well hello All You Beautiful [Music] People you know what time it is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and everyone in between gather around get you something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on cuz it's time for smut Club here's your hosts ch and [Applause] Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut club I'm Hannah and I am Chelsea and this is the podcast where we are two licensed mental health therapists who enjoy day drinking and reviewing romance novels of varying caliber sometimes we
drink phto box and we're not sponsored by them but it would would still be a lot cooler if we were mhm it's never going to not be cool until we are sponsored you know I do know but I heard it I heard how I said it well puted yeah you know me big words girl thriving over here Master Wordsmith 1,000% um but today wait what are what are you drinking did you go red or pink red I think I asked you and then I did not listen and I'm so sorry I feel like we do that to each other every now and then
like a few weeks ago or months ago I don't know I asked you what book you were reviewing and you told me like six times and I just like willfully chose to just not process the information you gave me but I feel like there are times in my life when that happens I was like I'll definitely remember it this time yes and then the next time I'm like apparently my brain just really did not feel the need to like I have locked it in eye contact I have it it's there it's
gone yep yep okay well all that said I am drinking the leftover peppermint schops and my coffee from the deer monster claws yes um which it's a bummer for you that it gave you heartburn because quite frankly this this coffee is delightful God I don't know if it was the combo of the schnaps the Bailey and the kala or if it was just the schnaps but buddy does peppermint tend to do that often no so it makes me think it was something about the the combo the combination of
the hard liquor with the cream base yeah was a lot touche to process and I also just want us to note Vance only made us half he did half Z I'd have died you wouldn't have driven home tell you that much should go to the ER with an ulcer not because of too much alcohol alol but just because my body rebelled against that situation I've never seen someone's body hate peppermint white Russ that much oh it was so much it was so much yeah that's why I'm back on the wine and I left the schnaps at your
house yeah so I'm drinking red today partially in a nod to our book today which is priest by Sierra Simone Oh Sierra yeah I'm honestly surprised it's taken us this long to like get to a Sierra Simone review yeah me too me too cuz we I feel like she's a name that like comes up often I've read often but we've never actually reviewed her today's the day perfect yeah oh now I will say I actually haven't read priest that is one that like has been on my list forever and I know it's like picked
up some steam but I haven't read it and the way you're nodding I don't know if I if I'm okay I guess at the end of this episode I'll decide if I am just going to leave it to you to read so I have decided that I have decid not that what I did though was have you ever watched the show Dairy girls um I've seen the trailer for it I have not actually watched it okay there is a priest in that show that is universally hated and it's very funny and he's known for having incredible
hair and in the first episode that he is introduced in he's this young guy with Incredible hair he comes in and the the girls are saying that they witnessed a miracle a a statue crying and so the priest is there to investigate and he is like um this is this is a major moment girls like we are going to to uncover the answer to the age-old question is God real and then he gets this really far away look in his eyes and he goes I mean is he or have you just wasted your life Peter and
the girls are all sitting there and they're like uh father like you doing okay over there yeah so it turns out the girls faked the miracle and so spoilers yeah he decides oh we knew it was faked from the beginning okay that's the whole episode is them covering up the faking of this miracle and so they he decides to leave the priesthood because they faked this miracle because he is very attracted to his hairdresser so then in the next episode where you see him he's
back and one of the girls in a room full of other people is like he says you may know I'm back from sabatical and she says is that cuz the [ __ ] hair dresser left you in front of everybody a and he's just like well so that's that is the person I'm imagining just universally hated and universally hated with great hair but so why is he universally hated is it okay that's not even the point of this book so so there's a nun in there her name is Sister Michael okay she is genuinely my
favorite character she's so incredibly dry and like um there's one episode where some girl is really sick and one of the other girls is the the nun is saying like there's only one thing left to do and she's like pray for her sister and she goes [ __ ] no what would that do and just her reaction to the priest every time is like for [ __ ] sake okay but but the question is why is the priest so because he's so painfully Earnest in everything that he's doing and just like
naive almost in how Earnest he is but then also it doesn't feel genuine at the same time and so it's this is important in context for what we're the the priest we're imagining walking highly recommend if you have not seen Dairy girls highly recommend it's just it's just Irish humor and so painfully dry which is it for me so this book is completely from the priest's point of view oh okay yeah yes which is a very rare thing I feel like in Romance to have just the male Point male point
of view I would agree yeah and normally I really like the male point of view um when it switches and so I was like okay cool like this will be kind of a different thing but now I'm realizing it's not the male point of view it's just the switching of it that like keeps it fresh so like you know what I'm saying so there are moments where we kind of switch to the female Maine but it's more like when she's telling him about things so in the prologue we learn this priest is introducing himself
he says he's 29 years old his name is Tyler and several months ago he broke his vow of celibacy and this is his confession and like that's the the prologue so he is in reconciliation which is confession and he is on his side of the the booth um and there's only one guy that ever really comes consistently um and so he's you know about to wrap it up cuz the guy finally left and he's like thank [ __ ] I I can get out of this tiny box and he's just about to get up when somebody else sits
down and there's this really husky voice on the other side um and she say she's not Catholic but she saw the Church from across the street um and I'm sorry I know you just kind of how how far back was this that this just happened it just says several months ago several months ago okay yeah um so um we don't have an exact timeline of all of this but it it gets so messy so fast I don't know if it matters so um she is like I just need somebody to talk to and um I just need
to know that everything is going to be okay and he tells her that it really might not be okay but that is okay like she's going to learn to adjust um and she's going to learn how to keep living and um he's he wants to know like why is she he like what does she want to confess and she says that she's not sure if she should tell him because it's carnal and she winds up kind of like rushing out after thanking him for just listen listening to her from the beginning um and he but like it was it
