EP 47: His For Hanukkah by Reese Morrison

well hello All You Beautiful [Music] People you know what time it is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and everyone in between gather around get you something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on cuz it's time for smut Club here's your hosts chelse and [Applause] Hannah hey everyone and welcome to Smart club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea I've just given Chelsea a heart attack I just didn't know that we were recording already oh like I felt my chest tighten in a real way and then I

was like then I paused for a second I'm like what are you nervous about like what are you oh well I just kicked my mic so maybe maybe that's it we're just starting off strong right okay um we're so glad you guys are here yes thanks for being on this journey maybe you are on it on a weekly basis maybe you just show up because you like the book but regardless we're glad you're here this is the podcast where we tend to daydrink and review and read trashy romance novels correct some of them aren't

trashy some of them are classy yeah I would say this one that I'm doing today is maybe like more in the middle like it's not trashy and it's not terrible it's more like um there's more Exposition than plot does that make sense yes but also what's the name of oh sure it's his for Hanukkah by ree Morrison so I is Ree with a C or an S an s okay and I found this author by accident um they are a um they identify as queer and they write queer romance awesome um and I believe that they are

Jewish I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere well at the very least they wrote a book about a Jewish holiday they did they did and so I was telling you before we started and then you stopped me so that we could do on here um yeah I like you and I have this horrible habit it's why we started the podcast because we used to enjoy everyone on our work links talking about books but I do think the funniest thing is like we get so excited to tell each other about the books that we like

forget to save it for recording yep and then there are moments where I'm like damn it that was funny but then it feels weird because you don't want to repeat the joke you just made that doesn't feel sincere it doesn't so I'm sorry that I just earlier Hannah was like mids sentence and I literally went stop telling me she said stop stop I like just stop I save it I want to know but not right now so sorry wasn't wasn't trying to like it's good we'll Circle back around um so um I what I

appreciated most about this book really um is that as I was saying earlier but I don't think I finished the thought all the way is that the reason why this book didn't feel trashy to me is because it's obvious that this author knows the community she's writing about so like you know a lot of authors are ooh I want to write about Kink or like oo I want to write about like a gay romance or whatever and they have no real experience in it and it and they put it in like chat GPT and they're like

exactly tell me about Kink exactly and so it feels really um like almost just ridiculous like it's like that's not how any of this really works and so it just doesn't it I don't know it just feels wrong to me um well I feel like we've had that conversation about books um that are like BDSM and things like that and and you're so right you can always tell that difference of like oh they understand this community they're in this community versus they're like I Read 50 Shades of Gray and I

think this concept is hot but like when there's like no conversations about consent or safe words or or boundaries and like I think that's always a moment that I pause and I'm like I feel like the author might be new to the community or learning about it but when you can just kind of tell like they're not as like well versed yes yeah what I want integrated into the community yeah like active like yeah you know it's like okay so maybe they went to a club one time to

like learn about the community and then they were like I got it and decided to write a whole book about it I did 45 minutes of research right right you know the confidence of like a mediocre white man be like I've got this I've learned all I need to know yeah there's nothing that can be explained to me because I explain everything to everyone else correct yes so um this book again his for Hanukkah by reys Morrison so um there is kink involved it's a queer romance so we've got layers

we've got layers so we start with Adam Adam um he is really really struggling um he we know right off the bat he has some pretty intense anxiety issues his favorite hoodie which is like his comfort item got really messed up and so he's going to get a new one but none of them feel right and if anybody else has like sensory stuff you know that like that's a big deal it doesn't sound like it but it really is my husband has like major sensory stuff and so like if

things don't feel right he won't feel right like for the whole day like if the textures aren't right I'll say I'm not that big of like at that level of sensory but I did just have a very similar situation with sweatpants for the first time cuz I had like a pair of sweatpants that I've worn out because um I have thick thighs and I get the chub rub and um yeah it's a family curse my son is [ __ ] my husband and I both get it um but we're like I'm like we just have big thighs and our thighs rub

together I'm like and that's like no matter how much I work out no matter how much I weigh I've just like embraced like yeah that's how we're built yeah we I I'm built as a thick thighed human but the uh I got real thread bear between the thighs that's always where my pants go first yes 1,000% and I didn't realize it until I was sitting on my patio talking to my sister-in-law and like put like bent my leg up and just like put it underneath me and I looked down I was

like that is a giant oh there's two there's a hole on each side and then I was holding my baby then he discovered the holes I'm like nope that's not a toy mom just has TR but all this to say I was like cool I need a new pair of sweatpants the this pair was from Old Navy and I couldn't find it on their website again and I looked like for a long time through all of the reviews I ended up ordering a pair on Amazon I put them on in for like 3 seconds and I went absolutely [ __ ] not took them

