Well, hello all you beautiful people. You know what time it is. Ladies and gents, guys and dolls and everyone in between. Gather around. Get you something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on. Cuz it's time for Smite Club. Here's your hosts, Chelsea and Hannah. [Music] [Laughter] Hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club.
I'm Chelsea. And I'm Hannah. And this is the podcast where we are two licensed mental health professionals who sometimes daydrink, sometimes don't, and review romance novels of varying caliber. What caliber is today's? Pretty mid. mid. Like when I text you yesterday and said, "I made some cookies. They taste fine, but they look mid." Yeah. You're like, "That's the energy of this book." Yeah. I mean, it's fine to read, but it's pretty mid if you think about it too hard. So, we are reviewing
The Billionaire's Obsession. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Don't tell me. No, I'm so excited. Is this what I think it is? It is. It's Jan. [ __ ] yeah, Jan. It's Jan. JS Scott. We're back, baby. She's here. And here's the really fun part about Jan and a lot of her like deeper cuts, okay? Is that a lot of them were released in multiple parts and then she just re-released them as one book. Ah,
and this is one of them. There's like five parts, but it's still somehow only 250 pages or whatever. Was she like releasing it where you like pay So you'd pay for like 50 bucks? 50 pages at a time? Not 50 bucks. 50 pages. Yeah, basically, I guess. Okay. Yeah. So, this is not like this is all of them together. And just question because obviously I haven't read this one. Um, is it clear that there's five different sections or is it like edited to like be a little more cohesive again?
Part one, mine for a night and then it goes into [ __ ] it. We don't need chapters. We just need five parts. Part two, mine for now. Like it's very delineated. Um, and um, part of why this one was chosen is because Chelsea, this takes place in Tampa. I knew Jan wouldn't let me down. I knew she would give my hometown the representation it deserves. And let me tell you how that
representation starts. Okay, so Simon has been obsessed with Carara, who works for his mom in one of her restaurants for like over a year, but he's never talked to her. He just can see her when she walks home because he lives between the restaurant and her apartment. And so he follows her home every night to make sure she gets home again for like a year. So on just to make sure she's safe. Nothing weird. Don't be Don't make it sketchy. Why are you being weird?
Stop. It It didn't It was simple. It was beautiful. He was making sure she was safe. You [ __ ] twisted that beauty into something nefarious. You are perverting something sacred right now. So, we very quickly establish that um he doesn't do feelings. He's only here to [ __ ] Like, she's just super hot. He just wants to make sure she gets home. Okay. And but not cuz he likes her, just cuz at some point the machine will want to [ __ ] her.
Right. You get it? And so one of the first thoughts he has is, "I can't believe she walks home so late at night every night. Doesn't she realize this is Tampa?" Excuse me. I mean, depending on the part, that is a very valid statement, but like he's in a penthouse, like a building with a door man. [ __ ] what? Okay, so knowing where he lives, it's probably not it's not that part. It's not the rough part of Tampa.
You're like, "Good sir, you bought that million multi-million dollar penthouse for 201190 or something." There's one particular zip code that's been in a lot of rap songs for out of Tampa and I can't remember it. It doesn't matter. Um but anyway, um so she walks by. He's waiting for her. She seems to be running late, but she finally walks by. Um and he is he has like cute aggression. She's so hot that he's mad about it. But he's like, "Damn it, she's so attractive." Like what?
Why are you upset about it? What? Well, and I feel like damn, she's so attractive is really different than damn it, she's so attractive. Just the the one word it really makes a large contextual difference. Like, be less hot for [ __ ] sake. So, tonight he's like, "Tonight is the night. I'm going to talk to her. I've been silently following her and showing up at my mom's restaurant when I know she's working for a year. I've never spoken to her. Tonight's the night.
Tonight's the night. So, Cara is having a bad day. Like a no good, pretty bad, awful day. And she's in borrowed clothes because she spilled coffee, I think, all over herself. And so she's wearing like one of the other servers clothes. It's like a mini skirt and like a a V-neck top or something. And she she hasn't eaten anything. She's in her last semester of nursing school. She's 28. She's exhausted. She's just trying to get home. I don't know why my notes with no other
context just say parents are dead. I'm pretty sure that that's how it happens in the book though where like she's having this internal monologue and you're like wow I'm learning a lot. Okay, nursing school 28 parents are dead. Like it's a lot that we're learning about her. So she starts to get laded because she hasn't eaten anything and she very nearly passes out when she hears someone
start calling her name. And so some dude picks her up and carries her somewhere and she is just like along for the ride. That would be deeply unsettling. You've had a long day at work. You're not feeling great. You're about to pass out and suddenly a rando is carrying you somewhere. Yeah. Put me down. Yeah. I don't mean to brag, but I have passed out in the street before. And I got to say, even when it was someone I knew, I was like, "What? No. Put me down." [Laughter]
I once got drunk on the streets of I guess not Tampa. It was St. Pete. Pretty close. But it was my ex-boyfriend. And I was like, "You cannot." I I refused to go anywhere with him to the point that I then laid down and fell asleep in the street and he had to call another friend. It was not my best moment. Similar but different. I think I might have told you about
this. I I almost passed out. did pass out fairly recently when I was with Matt and I just kept trying to lay down in the street in downtown Atlanta at Five Points, y'all. No, that's not where we lay down. That's not where we lay down. But I just really was trying a lot. Okay, so maybe we should give Simon more credit cuz I'm I'm out here being like, "What? No, do not let a rando pick you up off the street. But also, there are some streets. You might want to be picked up from.
Yeah, I'll give her that. Yeah, you This isn't where we lay down. No. Um, so she does she she is not panicking that some random stranger has picked her up, but she is shocked that it's so easy for him to lift her. And it is concerning how easy it is for him to convince her to stay with him for the night or Yeah. He's like, "Stay with me. You're clearly not well. Just stay here. It'll She has low blood sugar, not a chronic illness. Give her some Skittles and money for a
cab. What? Hey, I bought you a muffin and called you an Uber. You should be all set, right? I put my number in your phone. If you're interested, hit me up. Just stay with Yeah. But no, he's like, "Just stay here." And she's like, "Okay, what else do I have going on?" Twisted my arm about it. I love Jan so much. And he sends his assistant to get her belongings from her apartment. Like takes her keys from her purse, gives them to his assistant, and is like,
"Don't worry about it. I know where she lives. go get her stuff. What the [ __ ] What the [ __ ] He calls the doctor to check on her cuz he's that concerned. He feeds her. She's that rich. He makes sure she eats, she's resting, and then he's like, "You aren't going to work anymore. You don't need to do that. You don't need to do that." And she's like, "My notes say a couple of weak protests and immediately asleep." It's like, "No, asleep."
