well hello All You Beautiful [Music] People you know what time it is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and everyone in between gather around get you something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on cuz it's time for smut Club here's your hosts Chelsea and [Applause] Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this is the podcast where we uh daydrink and review romance novels of uh varying quality yeah I feels accurate yeah I
mean cuz some books we read and I'm like this book slaps I would read it again 100% and then I think there are some books that like were like I started reading this and as soon as I started reading it I started outlining it because I knew I would review it and could never look back right this is not when I was going to reread for the Pod this was happening one time yeah yeah yeah de had those books where you you're like sure I'm just picking up this random one and you're like oh my God I
need to outline this immediately like it was on a random list on Tik Tok somebody like held up the cover and I was like that looks interesting and then I'm like nope I made a mistake but I'm In Too Deep we all right I think we've talked about this a bit before because yes there are those books that I'm like as soon as I start reading this I start outlining it but I think I've also finally started to give myself freedom for just being like this book blows and I don't want to like
this isn't bringing joy to my soul I don't want to finish this yeah and I think historically I would just be no like you owe it to the author to finish the book and then sometimes I'm like oh my God I've been reading for days and I'm at 20% of the way through painful no yeah it's not worth it can't do this well uh like Kristen Ashley I've read probably 25 plus Ashley yeah well and I feel like there are just some series that you like you can pick them up very casually and her series will
then have like seven or eight books and so I'm like it's it's over time right uh but there are also some Christian Christen Ashley books where I'm like this is um a little too long- winded for me where I'm like we are 150 pages into a 600 page book and nothing has happened yet like I I I can't yeah please stop asking me to well and there have been times when like if it's in a series like that where each one follows a different couple or whatever but there's stuff
about the overall storyline you need for the next one I'll read like the first and last three chapters and I'm like I feel like I got it like I got the IST that's fair yeah and I do feel like most books give you enough of a refresher yeah unless it's like a series like a mafia series where each book is like 180 pages and it ends on a cliffhanger and then the next book just starts and they're like we expect you to know what you're getting into we will not be going back right yep um but
today we actually have what I've I've never read fourth of I smut before me either I'm excited but I love smut for every occasion so if you're looking for um some patriotic smut this is our sparkly holiday smut and I will also be clear it's really not that patriotic I'm good with that it's like it starts on 4th of July and that's why we're here that's why it's 4th of July duh good to know right so all right we should probably tell you what the book is today we are reading not so lucky um
not is with a K like tying the knot um by trilina pooie and before we turn the mics on we had a very long conversation trilina if we are mispronouncing any part of your name please let us know we assumed poochie like Tucci CU then we had a very long conversation about how wonderful Stanley Tui is shout out to Stan would love to have you on the show whenever whenever you want to read some SM schedule whenever you're rolling through North Georgia holl at your girls we're here
we're here for you and we are very willing to review trashy romance novels with you um okay so not so lucky is We are following Eleanor and crew are the are the two main characters here it's dual point of view for a lot of the book like it doesn't really necessarily matter that it's dual point of view but there are points where I'm like okay this goes more prominent so we are um opening with Elanor Elanor is on the phone with her sister Samantha um as she is leaving a hotel looking a hot mess in
a dress that the buttons have been torn off and uh the ultimate Walk of Shame right right kind of energy I'm telling her sister how the night before she uh got drunk in Vegas married crew Matthews who's the quarterback for the Vegas Raiders sure yeah uh and her sister's only response was are you trying to break dad's heart he's a lifelong ners fan I'm like I love the priorities here yes yeah so she's like listen I I married crew Matthews [ __ ] his friends and now I'm I'm headed back to my hotel
[ __ ] his friends yeah they're uh they're all willing to share noted yeah oh so is this a reverse Harum no okay all right it is not a reverse harm just some people who like to have a good time okay right sure yeah so we that's where we open and then we like rewind for a little bit of additional context to the day before um where it is 4th of July Elanor is flying into Vegas um from the bay area in California okay is that San Francis San Francisco yeah I accidentally spilled some vodka
already listen I've never lived in California I also grew up in the Tampa Bay area there's a lot of bay areas Hannah why why is that your because I just started thinking about sitting on a Dock of the Bay by Otis reading because he says in there he's on The Frisco Bay um no I just got very I started thinking of Anchor Man and San Diego go and then like when he's like and this is what that stand was it whales vag yes yes I'm pretty sure it doesn't pretty sure it does like that's and then I was
like I am getting very off track and getting my city SK we're in the weeds for all of it anyway they're in Vegas but she's from the Bay Area uh she is an esthetician who was working on opening her own Salon oh yes um so they get to Elanor and her bestie Millie get to the janky ass motel that they booked uh and it is creepy as [ __ ] and Elanor is like Millie what the [ __ ] like you're the one who booked this place like and we need to find a new place and she was like you
went through a travel agent and Millie's like well like she's not really a travel agent she's more of like a travel blogger I saw her on Tik Tok she made a video about which hotel to stay at based on your star sign and you know I'm a sad Arius oh my God Hannah if you ever booked a trip for us and said I booked this hotel cuz you know I'm a cancer I just can't help myself well I what I would say is I booked this because you're a Cancer and I'm doing this for you Hannah you were
born a day before me we are both cancer I know but I would make it your fault Chelsea you're just feeling extra cancery right now so I booked this for you you know you can't recognize the support I'm giving because you're a Cancer and I can give you Grace for that I think and I could be wrong here but I think that's what they call gaslighting I was going to say yeah yeah no I heard it please don't Gaslight me about future hotels outside of that we'll be good but
the problem is that it's 4th of July so so everything is booked and they they can't find another place um they end up going out dancing um because that is what they are there in Vegas to do is to live the Vegas fun for Fourth of July weekend right have a good time yes and as they're uh at the bar ordering their drinks like a super like cute guy comes up on one side of her and then a super cute guy comes up on the other side of her and she's like looking between them
and it's like oh like is this the part where I'm supposed to choose and they're like why choose sure strong opener yeah yeah yeah um this is now when we're going to switch to Cruz perspective and our introduction to him his buddies are waking him up his buddies Nate and TJ were the dudes who were on either side of Elanor got it in her mental image he is very hung over uh but like recalling last night and he's like they're like do you remember what happened last night he's like yeah I got
married and y'all [ __ ] my wife we all like what a way to wake up well but he woke up late because his trainer is there because right he's an nete yeah he's an NFL quarterback she's a Tiny Terror named Claire that they are all completely terrified of I love that yes it always makes me laugh um and he finds a note from Elanor that like has her number and her location and is like I want a divorce call me love you bye yeah so he calls his laer and he's like you're you're going to work for all
that money I pay you today his La is like are you [ __ ] kidding me but then his lawyer uh his lawyer's name is Josh Josh's sister is Barrett who is a cruise agent and so Josh is like did you tell Barrett yet he's like no got to figure that one out she doesn't need to know really surely this won't impact anything be like a quick and dirty enement nobody has to know you're like de not my agent this can stay under RPS those Vegas chapels aren't like super Johnny on the
spot with the paperwork I'm sure we can like before they file it you know I have a friend who is a photographer here in North Georgia and she just shot um in a lopment in Vegas oh cool in the photos where I'm like damn it those are cool wedding photos yeah I'm like this couple's just so cool like I'm like I've never looked at someone's wedding photos and explicitly thought God damn they look cool like like I've obviously looked at I'm like they're so beautiful I'm like right
I'm like dang these people look like a Vibe yeah I don't think I have either no no I don't know if I could have gotten married in Vegas I'm I'm sure I could have but when I was asked to leave a casino once and I've been afraid to go to a casino ever since then and it's not that great a story but I was 12 and I was there visiting my uncle who lived in Vegas and he really wanted to place a bet on some ponies and me and my sister were not allowed in the area where you place the bets so just left us
on the floor of the casino and I was 12 and I wanted to play nickel slots and if there's one thing you shouldn't do in a casino when you're underage it's Play Nickel slots so we were asked to leave and my uncle was banned from the casino I mean I I kind of get why yeah but you weren't banned from the casino no but I have like this core memory of like I can't go back back there I saw this post online where this guy's like yeah met this dude who like apparently got banned from a bar in 78
and it was like surely like that doesn't still stand and he walked in recently like get the [ __ ] out of here Dan God damn it Dan you know the rules I'm like that's you and this casino even though you were 12 and they were like clearly this 12-year-old's not at fault but you're like I can't get married in a Vegas I could never I could never by an Elvis impersonator because one time I played nickel SLO as a they don't have Elvis impersonators anymore you can
