Hey, viewers, Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is an explicit podcast about queer sex. Filter dirty words and unfiltered descriptions of sexual activities. If hearing about orgies, anonymous sex, kink, fetish, and more offends your sensibilities, you might want to skip this Viewer discretion is advised. It's definitely not for kids.
Put jo pussy up, put your put your pussy up, Put your pussy up, Put put your pussy up.
Welcome to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions. I'm Gabelon Sadez and.
I'm christotison Rosso. Each week we explore the sublime world of queer sex, cruising, and relationships.
We talk to queer folks of all kinds. We'll ask some questions, swap sex stories, share intimate revelations, and provide practical advice that you can use at home.
Joy, Put Joe, pussy, put Joe, put put your put, put your put.
Listeners.
Today, we're going deep, elbow deep, right beyond the knuckle, So whip out the X lube and get the puppy pads.
Ready because this episode is all about fisting. Game.
That was a very loaded transition. I'm really excited to hear, what's your experience with fisting? Not much. I'll tell you that I've tried it. I have told I am an ideal size for fisting. Okay, people look at my height and they're like, would you fist me? And I'm like, ninety nine percent of the time, the answer is no, It personally does very little for me. I'm not that
interested in it. I did you still Look up with this guy when I first moved to New York and he was like, Hey, I want to ask you something. He was like, super shy about it, but he wanted me to fist him, and I didn't know what that entailed at all. Yeah, So he sent me home with homework. He gave me a book on fisting, and he was like, read this and if you think you'd be interested in doing it to me, come back and we can do it.
I was like, all right, And I read the book and I learned a lot of things that would have terrified me if I'd gone into fisting. So there's like a whole section in the book that talked about what happens once you go beyond the knuckle uh huh, that like the body just kind of sucks.
The rest of your army.
That is correct, and I'm like, that is exactly what happened, and it is very unsettling.
It is.
It felt like something out of alien, you know what I mean. It was like and it made a sound.
Yeah, it was wild.
So again, I'm really glad that I read up before doing that. I think I did it more because I was into him, but it felt less for me. Okay, it felt very much for him. Wow, Okay, we are so different. Yeah, because your eyes are telling me that you have a story you did definitely like to share.
Yeah. I mean I fisted someone for the first time when I was sixteen.
Oh my god.
I didn't even know how anal sex worked at sixteen.
No, I entered like a craigsist ad and he like asked me if I would be into it, and I did not know what he was talking about, and he said, don't worry, I'll show you. And like I showed up and there was, you know, a man and a container of crisco where old school, old school. Yeah, and that sort of started me on my fist and journey and I've been doing it ever since. So was that a positive experience? I mean, you were clearly too.
Young to be doing that, but like, was it a yeah? I mean yes, yes, well well yes yeah.
But I I love it. I think it's one of the like most intimate acts you can engage with sexually. I truly enjoy it.
Is this like the regular part of your sexual practice or is it like depending on the partner?
I have no idea.
Chris, you contain multitudes. I do multitude, But fair, you're the fister. I'm the fister, okay, top I see and I have massive hands.
Yeah you do. I know.
I feel like I'm the beginning. I'm like the training dildo and you're the like literally not for the novice. Yeah.
If you've listened to our show for the past two seasons, you've heard us deep dive on lots of kings and fetishes, from puppy play to chastity to wrestling.
But fisting seems to be one of the biggest fetishes in the queer community, and as years go by, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger and bigger.
With fisting videos all over Gagewitter, Fitzfluencer's pushing prolapsed dildos, and more and more young people getting into it. It's almost like we're approaching fisting's total crossover from kink to common practice.
In this episode, we're going to talk to one of our favorite sex writers, the incredible Alex Cheves, who first gained a following as a sex writer dolling out advice for The Advocate. In twenty twenty one, he published his debut memoir, My Love Is a Beast Confessions, where he talks with a raw, poetic honesty about his sexual awakenings, fisting, kink, sex work, HIV, and so much more.
Please welcome to Snippy's Cruising Confessions. Alex Chevez.
Alex welcome, Thank you for being here, Thank you for having me, Thank you so much for calling in. For listeners who don't know, Alex is calling in from Berlin, the kinky sex capital of Europe.
In the sex capital of the world.
I would say, so this might not be the case in Germany, given that you are the kinky sex capital of the world. Correct, But I feel like I have seen, at least anecdotally, in the US a lot more people talking about fisting. Do you think fisting is having a moment right now?
Is she the it girl?
Fisting? Is the it girl? It?
Fisters talk about fisting Twitter It is the phenomenon in the fisting world, and I think it's been the it girl for a little bit now. If anything, I feel like we're on our way out of fisting Twitter. But fisting, I think in a few years is going to be a whole generation of fisters who met each other through Twitter because for whatever reason, it was one of those lanes of sex content on Twitter that just really created a tight community. Were not that type, but I'm just exploded.
It was one of those kinks that really took off in the era of social media.
