And it was an ex-boyfriend and he had come up. He came over to my house
That.
and I was sitting on the couch. I was just reading a book with candles, a bottle of of tequila sitting there. I was just
Mm.
sipping on tequila like a normal person, you know. And
Right.
he was like, What happened to you to drink like this? And I was like, What are you talking about? Me? Like, who drinks tequila on a Tuesday night? Like, while reading a book like that is not normal. And I just will never forget the crippling shame I felt in that moment.
And.
It was like this feeling like I had been caught or. Or see. Like I just felt so naked. And that kind of was the beginning of me hiding my drinking
It's hard to get serious for this podcast, Steve, when your ten year old is in the corner and doing her little twerking thing, she likes
Yeah.
to go and twerk her ass in front of me. That's her. That's her little thing. She's learned
Yeah.
how to twerk Sweet as the sweetest girl on the planet. Well, Steve, I'm excited. We've got a guest tonight, and I always like it when we can do something for our female listeners, because I think in alcoholism addiction, not enough is done for women. If you go to a 12 step meeting, these things are dominated by men. Our meeting we went to last night, somebody said, Hey, is this a men's meeting now?
All right.
It just the women don't come. So Just the truth. we have Laura on as our guest. You know her as your sober pal on Instagram, where she is incredibly vulnerable. I found Laura on both the Sober Motivation podcast and at first founder on Jill teases Sober Powered podcast, and she's got an incredible message. Laura, thanks for coming on the Sober Friends podcast.
Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
I'm excited to have you here. Before
Yeah,
you get into your story, I'm curious, when you first got sober, would you have considered yourself to have a low bottom story or would you have considered yourself to be more high bottom?
it could have been a higher bottom, but I let that bottom get pretty low, so I would. I would say like mid to low bottom.
I would have assumed you would have considered yourself more high bottom. Based
I think a lot
on
of.
People.
Think that I'm a high bottom,
Mm hmm.
but yeah, no.
I've had some bad bottom.
I don't think you are, but I don't think you ended up in the gutter.
Yeah.
So that was my way of saying I was a high bottom person. And when we get into your story, the thing that I can identify the most is it was to me, it seemed like it was more of the issues of the mind of the mental torture more than anything else. And that's what I could identify. Hearing your story, why don't you start wherever you want to? How did you get to this point? How did you join our wonderful club? Laura?
Well, as you kind of alluded to before the podcast, I want to not get too stuck in the mess and focus on the message, you know, it's, I feel like you don't think it's going to happen to you, right? And I saw it in my family and I thought, Well, that's not going to be me. And I thought I was immune to it. And so I, you know, I went into college like every other college student, thinking, I'm going to party and do what college
students do. And, you know, growing up, I was really insecure and I was I lost confidence. And so when I discovered alcohol, you know, it was the I thought it was like the key to the world. You know, it gave me confidence. It made me feel easy and in my own skin. And I just I felt really good. What can I say?
So
You could be who you really weren't. That's
Yeah.
how it felt for me.
yes.
Totally. And it feels good. Like, what can I say? I like things.
That.
Feel good, like
Mm hmm.
even sober. So Don't we all. I know, right? And I'm like, I think that's why so many of us people chase food and other things when we get sober. But,
Absolutely.
but yeah, you know, and so I went to college, drank, partied, had a blast. After that, I moved to a ski town, and anybody who's lived in a ski town knows it's like college 2.0, you know what I'm saying? And so everybody is a Peter Pan. And again, drinking and partying is normal. It's like just the same way it is in college. And like, I didn't. And the thing is, when you're surrounded by people who are behaving the same way as you, you don't think twice about what you're doing
That is one of the things I can identify most with your story when I've heard it a couple of times. Because I have to tell you, I didn't have a problem because the people I hung around with drank a lot worse than me. And so it was so easy to point at them of I can't be an alcoholic. Look at how that asshole drinks. And I don't drink that way, so I'm fine.
You know.
It is great to compare and be around people worse than you.
and it's so easy to find somebody who Right. makes you feel better about the way you drink.
You
Mm
know?
hmm. Yeah, I s I'm fond of saying that everybody I hung out with drank like me. Or at least I thought they did. Because if they didn't, I didn't hang out with them anyway, so, yeah, I would move on to people who continued to drink like me.