straight back off I was like these need to be returned cannot wear these yeah at all and found that Old Navy had like what I think the pair I had was like extra high-waisted vintage joggers and now I just have extra high-waisted joggers and I'm like these are the same sweatpants but I'm like but it's the the feeling of them and as soon as I put them on I was like oh thank God yeah I was like these are the sweatpants I was like and I had a moment where I went do I just need to

buy like six pairs and just like like stock up on them should they go out in the future because I've already seen that I can't survive with these Amazon sweatpants these have become a necessity for me yes like and it was the first time cuz like I think like I like to be cozy sure but I think it was the first time that I was like oh no what what do I do I don't have these sweatpants anymore so that is literally the energy Adam is bringing he's like his whole life he feels like is in shambles at

this point it's not but he just doesn't feel good he's not happy he's anxious and he's really struggling so he has a high stress uh high-profile sort of job they have forced him to take vacation not because anything is wrong just because he hasn't taken time off in 3 years and he has so much PTO they were like you you have to take time off that's it so they forced him to take two weeks most companies not have like a you can only roll over so much do do I think

that was the issue I think that was the isue he was coming to the end of his like rollover where he could acrew after years I want his PTO plan that's that's what I'm really getting at so my husband is notorious for just having maxed PTO at all times and I don't understand it because he does take time off he just AC Cruis it so fast because he's been there for so long that he can't burn it fast enough so he just gives it away to people like he hears that somebody's out

sick he gives them some PTO he hears somebody had a baby he gives them some PTO he's like sweet he was like I mean I have the document like printed and saved on my desk so I can just jot it down real quick and give it to HR a and that's the energy I feel from Adam where he's like I don't need it I don't want it like he thrives on routine and that's what he wants like he wants the routine he like he finds a lot of comfort in it so even though this is meant to be a

time for him to recharge and take care of himself it does not feel that way yes he's not excited about this vacation no so he's at the mall trying to find a new hoodie and it's Christmas stuff everywhere um and he is just getting increasingly agitated um you know we find out his boyfriend dumped him like about a year ago uh because he was too needy his parents don't really talk to him and he's thinking you know he really wants to find a boyfriend more than that he

wants what what he refers to as like a a full-time Dom not somebody you're just doing scenes with but somebody that is like a full-time Dom um but he feels like he's too needy to ever have a relationship like that so he's just down on himself all over the place um he at one point somebody like bumps him cuz the mall is like overrun with people and it hurts and he he's like wow I'm I'm kind of being like a little bit of a wimp about this and then his exact quote is um why do some things feel so

unpleasant but an actual whipping can make me come which I found fun and interesting what a what a way to to let us know where Adam is at um so he's like wow someone pushed my shoulder lightly and that really hurt but I can only orgasm if someone's actively spanking me like basically like I I don't think the thought is I can only orgasm then but like definitely can like you know so uh he's like he decides he's going to go to the sex club he used to go to with his ex he he feels like he

lost his friend group after their breakup because he didn't they were all friends together mhm and he's been back occasionally but not all the time and he just doesn't feel like he fits there anymore but he decides he's going to go um so he their friend group fell apart partly because um he saw his friend Tate who is a trans male um he had dumped his girlfriend so they got together while Tate was transitioning and then the girlfriend was no longer into it and it

was like a whole thing that kind of like and then Adam and his boyfriend broke up and the whole friend group kind of just deteriorated so the last time he was at the club he saw Tate and Tate was trying to flirt with him and he just like shut down because he doesn't he's not good with the social interaction and so he was like I mean I want to see Tate he's super hot but I don't wanna I I can't I can't talk to him like so basically what we find out is that when he goes to this

club some of the people who run it some of his close friends essentially will match him with a Dom that they trust and work out the terms for him so that he never has to actually good friends very good friends and a high level of trust from Adam for these people um but that's what he has done he doesn't do it often really at all um but if he's going to hook up that's the way that he does it so for Tate to approach him is like a big hard no for him but Tate doesn't know that oh okay so

um he decides you know what I understand that it's midafternoon I don't care I'm going to the club he's like I am over Christmas right now it is in my face I don't have did he find a sweatshirt or does he give up he gave up so I know nothing felt right so he gave up on the sweatshirt so he he feels like Christmas is just like in his face and there's like a single manora in all of the the shop windows and he's like honestly Hanukkah really isn't even one of the high holidays who