It is interesting that you mentioned Twitter because I feel like that site was one of the few social media sites that did not censor sexual content. And even on sites like OnlyFans, I believe things like fisting are still not allowed to be distributed or shown platforms.
That's why I got kicked off of Only Fans way.
Yeah, I put fisting videos on there and I didn't know the rules, and they like, sorry, you can't do this.
Do they have customer service? Can you call it and be like, my fisting videos are taken down?
Yeah?
So a lot goes into shaping what you're into. Are there any parts of your life that made you gravitating towards fisting.
Yeah, it's not exciting. I found fisting the way a lot of people did my age is through porn. And crucially, for a long time, fisting lived in the avenue of things that I was never interested in actually doing. And I think a lot of people have those things, right, You have these kinks that you might watch, but are things that you're never really interested in actually living out.
And for years, actually.
Fisting was always this like, oh, look at this cool thing online, but I never wanted it to be part of my life. I never once took the steps of like training and finding a regular fisting playmate.
It just kind of happened.
And then once that happened, I was like, oh, okay, now I'm into fisting, Like, now I'm real I do it.
And what was it about that experience that made you jump headfirst into it?
That first experience was.
It fulsome It was with one of these amazing dumbs that just I never once said I was into fisting. I never once expressed interest. But after a nice long session, he just knew. He just knew when to put loub on his hand and slide it in, and it was amazing how he could just tell and he could read my body and it happened without any dialogue, any communication.
Now to clarify, that's not what I tell other people to do, and that's not whatever to say, Like, that's like I would tell everybody to, you know, communicate, talk to somebody, train, carefully, use toys. Like I don't think that the way that I got into fisting is necessarily a way that I would prescribe other people to get into fisting.
Just to put that out there, Yeah, I mean that seems kind of as a person who's like intofisting, like that feels I don't want to say crazy, but like I don't know, you're just sort of like it just sort of happened one day, you know. But I do understand, like as a fitting top, Like do understand being able to read someone's body and knowing when they're ready for it, because the body will tell you.
The body will tell you yeah, and my body was just like read, let's go.
Was it kind of tricky for you to get into the rhythm of it at first?
No, I found it very difficult. And I think a lot of first time fisters run into this issue where I have my first experience it's a ton of fun. I love it, I want to do it again. And then, for the first time ever, I have to start communicating this to potential partners. And it was actually quite difficult from that point on because there seemed to be a strange resistance to playing with a beginner, and I talk to a lot of beginners now and that seems to
still be the case, which is really unfortunate. And I feel like sometimes fisting Twitter and fisting media exacerbates this problem that we as a community tend to kind of prioritize very advanced bodies and very advanced tolls, and we don't necessarily make enough space for the beginners.
I mean, I think, as a fisting top who like we want, I have really big hands, and so beginners aren't always my favorite because the time commitment portion of it I don't always have. And it's not because I'm not interested in helping someone learn and grow. It's just because it's like I've only got two hours on a Wednesday.
There actually are guys out there who really erotically enjoy the process of training and working somebody open, and that's the dream, right, Like, if you're a beginner, you kind of want to find these guys that like opening a
new butt is kind of their fetish. So I would tell everybody to maybe make that your focus in the beginning, because yeah, I've trained beginner bottoms too, and they're always like, I'm gonna come over on Tuesday and I'm gonna take my first fist today and I'm like, Babe, I don't know how to tell you this, but it's not gonna happen the first time we try it. It's not gonna happen the first three times we try it. And that
is that is a huge commitment. That's a big time commitment. Yeah, I'm in New Yorker, I've got things to do.
Yeah, she's a busy girl.
She's a busy girl.
She's only got time for fingers today.
Sorry.
Yeah. Right.
So then what does that kind of entail? What should people expect if they're kind of starting out.
I think most people go to toys, and that's my advice to most people training or just starting out. One thing I commonly tell people is that you don't advance as fister with fists. You advance through toy play and solo sessions, because it's really about learning your own body and how something just feels up there. It sounds very unsexy, but you do have to kind of treat it like a gym membership, like once a week, I'm gonna sit on this butt plug and go really slow and use lots of lube.
And make it sort of my solo time.
And you do kind of have to keep a schedule, like if you're really seriously training, some people say you should be doing some ass play once a week, some people say it a couple times a week. I would say at least every two weeks. You're not necessarily fisting with other people every time. In fact, most of those times should be solo and with yourself, And that's what I recommend people do.
That's what I did.
Did you have a mentor to sort of help you along in this process?
Actually, I just met fisting friends fisting sisters. Yes, yeah, and we're still really close because of it. Like, if you're starting off as a fist bottom, your best friends are other fist bottoms who can tell you toy recommendations and their favorite lube. And yeah, it's like little things like that that you don't really think about that you need other bottoms to coach you through.
Now We've talked a bit about fisting bottoms, but I'm wondering if you have any advice for first time fisting tops. I feel like the conception for a lot of fisting tops is like, oh, well, you just throw some glub on your hand and like slowly slide in and you're good. Right, Like, what do fisting tops need to know and what do they need to be bringing to the table.
