Here's one for you, Steve. When I first got into recovery, one of those things that I always wanted to know that I didn't anticipate. How is my family going to react when I decided to get sober, more particularly the time demands on getting sober? And that took a long time.
It's different for everybody, right? I mean, it all depends on what you're coming in from. You know, I have a perspective that's actually two perspectives, because I came in once and I came in with two different relationships. So and they are both very, very different.
So that's very interesting because I think your kids were much younger the first time.
Yeah.
Much older the second time with a different wife.
Right. in the you know, the way I came in was different. You know, like when I came in the first time, I was really, really beaten down, had gone through a fairly long stretch of really heavy alcoholic type drinking and was really just, just beaten down. And it was pretty obvious to everyone around me and in me by that point that I had a problem. the second time when I relapsed, I it didn't that didn't last long. I wasn't abusing alcohol in the volume that I was the first time.
It was still very problematic. There was no problem, no question about that. And I got back a lot sooner before I before damage was done. Right. But very different dynamics. There are very different dynamics.
Yeah.
because, number one, my first wife knew I was drinking, maybe not so much, and she had seen the progress. And my second wife, my current wife, sort of married me in what she would thought was some type of sobriety, you know, and didn't know I relapsed and all that stuff. So very different things. And you're right, It's still an
issue today for me. last week of every night I was out every night, five Monday through Friday, I was out for an AA function and my wife, she notices that, you know, she notices that and she questions that. And I tell her, well, if she knows, it's not typically like that. But last week it was it was just one of those weeks.
I remember when I first got sober and I hadn't anticipated this. When I first got sober, I was like going to one meeting a week, then two, then three. I didn't do the 90 and 90. I kind of slowly ramped up probably over about a month or two month period of time. But when I hit my stride, it was five or six meetings, a week, and I had a newborn and a two year old and an eight year old. Right.
Yeah,
I think they think those were the ages.
I had a, you know, first time in I had a five year old and two year old. So yeah, very, very different times than when I came in last time. So when I came in the next time, 2010, my kids were 20 and 17. Right. Very different stuff. And plus they weren't living with me, right? They were both older and so they weren't around for the whole thing. So very different. But take it back to your point, the time requirements and again, this is all different for
everybody. How much time you need, how many you know, how many meetings you're going to go to. both times. I'll tell you this much. Both times when I came in early on, it was easily four or five meetings a week for me, easily because I needed to do that. I needed to do that big time. Part of the time when I came in the second time, I needed to do it because I didn't want to be home. My wife didn't want me home. We were we weren't
getting along really well. She was pretty disgusted with me relapsing and all that and all the problems. And it was just better for our relationship really was better that we'd be separated, work all day, she'd be at her job, I'd be at my job. And when I came home, I'd go to a meeting. So we spent very little time together as I went through and did what I needed to do, which was partly, you know, we hear about it doing a living amends, right? So I needed to
earn some trust back. And, let her know, and she didn't care at that point. She didn't care if I was out every night. And now she does, Right. Which is a nice problem to have. She'd rather have me around But she understands that I have some obligations and she certainly knows this. This is one of them. She knows. But this is an easy one, right? I mean, this is I just go down to to the office. We do this and then it's still early enough that I can spend
time with her tonight. We're going to watch a show or something. So it's not that big of a deal.
remember my wife being not happy with me and there were periods of time where she was tolerant, tolerant, pissed off, tolerant, tolerant, pissed off. And I was terrified of those periods of time also going on at the same time, she had not really gotten over her mother's passing. right, She or her mother had passed a couple of years prior and she just never dealt with it. Right. So she had her own level of anxiety and Yeah,
issues. And I will tell you, in conjunction with my wife, going into therapy for a little bit finding some medication that fix things pretty quickly, it was around that time, but I think it was coincidental. But before that, I mean, there were times that I went out to a meeting and I was terrified of how she would react. By the time I got home, terrified.
