well hello All You Beautiful [Music] People you know what time it is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and everyone in between gather around get you something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on cuz it's time for smut Club here's your hosts Chelsea and [Applause] [Music] Hannah Hello everybody and welcome to Smart club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and welcome to the show where we uh two two therapists we're both licensed lpcs um who enjoy reading trashy romance
novels and day drinking and combining all of those things yeah and therapizing characters that will never know they were being therapized nor they be they should be though a lot of them need it medication probably not all the time but every now and then I have read a book where I haven't finished it cuz I've been like go to [ __ ] therapy and I will close the book and I started a book okay I made it halfway through the prologue oh oh the prologue and I was like I am not in a place to read this
because like it it we were warned like in the the thing this girl had a lot of mental health stuff going on and it was part of her journey she was very clearly manic like on the streets of New Orleans and like her best friend is this guy trying to like get her away from everybody and like trying and she's like she was deeply unwell and I was like I am not in a place to read this I was like I'm it's like a um a retelling of the fan of the of the Opera I think okay
and I was like this is going to be super cool like it's going to be a super cool book and then I was like no well there was a book that I started and the uh body dysmorphia happening in the book and her relationship with food and her like disordered eating it was like triggering yeah where I was like I and and I don't use the word triggering lightly where I was like oh like this is bringing up like my own [ __ ] with my body in a way like this is not fun I'm not in a place no yeah I'm
not in a place cuz I was just so I was like somebody get this girl some lithium like I was so worried about her I was like she's getting she's hurt like she's getting really hurt I can't read this I was like go I got an email from a former client that was like one of my favorite clients and he was like Hey I want to let you know like I've been on lithium for the last year I was like crying reading it was like one of those I'm like oh my God like yeah one of those
clients that like you desperately knew might need medication not might you desperately knew needed medication um but had had such negative experiences and was so averse it was like you could maybe get like one sentence in about meds every sh it yeah every four sessions and that was like dipping the toe in the water yeah oh my gosh just I love those emails and like when clients are like just want you to know I'm doing really good I'm okay yes I'm like oh yeah in case you're ever wondering your
therapist does wonder how you're doing afterwards we do think about you guys we do think about you yeah you might never hear from us again you might see us across the grocery store and not really make eye contact and move forward but we do think about you we do care yeah we really do okay but unrelated to any of that I'm I didn't even tell Hannah what book I was outlining until she got to my house to review today yep um so today we are reviewing unhinged by Vera Valentine an erotic door
romance says it right on the front cover but see okay what no I just have so many questions about it well let you know ask cuz like I feel like I've seen this on on Tik Tok M but I haven't retained any of it so I'm like are we falling in love with the door the door is erotic is it that like something behind the door is erotic are we doing something with the door that's erotic with a partner I don't know what that would be okay do you remember what when you you grew up in
Florida when did you leave Florida uh 2004 okay so you had FCAT standardized testing 100% And the writing prompt that they would always give at least in the State of Florida about the unmarked door y that was always locked and one time it's unlocked and you open it and you have to write the story of what's behind that door yeah I imagine that was the problem I'm totally kidding no whenever I think about that I think about Alias it always comes back to Alias when they're like oh well we
gave all these kids a standardized test to see like who would be a good like spy I always wondered why did they ask that question like why what was the purpose of it I don't understand I don't know I love Alias so much but upon rewatch it is deeply flawed in so many ways it doesn't hold up it doesn't well God love Jennifer Garner but like gosh well and Vance has never watched it really and so I tried to like here's the thing it doesn't hold like it doesn't translate and it's like
dated enough in a way that like we started it and he's like yeah I guess the show is fine and I like you don't understand the magic behind it but I'm watching it and I'm like I don't really either but I feel the Magic in my soul cuz I've been watching it for so long oh God and Jennifer Gardner's a babe uh 100% every time yeah yeah no matter what wig she's wearing and for that one you know the one the wig budget for that show is extensive okay so to get into answering
