"My defense, Your Honour, was that I was specifically mandated by the rulebook issued by M. Xavier Georges and Quined Games to violate the lockdown restrictions issued by the Province of Ontario. I would put to you that it is unjust for the government to force me to choose between public heath measures backed by civil sanction on the one hand, and being a dirty dirty cheater on the other. Why are you all looking at me like that?" 01:37 AYURIS: Gentes: Deluxified (Stefan Risthaus, Tasty M...
Feb 02, 2021•1 hr 8 min
Board Game Arena gets more and more of our gaming time, what with its snappy interface and minimal system requirements. The sound effects, though, are controversial. The community seems divided on whether the whooshes are pleasing or distracting, and whether the knock-knock-knock sound is charming or nerve-wracking. We have heard the noise accused of being evocative of imminent swatting, which seems excessive but potentially horrifying. Games Played Last Week: 01:07 -The Crew: The Quest for Plan...
Jan 26, 2021•1 hr 6 min
If you've been following board games social media recently, you might have noticed that it's been a rough couple of weeks. Incidents like these, albeit difficult, allow us a chance to define our community and underscore our values. Silence can imply consent. We can either choose to silently defend powerful figures use their influence to harm vulnerable people without consequence, or we can choose to try and speak up to become a more welcoming and inclusive community. So Very Wrong About ...
Jan 19, 2021•1 hr 6 min
Too much news! So much news, in fact, that we had to cut some news. Some news, though news-y, will keep until next week. The key is to wrap the roots of the news in damp paper towel, put the news in a plastic bag, and put the bag in the fridge. The news will keep up to a couple weeks that way, whereas it would have become limp news on the counter in as little as a day. Games Played Last Week: 01:11 -By Stealth and Sea (Nicola Saggini & David Thompson, DVG Games, 2020) 06:02 -Dinosaur Tea Par...
Jan 12, 2021•1 hr 1 min
In honour of our big, blowout, end-of-year extravaganza spectacular, no expense was spared. Mark put on pants. Walker wore his t-shirt with the fewest holes. The sheep freshly sheared. The palanquin carriers were freshly oiled. Come, thrill to the summary of what was actually a very good year in terms of boardgame releases. Games Played Last Week: 02:16 -Guardians (Callin Flores, Plaid Hat Games, 2018) 03:46 -Super Fantasy Brawl (Jochen Eisenhuth, Mythic Games, 2020) 06:07 -MegaCity: Oceania (Jo...
Jan 05, 2021•1 hr 34 min
All right, sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious episode of SVWAG! A day with So Very Wrong About Games is like a day on the farm. Every word's a banquet! Every sentence a fortune! Every review a soliloquy! I love SVWAG! Games Played Last Week: 01:40 -Aristeia!: Prime Time (Alberto Abal, Jesús Fuster, & David Rosillo, Corvus Belli, 2020) 05:05 -Vengeance: Director’s Cut Expansion (Gordon Calleja, Mighty Boards, 2020) 11:03 -For What Remains: Out of the...
Dec 22, 2020•1 hr 4 min
"I hit you!" "Nuh-uh, you missed!" "I totally hit you!" "I dodged it!" "I have special homing missiles you can't dodge!" "I have a shield that redirects all your shots back to you!" "I have an invincibility field!" "I can shoot through invincibility!" At this point, Games Workshop would have us roll off, with the person rolling higher getting the title of Most Obnoxious Person. 01:49 AYURIS: Cthulhu Wars (Sandy Peterson & Li...
Dec 15, 2020•1 hr 23 min
Mark has occasion to quote three different movies in this episode, and miraculously none of them are Pulp Fiction, The Lion in Winter, or even Aliens--despite the latter being related to a game discussed! Perhaps his echolalia is abating, or perhaps merely evolving. One should, after all, take every advantage to quote the well-spoken Ayatollah of Rock-and-Rolla. Games Played Last Week: 01:19 -Pax Renaissance (Phil Eklund & Matt Eklund, Sierra Madre Games, 2016) 04:14 -Praga Caput Regni (Vlad...
Dec 08, 2020•1 hr 12 min
One is reminded of those memes that plot definitions on two axes, asking to what degree the reader is a purist or a rebel--the setting purist and the mechanical purist would say "Descent is a dungeon crawler." Perhaps the setting purist and mechanical rebel would say "Dungeon Lords is a dungeon crawler." Invariably these memes revel in the reductio ad absurdum, so I have to imagine the setting rebel and the mechanical rebel would say "Hopscotch is a dungeon crawler." 01:4...
Dec 01, 2020•1 hr 6 min
It is the nature of the Walker who cries wolf that if he repeats the claim often and consistently enough, it might come true eventually. Despite the unrelenting constancy of Chinese New Year, some games do actually get produced--just only after they have emerged from their purgatorial delay in the never-ending holiday. So it is with Tidal Blades; after claims of "any day now" for years, it finally arrived, like some unwieldy piece of oversized deluxe... well... is it flotsam or jetsam? W...