there's no question about it. And again, you know, I guess I'll just separate it out cause I really think this impacts me more now than it did the first time When I came in the first time, I think my wife was so relieved that I was getting help, Right? So she didn't care even though she had young kids. Yeah. The truth is helped out with my kids, but I think the first time in my wife was used to, you know,
we read about it. My wife was used to doing most of the stuff, right, because I was not capable of doing them. I oh, you know, I would help out. I would do the best I could, and then I would go disappear, do my drinking. You know, once the kids were down, my kids were pretty much scheduled kids. So when I came in, all my early years of drinking, the first time in the in the early nineties, you know,
00, whatever. I would have a reason to go to the basement. I was doing some computer work and stuff like that, and I'd have a reason to go down there and drink and that's why I did. I talk about all the time You don't make my idea of drinking was go to the basement and drink alone. and I would have a reason to do that. So my wife was, you know, my first wife was used to doing a lot of that work, and she was just grateful to have me
back. Now, one of the problems was when I first came in is I didn't do meetings for that long. Right? That was one of the things. So first three years I probably did a bunch of meetings and actually by the time I got to year three, I was already slacking off on my meetings. So it was never a big problem this time. Right now I'm 12 years into this round and I do meetings right, which is has been helpful. And even my wife will say it's helpful. this time around I've done did five AA
functions last week, right? 12 years in almost 13 years then. that's the difference. And for me, that's a difference of the quality of my program. But it takes an impact. You know, has an impact, especially if you're both working right. You have young kids. You have young kids at home, right? Your life is busy. You know, I don't you know, my kids are older right now. I'm older, so my wife's retired. I'm
sort of semi-retired. So we have a lot of time during the day that and this is the same thing we discuss all the time is this My wife gets uncomfortable with me being out. I always tell her, Look, I'm home all day. Do something you want to do. We can do it during the day where we couldn't do that earlier when we were both working. And, you know, we were both out of the house for eight or 9 hours during the day
I work from home now and so does my for the most part. My wife works from home. She goes in for big meetings and stuff and she does some travel. But for the most part, we're both at home. When I was working in an office, there were times I would drive directly to a meeting Yeah, from the office. So I'm not getting home until right.
00. Yeah, Yeah.
that takes a toll. And like, get it. We always talk about it and, and you need to do it if you know if you need to do it, if you need to do it, that's for sure. but you need to put in some time and that that does take a toll on whoever's home. I'm not only, you know, not only your wife, but your kids. Do your kids want your home typically. and just having mom around, it's it's a stressful situation. I've done that many times. You know, I was in a yeah
I've talked about it. I was in a pretty high pressure high high pressure sales job that required me to work long hours, long hours. I always found the easier to do it in an office does before again, this is before I had the room to have a home office, you know, if I worked from home in the past. And during that time, I was literally at the kitchen table working from home,
Right
whereas once my kids were out of the house and they weren't coming around and we had an extra bedroom, I was able to finally, you know, when I started to work from home, regularly set up an office in one of the extra bedrooms. so, you know, a lot of that time I do the same thing. Like I often I often went from work. Yeah, I'd leave for work at 7:00 in the morning. My wife would be gone and knock at home. My wife would she was an early bed
person. My wife would be in bed and we wouldn't see each other. You know, she'd be in bed by the time I got home.
now, my wife would be in bed times.
If I got home at 830, 9:00. Absolutely. My wife was in bed,
I'm trying to remember how long that period of time was where there was a lot of home resistance to going to meetings. And I think it was two years, three years. Yeah, easily, but it felt like the longest damn two years ever. And it just felt like she's never going to go for this. I'm going to have to deal with this and I'm going to have to ride the wave and pick and choose meetings and ask for forgiveness, not permission for the rest of my life. And that was very stressful,
It is very stressful talked about on this podcast, if you listen to this podcast regularly, you will have heard me say several times that when I came into the when I came back to the program, this time I wasn't sure that my marriage was going to make it. You know, I wasn't sure. And not all marriages make it even in recovery, Right? This is the point. Even in recovery, not all marriages make it.
right
You know, one of the things we we read the family afterword in in the big book last night it talks one of the parts I share it on was it talks about the cessation of drinking. Stopping drinking is but the beginning of the the recovery period. Right. It's the beginning. And that, I think, is a hard thing for a lot of people is they think, oh, I'm sober now,
I'm not drinking now. I know it was for me again, if you listen to my story, you know, I really thought when I came in the first time, okay, I stopped drinking. Everything's better, which is why I stopped going to meetings, because I actually thought, like, Oh, that's what I came here for. I came here to stop drinking. I stopped drinking. Let me go up and go on with my life. It was a big mistake for me, but it is just a beginning. And not every marriage will survive it. That's.
