All right, Steve, if your brand new and you're worried about a relapse, one of those things you got to worry about are those caution signs and those red lights that you ignore along the way that either prevent you from getting sober or it keeps you from staying sober. Very rarely does a relapse happen totally out of nowhere, you were minding your own business as you were on your knees praying to your higher power in the middle of a meeting. Doesn't quite happen.
No, not quite.
What's your thoughts there? Because of the two of us, you had the relapse. I did not. And I like to learn from you.
Well, a couple of things about this thing. One is the first time coming through. You know, I look at back and again, this stuff is in hindsight, mostly not all of it. Mostly in hindsight. But I think about all the different signs that I had early on that I had a problem with alcohol that I ignored and kept me out there for such a long time of drinking. and I've, I've talked about it bits and pieces along the way, but never
sort of all in one place. And, you know, and it started with, you know, me getting arrested for DWI at 19 years old. All right. 19 years old. I had a DWI back then. It was called a DWI, not a DUI.
I remember that phraseology because Yeah. I'm getting old to.
so, you know, and again, I mean, this honestly, I told the story, but I got a DWI. They booked me, I called my dad. He came and picked me up and I was probably around probably two, two and a half, maybe 3 hours. By the time he got me. And I was able to leave the precinct. And the thing he said to me on the way home was, You're okay to drive. And I'm like, Yeah. And he dropped me off my car and I drove home. I mean. Right. 19 years old, first DWI. That's
just how I grew up. So, like, even that there was no hint that I had an alcohol problem at that time. Right. If that if that's not I mean, anybody who would get a a DUI today would be a at least a caution sign. Right. Maybe you're at a red light, but at least a caution sign. And the fact that I got it at 19, it had no impact on me. Right? It had
no impact on me. So those are the type of things and I could go through a whole bunch of stuff that there were signs and I kept you know, first of all, I didn't see a bunch of them. I just went right by them. And then even when I saw them, I dismissed them. I dismissed them early on. And then by the time that I saw them and realized that they were true and what they were telling me, I was unable to stop at that point. So that's sort of what I had in mind when we were talking about
the subject. Yeah, And again, when I certainly it's easy for me when I relapse, the biggest, you know, the biggest caution sign me is for me. I stopped doing my program, I stopped going to meetings, I stopped talking to other alcoholics. That was the biggest one. But there are other things, right, for for when I relapse, you know, I started after after many years, too. I started toying with the non alcoholic beers. All right.
So I was I met my wife who was new new to me, and she didn't know anything about my alcoholic history. She knew I was in recovery and we would start. So we had a new set of friends and when they we were good over their house, they knew I wouldn't drink and they would have some old duals for me. Right. And, you know, and I or whatever. And then I would so I would do that, you know, so that, you know. So those were certainly on my relapse. Those
were the signs, Right. No meeting starting a toI starting to go out with everybody, literally go, I'll start going out to bars, drinking, I'll duels with everybody else. Well, drinking like I was like that was just me waiting to relapse. And I didn't notice those signs that that wasn't something I was again, thinking, oh, I'm going to relapse. I was like, No, I'm sort of managing my my alcoholism, managing me, not drinking by drinking this non-alcoholic beer. You know?
I had ordeals a long time ago, and I just remember it being gross. Not Yeah. not at all. A beer like experience.
It ideals wasn't. But there was one out there called Amstel, which was a pretty good beer. There's a couple out there that were pretty good beers when when she started drinking that and I started playing around with it. I started searching for some of those better ones. There were some pretty good good ones out there.
There's So there's yeah. lots out there now. They have they
Nowadays,
have good stuff.
absolutely
I'm I'm not interested in it because
not. I mean,
I want
there
to change my relationship. I want to change my relationship with alcohol, but I want to change my relationship.
was.
The things I drink anyways. I'm not looking for things that have that alcohol feel or taste Yeah, that all, if that makes sense. If it works for me, works for me as a lot of people who do an alcoholic wine or non-alcoholic hard right. liquor, I just don't want to be in that pattern. I want to do something else.