She's like, "What?" Okay. So, there's some bigger conversations still to be had come morning. Yeah. Yeah. So, she wakes up, she showers, she puts on a robe that she finds. She's like, "Where am I? It looks like a nice place. Hopefully I'm not in mortal mortal danger or anything. You know what? She's just she's just waking up in a random. She's like, "It's cool. I'll just shower. I'm not getting naked in an apartment where I don't know where
I am or how I got there. My first instinct is not to then disrobe, make myself more vulnerable, right?" No. No. I'm likely going to the kitchen and finding a knife. Yeah. Yeah. Like she does make her way to the kitchen after her shower for coffee. Yeah. And that's where she finds Simon and there's weird sexual tension of course already happening. And he's like, "Hey, just so you know, I did send my assistant to your apartment yesterday, but um you've been evicted." What?
This feels like when we reviewed The Perfect Fit by Satie Concincaid and there wasn't actually a cockroach problem, right? No, this is real. So, she's actually been evicted. She's actually been evicted because her roommate that she's been living with um was just taking her money and not paying the rent. And so, all of her belongings are gone. like her entire apartment has been cleared out. She has nothing. Her roommate has absconded into the night and that's it for her.
And so she has a total breakdown which is very understandable. Yeah. You know, that's a that's a justifiable breakdown. Jan really starts a book with a bang. She really does. And immediately Cara goes into, "Okay, well, I'm going to have to drop out of school. I'll have to see if I can find like a shelter to stay in or something because I don't have like we're paycheck to paycheck over here. Like there's no way that I'm going to be able to do this.
Um, and one thing I forgot about Jan but did recall in reading this is that she uses the word elemental in a way where I have a princess bride moment every time I read it where I'm like, "You keep using that word. I don't think you know what that means. That means what you think it means. Yeah. I don't think I don't think that's it. But constantly the connection is elemental. And so he insists that she stay with him um until she can get back
on her feet. And um there is one condition to her being allowed to stay there and that is that she quit her job and allow him to fully financially support her which doesn't feel like a condition to me. Feels like a perk. Those are strings Pinocchio. Like, yeah, I'm sorry. Just until she gets back on her feet, though. Right. And then Right. Right. Right. Right. But she does have to quit her job, so she has no means to make money to be able to get back on her feet.
Yeah. Yeah. Jan. Yeah. Jan. Matt and I were watching a movie recently where like the the spicy, messy bestie character was talking about how she's like dating this older man and she's like super into it and like they have an arrangement or whatever. And the friend is like, "So, so like a sugar daddy is what you have?" And she's like, "Um, I wouldn't say that. I would say that he's my sponsor. He sponsors me. He sponsors me. And I was like, you know, I dig it. I like the energy.
Here's the thing. I think in a younger season of my life, I wanted to talk [ __ ] on people who looked for sponsors in that regard. No way, man. And now I realiz it was just my insecurity that I didn't think I was hot enough to find a sponsor. Sure. For sure. Mhm. If I believed I was hot enough to find a sponsor when I was in my early 20s, we probably wouldn't even have this podcast right now. I was going to say we'd be in different places doing different things. We really would. Yeah, man.
Pretty privilege is a real thing. We're not unattractive people. No, but I would not say that I am to the level where someone would pay me to be around so they could look at me. Like I don't think I'm that pretty. Not just my face at least. Yeah. I don't know. I I've had a kid. I don't even think my tits are that good. But like boobs are boobs, you know? Boobs are boobs. That's so true. Um, so we do I forgot to mention this is
dual point of view. So we get like random sprinkles of like their thoughts and stuff. And so during this conversation, Simon is thinking like he is consistently hard like all the time when she's around. She is sobbing her eyeballs out about being evicted and is snotting all over him and he's like, "Yeah, I'd still hit it though." Like that's the energy the entire time. and she's really confused and she's like, "Wait a minute. So, like, what do you want? Like, I'm getting a pretty great
deal here, right? Like, a place to stay. You're paying all my bills. You're paying my tuition. So, what do you want?" And he says that he wants one night of total surrender, hence the title, mine for a night. And so he finger bangs her to completion and then is like, think about it. Yeah. Like what? Yeah. But then he's like, but it's not a requirement though. So, if you're not into it, that's cool. But this is what I would like.
I would like one night of total surrender in exchange for paying for everything for you. But if that's not something you're willing to offer, no problem at all. I'll still pay for everything. No skin off my teeth. Yeah. So, she's like, "Okay, well, I I can't I can't do that." So, I know. I'll cook for him. I'll be his cook. I won't give you a night of total surrender, but I will make you a pretty good grilled cheese and tomato Sammy.
Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. And she is close friends with someone, a doctor who runs a free clinic named Maddie. And they're like best friends and they like volunteer together. very tight relationship. So, she calls her friend Maddie who's like, "You know, you can also stay with me. Like, you don't we don't want to be doing all that. You don't actually have to have to stay with a stranger that you met last night." Yeah. Yeah. But of course, Cara's like, "I could never." Like, why not?
But you could with this dude you've never met before, right? Quite frankly, Hannah, I'm willing to let you inconvenience yourself for me way before I'm going to go live with a stranger. Someone who picked me up off the street, literally. Oh god. Yeah, like Matt might need some time to adjust, but like he'll figure it out. Um, so a week goes by and they've just been awkwardly avoiding each other.
She's like preparing meals and leaving them for him to find and like they're like not ever actually engaging with each other, but then exactly what Simon hoped this arrangement would be, right? He's getting everything he hoped for, but then they wind up bonding over video games because she like goes to tell him that lunch is ready or
something and sees into his office. So again, because Jan really separates her characters into whole people, he's a tech billionaire, which is very different from her other novels where they're tech billionaires. No, no, no. This is the Florida cohort, right? It's Tampa. Um, so there may actually even be different Florida cohorts. There are there are Is the other one like West Palm? Is it South Florida? Yeah. Yeah, there's one in South Florida, but I can't remember exactly where.
Um, so they have this cute little bonding moment and they kind of admit like I actually kind of enjoy you. Like I would like to spend time with you. Um, and as they're bonding, as things go, Cara reveals that her ex cheated on her, which is why she's been single for a while. Mhm. And Simon has never been in a relationship before except, this is my notes, except that one time when he was 16, but we don't talk about that. What?
Um, and so some of her um heirlooms and things kind of disappeared when her apartment got cleared out. And so he reveals that he's been looking for some of the things that Cara had mentioned before were really important. And he found her mother's ring in a pawn shop and that's a really big deal for her. And so they immediately make out. Um and Cara is like, "You know what? That deserves a make out session." Yeah. She's like, "One night you say tonight is the night."