That's the truth. Because there's a lot of requirements for many of us, not for all of us, for many of us to be able to, to find some. We talk about balance. Balance is a weird word. balance. You can't always have balance. Sometimes you need program, and sometimes that program has to be, you know, in the forefront. And sometimes you need family time in some. So you got to work on that.
in the beginning. There really is not much balance.
Now.
You and this was part of my problem that got me in the situation. Anything I get involved in, I have to be the best at it. So if I was going to jump into AA, I was going to be the best new guy in a ever. I was going to race through the steps as fast as possible and nail them like it was a test that I was going to have this completely figured out and I was going to be performing at an exceptional level as a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous. It doesn't quite work that way, but it forced me to volunteer for service positions and doing extra things and going out to speaker meetings to see people and support them of doing all this extra stuff that if the phone rang, Hey, you want to join us with something? Yeah, I said yes, every single time. And there were times I just dropped everything and left and it can sound like I'm pissing and moaning about, Oh boo hoo, Me, I had a hard time here. Now it's
not boo hoo. Me I got myself in the position of becoming an alcoholic and needing to treat it. And therefore there are some things that happen that you have to finesse. And it's very understandable that a spouse or people in the house look to you and say, you know, why are you leaving? You shouldn't drink, you shouldn't over drink. And it should just be that you shouldn't act like a jerk and
you shouldn't drink, period. It shouldn't it should not require an investment of time for you to do that, which I agree with that. But that's not my reality.
never found it. Listen, you came in. One of the things I've always admired about you is you did come in and you came in very strong into this program and you did a lot of stuff. Listen, you were. I just signed up to be a GSR. It's the first district level thing I've ever done. It's just. Has it been something now that you were treasurer for, for district, Right. For how long?
I was a trout, so I had a two year commitment. I think it was four years,
Okay. Right.
but I
So
was an alternate GSR. I think within my first year I wasn't even a year sober. I was an alternate GSR
right.
that first year, then I was a GSR, Yeah. and as soon as that ended, I became the treasurer.
So you immediately got into some of the service stuff I've always done, meeting level group level service stuff, done a lot of that, always chaired, always met coffee and all that kind of stuff. And I enjoyed doing that. I enjoy being impact on the groups that I belong to. one of the reasons why I've stayed away from some of that more district stuff is because I am drawn to that kind of stuff.
And I was always afraid that if I got involved with there, I'd get involved with more and they would take me out of the house more. Right? Because not only can you be can I be a GSR, which is what I am now, then I could get on one of the committees, right. Which now is like, okay, it's a meeting a month, then it's a meeting a month, plus your committee meeting a month, plus another meeting, you know. So next thing you know now you're going to four meetings a month on top of your AA meetings.
So I've been I've been reluctant to do that. But I did feel like I needed to do something. I needed to give back to this program that has given me so much. So this year I became a GSR. Maybe I'll do something in the future, but right now that's good enough for me.
If there's one thing that's helped keep me sober and enhance my sobriety, it's the service work I've done. What's great, even at a local level, whether it's there's a lot of times on the ride to the Monday night meeting, I piss and moan in my head that I got to run the Zoom meeting because last month I just chaired right, I think about it this way. I'm there to help other people. I go back and forth. I'm like, Oh, why do I have to do this? I
got to stand. I would, you know, once in a while I would just like to go to the meeting and just sit in veg.
Yeah. Tell
Why
me about
can't
it.