Right. And then you saw people who maybe weren't drinking as much as you and you're like, that person's really weird. And so
Yeah.
or you automatically assume they just, you know, Yeah. And Yeah, absolutely. you know. So, yeah, I mean, that's how it was in the ski town. And so I I partied think. pretty hard and I don't think it was until I was in my mid to late twenties that the first until someone actually pointed out my drinking to me. And it was an ex-boyfriend and he had come up. He came over to my house
That.
and I was sitting on the couch. I was just reading a book with candles, a bottle of of tequila sitting there. I was just
Mm.
sipping on tequila like a normal person, you know. And
Right.
he was like, What happened to you to drink like this? And I was like, What are you talking about? Me? Like, who drinks tequila on a Tuesday night? Like, while reading a book like that is not normal. And I just will never forget the crippling shame I felt in that moment.
And.
It was like this feeling like I had been caught or. Or see. Like I just felt so naked. And that kind of was the beginning of me hiding my drinking because, you know, I didn't believe I had a problem, but I didn't need anybody else like having an opinion on the way I drink.
Isn't that just the opposite of the way you should think? Somebody calls you out and says maybe your drinking is troublesome, so instead of doing something about it, they better not see me doing it anymore. So I don't hear about it.
Right?
It's Well literal insanity.
Yeah, no, I think it's, it's, I think it's a standard move for some of us. I did exactly the same thing. Like I said, I never wanted anybody to see the way I drank, you know, like, I would drink totally different in front of you than once you were. You weren't around.
Yeah. So. And shame was a huge part of it for me, too. I really identify with that from an early age, that it's such a strong feeling, you know, And It's so strong. one Yeah, once you get it alcohol to go. Took that away from me though. Sometimes it made me more shameful. Right. So you said I had a lot of shame and then I would drink and it would make me feel better until afterwards I would like, Oh, I did it again, you know.
Yeah. I mean, alcohol at the end of the day really exacerbates shame,
Yeah.
but it's just like that chicken egg situation where you're like, you drink to to cover mass the shame. But that is there tenfold when the booze wears off. And
Right,
right.
right,
oh, it's such a hamster wheel that I do not miss.
Yeah.
But yeah, I mean, I started hiding my drinking and I started noticing like that little things. Like I had a roommate. She was part of a wine club. She get these, like, fancy wines from Napa and stuff. And I remember, like, I couldn't I would drink. I would have the urge so strong that I would end up like caving in, then cracking open one of her like special bottles from Napa. But then I realized I couldn't replace it because
Mhm.
I couldn't go to the store and replace the alcohol. And then she'd be like, Where's all my wine? And I remember being like, Oh, why cannot why can't you just not drink her wine? Li, what is wrong with you? And I think I was starting to notice that even when I swore I wouldn't drink, I would drink and I didn't like that it didn't feel good to not be in control. And so, yeah, I started doing the whole like 30 days. I would do like, I'm not going to drink
this week. I'm gonna take a week off and kind of do these like little dry stints thinking I could come back and be able to control it. Because, you know, if you take a break, that means that you don't have a problem You know. right?
Right.
I looked on Yahoo once a long time ago when Yahoo! Was a thing, and I read about quitting drinking or dialing back and there was some article that said, if you can not drink for something like 90 days or so, it will relieve your problems. Or it said something along the lines or I read it in such a way that if you stopped drinking for a while, you won't drink as much when you come back. Now, I don't know if that was the reality, but that's how I took it. And it was on Yahoo! So it must be true.
Wow. I cannot believe there's something out there that actually says that.
It was also 20 years ago. So.
Oh.
I mean, it was. Do you mean like it was on Yahoo! The website or written by a Yahoo! A
No,
little bit.
it was. It was written
right,
on the Yahoo
right.
website. But both. Both Both. probably
Oh. Yeah.
Wow. I mean, yeah. I mean, we I'm convinced that all of us have gone through a round of that
Yeah.
where we thought we could if we took a break, we
Yeah.
would be able to control it. I mean, I literally have friends in my life right now who are like, I'm taking a break so that I can like, get my drinking in control. And I'm like, Oh,
Right.
I remember that.
and
Oh,
Right.
memory, You know, that's not my place to tell someone they have a drinking problem.
right.
Now.