gives a [ __ ] but like come on on like come on and he's getting like increasingly agitated about it mhm um and it makes him feel more and more invisible so he feels invisible in life anyway but then for he feels like his culture is being sort of erased everywhere he looks and so he just feels more and more isolated and invisible so uh he feels really good about his decision to go to the club he's like here for it he's excited we're doing it so he walks in mid afternoon J

the Club Mid mid-afternoon J to the sex club yes um which I think is called Escape I think um well he was escaping them all he was so he walks in and there is Tate decorating a Christmas tree and Adam loses his ever loving [ __ ] one of the owners no he's just a regular so the the feel of this is very much the way that my friends who are active in Kink communities describe theirs where it is sort of a big family where people just show up and they hang out and sometimes there's a scene sometimes

there isn't but they do holidays together and things like that that's the energy so Tate is just helping to decorate for their holiday party well and okay I was having not a conversation about Kink communities recently but I was talking to a co-worker about where you find your community as an adult and cuz he was talking [ __ ] about one of his friends who had joined um like a crossfit box and was like I think my friend joined a cult and I was kind of like well if you think about it like

where do you meet you meet people like I feel like a lot of like you you grow up with friends that are just old friends a lot of adults find friends in religious communities um or hobby communities which I would include like physical fitness like kind of can fall in that category right I'm like yeah my cousin still has friends that he will he used to live in Nashville he now lives in Texas 10 15 years later and he had joined a running club when he had first moved to Nashville and he still flies

back to do events with that friend group yeah right exactly but I yeah we've just had a big conversation very recently about like where do you find friends as an adult so like it makes complete sense to me that like you're like oh like-minded people who feel safe with and Trust of course I want to spend more time there absolutely and it's you know it you're right he doesn't feel like he can fit in or have community at work he's very good at when he focuses his anxiety kind of eases and

so he's very good at his job he's a team lead and even with his anxiety he's able to like manage all this stuff and he does really great um outside of that structure though he has a very difficult time but because he has been in this Kink Community it would seem for several years they know him he trusts them they understand his anxiety and they really support him through that which is what he needs cuz he doesn't get it from his own family either so he sees Tate decorating a Christmas

tree and loses his [ __ ] and he just walks over and like kicks a a present box like an empty one that's just for decoration he just kicks it and Tate's like hey hey Adam you you okay bud like what you doing you good my dude and Adam is so escalated he can't even respond and so this is the way that it is described is Tate puts on his daddy voice and uh tells him to Kick the Box again like he can see that he's having a hard time and needs some kind of release so he tells

him to Kick the Box again and so Adam Goes Bananas and he starts yelling about how um no one cares about him no one asks him about um his his holidays like he names several he's talking about yam kapor and rashash Shana and all this other stuff um and uh he's always alone you know and he is a regular attendee of synagogue like he goes every single Saturday but he still doesn't have like the religious community aspect of that and so he doesn't have people to

celebrate these major holidays with and so after he destroys a bunch of stuff he just starts sobbing his eyeballs out while Tate holds him like he had this big like explosion of emotion and then it seemed like a a an adrenaline crash after literally what I was just thinking yeah like a big adrenaline Crash from all this rage that he had been kind of holding on to really since his breakup which had been a very significant amount of time yeah uh you said it the breakup

had been like a year before I think it it may have been even longer but it was at least a year um and so he realizes that he feels warm and safe with Tate kind of holding him um and he's just kind of quietly talking to him and he gives him some water and just kind of sits with him while he comes down and then he start to lick Tate's neck and then realizes what he's doing and is like like oh no oh abort Mission like like I've made a mistake um and he's like like was just cuddled in Tate's

laugh and Tate was taking care of him and like he was just comfy yeah yeah so uh he's like I really like this guy is the kicker to all of this like I really like him he's super hot they've been friends for years because they were in the same friend group and he's like and now I've probably ruined any chance we have at like rebuilding our friendship after all this time because I just destroyed all the hard work that he did and then made it weird by licking his neck great work like but was Tate

into the the neck licking well he doesn't know so he's like he got two in his head about it right so he's trying to pull away and Tate like holds on to him tighter um and Adam keeps reminding myself like he is not my daddy like that's what he's looking for that's like the Dom type he's looking for he's like Tate's not my daddy he's not my dom like I need to have bound like emotional boundaries here through this and need to recognize what this is and what this isn't exactly so he says

that out loud like you're not my daddy you don't have to take care of me it's okay um he's like you know but I I know I understand this wasn't a scene like we didn't set this up I'm really really sorry uh and Tate just tells him not to move he's like don't move so we kind of we sort of get both points of view but it's all in third person so that was like Adam's setup for this whole thing so we go to Tate and he is super excited that Adam is in his arms uh he's always