Nov 24, 2020•1 hr 7 min
Clearly the hosts secretly wanted to have a movie podcast, or perhaps just a podcast devoted to the movie Aliens. To their credit, they at least did not devolve into merely parroting quotes from the film, which is a behaviour as obnoxious and it is difficult to avoid. Rest assured they offered their poor paraphrases and hackneyed delivery while actually playing the Aliens game. It was a bad call, listener, it was... Crap. 02:37 AYURIS: Catacombs 3rd ed. (Ryan Amos, Marc Kelsey, & Aron West, ...
Nov 17, 2020•1 hr 14 min
We have an unwritten constitution here at SVWAG, which we know causes some people from jurisdictions with written constitutions to get a little mystified and/or twitchy. Trust us, it works! We get to claim a rich constitutional history all the way back to 1215 and the Magna Carta, or at least we will, once we figure out what King John had to do with podcasting. It's the kind of arrangement that works until you have a constitutional crisis, which we have about as often as those places with wr...
Nov 10, 2020•59 min
It's the daylight savings, it's got to be. You give us an extra hour in the week--through the magic of time travel--and we'll take it to play eleventy new games. The geniuses (Canadians, for what it's worth) who invented standard time probably didn't take into account the havoc it might wreak on our podcasting. So many new games! Not enough time for the topic! We will endure. 01:08 AYURIS: Calimala (Fabio Lopiano, ADC Blackfire Entertainment GmbH, 2017) Games Played Last Week...
Nov 03, 2020•1 hr 1 min
The unofficial motto of SVWAG has always been, "stop trying to make fetch happen." Similarly, you can't just make up words out of thin air--it's not like they're holidays or anything that can be conjured ex nihilo (Happy Arkhipov Day!). What's an Arnak, anyway? Can you lose ruins of something that never existed? I suppose a fantasy is a good pretext to give us an arm's length distance from generations of pith-decked looters and graverobbers. Relatedly, Walker desperat...
Oct 27, 2020•1 hr 3 min
In honour of Arkhipov Day (October 27th--he saved your life or that of your forebears, he deserves a day), we turn to reflections of how games model war. Even themeless euros often include war as a convenient backdrop for the processing of cubes, so it is hardly restricted to one genre of gaming or another. That said, gaming is not unique--pretty much any medium can boast of a plethora of war narratives. 01:17 AYURIS: HATE (Raphaël Guiton, Jean-Baptiste Lullien, Alexandru Olteanu, & Nicolas ...
Oct 20, 2020•1 hr 6 min
I never knew a kid who had any kind of fort. In grade school I heard of a kid who could form Voltron, but that may have been an extravagant lie. My mom's friend's kids had a Sega Genesis, and that was pretty rad. I keep acquiring more games in the vain hope that it will make me popular, but it hasn't worked yet. Maybe one or two more Street Masters expansions will do the trick. I am told to be popular you have to wash your hair at least once every two weeks. Games Played Last Week: 0...
Oct 13, 2020•1 hr 5 min
The mere framing of a question can subtly or overtly determine the answer. There's an old joke about a monk who asks his superior, "Can I smoke while I meditate?" He is told no, as that would be sullying an act that is meant to be free from worldly concerns. The clever monk decides instead to ask another superior, "While I smoke, can I meditate?" So it is with boardgames! Framing can have tremendous consequences. 01:55 AYURIS: XenoShyft: Onslaught (Keren Philosophales & M...
Oct 06, 2020•1 hr 4 min
Social standards of behaviour are often subtle and variable, but we can all agree that children are often blind to their subtle nuances. Like, don't be a massive jerk--that's one of those tricky nuances that often escape the notice of your average child, what with many of them being borderline sociopaths kept in check only by their relative powerlessness and incompetence. Then again, perhaps Mark is the sociopath for not being able to tolerate the annoyances of child behaviour. Then agai...
Sep 29, 2020•1 hr 4 min
Hwaet! The second installment of our much-ignored segment, SVWAG Poetry Corner, takes a turn for the epic. First we did haiku, and now we discuss Old English epic poetry. Sure the noble limerick can't be far behind? We also discuss the most excellent lifestyle habits of our new idol, Kane Tanaka, who seems to be living her best life on her own terms. You go, Kane Tanaka! Rip off some monster's arm or something. 01:07 AYRUIS: Concordia (Mac Gerdts, PD-Verlag, 2013) and Concordia Venus (20...
Sep 22, 2020•1 hr 2 min
Our cup runneth over, if the cup in question is being filled by tiles laid there by Reiner Knizia. Three Knizia tile-laying games were sampled by SVWAG, which of course made it a good week. One feels that if someone proposed a topic of "Reiner Knizia tile-laying games", the appropriate editorial response would be "narrow the scope, please." Games Played Last Week: 01:12 -Spirit Island: Jagged Earth (R. Eric Reuss, Greater Than Games, 2020) 02:27 -Mariposas (Elizabeth Hargrave, AE...
Sep 15, 2020•54 min
In remembrance of things past, we bite hard into the madeleine that is large player count gaming. The recollection of not being sequestered into small basements, where... actually, scratch that, we were often in basements in the Before Times. At least I think so. Time is now an illusion. 01:57 AYURIS: A Feast for Odin: The Norwegians (Gernot Köpke & Uwe Rosenberg, Feuerland Spiele, 2018) Games Played Last Week: 03:44 -Time of Legends: Joan of Arc (Pascal Bernard, Mythic Games, 2019) 11:32 -S...