I just be a participant?
Tell me about
But
it.
I don't have that skill set. I have the skill set to do some of these things. I should be utilized that way to give back,
I was just talking about it. Mike French might come over last night. There was a small meeting and he says, Oh, we should talk about Dave. Dave B you know, maybe, maybe doing his job and Charlie on a different night rather than a monday night. He seems to take a few guys from our meeting. And I said, Well, De Beers move in pretty soon, so he won't
huh?
have that problem. but I said, Listen, I've been doing I've been doing the zoom and that meeting for it since the pandemic three years. And and God knows I'd love to go there some night and just sit back and be and do nothing and do nothing. But I do realize we've talked about this before. Why? You know, we did it just what, last week, week before?
Mm hmm.
Why do we have meetings? Why do we have meetings? and I'll tell you I'll tell you a little story that really helped me cement how this works for me is I there was a friend of ours, a friend of mine, and a person in AA who just recently passed away. Dick s spaghetti dick. He won't buy
So just pause here for a second. One of the greatest things that you're missing out if you're not part of a 12 step group, are these ridiculous names people
right?
have in
Yeah.
recovery,
No, that's
like
right.
spaghetti,
It's spaghetti,
spaghetti,
dick.
dick?
Spaghetti, dick. And it's because he loved to cook spaghetti, so nothing else. If your mind was going elsewhere, forget about it. He loved to cook spaghetti. So anyway, Dick was had some. He was an older gentleman in his mid-seventies. Just recently passed. He passed, Sunday night and, um, and he lived in Colchester and he always had a gap since I knew him pretty much he needed a ride to meetings and there was always somebody else picking him up.
And I remember one day saying to him, and I like to be helpful, but sometimes it's ego saying, Hey, Dick, if you ever need a ride, I'll be happy to help you out. so he he one day he reached out to me for a ride and I picked him up. And long story short, I became his ride. Now, Colchester is about a 25 minute ride for me in the opposite direction of any meeting we'd be
going to. So if I picked him up for our Friday night meeting, which is the meeting I typically took him to, I would have to leave my house just around 6:00 so I could pick him up, get to the meeting sometime just after seven for a 730 meeting. And so it'd be 6:00 to about 10:00 for me. and I did that for a while. And when I realized I was becoming his only ride to the meeting, I had a huge resentment.
I was so pissed off, so pissed off, and it took me a couple of weeks, but I finally realized that I could use it as, like, a service. Like, be grateful that I could do this for him. And Dick and I developed an incredible relationship,
Yeah,
Right? Number one is we had this time. Yeah, we had a 40 minute drive to and a 40 minute drive home every week almost. And and we developed this great friendship and it became a pleasure. Yeah. It turned into something that was a resentment and turned into a pleasure. And I was I used to love to go pick up Dick and take him. Then he moved to another town and it was still about 25 minutes away from me, but I was actually closer to our meeting. So it was a little
bit easier to do. now his health went downhill and, you know, I was lucky enough I had some chances to go see him in the last month, spend some time with them. Matter of fact, I was in I went to see him. Yeah, about. Ten days or two weeks ago, and I knew he wasn't doing well. And I walked in there and I thought he might not be communicative. And I was talking with his son, who's also a
friend. I, he Dick used to always say, Hey, I'm checking in to see what condition my condition is in, which is a take on a Rolling Stones. Right. And so I walked up to him and he was laying in bed and I just whispered in his ear, I'm like, Hey, Dick, I'm here to check in and see what condition my condition was in. And I got a big smile out of him and a laugh. And I'm like, Oh, he's he's doing better. So it was just really, really nice, sad passing.
But my point with the whole thing is that I could take something that seems to be a burden and turn it into
right.
a positive thing.