it seems as though it was like kind of vague the whole time yeah she's like I did something bad but I don't feel bad about it and that's what makes me think I'm bad and like all that kind of stuff so um he tries not to think about her again she's gone but the next week she comes back and um he he really just wants to hold her cuz she just sounds so like sad and lost and he's thinking about how in other parishes he's been in he's been a priest for 3 years in other parishes he's been
in they don't have like the confessional booths really anymore it's a room and like you can hold somebody's hand or like give them a pat on the back or something and he's like I cannot wait until we've saved enough to like renovate this place or whatever so that's what he's thinking the whole time and then so she her name is Poppy and she is trying to explain that um she used to do bad things for work but she doesn't feel bad about it so before you move any further at all I just need you
to know that while you're imagining Dairy girls priest this whole time my toddler lives breathes and dies the trolls franchise with with Princess poppy So when you say poppy that unfortunately it's going to be a little pink troll doll forced by Anna Kendrick like Mar that's so good oh no I was like oh no it had to be poppy of course it did yes of I I am now also going to imagine a little pink troll doll and that's going to make this even better so she says she's starting a new
life and a new job and she's moved but she just doesn't feel right she doesn't feel like she fits and Tyler is really trying to f Focus um on her words and that she's struggling and that she's having a hard time Tyler doesn't sound like a priest name it sounds like a middle school youth pastor name I know that also was very difficult I was like oh no we couldn't give him like a a Mark or a give him a gospel name [ __ ] hell you could have gone obscure you could could
have gone Old Testament you could have like gone Elijah or Elisha like sure you have options but but we went with Tyler we went with Tyler that's a choice and we committed to it the whole way through so what's really difficult is when people call him father Tyler like that sounds like a last name that I would be more comfortable with but somehow it's worse in my head I'm like you know big daddy Tyler Papa te so they step out of the booth at the same time and immediately all he can
think about is shoving his dick in her mouth that is like first thought wrong thought like stuck in it and he realizes in three years after he took his vows he has never once really struggled to remain celibate um that's called an intrusive thought 100% And that's okay intrusive thoughts happen we don't have to act on them yep that's what you have to learn about intrusive thoughts Tyler hasn't learned that sorry it was the eye contact for me I did make really firm eye cont with
very like Tyler hasn't learned that I'm like oh damn he really hasn't so he is thinking back to before he took his vows when he was kind of a Playboy and could really have anybody he wanted um but he's trying to focus on like like not violating do we learn his origin story we do okay so he's trying sort of we she he's trying not to like objectify her because he realizes that she is a person who needs help she is like one of God's children and he should be focused
on his role as a priest and like a a counselor more so than getting it so like maybe this dick isn't what she came to the church looking for yeah so he decides that the next time she comes in he is going to tell her that he can't take her confession and recommend another priest um so that way like you know she will still get the support that she needs and he can be mindful of his vows and boundaries and everything which is very commendable and respectable very
thoughtful um but from the eye contact you gave me a few minutes ago oh the the slow shaking of your head so he is out for a jog he's listening to Britney Spears and she like poppy like arrives next to him apparently also out for a run in a teeny tiny sports bra and um he gets a little weird like he's like I got to get away from her like oh my God she's so hot he's like I can't like back away remember next time she comes to the church you're going to tell her you can't take her confession
anymore like trying to coach himself through it and she's like he also realizes she like touches his chest at one point and is like smiling at him and like laughing at him and he realizes like oh she's treating me like a gay bestie because I'm a priest and I'm safe like I need to chill the [ __ ] out he's like oh [ __ ] like chill out well cuz when you the way you initially said like she put her hand on his chest I was like oh like she was flirting with him and then
you're like like a gay bestie and I'm like I see it now yeah yeah he's like damn it so um he's like I know I'm a priest but I hate that I'm friendzoned literally so she is then like starts to read that he's really uncomfortable and she starts apologizing she's like I am so sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything like I I'm I'm so so sorry and he's like nope I'm really glad that you're here um and exploring religion and if it's not for you that's okay I know you're looking
for your place like even if it's not with the church like I will help you find it um and she she said that maybe she'll keep exploring because he's hot like with a wink and again he's like yeah I get it he's like damn it um but she's like laughing and joking about it and he's like damn it so um he has posted online that he has office hours and she's like is it okay if I come to those and he's like see you in 30 minutes and then he's like I am [ __ ] like what am I
doing because she had more she wanted to confess because she wants to explore religion more and stuff okay so um I'm like good sir you could shut it down he could have he didn't so um oh no that wasn't the 30 minutes sorry he said yes come to the next open Office hours whenever it is um and so then he decides to go home on his one day off a week to see his family he has three brothers everybody's there for family dinner um does his family live local or is it it's like an hour away this is
matter this is in Missouri okay yeah I can't remember the exact towns but St Louis is involved in Kansas city is involved I think so um you know under represented cities in the smut Community sure shout out to the Midwest I suppose um so uh they his brothers Raz him for being celibate and stuff um and one of them is talking about going to this like extremely exclusive strip club that's like invite only and like you don't even get to know the name and like all this
other [ __ ] and he's like I wonder if maybe po poppy worked somewhere like that like maybe that's what she was talking about when she said she had a job doing bad stuff but he's like now's not the time stay focused because he became a priest because of his little sister um and we don't get the details at this point but he decides he's going to help poppy since nobody helped his sister and so he is like adamant that he is going to be there for her so we're projecting mhm okay um and so the next
time he's out for a run he runs into her again and this is when he says 30 minutes so she shows up and he is like gameface ready to be empathetic ready to be supportive like I am here for you on your spiritual journey professionally very much so so so um she shares her backstory she came from a ton of money graduated ivy league all this stuff and then when she finished her MBA she realized like she was trapped and she hated it and she didn't really want any part of it and so