Sep 08, 2020•1 hr 10 min
"Cosmic Frog: World Eaters from Dimension Zero--A Game of Strategic Gluttony." I mean, what could I or anyone else possibly say that could add to that? Games Played Last Week: 01:46 -Spirit Island: Jagged Earth (R. Eric Reuss, Greater Than Games, 2020) 03:34 -Shards of Infinity: Shadow of Salvation (Justin Gary & Ryan Sutherland, Stone Blade Entertainment, 2019) 07:19 -Castle Itter (David Thompson, DVG, 2019) 12:44 -Kingdom Builder (Donald X. Vaccarino, Queen Games, 2011) 14:24 -Las ...
Sep 01, 2020•58 min
I mean, maybe, possibly, hopefully, with luck, theoretically, given the right group, hypothetically, in time, conceivably, eventually, if I push hard enough, imaginably, as a favour, I could imagine, someday, perchance, play this again. Weather permitting. 01:36 AYURIS: Cerebria: The Inside World (Richard Amann, Viktor Peter, István Pócsi, Frigyes Schőberl, Nick Shaw, & Dávid Turczi, Mindclash Games, 2018) Games Played Last Week: 04:34 -Istanbul (Rudiger Dorn, Pegasus Spiele, 2014) 06:06 -Bl...
Aug 25, 2020•1 hr 4 min
Old conflicts are put to bed, taxonomies are shelved, and instead we take refuge in sweeping declarations. Walker focuses on the ad hominem, trying to dissuade people from game design because they are insufficiently hardcore; Mark focuses on games, declaring that you can't base games on random spat out tiles. Nuance is for the weak, and qualifications are for those lacking character. Mostly. Games Played Last Week: 02:04 -Too Many Bones: Dart (Adam Carlson & Josh J. Carlson, Chip Theory ...
Aug 18, 2020•1 hr 6 min
We take a break from heady issues this week; so we instead touch on what constitutes a trick, what friends are good for, and colonialism. You know, light discussion. 02:35 AYURIS: Core Worlds (Andrew Parks, Stronghold, 2011) Games Played Last Week: 04:09 -Fort (Grant Rodiek, Leder Games, 2020) 09:15 -Ascension Tactics: Miniatures Deckbuilding Game (Justin Gary & Ryan Sutherland, Stone Blade Entertainment, 2021) 12:09 -The Voyages of Marco Polo (Simone Luciani & Daniele Tascini, Hans im G...
Aug 11, 2020•58 min
"Put down your chainsaw and listen to me It's time for us to join in the fight It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys It's time to let the bedbugs bite ... Talk with your mouth full Bite the hand that feeds you Bite on more than you chew What can you do Dare to be stupid" -"Weird Al" Yankovic, noted Lovecraft scholar, "Dare to Be Stupid" Games Played Last Week: 01:07 -Project: ELITE (Konstantinos Kokkinis, Marco Portugal, & Sotirios Tsantilas, ...
Aug 04, 2020•1 hr 7 min
Walker is a force of nature, a pent-up human-shaped mass of pure rage. The only outlet that can sate his furious destructive impulses is the ecstasy of the uninhibited flick--the catharsis of venting all of his power on a disc and then watching it careen around the board (then off the table, off someone's skull, off the floor, under the bookshelf, and then embedded in the drywall). He ten thunders with laughter, even as Huey informs him he missed his target and Dewey calls an ambulance. Is i...
Jul 28, 2020•55 min
“The game which our enemies have laid before us is, in so far as the French dictated it, is a monument of pathological fear and pathological hatred; and in so far as the Anglo-Saxons dictated it, it is the work of a capitalistic policy of the most brutal and cleverest kind.” –A deliberate misquote of Count von Brockdorff-Rantzau reviewing Versailles 1919 Games Played Last Week: 01:40 -Nippon (Nuno Bizarro Sentieiro & Paulo Soledade, What's Your Game?, 2015) 05:24 -Space Cadets: Away Miss...
Jul 21, 2020•1 hr 2 min
Walker feels he has missed his calling, and tries out his tight five as an insult comic this week. He directs his barbs at the typical targets--Mark, board game covers, games no one asked for, Mark, media he finds unengaging, and Mark. The latter (and former) does his level best at being supportive in the classic tradition of Ed McMahon, but one remembers why Don Rickles and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog are solo acts. 02:03 AYURIS: Talon (Jim Krohn, GMT, 2016) and Talon 1000 (Jim Krohn, GMT, 201...
Jul 14, 2020•1 hr 4 min
"From the discovery of New France to the 1981 Referendum, all of Quebec history is based on a single fallacy: that the British actually wanted to own Quebec. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. The British already had a surplus of colonies in the sunny Caribbean and took little interest in the Canadian icebox later dismissed by Voltaire as nothing more than 'quelques arpents de neige'... In 1759, with war raging everywhere between France and England, the British knew if...
Jul 07, 2020•1 hr 2 min