Oh. And so she knows surrender involves more than just a little make out, right? She does because he immediately ties her up and blindfolds her. And my notes say a man with a plan like because it happened so fast. It happened so fast. Um yeah. And so of course they have like incredible sex, but he won't let her see him or touch him. But everybody's satisfied. And um he then immediately gets dressed and carries her back to her room and tucks
her into her own bed. And she's like, "Oh my god, he's so tortured. I can help him." And that's the end of part one. Part two, mine for now. So, Simon wakes up and Cara isn't in the condo and he starts to freak out and then she suddenly texts and says that she's fine. She's just at the police station and Simon is like the what the [ __ ] now? What?
Yeah. Um and so he marches his grumpy ass right down to the police station and the clinic where she volunteers with Maddie was robbed at gunpoint and she got shot at. while like protecting a child in the the waiting room. So, the guys threatened her. They stuff like, you know, we're going to find you, whatever. Um before they ran away. And um Simon immediately runs in and is like, "Why aren't you doing more to protect her?" or whatever [ __ ] [ __ ] And turns to Maddie and is like, "Don't
worry. I'll protect her now. And it's like, what? And Maddiey's like, "Of course you will." I was like, "I was rooting for you, Maddie. What the fuck?" Like, she's like, "This stranger seems to get it." Yeah. No, Maddie, you should once again remind her that she can come live with you. Yeah, we should make a second offer. Um, but Simon, just to be clear, that offer doesn't have an expiration date. No, no, it stands. Yes. standing offer. Whenever you need it, I have the room for you.
Yep. We will make the room. And so Simon then takes Cara to dinner and they have a really lovely time. He's like, "We're just getting you some space from all of this." And he asks if he can just hold her for a little while. Um because he was really freaked out by the whole situation. And so um they wind up [ __ ] on the couch and he blinked. I took a sip of my drink. They were still at the restaurant.
Now they're banging. He gets all freaked out that he's not going to be able to do it because she's not tied up. Um he can only get hard if he ties a woman up. Yeah. And so she coaxes him into restraining her arms. Um and then they have a great time. Here's the thing. I have some questions. Yeah. Mhm. Will they get answered? No. Okay. I mean, maybe. I honestly it we'll see. We'll see. She's like, I know that he has some hang-ups, but maybe I can help him get over some of
them. Maybe not all of them. Like, maybe he won't ever be able to [ __ ] me unrestrained. But it it's very bizarre. Um, and she then also realizes that he's not ready to share a bed with her. And so she's just like, "I've enjoyed this time we've had together." And goes to shower in her own room. I do actually kind of respect that
though. It is nice that it's not like we're immediately all up in each other's [ __ ] Even though that's kind of the premise of the book, it's still it recognizes the increased intimacy of sharing a bed past just having sex, you know. Yeah. Well, and I think more than that though, I was thinking more about the like, oh, she recognized like a boundary and a limit for him and like is figuring out when to push those limits, when to respect them and is like, "Oh,
recognizing this is a thing. Okay, no problem. Sure. This was great. I'm going to go back to my room now." Versus like making it a larger ordeal than it needs to be or like personalizing it. Yeah. like internalizing it, making your partner feel shame because of it, those sorts of things. So, like I do actually kind of appreciate that that's how she navigated that. Mhm. Mhm. And then again, another week flies by. Another week. Another week.
There's something about Jan's chaos writing that is just comforting. Yeah, it's nice. It is. Where you have to go back and read the last paragraph to make sure you didn't miss a transition. It's nice like cuz you didn't you didn't you didn't at all and there's something nice about it. So you know this tech billionaire is too busy for transitions. Sorry, what were you saying? So Cara is having coffee with Simon's mom because lest we forget Carara worked for Simon's mom up until
that fateful night. Boy, I bet mom had some questions. Um, she's actually super excited about how close Cara and Simon are getting and is like, she's like, "Well, I've always loved you. Like, you you you're such a great employee, right? You're so lovely." And then weirdly hints at some kind of trauma that happened to Simon when he was 16, but we don't get any additional information. And so Cara goes home um because Simon cannot cook. That's like a a plot point.
He struggles. And so Simon is like, "If you don't come home, I'm going to make a grilled cheese or something." And she's like, "Oh no." And she decides that she is going to be dessert first for the evening. Oh. So, Simon is in his home gym because every one of these guys has a home gym and he is getting Hannah, I have a home gym. Well, but these tech billionaires in penthouse apartments with a gym, it hits very differently. It doesn't for me really. The gyms don't like Okay.
Like Vance and I were even watching a renovation show recently and Uh, one of the people in their basement, instead of putting in a gym, they put in a pickle ball court, which I don't think was regulation. That's not the point. But Vance and I were like, "Okay, if we were in that house, yeah, okay, we would just like take out the pickable net. That's exactly where the gym would go. No problem." Like it really like
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I do think when you're like, "Yeah, you got to set up the weights and like you got to make sure that like you have whatever equipment you want and that like it can hold that weight and this that and the other, but I'm I'm like, "Oh, yeah. No, that that one actually I have like no issue with." Fair enough. Of all of the of all of the things I do find issue with in these books, that one not an issue for me.
Understood. Appreciate different perspectives. So she came home and said, "Smack my ass and call me Tiramisu." That was the plan. That was the plan. But he was he is getting out of the shower that's attached to the gym. Mhm. And he forgot that um he forgot his clothes in his room. So he is naked with a towel or whatever. And Cara comes in and sees he has scars, like scarred up real bad all over.
Um, and Simon starts to panic that like she's seeing him and like all his scars and everything and he's like, "Oh my god, I'm hideous." And Cara is like, "Oh my god, that's the hottest thing I've ever seen in my life. He's dessert first." And gives him his first [ __ ] Oh. ever. Yeah, cuz he's never let a woman see him before or interact with her unrestrained. So, hope you liked it. Well, my next note is his heart is full. So, yes, he did. His heart is full. His heart is full.
His heart is full and his penis is empty. Oh, no. empty penis and empty Would you have preferred his balls are empty? I didn't like any of it. But like, no, Chelsea, that really wasn't the part I took issue with, actually. But I do think balls empty is better. But anyway, it's Simon's birthday the next day and she is looking hot and they start making out in the elevator. Um, and then there's more sex and it's more of like he has to turn her around at a certain angle and hold her hands and
[ __ ] like that to restrain her. It seems like a lot like a big production. Um, and this whole time she's trying to remind herself like we're still casual like there's not Mhm. We've not discussed past this. Like, I can't be catching feelings for him. I'm like a convenient [ __ ] because I live in his apartment. Like, this is not I don't need to be making it bigger than it is. Um, and so they go to his birthday party
that his mom is throwing. Um cuz obviously I know his mom was chill about there. But I'm also like you just lost an employee because she moved in with your son that she hasn't known this whole time and you don't have concerns about that. You're like, "Oh, I'm so glad he found such a nice girl after that trauma he went through when he was 16 that we don't talk about." Like what?