But you have. Now that he's gone, I would look at it as you had this alone time with this person Mm hmm. that you had the sole focus of another human being once a week who depended on you for a long period of time. Yeah. And that's one of those moments that could seem pissy in the moment. And you look back and say, That was a gift Yeah, that I had the opportunity to connect with another human being right. at another level because we had no choice otherwise.
you know, again, and I, you know, I watched this go through. I went from the point where Dick couldn't drive. He had some eyesight problems and physical problems, back problems. But I went from Dick nap just been able to drive because of some eye problems to needing a wheelchair to get to his meetings. Right. So and and there was another guy who would get them on occasion I think as much as he could and get them out to a different meeting. But
it was just, isn't it? It turned out again, once I got rid of that resentment and I sort of figured out what life is all about, I just realized like, yeah, it was this beautiful connection I made with another human being I'll always remember Dick. I mean, it's something I'll always remember, right? We always talk about it on our deathbed. We'll never going to say, Oh, I should have spent more time in the office. Right?
Right?
I'm going to say, Oh, yeah, you know, I'm going to think about the friends I've had and Dick is going to be one of those guys. Dick was a Vietnam vet, all these things, Right. Great conversations with him. know, loved music. We talk about music. Talk about sports. Political opposites,
Ha
right?
ha ha ha ha ha
Political.
ha ha
Are we? We recognized early on that politics was probably something we're going to talk about. but we were able to have our friendship and everything else.
It can be very easy for the family to look at those moments of, Oh, you care more about somebody like Dick than Yeah. you do about me. That you choose to leave the home and go do that. Yeah. Oh, you're you're at a drop of a hat. You're going off to a meeting. It's Saturday night. I thought we were going to watch a movie together
That's happened many times with me. you know, my my wife's a great calendar. Worker She. She puts everything. Every appointment she has, she puts on a calendar. I'm a horrible calendar user, and it just still, I just, you know, I try and do the best I can. I won't even say I do the best I can. I do what I can. there has been plenty of times that something will happen. And I'll say, Oh, I got to go out to this meeting tonight and she'll say, It's not on the calendar. And I'm like, Nope,
you're right. And then all bets are off because she's thinking, I'm going to be home. so there's always those type of things. you know, I realized long ago that the most important thing for me is to keep my program going to stay sober. you set it perfectly if I need to. You know, I'm going to ask for forgiveness more than permission usually does. So there's times where I ask for permission, but most of the times I'm going to be asking for forgiveness.
will tell you what helped get us over the hump is we had a heart to heart. And she had a therapist who told her that if I was still going to as many meetings as I did at the time, that I must be a dry drunk and I shouldn't need to go. And she cited a couple other people we know who were spotty in their meeting. Attendance, and I knew the level of sobriety that they're at. And I'm like, Please do not use those people as an example, right. because if I'm at that level of sobriety that I see,
that's not a good thing. she wanted me to go see a therapist, but it had to be somebody who specialized in the 12 steps. So I agreed to do that. And some of those things were I was a little give and take helped. And I think also seeing that there are results, we're really not at that place anymore, that there are times now that she will tell me, I think you should go to a meeting or I'll say sometimes right. I really don't want to go. Yeah, you should go.
Yeah.
This is your night. I already planned for you to be gone.
right?
You should go
Absolutely. And my wife said the same thing. If I, if like, if something came up like, oh, I'm not going to go or, know, I'm not going to do this or I don't have to pick up this person, a lot of times she'll say, Well, I've already had plans anyway, right? I made a plan. A lot of times my wife will make plans with friends if she knows I'm going. Like I've been going out to this Friday night meeting since I got sober. So Friday night has always been the night that my wife makes
plans with her friends. They would always get together. They go out to dinner, they'd love to play Scrabble. They do that kind of stuff. So, And if I didn't have a meeting for that reason on Friday night, Church wasn't available. She stayed open. I hope she would like that was my night out, and I would typically just find another place to go. But I want to one thing we glossed over and I just want to touch base on it. As you said, we were talking a little bit
about balance, right? you said it that early in a program, early in somebody's recovery, there's not a lot of balance. Right.
now.