People learn that for some of us it's going to take what it takes. And for me, I had to prove to myself I had a problem. I was not like
Right.
going to be like, Oh, my life is a little uncomfortable. Drinking is hurting, is like pulling me back in these ways. So I'm done. Like it really got beaten into me. And that's what I mean when you when you asked about the low bottom in the high bar, it like I couldn't stopped drinking at this point. It was clearly not working for me. I was already like not happy with the way I was drinking. I was starting to realize it was holding me back, but I just wanted to control it. I wanted
to get it under control. I wanted to still be able to hang out and party, just not feel like the pull toward the bottle every single day. And so I was determined to figure out a way to control or relieve that craving. so went that merry go round of quitting and starting back up. And I ended up getting a DUI during this time, I got an extreme DUI. I blew a point to one
Oh
and that was horrendous. And the shame.
You're lucky to be alive like
Huh?
that. You're lucky to be alive when you're in that ballpark range. You know, you've got lighter fluid in your body.
Literal, lighter, fluid fluid.
Yeah.
And you know what? He had me like Walk the Line and stuff. And I did pretty good. And then he I blew
yeah.
it to the breathalyzer. He's like, Oh, my God, you're way too lucid to have this type of blood alcohol content. Kind of alluding to the fact, like, you have a problem, lady, like
Right.
you're I and not. Yeah. So it was it was awful.
The
And
guy
I was.
who sees this every day,
Literally.
In Tahoe where, you know,everybody was getting like the the motto Tahoe's, you're not a local unless you have a dog, a divorce and a DUI. So, you the know. three
I. D's.
Went to the drunk tank and I was like, I'm done drinking. So I got out a drunk tank. I think I stayed sober for like 60 days. And then, of course, by 60 days, all that shame, all that stuff like starts to wear off. You forget you start missing.
you're cured.
All.
Your care, but you also, like, forget about the pain, right? And so it's like you see all your friends having fun and you're like, You know what? I'm sure it'll be fine. I learned my lesson. I got a DUI. And so, yeah, I went back out and then it was like back right back where I started. A I don't know, I swear, like, some people think they can quit and come back and control it. I think you come back worse, like I really do.
And I came back and it was like like you kind of can control it maybe for like a week or two, and then
Mhm.
it's like, slippery slope. And you're right back where you started. And it was just consequence after consequence after a while. And at one point I woke up out of a blackout and Whole Foods, like after driving drunk.
All.
Day after I already had a DUI on my record, like it was just the worst. First of all, like, who goes to Whole Foods in a blackout like this girl?
What?
What is that? I was literally hovering over the food buffet, so we all know where my mind was at.
Yeah. Everybody knows that the low, low bottom alcoholics end up in a blackout and all. Not a Whole Foods.
Exactly. And yeah, I mean, that it was I like my friends and I laugh about it every time we see a Whole Foods now. But that day I was like, Oh my God. And that was the first day I was like, I just remember being so scared. I was that I would never this was going to be my future. And I was like, How did I get here? Like, how did I get here? I went to like a good college, like I had a decent upbringing,
this and that. You know, you start thinking of all the reasons, like why you shouldn't be the girl who wakes up out of a blackout at a grocery store, you know, and locks her keys in the car and, you know, that was kind of a turning point for me. I decided to finally get help because at this point, I had already tried to quit this, not declaring I never drink again. Then drinking again. I was on the wagon. I was off the wagon. And I'm like, I need help. Like, I just need help. And I knew
that I did. I couldn't do it on my own. I tried books, I tried podcasts, I tried all the things. And not to say that they didn't help, they certainly did. And I do think they led me to being willing to get help. But I had to go into a real meeting and get talk to like real life people and get like one on one mentorship with a sponsor to finally get this thing. And that really I consider to be the beginning of a recovery journey.
I did have another really big relapse after I walked to my first meeting, and that relapse, I mean, I had seven months sober, seven months sober, and I was working really hard on my sobriety during that seven months. Then my friend took her life and I relapsed at her memorial and I woke up out of a blackout in the hospital, all in the hospital. Wow. So like, I went right back out. And worse than ever,
Right.
obviously, I have a lot of grief, so I think that's why I just drink myself into oblivion. But like, I remember being like, woof, I'm an alcoholic. Holy cow. And, you know, I have to say, like I said this on sober motivation, but, you know, it was like a big weight off my chest. The day I admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic, that I had a drinking problem or whatever, just and like I know a lot of people have an issue with the word alcoholic, but for
Yep.
me, like for me to just say, like I'm an alcoholic, like to me, an alcoholic is someone who, like they crave alcohol when they have some they crave more like and that was going to be me no matter what. And I knew
Right.
that. And I was like, just to admit it was like a piano getting lifted off my chest. It felt so good.