some of your questions yes um the door is sensient okay so we open this is from the doors perspective the whole book is from the doors perspective yeah okay all right I'm here we uh in the the door is in love with his tenant Tanya okay um um he she treats him with far more care than the previous frat Bros who lived there and we like slam him all the time and um direct quote he loves the care she takes sliding her key into his lock this is on the first page the grin you have oh my God okay
well so the funny thing is I have actually not seen the Tik toks about this book A friend of mine uh goes oh my God you've heard about the door book right I was like the [ __ ] are you talking about and so she sent it to me and so I sent her a a photo when I had just first opened it on my Kindle and I was like starting now let's see how it goes and then on the very first page I sent her another photo and was like this escalated so quickly right um yeah cuz it's like very sensual talk
about like feeling her like pressed against him when she's looking through his peephole heyo yeah yeah and like he said one time she pressed against him and he got so excited he flipped his dead bolt FL his uh-huh okay uh-huh everything's fine I'm just going to have more wine we are back on that that Bowa box [ __ ] we are and while we are not sponsored by bod box it'd be a lot cooler if we were especially for books of this capacity yeah and you know I almost feel that I
should apologize because I used the word unhinged in the last review that I did and I I I think I used it wrong I I think I used it wrong you did yeah and and you'll okay so the door is also aware of uh that the property manager the landlord the super his name is Randall Randall is real creepy and right before Tanya moved in uh the door saw Randall like drag a woman like into the woods like behind the apart and like came back like alone so he's like he seems like
Bad News Bears and Randall has also definitely taken an interest in Tanya and is like very quick to knock on her door and make sure everything is okay and like door is like I'm between Randall and Tanya the door loves how much he protects her and like he'll like talk about like When someone knocks on him and how he like holds strong in his frame to not give in he really takes his job seriously okay so the police show up um because this other woman is missing now and are
asking Tanya if she knows anything or if she's seen anything um and the door is putting together he's like oh like she's dead and the police are coming up and questioning he's like this is just like those shows Tanya watches like those crime shows I he's like okay so Randall is a bad dude like that is like yeah can confirm yes the we in danger does not have a college education or any formal education if you will but he's watched enough Law and Order SVU to put the pieces together
um but like to the point that like after the police stopped by to ask Tanya questions like Randall stops by and he like hey honey like uh I heard like the police were stopping like did you talk to them like it's like trying to get details and Tanya uh like cracks the door open and the door's like proud of her cuz he's like yeah like she realizes it like she's not like making your vulnerable yeah like it's just like a little inch that we can see through and
like she's like oh yeah I did I told him like I didn't know anything and he's like okay like let me honey let me know if you need anything I'm like yeah anytime you're property manager that you don't know is like calling you honey feels yeah not great I mean I do so for me this is something that I've noticed recently about myself I say like hun and babe and that kind of stuff all the time to people that like co-workers or whatever it hits different I think
coming from me than it would coming from a male property manager I mean I also think I hope but like to the point you were making you have an established relationship with these people that's a good point yep yep um I think someone that like at at most they gave you a tour of the apartment and and fixed the broken oven like yeah well well I mean I did it when I waited tables and didn't really know people or when I tended bar but that again feels different but you being
a cute girl in the South working for tips thank you so much yes that's but I think that's a dumble standard I can appreciate you're like look it we will just own it is a double standard we will not pretend otherwise yeah Fair all right so after the police leave um the door's just resting I don't know it's the middle of the night who who [ __ ] knows Tanya has gone to bed um and a man walks up wearing like robes who looks very out of place it's Zeus it's Zeus has Chelsea
what okay so it's Zeus Zeus is here why why you calling me out my name talking about the book Hannah it's Zeus I'm okay so Zeus shows up and is like hey I'm your [Laughter] dad door I'm your father what he's like listen you're made of solid oak from my Sacred Garden uh the exact quote that I have down is a lot of things happened in that Grove and there was this perfectly positioned knot hole on this really sexy tree and the Mead was flowing freely you get the point it's literally the quote