she just left and she didn't touch her trust fund and she didn't speak to her parents again and it's been like 3 years um like when they escaped the Bergens yes exactly like that okay that's that'll be my last trolls joke it probably won't be and I look forward to it I look forward to the the [ __ ] eating grin you get right before you say it and then the looking down in shame that you do right after it's good to be known it's good to be seen yep I'm here for you so um Tyler
then shares that his parents um weren't supportive of him becoming a priest at all and um trying to like connect with her and explains that his sister was abused by their priest growing up and she left all the details along with all the names of the other victims in her suicide note and he's the one that found her body um and so his family really shunned the church after that completely and the church shun to the family like they were they were angry with his
sister more so than they were the priest at that point and so um poppy explains she just started driving like they're doing a lot of connecting and like back and forth at this point so she explains that she got in her car and just started driving and wound up in Kansas City where she was recruited for a a strip club um she liked working there um and she goes into a lot of detail about touching herself in front of customers um and how all she really wanted then and all she really wants now
is to be [ __ ] exact words mouth ass [ __ ] doesn't even matter like what bold words to say to a priest in his office hours I know and he's about to die he's like gripping the chair the arm chair like I'm going to die here but thankfully her phone goes off like right at that moment and so she has to leave for some reason and immediately jerks off all over his desk and there's like like a portrait of St Augustine on the wall and he's like don't judge me like shut up Augie you don't
know so again he feels really bad that he has basically like violated her trust um by having these feelings towards her and acting on them um and so few days later he runs into her at a coffee shop she um helps him with spreadsheet stuff for fundraising for the church and everything cuz she has her MBA and he's terrible at it so he's help she's helping him with that stuff and for some reason I don't really remember how it comes up but she mentions that um no one has ever really
loved her and uh like that's the that's part of the issue I took with this book I would be like what like this is not conversation for a coffee shop while you're working on spreadsheets also I like that she's just like a full-fledged volunteer for this church that she doesn't even belong to belong to or necessarily like believe in their God yeah she's just like here to help like she just likes the priest with the good hair then I was like wait does he have good hair or is that I think yes
but we don't actually really know what he looks like because it's all from all from his point of view yeah so um so she actually did mention when she was talking to him how much she loved volunteering and how she would go to um like I think she mentioned going to Haiti after the earthquake to help there and like she has a heart for service and so she wants to engage with that more um and he when she mentions not being loved um he like grabs her hand and um has this like fantasy of tying her up
like imagine putting a a rope around her wrist while he's holding her hand in this coffee shop and he's like I am a bad bad man um and so she they walk out together and it turns out she lives on the same street as the church and he's like of course she does great love that I can see her house from my [ __ ] room awesome like oh no um so she um mentioned something about she decided to move to this small town after Sterling found her but she doesn't follow up with that and he
doesn't ask and so then she just says um I'll see you like next week at your office hours or whatever so the next Monday he's working up to tell her that he'll help her find someone else to talk to but of course immediately he's like never mind like as soon as she's in front of him he's like okay like okay I feel like at this point I'm like getting a little frustrated with him that's how I felt the whole time oh good yeah okay yeah which is why I'm imagining this like deeply hated
priest that I find amusing because it helps me it helps me so poppy then tells him the next time they meet that she had been in love with a man named Sterling and she thought they were going to get married they'd been on and off for a while but then she got his wedding invitation in the mail and that's part of kind of why she took off and he showed up at the strip club a month ago and told her that um he never could have married her because she's not wife material she's a [ __ ] and she likes it
too much um and he couldn't take her to like because she likes it too much yeah isn't that a good thing a selling shouldn't you want her to be into it but he's like I can't take you to like company dinners and things like that everybody's going to want to [ __ ] you and it's like okay ew also [ __ ] that guy that you're not letting them [ __ ] you right like someone thinking you're attractive I can't date you anymore because you're too attractive other people will want you
yeah so I married someone else that I can take to the holiday party to hang out with my coworker Tammy from accounting the [ __ ] so all I can think about is that time that some dude hit on you and you told Vance and he high-fived you yeah that was lovely that was so good yeah well let's let's not forget I was 5 months you were super pregnant yeah I was 5 months pregnant in a swimsuit just trying my best out there and you were doing your best apparently apparently yeah trying and achieving
listen free drinks are free drinks yes they are and like I make more than I made when I was 20 but I'll still always take a free drink if it's offered like that uh that girly girl song that's on um been on Tik Tok recently that's like um I don't need money from a man I have my own but I will take money from a man like yes go ahead and give me some money that sounds great 1,000% I was like absolutely and my husband will let you buy me drink yes cuz we share a bank account [Laughter]
honestly in this economy you do what you got to do um so Sterling tells her that he's been looking for her for three years because she belongs to him um wait what yep and he tells her all about how what her life would be like if she would just finally agree to be his mistress because that's all she's ever going to be good for anyway and so I don't like him no he's pretty terrible um and he continues to tell her all of this while they [ __ ] in this strip club and she
knew he was married and she knew it was wrong and she did it anyway and Tyler is losing his mind listening to this story and he wants to commit murder but he's also Wicked turned on at the same time um so she says like I'll go kill him as soon as you give me a few minutes right give me a moment so she you have a pillow by any chance sorry what were you going say a pillow so um she says that Sterling was right she is a [ __ ] and even now and she like like stops talking and
she moves to leave and before before he even realizes what he's doing he is out of his side of the booth and like in front of her kind of blocking her way demanding that she explain herself and like finish her sentence and backs her up into the piano um and tells her to turn around and he realizes she is not wearing underwear and are they in they're in his office hours they're in a restaurant where they were in the um confessional that time it's all random places in the