And I think I think a lot of the people who are doing that are people who sort of figured out that they wanted to cut back on alcohol before they had a real problem. Not all of them. I mean, I'm not going to paint with a broad brush, but a lot of them were are were not big time alcoholics. They didn't drink. I don't believe the way I drink at the end, which was just drinking till I passed out every night. And so though the difference right people can use those non alcohol expression now right.
This whole thing of non-alcoholic drinks and and beers and wines out there, just like you said, that people can go out and enjoy just because they want to do less alcohol. Not maybe not do no alcohol, but do less alcohol. But I'm early. Talk about that. I'll give you a few of these things that I went through. But so, you know, I got that DWI when I was 19. Okay. The other things that happened again, and this is a lot of this, you know, could be chalked up to just being young and drinking.
But I talked about I turned 18 when I was in in 1976. Right. 1976 was. So you can figure out how old I am if you want to do that math. But 1976 was our bicentennial, and for our bicentennial, me and the guys, I was hanging out with a couple of the guys. We we decided to celebrate the bicentennial by drinking 1976 beers right throughout
How
the year
many guys,
to two other guys, three of us
how
right
over what period of time?
up until the 4th of July. So for six months, right? Six
Oh.
months. So 1976, we were drinking Michelob at the time and we literally would save the caps. That's how we counted. We drink a michelob and we bought Michelob and we would save all the cups and we, we we did that easily. We did that easily, right, because we drank all the time. We and that was our that was our senior high school. I was drinking before school. And again, none of this mattered.
Like I would drink before school, I would drink after school, I would drink all the time, never thinking that there was a problem. Just that's how I drank and I didn't have to drink back then. That wasn't like I would, had I. You know, that was young drinking. I drank, and if I didn't drink, that was fine. But but I think in hindsight, if I, you know, my kids told me, hey, for this year, for 2020, I'm going to try to drink 20, 20 beers, I would say you may want
to rethink that. Like you may yeah, you you may want to think about your goals and stuff. Yeah. Another thing that came up for me early on and I've talked about this before, but I went back to school when I was married and I had just got married and was going to night school actually. And then I went back to school full time and I took a job in a, a semiconductor plant here here in Connecticut where we live. And this plant manufactures semiconductors. And they used a lot of chemicals and
toxic gases and stuff. So there's a lot of safety protocols around this whole thing. And when I started this, it was like an internship, paid internship. They had a health fair going on. Now, when I was in school, I didn't drink. It was one of the times before I had a drink all the time I had a problem. In hindsight, I know I had a problem by then, and it became clear to me within a year or two that I had a problem, but I was not drinking much. I don't drink very little at this time.
And I took this health fair. All the tests that they did, it was a mobile thing, breathing bloodwork, everything, all this kind of stuff. And one of the things they they ask you about lifestyle and I don't remember what the questions were, but when I got back the results here in this page, which was probably, I don't know, 6 to 10 pages long, all different types of stuff on it. One of the things that said to me was you may have a problem
Hmm.
with alcohol.
Hmm. Hmm hmm hmm hmm.
And I went, Huh, that's great. I don't I'm not even I don't even drink. Like right at the moment. I wasn't drinking. I'm like, Oh, that's kind of strange. I never forgot it,
I
but
wouldn't
you,
have
right? You may have a problem with alcohol. So I guess whatever the questions were, I answered them honestly and it just began. So that stuck in my mind. I always remembered that. And that was one of those caution signs, right? That was one of those caution signs. I was in my late twenties by that time. Okay. And that was the beginning. Like, that's when I started inching that road to problem drinking, even though I was not drinking at that moment.
You know, I was I knew that there was a problem coming up. That problem came very clear to me within a year. Yeah, about a year or so. And that was I was finishing up that, that, that schooling. And again, I may have mentioned this before, but I was doing really well in that class.