from the book um you know that's probably the most like um Canon thing that they could have put in this book is that Zeus was like listen [ __ ] happened I [ __ ] a tree I [ __ ] a tree and now you're half dryed like yeah so you're welcome but and yeah I am a little sorry that you're a door uh so to make it up to you your lady love can set you free and he's like if she [ __ ] you in door form she can free you from door form so straight up when we started this I was
like is this a beauty in the Beast thing where like if she falls in love with him he becomes a real boy like is that what's going to happen and I'm I am I wouldn't call unhinged Beauty in the peace relling what if that's the standard we're going off Pinocchio is probably more accurate cuz Pinocchio is made of wood but like we're going to become a real boy I guess that was like what I was wondering she's just going to live in this apartment with this door who secretly is lusting after her and
she's just going to hump it from time to time like is that how we're going to live our lives no judgment but like some judgment but a little judgment no judgment All God's Children but also some judgment just a little bit though it's like um all of like the stills of um Dorothy on Golden Girls where people like who am I to judge also me yes yes and let's here's the thing of all of The Golden Girls and we know I'm a golden girls girl girl yep uh if my Golden Girls tattoo didn't give it away
uh I I think I always like wanted to be Sophia me too I'm not well I think you are Sophia h who do you think you are I don't know I've always wanted to be Sophia but I've always wondered if maybe I'm a little bit more Dorothy or occasionally occasionally blanch you know Hannah most of your relationships have been very long-term relationships true I don't think you're [ __ ] enough to be blanch and that's not [ __ ] shaming anyone who does identify with as guess
when I was my very active ho phase I felt more of a blanch yeah that isir we can evolve we can evolve but I'm going to hold on to the fact that you think I'm Sophia I like that I mean you're you're tiny I am tiny like you're tiny s tiny I don't you I've never seen you with a wicker purse but like would not put it past you to have a wicker basket on a bike that you put your dog in I would do that yeah yeah which I don't I don't necessarily feel like that's a Sophia thing I think I'm
just really processing that you really are yeah um yeah and you have far too much common sense to be Rose I do yeah so I'm like if you're if you're Dorothy or Sophia yeah I think you're Sophia thank you yeah so are you Dorothy is that where you're going yeah see well that's the thing I never I always thought like she was like the tall unattractive op I mean that's I'm really projecting my own first of all be was lovely she really was lovely she was lovely but I think the jokes about like
she was tall and fassy could never get a date maybe I was like oh is that the part I identifi with she said oh no it's me and now I'm like oh I am be Arthur but for different reason yes yes yes and so I think that's why like it took me a while to embrace that that was my golden girl yeah um because the things that I latched on to about her were like the shitty jokes they would make deprecating things yeah instead of like all of like the really smart hilarious things that
she saidh because she was sassy hash Justice forb yeah yeah although apparently she actually like didn't get along with the rest of the cast which is like why she got married in the final and they moved her off and that's why she wasn't on the Golden Palace when they tried to do the spinoff I didn't know that it wasn't a successful that's really sad yeah I hope it's not fully true but it might be anyway I'm going to choose to ignore that right yeah we'll just ignore that
yeah um but yeah so she has to [ __ ] him Endor form for him to turn into a real boy and by a real boy I mean a real man there's no pedophilia in this book thank you I just needed to be abundantly clear of all of the places this book goes okay all right yeah um so the is it weird that I feel oddly better that like where the premise of this is not that all doors are sensient it's just this one well and at one point he like is explaining something she like oh my God
does my bedroom door watch me masturbate too sort of energy he's like no I'm solid oak that's press board because that's the difference you get it yeah the quality of the wood he's solid oak from the Sacred Garden that Zeus [ __ ] um so now we have a a goal yes we have a goal we have a mission and uh the door is able to like infiltrate her dream and like come to her in her dream she's having a nightmare she's like naked in front of the class everyone's laughing sort of energy and he like
takes off his shirt to put it on her um and introduces himself and is very proud of being her door like he's like I've been her protector I've been her guardian and like her keeper and so she's like who are you he's like I am your door and I love you just imagine having a dream where you are having a nightmare that you were naked in front of your class and a super hot guy shows up sure gives you a shirt and when he introduces himself he says I am your front door and