church mostly that they bang actually no that's well you said the booth and then you said the piano oh sorry and I was like logistically I just have a couple question like the booth at the coffee shop yes I was like I was like well maybe he has a piano in his office but why would he have a booth in his office this makes we're tracking now tring just in the main sanctuary yes logistically so um so he spanks her um wait what because she's not wearing any underwear and she
did it on purpose and she had been touching herself while confessing and he eats her out and then immediately feels super guilty yeah that face is correct that face is correct that went from 6:00 to midnight real fast yep yep wait so she was masturbating while she was confessing yep did he know when that was happening it was just she so when he realized she wasn't wearing underwear he was like why did you do that you came here with no panties on purpose tell me
why were you touching yourself she's like yeah maybe could have been I don't know so um he immediately is like what the [ __ ] have I done because this Parish the former priest had been um terrible um and so he has done a lot to like repair the relationship with the community and he's like cool cool cool I just bent somebody over the piano and ate them out in the sanctuary where anyone could have walked in like what the [ __ ] is wrong with me maybe wipe it
down before glattus gets there for music practice right Myrtle will not be impressed and so um after she comes he tries to like back away but she starts feeling him up and telling him like what a good man he is and this is the other part of this book that I struggled with so immensely um they just like rub all over each other to completion and he's like doesn't count no penetration so it doesn't count as breaking my vals okay when you say rub all over each other I mean
like [ __ ] on dick without penetration okay just some nice dry humping it didn't sound like it was dry sounded like there was a situation well there was fabric to absorb absorb the moisture oh no no no no it was skin to skin cuz she wasn't wearing any underwear she pulled her skirt up and he pulled his pants down oh I missed the pants I didn't I don't think I mentioned the pants I don't think it's in my notes but that will continue continue to live rent free for me because I'm like Jesus
wept well no still not as bad as altered by fire when they accidentally killed the N I know right I did think that through this too I like put the prayer candle up her ass could have been worse could have killed a nun which also incidentally happens in Dairy girls so so they just just some old school high school youth group yes as long as there's no penetration it doesn't count yep and so they don't even speak to each other she just gets up and leaves that's it so then Millie who is
Tyler's very old parishioner shows up um to his house she very often comes to the parish and like will bring food and things like that and she immediately knows that something is wrong um and she knows it probably has to do with poppy because she had seen them in the coffee shop and seen how like close they looked mhm but she's really sweet about it and she tells him that there is nothing wrong with being a man and having feelings and like whatever and Tyler's
like nope I was about to say good for you Millie but before I say that is that the right response yeah Millie is very kind listen there's a lot of left turns in this book so I felt like I was about to be oh you know Millie way to go I really rooted for most everybody except for Tyler and Poppy I was like you guys [ __ ] suck like oh my God I can't [ __ ] stand it so um he is now like deciding he's going to double down on his um uh his vows he knows he may a mistake
can't happen again he's leading men's bible study that night and it happens to be on sexuality and of course and so then he is doing okay until he gets to um that one verse in Romans that ends with um what a Wretched Man I am and that becomes like his Mantra like over and over like what a Wretched Man I am like every time he thinks of anything what a Wretched Man I am he's insufferable just like go to [ __ ] therapy man thank you um so he now feels like he took advantage
of her because she was vulnerable and looking for help and like he couldn't keep himself together and he's a terrible person so go ahead well no cuz I feel like we're just like sure believe it okay I don't even give a [ __ ] of you I'm not going to be like no you're so incredible I'm just like you are an active partic participant in your current unhappiness and yes take [ __ ] accountability bro yes don't just like [ __ ] and like go wo is me saying wo is me is not true accountability yeah
and there's the other character that I very much rooted for in this basically tells him that is like we'll get there so Tyler goes for another run essentially to punish himself and he winds up at um the Tabernacle in the sanctuary um and I forgot how much of like how much artifacts are involved in Catholicism in the sacraments yeah and I was like Tabernacle oh yeah there's one of those in every Catholic Church I'm not going to lie you said the word Tabernacle and
I also paused and went yeah huh oh yeah yeah like I literally like wait a minute oh like that makes sense so he winds up at the Tabernacle which is at the front of the church for our listeners who are not uh Catholic or don't know anything about Catholicism bless you and you know go with God or whatever so so so okay you know in Star Wars where it's like May the force be with you right mhm I didn't know I went to Catholic church with a friend and I didn't know that they
say may peace be with you and also with you with you right I didn't like fully track that and then so I had a really hard time after that when people would say May the force be with you I just wanted to say and also with you which is not Hann I did I did I would I have no I know it's not a unique experience but like half of this book I was like is this my own religious issues that I'm reacting to or is this the book itself and I think it is a VIN diagram that's a circle
so well right because I I do feel like obviously altered by fire was it was different wild nobody had taken vows in that there was another book that I read where a priest had taken vows and at one point he used the prayer beads as anal beads like you did specifically ask me if that was going to happen no that yeah because because it stood out to me right in a it sounds like not a good idea well but also just in that way where like reading books that have these
like religious components to it mhm I I do agree that like there's some of like hey I know part of this is me reacting from my own experiences mhm and also you did just [ __ ] her with the the prayer beads or like yeah you know you you did still do it and you are a little insufferable so maybe yeah so I'm giving you less credit cuz I don't like you so so he's at the Tabernacle on his knees sobbing his eyes out because he just feels so bad about everything and
begging to be forgiven and then he just has this overwhelming sense of like peace and he feels god with him and this happens multiple times in the book where he's like God is here and I'm like is he or did the air conditioner turn on cuz he's like I felt to chill you just ran like 12 miles and you're covered in sweat I think it's cuz you're anemic right so I'm not getting less annoyed with it go I know I know that's why I was worried about doing this and why I had