The saying in the fisting community is the best tops or verse guys or you know, former bottoms. I've known some tops that are very, very naturally skilled tops that have never taken a fist or aren't interested in taking a fist themselves and not interested in bottoming, but they are rarer. I think every top could benefit from at least trying to bottom a little bit, because otherwise you don't really know where you're going and how it feels.
And I became a better top after I had been fisting for years, and now I'm very very verse, and I fist top just as much as fist bottom. Now, if you're just starting off and you're not interested in bottoming, I'd say learn from a very experienced fist botto and ask questions and ask what feels good and it's okay to do kind of a clinical training session. I've done that with beginner tops sore. I've been like, look, this
isn't going to be sexy. This might not be the hottest session you ever have, but like, I'm going to go through the steps and be like, here's how you mix the lube, here's how you lay down blankets, and then I'll literally like do a diagram of my hand and I'll be like, okay, you start this way, and then it's just stop, go, stop, go, kind of traffic light telling him when to push forward, when to pull back. And it's not a sexy session, but it is how
you train somebody to top. And I think every aspiring fistop needs a few sessions like that.
So what feels good about fisting? In your own words?
So, I can't explain the pleasure behind it except that it's the best orgasm I can feel. It's the greatest physical pleasure I can experience.
And I don't know why.
Now there is something about watching someone get fisted and.
You're getting lost in the visual Right now now I am.
I'm thinking about the last time I fisted behind and I see it with you. It was truly magical and just watching that look on their face and like the pleasure that their body is receiving, it is like top tier. It's magic.
We You can also have an anal orgasm, right, Yes, I think I don't know if I've ever ejaculated from fisting, but I've had like a full body shaking anal orgasm.
Yeah, that's the whole New world.
Orgasms are kind of the best thing out there. Honestly, They're really because you can have like multiple of them, you can have back to back, and like it took me a long time to experience one.
And actually the first time I had an anal orgasm was at a big group fisting party where they were like fifteen slings set up and I swear it sounded like somebody was giving birth to a cow. I mean I just yelled for minutes, like just shouted.
That was it. It was great.
Okay, So not to harsh the vibe in the room, not to pull out my whole fist at once, but I'm curious. I do want to know about some of the risks involved with fisting. I know that some of them are highly stigmatized and exaggerated, but I know that some are practical concerns that we have to think about. What are some health and safety concerns that you'd encourage people to think about.
Several I mean, I've been fisting for well over a decade, and I've been involved in the fisting scene, and i know multiple friends that have been in the emergency room that have had surgery, that have had such severe injuries that they will never be able to fist to the same extent that they did before. If you get injured, you can get permanent scar tissue inside your rectum, and scar tissue doesn't stretch, so you can stop even your regular like not even fisting, but just anal sex life
for the rest of your life. So it is a high risk sex sport. But you can go too fast in the very beginning and push it, and because you're tight, you're going to get hurt or when you're going from like punches to like elbow, you know, and there's a lot of fists life between those two places, and it's always in those two spots very beginning or pretty advanced
that people seem to get pretty badly hurt. So people do need to think about gloves is a way to moderate risk and actually just going really slow and listening to your body and obviously using proper loube. But the biggest predicator of injury potential infesting is fisting on kims, on substances that override your own ability to read pain and read your own bodies limits. And everybody I know
who's gotten hurt and fisting has done so high. They were pushing it past their own limit and they weren't listening to their body, and that's how you get hurt.
Yeah, no, thank you for mentioning the kims and fisting, because I think as a sober person, it took me a long time to get back into fisting sober. It took a lot of conversations with people who do it, and just like being able to understand that, like fisting can happen without kims, and it can happen without poppers. Like I know people who take doubles without poppers, which is mind boggling to me, but they exist.
Sorry, I used to term doubles. Is that exactly what it sounds like?
It?
Sure?
Thank you?
Do you mean two heads? Double?
Doubles are my favorite thing?
Interesting, You guys should form a doubles team and then we'll go bowling.
It'll be great.
Yeah.
So I kind of wanted to address another misnomer. I think for a lot of folks, there's this idea that fisting quote unquote ruins other forms of sex, that like, once you've found fisting, you never want to do anything else. So I'm curious what would you say to folks that have that concern.
I have been fisting for well over ten years, and I love other kinds of sex, and I have a lot of other kinds of sex. I don't know any fisters who only fist. I don't know a single fister who like that's it.
I mean, I do have a friend who.
Always have a friend. If there's anybody that has a friend and it's Chris.
She does have other sacks, but she's less likely to prioritize that over a fisting appointment totally.
Like I went on a date recently with this guy and he wasn't into fisting, and we had a couple of dates and he was like, so are you going back and I'm gonna fucket your place? And I was like, I'm gonna be honest with you, dude. If I'm douching tonight, it's for fisting and you're not into fisting, so sometimes sometimes yeah, Like if you're gonna put in the work of cleaning out, yeah.
And that's the way it comes down to. He's like, if I'm douchinge, then I'm going to get a fist.
What does douching and preparation for fisting look like compared to getting fucked by a dick.