bring your own you could bring your own but the them have them at all no there was some licensing thing maybe it got resolved but a few years ago there was a licensing thing they they weren't allowed to have elice impersonators in the wedding chapels B yoe yes anyway all right so he [ __ ] you all [ __ ] my wife and then we see Cruz little flashback the day before where he'd been meeting with his agent Barrett about the transition to the 49ers so he is switching from the Raiders to the
49ers and his besties TJ and Nate will be joining him um but this deal has been set and his agent's like listen no no more media scandals like keep keep your head down and we do like we find out kind of throughout the book I don't really remember exactly when it's not the most important but like I guess like with crew as the quarterback the Raiders had like lost a Super Bowl and he was being interviewed by ESPN and went off on how much of a dumbass the owner of
the team was nice yes in a way that it's like yeah maybe uh maybe another team would would be a better fit for us here right it's time to transition so as he is talking to his agent about all of this he's like getting texts from uh Nate and TJ that's are like you need to like meet us at the club like we got some wild ones like there's this one girl that like she is like mint and he just goes dibs have not seen her text text them dibs before he has even made it to the bar uh when he
gets to the bar though and like gets to where they're all hanging out his eyes lock with her as she's the one who's like dancing on a table with a champagne bottle with a sparkler flying out of the top it's like very much the the party she trips falls into his arms and he's like I am about this right yes this is fantastic um so the two of them are very like locked in with each other and kind of flirting all night and they all end up on a party bus and he's like you you
should come home with me and she's like well sure what are you offering oh we're bargaining now got it so she stands up on the party bus and goes hey he's saying I should come home with him anyone else have a better offer like what and so like one of the dudes TJ is like I'll I'll lift a boom box over my head like react say anything and Nate's like I'll get your name tattooed on my ass and crew is like marry me right and that's how we got here and this is how we got there so now back to
present um Elanor is looking a hot mess but she finally gets back to her hotel but also in like the true tragic walk of shame I was going to say Walk of Fame but no Walk of Shame oh uh yeah I remember once going to Austin over a spring break with a friend of mine mhm and uh there had been this like huge I guess like annual party that happens on Greek Road there and we're driving down Greek Road the morning after and I will never forget this girl was wearing like a neon tank top and a fanny pack
like hair all a skew just limping down in a way that I'm like I don't know if me stopping to ask you if you need a ride um would make this better or worse for you yeah I was like because I was like this we might end up being those people in the story that you're like and then I looked so tragic these weirdos these weirdos driving down the street asked if they could help they banged a UI to come ask if I was okay to be fair she looked more like right of passage Walk of Shame home not uh like
injured yeah not like if we don't intervene she won't get home she stumble into a bush yeah like I don't she didn't look like she would be on the news as like haven't been seen like [ __ ] we saw her this is on us no right just I'm like oh we've all been there we have yeah yeah well Le we forget the time that I had been partying and then I I was not driving my car when this happened but a whole a bottle of whiskey fell over in the back seat and soaked the the
mats but I was uh the lay youth pastor at a church at the time and we were launching the youth minist like the new youth ministry programming the next morning that Sunday sure and I was supposed to drive students in my car M so the morning we're launching I'm at the church and I'm like hey guys I can't drive anyone today if you need to smell my car you'll understand I'm happy to take a breathalyzer but like my car re like my car smelled so bad I was like I probably
wreak of it walking into church oh my my God that's rough dude like no it's like can you get contact drunk like I'm like sitting in your hot box car you had some water on your hands earlier and I thought you were rubbing vodka into them were you trying to get contact drunk on the Vodka on your hand maybe okay so Elanor gets back to the hotel room but she like gets there like after checkout had already happened but all of her stuff is still in the room so the door is locked but she doesn't have
her wallet cuz it's in the room and her phone has now died of course and she's like at the point where she's like am I going to have to give this dude a really sketchy [ __ ] to get like she's like I just need my wallet I just need a wallet or a phone charger I'm just trying my best at this point where is her friend uh Millie had hooked up with a DJ sure well I think she was maybe already hooking up with him when this one started cuz they're hanging out with
him so all right this book had started as like the third book in the second book in a three book series okay the first book had been 10 in Tinsel I think oh right which is about her sister Samantha and is an actual reverse Harum right um and it cuz like the whole series had been like the holiday series sure and then this book was the second one then the third book is Valentine's um and it's about Millie oh okay and TJ and Nate oh that one like just released in 2024 okay but I noticed
was when I downloaded the third what three ways to mend a broken heart I think is like what the third one's called uh but it looked like it had shifted where it wasn't holiday book 3 it was destination love book two and then this was destination love book one but the series has yeah it's like they she decided to change the series right but like forgot to update it so I'm I was a little confused by that if I'm being honest not that it actually impacts my ability to read the book
right but I'm like what oh so is this a two book series or a three book series and we've switch names we switch series I don't really get it oh well not really relevant uh Millie gets there is just like laughing watching this whole exchange pays the dude they get back in their room um and then Eleanor goes out to her car to get a charger and has at this point missed a text from crew because her phone was dead crew being like hey we got a meeting with a judge I'm on my way to pick you up yeah
let's get you but then it's also funny because she's in her car charging her phone and crew like opens the car door and she just starts attacking good for her like doesn't open her eyes just starts like blindly swinging and she's like how do I recall all of like the like defense training I've had so she's just shouting like Punch Kick go for the vulnerable areas and Cruz like open your [ __ ] eyes that's awesome at one point she's shouting she's like I'm the wrong demographic to get [Laughter]
trafficked and he's like no one's trying to traffic you open your eyes I texted you I was coming you're my wife he's like you might only be my wife for another hour but God damn girl not trying to kill you so they're now heading to the courthouse running late uh Cruz like what about one last ROM for for Old Time sake and Eleanor is like I don't double dip my fun dick and he's like what she's like you know like fun dip but dick I don't double dip she's like I'll make out with you
some so they end up like making out I think I love her in like a hot mess way of like I hope you grow but also I love this stage for you after reading three ways to mend a broken heart I really don't think she's gross good to know I can adjust my hopes but this is kind of the just like unfl flappable like funny energy this whole is is the whole book 1,000% um but as they're walking into the judges Chambers uh Josh the lawyer is like get he's like okay you guys were
too drunk to consent to what you like you do not remember it like and they were like well that feels a bit like stretching the truth but if that's kind of what we we need to say that that's fine but then like Elanor and Josh are like laughing it up and then crew is a little bit like what the [ __ ] is my lawyer flirting with my wife and I'm like she's not going to be your wife bro you you gotta you got to let it go right you can't call dibs anymore you're getting divorced and she doesn't want to
double dip anyway so maybe let her do a single dip with your lawyer sorry single dip I was trying I know we were saying double dip but there's something about single dip that feels it feels bad it felt bad when I said it you're like Chelsea I need to know I didn't feel good saying it either so as they are now um in the judges Chambers and they're sitting there and so they're like saying like yep we were too drunk we don't remember judge is like so I just want to like confirm that that's
the truth because lying even in Chambers is is perjury and they're like yeah it's the truth and then the judge pulls out his phone and opens Eleanor's Instagram where she' posted a real of everyone laughing around them her like legs around crew's waist sort of energy being like I just married crew Matthews and then making out and they're like the problem is we only look five out of 10 drunk in that video cuz we were only five out of 10 drunk and Elanor is like that video is
private and he's like the judge is like your Instagram is public [ __ ] whoops yes and so then he's like well I can't offer you an analment because you're not meeting the criteria for an analment and he's like and for divorce one of you must be a citizen and uh crew has been living in like the penthouse of a hotel in Vegas but right has not is not technically a Nevada resident um and so they're like well would you grant him like good faith citizenship to do this and then they're
like oh well like if he weren't leaving to go to a different team and then crew is crew and his lawyer are starting to pick up on what's going on and Elanor is just like oh he's a football fan do something football autograph something yeah she's like do you want to sign something here grab something yeah crew do it you have a football right people just carry them like sign it while crew and Josh are sitting there seeing that uh he has a specialty Jersey that was limited