And there shouldn't be. And I've told this that to many of many of the guys who I've worked with, whether I've been their sponsor, just talked to them, is like, now is not the time to have balance. Now's the time to really cement a program for yourself and to cement try to figure out what meetings work for you, what people work for you like really take that time early when you come in to find out what do you need? You know, I always tell it that you need to find your meetings and you
need to find your people. I think you did that early on, and I know I did that early on. And once I found those meetings and typically for me, they're the same like I go to meetings because there's people there that I like. You know, we talk about John Charlie, you know, we're doing a job on Charlie. I'm doing that John Charlie This year. This year, because of the people more than the John. Charlie Right.
Right?
It's like the people there are the what is what attracts me to that I tell that all time balance is not something you need early. Later on you could talk about it, early on, not at all.
This is the principle. If you put the work in upfront, Yeah. you don't have to do as much work on the back end. It's that case. In anything you start a new job, put everything in to learn as much as you can upfront. Get to know as many people in the organization so it's easier on the back end like that with gardening, weightlifting, whatever. If you put that effort into your recovery program in the beginning that you dive in when it's uncomfortable, it's a lot easier down the road if you
just dip your toe in. Those are the people I have seen that relapse or yeah. don't make it or don't come back again.
Well, they struggle with the quality of their sobriety, right? We talked about it's not always relapse and it's always. But you struggle with the quality and we know lots of people out there who struggle with the quality of their program. listen, everybody, Tyrone and I don't want to take other people's inventory and I don't want to tell them I even sponsor these. I'm not the kind
hmm.
I am not the kind of sponsor that I tell them, like, you have to do this and you have to do that and you have to go to this many meetings. I do not tell them that, first of all, and partly that's because my sponsor never told me that that's the way I came in. everybody's got to figure it out for themselves. and if you want quality sobriety, then you need to do whatever it is for you that's going to get you quality
sobriety. And if that's five meetings a week and that's what it is, you know, and if that's a 90 and 90 and that's what it is, I never did in 1990 myself either time I came home, I went to plenty of meetings, I went to planning meetings. And truthfully, I may have done in 1990, but I never, never kept track of it. it wasn't a goal of mine to do 1990. so I did a meeting when I needed to meeting.
I still do meetings when it's like when I'm feeling uncomfortable, when I'm messed up, when I'm pissed off and I'm angry at the world, I know I need a meeting. So I go up to a meeting and and if I, if I say that to my wife, Hey, listen, I'm feeling really uncomfortable. I'm pretty pissed off or whatever she's going to say. Fine. Go, go get. Go get your medicine, man. I don't want you around like that.
We had somebody last night who brought a six month old. Yeah, That was great. yeah. use that as an excuse. Brought the six month old. And we were, I think, as responsible as possible to say, if you got to do this again, bring the baby.
Oh, absolutely.
If you need somebody to hold the baby, let us know.
he and I text almost every morning and he'll say he sent me a text today. Hey, you don't have. Have a great day. Enjoy your day. And I, I text them back. Hey, thanks for bringing the thanks for bringing your daughter. And I love seeing her, even though when I picked her up and I held her, she started screaming.
It's only time yeah, she yeah. was quiet until you got a hold of her.
Right. Yeah, she was. But I'm happy. And I heard him say, you know, I heard him talking to his sponsor there and he talking about how, listen, he's got a six month old, he's been going to school. I know this fellow, right? He's been going to school.
Yeah.
He's been working. It's really, really hard. And I heard him talking to a sponsor about trying to figure out like, hey, how do I do this? How do I how do I keep my program going? How do I make this happen? And you know how you make it happen. You bring your daughter to the meeting. If you know this meeting happens to be one, he can do that. bring her to the meeting. He had a step out, but at least he's there. He shared,
right? He shared at the meeting even if he doesn't get the whole thing out of it, he's there. He's trying. He'll get something out of it.
The key, I think, as well, is plan things out. If you're in a situation where it's busy and all hell is breaking loose. And this is hard sometimes for me to do, although I'm easier to do this at work, just sit down one night and look at your calendar and plan. If you got to plan out two weeks in advance, here are the nights I can go here, the nights I can't. Here's why. And
do it that way. Because. And because if you sit there and look at your calendar, you might find that you have a little bit more time than you thought you did.