I don't know if there's a single monolithic answer to that.
Because some guys, these mysterious creatures out there, have these magical golden rectums that just work after one poop and they're spotless and they're fine. They tend to be vegan, and some people, like I fully admit here that I'm one of the people that takes a little bit longer, or my body's a little bit more funky. I have lactose in tolerance, and so I have to be much more careful with what I eat beforehand, and so my
duching regimen is going to be completely different. I know guys who spend twenty minutes and they're fine, they can get fisted all night. And I know guys who spend two hours getting ready and they're like, okay. I think I'm like mostly okay, and it all depends on your piping, your body, your system, but duching's not good for you, and I would tell most people to try and minimize the duching process as much as you can, especially since I.
Came to Europe.
I'm actually one of those people that I'm completely comfortable with just giving it a shot. If it's just a dick, I'll be like, well, let's just try it and if not, we can wash up after, Whereas I would never do that with fisting. I would never be like, let's just give it a shot and see.
How it goes. Like No, with fisting, I'm gonna imagine.
Three hours later, Yeah, yeah, What have you learned about yourself through fisting?
Actually, I've learned a lot about my gender, or the idea of gender, because when I first came out, I was like hard gay, like strictly gay.
I felt very very.
Sis and I went through a whole gender journey and I still feel very sis gender. But fisting gave me this space to sort of challenge that, and it certainly challenged my sexual orientation. And thanks to fisting, I realized I'm not strictly gay. I will have sex with any person of any gender. I have sex with men, women, transmn, trans women, and the great thing about fisting is that
gender wise, it's very equalizing. I've met so many amazing fist toop trans men who they're like, my hands are my dick, and they feel so empowered by fisting because everybody has hands in a butthole, so gender really becomes irrelevant in fisting. We all have the same parts, and anybody can be a top and anybody can be a bott of. Anybody can be dominant, anybody can be subby. I've never had a very strong connection to my dick.
I'm not a big dick guy. And there was a moment a few years ago in my fisting journey where I was like, oh my god, what does that mean? Am I broken? Shouldn't I have a strong connection to my dick? Does that mean that I'm not cisgendered? Should I start questioning this? And in the end I came to the understanding that I'm very cis gender. But I'm grateful that fisting gave me a space to ask those questions.
You know, when I was like hard fist bottoming a lot, I felt very connected to feminine energy, especially when I started adding like laingerie and stuff like that. And I find that that's true with a lot of fisters. We tend to be really comfortable with gender fluidity, with non traditional gender presentation because fisting as a culture renders gender kind of mood. We all have the same parts, we all have the same bodies.
I mean, like one time I was.
At Berkheim and I was like standing in a corner, like in my little red Jox trap and a tiny, petite Cis woman came up to me and like cruised me hard, and she was like, hey, I see you're wearing a red Jox trap. Does that mean you're into fisting? And I was like yes, and she was like cool, I have gloves and I have lube. I'm a fist top. And I was like fuck yeah. And in that moment I liked her energy and I was like, oh, you're a domb like you're alpha energy, and she was like tiny,
you know so much short. I'm like to her, I'm a relatively big guy. And I swear she could have led me around that club on a leash, like she was complete dumb energy. And in that moment I became complete sub energy. And it was beautiful because we were both into fisting, and so we spoke the same language, and so bodies gender. It all felt so irrelevant. We connected, We linked, and she was this amazing fist top and I was this quivering little fist bottom and it was great.
It was so hot and connections like that happened in fisting.
It was great.
This feels like a great place to take a break. So when we come back, we're going to be asking Alex for more tips and tricks for first time fisters and the fist curious.
Stay tuned, Welcome back. We're here with Alex Cheves, writer and expert fister, and in this act we're going to be pumping Alex for more practical advice that you can use the blossom into the fullest fister you can be. So in your book you talk about being HIV positive and I'm wondering, how does that relate to your fisting practice.
Well, I only started fisting after I was positive, so I don't know. I've been positive since before prep, so I still remember like dating before anybody knew about PREP and how awful it was. But actually, interestingly enough, when I first tested positive, and I was in my junior year in college, I had a really progressive, good doctor, and at that time it took a long time to get on medication. I would have to wait months before
I got my first meds. And so he was like, you know, there are safer sex practices that don't involve fluid transmission, and fisting is one of them, So if you want to try that, And in that moment, I was like, I would never.
And here we are, and here we are playing doubles.
Yeah, has PREP changed the fisting scene at all for you?
I don't know if PREP changed fisting for me, but PREP profoundly changed dating for me.
Yeah.
I actually tested positive the year that PREP was approved as a drug, but it seemed to take about two years at least in my memory, for it to become part of the gay ethos. And for those two years, the minute I told somebody that I was positive, I got blocked on every platform and every app. But the fear in the stigma was much higher, and PREP profoundly changed life for me, and I think for most HIV positive people, because suddenly negative people could protect themselves and
so they weren't as powerless. That certainly empowered people who are HIV negative, but empower people who are HIV positive too, because it made the stakes of having sex with someone a little bit lighter, a little bit more easy.