Like,
Laura, I totally agree with you. I understand that people identify the way they're going to identify,
Oh,
but for me, the term alcoholic is not stigmatic. To me, it is freeing. It's freeing the same way
oh,
when I say I'm an alcoholic. I know exactly why I have this problem
he
and it answers all my questions. Just saying I'm an alcoholic. All the questions I had about why am I so fucked up? That answers it and makes me feel better. I don't have a problem identifying that way. However you want to identify alcohol free, sober, curious. That's on you. I just don't think it's that big of a deal to use that word. And I like to use that old fashioned alcoholic word because of what it does
contain. I wasn't in the gutter yet, but if I don't do this podcast and go to meetings and connect with guys like Steve, I'm going to end up in the gutter. Maybe not tomorrow, but it'll happen. no question about it. I always talk about and my story is that the breakthrough for me was and I've told this many times is I had a relapse, I had 14 years and again I convinced myself I could drink again. And we
Wow. know that story. And
That's my story is I picked up in October at a sales meeting by December I was drinking alone in my basement again. Right. That's how quickly it turned, right from October to December. And I don't even remember drinking those first couple of weeks. I got back from that business trip so well. But the breakthrough for me was when I had a panic
attack. And it's just like you when you woke up and said, Oh my God, I'm an alcoholic and I had a panic attack and we had a big party at the house and my wife's not now alcoholic and she drinks wine and they open up the fridge and she had two bottles of wine in there. And I had this panic attack. I was about two weeks
newly sober. Right. This is after my relapse, after I came back and I had this thought in my head, I went into the bedroom and I called a couple of people and my wife came and said, What's going on? And I said these words to her. I said, I'm an alcoholic and I don't know how to fix it. That was when For I finally realized, like, I don't know how to fix this, just like you said, like, I need help. I need somebody to show me how I fix this problem that I have and, you know, once I did that, it
wasn't fun after that. But there was a relief. There was a relief. Like, you know, something, Now I can get to work. Now I can do what I need to do, and now I can try try to fix this the best I can. But it is a freeing thing, though. it was so liberating. And, you know, and I agree with you. Like, you can call yourself whatever you want to call yourself.
Yeah?
For me, it was, it was cathartic, really. And just like when people are so relieved to get a diagnosis from like a doctor or like, that's kind of what it was. And yeah, it's like you can finally move forward, right? And it's to me also Oh, like, yeah, it's with yourself yeah. too, like, because I was like, in frickin denial for so long. Like, so yeah, I mean, I went to my first meeting. The meeting was so, like,awkward and weird because, like, they locked the key out, like being,
like, forgot the keys. We had to have it in the sidewalk in front of the building and all this, like, funny stuff was happening. And I remember being like, Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. Like, someone's going to see me here. But I remember just finding so like And. that, seeing like hearing people share their stories, like it was blowing my mind because in this meeting I just remember being like, so taken aback by how raw and vulnerable and real
people were. Like, people were just talking about like the deepest shit and then in the same breath, like, laughing and just like, you could just see the joy in their lives and like, I don't know, for me it just felt like so jarring because I was so used to like, I guess, the fakeness that I was constantly encountering in the real world. And people are always pretending like everything's perfect and you
know how social media is. And then to go to a meeting where people are like, Oh my God, like this is like how I'm struggling or like, this is where I'm at in my recovery. And just being so raw and vulnerable
Mm hmm.
was just so beautiful. It really, like, stunned me, honestly. And even though that meeting was super like, weird with like the key getting lot, like the beginning, the key and it was like everything went wrong. Technically, it was just so magical. And I just kept coming back because I was like, I just saw I wanted what these
people had. I wanted what these people had, and they were like they had come from like the bottom of the bottom lowest of the low to being able to just support each other and laugh and find joy in their lives. And also the other thing that really stunned me was I really liked hearing people like, share about how great their lives were and like, you know, a lot of people would be like, Oh, I got new jobs and cars and have a new family, all this cool stuff in
their life. But when I heard people's stories about like going through tremendous grief or going through like really big trials and tribulations, and then they were still staying sober and
Mm
moving
hmm.
through this like difficult times, the different, difficult phases of their life with such grace. That really blew me away, too. I remember an early recovery because at this time, like I swear, someone would look at me wrong and I would drink over it like Mm
Mm
I
hmm. hmm.
drank over everything, or I got a craving, at least over everything. to me, I remember being like, I want that. I want to be someone who can go through like really hard times in life and like not need to drink over it. And that really inspired me to, in early recovery.