release that was just the owner's best friends who got them after winning a championship the one that crew talked mad [ __ ] about on ESPN yeah yeah yeah I see so as soon as they see what the uh like what Jersey it is sitation [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] and so then crew starts like going off and it's starting to get really angry to the point that like Eleanor jumps on his lap and starts making out with him and she's like do not make this worse like you
yelling at this judge is not going to get us out of this shut the [ __ ] up we will figure this out you are not helping me yes you you not helping anyone in this yourself or me Shut the [ __ ] up I will distract you by making out with you in front of your your the judge and your lawyer yeah um which really made me laugh so now afterwards they haven't left the courthouse yet but um Eleanor is FaceTiming her sister and Millie and telling them about the ruling and her sister's kind of like so
you have to stay married to the hot football player for a month dang and and you wanted me to feel bad for you I like her yeah all of them like the whole time you're like this is the right level yeah because Ellen was sitting there and she's like what's the football equivalent of a Swifty cuz that's what's [ __ ] happening here this football Swifty and now I can't get a divorce there's so many football swifties now though well and you know to be fair this book was written before
Travis Kelsey and tayor Swift started dating which makes it even funnier I also was laughing cuz I saw a post that uh in an interview they asked uh Machine Gun Kelly like three thoughts or critic like something of like some maybe it was uh the new Taylor Swift album I forget what exactly it was I just not Machine Gun Kelly's response was you're out of your [ __ ] mind if you think I want any smoke with that fan base like I am not saying [ __ ] against her he said you want
me to fight Eminem 100% you you want me to threaten Dr Dre no problem you want me to talk [ __ ] about Swift no we won't be doing that and not actually I think because of Taylor no I love that so much actually I don't want any smoke with that fan that's really good um so as Elanor is sitting there telling her sister and bestie about this she is hearing crew on the phone updating his people and he's real pissed and like making a couple comments that like she knows aren't targeted towards
her but are still kind of shitty where and he's like this judge is trying to like [ __ ] me over with last night's [ __ ] like are you [ __ ] me yeah and she's like excuse me this is high class right right yeah like not actual offended were you not trying to get in it again and I said no come on now [ __ ] like yeah you wanted it an hour ago don't call me laugh used [ __ ] exactly you get it yeah and so she's like whatever [ __ ] it I'm not going to uh I'm not going to sleep with them for
the next so the the full explanation is that the judge said you need to stay both of you need to stay with your feet in Vegas for the next 30 days for me to Grant the divorce got it yes so we're stuck here which means she can't go back and work on her business and he might have issues with his new team yeah yeah like I think he was missing part of training camp or something like that um something in that that General wheelhouse but then crew walks up and he's like we need to we
need to go and she's like I'm still on FaceTime and so he just grabs her phone and looks at them and he's like hey great to meet you we need to go hangs up and then he's like the paparazzi are out front because they think the Judge called them and he's like so we need to sneak out the back um but as they are also kind of having a an actual conversation about everything now um crew is really nervous that this could [ __ ] up the deal with the ners um but not just because it's his deal but
because TJ and Nate are his best friends who are supposed to be making this transition with him right and so elino is like okay like I'm happy to to stay and play ball and do what's needed so that it doesn't [ __ ] all three of you over but kind of more like TJ and Nate don't deserve this because we decied to get married last night which I thought was kind well and also as her sister said before so you get to live with a hot football player you're married to I'm not that upset for you my heart
breaks for you yeah do you see me weeping over here over this situation never been more upset um so Elanor is texting her sister and bestie Millie that she's like listen nothing's going to happen keeping in my pants this is I just need to stay here for 30 days but like her and crew had already kind of like agreed that like we just need to get through this and get to the other side but crew grabs her phone to try and see who she's texting and then end up starting a new thread like adds his name
to the phone starts a new thread and it's like hey new bet I have Eleanor screaming My Name by tonight and for each day I don't I'll pay you guys $1,000 if I get her to scream my name she has to delete her roster from her phone yeah well at one point like TJ and N like why did you want her to delete her roster bro right why do you care yeah and like did you want her to like not have other dudes names on her phone he's like no because I think it's funny and inconvenient and Petty and we're like
sure if that's what you need to convince yourself of true yeah it was funny because I read this book I know sometime in 2023 but reading it this time I do feel like I was envisioning Travis Kelsey more even though he's not actually the quarterback for his team but that was who I was kind of envisioning with the energy right um so crew was like all right how do I seduce my wife he's like not romantically I'm just trying to get it in just physically yes so he text his trainer
Claire you're a woman yes literally you get it hey how do I seduce her like how do I get her into me and he's like she's like what do I get out of why would I help you and he's like I won't complain for the next month during wind Sprints and she's like two months he's like fine whatever so she goes okay shirtless gray sweatpants roll out your quads you know okay and he's like wait what and she's like trust me it'll work which you know I hadn't really thought of uh quad rolling as
sexual because I used to do it like at like a crossfit gym where there's like 10 of you all like there's nothing sexual about this I've like I've never actually thought of using that as ation ttic right like like and I also don't necessarily think this is Matt's energy but I'm just like yeah what would you do if you walked into your house you got home from recording today and Matt shirtless Gray swep pants pelvic thrusting that quad roller on the floor I would wonder if he hurt
himself and I would also wonder where he got a quad roller like a foam roller I would wonder where he got it cuz I have one he doesn't know where it is he are you hiding it no it's in the guest bedroom closet that he doesn't go in ever for any reason so I'd be like well and I would clearly you're not rolling out that much if it's in the guest bedroom closet so he would not have that thought at all you know what I have started doing I got an acupressure mat yes it's am
amazing it's amazing I love it is it as uncomfy as they say for the first like 2 minutes yeah it is um you can do like a a thin like tank top or t-shirt on okay that makes sense but I have done it with and without and it it was fine without but um Matt gets so upset every time I do it he's like cover that [ __ ] up that looks horrible and I'm like but I feel so much better he's like I don't care I don't like it I don't I don't like it he gets so upset like because it looks like I've
been stabbed a bunch bunch of times with tiny needles he doesn't like it not a fan you know I get where that could be a little disconcerting yeah not quite the same but um Vance has done various forms of martial arts for years and years and years but he came home from uh jiujitsu and I was like is your face okay and he was like yeah there was like an an overeager 20-year-old who like didn't understand I think you just need to lift your mic or slouch I tried to lift it and it's
not there you go you nailed it I was really afraid I was going to break it sometimes I Don't Know My Own Strength In the kindest way I can say this knowing the setup we have and having a rough idea of your strength I don't I don't know if you have enough to break it but also I'd laugh my ass off if I if you breathed on it and it sh I would cry I would cry I understand how expensive equipment is I'd be like I'm so sorry yesterday I couldn't get the top off my water bottle and I had to ask one
of the nurses to do it and I was like Brian will you please open my water bottle and he went and like just opened it with like no effort I was like cool cool cool that's good you could have at least pretended to take a deep breath before I know and there was a patient right there and he just kind of looked at me and I was like thank you so long I'm just going to back away my goal has been achieved I'm go you're like I loosened it for you right like I did I didn't say that I did think
it but I felt like it wouldn't help me to say it out loud because they knew they knew and I knew everybody knew so you know I have to say there's something about um Gatorade bottles specifically I I don't know if it's just the type we get I think it's just normal Gatorade but godamn maybe it's that I'm only drinking Gatorade when I'm sick right and I'm always like I do not have the strength to open this bottle ever like I've like had to take a break and come back
and try again it's like I'm just sick and want some cerade and I can't open the but nothing will send you over the edge quicker than when you don't feel good and can't get the top off of your medicine or the drink that you want or whatever like that's I'm also just going to throw on top of that uh after having a kid there's nothing like worse than like being sick and you're like all right I'm trying to make this bottle I'm trying to like like there have been days
where I've been sick and like knocked over a bottle of formula and like [ __ ] y this we're like Vance will walk out of our like the office or his like our bedroom and be like I'm just going to step in for a minute it seems like you might need to go lay down I was like well I was trying to make the bottles the bottle fell over and I spilled powder formula everywhere and then I went upstairs we were out of diapers and out of wipes and so then I had to open them but then we didn't have
a new box and then I didn't have scissors for the box like and I like I'm just sick and trying my best I'm just really tired but having chronic illness that uh is also just a way of life at this point yep yeah I have thought about buying those uh jar grippers I was going to say yeah and then I think my husband said aren't those for elderly people with arthritis and I said shots fired they're also for me said they're also for 30s something's trying their best don't you like how