Yeah, we've talked a little bit about like Cynthia Slater and some fisting trailblazers throughout history on the podcast. But I'm curious, what's your sense of fisting as a historical practice. You know, we read back and it seems like it was quite popular, especially in the Bay Area in the seventies. So what is you sense of how like fisting has evolved throughout the years or sort of its historical context within our community.
I mean, we know that fisting has been around, like I mean in versions of the kamasuture, there's inserting a hand into a into an orifice, but we're doing a lot more than that now.
Shoulder deep, shoulders, yeah, hands coming out of my mouth. Yeah, that's the point. I love your ambition. I love you what a trendsetter.
I got really lucky in the fact that one of my first regular playmates was this very experienced had been fisting for forty years, Like he was fisting at the underground fisting clubs in San Francisco back in the mid seventies, and so he'd been fisting for most of his life by that point, and so he really was a great partner to learn from and train for and trained with. Actually, one time I just asked him what suddenly made us
start doing this? And he was very blunt. He said, when synthetic recreational drugs became widely available in the American public and ammal nitrates came out, he was like, fisting did take off. The intensity and the extreme ways that we play in festing do go hand in hand with substances a lot more so than I would say that another fetish scenes. And I think that only recently is there a generation of queer men who are critiquing that and re looking at fisting sober because we've lost so
many friends. We've had so many friends struggle with addiction issues, and fisting is kind of a gateway drug.
Another thing that I think scares people away from fisting. We got to talk about the prolapses. I think some people really love seeing them and some people get really freaked out when they see them. And I don't think prolapses are like specific to fisting, but they seem to go hand in hand if you will back in by porn Day's people love to like show their low prolapse and the calm leaking out at the end, and we all clap and it would be amazing. Some of them
were bigger than others. I'm not here to I'm not a size queen, right, but I'm wondering when it comes to fisting, are there any risks to one's body in terms of prolapses? And then how much of it is just sort of like fear at seeing the inside of someone.
I have to be very upfront and say, I'm not a doctor and I'm not a medical professional, so I don't know if I'm the most qualified to answer that. I know a lot of people who do prolapse. Do I personally believe that prolapsing is completely harmless? No, I don't, But I don't think that fisting as a whole is completely harmless. There is a certain point at which fisting
does become body modification. Yeah, in part because of fisting Twitter, we're all competing and uploading our videos and trying to outdo each other. And over the last ten years, I think that the frequency at which I hear about my friends getting injured has increased, and it seems that the level of intensity at which people are fisting has dramatically increased, and with that will come more risk because more intense fisting means a higher likelihood of injury. Fisting hasn't been
like this mainstream ever. So I will be one of the first generations to have grown up in a fisting community that I want get bigger. By the time I'm what forty to fifty, I'll have been fisting for like most of my sexual development, and so will have all my friends. And I'm really curious whether or not when we're there, we'll look back and say, oh, that fisting is dangerous. There very well could be long term health effects and deleterious health effects that come as a result
of frequent fisting. We actually just don't know because in the pre Internet days, fisting was niche and obscure and small, and so we just didn't have the kind of data on whether or not fisting was safe long term.
And let's face it, in the.
Eighties, everybody died, you know, and so we lost a whole generation, and so we lose that data. Yeah, now that people are living longer and queer men are living full lives as fisters, we've yet to see if fisting is safe long term.
I also feel like the age of people who are interested in fisting is getting younger and younger. Right Like when I started, obviously I was really young, but like the only people that were into fisting were in their forties and fifties and beyond. And now I know twenty three year olds who are gape investors, you know, like advance. I'm like, you're twenty three, what age should you start this process?
You know?
When I was twenty one, I remember when I was asking for somebody to train me or somebody to fist with me, the most common response was concern. Advanced fisting guys would be like, you're too young, you shouldn't be doing this yet. Which is interesting because now I know twenty one year olds that are like way past where
I am at, and that is fisting Twitter. That when something's regularly available and at your fingertips online, more and more people are going to do it at a younger at younger age, and there is a competitive element to fisting that really I think is the biggest danger in the scene and the biggest problem in the scene is the way it's talked about online is that it's a
goal oriented fetish. Everyone's like, I want to get to doubles or I want to get to punches, or I want to get past the elbow, and like they see it now as this fetish of growth and development that comes with like markers and tears, and I want to get to that marker, and then I want to get to that marker. And that is the wrong way to view fisting, and that's how people get hurt. That's a really dangerous way to you fisting, because the reality is that some bodies can't fist to the obo. Some people
have anatomy that can't fist deep. And by prioritizing and celebrating the very, very advanced fisters, it becomes an issue of like ableism and access almost like some bodies simply can't do that. And if we make that desirable, then people will feel like their bodies aren't desirable. And that's not the kind of fisting scene that I want to be part of that I participated.
So ox, I would love to know what is in your fisting kit, Like, oh, you have a go bag.