I love you whatever I ate before going to bed I would never eat again she literally says that she's like oh my God I can't eat those popsicles before bed anymore like literally I'd be like okay so pepperoni for before bed is not for me like that would be it I'd be like no can't do that got to lay off the dely meat before I told you about my banana nightmares right like that's a banana nightmare yes that is a banana Nightmare and you're like well I guess I don't eat
bananas before bed anymore like is what this girl is thinking and so the door tells her in the dream like that she's in danger and that he needs a favor and she like starts flirting with him cuz he's super hot and Dre yeah and so when he's like I need a favor and she's like what you need me to oil your hinges and he like blushes a that's cute right I'm like I didn't expect to find the door as endearing as I did and I honestly felt very conflicted as I read this book cuz
I'm really rooting for him well I love that that means that Vera did a good job she really I think going in and just hearing that like the premise of this book right we have read and reviewed far more outlandish [ __ ] far more dare I say unhinged [ __ ] yeah than unhinged Fair yes Fair um okay so he uh he blushes when she offers to oils hinges and then he says like that they must be together uh for him to be able to change forms and protect her he's like yeah like you
are with your vibrating blue stick cuz he doesn't know what a vibrator is sure he just knows he doesn't have any context exactly and that's when she asks them if all doors are voyers right and that's when he gets deeply offended and he says how dare you madam um I'm not press board I'm your protector who loves you I see it on your face you don't want to find it endearing but you do I don't you want to be Anno I hate it I know I know okay all right no what were you going to say do
you have more questions no I was thinking that Matt and I were out to get something to eat and we're standing in line and we're like looking at the menu on the wall or whatever and out of nowhere so the night before we had tried something it didn't work it's fine whatever we did something else out of nowhere 24 hours later while we're in a public space he goes oh my God babe we need to use a pillow next time like he turns from the menu and looks at me and goes babe we need to use a pillow next
time and I wanted so much to be angry about it but it was so cute that I was like okay sweetie and that's how I feel right now like I want so much to be mad and hate it but I don't did you use a pillow next time yeah was it better yeah I'm glad thank you way to problem solve Matt just I'm trying to decide what kind of burrito I want and babe we need ill next time oh in the restaurant was full I was [Music] like Matt did not give a [ __ ] that that rest a single one he was like I've
solved the problem I've been thinking about this for 24 hours and I finally got it incredible um okay so back back in he tells her once again that she's in danger right um and that Randall broke into her place and had like stolen a pair of underwear a yeah um but that he can't protect her in door form right I mean any more than any other door yes not a crossboard one but an oak one solid yeah solid o no one's breaking through that front door right but if they have a key it's a separate issue
right so then like she's like becoming open to the idea and it's kind of like okay like what do you need me to do and then he can tell she's waking up and then he like hears her gasp from the other room as like the dream connection is severed M um so the next day she goes out to the store for whatever and uh Randall sneaks in and uses his master key and uh has a pill bottle with him and opens her orange juice and like dumps a bunch of pills in her orange juice but the door is back and like he
is a door and so he cannot say like he can't do anything he's just like watching this happen right uh Tanya gets home and has been thinking about her dream and is like you know it's crazy but why not go for it she gets some disinfectant make sure the knob is clean she puts a condom over it to to keep her I don't know what diseases you think the the door has for for easier clean up after yeah probably she she gets some lube she brings the ottoman over from the living
room so has something to prop herself up on okay yeah and then she [ __ ] the knob and has a great orgasm your fa what what he's very excited about this I'm sure did he flip his dead bull he did not flip his dead bull can't why does I don't know but it does make you giggle every time but I'm just thinking like that's so much preparation that's a lot of intention yeah yeah she didn't [ __ ] him by accident which I guess is better than not well and I'll also I one of the
things that I appreciate is she goes since you visited me in my nightmare and asked for this I'm going to take that as consent like and like says that like you needed a favor and you said this is what you needed so I'm I'm like I love that she was concerned about her door yeah yeah what are your thoughts oh well currently I'm thinking about a documentary I watched where this woman was in love with the Berlin wall that sounds fascinating yeah did she try and [ __ ] it um I don't know and
what part of it would you choose to [ __ ] I don't know but like she was in love with the Berlin wall and eventually like I think she got a portion of it because you know the Wall came down so I if I'm remembering right and it's been years it's been years but like she had so she was in love with it when it was still erect that pun was not intended but it was a great one um she was just in love with the wall and then she I think she got a portion of it and like brought it home it was like or