delicate my hands are do you want me to rip them up on a gatorade bottle seriously soft hands I'm going for a soft life over here and this Gatorade bottle is [ __ ] up my [ __ ] all right so they now get back to the hotel because Elanor is now moving in with him and out of the the janky Motel she'd been staying at when they get back she's just like go get my best friend and goes into the bedroom and is like leave me alone yeah but she's also like damn it we just made this bet and I
already need to take a shower to cool off but as she gets out of the shower she hears that TJ and Nate have shown up and they have Millie in toe but they like throw open the door to Cru suite and they're like where's our girl and he's like you where what do you mean our girl he's just crew is I wrote adorably mythed a at like watching them interact with her and's like no she she's mine but like when Eleanor hears them she's still naked from the shower and she's
like [ __ ] I need to cover up so she just like grabs the cover off the like the comforter off the bed but then she's like it wasn't tucked in on the bottom like I anticipated so I pulled with more effort and then like fell because she pulled too hard yeah a very much one of those um crew comes in helps like put her back on her feet but it's like stop flirting with the bench my two best friends the bench the bench and then Eleanor is like cover up gray sweatpants don't work on me you're being
desperate that's good but then internally Elanor is like God damn those gray sweatpants right um crew is has left to work out the next day Eleanor and Millie are enjoying their kind of like final weekend party Fourth of July part right I'm like it starts on Fourth of July that's really the the extent of it the extent of the of the Fourth of July smut yeah um but Elanor and Millie are at the pool and they are having a great time and then suddenly they look up and
they're like that's crew and he has TJ n on either side of him looks pissed and they're like dancing in the pool at the pool club and he just charges in fully clothed because he's like you are acting he's like several people have sent photos like you cannot be out here acting single and she's and she starts like are you [ __ ] shaming my bikini and like blah blah blah and he's like no and just takes her like the cheap dice wedding ring out of the pocket and he's like you need to put your [ __ ]
wedding ring back on and she's like oh he wasn't knocking my clothes okay okay my bad I got a little hot I can wear the ring um and then he ends up throwing her over his shoulder to take her back to the room because he wants to [ __ ] her but when he throws her over his shoulder people start like whistling when they see her ass so then he grabs a pillow off one of the chairs to cover her ass as they keep walking and then just like shouts and he's like hey tweedles
Tweedle de and yeah Tweedle Dum yeah well no what do they call it's not Tweedle de and Tweedle Dum that they call them they call them the tweedles but it's like something funnier in the book that is escaping me but he's like get Millie to the airport we'll see y'all later and takes her up to the room um they start having what I would call pretty aggressive sex but they're both very into it so it works um but I have some quotes for you yeah um just like we start uh where we start
bottom of the the barrel is I would have never stopped eating you out had I known you tasted this good at the from from the jump we're starting there okay um and so then Elanor is like what do I taste like you taste like [ __ ] he puts his fingers in her then puts those fingers in her mouth and says [ __ ] taste good open wide for Daddy I just wanted to watch your face as I read all these CL you um and then I was going to take a sip of something and I was like I'm going to wait actually
until you're done with no I am I'm going to I feel daring and then we got a like you're a dirty little [ __ ] aren't you you you keep being a good girl and I'll let you do a little comparison between your [ __ ] and my [ __ ] so then he finishes eating her out and then that was on the counter and then he moved over to the couch and then [ __ ] her like leaned her over the couch to [ __ ] her sure but then comes in her mouth sure so she can compare thoughtful yeah yeah for
science for science did I ever tell you about the time a guy said that to me not in that context sorry I'm so sorry not in that context man not in that context no I I had gone out with him a couple of times and he got like weirdly clingy and [ __ ] and like I was really not into it at all but he was very sweet and so I was trying not to be mean or anything and but I I went to Florida and this was when like some things had happened like big newsworthy things so I was going to
see family but then I wound up doing like some volunteer work with that kind of stuff and he texted me like a few days later and he was like I just want to understand what went wrong between us you never reached back out and I was like you you knew that I was going going to Florida you knew that like this terrible thing happened like right near where I grew up like you knew those things like why like why are you being weird about it but he went on this whole long thing about um I really really
liked you and um I I understand if you don't want to continue but can you please just tell me what I did wrong for Science and I never responded to him Hannah if we take out the first science portion why didn't you tell that man what he did wrong well I did tell him I was out of town and I likely would have maybe gone out with you again if you had asked I didn't hate spending time with you but you were really too much and then he asked more questions and I didn't respond to those
cuz they were like Point proof in that's all the science I'm going to give you no that's very fair and I'll give you that I I realized back like right before I met my husband where I was like you know these conversations are uncomfortable but dudes won't learn I was like yeah and I started sending very uncomfortable messages explaining why like I wasn't going back out and I was like I want you to know why yeah like I I don't want to be an [ __ ] who ghost you hey you sent
me three voice notes at 3:00 a.m. that didn't have any sound it was unsettling what were you doing yes well and also one of the dudes that I was like we we'd hung out we'd had a great time and at the time I was working um I was working crisis and so I wasn't working traditional hours I worked second shift but my second shift was 2:00 p.m. to 2: a.m. Monday Tuesday Wednesday right so we' hung out like I don't know the Friday before whatever and I was like yeah I had fun
um but did just want to let you know like I have work and then I have family coming to town and then I have work again so like I will not be able to like hang out again for at least two more weeks and got the text back if you don't want to hang out you can just say so Okie doie good sir absolutely not thanks for letting me know yeah I'm like you're not the catch in this situation as shitty as that sounds oh my God that sounded so prideful get I get it but I was just like yeah I'm so
grateful not to be dating anymore cuz now I'm like going through all the with that I was like oh my God o I also frequently think about like who I thought I would marry when I was like 18 yeah and being like thank God I didn't marry that person that like I was so heartbroken it didn't work out right but looking back I'm like I cannot imagine being married to someone other than my husband absolutely and not because I don't understand how marriage works right like I understand
like how to make a marriage successful like from the like you could be married to anyone when it comes to communication when it comes to coexisting and living in the same space but just like the day in and day out of sharing your life with someone I'm like it's a lot yes it's it takes a lot it really does yeah and you know me I am obsessed with my husband and love him more than anything but the man also refuses to admit when he's sick and blames everything on allergies even when it's the debt of
winter and even at that I would still marry him a thousand times over yeah I told Matthew other day that he loads the dishwasher like a sociopath and it makes me uncomfortable it it it really does drive me up a [ __ ] wall what does he do put all of the cups face up no no but he will sometimes lay things on their sides so then they have water in them but he just will just there's no Rhyme or Reason like things are not together we could fit more in like but you know what I have gratitude
that he is willing to load the dishwasher I'm a bowl on the bottom person and my husband is a bowl on top person right and at this point I think it's whoever just starts loading the dishwasher first is like the one that will follow yeah because earlier on I was so like it's the principle of the thing so I would move all of the bowls to the bottom then I was like you know what I keep moving him he keeps putting them on top I'm just accepting this is my reality now going to make my life so
much easier moving forward yeah and by so much easier I mean minimally easier because dishwashing really isn't that big of a thing it's more the serenity of it that I'm not like upset about it but no I really did have a moment where I was like just don't even load it and then I was like Hannah how amazing is it that he does the dishes like maybe calm down I remember being in high school and my dad uh told me I was loading the dishwasher wrong and I told him then he
could load it instead because I had seen him do it how did that go um I don't think my father was prepared for that answer I also told him the same thing when he told me I wasn't folding his socks properly and said well this feels like a great opportunity for you to fold your socks how you want them I'll just leave them on your bed yeah I'm sorry uh Ralph and Chris I think a lot of that [ __ ] backfired on you and you were like that was not the answer we were expecting I can't wait
for little for to grow up and start having that level of SASS and he already has that level of s I know but like verbally Oh you mean like how he's not supposed to touch the dog bowl but he put his one pinky toe on it and now whenever I see him sitting by it I'll go forward and he'll just go no no no no no and shake his head and then put his hand in that water [Laughter] ble well you're my kid no doubts yeah never had a single doubt confir that this [ __ ] is
