For reasons both personal and highly arbitrary, the SVWAG style guide (authored by gibbons, of course) does not countenance using the word "teach" as a noun, with the possible exception as a casual nickname for a teacher. Thus a game does not, in our parlance, have a "teach" except insofar as you call the person explaining the rules to you "teach". As in, "yo, teach, thanks for doing this thankless job, you make our hobby possible, I'm certainly not going to give ...
Mar 12, 2024•1 hr 14 min
Before shouting about toys professionally, Mark taught ethics at a health sciences university. He discussed matters of life and death, of cutting edge controversial technologies, of war and politics, and matters of fundamental rights and duties. He has learned two lessons from those experiences: never ever talk about animal rights with a pit bull owner, and his views on Mass Effect are vastly more controversial than any of his other views. In this episode, he is at least smart enough to stay sil...
Mar 05, 2024•1 hr 9 min
Walker was all like "there's this card effect in Successors" and Mark was all like "nuh-uh" but Walker was like "yeah, fer sure" and Mark goes "no way" and Walker says "way" and that's a 100% accurate transcript. 01:53 AYURIS: Dice Realms (Thomas Lehmann, Rio Grande Games, 2022) Games Played Last Week: 04:07 -Lorenzo il Magnifico (Flaminia Brasini, Virginio Gigli, and Simone Luciani, Cranio Creations, 2016) 10:55 -Leonardo da Vinci's Codex Leic...
Feb 27, 2024•1 hr 17 min
The theory of the atom first posited by the pre-Socratic philosopher Democritus in roughly the 4th Century BCE. None of his actual writings have survived. The great thing about the pre-Socratics is that so few of their works are available, you can spend about ten minutes (or less!) and have read as much of their stuff as have the world's leading experts. Games Played Last Week: 01:53 -Kingdom Rush: Elemental Uprising (Alara Cameron, Helana Hope, and Sen-Foong Lim, Lucky Duck Games, 2023) 04:...
Feb 20, 2024•55 min
Every man wants to be a macho, macho man To have the kind of body always in demand Jogging in the mornings, go man go Work outs in the health spa, muscles glow You can best believe that he's a macho man Ready to get down with, anyone he can You can tell a macho, he has a funky walk His western shirts and leather, always look so boss Funky with his body, he's a king Call him Mister Ego, dig his chains You can best believe that he's a macho man He likes to be the leader, he never dress...
Feb 13, 2024•1 hr 5 min
Let us, following in Andy Schwarz's example, highlight the fine work of Nancy Skinner, a California state senator whose "Fair Pay to Play Act" granted college athletes in California the right to profit from their name, image, and likeness. This forced the NCAA to allow such changes more broadly. It hasn't been perfect, but let's acknowledge one thing: if someone's gonna be making millions off your name and face, maybe--just maybe!--you should be able to get a cut. Games P...
Feb 06, 2024•1 hr 7 min
It has been many a year since our early days, our salad days when we were younger and dumb and didn't know what we were doing. Much has changed, in that we are now older and dumb and don't know what we're doing. But the inexorable march of time has at least offered many new offerings in the broad tent of dexterity games, and so it is past time that we focus on one of our preferred genus of toy. 01:26 AYURIS: Golem (Flaminia Brasini, Virginio Gigli, & Simone Luciani, Cranio Creati...
Jan 30, 2024•1 hr 20 min
A pretty solid rule of thumb is that if you've been disappointed in a kind of game, try David Thompson's version of it and see how delightful it can be. Hidden movement got you down? Sniper Elite is the cure. Abstract chunky tiled fighty thing didn't please? War Chest might please. Mediocre skirmish cramping your style? For What Remains is ready to serve. It's a good thing he has styles of games he hasn't explored, lest he just obsolete the remainder of the games industry. Gi...
Jan 23, 2024•1 hr 2 min
As ever, and with no clue what a lang syne is (much less an auld-y type configuration), we embrace the new year by commemorating the old. We would venture that the new year only truly begins once SVWAG has given its imprimatur on the best game published in the preceding year. The Julian Calendar was abandoned in favour of the Gregorian, and it is evident that the Gregorian should be abandoned in favour of the SVWAGgering Calendar. Games Played Last Week: 01:34 -Kutná Hora: The City of Silver (On...
Jan 16, 2024•1 hr 19 min
Heraclitus, an ancient Greek philosopher, claimed that you never step in the same river twice; for it is not the same river and you are not the same person. Such as it is with games! They are reprinted and thus reborn, all along some blurred spectrum of redesign spanning from carbon copy all the way to entirely new design. Let us not forget Heraclitus' student Cratylus, who evidently thought Heraclitus some kind of squish, insofar as he is credited with countering that you cannot step into t...