Fisting kit will vary if I'm going as a top or as a bottom. My fisting kit at the top is pretty it's pretty minimal. I mean, there's not a whole lot I need, so as a bottom usually bring toys. I'm a big toy queen. I always make my own loob. Everybody has a different kind of lube that they like, and there's a battle among fisters about who has the best formula. I have the best formula.
Are you willing to share? What is your concoction?
You need a blender for good loob or I use X lube and I mix Crisco into it. And when I was in the US, I used to use it was like a corn Huskers lotion. Used to be able to get it at like feed in seed stores. It was a kind of calming I know, right. It was like this cheap hand lotion for guys who worked out
in the fields. And I used to mix a little bit of corn huskers lotion into my concoction of jlube and Crisco, and I would actually add a tiny little dash of clove oil because clove is a natural anti inflammatory. Mix it in a blender and it's perferfect.
So I'm curious. I think we've all seen like the retro photos from like clubs in the meatpacking district with like giant things of chris Like. It feels like Crisco was sort of the fisting lube of the past. It's the throwback, it's the nostalgia factor. I'm shocked to hear that it is still used, and I'm curious, what's sort of the difference between something like Crisco and then are like alphabet of lubes that we have now like klube, jlube x lube.
Well, Crisco doesn't have to be mixed, so that's the thing. Crisco.
You just open it up and go the letter lubes like klube X lube, jlube, they start off as a powder and when you add water you turn them into lubes.
You have to make them.
There's drawbacks to both. Crisco stains everything. Crisco's not toy friendly to every kind of toy, whereas the water based ones, the ones that you mix. The powder ones are toy friendly across the board. You can use them with any kind of toy, silicone not silicone, whatever. And people like the fact that the powder based fisting lubes are customizable, so if you add more water, they become more runny,
more viscous. I like my loub to be really kind of thick and goofy, which means I increase the ratio of powder to water. But you can play with it, right you kind of find what you like your own mixture to be. But with the powder ones, jlube is highly highly slippery. Excellute is highly slippery. I mean people fall all the time from this stuff. Whereas Crisco has a little bit more give, more grit, more texture. You're
not completely incapacitated if you're covered in it. You just kind of slimy with the mixing loubs and you can't like do anything with your hands until it's off.
It is kind of intense, and trying to wash it off is like a process.
Absolute nightmare.
I mean, somebody watching this is gonna is gonna use one of these lubes and they're gonna be scrubbing for forty five minutes trying to get the shit off them. And so I want to tell them right now the secret is salt. Yeah, Salt breaks down the bond of most powder loubes with the water and it makes it run off. So get like a couple things of like cheap grocery store or salt that has like the thing you can really pour it and just cover your hands in salt, and never share loub because that, that too
is a good health rule. Yes, never share lube. I want to broadcast that to everybody. Never share lube. It's not safe.
Yeah, because some folks put kims in theirs and they don't tell you that they put kyms in there. So if you're like using your fisting and they're like all of a sudden, you're like, oh, that's that's an interesting sensation.
See, yeah, that's spicy. Is there like a sanitation reason as well? Like everyone's just like dipping their hands in, Like, what's the primary reason you should not be sharing lube?
Well, so think about it.
If there's like a central tub and your hand is inside someone's rectum and it's dipping back into the same vat that hands and other people's rectums have been inside, it's just an easy formula for infection and easily formula for spreading gut bacteria. And that's how you walk home from a fisting event with like H colorI and E.
Coli. Yeah, don't share loube.
How should people find the sea insane partners to fists?
Oh my god, I think that's a really hard question across all of gay sex, because it doesn't matter if you're into fisting or anything else. The tools that we have available to meet sex partners are the same. We all have in person events and we have the Internet. Yeah, if anything, I would say that people who are willing to have a dialogue beforehand and talk about limits and boundaries and experience is a good way to sort of
filter out the people who you shouldn't play with. One common thing that I did when I was just getting started is I would meet a fist top and I would ask him, oh, well, what kind of loob do you like? And if he was just like, oh, you know, regular loob, I'd be like, I don't know, I don't think.
This is a matter yeah morning, well yeah really, but seriously, like you do have to kind of use stuff like that. And then if somebody was like, oh well I have my special formula, I'm like, all right, good, you know what you're doing. Somebody has that level of knowledge. It's not a guarantee that they're going to be a good fisting partner, but it does show that they know at least a little bit about websisting entails.
Yeah, earlier we were talking about some of the potential risks of harm and stuff that folks should look out for. But I'm curious about duration. Is there a time period where you could be fisting for too long? Like is there sort of an ideal window where you're like, all right, we should take a break, or we shouldn't go longer than like X amount of time.
You know, I really like a long session as long as you do frequent breaks. I think there's no problem doing a long session. I mean, I've I mean doing fulsome Berlin, I'm fisting like most days in a row, you know, for four or five days, and so No, I don't know if I think that there's an objective limit. That said, when you add substances to the mix, then it's harder to read that limit. I had my own history with drugs that thankfully is really healthy now, at one point it was not.
And the only times that I have ever.