I had this. There's this guy at one of the meetings I go to that he he's something like 40 years sober and he shares all the time my first five years of sobriety. My mother died. My father died. I got a divorce. And then in my last five years of sobriety, two daughters committed suicide. I fell off my motorcycle. I cracked my head open. I ended up in the hospital and I never drank over it.
Mm hmm.
And he has had some horrific stuff happen in his life, in sobriety. And he continued staying sober. And when I hear that message, the first thing is why, if I'm brand new and the second thing is what is it that you have now that that's not pushing you over that would push lesser people? There's something that you now have that replaces alcohol. That is something that you can cope with. And if Tony can do it, anybody can do it.
It's so cool. And you know, the heart's like going through tough times and not wanting to drink over it. I don't know. I like right now, for example, like I lost my job last year. I've been struggling to find a new job. It's been nine months. I'm struggling financially like I've been going through a really rough patch in my
You
life
know,
right now. But for some reason, every time I remember that I'm sober, I'm like, Oh, I
Yeah,
don't know why I get
right.
butterflies in my tummy. I'm so grateful for my sobriety that like, I wouldn't give it up. I'm like, Oh, at least I'm still sober. It's like literally like this, like diamond in my life. And I cherish it so much and like, I wouldn't give it up. I'd rather lose all my jobs and all I would rather all that other stuff happen than me ever drink again. And I'm really grateful for that. You know. Yeah. Amen to that. I agree with
that 100%. And the truth is, right, if you if you start drinking, it's not going to help any of those things, right? It's not going to make you more employable. All right? If
right. you're right. So it's like all of those things. It's like, yeah, at least, you know, you have a fighting chance today, right? You're you're at the best that you can be. You don't have that alcohol problem anymore and you can deal with some of the stuff. There is no question in my life that I could I would give up a lot of things, but I wouldn't give up my sobriety. And I've had that conversation. I've had that conversation with my wife.
not even religious, but I was like, so freaking desperate. And I remember praying and being like, if you help, if you get me sober, I promise I will pay it forward. I promise someday I will pay for it. And I vowed to hopefully pay forward if I got sober, that I would help other people get sober. right? I was so desperate at that point. So anyways, fast forward, I'm going to meetings and I'm in service
and
and I will say that being in service. Wow, like it is such a game changer for your recovery. Like you can be sober and not be in service. And that's like, I don't think it's like critical to staying sober like necessarily. But I do think it really elevates and brings more joy to your recovery.
yes.
It helps you get out of self because like,
Yeah,
that's the thing, like when you're drinking, you're it's like so navel gazing, like you're always like so obsessed with drinking and yourself and your problems and yourself and your shaming me. And it's me and it's my shame and it's alcohol. So it's so nice to just think about something other than yourself. And I thought that was like such a nice aspect of sobriety. It's like, Oh, I finally get out of self and help
other people. And so I, you know, I did meetings and all that for a while, and then I ended up getting super busy and around like a year or two of sobriety getting I got a new job, all this, like really cool stuff started flourishing in my life, obviously all due to my recovery and being
Yeah,
over. But I got so busy I ended up kind of like falling away from the sober community and, you know, I stopped going to meetings and I just stopped focusing on sobriety. And I just kind of got into my, like, new life, new job, new hobbies, so fun, new friends, awesome and around. And it was in 2020. And so I'm like, I think like three years sober or something like that, maybe two and a half. I remember like everything was closed down. COVID was in full,
full like mode. And I remember being like, You know, what I miss is like, I miss sober, like community. It's like, I don't know what it was. I was just sitting there and I just, like, missed it. I don't have a therapist or anything. So it was kind of like the only thing I had for therapy and like, you know, I don't know. And so I decided to try it. And then, you know, we didn't have meetings, so I decided to start like a
sobriety Instagram. And then I also started like getting into Tik talk and I was like, you know, we need more of is like funny videos about sobriety because sobriety tends to be really heavy. And I felt like there needed to be more
right.