to come up with a strategy so I didn't absolutely outright [ __ ] on him the whole time so the next few days are very uneventful but Friday poppy shows up to mass and he does fine until he touches her to give her the blessing because if you are not confirmed Catholic you cannot take communion in a Catholic church but you can can be a part of it by receiving a blessing from the priest instead of receiving the sacrament and so to be blessed the priest essentially like holds the top of
your head and makes the sign of the cross on your forehead and he just feels this like overwhelming connection to her and after Mass she stays behind so they can talk and they they talk about religion and he's like God she's so smart and I really like the way her brain works and she says she'd really like to volunteer cuz she wants to know more about the church and she would like to be involved so she volunteers for the pancake breakfast the next day um and he then starts to realize
like this is not just she's super hot like I I am developing feelings for her like this is worse somehow yeah I don't just I don't just want to bend her over the church piano right I want to know more about her I want to know her heart I want to penetrate her heart as much as I want to penetrate the rest yikes yes but it did still feel ACC like yikes like I don't love it but I also can't not wrong so the breakfast goes great Tyler feels great he's like this
is wonderful and then he and Poppy wind up being the last two there um and then they wind up somehow talking about if anyone especially a woman can be truly good it's like this weird philosophical thing of like whatever Eve yeah and he's like Forget About Eve like humans or humans whatever um and she he he's like you are incredible and you are loved by God no matter what blah blah blah and so then she finally tells him that Sterling called her and left a message because
she left Kansas City after he found her in an effort to again get away from him and he said that he is coming for her again and she's like I'm not doing this again like I'm not going with him I'm not saying yes Sterling bro where the [ __ ] does your wife think you are yeah it so it's very clear that like his wife is a business Arrangement this is we're talking like the social register level of like social class of like your family is listed in the very special book do
you know what I'm talking about like that's the social level where talking about and so it was a business Arrangement essentially his marriage and his he's like my wife knows what's up she didn't give a [ __ ] she didn't love me either my wife doesn't love me I don't love her I'll never love you but you do belong to me you [ __ ] yeah okay yep yeah so um resign so um so Tyler tells her like I really don't like this like I'm worried he could be dangerous like you know men are
always dangerous when they want what they can't have and she's like like you their father and like walks out like she's really pissed at him for like the way that he's talking to her which again I don't really understand okay that makes me feel better cuz I'm like I feel like I missed something I guess it's because she says like I'm not going to talk to him like I'm not going to do this again and he's like are you sure like be careful like I don't know and she's like I know my own mind like I'm
not going to do it again but also like you have no right to be concerned about it if I do anyway kind of so then she shows up at his house at 3:00 a.m. um with scotch in the rain and her pajamas to apologize for freaking out and he's like well love that she like fight flight or freeze flight yeah But like followed by Fawn right but I'm like with a very small like distress tolerance threshold there it's like a strong Breeze can make her flee yeah I'm like no you don't just like get to be this
reactive but she will because then she goes in and and he's like well I have to let her in it's raining it's dark she's cold I should hear her out and the whole time I'm like you are painfully full of [ __ ] yep from the jump and I think that's what irritates me like just be honest about it yes like just be straight up well especially cuz when you do that like oh I just like couldn't help it I'm so weak no you did what the [ __ ] you wanted to do right you made choices that led to
this bigger choice that now has bigger consequences like you [ __ ] did that anyway I got fired up about that because he really irritates me so bad I get it well I like I felt myself getting irritated earlier and I didn't even read it that's why you were like I haven't read it yet but maybe I will and I wanted to be like no you won't you'll be too annoyed yeah um so he apolog like they apologized to each other and she gets kind of mad that he thinks he took advantage of her um and starts to walk
out and then he grabs her she goes to apologize for being reactive and walking out yeah and then reacts and walks out yeah and so as she's Le she's no better than him like to be clear like she's just as irritating so as she starts to leave he grabs her and he's like just one more time and then he puts her on her knees and tells him tells her to suck him off he's like one more time and she is just like okay she's very into it um and then after she sucks his dick for a while he tells her to go
get on the kitchen counter um and then he goes in like an inch and then Jacks himself off and still is like it doesn't count like just the head of his dick is in and when I tell you all I could think about was [ __ ] Mormons I was like is this the opposite of soaking is this a different kind of soaking I don't know who can say not me um there was a group of guys I was friends with in grad school were all roommates and like they were like a great group of guys like every Thursday
night was like open party at their house and when I say party I mean like pingpong and like like yeah just a good place to hang out yes very very much so but we'll always remember one of their house rules was the tip doesn't count unless you want it to that's very good he didn't want it to count but I'm like the the tip does count it does even if you don't want it to yeah you're like no no no it's not like you have to penetrate three Ines for it to count but like the bargaining I think is
so fresh cuz the bargaining feels like like Purity culture bargaining and I think for you and I and our upbringings like that greats us in a very particular way yeah it's extra icky for me and so she like begs him not to pull out she wants him to come inside her she's on birth control whatever but that's like one of her like I don't you I don't think you can really call that a kink she's just super into it um and so he does and then she says um that she will see him at Mass tomorrow and they
will start over sure cuz that's how that works all right clean late yep reset the scoreboard all right I like a couple whenever we La whenever we reviewed seeing double or whatever it was called and I was just getting visibly more frustrated as we went yeah I feel like that's you right now yeah because then I think about um I believe it was on Supernatural That's like I guess a thing now for me I haven't watched that show in years but there's at one point Dean goes to like this
thing to be a born again virgin so he can like become a virgin again and that's what I think of I'm like okay sure whatever so yeah there's a pill for that Tyler gets a call from his boss the bishop and there's a pill for that sorry okay so Tyler's on the phone with his boss I'm just struggling so bad and Tyler as he's talking to his boss the bishop who is somebody he really respects he's realized that he has destroyed his own faith in himself and he needs to go to confession so