Yeah. Well, and it also had this weird energy that like the mom knew that Simon would come by the restaurant to check her out, like to check Cara out specifically. It's just a very convoluted situation. And at the birthday party, Cara gets a little bit overwhelmed. And so she goes outside and she sees Simon with this blonde woman kind of all over him. Um, and basically making a deal to trade jewelry for sex. The the girl is like, "Oh, you know, it's been a while since you called me.
there's this tennis bracelet I've really been wanting. Like we should definitely schedule a time to get together. Um and she's definitely like feeling him up as well. And so Cara panics and takes off down towards the dock. There's always a dock. She takes off toward the dock um to kind of process and remind herself that like, hey, this I don't really have a right to be upset about this. Like he didn't make me any promises. And don't we basically
have the same arrangement? Like Yeah. You're like, "It's not a diamond tennis bracelet, but it is nursing school tuition." My whole education and rent and board. Mhm. So, um Simon's brother Sam, okay, startles her down at the dock and um he is very obviously drunk and he says that um he's like, "Hey, so just so you know, whenever this whole arrangement between you and Simon is done, I would like to pick up that arrangement. Give me a call." and it's super gross.
And she smacks him full in the face and takes off and um she finds Simon's driver that had brought them to the party and is like, "Take me home. Like, I don't want to be here." Mhm. I I can't be here anymore. So, um Cara is gone when Simon gets back to the condo. So, it's empty and there is a check and a note and a birthday gift on the counter when he gets home. And um it's her dad's lucky penny or
whatever um is the birthday gift. Um and uh she basically wrote him a check for whatever he would have spent or whatever. Um, and he checks in with the security who apparently has been trailing Cara this whole time. Um, and they're like, "Oh, yeah, she's at Maddiey's house. She's safe." So, Simon thinks that she left because his brother is a douchebag and he's pretty livid about it. And he's like, "I get that she's upset. I'll give it a little time, but like she's coming
back here. Like obviously, you know. Yeah. I'm not gonna be punished for my brother's [ __ ] Um, so you'll just be accountable for your own actions. Correct. Not even punished, just accountable. Yep. Yeah. The natural consequences of our own actions. It's a real [ __ ] Woo. Hate them. Yeah. Yeah. Unless they're the good ones. We don't talk about that enough. Sometimes, you know, touche. The consequences of our own actions are pretty clutch, but we don't we don't
usually uh acknowledge those. So, it's 10 days later. Oh, 10. It's 10 days later. Okay. And Cara is trying to find a job and having no success. Like, she's applying at tons of different restaurants in the area. Like, anything really. Let me guess, Simon's blocking any Yeah. any potential positions for her. Yeah. But Sam shows up, the brother shows up and um basically begs her to go to coffee with him and he is trying to make amends with her and he's like, "Listen, I was drunk.
I shouldn't have done that. It it was gross and rude and I'm sorry. Like that never should have happened." and um also explains that Simon was not making an arrangement with that other woman because Sam had seen the whole thing. Like it wasn't that he stumbled down to the dock. He watched Cara watch Simon with this other woman and then run away and followed her. And so he's like, "That's not what that was. They'd had an arrangement in the past." Like, you miss him telling her
essentially to [ __ ] off. like you missed that part. Um, Simon really cares about you and Cara is like, "Listen, thank you so much for your apology. I really appreciate you being honest with me. Um, but I'm not I'm not going back to Simon. Like, it's just not a good idea for me." Yeah. Um, but then Cara gets jumped on her way home and she takes several hits to the head before Sam hears her scream like from down the street and um runs the guys off. It's the robbers from the clinic.
The same robbers. Uh-huh. Cuz they know that she saw their face and she went to the cops. Oh. So, um, she is in a bad way. Like, she's pretty hurt. And so, she tries to ask Sam to tell Simon that she loves him. And then she's like losing consciousness. It's like, Hannah, Jan, you're like, don't don't bring my name into this. And part three. I keep forgetting there's parts. Part three. Part three. Mine forever. Okay, so we had mine for tonight, mine for now, mine forever, which is an escalation.
How can you escalate beyond forever for part four? I genuinely don't remember, but we'll get it. We'll get it. Um, so I don't I remember the story. I don't remember the title of the part. No, I I I figured. Okay, good. So, okay.
um mine forever. Cara wakes up in the hospital and Simon is asleep in her room and she starts getting flashes of memory of like her being pretty hurt and then she throws up on him and starts telling him that she loves him and she's like all of this is coming back to her in the hospital. Literally throws up on him or like emotionally like word vomits on him. Literally just check. Yeah, literally vomit. Um because clearly she has a concussion.
So, um, Simon wakes up and he's like, "Hey, yeah, so you're never leaving again. You're coming home with me. Um, I'm going to protect you. This is [ __ ] We're never doing this again." And this is when he reveals that he's been protecting her for a year. That he's been following her unsolicited for a year. How would you respond to that news, Hannah? I got to say I don't think Well, I'm also like you don't love this man. You don't know this man.
Like, who even are you? Connecting on video games and good sex is not enough for me to be like, "Yes, I would die for you." What? What? Yeah, Fortnite is really not enough. Fortnite. Mhm. Yeah. I was thinking more Zelda. Um, also a great choice. Yeah. There's so many video game options. really could be so many any of the series. But she maybe it's just Animal Crossing. Oh my god. This was all about Animal Crossing. I was like, could it be Frogger?
Okay, as an aside, I had downloaded probably like this time last year um like a random just like city building. sure mindn numbing game that you have on your cell phone, right? And okay, once you like build your city to a certain level, you can join alliances and and when you share like join alliance, you can share resources. And I'm like, yeah, I'm just here to share some resources. I just want to build my city faster. Like this is not that deep. There was a whole mutiny in my alliance.
like half of them left and joined another alliance and the other half like went to I'm like I guess I I guess I have to find a new alliance now cuz I I'm not invested. I'm not a part of this. But I'm like oh this is a level of intensity to this game that I was not prepared for. So I joined a new alliance and I'm like my numbers are like okay in the like I don't have bad numbers. It's a 100 person alliance. There are 100 people like all of the slots are taken
in it. I'm ranked number 90 when it comes to power and I like re I'm like do y'all have jobs? What do you do all like y'all are planning these like attacks and these events and you are coordinating and it is noon. Yeah. And y'all don't live overseas. Yeah. Like what is hap like the intensity Mhm. of like they keep wanting me to get on Discord. I'm like, "No, I don't need to join Discord for this. I just wanted to gather some coal and wood and meat and iron and build my little city."