mine that's awesome so after they have this really great sex I don't know if she ever for science gave a definitive answer on which tasted better but uh after they're both like wow that was so good and Elanor goes yeah if you're going to be out 30,000 I'll at least make it good and he's like the [ __ ] do you mean and she's like you didn't win the bet he's like what do you mean I didn't win the bet and she goes you said you'd have me screaming your name I didn't say your name
once hey and he's like oh my God I love her yes as incredible as you should uh Millie texts her and is like thanks for the four grand and she's like what are you cuz I so there's a lot that's not captured in this book just it is very witty and very sharp and very fny and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it but there's also a lot of like text exchanges and like the new groups that they've made so like crew texting the group and uh Elanor leaving the group chat so when Millie's like thanks for
the four grand Eleanor's like are you still in a group chat with my husband and she's like yeah why obviously why wouldn't we be um but then Millie's also kind of like just wanted to check in cuz like having a one night stand is different from living with a partner and coexisting with a partner that you're sleeping with day in and day out and uh just just wanted to check in on that and Eleanor is like just very much brushes it off right um and he like no I'm good and you're like
art are you good though um they flash a little bit forward crew and Eleanor are walking through the hotel and thinking about what they're going to grab for dinner and like the super fan comes up and is uh very obsessed with crew and Eleanor just like sees how kind and patient crew is with the super fan but then crew is also like has his arm around Ellie and like making sure she is okay and safe and like feeling okay but the Super Fan like yeah we were in Vegas getting
married this weekend like she's been trying to convince me forever hahaa heard you just got married too right bet your wiped in half to convince you of anything she's smoking hot like that sort of [ __ ] oh no yes but one of the things that Eleanor noted is that when the fan wants to take a photo with crew he tries to put his like arm around crew who's notably taller than him so crew just like subtly like bends his knees a little bit to sh yeah like we like oh
he's like a thoughtful yeah he can be very kind and thoughtful and so he ends up uh he takes her up onto the roof to eat dinner and he's like well cuz I know you've watched The Hangover a thousand times since you moved in with me he's like and you always talk about how'd they get the mattress on the roof so uh he takes you up to the roof which is his special spot that like we learn he's not taking TJ or Nate here like this is where he goes to kind of clear his mind
okay and they start happing um just some like good conversations we find out like kind of crew gr up in foster care football was like the really consistent thing in his life sort of energy um but then also because it's smut she like asks if she gets the tweedles and the divorce uh and then he starts finger [ __ ] her on the roof and then oh what he says I'll share them in the divorce we'll fill you up baby make you beg take you to heaven all you got to do is scream my name she's like you
[ __ ] stop this um yeah then they have more sex but she doesn't say his name good for her yeah she keeps not saying his name yeah the whole time she's a real one she's like I will earn my friends this money yes [ __ ] you well there was also a funny bet before that where uh when she was like yeah crew and I are just going to keep it platonic and uh her best friend Millie was like okay if that doesn't happen I get your uh Betsy Johnson rhinestone boots and she's like you
[ __ ] you know how hard I worked for those boots you cannot have them I like that yes you know fighting for the important things in life 1,000% I don't know where I would wear rhinestone boots um I looked up the Betsy Johnson boots of they have them in all different heights like they have like knee they have more of like a ankle an sh mhm um and I I think because well and I would say this for you as well most of our outfits are very neutral correct yeah so I do feel like considering how
much we both wear black on black we could throw a rhinestone boot on there that's true and it wouldn't feel as outrageous sure did I tell you that my optometrist looks like Dolly Parton and wears like the knee high rhinestone boots tell and has the boobs in the hair yeah she did incredible I want to be myr go see her yeah she's at the Target that's 5 minutes from here noted yes yeah I do need my eyes CH and honestly she's a really solid op like I've seen several and because I well we've had
this conversation people like to really miss diagnose my eyes and so people have been like you need bifocals you need prism you need double the prism you need PT for your eyes which I did not know was a thing yeah so I've just had every eye doctor I go to tells me something a little different the first time I went to see her i' been having difficulty with my eyes I needed my normal eye exam and I was also 38 weeks pregnant and had no business going to my eye exam your
eyes were jacked up during your whole pregnancy too um and after my eye stuff did not resolve until like fall of 2023 yeah and I'm like I have uh just had like swollen eyes for since August of 2022 I was going say cried for like 14 months like you just you just cried well and I remember the first time you came over when it was like super bad and my eyes were swollen shut yeah and I I was like no I swear I fell like don't blame B she's like I'm really okay I totally promise I was like
uh bless my husband's heart I couldn't even look at your eyes because it made me made my eyes water like I could not uh cuz that was when I was having all of like my OB appointments my husband would have to hold my hand and walk me into the appointment cuz my eyes were so swollen shut because I had spots on my corneas oh yeah I had spots on my corneas that uh never fully resolved and were uh directly over my pupil as well so it it always felt like something was
in my eye right so I could rub my eye all day and not get it out nothing was there to get out um yeah it was a a whole thing what a nightmare not would not recommend by any stretch but would recommend my knockoff doly part not P because I adore her and we may recommend rhinestone boots we may have to give it a try yeah like to be fair the Betsy Johnson ones were not like they almost seemed a little bit more like matte rhinestone if you like they didn't seem as
like like if you go in the sun everyone will be blinded right it's not a disco ball on your foot yes it's not a disco ball I thought they were a lot cuter than I anticipated to the point that I started trying to think I was like could I pull these off and I was like I could do I need to spend a hundred plus dollars on new boots right now no not boots of that caliber that won't be everyday boots right mhm I aspired to make it to that point in life where I'm a person that just like my daily
Standard shoe is a rhinest Bo oh man they're like that's just Chelsea you know her Chelsea in those rhinestone boots things to look forward to right all right so crew is uh training with Claire I don't know next day couple days later M doesn't really matter the Tweet will show up uh and ask where Elanor is and he's like oh like she's like back at the room and they're like no problem we'll show her around for the day we'll like make sure she's entertained so they
end up having quite frankly a fantastic day that seemed fun as [ __ ] I'm like I would love that day so they go and they grab Elanor they take her thrifting they play Thrift games where it's like when the timer goes off whatever your hands on you you got to wear then they start like sending crew photos of her wearing all of those clothes in the Caesar's Palace Fountain singing the Friends theme song but then security starts chasing her and like Cruz texting them and he's like if
my wife gets arrested I am holding the two of you personally responsible I will end you yes like uh they go on the ferris wheel they take her to the Hoover Dam and they're just going to all of the fun places Claire keeps getting annoyed at how distracted he is and she's like hop on the treadmill you're doing what was it it sounded horrific it was like warm up for 15 and then Sprint for 45 no and I get he's a professional athlete and we exercise in different Avenues um that sounds like a special
kind of hell to me that I would never financially is thinking about it I would never financially recover yeah well do you remember like the Presidential Fitness Test yes did you ever pass I don't remember but I do remember there's a a pod called the maintenance phase that explains how the Presidential Fitness Test came to be fascinating super interesting this might be a really silly stupid question because it's something I've absolutely never considered before this
moment does the president have to do the Presidential Fitness Test you know I don't know but he should that should be part of like I want to see Trump and Biden do some wind Sprints y'all 100% can how many how many situps can you do can you do that rope climb ooh that's what's the Rope climb part of it I think they took it out cuz a lot of kids fell well you'd have to get up to fall so that was never an issue for me yeah Le lest we forget in fifth grade I got the turnaround
award from my PE teacher because I had grown that much in fifth grade in my athletic Acumen although how he initially described he's like yeah the turnaround award you know someone that we've seen turn around a lot good to bad bad to good they they've made a turn coach called my name I was like this was bad to good right right like this is for improvement I think I've mentioned this before my elementary school PE teacher uh has now retired he retired as the PE
teacher there um he is friends with all of us on Facebook he comments on everyone's birthday on everyone's like big life event post so cute in like truly the purest way where I'm like oh like as a kid I did not realize how incredible of an educator this man was like what I do remember was like being out at PE and like the fence in the field and people from the neighborhood would like walk up to the fence and he knew every single person would go over and have big conversations but like as a
kid you just don't really compute it at that level as an adult Carlos Melvin is a National Treasure shout out to Carlos yes hope you're doing well Carlos actually I know you're doing well because we're friends on Facebook and it brings my heart Joy um Claire is annoyed because crew is distracted so she sets him up to do all these runs but then as he's running his phone times and so he goes to look at it but then he's running so fast he falls down he falls and it is not ideal but