um he and Poppy are continuing to kind of get closer to explore their faith literally though because they're like talking about fundraising events and like she's asking questions about scripture and asking for help to learn to pray and like all this other stuff so when I was in college my college boyfriend we' met in like a Church College Bible study group sort of thing and he had recently had a breakup from like a long-term girlfriend uh and it was it came down to
religion he'd grown up in the the Christian church he had stepped away that's when they started dating he then returned to the Christian church and was like oh can't can't date her anymore we can't be unequally yolked you get it so then he go so then he goes hey CH how you doing right um but then like probably two months somewhere like early on into US dating we're he calls me one day and he's like I don't even remember this girl's name but he was like Hey so uh she has started going to church
and uh is a is a is a Christian now and she's asked me to spend some time with her um like showing her how to pray like answering her questions about scripture and I was like I need you to to hear back everything you just said to me let's think I'm like it it could all very much be true but I'm like it seems little like maybe she's trying to get it no shame girl yeah more power to you yeah um but maybe don't say my boyfriend I now believe that Jesus cross died on
the cross for my sins and rose again 3 days later as a way to get dick down I don't know if that there are other options there're so much easier ways plot twist that's not my husband a call back so um as poppy is asking before so Tyler's Confessor the person who receives his confession is in a different town right so it's something he kind of has to schedule so he hasn't been yet but when poppy asks for help learning to pray Tyler tells her to come to the sanctuary that night and when he
comes in he sees her crying at the altar and he realizes direct quote God is talking to Poppy maybe she's just upset dude maybe it is God what do I know so he doesn't want to interrupt but then he feels like he's part of the moment with her and so they wind up making out and it is a quote religious experience and they feel God so she's like is it always like this um and he's like no not always like sometimes you feel God and sometimes you don't like yeah sometimes your partner gets you there and
sometimes they don't it's just a thing you know like you have to communicate no one bats a thousand you have to communicate openly with open communication you can feel God more regularly you can have more satisfying religious experiences when you communicate with your partner I'm so sorry I'm so sorry sorry oh my God so sweet suffering Jesus he walks her home he really is and they confess to each other that like they want to be together like they're tired of this game that they're playing
and so she says she's going out of town for a few days so he fingers her in the backyard to hold her over till they can get together again as one does they have phone sex poppy shows up at the church lots of spanking and degradation and like you like that whatever um they do remember to lock the sanctuary doors this time this is like on the altar at the front of the sanctuary he ties her up um with I can't remember the name of it and even if I did I probably wouldn't try to say it
because I wouldn't pronounce it correctly but it's the the like rope that is tied around a priest's robes when they do mask yes he uses that to tie her up which when a priest puts on like the different parts of his whole situation before Mass there are like prayers and invocations that they do as they put them on and the one for that is Purity and he ties her up with it over the altar so he can [ __ ] her so um he gets consent at this point I need more to surprise me cuz I'm like
I like this none of it will I don't think well I'm like okay this is what I expect you know I expect him to use the Purity rope yep to tie to the altar yep he makes her choke on his dick he lays her out and finally [ __ ] her like really really hard and then there's after care where he's like taking care of her so apparently he was like in the BDSM scene before he became a priest and so like he's aware of like what he needs to do so there's good after care and
then there's more [ __ ] and then they almost declare love but he kind of stops her cuz he's not ready for that um and then is after care the one redeeming part of Tyler that doesn't frustrate me in this book yes like he does a good job of like taking care of her afterwards and making sure that she's okay and like she's drinking water and you know she's eating and everything so then they talk after sneaking back into his house he shares more about like his sister and the pain of losing her
um and she shares more about Sterling and Tyler is really jealous that Sterling can pursue her and he can't that's his takeaway and I'm like you're a punk ass [ __ ] sorry she is naked in your bed bro like whatever I don't know that feels like obviously not quite the same but when people are like oh my gosh this person like hit on my my husband or like hit on my you have a legally B you won like yeah it what are you jealous of yeah like at this point respectfully you
kind of just need to look in within yourself as to why this is triggering something in you because like nothing outside of this should really be evoking this response in you the man is [ __ ] stalking her and you're like I wish I could stalk her yeah she's naked in your bed what more do you want like you've literally come like three times now shouldn't you be more relaxed oh my God so she starts to say like what are we going to do like valid question and he's
like I'm not ready to go there and so he eats her out to like distract her from that conversation which becomes relevant later so um poppy is gone the next morning and Tyler is like freaking out because he's like oh my god did she get what she wanted from me and now it's over did I throw everything away for nothing and he like spirals for no reason I'm like every time you just gave a new Tyler fact I'm just like what a [ __ ] I feel like my tone is getting more and more
agitated so my strategy is falling apart come on Peter okay so um poppy still shows to the pancake breakfast but she like really avoids him completely um and when they do finally talk poppy tells Tyler that she's just so guilty and overwhelmed that she did this to him that like she could be ruining his life and his career and all of his principles and she just feels really awful and um he doesn't know what to say and so he just starts confession he's like how long has it been since your last
confession cuz he doesn't know what to do and I'm like okay again you're a punk ass [ __ ] um so then she tells him that she has been fantasizing about anal he takes her to his office and he uses holy oil as lube fine he's and he goes into so much detail too about like this was blessed by the bishop last year on such and such Saints Day or whatever the [ __ ] and I'm like mhm I don't think any of that matters when you're rubbing it around her brown eye hey so um there's more good after care