Felt like I pushed it too far that I know that I skirted injury because of endurance, because of how long I was fisting was on substances that eliminated my ability to read my own body. Like one time I was in Fire Island Pines and I did a marathon, druggy fisting session with the guy who had huge hands, and I overdid it and I bruised my rectum and I had painful poops and I had to go back to the hospital in New York and the doctor was like,
you're fine, You're just bruised and really sore. Like it was a really really good gay doctor, and I told him everything. I told him exactly what I did, and he was like, this was a warning, Like you're not injured, but that's because you stopped when you stopped, and if you had kept going, you probably would.
Have been injured.
And so that comes from keems, not from fisting. Like if I had been sober, I would have recognized that I was starting to get sore, because you can feel in an ass when someone's starting to heat up, when someone's starting to wear out, Like when I'm fisting a bottom, even before he's aware that he's getting a little sore and tired, I can actually feel it. The tissue gets warm and inflamed, and if you're fisting some much, you
can feel that inflammation happened. And then normally as a top, I'll say, all right, I think it's time to take a pause.
Yeah, can we talk a little bit about aftercare.
I take a depository and that kind of keeps it like not rollen and painful. Like fisting does cause damage, It does cause inflammation, It does cause pain. Post fisting, kind of look for care, look for any damage, and not go too hard anymore. I mean, like, I know guys who will do a lot of heavy toy play after after a fisting session. I wouldn't do a heavy play after a fisting session.
No, that sounds that sounds crazy.
Yeah, yeah it's not. Yeah, it's not the best.
So this is cruising confessions. I would love to hear some of your wild cruising confessions, whether it be from fisting, sex work or your life in Berlin.
My most beautiful fisting experience as the top was when I was in sex work in New York. I had this regular client. He was significantly older, and he lived in this beautiful apartment and everything in his apartment was cream colored. It was all milky and cream and silk.
He was a really advanced fist bottom. I mean, we talked about prolapses earlier, but he could push out his prolapse pretty significantly, and when it happened, I told him I'm sorry, but this is such a design triumph because this is the only color in this room, is this one little spot of red. And I'm like, you've almost orchestrated.
This as like he absolutely did.
That is literally the pop of color literally popped and I was like, oh my god, that's amazing.
But he was.
He was a client that I had a lot of really beautiful conversations with, and he was the old guard. He lost everybody he lived through the eighties. He was an AIDS activist. He was so small that I could literally cradle him in my arms and like rock him with my forearm and he just kind of held onto my neck, and I felt like I was caring for one of our elders in a way that felt meaningful and beautiful. And he was lonely and he wanted just
some company. He wanted just some fisting every now and then. But it evolved into a really intimate and loving relationship. It was beautiful, really really lovely person. But that's not the hottest thing I've ever done. The problem is, like cruising confessions, fisting is it something that you kind of cruise to do. Fisting is like a date that you schedule and you prepare your home space for it. I tend to not do it in public. Fisting for me is now like a one on one experience, and so
it's not that wild. I don't have any like wild fisting stories because fisting is like my intimate sex. Whereas I can go to black party and have sex with like fifty people and that's that's fun. That's great, but that's not You shouldn't fist at black party. What was the black party that they did. It was the last one they did in Manhattan and everybody hated it. It
was called Dark Matter. Do you remember that one? There was this really hot muscle fisting couple who every fister in New York was after and was really into, and they were fist thing on the dance floor and they were really putting on a show and they were fisting like right in front of everyone on the dance floor, and then they ran off the dance floor really quickly because the guy had like we saw like a line of shit like going down the dance floor, and so
I mean, he wasn't fully ready, and like it happens, It's gonna happen to everybody. But that's why you don't do it on a dance floor, correct, in front of New York ravers.
Like, yeah, it's just the way the girls are bumping into each other on the dance floor. People are never aware of their space sometimes, so I'm like, if your hands are inside somebody and you've got like millimeters of leeway, I'm not trying to get you know what I mean. I'm a clumsy girl. I don't want another clumsy girl
that could not be me. Yeah, yeah, that's wild. Well, Alex, we have almost reached the end of our interview, but there's so much more we want to know, so we are going to ask you some rapid fire questions.
If you're down, is that all right?
Oh my god? Yeah sure, Okay.
I know fisting takes a lot of preparation. You got to get the blender out, you got to mix your proprietary thing. But we're gonna make a quick and dirty.
Now, if that's all right? All right, describe your snippy's profile pick.
Honestly, I take really stupid pick, so it's probably and I cannot take a shirtless pick without sticking my tongue out, so I probably look like like Miley Cyrus when she was like always sticking out her tongue.
All right, describe the last person you fucked in three.
Words, Harry, toxic and precious? Was it me? Was that?
Me?
Did? I? Was?
I in Berlin?
Wow?
Wow?
All right?
So if you're meeting somebody for a fisting session, do you prefer their place, your place, or a third place?
Only their place? Almost exclusively their place?
Yeah?
What is your most controversial take related to sex and queer life?