he's hoping it is Eleanor or the tweedles and instead it's his agent being like we have an emergency call with your new team because you can't leave the city for the next 30 days but then switched to Elanor who's like man like he was responding before but he hasn't responded to like the last like text and like she's like getting a little sad yeah and so the tweedles are like okay if this place doesn't lure him out nothing will and they take her to Spearmint Rhino the strip club yes for
the wings obviously always for the wings it's for the it's for the buffet at the restaurant and then they send a photo to crew of her eating a wing that she's like you didn't tell us she could suck the meat straight from the boat a um so once again crew really wants to Jo but it's like as soon as's like okay I'm I'm almost out of this meeting they're like yeah we'd really love to like talk strategy and he's like [ __ ] okay got to stay here got to play it cool so then the tweedles have now
taken her to the neon Museum and she's like yeah I'm a little bum cuz like I wish like feel like having crew here like he'd have so much fun with us and would really love it and then she looks up and he surprised her and he's there with all of them um but what was also funny is that she had tons of mini liquor bottles like air airplane bottles he's like where did you get these and she's like made a deal with the strippers from spearmint right now and he's like what did you do for
these and she's like I told them how I make this shaving cream that will save them the razor burn since they're naked up there they really need it so they hooked me up in a weird way I want to be her and also nothing like her at the same time I feel that right I appreciate kind of her aloofness and ability to move forward and things and just like have fun on the journey adapt to any situation but in other ways I'm like are you good girl cuz it seems like that level of mess is concerning just
generally yeah yeah um okay after the neon Museum there is what I would call like the longest threesome of the book really the only threesome of the book oh uh cuz they talk about how they all had group sex on the wedding night but outside of that like there was never a flashback to the wedding night right um very much a everybody gets a whole situation at one point they're literally oh so so four some then did what did I say three threeome I was like who got left [Laughter]
out I was like they were like it was Nate Eleanor step back my bad it was a force them I wasn't mathing when I said that got I got you so everybody gets a hole got it everyone gets a hole well they also like I don't know the logistics of some of this like at one point they're like crawled the crew who's on the couch okay so then she starts they're like put your hands on Cruz's thighs mhm she starts sucking his dick then one of the other dudes comes up behind her and like lifts
her legs up I'm like like like a keg stand okay but it's dick sucking sure I personally would not Thrive at that also very early on in this book Millie makes a joke about being I'm less of a [ __ ] girl and more of a it's a hand job but I'll put my mouth on the end to make you think otherwise girl that's excellent that's really good and quite frankly I think that might be my my territory as well because the logis of a doing a keg stand blow job yeah yeah are not where I would Thrive it's not
mathing for me no yeah no and I'm like my neck hurts thinking about it I'm like how do you know I don't like it oh I don't I don't know if I don't think my body doesn't feel sustainable yeah um but it's also funny because as they're all like in the bedroom he's like I'll let you come the only thing you need to too scream my name and then she she's confident enough within herself that she's like starts masturbating she's like I'm coming either way I am the prize in this situation so you can
either join me or you can be sad but I'm going to finish right and so then all of the guys are standing there and then that's when they're like throat ass [ __ ] they each take a hole and just move on okay yeah but it's also one of those where I'm like it's like about 20 plus it's like a chapter and a half sort of sex scene where you're like okay oh we're oh that's new yep still going oky do yeah um all right after this we have crew who bribes the uh like young valet
kid he sees him drive up with a pickup and he's like can I borrow your pick up and he's like I'll pay you for it then like I know I'm not supposed to park in this lot and gre's like I really don't give a sh what lot you park in I just want to borrow your car yeah um so he takes her to a drive-in to see The Hangover Part Two a thoughtful yeah he's like figured you'd want to know what happens next but then as they're in the truck and watching the movie uh Eleanor's realizing she's like this well
at one point she's like are you taking me on a date and he's like can I not take my wife on a date hahaa and she's like [ __ ] like this is like a weird a real yeah we're feeling like a real couple and and how we're moving forward and it's just kind of thinking through that they do more sex stuff sure in the truck during the movie she doesn't want to initially not that he really coerced her but he is like there are three cars here and we parked very far in the back
so literally no one can see us right please unbutton your pants now now that that's been established disrobe yeah um after after that crew has taken the day off work and they go to the pool together but when he when they get to the pool one of the servers walks up and Elanor is like Gil great to see you and he's like who the [ __ ] is Gil his brother better be flounder like what why does she know this man and then she's like yeah crew didn't I tell you Gil's uh nephew like might get
drafted like just knows all of the details um but then crew is really starting to process through that he like doesn't like that he didn't know who Gil was and is like feeling more Territorial and pro like possessive of her um and then when they're talking about ordering food she's like oh what do you want and he's just like sitting kind of in silence processing all of she like oh do you just want me to order a few things that I know you like and he's like like a real partner
would like an actual wife yes more of that shi's like [ __ ] [ __ ] my actual wife okay um so he's sitting there having an internal crisis the tweedles end up joining them and uh I think Nate is throwing Elanor around in the pool and they're having fun and then crew is having a conversation with TJ um and saying he's like I have feelings for Elanor but like I don't want to have feelings for Elanor like this is highly inconvenient yes he's like attachments are difficult I have like a very clear
tra like just right girl wrong time sort of like yeah she she's great but like this just isn't what I want in life right um and he's like kind of like a making comments that make it seem like he's the one who's the catch and TJ's kind of like just as a friendly reminder Elanor was pulling without you like she pulls yeah like yes like you are also very attractive and he like but like El is not like she doesn't need you yes yeah she's not like super lucky to have you
bu like wa to have a friend who can keep you humble right but as they're having this conversation crew notices that like there's a dude at the pool who had been on his phone and now has it up and is like taking photos of Eleanor and so without even thinking crew just picks up the football and shouts to Nate who's in the pool with Elanor Nate go long Chucks the ball and like breaks the dude's nose his phone hits the ground but Nate and TJ automatic like no crew enough to realize
that like they just start making sure Eleanor like corralling around her kind of subtly um and then one crew goes over and there's like I'm you broke my nose I'm going to sue you and he's like if you take photos of my wife again I'll do more than break your nose and I'm I'm taking I'll just take your phone now if you're going to sue me anyways right I'll just go ahead and take this and Elanor like sees it go down but doesn't like doesn't doesn't put it together
yeah she's like feels like he was doing something bigger than accidentally hitting a dude with a football right um when they get back to the room all four of them Elanor puts her purse down and then it accidentally falls on the ground and one of her bottles of like lotion or oil breaks and so she's trying to clean it but it starts like sliding on the floor and so the tweedles are like let's play spin the bottle but let's play spin the Elanor and crew's like I don't know if we should do that
but then she like okay yeah like let's do it it'll be fun and so KW like okay me first so like he kisses her like leg whatever like ended up in front of him and then when Nate was spinning Eleanor it was like the back of her head was what Nate saw but he tried to turn her head to kiss her and Cruz like that's not the rules the back of her head was what was accessible to you so that's what you need to kiss you can't kiss her mouth that's breaking rules of the game like
obviously yeah so then uh TJ's like you know what the floor is a little like slippery let's just go to the like tries to pick her up and like yeah crew just keeps intervening until finally uh he's also like hey didn't you guys [ __ ] a rando last night like could you maybe go find that Rando or a new one well and also from like the there hadn't been protection before so I'm not going to let you potentially like threaten like right threaten my wife's Sexual Health right but then
Elanor is sitting there and she's like seems like I could remind about condoms but like doesn't really seem like condoms are the issue here like yeah so TJ Nate clearly trying to provoke him to the point of just saying what he wanted and when they leave he looks at her and he's like I just want to do to myself like I just I know we all have had our fun before but like I just wanted a night to ourselves and Elanor is like yeah honestly like they're fun but she's like they're here
for a good time not for a long time and I'm okay if like we never have a group participation again he's like oh okay so then I don't know more sex oh yeah no very possessive sex I was going to say is this a solidifying [ __ ] would you say I wouldn't say there's actually a solidifying [ __ ] in this book huh yeah actually now that I think about it uh I didn't love this scene if I'm being completely honest okay because as I said very possessive sex where he's wanting her to own that he
owns her sort of energy right so he is comes in her mouth tells her not to swallow cuz he wants to see his come in her mouth and then is like do you see who's come that is like you're my dirty [ __ ] right like that sort of energy sure um and then when she's like finally yes whatever uh then he spits in her mouth into his come and then tells her she can swallow okay no that I love that that what's your issue oh my God okay I don't think I could just hold semen in