So, my husband is one of those people that's in the Discord and active. Yes. For a a a space game. Does he Oh, space. Okay. Space. Yeah, it's space. So, what is hilarious is he we follow this one particular band that has a a fiddler named Lightning Luke, right? And years ago, Matt was like, "Honey, honey, I I think Lightning Luke is in my alliance on this game." He's like, "Holy shit." And so he like DM'd him through Discord and it was him. It was him. Incredible.
And we met him cuz we went to see this band and we met him and Matt was so he was like, "Bro, do you remember playing Star Trek online in 2022? I was in that alliance and they were so cute." That's such a pure moment. the joy that that brought your husband. I know. He was so excited about it. He
was so excited about it. Anyway, meanwhile, I was in my lines for 6 months before I learned that there was a translate button cuz I was like, I I can't read a single thing that anyone in this group is saying. Yeah. Shucks. I was like, "Oh, I probably should have been paying better attention this whole time." Yeah, but I'm like if they kick me out of the alliance because I don't take it seriously enough. All right. I'm gonna laugh really hard. Like I get it. Like Yeah.
Yeah. Y'all are always play like different. Well, and also in the alliance there's like, oh, your alliance member bought a pack of like whatever. And so whenever anyone spends real money on resources in the game, you get something like as an alliance member for it. And so I'm like, how much money are are you dropping on this? Like this is why we hold Matt does not spend money on it.
I'm not going to lie, there have been a couple times where I've been like pretty toasted and I'm like, "This feels like a great use of $5." And then I'm like, it's not. No. At no point is this a good use of $5. But the funniest part is the Apple like bill won't come through. And for like a couple of days I was like, what did I spend $469 on? Oh, wood hero shards. Incredible. And I was like, yeah, that's my limit. I got a little drunk once and
spent five dollars on the game. I was like, and I can't ever spend real money on these games. I'm like, what? What are y'all doing? And like one person commented and they're like, hey guys, I got to quit. Got to spend more time in the real world. Great insight to have. Also, did you have to talk to a therapist to come to that realization? Like what happened in your life that you were like, I need to make an announcement to quit that like at that level,
right? And I was like, I really thought that this was just like a silly little worldbuing game and was not prepared. People take that [ __ ] seriously. They really do. Yeah. It's a little concerning. Well, and it's interesting, right? Like we all want to be seen and feel known in community and like be a part of something and it's I'm like I never really considered that like a game like that
could be that outlet. Sure. And then watching my entire alliance fall apart over I'm like, "Oh, y'all really take this so seriously." Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, "This is it's a lot wild to like." But it does make sense though when you're like, "Oh, people want to be engaged. They want to be a part of a community." And also when you take a step back, you're like, "I just didn't think I realized there was a community around this to be a part of."
Yes. Mhm. Mhm. Anyway, communities come in many places and Simon doesn't really have one. He doesn't. No. Outside of Cara. So, um she So, after this big reveal of like that he's been following her all this time and he wants her to come home. Um she passes out again and then upon waking is like, "Oh my god, Simon looks terrible. Okay, I'll come home with you because obviously you are so worried about me that you're causing harm to yourself and so I have no choice.
I love you. I have no choice but to care about you in this way. And so then a few days later, they're they've been back at home. He's been taking care of her. Cara wakes up screaming from a nightmare. They're still not sharing a bed. So Simon comes in and like picks her up and takes her back to his bed, which is a big deal. Um, and she is like, "Help me forget." And so of course they [ __ ] The help me forget. I don't like that trope. No. It's not a good one for me.
No. No. I always feel a little gross when there's been like a a sexual thing and they're like, I don't want them to be Yeah. It's like erase them with you. Like it's just a I'm like that's not how that works with coping. Right. Right. Like like I understand taking your agency back and like making your own choices for yourself. A great way to word that. And it does feel different when it's like this impulsive. Um, but this is their solidifying [ __ ] Okay. And Simon starts to freak out when she's
on top. And so, um, she's like, I will someday learn why he has all these hang-ups, but not now. And so, sorry, I forgot about this part. I forgot about this part. So, she decides that she's going to get to the bottom of this situation by withholding sex until he tells her. And it's been three days. Sorry. I'm so sorry. It's been three days. I I don't do a lot of couples counseling. Me either. I don't like it. I don't I It's really not my bread and butter.
But I I do feel like navigating it like anyone who like wants to weaponize sex in their relationship and like immediately no. This will not yield any of the results that you are looking for. Immediately no. Mm-m. I'm like, "No, that's not how we navigate those things. That's not how we get what we want." Mm- Mm- No. I'm like, and I It's been 3 days. It's been 3 days. And he looks even worse than when she got mugged on the street, basically. So, he gets a pep talk from
his brother, from Sam. And Sam is basically like, you know, don't [ __ ] this up. Like if you really like her, if she is really genuinely worth it, then start acting like it basically. Um, so look at Sam kind of being cool and chill after the initial douchebaggeriness.
So, what I have left out and what doesn't matter and I don't think it comes up again really is that apparently Maddie the bestie knows Sam very well and it's been alluded to multiple times that like he let somebody get away and Maddie hates him because Yes. Okay. Um, so that's all this setup going on and that's part of this pep talk is Sam like berating himself yet again for whatever he did to Maddie. Um, and then um, Simon realizes it's Valentine's Day.
Whoopsie. Oops. Daisy. And so then the abruptness of everything in this book is unmatched. I know. And so then he like storms over to his assistants because he has two and one of them is like an older woman and one of them is a younger woman and he's like tell me what to do for Valentine's Day and he gets all kinds of tips from them.
And so uh Cara is at home. She's taking a bath, contemplating her continued lack of connection with Simon on a deeper level, and how she doesn't understand why he won't open up to her, which obviously leads to her masturbating in the tub. Um, and that's how Simon finds her. How How else would he find her? Right. That feels accurate, right? Right. Right. So, um, she they get off together, like while he's watching her, he also rubs one out and
she declares her love for him. And then is like, "I'm really sorry that I pushed you. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't be withholding sex. I'm sorry. I just really care about you." Whatever. And wanted you to tell me. And you wouldn't tell me cuz you didn't feel safe enough yet. And I just thought maybe withholding sex would make you feel safe enough to tell me. Sure, you get it. We're fostering a sense of safe safety and trust.