something yeah but there was no discussion of how she engaged with it sexually just that she did so well this one we very clearly know how she's engaging with it sexually it's a lot of she of detail and she had her vibrator in that mix as well oh yeah so she had a great orgasm and then like leaves the room and is like laughing to herself about how ridiculous it was but then the door is like why is she laughing does she think this is a joke like that was that was the best
moment of my life sort of energy from the door but then the door's like what happens now and then he starts to feel himself turn into to human form and to answer your question there is no door now she just doesn't have a front door M thank you yes does he have a name other than we will get there and like yeah very quick very valid question this whole time he has not had a name okay um what door like what would it well that's what I was like is she moaning out door as
she comes because okay all right right um I think she just like screamed I don't sure yeah I don't I don't think she really moaned a specific name in that moment well I mean now that he's a human person like right well so she gets she comes she orgasmed on the door uh and then went to shower and then when she comes out of the shower wrapped in her towel there's this like naked man standing there who's very attractive and she's like what the [ __ ] are you doing
get out and he's like I'm your door it's [Laughter] me like I feel like she accepts it very quickly yeah more quickly than I would probably be able to um and I just really thought that was so she's like who the [ __ ] are you he's like duh obviously I'm your door I'm your door like did you miss everything I was telling you I'm trying to communicate and she's like this is wild I'm going to make myself a mimosa so she goes to like start getting supplies but he's also not used to his body so she
goes to take a sip of the orange juice and he just like knocks it out of her hand it's like [ __ ] slaps the orange juice and she oh right cuz she can't have the orange juice but she doesn't know that so she's like the [ __ ] man like who who are you what is it I [ __ ] my door and now I can't have orange juice and he's like no my electricity bill is going to be through the [ __ ] roof because I don't have a door you're letting all the air out why couldn't you have done this in early
spring why did you wait so long to make yourself known do you not know about warming oh my God okay so he [ __ ] slaps the orange juice out of her hand and then they like leave it everywhere because it's evidence they're like we need to call the police but they're like well before we can call the police you probably need a new front door cuz that's going to be hard to explain right and then they realize that uh he goes we we found that the app you can use to order food can also be linked
to the hardware store so they just like Uber Eats thems an a door a door from Home Depot resourceful yeah so while they're waiting for the door to be delivered they get a text that it's going to be an hour delay they sit down to watch a movie and as they're cuddled up that's when uh she asks if he has a name and then he remembers that uh there was a celebrity she was talking to a friend about Idris Elba and so he uh he decides on dris instead of Idris so his his name is dris
because she knows he finds Idris Elba attractive rightly so the man ain't no slouch he can do no wrong but also that's a bold move like what a name to live up to is part of the issue you know touche yeah it's like naming your kid after a major celebrity and then being like oh whoops like like or or like a a saint or somebody from the Bible that's like a big deal and like well he didn't turn out but you know he didn't turn out I know we named him after one of the
Minor Prophets from the Old Testament but this has not panned out how we hoped he didn't quite live up to his namesake although In fairness I am named after one of the mothers of one of those prophets I don't know that I've lived up but that's okay in a different way I was just thinking about you know what you couldn't even get it no because I don't know if I've lived up to it and I was thinking about how most people in the Bible are Jews and your nose is really je so like I don't know if I
lived up to it my first thought was I mean your your nose has because I have a slightly hebraic nose that's what we're going with oh my God [Music] and then I was like oh my God Chelsea don't say that but then I did CU I've had enough wine that I am because I love you and know it's a safe space it is a safe space that was awesome that you would think it was hilarious and not offensive that was awesome oh my God okay Les we forget when your husband told a coworker that he started dating
you Hannah but isn't she Jewish Jewish why would you think that my friend uh you have a great nose thank you it has personality it does it has a great personality thank you yes it has the correct personality for your face well like that was such a weird sentence but no like when I look at you I'm like your nose fits your face so like yeah like I've never looked at your face and like it should have a different nose and I have thought that about some people where you're like huh and then