my mouth yeah it's not for me no and that is why it is my issue cuz I'm like that's a long time to just I thought it was the spitting in her mouth that you went uh if it was just the spit I could we could be okay I think it was the spit with the [ __ ] m cuz she's been sitting there with the [ __ ] in her mouth sure sure for them him to then spit on the [ __ ] as his final claiming move sure and then he tells her she can swallow okay yeah I get it yeah I think the spit
alone not my jam but I that doesn't wouldn't make me well there's a lot of like contradictions in this book where it's like he's really possessive he's also sharing her with his friends more than once and then which is fine like I'm not saying you shouldn't have open relationship as long as everybody's cool but then he's like super possessive I think the possessive has more grown over the book okay where I think cuz like when they were on the roof um eating dinner yeah I think in that
conversation she'd been like so how long have you been like banging people with TJ and Nate and he's like long enough to be good at it it's kind like where I think that's kind of always been like Dynamic yeah like they're three very hot successful football players that like this has always been their Dynamic so I think it's uh and that is one of the things that like I didn't necessarily outline as much because it's like within some of the text messages but like at
one point uh towards maybe around this part of the book uh crew is texting with TJ and Nate and he said something about like uh get like don't like get your hands off my girl or like whatever it was and like my girl not our girl and he's like no what no I meant our girl like I so it's more of I think like a a a shift over time where crew wasn't necessarily like being honest with himself about his true feelings for her um that makes more sense so it was like as he got to know her he got
possessive yeah and started to realize it and I think there the degradation and the dirty talk I think is their their resting state I think the possession is more of what grew I got you yeah that makes sense that's a very valid point it is now July 31st okay we've spent a lot of time [ __ ] we have and hanging out yeah um they end up having a there's like freak bad weather I don't really know what the weather patterns are in Vegas I mean it's a desert so it's dry until it's not
correct yeah yeah seems a bit occasionally snow oh wow do they get snow in Vegas uhhuh on the plate H mhm um I I was thinking about this recently as we know you and I grew up in Florida Florida does not see a lot of season change nope so like there are some a few trees that might lose their leaves but there's not like a true fall of like all of the Golden Leaves um and when I moved to Dallas Texas and mind you I moved to Dallas in their record their summer of
record-breaking heat right where it was like the most consecutive days in triple digits um and so in my head I was just comparing like Florida heat to like yeah and I was kind of dating this guy at the time and I said to him that fall I was like wow the leaves change colors and like fall here and he looked at me like I was the biggest [ __ ] idiot he had met in his entire life and he's like yeah Chelsea that's what they do in the fall and I'm like I grew up in Florida
[ __ ] also I could probably still take that man he was a lot taller than me there was a reason we did not end up together our well also our very first date he's the one that on the very first day I uh looked at my friend cuz I was meeting with him at the mall he was picking me up cuz I was with a friend at the mall and he was coming down the escalator to meet us and I looked at my friend Javi and I said Javi I cannot date him his shoes are too pointy and Jai said that's not a real
reason not to go on a date with someone and he already drove here so you're going to go on this dat with him first of all I think that's perfectly valid jav's response or my concern your concern yes he look like a [ __ ] elf your concern is valid and Javi wasn't really like that minimizing or invalidating I want to give him credit there it was just like Chelsea babe go on the date right if you don't like him afterwards it's okay but you can't not go on the date because the man shoes
are pointy the the the level of douche needed for super pointy shoes would be the level of douche that's like yeah Chelsea like you know what I mean like that I have a picture of this person and I feel very confident that I'm correct oh my God I cannot wait to see what this picture looks like because I have a feeling you're wrong what yes he is a it's a whole thing we'll get there some other at some other point in time I did that was a one that I remember us
having an icebreaker segue question in one of our team meetings I think when you and I may have been on the same team and it was like what's a deal breaker that like if you showed up to the date and they were wearing it you wouldn't be able to go forward and I said actual thing that has happened in my life his shoes were too pointy but another dude in our meeting was like yeah if she were wearing a hat on our first date that probably be a deal breaker and I still
think about that cuz I have a lot of questions I mean I think mine I don't recall if I was in that meeting I might have been but mine is a fedora because it's an actual thing that happened and he was trying to cover up a bald spot that was not in his profile picture oh well and you either pull off a fedora or you don't pull off Fedora did not like you're either Jason morz or you're the rest of us a keer elf He looks like a kebler elf He was so short which is fine my
husband is not that tall like how tall is Matt he's like 59 okay yeah cuz you're like 5'4 right yeah yeah tall enough for what for your needs right it's fine but this guy was like my height which is again is fine not a problem but he was at least 30 lbs heavier than his profile picture which again is fine just be honest about your pictures like you know and then he had on a fedora and this was the date that I was on that was so bad that the waitress came by and asked me if I was okay yes I
had heard that I miss the context of yeah what he had on a fedora yeah you know a dates bad when the server yeah is trying to save you from it she's like babe do I need to call someone I can tell him you just had to go that there was an emergency what a real one I know right that is I still think about her regularly I hope she's well and has gotten good karma in return yes yeah shout out to all of the hospitality industry Personnel that are keeping a lookout yeah like keeping everyone safe
I like to think that that is the category that my husband fell into because he was in the industry for so long but then what I really think of when I think of my husband being in the service industry is that the restaurant he worked at uh wouldn't let him shift to being a bartender full-time because they were like you're just like the best with the bachelorette parties so we can't take you off the floor that sucks so bad oh cuz you make so much more money as a bartender but
you do yeah and but I also think his tips did not suck because he was that good at the bachelorette party groups yeah uh he's like yeah I remember one group came in he's like this one got a little weird go on he's like well they each had taken a photo of their Boop just like one boob not both just one Boop and then were're showing them to me and I had to guess which boob belonged to which person what and the funniest thing about all that is like I feel like there are
some servers who would make this makes me feel uncomfortable and I won't do it but you've met my husband I have yeah he's he'd be like going to be like well let's play this is a new matching game yes like I've always excelled at these right I love memory games I'm like which I would do the right one I think if I had to choose one boob to take a picture of I did have an extra mole that popped up during pregnancy on my left um and then I I had a freckle and a birth mark mhm and then another
little mole and so my actual nipple kind of looked like my boob was screaming but then the mole fell off so now now my boob looks normal again I heard it okay all right woo okay so it's a rainy day in Vegas well that was a journey and so elor's like let's have a spa day and crew is like [ __ ] yeah thinking they're going to go to the spa at the hotel that he lives in he's like and then Elanor gets on the phone and starts ordering up like Greek yogurt and berries and he's
like and I'm thinking she's getting snacks for her making a parfait yes so then she starts making all of the face masks and starts giving him a face mask and he's like a very good sport about it but he keeps trying to eat it um and then he's like I want to come to your salon opening um when we're all in California and she's like yeah and she's like absolutely and you can bring whoever you're dating and she's like it'd be a a great grab to get all the [ __ ] in the Bay Area and she's like
yeah like I whoever you're dating would probably be great clients and he's kind of like oh wasn't how I had thought of that um and then they get into a face mask food fight sure as you do y it's cute she runs into the kitchen uh for more ammo and he grabs her and she's like oh you're too fast and he's just like you're a terrible running back who runs a straight route and she goes what the hell is a running back and he's like what do you you you don't no wife of mine even if
you're a fake wife absolutely not so then he's like I need to explain football to her so he's spending like 20 minutes like he's like setting up he's like all right babe you're in line you're you're with on the defensive line right now and she's like okay so you're going to throw the ball to me and he's like oh my God no have you not been listening obviously not and she's sitting there and she's like I've been listening to my father couch coach the ners my entire life I know all of this
I'm just [ __ ] with him that's so good which he realizes after about 20 minutes um and then they are laughing and shower washed all off they have a bath maybe that would be the solidifying [ __ ] if you will um in the bath he asks what she wants to do for her last few days in Paradise she Whispers some very dirty things in his ear uh she asks what he wants and he asks her to come to field day with the Raiders and and he's like yeah it's like my last thing with the Raiders before
I'm out she's like okay yeah sure I'll show up no problem then they [ __ ] which I don't need to give you more details you understand sure I do I get it you understand the Dynamics of how that works I do she goes to the field day it's adorable there's all of these kids on the field um but then she's getting info like from one of the assistants who who' been kind of assigned to like make sure she was good where crew had 1,000% been downplaying it it's his event that like