I always think there's time for meetings. I really do. I definitely think there's time to squeeze them in. And it's typically what I have found for me. I think I hear this from most people, it's an excuse. Many times I don't have time, I don't have time, I don't have time. And listen, the old timers, the old timers will tell you that that's just that's just an excuse of not wanting to go to a meeting. You know, that's just bullshit. get your ass to the meeting that we all have time.
And that's not having your priorities right. And that's the other thing that having your priorities and people start telling you I don't have time to go to a meeting, then that just means that their program is less important than other things in their lives. One of the things that I do is I have a bunch of meetings that I like to go to that I don't go to regularly. Right Thursday night, the Thursday Night Men's Group. I
love to go. I know more than half the guys that go to that meeting, so I know that when I have an opportunity, sometimes my wife would come home and say, Hey, I'm going out with my friend on Thursday night instead of Friday this week. I use that as an opportunity many times like, Oh, I could go see the Thursday night, guys. All right. you know what's beautiful about that meeting is that is a meeting that is not one of my groups, is I could go there and do nothing. You know,
Yep.
it's it's the sweet part of me going to that meeting. I don't have to chair. I don't have to do anything. If there's a business meeting I don't have to stay for, I just go there. I say hi to my friends, maybe I share if I like the subject, maybe I don't. At the end of the meeting, I go home and it's nice. Nice because I don't have any any other obligations at that meeting.
Yeah, that is nice. Sometimes to just Yeah. go in and Yep. not not have to do all those things, but it's helpful. Right. I'll say one last thing about this, that if you're looking for that currency to get your family off your back, here's one of these things. If you put in some work and you start showing results, you might get some more support. yeah, The better you get, the faster you get and you can tie it back to what you're doing.
You probably will get a little bit more leeway if you can show the investment. yeah.
I agree
So if you're in this position, you're not alone. If you're brand new and you're going to meetings or however you're addressing your recovery and you're getting crap from the family, this happens to all of us and it might go away in three months. It may go away in three years, it may take time, but you got to find a way to do it. You got to communicate, you've got to plan and get the results. The better you get, the faster you get. Human nature shows that other people will then be
supportive. Now you can get to the point where the two of us are and John as well, where we have spouses that'll say you should go. The way we're behaving tells them Yeah, you need to get out of this house and you need to go to a meeting. I'll tell you, that pisses me off more than anything yeah, else. yeah. That is not something I want to hear.
it used to piss me off and nowadays it's, it's a red flag to me. Like if my wife's picking up on it before I am, then it's like that means I'm ignoring it typically because it means I'm not behaving the way I should behave. So. but it's, it is good. It is good to know that you have somebody who will tell you, Hey, listen, looks like you're slipping my wife. I'll say, It looks like you're slipping a little bit. She'll actually use those words, You know, you're a little bit more
angry. I think you, you know, you may need to look at some things. today I can say to her, I. I just shared this the other night. I just shared this Friday. She said, she said that to me. And I said, You know something? You're right. I would have thought there would have been fighting words for me in the past. nowadays, I can say you're right. I need to pay attention to that, you know? So
All progress.
Progress.
Well, you all have been giving us a lot more feedback starting to come in more. We get emails from you, we get messages on Instagram. We read every single one of one of them. And if we can respond in a way that's going to help you, we're going to do that. We love this feedback. I'd love to hear your stories on how you handle first getting sober how it affected your recovery. so we'd love to hear your feedback on on how this went for you early on, what
your advice is. You can reach out to us at Sober Friends podcast Instagram at Sober Friends Pod. It's been a while since you gave us a review on Apple Podcasts. We love that feedback. Give us a five star review if you think we deserve it. And if you like the podcast share with somebody. It would help as well. It helps us spread the message that you're not alone and that recovery is possible. Steve, thanks for a great show tonight.
Yeah. Matt, thanks for, uh, thanks for having this. And, uh, yeah, I'm glad to be here.
Thank you. And we'll see everybody next week by everybody.