Jan 09, 2024•1 hr 18 min
"This here's a jam for all the gamers Tryin' to do what those rulebooks offer Get shot down 'cause you're overzealous Take too long, opponents get jealous Ok, smarty, go to a party Games are on the menu for everybody You wanna play a game that's more complexer But you're standin' on the wall like you was Poindexter A game is laid out, one not played out The options unfold and your mind just spins out They say you should take your turn or get removed So come on, ga...
Jan 02, 2024•1 hr 20 min
Just before Mark is de-platformed, he would like to remind the SVWAG audience of two very important facts. First, he is but a man shouting into a can, and just because he doesn't like the thing you like doesn't make either less worthy of respect, dignity, and chocolate. He is willing to accept the possibility that he's Playing It Wrong and/or Doesn't Get It and/or needs to Git Gud and/or is just insufficiently evolved. Second, a reminder that complaints are to be directed to supp...
Dec 19, 2023•1 hr 14 min
A review of So Very Wrong About Games, not actually by Werner Herzog: "To listen to SVWAG is to court madness. One host is beholden to the delusion that if he utters sufficient words in a short period of time he may stave off his inevitable death, whereas the other grapples with the false consciousness of refusing to acknowledge life's meaninglessness. Collectively their banter serves as a cruel rebuke to evolution, a bitter mockery of humanity's purported superiority over a nature t...
Dec 12, 2023•1 hr 2 min
Dexterity games, dismissed by many in the board game world as children's toys (whereas, by contrast, we laud them as children's toys), can offer a unique window into the player's soul. A fine dexterity game is a crucible in which one's true character emerges. Are you an assertive, grandiose table-hog capable of great feats but undone by hubris? Are you a small-minded, plodding dilettante lacking in ambition or imagination? Junk Art can reveal all! Games Played Last Week: 02:11 -A...
Dec 05, 2023•1 hr 21 min
There's no time no time at all we must get to the games there's been so many all the time one after another hurry hurry we must get to all of the games 01:26 AYURIS: Riftforce (Carlo Bortolini, 1 More Time Games, 2021) Games Played Last Week: 03:07 -Septima (Robin Hegedűs, Mindclash Games, 2023) 10:42 -White Castle (Israel Cendrero & Sheila Santos, Devir Games, 2023) 16:25 -Paku Paku (Antoine Bauza, Ravensburger, 2017) 20:45 -Nekojima (David Carmona & Karen Nguyen, Unfriendly Gam...
Nov 28, 2023•1 hr 29 min
The shift from Beckett references to low-grade puns might strike one as jarring, but it is important to note that both hosts have essentially been twelve going on sixty for most of their lives. If it's not juvenile and/or obscure, it is difficult for the hosts to process--they become disoriented and frightened. In such circumstances, a nice Star Control II reference will probably calm them down. Hey, there's one of those in this episode, too! Games Played Last Week: 01:52 -Great Western ...
Nov 14, 2023•1 hr 21 min
One has to be careful in buffet situations. There are so many options, and you are pulled in so many different directions. You must differentiate the false urgency from the genuinely pressing, and it is a test of your evaluation and timing skills to successfully navigate your priorities. What to do, and when? How much of what? If you fail to make the wise choices, you might not get through the dessert. Games Played Last Week: 02:20 -IKI: Akebono (Koota Yamada, Sorry We Are French, 2023) 08:22 -I...
Nov 07, 2023•1 hr 7 min
"'Well, I remember it as though it were an episode ago' Said Walker the Host as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter May have nestled its way into his mighty throat Many a poor design had met its demise while staring point-blank down The cavernous barrel of this awesome critical machine Truly a wonder of nature, this urban gamer Walker the Host had many a story to tell And it was a frequent occasion such as this that he did ... 'Say Bigney, do you wanna play games with...
Oct 31, 2023•1 hr 20 min
On October 27th, 1962, a man named Vasili Arkhipov saved the world. Literally. Had he not stood up to his commanding officer and refused to launch a nuclear warhead during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the resulting retaliations would have obliterated all human life. Probably the marmosets and gibbons, too. We here at SVWAG think the man deserves a holiday in his honour, especially given that we all owe our lives to him. October 27th is Arkhipov Day. Games Played Last Week: 01:05 -Undaunted: Staling...
Oct 24, 2023•1 hr 16 min
"Somethin' tells me it's all happening at the zoo I do believe it I do believe it's true The monkeys stand for honesty Giraffes are insincere And the elephants are kindly but they're dumb Orangutans are skeptical Of changes in their cages And the zookeeper is very fond of rum Zebras are reactionaries Antelopes are missionaries Pigeons plot in secrecy And hamsters turn on frequently What a gas, you gotta come and see At the zoo" -Simon and Garfunkel, "At the Zoo", ...