I was third in that class and all the guys were going out party and they were younger than I was and I always stayed away from I was married, I'd never went out with them partying, but I decided at this time to go out and party with them on Christmas break. We had one semester left and I went out and we drank and that whole next semester I drank, which was unusual for me while I was in school. I drank that whole semester and I went from third to 10th in my class, you know, So. So that's a pretty
good double and huge class. You know, that was the first time I realized that when I picked up a drink and I started drinking that I had trouble stopping. That was the first time I realized that. And again, it was a caution flag that might have been, you know, I was like, huh? But then I went on to University of Connecticut for my bachelors, and again, I didn't drink because it was a very difficult school for me. So but that same pattern happened when I got to the end, when I knew I was going
to graduate. I started that cycle over. So those are the type of things that I saw in my drinking that had I stopped, I could have said myself a lot of pain. I could have saved myself a divorce, a broken marriage, all kinds of really, really bad behaviors. But I didn't. And that's what I, you know, sort of what I want to talk about tonight.
I heard a red flag behavior that you didn't speak of because you went to Yukon. And it was hard. You didn't drink. So if you're in a position where you know what? I'm not going to drink because of this situation, because I need all my mental faculties. That's the sign of a problem. Yeah. My wife is going to have a red flag for her drinking because she doesn't want to have a headache later when she has half a glass of wine. Yeah, right. That's a that's a mild red flag. Yeah,
I'm thinking of it. But, you know, I'm not going to if I'm feeling I'm just going to put it down and I'll be fine. I've been in those situations where I'm going out in public. There might be work people around. I don't know if I trust myself. I'm going to choose not to drink in this situation, so I don't make an ass of myself. And I could tell myself that's a sign that I don't have a problem.
But if you're doing that, there actually is a sign that you have a problem, that if you have to feel like I have to be on my best behavior and not have any alcohol because I'm afraid of what's going to happen. It's a red flag. If you're brand new or you're considering having a problem here, here's going to be the flaw. And you listening to what we're going to say, because this is what I did, I discounted all these red flags. Oh, I got a DUI. People get a DUI. The blood
alcohol rate is ridiculous. Now at 0.8. Somebody told me to stop drinking or I got a medical thing. Well, the doctors tell you you can't eat any sugar and you can't eat any fat and you have to eat all vegetables. So the threshold and everything is so low across the board and you got to have 45 minutes of strenuous exercise. right, Who can really do that? You shouldn't drink more than a few drinks a day. Well, who can really do that? I would caution you that we're not
overexaggerating this stuff. And I want you to think about. Think about the people who don't ever drink and don't have a problem. Do they worry about these things? And if you're different, that's a red flag. I got another one. Red flag? You've gone and Googled the alcoholic tests to see if you're an alcoholic. right, You know how many times my wife has done that? Zero times. right. Because she doesn't have a problem. No, I agree.
No, my wife too. I agree that not I you know, that's the first thing we talk about in our meetings all the time. Yeah. If you're thinking about that, if you're thinking about why I should take this test, then you already probably have a problem. And I think it was mentioned last night, if I'm not mistaken, at our meeting. You know, we're talking about managing our drinking and we've talked about it before, like, oh, I'm not going to drink at this party because, you know, I mentioned
it last night. I think I always had this public face I had to put on. So I always was managing my alcohol, drinking when I was out in public, amongst family and friends and stuff like that. I mean, I they were very close to me. And then, you know, I would drink the way I wanted to drink, but, you know, and somebody said, you know, just the fact that, like you said, that I had to think about that
and manage that. I had to think about, oh, I better manage the way I behave and drink at this social gathering so I don't make a fool of myself. Yeah, that's a big red flag. That's that's a stop sign. Like, whoa, what's going on here? Right? And it's easy for us to discount it. And I love the way you put it that, you know, we can make it sound like, Oh, no, I'm being responsible. I'm going, right? I'm going to go out in public and I'm going to be responsible and not overdo it. But I really
would question yourself. And it's hard, right, that that that inventory that we take of ourselves when we're in this 12 step program in AA, that's a that's a difficult inventory that requires a lot of honesty. Right. And one of the things I think we all struggle with is the honesty of looking at ourself. Some of us struggle, and it's very hard for us to really be honest that, yeah, maybe we have a problem. I'll give you another one. And this this is one of the ones that hit me.