levity in this space,
absolutely.
you know? And so I started making funny tiktoks about sobriety and I started my Instagram. And one of the things I wanted to do on Instagram was like, be super real about recovery and talk and talk about stuff that a lot of people won't talk about. So like sex and sobriety and like smoking weed, like, what do you guys think about this? Like all the, like kind of like controversial stuff. I just like, wanted to talk about it, but like, in a safe
space. And so, yeah, and I knew like, being super vulnerable, like, that's what I wanted was a really authentic, vulnerable space. And to be quite honest, I didn't think it was going to grow past 11 or 100 followers. I was like, Ooh, I wonder if I had 100 followers. Like, that'd be really big.
Yeah, right. Mm hmm. Yeah,
But, you know, it was 2020. Everybody was struggling with their drinking.
right,
And I think honestly, that was a big reason why it grew so fast. Tik Tok was
And
it's like I was an early adopter, so I grew really quickly on Tik Tok and that's kind of how it got to be where it is now. And it's honestly been such an amazing
and
like gift in my life. I truly do think Sober Pal helps me stay sober, but not only helps me stay sober, it helps me stay grateful for my sobriety to And it has been such a wonderful journey, being able to meet people through like the retreats and the meet ups and to like now I've made this like, sobriety affirmation card deck, which was like a long term longtime dream of mine. And so it's just been like such a joy and a gift to be involved in the recovery community in this way.
this is a bit of a controversial topic because there are traditions around anonymity and imminent anonymity in even social media. I'm also a firm believer that there has to be role models that you can see out there that are living a sober lifestyle, who are having fun and have the things that you want. It can't just be all
hidden. And especially after COVID, where we embrace this technology, it's more likely than not people are going to find something about recovery, social media or some type of technology.
And
There are people out there. There's so many options now. There are patron groups that you can find recovery. You can go to recovery elevator, which has kind of my monetized an AA type program, and you can get sober with something like that and never walk into AA.
right.
So you have to have people who you see, what are they doing, what are their struggles, warts and all. And maybe I can do this too. So I think it's awesome that you're doing that. Have you gotten any pushback from any old timers
on Tik Tok, I have actually,
really?
yeah, more definitely one Tik Tok than on Instagram. yeah, like
hmm.
on Tik Tok. If I make a Tik Tok related to anything related to AA where I mention AA instead
Right,
of just saying a meeting like back in the day, I would say like here I am at an AA meeting. What? Some of the things I love about AA is like you'll see people of all types in these meetings. It's not just like frumpy, like old folks who are like smoking cigarettes, like it's all types and like it went viral and people were like, Oh, you're breaking tradition and, you know.
And well.
You know, so the program in my community is actually really progressive. And we've talked about this in my meetings and the way we look at it is you choose you make the choice about your own anonymity. You just
right,
don't allow anybody else. And I am super like I am. I make sure I never out other people. I protect other people's anonymity very much and I just choose to not to like, reveal myself. And so I'm not breaking tradition according to like the way we fall in my community. But, you know, I can imagine an old timer from a different area where the program kind of operates differently. They would probably frown upon it.
Yeah. What do you think about that, mister old timer who's got 30
it
years? That's
Yeah,
what I figured.
right. Yeah. It's it's always one of these things. All depends on how you feel about it, right? I mean, there are people, Matt, and I know these people out there who, you know, they they just swear. They swear by the 1930 something language of the big would book not. and and all of the stuff and, listen, I'm a firm believer that if Bill Wilson was alive today, he'd be on TikTok and Instagram. He's trying. I'm
Yeah. serious. He his whole object, you know, objective was to try to reach as many alcoholics as possible. Yeah. Hank would be saying Bill. YouTube shorts is a thing now, Okay. Right. So. So he would be out here trying to anyway. get people right. That that was his goal. So I get it. And people have their own way. Listen, I'm a firm believer in if you don't if you don't keep moving forward, if you don't embrace technology, technology will just leave you behind. And
I love like this you said, lot of Yeah. it took 20, 20. We were all just you know, we were stuck in our houses, Right. So that, you know, being someone young like you, right? Yeah. You know, Matt did his thing and Yeah, getting online, getting, doing, doing the Instagram, doing the tiktoks I mean, for me, Recovery Elevator was like the only podcast when I first got sober. It was the only one out there and it was like the first stepping stone that I took because I was too. I was way too
ashamed to go to a meeting. Are you kidding me? There was no way in hell I was my no meeting back then. I needed something that I could access from the comfort of my home while I was still too ashamed to step
Yep.
out.