he pushed for the Raiders to let him do it one last time before he moved um because field day was a day for all of the youth that would not necessarily be able to afford their actual like student camps and things like that so it's like very like low sces very much the population he grew up in right um and so she's realizing more and more great things about him like adorable balloon fight with all of them on like her and him and Nate and TJ on the field with all the kids and probably some other
people but yeah they're not really talked about in the book as much so they don't really matter then she's sitting uh on the bleachers and just kind of watching and a reporter comes up and it's trying to get like a quote from her and she kind of has this moment where she's like I mean I don't really want to give her a quote but like our time is almost up and I I kind of want something that like ties us together so she's like okay I'll give her a quote and she's like and then I'll
buy all of the newspapers in my area and she's like but I'll have the quote right right but then like she just kind of like starts going at one point she's like and he's everything I never wanted and the reporter's like you mean everything you always wanted right and's like yeah that's exactly what I said right like [ __ ] [ __ ] like this is a reporter please don't whoops off the record yes and so she excuses herself awkwardly to like go in search of refreshments and
stumbles upon Josh who's like hey great that I found you here um I managed to get the judge recused here are the papers you just need to sign and she's like [ __ ] so then we cut to Cruz perspective right and I'm I'm guessing he doesn't know this yet no because when we cut to Cruz perspective he is getting back to their hotel and he's like yeah she bailed at some point during field day I don't know what was up but like when he gets back to the hotel like he's shouting like you better be naked in
here sort of energy and then goes into the bedroom and it's like all of her stuff is gone and like realizing like it looks like she hasn't been here right and so then he looks over on the table and sees the divorce papers with her signature and the ring and another note written on a napkin the exact same way she did the very first time right that she left for the Symmetry you get it and he is Big bummed yeah yeah which makes sense sure right but I think also
in that way where he's like well this is what we kind of said it would be because then we moved to 2 weeks later and he is now out in California and she is obviously back in California and they haven't spoken but crew was at a press conference and the girl who's uh on the AV team trying to get him set up with his mic starts sniffing him as she's setting it up and he's like what and she's like so sorry she's like you just smell like this like shave cream that this like amazing esthetician I
knew used to make and TJ and Nate just start laughing cuz they hear it and's like yeah I kept the shave cream I thought it like wouldn't be that big of a deal really good shave cream I'm not trying to be wasteful 1,000% is it reduce reuse recycle you guys and then the girl's like yeah crazy enough that EST that esthetician is actually opening her own Salon soon you just got married right you should recommend it to your wife ouch but then also the name of the salon he's like
yeah it's called wild card which has been his nickname for her the entire book and she's like cool name right and he's just sitting there like why does the universe hate me I just need to get through this press conference we switched to Eleanor uh and she has like a similar situation where she is showing up at this bar to meet Millie there and when she walks in there's like a Niner Nation party to like watch the preseason uh game oh yeah yeah and Millie's like sorry I text you
but it seems like you didn't get my text they weren't here when I got here then this whole like every time crew shows up on the screen they're all cheering and she's like [ __ ] my life can I not can I have one day now it is September oh so like another two weeks or so and they still haven't talked crew is throwing like [ __ ] at practice and his coaches calls him over he's like hey I know you have a lot going on a lot and on your mind so I uh I called in someone to talk to that I thought might
be an inspiration and the duty calls over is Alec price who's a uh Hall of Fame QB MH and is also Samantha from Tangled in Tinsel I.E Eleanor's sisters one of her boyfriends oh okay okay um it's all connected yes okay but also in that way where like when they start talking uh what is Alec just like from the jump and he's like we can talk about football or we can talk about women what you want to talk about and Cruz like well I can only really talk about one right now so then
Alex like all right well if it's football just do what you already know how to do that's what got you here like believe in your abilities back to the basics and then crew's like so how is she and Al goes hold please takes out his phone makes a call puts it on speaker phone and crew's like what the [ __ ] is he doing and then when the the dude answers it's the other boy sister's boyfriend and he's like did he cave already yep didn't even have to get the inspirational [ __ ] and like you hear a
shout it's like you owe me $300 then the other guy like gave it to your mom last night it's the energy in the backgound I love that that's awesome um but then in their conversation crew is like listen she left like she's a catch she didn't want me I'm respecting that and like who am I to challenge that and Alec is like you're the dude who [ __ ] wants to be with her so if you want to be with her let her [ __ ] know right and so crew like words right well then crew's like fine if she wants me
she can come get me I'll put two like I'll put tickets under her name for the season opener like that is my offer in my Olive Branch so we are now at Eleanor's Salon launch party where she is uh not thriving and Millie and Samantha like pull her in the back and then Samantha's like listen I was going to wait until tonight because I I wanted to check and and see how you were doing cuz if you're doing well I wasn't going to bring it up at all but since you clearly still seem
to be struggling crew did leave tickets for you for the season opener and elor's like okay when is it Samantha's like well it started an hour ago I'd I'd kind of been waiting and El was like for as much as I love my sister in this moment this was not her best kill her yes so Millie and Eleanor ditch the salon launch party to go to the football game but then when they get to their seats they're realizing they're like [ __ ] crew is probably not going to look over here to to just be reminded of
the fact that she ghosted him and wasn't in the seats so they all start trying to like shout his name and then they get other people in their area to start shouting his name which is not loud enough because they're in a [ __ ] football stadium so Elanor is like well guess the only thing to do is to jump the rail oh no and get on the field I was like she's going to flash her tits no okay we're getting on the field got it have worked slightly better because she's on the field and she
starts to see security coming for so she's like hauling at she's like running faster than I've ever run in my entire life out of the corner of her eye she sees like Nate block a security guard for her so she can keep running down the field and then finally screams his name and it's like CW right as she tackles him and right as she thinks she's about to have this sweet moment two guards come and her away and then they're confused when crew like get your hands [ __ ] off of her like okay sorry bro
and then after this the sweet moment everyone's cheering everyone's very happy realizing what happened Security's like she's not going to real jail but we are going to take her to we have to detain her Arena jail Arena jail you can pick her up after the game that is where she will be but then like as the security guard is walking her out he looks at her and he's like may as well wave to the camera is all that cheering is for you right now and then the EP log they go back to
Vegas and get married at the White Chapel but with like a hundred friends that time cute but then they promised her parents that they would have a real wedding that's really fun that's like low angst fun yeah I'm like the biggest issue is that they just like never communicated actual feelings right but outside of that it like truly and quite frankly I've been sitting here this whole review I don't think I the wit and humor of the book Justice like it is really funny
um thoroughly enjoyed okay so what's our ratings I was like we could do dice or we could do Stanley tuis we started with Stanley you know I had a the funny thing is I had actually been thinking like wedding dice rings as well not well a wedding ring that is a dice ring but no I like Stanley tuis yeah um I'm going to go out to 20 Stanley tuis because he deserves 20 he does he Stanley he deserves everything I'm going to go 17 or 18 Stanley tuis damn dude okay yeah okay I'm that feels like a high
rating for us but no it's a very fun read okay well I'm gonna add it to my list now absolutely honestly the the all three of the books if they're still in a series together or if they're separate would would still recommend all three thoroughly enjoyed Tangled in Tinsel which has objectively the least amount of plot of the three because the whole premise is that Samantha is a designer and they all got snowed in got it and then they all [ __ ] and they all realize
they want to keep [ __ ] and then they end up in a relationship and then this one and then the final one they all uh are in Hawaii on vacation together right but like yeah very low angst across the board in a very nice way that's cozy like it's a nice cozy easy read there is a lot more boning than I probably sure like there's a decent amount of smut so while it's very funny there's also if you're looking for like a lotze low inks yes would recommend this one for sure awesome I love that yes well
awesome I was like what am I saying I don't know I started sentence and then I didn't have an ending for it so happens to the best of us all right we're going to go like 17 Stanley tuis yeah out of 20 yeah 17 out of out of 20 Stanley tuchis let us know how many tuis you would rate this like comment subscribe yes um on all of the platforms we we got them all anywhere you want to stream do we have Tik Tok back I don't think we have Tik Tok back I think we got banned
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