This was one of the ones I knew I had a problem. And I've mentioned it. I know I've mentioned this before on this podcast, but I'm a big blood donor still today. I'm a big blood donor. And and I've given blood since I went to the high school. I get first time I and I've told the story the first time I ever gave blood. I gave blood in high school. I forgot to get my parents to sign the
note, which was fine. They would have signed it and some girl at high school signed it because if I gave blood, I could get out early and me and about three other guys decided we were going to give blood and then go out and drink because we'd be able to get a little buzz faster. Right? We got a pint of blood, so I'll be able to get a faster buzz by drinking. And I've given blood my whole my whole life ever since that. Well, when I really started having a
problem, I gave blood. One night I had been drinking, I was working, I was working at a town about 50 miles away from home. I gave blood down in the area, so I was down there. It gave me a it gave me a reason to sort of hang out down there. And I started drinking before I got there. And I got there and I
gave blood. And about three or four weeks, five weeks later, whatever it was, a letter showed up from the local Red Cross who collected the blood where we are, and they said my liver enzymes were high and that they would no longer accept my blood. Right. Because my drinking had started to take its toll on my liver. Now, that was a huge red flag. That was a huge like, Yo, you better start, you know. And I totally I knew that was a problem and I totally ignored
that completely. And I ignored it because I didn't think I could do anything about it. I wanted to. But at that point I didn't feel like I could. I didn't feel like I had anything, any choice but to keep drinking.
Here's why I ignored those things. And as I'm thinking around the mindset of why I ignored the red flags, it was the same feeling I had on 911 when I watched the second plane go into the World Trade Center. When I saw the second plane go into the World Trade Trade Center, my first thought was, This is so freaky that there were two plane crashes into these buildings on the same day MM. that it's coincidental because in my mind, if it was real, then the world is going to
change. And maybe I have to do something. Same thing with alcohol. If I have a problem, there are some things that are going to have to change in my life in ways that I can't imagine today, and that is too much for me to absorb. So it's a lot easier to go into denial. And the stopping of drinking means my life is going to be over. There will be no more fun, I won't progress. Maybe I'm never going to get a girlfriend or a wife. I'm going to be living alone and life is going
to stop. That's really what's going through my head. If I have to stop drinking now, the opposite is true, but I can think through those things. I had a hell of a red flag in college that we went out pledging a fraternity. They bought me a bunch of drinks and the next thing I know, I'm waking up and I look over and I've got a drip in my arm and my white shirt is totally filthy. And I was in the hospital. I got alcohol poisoning. Oh, That didn't stop me. I should just yeah,
stop right there. Yeah, I mean, it could get away from you, but, you know, alcohol poisoning, you got to drink a lot to get to that point. And if you get past the alcohol poisoning and you continue to drink, Yeah, that's the stupidity that you're playing with fire. And people knew me because I ended up in the hospital. I thought it was like a little mini celebrity. yeah. A totally the wrong view of this.
No, my, my. You know, I. Listen, there are some funny stories sometime associated with events, and I still know the guys who I hung out with when I got the DWI. And there's a funny story attached to it, and it's funny. It still is funny today. But, you know, again, in hindsight, it's totally different. But we were all drinking after a stag party. Everybody was drinking and and turns out that I was somebody I was following a guy who's bringing another drunk guy home.
And when he saw me get pulled over, he went back to his apartment and they all came to the police precinct to try to get me out of there. And it's a funny story, right? But, you know, like you said, we I tell that story and I feel like just like you, I feel like this mini celebrity, right? Oh, yeah. I remember when you guys came, you tried to bust me out of jail. All right? That kind of talk, you know, And we laugh about it still today, but it's serious.