wanted more with him he's always thought he was really attractive um and he's realizing now that a lot of the weirdness because Tate had moved away for a while okay and then came back and had like finished his transition got it or as much transition as he was going to do like he did all of that and he had started tea and there's like a lot of discussion of all of that and um so he knew he looked different and he was like maybe he's not attracted to me who maybe aren't as familiar could

you explain what tea is for people yes tea is testosterone um so there are varing ways in which a person can express their gender and so sometimes that's through medical intervention and T is just one of those medical interventions um and so uh yeah he's like he's really anxious but he seems to be into me if the neck lick is any indication he's like seems like uh I might be misreading this but but seems like I I might have a Fighting Chance yeah like maybe maybe this is my chance

and I'm going to take it you know way to shoot your shot right we can respect it yes so he keeps referring to Adam as his boy like in his mind like that's my boy and stuff like that um and he really really really wants to take care of him um so he he's trying to figure figure out how do I do that like how do I do that in a way that it feels safe for him and like all that other stuff he's like I'm pretty sure that we are compatible um in a lot of ways in terms of like Kink and in terms of what

they're looking for but he doesn't know for sure because Adam is so anxious he has a hard time communicating all that so um like in a way where almost ically Tate would be someone that they would set Adam up with as far as like exactly yep you are looking for the same thing we stress this person we like but hasn't been able to have that conversation exactly and and Adam and Tate both want more they are looking for the same type of relationship they just don't know that yet don't know it yet um

they're they're going like man I really wish this was out there for me exactly exactly uh so Adam is so out of it he doesn't even notice people like walking by or one of the other uh people in the community bringing Adam water like he doesn't notice any of it and Tate is just like obviously I have to take care of him like you know he's not he's not in a good place he finds him super adorable Tate finds Adam super adorable um and he tells him that it's an honor

that Adam felt safe enough to let go like that that he felt safe enough to have that kind of emotional experience with him what a beautiful reframe of something that like I think historically people can feel a lot of like shame and embarrassment exactly and that's definitely where Adam starts out like a lot of Shame and embarrassment so um Tate has been questioning because every time he's tried to flirt with Adam Adam has gotten weird and he thought it was because he was trans he was like

maybe he's just not into me because of that and then he starts to realize that it's it's because of the anxiety um and so you know Adam had said I didn't think you were into me and Tate's like buddy I've been flirting with you hardcore I've been trying so hard to flirt with you for so long yes he's like I stopped because I thought I was making you uncomfortable and you weren't into it because I'm trans and Adam's like no no I'm very into all of it just anxious yeah it's a very cute moment um so

um Tate like the the theme of the whole book really is that Tate works so hard to understand where Adam is coming from and like what what's going on instead of making assumptions or um decisions for him he really tries to understand what's going on with him I got to say what an admirable quality I know because well one it's an admirable quality period like no comma but I will also say that is something that like I did not realize was a difficulty of mine because I think like I'm always just

like moving so fast right and I like let's say sure I get it right like 7 to 8% of the time I'm like nope knew where we were going already got there on to the next like help me help you my guy like right but then there's like the 20 to 25 and obviously these numbers I probably get it wrong way more [ __ ] often than that these are generous numbers in my comtable giving you that kind of credit I'm good with that thank you thank you but I feel like that's something that I didn't

realize I did and now being married for years and years I'm very aware of like I hell I'm pretty sure I did it several times this week and there are times where my husband's like in the kindest way possible if you let me finish my sentence that's that's not where we were ending um see how you got there but if you could let me finish my sentence you'd see that we weren't going to end there either so just I truly appreciate that quality because that is not a quality

that comes naturally to me right and so seeing people who do it better I'm like one it's not hard to do it better but being like oh oh what a healthy that's so precious and and kind cuz like I'm the same way and it's usually for me it comes from a place of anxiety where I'm like so anxious to understand that I overshoot and so then I like mess it up yes and so for for like the Kink Community as well that's a big deal for him to to be that uh gentle and open

because he is definitely still a Dom and also the way in which he is dominant is also kind and supportive and caring rather than like a aggressive maybe is the word I want okay this is going to be a very weird pivot but just go with me on this okay I'll track well as you know I watched The Challenge a lot when I was pregnant and now my baby loves TJ Lavin voice and stops crying if TJ laughing is on but I did know that but at some point I'm like we we got to we got to switch to