normally you find out like those people got a botch nose job so that's why because you're like oh they should have the nose their face came with they should have their factory default nose factory default go back to is there a reset button just get the OG nose back okay so the door uh the new door not dris the door right uh the new door gets delivered while Tanya has fallen asleep on dris and so he gets up off the couch and like installs it for her to make sure that
she's safe uh and like the Randall the property manager texts her and like hey honey heard you got a large package delivered need any help I'm great at moving large packages like winky face like that level of like ew not subtle sexual harassment by any stretch like I'm like bro you know she takes a screenshot in that text is evidence like that's not going to go well for you that's major ick yes um but also funny because as dris is installing the new door he's like I chose one that
had uh like a longer handle and intentionally like steered her away from the ones that had similar shapes to my natural knob cuz he was jealous my natural knob his natural knob okay uh yep his natural knob also dris tells Tanya that like the property men when she gets the text he's like oh yeah just let you know like if he hears your TV on he'll watch you through your window and she's like the [ __ ] and he's like I've been your door couldn't really say anything right but you might want to
know now yeah yeah yeah yeah Tanya and dris end up going to the store because he has no clothes she gave him a pair of like her ex's sweatpants is the the energy so she takes them to the store he's so hot women are crashing their carts watching him walk through the store do you remember that photo of Idris Elba in the slacks it went around the internet yes for a minute and finally he responded and he was like you guys that is literally the the wire from my mic everybody
calmed down I remember the photo I don't think I ever saw his response yes incredible like please stop it's the wire from my mic thank you for giving me that much credit it's the wire from my mic yeah he had like taken his mic off and like tucked it and so it like went down and looked that's what he said anyway was he being truthful or was he just sick of being sexually harassed who can say listen probably both probably both you did what you needed to do Idris so
dris in the book uh he like goes to kiss Tanya in the store and he's like oh my gosh like I don't know like she like she kissed me as a door but like she didn't consent to this so he like starts to be like oh my gosh I like shouldn't have kissed her and then uh much like your husband in a public setting T just goes your knob was buried in my [ __ ] hours ago like I think it's okay for you to kiss and then like a woman like crashes the card and she's like that's what you
get for being nosy Stop East dropping I'm like I don't know if it's really East dropping if you shout it in a store yeah if you're saying it loudly in a public setting I don't think you can get annoyed with people for being nosy but maybe that's just me um they get back to her place oh i' so yeah the property manager tried to steal underwear twice okay the first time he was actually successful the second time oh it was when he went into drug the orange juice he went to steal another
pair of underwear but then it fell out of his pocket so when Tanya got home she was like oh that's weird yeah yeah um and for some reason that comes up now in conversation but then Tanya's like you know I always thought there was like every now and then i' I'd smell this like lingering smoke smell in my room but just thought like it was the ventilation or something so dris is like let me get the cleaning supplies let me clean your headboard let me clean like your your bedroom like get
rid of the smell for you um which she's all about so she starts giving him a hand job he there's a praise Kink he's very that they're very into she's the one praising him for being a good door she's like you're such a good door you protected me so well yeah he's very into the praise did she wait until after he was done cleaning to do the handy or what like while he was cleaning and then just kind of like distracted him and stopped him from the rest of the cleaning by sure giving him a hand job
well she timed that poorly I'm like let him finish right literally I'm like the man is doing house work let him be let him finish and then let him finish correct you get it but not at the same time yeah I'd like to make sure those counters are clean you know we don't want to miss a spot there is uh some cuddling and some pillow talk and then the property manager starts like banging on the door and T just goes to open it and answer it as like dris is kind of like
hey wait like maybe this isn't like the best idea the property manager is like clearly under the use of some substances um and is accusing her of calling the police because they have are now like at his place and like investigating and he's blaming her and he pulls a gun oh uh and a scuffle ensues Tanya like dris like goes for the dude uh Tanya breaks a vase over his head but it doesn't like knock him out and then the gun goes off and he shot dris and dris feels himself like