You know, if if that's something that was happening to me again, if I look at my kids, if that was something that was happening to my kids, then I would really I'd be concerned. You know, I wasn't concerned about myself back then. And and that's easy today, right? I mean, I have I have children today. And I remember, you know, I started drinking early, like many of us did. I started drinking at 13, 14. You know, certainly by 15, I was smoking pot and stuff like
that. And I looked as my kids went through those ages, I can remember watching my kids at 13 and 14 thinking, Oh my God, I know my kids weren't drinking at 13 or 14. I mean, they but just how young they were. And so, you know, again, those are things that we can talk about is the way I was. I saw on a Facebook post today, somebody said that somebody in the local, local town that I live in, that somebody offered their 12 year old son some pot. And I
Oh,
thought, yeah, I just thought, yeah, that's just the way it is, right? I mean, yeah, your 12 year old son, your 13 year old son, your 14 year old son, they're going to be offered pot, they're going to be offered alcohol, they're going to be offered a drugs and that and that. It's really hard. It's a really touchy thing. I remember sitting out my kids and telling them at that age like, listen, you're going to be offered some stuff. You're going to be have to make some decisions that I
can't help you make. But again, I can look at those things in hindsight, certainly as a, you know, 12, 13, 14, 15 year old. I couldn't figure it out. But when I if I started to put all the pieces together, by the time I was 19 and got a DWI, you know, maybe, maybe I should have. And I had listen, I had a you know, my father didn't do it. No. Did it for me. My grandfather, I remember going to my grandfather's, who's the one who got me a lawyer who, you know,
went to court with me. And I can remember my grandfather cautioning me about my drinking. My father never did because my father drank, too, I think. And I think my grandfather probably had some problems with alcohol. I don't think he ever was called an alcohol like, but I think he probably drank heavily at one point in his life. So he knew the dangers. And I remember him sitting down with me trying to counsel me, like, be careful with this. You know, be careful
with this. And I remember an aunt and uncle, too, and their son came home, who was one of my party buddies, bouncing off the walls, screaming at us like, what are you guys doing out
yeah.
there? Right. All of these all of these sides, you know, And that was I was probably, you know, late teens, early twenties at that point, but kept ignoring them, kept ignoring them. And then, you know, I drank until I was 38 the first time through. Right. 37, 37. I was 37. I came in and so, yeah, from from the mid to late twenties, the 37 man, I did a lot of damage in those times. Yeah. Those years.
If you've been cut off, that's probably a sign that you might have a problem. People who don't have a problem don't go through situations where they're somewhere at home and their spouse goes, You know what? No more. You're done. You're cut Yeah. off. I've been cut off before by my wife, and she didn't Yeah. know I had a problem. She said, I've never cut my wife off. Ever, Right. ever. I've seen her drunk maybe a handful of times in the 20 years that I've known her.
Maybe she's gotten tipsy. I can't remember a time where she was so sick that she was throwing up. So she's never been cut off. But I've been cut off by Yeah people before who weren't even saying I have a problem. It's like, No, you got to stop. You're driving right, home now. You got to stop. Yeah, Little things like that. And you may think, oh, you know, that person's just being they're overreacting. People who don't have drinking problems know how
to stop. And if yeah, you have to be told to stop, maybe you need to give some thought to that. yeah.
It's funny you brought it back a memory to me. We were, we were at, we were at a relative's house for Thanksgiving. We went there every year for Thanksgiving and my brothers and sisters or one of my brothers and my sister. So there are three of us and maybe other people, but certainly three of us were watching a football game and we had a handle of vodka in there with us. And we were we
were hitting it pretty hard. And my uncle at the time, who I didn't know, I found out later that he was 30 years sober and they I found I found this out, man, a long time. I didn't I never knew it came in there and really pissed off and took the bottle away from us. Right? Like you guys, like we were loud. We were having a good time. And I can remember, like, what? What the fuck is he doing? You know,
I take away our alcohol. Yeah, but like you said, I mean, I had forgotten all about that memory until you just mentioned being cut off, you know, And I've been cut off to like, Oh, you've had enough. Or I can remember I would go to, you
And.
know, Maine, my first my first time in AA, there was an event intervention done on me while we were on vacation up in Maine at a family cottage. And and I can remember them putting the booze away like everybody would have a couple of drinks. There was a happy hour around 5:00. Everybody would have a couple drinks, you know, and I would have a lot of I would have
as many as I can. And I can remember them like putting the booze away and and and and I realize now they're putting away because they don't want me to drink more, you know, like they they could all have two or three drinks or whatever it was. And if they wanted to have four drinks one night, God bless them. But mostly most of them had, you know, two drinks, maybe three drinks. I was in, I was in there. Pour me drink after drink. Oh, uncle, freshen up the drinks for everybody. And while
Yeah,
I was in the kitchen,
yeah.
you know.