Obviously, yeah, that's like one of those moments that like a couple would come in and tell you that the situation is split out and you're like, you look at Cara and be like, "How did you think that was going to go?" Yep. Yep. Cara. Yep. That is not how that works. Nigh nigh. No. Okay. and he very obviously does not reciprocate her declaration of love. Like she's now told him she loves him. Well, I was going to say that wasn't the first one time cuz it was in the hospital too, right?
Mhm. Um, but he does say that he is never letting her go and he does decide to open up to her about the past and gets into the bathtub with her and he reveals that the girl he had a crush on when he was younger um, stabbed him while they were having sex um, as a revenge kill because his dad owed some gang money. But then the dad died before he could pay what he owed. So this girl decided to stab Simon midbone as a revenge killing.
And that's why he needs people to be tied up of all of the places that could have gone. Yeah. Yeah. I as a 16-year-old like this was another 16-year-old who stabbed him. She'd seen some [ __ ] She's on what was that? Uh thin man [ __ ] like like Like what? What? What? So, you know, to Simon's credit, that would [ __ ] up your view of sex. Yes, it would definitely have an impact. Mhm. And so, um, they are getting out of the bath. They've really connected on all of
this. Cara is really grateful for everything. And then she's like, "Oh, I am thirsty though. I should get something to drink." And Simon is like, "Oh my god, I'm not taking care of you and has like a full meltdown about her being thirsty, which feels like so much energy. It's really cool. I can go get some water. I have the technology. Are they still in the tub?" They are like getting out of the tub and she just mentions, "I'm thirsty." And he's like,
"Unfucking acceptable." There are without a doubt at least four sources of water in that bathroom alone. Like, oh, okay. Sure. Yep. Yep. So, they are walking into the kitchen and carrot she passes out again. No, he has set up an entire like Valentine's Day wonderland. There's like flower petals everywhere and teddy bears. And was he actually having a meltdown or was that just to get her into the kitchen for her surprise?
I It felt like it really was happening and he like forgot that the gifts were there. Was the energy because he was so focused on her thirst. So she also had gotten him um some silk boxers.
Okay. And she oh I she felt bad that he had gotten her so many things and so she was like also five wishes and he immediately is like oh I I forgot he also had put like $100,000 in her bank account and was like just in case rainy day fund lol and she's like trying been trying to give it back this whole time and so He's immediately like, "I wish for you to keep all the money." Okay, touche, Simon. Well played. And I wish for you to keep your security detail. And she's like, "Okay, all right."
And then they have sex and they get you two wishes. Yeah. He's saving the rest of them. Of course he is. Yeah. So they bang and she's on top and it's all very emotional because he didn't tie her up or restrain her or anything. It's like a big big deal for them in this moment. And then like a couple of weeks later, I guess they go to Disney cuz she had mentioned she always wanted to go. So like for her spring break, he takes her to Disney.
It's only about an hour away. I was going to say, feels like you could have done that at any time. Well, he waited until she got a break from school, Hannah. No, I mean, she could have gone because she's like she really wanted to go. I was like, girl, the cost of Disney. You think she could afford that? Well, I was thinking they have like local discounts and they have like ways to do it for not super res It's a lot easier. Yeah. And who doesn't know somebody who works at Disney nearby
Tampa? Yeah. And like hospitality industry for sure. I never worked in those and I knew people who worked at Disney. Yeah. One of the funniest conversations was one of the dudes who played Aladdin and he was like, "Yeah, we had an Aladdin meeting and that was pretty trippy." I was like, I've never conceptualized that before that there's just like a group of dudes who all have we're all Aladdin similar enough aesthetic. Oh god. Right. Right. I was like, "Oh,
touche." Similar but different would be the time that I led a process group for a group of severe and persistently ill, mentally ill young men. Mhm. They were all actively psychotic. Four of them believed they were Jesus and one believed he was Satan. And I was a baby therapist at the time, like fresh out of school. And so I was kind of in a panic about like how they were all going to interact. I was like, are the Jesuses going to fight? Are they going to like form a coalition
against Satan? Like what's going to h like I genuinely don't know. But they all worked it out so they could all be Jesus. They were like, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're the son of God. I am the second coming. He is Jesus reincarnated. And they had like a whole thing where they were each a different like aspect of Jesus. Fascinating. It was incredible. And then the poor poor kid who believed that he was Satan.
He was actually probably one of the most precious individuals ever because he really believed that if he made eye contact with people that they would be possessed. And so he refused to make eye contact. And that was like like a treatment goal that we had was for him to be able to make eye contact. But he was so quiet and so reserved cuz he didn't want to hurt anybody that that the Jesus's all left him alone.
And I think the biggest takeaway about you being a baby therapist in that situation is that as a baby therapist, you really try to prepare yourself for how to navigate that. You're like researching techniques and you're like, "Okay, we're going to all get through this smooth." And then as a seasoned therapist, you're like, "There's not a single thing I can do to prepare me for the other side of that door. We will navigate it as it comes." Yep. It will all be okay.
We are going to buckle the [ __ ] up and we are going to figure it out. Um, but they're still at Disney. And this is where he uses his last Valentine wish cuz he had used the other two for other things. He uses his last one um to ask her to marry him. So they are now engaged. Part four. That was still part three. Yep. God damn. Mine completely. That's the next one. Well, okay. A year has passed.
We're jumping ahead. Okay. And Carara comes to Simon and says that they really need to talk and she wants a prenup and cuz they're still not married. They're planning the wedding and everything and they get into a huge fight about it and I still don't understand why. That's in my notes. It says I don't understand why why they're getting into a fight about a prenup. Yeah. because Simon doesn't want to sign it. And Cara winds up sobbing and running out of the room.
And then his brother shows up and his brother is like, "Hey, maybe cool it. Like, maybe leave her alone for a minute. She seems really upset." And it's like, what? What are we fighting about? I and mind you, I don't have a prenup, nor have I been in a situation where I've needed one. I'm not a tech billionaire, right? But I do feel like from people I know who have prenups and the general lay of the lay of the land of a prenup.
Sure. Um the person who would get upset is the one who has assets to protect. Right. Right. And he he's saying, "I don't want to protect my assets." Correct. My assets are your assets. They're our assets now. Yeah. Arrest development when Buster's like, "I did refer to it as our nausea." Lucille, too. Who has the vertigo? Yeah. Yeah. So good. Um but yeah, why is she upset?