miss Rachel or Bluey my dude we got to find a different Comfort show but what I always find super interesting is on like team challenges or like partner challenges um the differences in partners and the part like just cuz there are some where you're like you are screaming at this person and they're not moving fast enough and you're like I'm [ __ ] pushing you up this mountain and like an aggressive way that you're like this isn't helpful at all versus the people that are like okay you're doing

so incredible like I know you have that weighted pack on your shoulders like right okay yep just how can I help you we got to make it 50 more yards than we're at the puzzle or like hey if we make it up to this hill I'll take 10 of your pounds off your like out of your pack and put it in mine right MH and sure sometimes the aggressive people win but do they win right like right no because when it like everyone just thinks you're a huge piece of [ __ ] when that's when that's how you're

communicating versus the people who were like like there was one challenge where uh the guy was like listen I know I'm the last place dude and I know she's the last place female no amount of time that I like I like I can't catch up I've already lost so instead of leaving her in the wind and just letting this girl finish the run on her own I'm going going to stay with her and encourage her and support her through it and like we'll cross the finish line together yes in a way where you're like

Oh What a Beautiful M like just like those moments where you're like you don't you don't have to be in a dominant role and be an [ __ ] exactly so I'm loving that energy in this book and it's so different from most of the romance out there because it usually is very mutually exclusive like if somebody is dominant then they're also a dick yes and that's just not true for Tate which is really cool yes here for this so Tate is enjoying this entire interaction Adam

is being a little bit bratty and needy and he's like I'm into this whole situation I'm loving it starts calling him his little star um and um this book is so intering I know it's really sweet um and so they t start talking about Adam's past hookups and his needs um and uh he's like super turned on that Adam is following his directions like cuz Adam tries to get up a couple of times and he's like stay come back you know and he's like following all the directions

um he Adam is like I'm I don't want to be too much like you know he's like well you're brater than I thought like I'm loving that and he's like I'm really sorry and Adam's like oh do I need to turn it down he's like do I need to I and he's trying to like turn it down and and you know make himself less essentially um and Tate is like hey so you're going to come home with me and I'm going to take care of you and um Adam is like well for for how long and Tate is thinking forever but

that would be weird uh can't say that this soon he's like so uh for eight days you're coming home with me for Hanukkah right and so um I see I see what we did there yeah so it's all very sweet and again we don't get all of their history but they've known each other for years because on one hand I was like big yikes Bud why didn't anybody else in the club say anything cuz that felt really risky if they're always caring for Adam but they've both been going to this club for

a long time they've both known each other for a long time so I still felt that you know if anything was unsafe the people in the club would have said something um so Adam's freaking out I love you looking out for Adam like that I know I was like a you're like not my Adam never so he's freaking out uh because he doesn't know the plan so because I have similar anxiety I need to know the plan yeah I need to know we did this last night when we were discussing what we

were wearing ing today I was like maybe I need to bring options you were like no ironically when you said you were bringing options I thought that means Hannah's going to bring a flannel button up and then you showed up in my house wearing a flannel button up and I was like I'm so I know Hannah we've been friends for years now I was like I got that [ __ ] right oh my god well that's this is like my hoodie like that's my comfort hoodie is my flannel um but anyway so Adam is panicking because he

doesn't know the plan so Tate is able to read the anxiety and he's like what do you need and he's like I don't know and he's like what's going and he like explores it with him and then he tells him um okay so here's the plan um I'm going to give you a bath we're going to cuddle there's going to be no sex we're going to order your dinner and then we're going to go to bed and we're going to sleep a [ __ ] great night I know I was like a throw a puzzle in there I know right I'm

sold throw in a season of The Challenge and you have Chelsea catnip honestly we've watched so many it's like burning are we over it now I I've I know I've watched too much because we started going through the old Seasons because I was like we've watched all of the newer ones um Seasons 10 through 38 are available on Paramount plus oh Chelsea yeah now I will also say this a lot of like the early Seasons they were like the 20 minute episodes the show got more popular they became like hourlong

episodes but then the seasons became a lot shorter right and then they were like okay now these are like longer episodes and longer Seasons um so I will say it is also something that's like normally like passively on in the background it's not something that like you're actively watching yeah like when they're like can you name all of the seasons in order I'm like what like who won this season like when like you're watching like trivia on the show and I'm like y'all know these

things like right I'm like I have pretty good attention to detail no [ __ ] clue yeah I'm like there's there's too many seasons there's too many things well and we have other priorities yes then who won the 37th season of The Challenge yeah well like cuz like Amazing Race and Survivor and like all of those shows are like like big brother I think is on like season 25 or something where all of them are pretty far in and I'm not [ __ ] on this at all but it's a legitimate question I