stiffening back up and like turning back into a door and then he just falls on Randall and as a door as and like loses Consciousness yeah oh um months later yeah months later dris is starting to come too uh as he's like feeling Tanya like put a condom over his knob again uh and he's like oh this feels good and he starts to shift back into being a human and then like immediately asks if like he did a good job protecting her like I'm like oh wow like you have you've been down for months well he
wouldn't know that necessarily yeah well and so we find out he's been in evidence this whole time uh but Tanya was real upset about how all of this played down and then Hera came to visit her and Hara uh was I I guess trying to make up for Zeus's shittiness and give them a chance and so uh tells T Hara tells Tanya that dris can remain human moving forward um but he will change back to a door at the full moon and uh so she'll need to [ __ ] him in door form like on the full moon each
year or each month to get him to keep him in his human form um but it took Tanya so long because he had been in evidence and so she was like trying to figure out how to get her back um she fixed the bullet holes with some wood putty I just really wanted to see your face when I said that just a long slow blink and a Grimace is what we got there mhm um and then like oh then Zeus had showed up the day before and dropped off uh like an ID that had like dr's name on it and like a
Greek birth certificate so he's now he's legal yeah he's legal and now they can be together the end that's the whole book what happened to Randall oh he didn't die when homeboy fell in him so I think he's in jail I don't know they caught him that's the point okay all right do the specifics of what happened to to Randall matter she's going to live happily ever after with her door as an avid listener of True Crime and Watcher of Law and Order yes it matters it matters oh my God have you
watched resident alien did he die I think we thought he died and then he didn't die but he was injured I don't know I started resident alien because I love Alan tck same um but I feel like I was distracted I think I only made it through the pilot do I need to go back um I have enjoyed it I just finished the first season okay but the reason I thought of it is because he like learns how to speak by watching Law and Order and so he just randomly throughout the
first season will go Kung Kong like just out of nowhere it's so good it's so good yeah I I I just love Allan to so literally what did I to say I was like the man can do no wrong in my my book yeah I've adored him since he was Steve the pirate yes um on a dollhous when he was the villain and he was so dark and he was so good he was so good on that oh Firefly yes oh my go just and he does so many Disney voices yes like cartoons and characters that yeah and Nathan fillian shows up in
Resident alien as well oh that's fun as a voiceover it's very funny actually yeah I always liked the Firefly references um on Castle back in the day yeah like a space cowboy for Halloween what what's that yeah yeah um okay is our rating skill knobs yeah I was going to say doors solid oak doors or uh door knobs rounded ones for obvious reasons so literally I've been thinking about like what's the shape of this knob because your door does not have a [ __ ] knob yeah but mine isn't cient so it's
fine right never tried to [ __ ] mine Hannah it's a non-issue I wouldn't [ __ ] my door knob oh my gosh is that everyone's takeaway they're just going to like get home and look at their door knob and be like could I [ __ ] that would I [ __ ] that is that the shape I was just thinking like that's not a shape that is [ __ ] well and I think that's like what he tried to steer her to for her replacement door was a less [ __ ] door fck door knob well and then like do you
have you ever seen the crystal door knobs yes yeah they were all over my great-grandmother's house they're beautiful they're gorgeous I thought of those as well like I was like is it like a beautiful vintage antique crystal door knob yes which notably there are a lot of sex toys that look similar to like vintage correct doorknobs yeah yeah so that was kind of where my head had landed was like was like a crystal door knob yeah was I was like it's not just like a standard lock that you can get at
any yeah Home Depot this might be ruining parts of my childhood continue I'm sorry are you now thinking of [ __ ] different parts of your grandmother's home well I'm thinking of other people [ __ ] different parts of my grandmother's home why we don't own it anymore I don't know who's in there no I not why are those the people you're thinking of why are you thinking of other people why are you thinking of story that was this old story I got to say I read this book and no part of me
was like I should have imagine people [ __ ] different types of locks outside of this book think that I should think of it I didn't look at my husband and go you spend a lot of time with your grandparents as a kid what kind of doorknobs did they have I didn't Wonder no part of me had any questions about it this episode is unhinged okay door knobs of doorknobs in the shape of your choosing let's say yeah listen doorknobs period no comma if if you want to Envision a