Um well, it's because she's pregnant. uh just had some irrational hormonal moment because she is also really terrified that Simon is going to be upset that she's pregnant and like think that she entrapped him or something. And so that's why it was so important to her to have the prenup in place so that but I'm like that doesn't change the fact that you're having his child and you've also been together for a year at this point. I don't think it's entrament when you've been engaged for a year.
Right. Right. Um so she connects with her best friend and kind of processes about it a little bit more. It's Valentine's Day cuz it's been a year. Mhm. And um she tells him that she's pregnant at like their Valentine's Day dinner or whatever. And Simon is so stoked. He is so excited. This is the best news ever. I've never been so happy. Has he said he loves her at this point or just proposed? So I don't recall. That's not in my notes anywhere. Uhhuh. Um maybe within the last year.
Yeah, potentially. Maybe he said it while they were getting engaged. Um, but his primary focus is like Carara's health. So, he's like, "I'm so excited you're having a baby, but like, oh my god, you're going to be in pain. Like, labor hurts. I've heard I read about it. I don't want you to be in pain." And that's what he's like stuck on. I have a coworker and when I was about to go into labor with Ford, I was like, "Yeah, I feel like everyone just wants to tell you their like traumatic birthing
journeys and stories." And she goes, "I wish my labor upon you." And I said, "Tell me more about that." This feels like the opposite of the usual story. She goes, "I went for my weekly check-in with my OB. They told me it's time." So, I drove home. I got my husband and our bag. We drove back to the hospital. An hour later, I had my C-section and had my daughter. Lots of pain meds. Like, incredible. Yeah. She's like, "End of the story."
No, it's always like it was an emergency C-section and then it's that the C-section incision got I pushed for 2 hours and then we had to do a C-section, crowned, so I had to do both recoveries. Like, I've heard Yes. horror. Yeah. I'm like having someone to say, "I wish my labor journey upon you." I'm like, "Oh, right. Is that a threat?" Right. I'm like be knowing the person it was, I was like, "I need to hear this, but it feels like a promise and less of a threat from you." I can take that.
Feels warm and comforting. But I'm also like even if you ask me my journey, I'm gonna make Yeah, I had an epidural. My day was [ __ ] fantastic. I laid on my side with that little peanut ball between my legs watching Brooklyn 999 and then they'd just turn me over like a [ __ ] rotisserie chicken and I'd be on the other side. And that was great. What wasn't great was when my epidural wore off and then they were like, "You should probably try pushing because you are fully ready to
push. If it doesn't work, I guess we can call anesthesiology to come back." So, my whole day was fully medicated and the actual pushing was unmedicated. I don't think you've ever told me that. Yes. My epidural was not in effect by the time I was actually pushing. Feels like a gross oversight by somebody. To their credit, our the nurse our nurse was a is a good friend of ours and she told our midwife, she's like, "Yeah, I'm going to call anesthesiology
in." And that's when our midwife looked at me and she's like, "So, I also had Ford when there was like that polar vortex and apparently the weather change pushed a [ __ ] ton of people into labor. I think mine was actually cuz my doctor accidentally swept my membranes, but that's another situation." Uh so they were like anesthesiology is so backed up right now that like you're ready to Yeah. They're like cuz I started pushing at like 8:00 and he was born at 8:48.
Yes. And they were like if anesthesiology needs to come back they won't be here until after midnight. So they were essentially like you can try pushing if you want to and if it doesn't go well we can we can call them but like At best it'll be midnight when they get here. So I was like, well, let's try it. Yeah. And here we are. And here we are. Yeah. But yeah, I'm like I wouldn't wish my like and it wasn't even a bad situation. But like everyone's story has the weird that one weird moment.
Oh no, they're in pain. Right. Yeah. Right. It's uncomfy to share your body with another human. even when you love him, it's just still a weird thing. And quite frankly, I birthed him. I did not have that moment where I looked my son in the eyes and was like, "You are the sun, the moon, and the stars and everything." Yes. I looked at him and legitimately I remember thinking, "I don't know you." And I'm like, I will, but like right now I'm more obligated to you than anything.
Like, you might be super cool and I look forward to finding that out. Yeah. Yeah. And thank God he is super cool. He is the sun, the moon, and the stars. And I adore him with every fiber of my being, and I'm obsessed with my son. And the in the hospital, I was like, "You got stuck on the dismount. It was unmedicated. And you are a little alien. I want a full night's sleep that I'm not gonna get for [ __ ] months. Like, that was my thought in the hospital, if I'm being fully transparent. Yeah.
Not. It was not beautiful. It was not angelic. The best part was that I'd washed my hair the night before. Oh, that is nice. Yes. So, I had like nice hair. I put on mascara. I felt like a real human. H um when my when I was throwing my sister's baby shower years and years ago, I wanted to play a game called Porn or Labor, which just had closeup screenshots of women's faces. Very good. Yes. And my sister said, "That's easy. Just look for the fake eyelashes." So, we didn't play the game.
Oh my god. Your sister might be a genius. She is also a makeup artist and hair stylist, so like locked in on that for sure. And I'm like, you know, that's not a detail I would have looked for. Me either. But it does make sense though. I did have that thought though when I put on mascara before going to the hospital. Oh, I'm really going to throw them off. And they're definitely going to think this is porn. They'll never know. So Simon's terrified of the pain that shall be caused.
Yeah. But um of course they then have sexy times. So he ties himself up for her to like prove that he trusts her. We don't need a prenup. I'll tie myself up for you during sex. Because his whole thing I read that in a Kanye song once. I didn't. We won't prenup. Sorry. Keep going. It's going to be stuck in my head now. It's been in my head for a while. I had to share it.
So, um, he says that basically when she asked for the prenup, like it actually hurt his feelings because it felt like she was preparing for them to not work out and she was more thinking she didn't want him to think she was using him for money. And I'm like, that ship sailed sailed so long ago. Like, it's in Fiji by now, babe. Like, it's gone. Quite frankly, I wish that there had just been like a month. Yeah. Not a year. A year. Yeah. Well, part five is a month.
Part five is Christmas. So, we're jumping Okay. to Christmas. So, we're jumping 10 months. Yeah. So, or maybe even more than that actually because this one is mine for Christmas and Cara and Simon are adjusting to having a toddler. So, I think it's like actually 18 months later or like closer to 2 years later. Um, and Cara is feeling very insecure and in her head because um, the sexy times are less passionate and he doesn't seem to be as into it as he was pre-baby.
And um, she's self-conscious about her physical appearance after having a kid and stuff, which is totally understandable. Um, and as is your sexual dynamic changing after you have a kid. Yeah. Yeah. And they wind up arguing about having another baby. Like she's talking about like maybe I want to have another one. And Simon is like I can't watch you be in pain like that again. And he's like angry at the idea of her giving birth again.
