this ends up becoming about me. If I. If I. If I was in your situation. I put the watch down in the car to charge it, but I wasn't sure. I've lost this. I have left and let my kids down and am irresponsible. Now I have also discovered that there are reasons that I misplace stuff. It's not that I'm irresponsible. I've ADHD.

I there are times, especially under stress, that I don't remember the things that I'm doing and that's how I lose things. I just can't focus under certain circumstances. Before we end, I have a question on another topic for you. I have a friend who is not a member of a 12 step group, but they're traveling. And so the person decided they wanted to try an AA meeting. They're out of town. Great idea. And the person didn't get a lot from the

meeting and they asked why. A person said because somebody shared and they just hijacked the meeting. What? And they asked me, What do you do in that situation? So if you're the meeting chair and somebody decided to hijack the meeting, what would you do? I won't stand for no baloney. I'm sure there's some of that. Yeah. I told this person that if I was the chair, I would probably mildly interrupt and say, I want to make sure that we

can get to everyone. If you do have more that you want to share, I would recommend stay after the meeting, grab somebody and have the conversation. Yeah. Mm hmm. They don't. They just wanted a little recovery while they were traveling, and it played into their mindset. But I also told them McDonald's, you can go to any McDonald's and they have a system down that the hamburger is going to taste the same no matter what McDonald's. There is no quality control. And alcoholics Anonymous and there

are lousy meetings. And I said, this is why I still go to meetings, is I want there to be good meetings for people who are new, who don't know otherwise, because there are there are meetings where the people are totally out of control. And if you've got somebody and that's the only experience they have, they're going to walk out and say, AA is a joke. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a

strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against. So that's why I said I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience because you went to a bad meeting and that's not how they all are. Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine.

Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better. I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah.

I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody. Before we end, I have a question on

another topic for you. I have a friend who is not a member of a 12 step group, but they're traveling. And so the person decided they wanted to try an AA meeting. They're out of town. Great idea. And the person didn't get a lot from the meeting and they asked why. A person said because somebody shared and they just hijacked the meeting. What? And they asked me, What do you do in that situation? So if you're the meeting chair and somebody decided to hijack the meeting, what would you do?

I won't stand for no baloney. I'm sure there's some of that. Yeah. I told this person that if I was the chair, I would probably mildly interrupt and say, I want to make sure that we can get to everyone. If you do have more that you want to share, I would recommend stay after the meeting, grab somebody and have the conversation. Yeah. Mm hmm. They don't. They just wanted a little recovery while they were traveling, and it

played into their mindset. But I also told them McDonald's, you can go to any McDonald's and they have a system down that the hamburger is going to taste the same no matter what McDonald's. There is no quality control. And alcoholics Anonymous and there are lousy meetings. And I said, this is why I still go to meetings, is I want there to be good meetings for people who are new, who don't know otherwise, because there are there are meetings where the people are

totally out of control. And if you've got somebody and that's the only experience they have, they're going to walk out and say, AA is a joke. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against.

So that's why I said I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience because you went to a bad meeting and that's not how they all are. Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine. Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better.

I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can

stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody. Before we end, I have a question on another topic for you. I have a friend who is not a member of a 12 step group, but they're traveling. And so the person decided they wanted to try an AA meeting. They're out of town. Great idea. And the person didn't get a lot from the

meeting and they asked why. A person said because somebody shared and they just hijacked the meeting. What? And they asked me, What do you do in that situation? So if you're the meeting chair and somebody decided to hijack the meeting, what would you do? I won't stand for no baloney. I'm sure there's some of that. Yeah. I told this person that if I was the chair, I would probably mildly interrupt and say, I want to make sure that we

can get to everyone. If you do have more that you want to share, I would recommend stay after the meeting, grab somebody and have the conversation. Yeah. Mm hmm. They don't. They just wanted a little recovery while they were traveling, and it played into their mindset. But I also told them McDonald's, you can go to any McDonald's and they have a system down that the hamburger is going to taste the same no matter what McDonald's. There is no quality control. And alcoholics Anonymous and there

are lousy meetings. And I said, this is why I still go to meetings, is I want there to be good meetings for people who are new, who don't know otherwise, because there are there are meetings where the people are totally out of control. And if you've got somebody and that's the only experience they have, they're going to walk out and say, AA is a joke. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a

strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against. So that's why I said I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience because you went to a bad meeting and that's not how they all are. Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine.

Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better. I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah.

I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody. Before we end, I have a question on

another topic for you. I have a friend who is not a member of a 12 step group, but they're traveling. And so the person decided they wanted to try an AA meeting. They're out of town. Great idea. And the person didn't get a lot from the meeting and they asked why. A person said because somebody shared and they just hijacked the meeting. What? And they asked me, What do you do in that situation? So if you're the meeting chair and somebody decided to hijack the meeting, what would you do?