Oct 17, 2023•1 hr 29 min
It's all Fat Bear Week and puns this week, both of which share one important characteristic--they have distended, pendulous bellies. Wait, that wasn't it. It's that they are both to be respected for their power and danger. Those people you hear about who try to live with bears always suffer the same fates as the serial deployers of puns, in that they are both found dead and alone. Games Played Last Week: 01:42 -Undaunted: Stalingrad (Trevor Benjamin and David Thompson, Osprey Games, ...
Oct 10, 2023•1 hr 8 min
We turn to yet another discussion of important issues in boardgaming, this time WE INTERRUPT YOUR SILLY EPISODE NOTES FOR A SERIOUS ANNOUNCEMENT It is fat bear week! The possibility of a US federal government shutdown has been averted, and thus the voting public (even foreigners, we won't tell) may vote on which lorge bois of the ursine variety shall take the prize! For those uninitiated, the US National Park Service runs a bracketed competition to determine the preferred corpulent bear. Not...
Oct 03, 2023•1 hr 8 min
Any old person could consult Wikipedia, but only the true elite tune in to SVWAG to hear Walker summarize random boat-related articles for them. It's a power move to rival even the most outrageous exploits of the viking peoples. Games Played Last Week: 00:50 -Faeries & Magical Creatures (Glenn Drover, Foridden Games, 2023) 05:27 -Dogfight! (Carlo A. Rossi, PSC Games, 2023) 09:48 -Ceylon (Chris Zinsli and Suzanne Zinsli, Ludonova, 2018) 12:10 -Almost Innocent (Philippe Attali, Kolossal Ga...
Sep 26, 2023•1 hr 18 min
We return to the bizarre cant of Letterkenny, invoking specifically the term "ferda," which is a contraction of "for the boys/girls." It is a great way to punctuate a sentence, especially if you do not wish to be understood--but that is true of all cant. Relatedly, if you haven't already, please do peruse our own glossary on sowronggames.com! We are not above our own cant, especially given our penchant for acronyms. Games Played Last Week: 02:07 -My Island (Reiner Knizia, KOS...
Sep 19, 2023•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 279
Walker and Huey voted to end the game early, but there were then procedural questions as to whether that warranted a runoff in the French Presidential style. Chip III repeated his preference for a ranked-choice voting system, but he couldn't decide whether his second choice was a single transferable vote or first past the post. Meanwhile, Mark gerrymandered the rest of the table into one sprawling district, and made three new districts intersect at his spine so he got three votes to everyone...
Sep 12, 2023•1 hr 26 min•Ep. 276
No cats were harmed during the recording of this episode. Official SVWAG cat Chandler (aka Potato aka Chan-Chan aka The Chan-Man) had his dignity challenged when Mark laughed at his strange partially-shaved body, but we don't think that counts. Official SVWAG dog Bruno (aka The Dog) resents human non-walk activities, but again, that probably doesn't count. The editorial gibbons and the HR gibbons colluded to classify Mark and Walker as "sub-animal automated speakboxes" and then t...
Sep 05, 2023•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 277
I was originally going to riff on Ginsberg's Howl, but I confess I had completely forgotten what a monster of a piece it is--redolent in imagery and references that are very much of a time since past. I considered then moving on to Nelson's On the Road Again, and faced the opposite problem--man, that song has some simple lyrics. I guess Shelley and Shakespeare are the sweet spot. 01:24 AYURIS: Praga Caput Regni (Vladimír Suchý, Delicious Games, 2020) Games Played Last Week: 03:56 -Shadow...
Aug 29, 2023•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 276
As a certain talk-show huckster was wont to say, we train people how to treat us. Without absolving other people of their own responsibility, we can nonetheless take a certain amount of responsibility for entirely predictable reactions to our own decisions. "Don't feed the troll," goes the internet wisdom, and wise it is--Mark routinely fails to heed that good advice in the face of taunting by Walker. That said, Walker cannot claim to be long-suffering about Mark's mythological d...
Aug 22, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 275
David Hume argued that all ideas are either simple or complex, and that in turn all complex ideas are merely composed of simple ideas. He wasn't a huge fan of some of those complex ideas; he used the example of a chimera, where you take a lion, a snake, and a goat (three simple ideas, but we can quibble with that later if you like) and smush them all together to get a complex idea. Hume was sceptical about complex ideas, to say the least. We can agree or disagree with Hume on many fronts, an...
Aug 15, 2023•1 hr 33 min
There was A Time Before. Historians no doubt will soon abandon the antiquated notions of BCE and CE, and will instead resort to the infinitely more practical Pre-SVWAG and Post-SVWAG eras. In the dim and distant past of Pre-SVWAG, people had the audacity to release games before we could weigh in on them officially. Whether this was borne of opportunism, undue haste, or some other impulse we will not speculate. 03:40 AYURIS: Khôra: Rise of an Empire (Head Quarter Simulation Game Club, IELLO, 2021...
Aug 08, 2023•1 hr 26 min•Ep. 273