And then they have sex in the elevator and he's like, "Do do they have any conflict resolution skills at all?" They really don't. Because basically he's like, "See, I still find you sexy. I've been like trying to be gentle because you know, you've been giving attention to our daughter or whatever, but like if you're ready to get it, I'm ready to give it." And 18 months in, one would hope you're ready to both get it and give it,
right? And he's like, "I will prove to you that this body is still just as attractive as it has always been." And so he bangs her in the elevator. And then there is a kid at the free clinic where Cara still volunteers. Um did she finish her degree? She did. Yay. And um the kid has diabetes and has been in and out of the um free clinic quite often. and his mom is an addict of some kind. And so Cara has been really
worried about this kid. And she gets a call that that kid's mother has overdosed and the kid is in the hospital because he essentially went into a diabetic coma because his mom had passed away. It's all very sad. Yeah. And so Cara feels terrible for interrupting their date night or whatever to go to the hospital, but Simon is like, "Of course." I think that's a legitimate reason to interrupt your date night. Yeah, cuz this kid has nobody. Like no other family. They didn't the hospital
didn't know who to call. And so um they go hang out with this kid in the hospital and like that's how they spend their date night. Um, and then like there's more. I'm not going to go into every single one because there's more just randomly. And then they have sex in the shower and then they have sex here and then and it's like so I'm just we're just skating past some of this but essentially it's a week later. Timmy is the kid who is in the hospital. Simon has been spending time with him
kind of like every day after work. He goes and checks on him. They're going to legally adopt him. They're going to legally adopt him. Yes, you're totally right. Because um they can't find placement for him. So they're like, "Well, he's going to have to go to a group home." And Simon is like, "Absolutely not. We could never. This is my son." And so they decide to foster to adopt him. And um there's this whole situation where they're like, "It's Christmas.
We're gonna get like a Santa impersonator to come leave gifts in like the pool house or whatever they have. They're staying somewhere else. And so, you know, the kids like a year old. Well, no, the the other kid is seven. The one they're adopting that they got 2 days after. Literally 2 days after. Literally. Literally. They were like, "You're coming home with us." And it's like, okay, who needs a home visit when you're a billionaire?
Probably. Probably the billionaire. Yeah, you probably need it. Need two home visits. Ironically, I do still have a lot of friends back in the Tampa Bay area that uh are that are involved with foster care that are advocates, like great organizations in Tampa Bay. have several friends that have adopted out of foster care in Tampa as well. Like a really cool foster community in Tampa that I had not anticipated. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty awesome.
Yeah. They're they're going to become a part of this community. Well, I they I and I love that for them. I think really it's more of the the logistically how is Timmy going to see Santa drop the gifts? Like that's so there's like a whole ass sleigh and reindeer in the yard because this is Florida and so there's not like a fireplace for him to come down the chimney or whatever. Also, he lives in a penthouse apartment. Where's the [ __ ] yard?
Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm like I think they're at Sam's house. Like I think they're staying with Sam in his actual house that has a pool house or something. But regardless, like she Cara and Maddie who is now with Sam in this Cara and Maddie had like set up this whole Christmas thing or whatever. And so each of them thought the other one hired a Santa impersonator and neither one did. We find out. So they're
like, "Oh my god, it's really Santa. He brought us gifts we wanted when we were also children." So incredible. And then it cuts to the epilogue and you're like, "Wait a minute." They go, "Oh, Santa is real." Is that was not the takeaway I anticipated from this whole series. Right? Like, excuse the [ __ ] out of me. Where did Santa come from? What? So then it's the epilogue. The adoption has been finalized. Timmy is very happy. Probably only took 14 days with how they're going.
He's already a great big brother to his little toddler sister. And it's a happily ever after. We finally we've we're we're finally settled now. It's Sam or not Sam, Simon and Cara. Solid. And Timmy and their other little one. Yeah. Whose name I didn't write down. And I remember the great news about adopting Timmy is Simon never has to see Cara go through physical pain with labor again. Correct. Yeah. Mhm. That's the dumbest reason. Scratches her itch for another kid.
And hear me, Timmy needed a good home. No one's no one's upset about them adopting Timmy. I'm just like that that's not a reason to adopt. No. No. I feel like much of what Simon does is like that's not a reason to do that. Like I'm worried about her walking home every night in the dark on the Tampa streets. I should follow her. Some might call that stalking, my dude. Yeah. But she seemed to find it endearing when she found out about it. She did. Yeah. And isn't that really
the crux of it? If they're hot, it's sweet. Yeah. If they're not hot. Nope. They're stalkers. I almost just made a true crime reference. Wasn't necessary. Well, now you've left me intrigued. What's our rating system? Um, oh gosh. Wishes. No, that's nothing. Video games, joysticks, that's wishes. No, that's nothing. We could do joysticks. We could do their shared love of gaming. Sure. Um, their shared love of Super Smash Bros. We'll go out of five because there were five parts.
Feels apppropo. Um, I'm going to do probs a two. Yeah. And maybe the button on top like And one button that's popped off. That's popped off. Right. Well, I was thinking cuz it separated from, you know, the joystick. I think two Yeah. is appropriate. Yeah, there was plot. There was plot. It was very messy. It was everything I always need Jan to be. Oh, I forgot. They did catch the robbers eventually. I totally forgot about that. They did get caught. So, we love that they're officially safe
again. Yeah, there's that. Especially if they have kids now. You need to make sure you're safe. Yeah, two feels right. Yeah. Two wishes. That's nothing. Two me workshopping with myself. Two joysticks and a button. That's it. That's the one. It's okay. I think our last episode I said four and a half bears. You got to guess which half. Uh so we did not workshop that. Oh, we never workshop any of this, which is why you're just part of the process. So, welcome to that.
Yeah. It's like you're sitting in our living room with us having this conversation about books. It's like a It's like a smut club. Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] And on that note, please engage with us, fellow smut club engagers. That's also nothing. That's also nothing. Don't forget to like, subscribe, rate, comment. Let us know what what you would like us to review next. Let us know how you feel about our girl Jan. Uh, we love her. We do. We really do. She's the best.
Mhm. And we can't wait to see you next time. Bye, smut [ __ ] Bye. Well, that's it for this week, Smut [ __ ] We hope it was good for you cuz it sure was great for us. If you're digging what we're doing, it would mean a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and review the show wherever you're listening right now. Maybe tell that sexy someone to lend us an ear. We love you. We appreciate you. And we'll see you next week. Stay smiley. [Applause] [Music]