I won't stand for no baloney. I'm sure there's some of that. Yeah. I told this person that if I was the chair, I would probably mildly interrupt and say, I want to make sure that we can get to everyone. If you do have more that you want to share, I would recommend stay after the meeting, grab somebody and have the conversation. Yeah. Mm hmm. They don't. They just wanted a little recovery while they were traveling, and it

played into their mindset. But I also told them McDonald's, you can go to any McDonald's and they have a system down that the hamburger is going to taste the same no matter what McDonald's. There is no quality control. And alcoholics Anonymous and there are lousy meetings. And I said, this is why I still go to meetings, is I want there to be good meetings for people who are new, who don't know otherwise, because there are there are meetings where the people are

totally out of control. And if you've got somebody and that's the only experience they have, they're going to walk out and say, AA is a joke. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against.

So that's why I said I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience because you went to a bad meeting and that's not how they all are. Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine. Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better.

I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can

stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody. I won't stand for no baloney. I'm sure there's some of that. Yeah. I told this person that if I was the chair, I would probably mildly interrupt and say, I want to make sure that we can get to everyone. If you do have more that you want to share, I would recommend stay after the meeting, grab somebody and have the conversation.

Yeah. Mm hmm. They don't. They just wanted a little recovery while they were traveling, and it played into their mindset. But I also told them McDonald's, you can go to any McDonald's and they have a system down that the hamburger is going to taste the same no matter what McDonald's. There is no quality control. And alcoholics Anonymous and there

are lousy meetings. And I said, this is why I still go to meetings, is I want there to be good meetings for people who are new, who don't know otherwise, because there are there are meetings where the people are totally out of control. And if you've got somebody and that's the only experience they have, they're going to walk out and say, AA is a joke. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a

strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against. So that's why I said I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience because you went to a bad meeting and that's not how they all are. Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine.

Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better. I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah.

I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody. I'm sure there's some of that.

Yeah. I told this person that if I was the chair, I would probably mildly interrupt and say, I want to make sure that we can get to everyone. If you do have more that you want to share, I would recommend stay after the meeting, grab somebody and have the conversation. Yeah. Mm hmm. They don't. They just wanted a little recovery while they were traveling, and it

played into their mindset. But I also told them McDonald's, you can go to any McDonald's and they have a system down that the hamburger is going to taste the same no matter what McDonald's. There is no quality control. And alcoholics Anonymous and there are lousy meetings. And I said, this is why I still go to meetings, is I want there to be good meetings for people who are new, who don't know otherwise, because there are there are meetings where the people are

totally out of control. And if you've got somebody and that's the only experience they have, they're going to walk out and say, AA is a joke. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against.

So that's why I said I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience because you went to a bad meeting and that's not how they all are. Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine. Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better.

I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can

stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody. Mm hmm. They don't. They just wanted a little recovery while they were traveling, and it played into their mindset. But I also told them McDonald's, you can go to any McDonald's and they have a system down that the hamburger is going to taste the same no matter what McDonald's.

There is no quality control. And alcoholics Anonymous and there are lousy meetings. And I said, this is why I still go to meetings, is I want there to be good meetings for people who are new, who don't know otherwise, because there are there are meetings where the people are totally out of control. And if you've got somebody and that's the only experience they have, they're going to walk out and

say, AA is a joke. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against. So that's why I said I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience because you went to a bad meeting and that's not how they all are.

Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine. Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better. I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you

identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody

next week by everybody. And so it's I look at it now, it's my responsibility because I don't need to take anymore to be a good example and to maybe have a strong opinion. Sometimes when it makes sense for the group, because I truly believe that you need people who set a good example to show what is possible, what you can goal set against. So that's why I said I feel bad that you had that you got a bad experience because you went to a bad meeting and that's not how they all are.

Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine. Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better. I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you

identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody

next week by everybody. Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine. Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better. I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you

identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody

next week by everybody. Yep. Instead, I. Perfect. Empathy and kindness go a long way that you can make an impact. No, not mine. Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better. I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you

identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody

next week by everybody. Ash Butters told me on the nicest person on Instagram sobriety, and I said, You have no idea what a prick I am. You have no idea how awful I could be if I chose to be. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better. I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah.

I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Right. And I feel better.

I feel better being nice and empathetic and helpful to other people. I do. Well, we'd love to hear what your feedback is on things like this. Do you identify with. I'll be happy when I get to a certain point. Are you all or nothing of. Yeah. I'm not going to go on that hike unless I can reach the Appalachian Trail and do a good 15 miles. Otherwise, it's just not worth my time. You can reach us at our website, Sober Friends podcast while you're there. Join the mailing list so that we can

stay in touch. Why don't you subscribe to the Instagram channel at Sober Friends Pod? Steve, thanks for another great show and we'll see everybody next week by everybody.

Transcript source: Provided by creator in RSS feed: download file
For the best experience, listen in Metacast app for iOS or Android
Open in Metacast