all that's really great and then he gives poppy his sister's rosary and declares his love but he will not let her say it back so Tyler finally [ __ ] makes it to confession and he gets there and the priest is a really good friend of his from Seminary and he immediately is like go home like before Tyler can even say anything he's like go away and um he's like I know that you broke your vows and I know that you're not going to stop because this guy is supposedly like super spiritual and
really does like talk to God all the time it's not an just an East blowing wind correct um and um he's like come back when you are actually ready to repent I'm not going to tell anybody but I will not receive your confession just to do this with you again in a couple of weeks good luck so then there respect respect on this man all see I liked him I like him I like Millie yeah I'm rooting for the real ones out here yes so then um my notes just say immediately after that more
anal I was clearly over it at this point so poppy tells Tyler that she really can't do this much longer that um she doesn't want to ruin his life but she wants to actually be able to be with him and he doesn't really respond and so she asks him to leave and when he gets home Millie is in his kitchen and it's the middle of the night and um she explains she knows about poppy that he is not as subtle as he thinks she he is like sneaking back from her house um Millie
has seen him repeatedly but he's a good man and a good priest and she just wants him to be careful she's not going to tell anybody she just wants him to be careful so he's a mess and after mask after mask after MK who should be there but Sterling and he is there with pictures of him and Poppy kissing he doesn't have any like anything more explicit but even that is enough um to really ruin him and um he says that he's just scoping out the competition but that Poppy will be his in the
end um and so people aren't property well I know Sterling has not received that message quite frankly I feel like even if Sterling had received that message he'd go this isn't applicable to me and my life choices yeah he would put it in the filing cabinet that's the garbage can if you sorry okay so Tyler's freaking out he tries to call Poppy she doesn't answer um he he goes to her house her car is there but she's not and so later he then gets a text from Sterling and it's a photo of poppy in a
car and Tyler continues to freak out and be really angry that she is leaving him for someone else which again nobody said that dude like just took a hop skip and a jump all the way to the end I feel like Tyler is the embodiment of that Meme that's like not me jumping to conclusion like a GYN in a full split sort of energy yes but then he's like am I even allowed to be angry I shouldn't have been doing any of this in the first place so he gets super drunk and decides that he should work
out while drunk poppy shows up the next day um and he just tells her you're not allowed to talk and puts her on her knees and jerks off all over her um and he because he realizes he should not [ __ ] her when he's like this like that's the the best that he can do at that point because he doesn't want to hurt her I guess just a greater cuz that's not hurtful so she takes care of him like quite frankly that was maybe worse to me yeah right and I can't say that to for I I
can't say that to everyone but I'm like I it's not good yeah you're too angry to [ __ ] me because you're afraid you'll hurt me oh okay sorry just just making sure I'm processing and tracking all this correctly yeah so she actually winds up taking care of him and like gets him in bed um and she says they'll talk when when he wakes up so um she tells him when he finally gets up that they're going on a date get dressed we're going out so they go to Kansas City but she won't tell him where
they're going she explains that she did spend time with Sterling um but she wouldn't go with him nothing happened with him she continues to tell him no um but Tyler doesn't think that Sterling is really done with it um but she winds up taking him to the strip club where she used to work in a private room they role play um so she wants him to fully let go and this is again where I was like I get it you've read the Bible because it's all Herod talk with like the you know herod's dancers or
whatever and talk about Esther as she like sacrificed her body for her people or whatever the [ __ ] so um he puts her on a leash and [ __ ] her before coming all over her face my notes say another religious experience and in his mind he's like this is marriage we're married now what wait it's like the delusional way his brain is trying to make it okay to be like we're married now like what by whose standard are you married now and if you say it's because we felt God
while we were making out that is not an acceptable answer I'm like you can also feel God from eating a very special kind of brownie like that's not you know what I'm saying like it's cool man chill out he has no cool so not in like a fun retriever Energy Way NOP mm so the next day he has already decided that this is the last Mass he's ever going to do and he's going to marry poppy he leaves a voicemail for the bishop um with his resignation and then he goes to propose to Poppy finally
feeling like this is it like that religious experience at the strip club was my message from God that like being with poppy isn't wrong this is what we're supposed to be doing this is what God wants for me so um she had been at Mass he's really excited to see her but when he gets there Sterling is there and he sees her or he sees them kissing and he is utterly destroyed and just starts driving away um he doesn't have his phone with him um he's just gone until
he shows up at his confessor's house who is also his friend um he confesses everything tells and his friend is like okay your Penance is to spend one day with God and Tyler's like nope needs to be more than that like how many [ __ ] hail marries do you have to do to make up for what I've done like come on dude he's like nope one day in contemplation with God because that's what you need right what you want is to punish yourself what you need is to reconnect with your faith
so um Tyler stays with his friend um and he also comes to the conclusion he wants to remain in the priesthood if he can't be with poppy he truly was just leaving to be with her he actually loves being a priest and like being able to help other people so then the phone rangs at like 2 a.m. and it is the bishop photos of him and poy were released online and he needs to resign Tyler says though that he wants to stay even though that would mean moving to a new Parish um and that is if
the Cardinal who is above the bishop will approve they'll talk more later so then when he is in his like Penance contemplation with God he realizes that he shouldn't leave the church for poppy that he needs to make the decision for himself and he wants the freedom to help other people in whatever way he feels is Right rather than having it dictated by the church so he quits he moves in with his brother everybody's actually super supportive he actually becomes a major
internet meme because of the the photos that were listed or released online um he's got a fan club um it's been a couple of months and he has heard nothing from poppy so the last time he saw her was at mass and then when she was kissing Sterling in her house that's the last he saw of her did she reach out to him and he didn't reply at all or just like okay nope he went back to her house after he had disappeared for a couple of days with his friend he went back to her house and