Yeah, So. right,
You know, and that's why that's one of the reasons why I really love Instagram and I love, like, what you guys are doing with podcasts. It's like we need to make it accessible for people
And
who maybe aren't quite ready to go to a meeting.
right.
You know, the more the merrier. And I just love the idea of Bill like being on Tik Tok.
Like I
with
do.
that haircut,
I'm not.
it has to. He wouldn't
Yeah,
update the haircut
right. never. Yeah,
he'd be on like that.
yeah, yeah. But Yeah, I'm sure he would. I'm sure he would be. And listen, everybody has their own feeling about it and we know we know people, plenty of people on the other side of that. So I don't I don't fault anybody. You get sober the way you get sober. I know.
I got to know Bill Sheinberg, who wrote the Big giant tome writing the big book, which is this entire tome that he for seven years researched how the big book was written. And he looked over all the original materials. Guys, 78 years. He's been sober for four decades. He's got a YouTube channel.
Yeah.
This old guy, he does like these YouTube videos and stuff where he's he's teaching people and I'm like, You never know. It's some people that some people are more progressive than others. But Bill wrote a book, as far as I'm concerned, because it was the tick tock of the time. Books are just the medium.
Is
Things
That
change, and it was the fastest way to get that message to other people. Tell me a little bit about this Tahoe trip. Your book in the
Oh,
Tahoe for For Sober People
I am.
So I that's where I got sober okay was in Tahoe or that's where I went to my first meeting.
And.
It's funny because after I left Tahoe, I resented Tahoe for so long because I was like, You're the reason I became an alcoholic. Like, there
right.
was just so much resentment
Yeah.
around Tahoe and the Peter Pan lifestyle. And I don't know, it was so weird. And every time I went back to Tahoe, I was so triggered because I moved to Reno shortly after I got sober. But so anyways, now I am doing a Lake Tahoe retreat and it's going to be a retreat for people who are sober. And I'm going to just show them my favorite places in Tahoe and we're going to vibe and connect and have fun adventure and just do it sober.
And really, like my goal with this is to show people that you can connect with other people. You can feel adventurous and alive, and you can do it without alcohol. And I did due to meet ups the last two years. I didn't call them retreats because they weren't for profit. We were like meeting up and splitting the costs. This is the first time I'm actually like organizing the whole thing and like all this and that. So I'm calling a
retreat. But it just was so special the last few years to connect and go to nature and have fun together. And so I'm just so excited to be able to do it in my old hometown. And now I'm like in love with Tahoe again
Nice.
and it's so beautiful and special and magical. So I'm just so excited to host its two weekends, August 4th through six and 11
and
through 13th and yeah, and there's like seven slots per weekend. So they're probably going to go fast. My hope is to eventually like, do fun, like summer camp style retreat someday. But it's a good starting point and I'm really looking forward
All right.
to it. Sounds great. Sounds for me. Sounds like a lot of fun.
Yeah,
so here's the thing as well. If you're thinking of going and you're a creep, she's going to screen you out. There are no creeps allowed at this
Yeah.
retreat
Okay.
because there are people here who are getting over addiction and leave those people alone. There's not going to be any 13 stepping at this retreat. So if you're thinking about that,
I
don't
want to put.
apply.
I'm putting a no creeps aloud button on the landing page. Thanks to you.
Thanks.
Yes. I only saw I think this is great because you again, are this is these things when you're new in sobriety, you need to see that fun is possible.
All right.
This was one of the things that helped me getting sober is I hooked up with people like Steve and I hooked up with people like John, and we went and did sober fun things.
Yeah,
And, you know, we were more obnoxious in restaurants than the people who were drinking. And we were just we were just stacking up bottles of Pellegrino, and that's
yeah,
all we were drinking
yeah,
or Diet Coke.
yeah,
Like, we were wiping the bar out of all of their sparkling water. And they didn't understand why we were the most obnoxious people. And we're sober.