There we go.
Yeah, I was in the kitchen. Take a couple shots off the off the handle while they were making drinks for everybody else. You know, Crazy, crazy, crazy stuff.
My mother in law used to, like, drink, drink this drink. Seagram's seven and seven, Yeah. and my father in law at one point got really pissed and he would replace the Seagram's seven with a cheaper generic liquid Yeah, because he drank it. You drank too much of that. So I'm going to buy the cheaper right. stuff. That's. That's probably the sign of a problem. If Yeah, the person buying your stuff says we're not getting the good stuff anymore because you go through it too fast and it's
too expensive. She she never found recovery or anything before she died. But I always remember that that he refused to buy the Seagram's seven anymore because she went through it too fast and it wasn't like a little cup. It was one of those big, tall, old plastic cups, like almost like these Tupperware type old school glasses that are yeah. 24 ounces,
Yeah,
a big cup that she'd have before she went to bed. She'd just
yeah,
have one.
yeah,
Half the bottle was in there.
right. It's it's funny. I remember being out with some friends, really good friends at the time, and. And there one of their brother in law was married to, you know, one of the one of the people's sister. I remember being over. They were going like, on a haunted hayride or something, and they had a bottle of wine and wherever we were they didn't have wine glasses.
So the brother in law, who I ended up finding out had before I had a problem, you know, before I recognized I had a problem and I went to get help. He had a problem. And they said, I don't know if he ever went to AA. I lost I lost contact with the people. But he brings out water, glasses and he's like, Hey, this work, I'm like, That works for me. So yeah, fill up the water glass with wine, like literally like a 12 ounce water
glass, you know? And, and I remember, you know, all the people around us saying, you know, they're not drinking like that. But he and I were drinking like that. You know, we we were drinking as much as we could
I struggle with drinking out of anything but a proper wine glass,
do. Yeah.
because if I was drinking out of, like, a regular glass, I'd have a problem. And Yeah. if I was drinking out of a tuned crystal glass, Right. then I didn't have a problem.
Sophisticated.
I was Yeah. I was very sophisticated Yeah, because I drank Cabernet and a Cabernet glass. right.
Right. Not just any glass, right?
No, no,
Yeah.
no. It's a cabernet glass. Right. And I knew enough that you don't fill the whole glass up. You fill a quarter of the way so that Yeah, it has room to breathe and it lands on your tongue the right way, yeah. which is why I had to keep filling it up. All right. Wasn' that I was drinking a lot of it. I was drinking very little, just a lot of little glasses.
Yeah. One of the times when I relapsed, one of the signs It's funny that you were talking about this is, um. You know, it was 14 years, and life had changed for you, so. And I relapsed. I had more money available to me, and I was always. I drank cheap, cheap booze and cheap beer. Right. And I, again, I've told the story, but this was what I knew I was. I mean it. This was when I knew I was in real trouble. And this was December. This was around Christmas time. I relapsed in
October. And this was Christmas time. So not even maybe three months into my relapse. But I went out and bought a really nice bottle of tequila, cost me like 90 bucks at the time. And that was a lot of money for, you know, for a bottle of tequila at the time. And it was and it was a small bottle, right? I mean, we're talking a small bottle tequila for about 90 bucks. It
wasn't a handle or anything. And I remember going trying to be sophisticated with it as a as I'm drinking it in my basement where nobody can see me. Right. I'm trying to with the investigators. And I sucked that thing down like it was a $12 bottle of Cuervo, you know?
Well, I would
And
drink
I realized
it.
like, oh,
I
it
would drink it alone, too, because I didn't have sophisticated friends who could enjoy it and understand the sophistication of a $90 bottle of tequila
right.
the way I do. So I have no other choice Well. but to drink it by myself.