it was completely empty she's moved and he hasn't figured out how to reach her okay um so he assumes that she took Sterling up and she's gone um so he decides to go to the club for closure um because she was still working for them as like a an accountant essentially and he's like if anybody will be able to get a message to her it's them yeah um but when he gets there um she has quit there nobody knows where she is or what's going on with her but she did leave his sister's Rosary for
him um and so he needs to accept that like he loved her more than she loved him and he can't keep doing this anymore mhm so he goes to Kenya for seven months yep okay to dig Wells or whatever I really hope they had a partnering organization over there because Tyler does give the energy of a man who just like [ __ ] gets off a plane in Kenya and it's like I'm here to help I feel God more in this heat oh no oh God okay nope okay so um he also has decided he's going to go back to school for his
PhD he still has dreams about poppy um and he decides that when he gets back he's going to go find her and give her the rosary back because it was a gift it wasn't about that but he really feels like it would be good for both of them to have closure even though she really hurt him he understands now that like it was right for him to leave on his own and like he needed this time for growth and stuff clearly so um he searches for months once he gets back um and he can't find
her anywhere but right before he is supposed to be going back to school he finally goes to see Sterling he's like I don't know where poppy is but I know where Sterling is um cuz he's like you know in high up in business so whatever major business guy in in the midwest so he gets there and Sterling is like how is she and he's like nope that's my line my guy I what so she wasn't with him this whole time she left both of them and neither knew um and apparently after Tyler saw
them kissing Poppy had punched Sterling in the mouth um and kicked him out which is why he released the pictures of the two of them because he was bitter about it and um even still even though she he hasn't spok spoken to her and it's been like 10 months at this point even though he hasn't spoken to her he knows where she is um and so he gives him an address for a dance studio and it turns out she has opened like a a free dance studio in like a really rough area in New York to like
help local kids and stuff so he she isn't in the studio but he sees a church nearby and so he just goes there on Instinct um and there she is um poppy explains like she's crying and apologizing what was she doing in the new church she was praying sure she was I just have Madonna stuck in my head which again is a different challenge um so poppy said that she knew that he'd see her kiss Sterling and she wanted him to hate her so that he could move on because repeatedly she tried to tell him how
guilty she was for what they were doing and how she was hurting him and how she could see it was tearing him apart what they were doing and he refused used to listen to her every time and she was like if this was the only way I was going to get you to leave me and like maybe be able to salvage your career as a priest like that's what I was going to do which again doesn't make any sense but poppy did what she did so then he feels guilty that um he didn't listen oh my [ __ ] gosh so then
they both apologize and then he proposes to her and in the church and then they [ __ ] in the church that and then epilog would you like to hear my notes oh no they're [ __ ] in a church again this time it's on their wedding day the end woo huh wow huh I'm going have to sit with that one for a minute and by that I mean sit with our review of it I don't mean sit down and read it because I think I wouldn't recommend it would be too frustrated yeah yeah and I think part of
it is like I processed all this like weird Purity culture stuff a long time ago and so reading it is like yes but also I really don't like the like push and pull stuff I'm like [ __ ] or get off the pot like you know yes I which is a personal preference I think the push and pull there are sometimes where I don't mind it but I do think when you're like mix mixing in religious bargaining it feels less fun to me personally mhm um prayer beads altars Purity ropes what's our rating system himnos
pianos not a tabernacle pianos are are pretty big they're pretty big they're 888 piano keys 88 okay yeah so out of 88 piano keys that he [ __ ] her on what out of 88 is our final [Music] store [ __ ] man okay oh like 25 okay I'm trying to be really nice I really hated it so [Laughter] much and that's okay you're allowed to hate it I am allowed to hate it what I did appreciate was like uh it was clear that there was some understanding of like the actual BDSM lifestyle in it that I didn't fully
touch on but like he took good care of her he was clear about consent he made sure that she was safe like those things were good I appreciated that I really liked Millie I didn't get how like absolutely sassy she was but it was very enjoyable um you know but also like there was really no plot like the relationship being a secret was the plot yeah the push and pull of yeah their relationship won't we mhm and you're like well clearly the book's about y'all so I have a feeling you probably will
right yeah yeah yeah um because even Sterling in the end was not a bad guy he was like I mean he was but he also wasn't Tyler went to see him and he was like Sterling was like can understand that she's her own person she said no I've let her go he's like I mean I followed her until I knew where she was but I did Chase her for several years but I haven't I haven't had a pi on her in about 6 months progress yeah what a weird metric we're using for which characters are good in
this book because you're like well comparatively I guess none of them are it's Millie and Julian who is the Confessor those are the only two that I'm like y'all are all right into it so 25 out of 88 piano keys yep is our final offer mhm let us know how many piano keys you would choose cuz I I do feel like this is a book that's like picked up a lot of momentum because people have very different experiences so I feel like some people like have really loved it and I feel like there
are some people who landmor the you and I camp where we're like huh they were insufferable and it probably touched on our personal [ __ ] a little too much to like want to put up with how sufferable they are well and like I could see for somebody else that it could be kind of like empowering to read or like cathartic to read in some way but like that was definitely not my experience so yeah yeah the holy oil I was like okay because at some point it just felt like
the religious artifacts were being involved strictly for like a shock value and it it didn't actually add to the story and I was like okay unless the prayer candle in your ass kills a nun I don't want it not into it all right 25 out of 88 let us know how many you would rate it don't forget to like subscribe share with your friends um every review truly does help and please also send us your recommendations we love to have them we love to read them we sometimes love to [ __ ]
on thank you for coming on this journey as well cuz I feel like it was one it was indeed a journey see youall next time mut [ __ ] bye SM puppies well that's it for this week's mut [ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it sure was great for us if you're digging what we're doing it would mean a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and review the show wherever you're listening right now maybe tell that sexy someone to lend us an ear we love you we appreciate you and we'll see you next
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