It's so funny. I see. I've had friends and colleagues see videos from past meetups and retreats and stuff, and they're like, Oh my gosh. Like, can I come next time? And I'm like, laughing because it's like, Oh, we're all sober. You know what I mean? It's
right.
like, you can be have such an awesome time and laugh so hard in sobriety. And I agree with you like I was I thought the fun was done when I stopped drinking. I was a party girl. You know what I mean?
Yeah,
But honestly, I think the party is just beginning when you get sober. And it's I've had so much fun in sobriety. I like there are no words. And I just you know, a lot of people, me and they're so scared because they're like, I'm so bored and this and that. And it's like, trust me. Like if you seek it out and you create a life that you love, like you're going to have so much fun and you're you're never going to want to go back to alcohol Like you're
yeah.
like, never.
Ever I always say that you need to find that group of people for you, right? And you
You can tried. find, right? If you find the tribe, your posse, whatever you want to call it. Every time that I sponsor a guy or bring, you know, somebody asked me for a little help, I will bring them to my meetings right? I'll bring them to my meetings. Oh, introduce them to my friend and I'll say, This is how I get and stay sober. These people don't have to be your people. I tell them that like they don't have. But you have to find your people.
Like if you don't find your community then and you're trying to do this solo without a community. And again, you can find that community online, you can find it in Instagram, you can find it somewhat on Tik Tok, you can find it on some of these other, you know, some of the other platforms. But you need a community. You need people to
talk to. Because what I have found that when I tried to do it on my own a little bit like you and I tried to figure out how I got sober and stay sober and not and that doesn't mean not drinking, right? That's the other thing. I was able to not drink for a long time, but there was no so sobriety in my life right? I
is. was not a fun person to be around. I needed to know how to live a free and happy life without alcohol. And that took some work that took some work. And it and it took other people to show me how to do that.
Yeah, I tell people to because, you know, they're like, how long for the cravings of one and way how before you felt joy again how long before X, how long before Y. And I'm like,
Right?
well, tell me how much work you're willing to put in, how
Right.
much work you willing to put in, more work you put in. Now, the
Yeah.
sooner it'll happen for you.
Yeah,
You know, I had to put in so much work on my recovery, and that's what I always tell people to like. There's a difference with like what You were just alluding to. Steve Like I always say, if there's a difference between sobriety and recovery and
right.
one is not drinking and one is like truly healing and finding joy and freedom, you know, for me, I had I literally had a sponsor who was like making me do homework, like pen to paper.
Homework.
That's a good sponsor.
Yeah.
Is great sponsor. Yeah. And I had my sponsors doing hella homework too, like you. And I remember being like, Oh, homework, grumbling, coming home, like, oh my,
All
folks,
right,
like, forced that, right? And then like, I would do the homework and I'd be all pissy and then I'd have a crazy break through and I would just be like, Oh my God, I have this like one crazy breakthrough. I was like, I was on cloud nine after that. And I would it was like that was when I really started to feel a deep, deep change just by doing the work. And like that deep, deep change is like where when the cravings go away because that's when you were like, Oh, I don't want to drink anymore.
It's not that. It's
all
like,
right.
I didn't. I knew I had to quit drinking, but now I just don't want to drink. I don't want it. I'm in love with my new life and you will fall in love with the person you become in recovery. You know, someone you can trust, someone you respect, someone who can, like, go out into the world and be proud of the fact that they don't drink alcohol like. And so, yeah, putting in the work like it was a lot of work, but it was the best work, the wisest investment I've ever made in my entire life.
If you want to find Laura, I'm going to put all the links in the show notes here. You can find her on TikTok and Instagram at your sober pal. I'll also put links to the Tahoe trip. As long as you're not a perv. You're welcome to apply and spend the money to do it. I recommend following Laura. There are real. It's not all fun. And you know, everything is not, you know, sunshine and roses every day on the feed. It's real. Just like it's real in real life. Which is
why I love this feed. And I'm so honored you decided to come on our show tonight. Laura, thank you
Huh.
so much for coming on the Sober Friends podcast.
Thanks for having me. It was a pleasure.
And we'll see everybody
Yeah.
next week. Bye, everybody.