It
That's
well.
another huge Yeah, red flag right. if you're drinking alone. And I struggle with this that. How could you say that I have a problem if I'm drinking alone? And I really struggle that because I drank alone all the time, there's nobody else to drink with me. So when am I going to be able to drink if I don't drink alone? If you're drinking by yourself, if that's probably a problem,
It's
especially if it's significant.
yeah, it's certainly a caution sign, right. It's like I said to stop signs or red flags. And the yellow sign yellow flags are caution signs, right. If you're drinking alone, if you do a most of your drinking alone, it is absolutely be a caution sign. It is absolutely something that you should pay attention to and just just think about. And the easy thing to do is not
drink and see how you feel. And if you feel like, oh man, I feel like I need a drink or really, really want a drink or crave a drink, you may want to, you know, think about checking out that, you know, those 20 questions that we talk about and maybe seeing if you actually have a problem.
Yeah, those 20 questions are great because they. They are a low level. I think one of them is that anybody is anybody concerned that you have a problem. Yeah, And if you look at the back of the book, when you go through the key, it's not like one of those like if you have 18 or more, it's a problem. If it's Yeah, like 15 to right, 17, you may it's like if you answered one of the 20, you may have a problem. right, So you're done at one or two. yeah, yeah.
And three or four. Yeah. You definitely have a problem. Yeah. And there are simple things like, have you ever missed work because you drink too much, right? Simple questions that you know, you don't think about.I certainly, you know, who amongst us have been woken up and feeling shitty after drinking and took a day off? You know
I went to work hungover
me
and
to.
it was almost in a way to torture myself. I would get through and I wouldn't complain about Throbbing headache I have because I did this to myself and I deserve to be in pain and I'm going to go to work like this. Yeah, And it's just what I have to expect of myself if I'm going to do this. yeah, I was almost self-flagellating yeah.
No, I. You know, I never wanted to get the money. I always wanted I always wanted to go to work. I always said it. This followed me. Even when I stopped drinking. I wanted to go to work sick because I want to take my days off. And I was healthy,
Yes,
you know? You know, I didn't want to be home sick. I only had so many days that I could take off. And it's like now I'd had my wife. She said, Oh, you should stay home. You're sick. I'm like, I don't want to stay home when I'm sick. I stay home when I'm on. I'm feeling good. When I could do something and I could have some fun. That's what I want to stay home. And I did that for years and years. I went to bed, you know,
and I shouldn't have. And nowadays you have a tendency to stay home if you if you have to go in because of all the different stuff we went through.
I, I don't go. I work from home.
Right.
But
Me
if I'm
too.
not feeling well, if I can't do the job the way I want to do it, I don't go to work. I Yeah, call out because I want I want to set an example for my people that if you can't if you can't do what the job demands because you're not, well, then don't do it. If you're not right. going to if you're not going to be mentally there, don't do it. And I have a lot of demands on me and if I can't do all of those things and feel good about it, then I'm not
going to show up. I'm going to take that day so that this doesn't linger. I hope this gives you some food for thought. One, if you're an old timer and you've been around the block a few times, I hope this gives you a smile of that. Me up. I did that. Yup. I can remember that or feel those times. Like I had all those warning signs and I ignored them as we're talking through them. Like I could have nipped this in the bud at 18 Mm. and had 20 years where I wasn't miserable.
I And yet I didn't because the pain of that was less than the pain of continuing. And if you're brand new and you think you might be overreacting, these are things that probably you have that I don't care whether you feel your overreact, acting or not, you're in the right place. If you're questioning your drinking and you're listening to this, listen to some more episodes. Call someone there or there are 12 step programs there. Smart recovery. There's all types of things out
there. Give it a shot and see what you identify with because you don't have to live like this. And life can be incredibly better than it is today. Giving up alcohol. It's not like your life is going to be awful. That's what I thought. Now your life is going to be better than you could ever imagine because you gave up this one thing and you can yeah. live free. Steve, thanks for coming and talking through this.
You're welcome at Great to see you. See you tomorrow night.
Absolutely. And we'll see you next week. Bye, everybody.