have like does the being the winner of season 33 feel as good or carry the same like Prestige yes yeah I don't know that's a good question just like with all of the shows not just the challenge right yeah I and especially now that like it's just its whole universe right so like you start on One show and then you'll like Go crossover and be a guest on like a bunch of other shows right yeah I mean it feels very like a closed circuit you know it's like cool you just have to like get your in on one

of these in you can't get out and if they like you right you can stay in this this universe as long you want yes which is a wild thing to think about like that can that's your job yeah that is weird yeah I mean it's interesting well cuz there are some people who like do the challenge and historically they're like this is my like this is my job this is what I do cuz I don't know how often they shoot but I mean if you make it you're shooting for at least probably

two months if you make it through the full competition you know MH like that's a long time a long time and the physical capabilities that you need for so many of those shows that you're like cool well I got cut early because I wasn't physically in shape so now I'm working out way more in the off season so I can come back and win and then it's just like next thing you know it's like a professional athlete for your Seasons well I also think what's like when these

shows started like it was like 19 year olds 20 year olds on the real world right and now you have people that they're like like Johnny Bananas on the challenge I think he's he's been in over like he's been between 20 and 25 seasons of the show like he's in his 40s now and I'm like you are competing with people that like are now oh sorry that was Craig oh I'm so sorry Craig oh my God for those who didn't just see that Craig was sniffing my foot and I thought something was crawling on my foot and

then I kicked and Craig um he's fine he's okay it wasn't like a large that was sorry Craig I didn't mean to kick you but yeah all that to say like it's reality television is no longer a young man's game corre you have people in their 30s 40s like 50s that are like yeah I've had kids I've like had a full career right and of this and now I'm 45 and a reality star right but like didn't start there some like you know I'm like some of the shows cool you got on it when you were like in your late

30s early 40s like you were you L led a full life before that and now you're here right where others it's all they've known it's weird I mean good for them 2023 is a weird year to be alive yes for a lot of reasons not just that but I do think like the concept of like being an influencer 15 years ago yeah what yeah even still now that's how I know that like I'm I am no longer young really is like I don't I don't get it like I'm like oh no so why why is this person cool like

what what is a yeet I'm like you know what I mean um I asked I asked Vance recently I was like so talk to me about Olivia Rodrigo and he's like what do you want to know I'm like where did she start how did we get here yes yeah and then we looked it up and I was like oh what and now I'm forgetting if she was like a Disney child start or something like that but just one of those where I was like how how is this 18 year however old she is that whole song about her

driver's license which I felt way too old to be that emotionally impacted by well and I you know the other day we had somebody you know at at work who was admitting and I was looking at their birth date and I was like that's got to be a typo you know they were born in like 2004 and I was like oh my God they made people after 1998 I like really like I really had hard time with it I saw a post where someone was like biggest blow I've had recently was uh went to buy

some alcohol and when I handed them my ID they immediately handed it back and I was like do you not need to check it she was like oh no I saw your birthday it starts with a one like your birth year and I was like oh God oh God anyone oh [ __ ] like oh my God I hadn't been prepared for yeah that no no mentally or emotionally did you see the Tweet a long time ago where someone was like someone just said that I they're like oh yeah she was born in the late 1900 yes I was

like right right casual we're fine we're everything's okay we're all doing great I'm okay it's okay okay how did we do this where were so Tate was explaining to Adam how he was going to take care of him yes so they get to Tate's house and Tate had casually mentioned that Adam was going to be punished for his tantrum and Adam was like say more but Tate did not so they get home and uh Adam is asking about his punishment um and he is like shocked by his own forwardness he's like why is this coming

out of my mouth shut up shut up shut up but he's still going for it um so uh Tate says we'll talk over dinner um about what we're both looking for right so to make sure we're on the same page so um Adam starts spiraling again and he's like is this just for 8 days is it going to be more what's going on am I just his for Hanukkah or is this going to last right excellent see what I did there I did and I liked it um it was low hanging fruit but I appreciate the response so

um he's like he is uh what I like to call Future tripping where he's like well if this works out like I can give Tate power over my my finances if he's going to be my Daddy he can pay my bills like you know if he's going to like not that Tate is going to pay his bills but literally giving him Financial power so that he can just manage his money because it just stresses him out really bad and he's like pump the brakes at him like maybe slow down buddy whoa like he's like scaring

himself oh so okay hold on Adam was saying all that it's like an internal monologue yes he didn't say that out loud when you said pump the brakes I was like wait Tate told him to pump the brakes I was like he said that out loud to Tate oh my God and I was like I think I think that misinterpretation was on me okay so internal monologue and just like and yeah funny cuz it's like it's not like catastrophizing right it's like reverse catastrophizing right he's like moderate