[ __ ] doorknob that is your choice do not bring bring me into that we are going with doorknobs full stop yep how many doorknobs um 30 okay I don't know just the number felt right in my heart okay out of 30 door knobs uhhuh 14 okay 12 to 14 doorknobs okay feels like quite frankly for how this book had initially been described and I know I said it earlier it was a far like cuter more endearing read than I anticipated at any point there's more plot than I thought
there would be yes there's a lot of like sensual I love feeling her around my Keyhole sort of energy but like sure yeah it's an erotic door Romance duh what do you expect not that I've read others I just assume I was like what did you expect not this much plot yeah it was like same it was and I honestly found him very endearing he like truly loved her and wanted to protect her in a way that like and he he wasn't ashamed of being her door it sounded like he was
proud of it because he was like between her and the world yeah he's like I'm her protector and he's like I'm your door and I'm your protector and I love you and I'm like I really I don't know what I thought when I heard a woman was going to fall in love with her front door but like I guess I thought that the door wouldn't love her back like not that he would unrequited love with your front door well right when someone's like oh did you read the book about the woman
who fell in love with her front door and like you don't know that door is sensient and has been communicating with her and turn like you know like that is a different experience you heard about the book about the werewolf shifter Who falls in love with a potato shifter can't say that I have potato shifter I didn't know that was a choice I saw it on Tik Tok potato shifter I've never heard of a vegetable shifter before either and you know I'm a [ __ ] for potatoes I know you
are but the PO potato does love the wolf back according to the Tik Tok does he suck it as a potato I don't think is it twice baked I think that somebody does eat it I don't remember I saw it on a Tik Tok yeah they ate it that's the point of a smut book I'm going have to find it 12 to 14 12 to 12 12 door knobs yeah 12 door knobs feels right it I went in with quite literally the lowest of expectations yeah and was very pleasantly surprised by like what an endearing read it was it's also like
less than 100 pages right like it is a very quick well and I'm thinking too if it was like fleshed out a little bit more I could see it being like getting better but honestly here's the thing I don't know if it needs to be flushed out more fair like as I read through it I was like I feel like this is what it needed to be like we didn't over complicate it we didn't ask too many questions we met expectations dare I say we exceeded them because my expectations were so low so
thanks ver Valentine that was a far more enjoyable Journey yeah than I expected um let us know how many knobs you would rate this if uh you would choose a different not a different knob shape we said choose your own knob shape I'm not choosing a knob shap your own adventure with your knob shape yeah choose a knob shape tell us how many knobs you'd give the book we don't need to know about your knob shape that is between you and the Lord knob Goblin I'm so [Music]
sorry I've been thinking knob Goblin this whole time and I haven't said it you've been sitting on knob Goblin this whole time not no yep mhm my nickname in high school hey not at all literally not at all woo probably the opposite of my nickname in high school my nickname in high school is probably chasti belt or something more is that mine was fun-sized cuz I was smaller than I am now see sopia nailed it you did I knew we got the right Golden Girl for you and we've
made it full circle and we've made it full circle all right like subscribe yeah like subscribe tell us what Golden Girl you identify as [ __ ] your your Harry Potter house your hogwart's house we do not care we care about The Golden Girls I have a lot of golden girl [ __ ] in my house yeah you do dare I say if anyone givs me any more Golden Girl [ __ ] it'll put me over the edge in a way where I'm like I love them but not where my house is a gallery huh for them sure
um and I do feel like we've gotten gifted enough things over time that we've we've started encroaching on that territory noted but your house has some very specific themes as well yeah primarily horror movies and Pennywise the Clown yeah yeah you you probably have more Pennywise stuff in your house than we do of The Golden Girls probably yeah yeah that's a fair assessment all right um as Hannah said don't forget to like And subscribe let us know you're Golden Girl let us know how many knobs you
would rate this book keep the shape of the knob to yourself but outside of that we'd love to hear all the thoughts and details and we'll see you next time bye SMUD SLS well that's it for this week's muts [ __ ] we hope it was good for you cuz it sure was great for us if you're digging what we're doing it would mean a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and review the show wherever you're listening right now maybe tell that sexy someone to lend us an ear we love you we
appreciate you and we'll see you next week stay spdy [Music]