If I could tell one thing to people who are just getting started sexually, the queer community places an outsized value on sex, and I would just say it is important. Sexism, it's great. I've spent my entire life being very sex positive and very slutty, and I would want everyone to do the same. But after you have a lot of sex, you'll learn that you know, it's great. It's a fun way to spend a Saturday night, But it's not as important as I think a lot of us go through
our lives believing it is. I would still want everyone to find sexual confidence, but you don't have to constantly climb or build or do more and more and more. It's okay to just kind of coast. I would never want anybody to feel, especially with fisting. I would never want anyone to feel like they have to reach a certain level in order to think that beyond that level it's great. There is no magical level at which fisting or any kind of sex is just great. It's always just sex.
Yeah, I can relate to that.
That sounds like a great way to end our episode. Yeah, Alex, this has been a really incredible conversation. But before we let you go, where can folks find your work? And what's next on the horizon for you?
There is a second book coming, but the first book is available whoever books are sold, and you can follow me on all the social media platforms. The handle is bad Alex Cheeves And if anybody's interested in Berlin nightlife, follow Hinterhouse Magazine. I'm the editor of a magazine here and it's a fun magazine to check out.
All right, well, we've heard Alex's wild cruising confessions, but in our final act we're going to hear an actual cruising confession from one of you. Will it's a past one of Alex's stories. I highly doubt it, but let's stick around and see. Ye.
Hey, Sniffy's my cruising confession recently happened at a park in Brooklyn. So I was walking my dog up on the hill. I see these two guys pretty close to one another. They look sexy from afar, so we go check it out. As we're walking up the hill, it starts drizzling and there's a tree. So my dog goes and takes some shelter, and I get closer to these guys and even sexy, you're up close and they are
up to no good. And so I decided to take shelter with these guys, and you know, we start making out and doing hand stuff and doing mouth stuff and yeah, as we're blowing one another and you know, getting more into it, it starts raining more, more downpour. We're absolutely drenched. And this continues on until the first guy comes and then I come, and then the guy at our knees
just goes, man, you too are like a waterfall. And after that, I wipe the come away and I grabbed my dog and we walked down the hill and the sun comes out and I am feeling excellent. Thank you for the load sniffies.
I was like, where was the dog? We lost track of the dog. The dog, What was the dog doing in the rain?
It's just like hanging out. Just walk. Yeah, I am not a fan of hooking up in the rain.
I'm from Florida.
We don't fuck around with around the rain. I don't know. I guess I gotta take more walks and parks. I'm not I'll be the dog.
You can walk me and then well, yeah, we'll use it as.
A pretty does a dream come true?
Yeah?
Sorry, my dog was taking shelter right next to where you were doing hands stuff things gave people doing fur the dogs a lovely cruising confession and thank you for sharing. If you'd like to hear your own cruising confession on an upcoming episode of this podcast, you can always call our Cruising Confessions hotline at three zero two two one nine three eight nine eight. Please call in and share. I love listening to these. It's my favorite part of the show. So now that we're at the end of
the episode, I have to ask. The beginning, you sort of mentioned that you were kind of sure that like, fisting isn't for you. Has that changed based on our conversation today?
Yeah, So there was a.
Moment where Alex was like, I'm lactose intolerant, I can still fist and I was like, wow, representation, That's what I needed to see. Right when we got to the prolapse as part and some of the dangers, and I understand all sex is a calculated risk, right, We all take calculated risks in in search.
Of pleasure living in New York.
Absolutely, yeah, I take a calculated risk going to get groceries, all right, So like totally understand that. But when we did get to the injuries and prolapse part, I was like, I think my ratio of not being interested when from ninety nine to one hundred, Okay, me and my vowels, you know, we've got an interesting relationship. I understand they're they're a very uneasy girl. Yeah, And so I just I don't know if fisting bottoming is for me, if that will ever be for me.
No, I was wondering more.
I knew you would never be a fisting bottom, but I was, well, what.
Gave it away so much?
But I'm wondering if you were more interested in exploring fisting as a top.
I yeah, maybe it's not something I'm seeking out, But you know, if you're if you're served a delicious plate, why would you not How are you going to say no, you got to take a bite. Yeah, take one bite and then dip it in the case. That's not a metaphor. I don't know why that came up in my head. It's not that's not any sort of new slang.
Oh.
Very grateful to Alex. We're making the call the Away from Berlin as well to take us through our very first fisting episode. I'm kind of surprised it took us until season three. I've been dying to dive in. I couldn't think of anyone to do it better with than Alex Chevez. And again a reminder. His memoir is titled My Love Is a Beast Confessions. All right, we'll see you all next time. Safe fisting?
Is that what we all say?
Safe fisting? Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is directed by Adam Barron, produced by A. Menda Kauper and Cameron Femino, and executive produced by Eli Martin.
Cruising Confessions is presented by Snippy's, the ultimate map based cruising platform. We're gay by curious people ready to cruise. Check out the map at snippies dot com and Paul Snifchees at Snippy's app.
Cruisers are a community do your part in keeping us safe. Learn more about protecting your sexual health at healthy sexuals dot com.
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