your expectations babe like we just got here like slow down so um I uh I feel like you say this as well in sessions but I feel like all of the time I'm just in session being like listen that is a conversation and that is a problem for future Chelsea and future Hannah but current Chelsea and current Hannah cannot do anything about that but future Chelsea would love to have that conversation yes yes where you're like and I feel like that's what Adam's doing Adam's like okay this is a conversation

for future Adam to have with future Tate not current Adam to have with current right right either one really neither neither one is going to be helpful um and so um Tate is like picking up on the spiral and um gives Adam a spanking which was the punishment from before MH um and uh he also tells I'm guess Adam was into it well oh so he he tells Tate tells Adam that the punishment really is because he should be bringing his anxiety to tapate before it spirals so that they can work through it

together and so he needs to trust him to do that and so um Adam is very conflicted about this whole moment that they're having and he is sobbing his eyeballs out um and so Tate just snuggles him for a little bit does Adam have a therapist I think it's casually mentioned but he may need a new one yeah he may need a new one cuz it's a lot I was like it makes me sad that he's like going through that much you know yes like I'm like this is like this anxiety is 1,00% impacting his ability to like

function in day-to-day life yes it is and that is like cuz we we are both anxious people yep and but that's like where I've always been on the fence with medication management because I've always like no no no I have a [ __ ] ton of anxiety and it doesn't impact my daily functioning right where I'm like I've I've been able to manage it enough right and sure there have been Seasons where I look back and I'm like I could have used some help there yeah probably probably should have

considered some Med management at the time um just no so I think for Adam he has been managing pretty well but because his routine is all messed up because he's not at work and because like all these other it's the holidays it's all like a perfect storm of stuff because it sounds like he's generally very successful he's just also anxious but then you take away his routine and you take away or and you add the stress of the holidays and feeling invisible and

not having family and he's like he can't manage it so so Tate like just snuggles him and takes care of him and tells him like this if we're going to do this like you have to tell me when you're anxious like that's like we have to do that together we have to agree on that um and then he tells him and this is really sweet he tells him that he looked up how to DIY a manora because Tate's not Jewish so he doesn't have a manora and so he DIYs he gives him several options

so they use wine glasses and like beans dry beans and rice in the wine glasses and like set up birthday candles in it um to light the candles and um Adam is it night it's night one yes correct cuz it was a whole eight eight days okay mhm So Adam is like well we don't have to like he's he's like hedging he's like you know Hanukkah actually isn't really that important to me like it just has become important culturally because of Christmas but it's like not really um

and uh it was never special when he was growing up and then he Geeks out hard over the history of the holiday and goes into like all the detail of how we have Hanukkah and why and it's not even in the Torah I'm guessing Tate's like so it sounds like maybe Hanukkah is something we're into Tate's like this is the cutest [ __ ] I've ever seen he's like this is so [ __ ] cute and so um they do the whole thing and um they say Gra attitudes which is part of the whole

deal um the Mitzvah as it were and um I recently found a gold dinosaur manora there is reference to a dinosaur manora later but I don't think I put it in my nose I wanted it then I was like we that's weird yeah I'm like might be weird well I'm like I have like extended family that are Messi onic at the same time it's still enough that I'm like sure in the future if I start making a regular practice when like yes then I could justify the the cost of this $80 $80 then I was like damn it who do I

know who needs a gold dinosaur manora and then I was like [ __ ] it do I just send it to someone and no gift note just being my best friend is Jewish she would love that and so would her sons you send me the link I will send you the link 1,00% I was like do I just send it to like my cousins and not like tell them it's going to show up don't tell them it's from you just a random um I did that not with a c dinosaur manora but several years ago I was several drinks

in and um was telling my cousins about the Claremont Lounge have you seen the tie-dye shirts they have on their website no they say like I saw your mama shaking it at the Claremont Lounge a and I was very Tipsy and thought I should just buy one and mail it to my cousin with there was like no like place to put a note or or like this is a gift or whatever nothing and then I completely forgot she textt me and because she lived in Chicago at the time and she's like hey

Chelsea is this from you and I'm like oh my God yes no forgot about it what an awesome thing to forget yes but like who else would send it I have questions you know that is the bigger like if someone else sent it you probably should have concerns but I'm like you know I I would love for that to be the energy I carry throughout my life you're like oh you never know what's going to show up at our house chelse had a few glasses of wine and got excited and she

like I just thought you needed this it's fine and that's why everyone in the future will have a gold dinosaur manora so if you receive a random gold dinosaur manora just know it was from Chelsea it's me but for real I will send it to you for your friend please do yes yeah her kids would love that so um Adam is like this is really nice just remember it's temporary like he's continuously reminding himself he is not your daddy this is temporary like eight days y don't get attached so Tate does

not want to have to go to work and leave Adam um because he wants to spend time with him so he gives him Specific Instructions for the day and like makes sure that he eats like he has him text in pictures cuz he's really bad at eating regularly for some of us with anxiety that is a big problem so um he is just getting a lot of Joy from taking care of Adam he really likes it um and like making sure that Adam is like happy and and comfortable so he he instructed they

have not had any sexual contact really at all aside from the spanking a little bit of neck licking that's really it like there's been no nothing else if I'm making weird faces it's because I have to sneeze and I'm trying so hard to not sneeze but I recognize that I keep like squinting up at the lights and trying to stop it so if you're looking over and going what the [ __ ] are you okay Chelsea that's like you don't need to get emotional like your eyes are watering

I'm like it's okay he just has Adam wait for him in a submissive position at home nothing bad's going to happen no need to cry about it nothing bad's going to happen um so um yes Adam is in a submissive position with a blindfold on um and he like goes and gets a traditional uh like seasonal pastry Jewish pastry um and they they do some food play um and he's really worried that Adam is going to judge his body because he's trans there's reference to his Top surgery um and just you know that he

looks different and he's just really worried about that um but uh he's he just decides that he is going to just focus on Adam's pleasure and so he uh there's my notes say orgasm denial follows Follow by a BJ for Adam so Tate gives Adam a [ __ ] got it um everyone's happy and then you know Tate didn't come and Adam is like weird about it and he's like no no you don't understand like I got more pleasure from having this with you than whatever whatever so orgasming wasn't my only

goal of this experience right orgasming was not the point of this right um bringing you pleasure and H experiencing you was the point I [ __ ] love that my pets are just like thank God Hannah's here they are well Craig is in a half crouch on my lap and I just want him to settle and be comfortable oh his eyes are closing he'll probably fall asleep like that he's not all the way down nope okay buddy whatever makes you happy no there are a lot of times where I look at Craig

and I'm like this is a choice you're making right you don't have to make this choice I do that with my cat Fred all the time because she'll like lay right on the edge of the bed she has plenty of space and then she will like do and then slide off the side of the bed and I'm like so I have pillows lined up around my bed so that she she has a gentle Landing cuz you'll look over and she's like on her back with her little paws up and her eyes still closed like what ridiculous anyway are the best So

Adam uh Tate worked it out so that he could work from home for like most of the rest of the time that Adam's going to be with him and so Adam is getting really bored watching Tate work and um he's like buzzing around trying to find something to do he's like his anxiety is starting to build because he doesn't have a purpose for all the energy so he's like buzzing around not knowing what to do and then Tate finally gives him instructions for lunch like get the

following items put them on a tray bring them over here like very specific stuff to do um so then question yes would it have to be that specific or could he just be like hey clean the bathroom so Adam wants it to be that specific got it it like helps him he doesn't even usually like it when Tate gives him options he literally just wants Tate to decide cuz his anxiety gets so overpowering he has a difficult time I recognize that that is what they are into and what they are

both looking for in a relationship and I need Adam to get a new therapist yeah well so Tate will give him options and then say or do you want me to choose and then Adam will say I want you to choose and I love that they have like established that but I'm also like at some level I'm like Adam like his anxiety is that like it it makes me sad his anxiety is that bad yes and also glad that Tate recognizes it and has had has like built some strategies to help him yes but also yes a new therapist

would be good yeah cuz I feel the same I'm like I love that like Tate understands what the situation is and is helping navigate it and mind you I'm feeling in a narrative here right but I'm like that's a lot of pressure on on your partner yeah like even if like you're into caring for them like your partner being like please make all of my decisions for me because I am too anxious to do anything on my own right that's a lot it's a lot of pressure that's a lot of pressure I like

I yeah and even if you're into it like I I very much know my husband loves taking care of me and my husband is looked me dead in the eye and been like I can't take this for you right and you need to find someone professional to talk to like not in a mean way not like it is because he loves me it's more it is because I want to take care of you that I'm going to tell you that I can't yes and we're going to find you somebody who can absolutely and I I think that you know Tate gets a lot of joy and

fulfillment from it and you know as long as everybody's cool that's great if everyone's cool and everyone's happy I think therapist Chelsea is like how long is this sustainable yeah before like resentment and those things like but also that is why early on Adam was like I recognize I'm a lot in these situations and it takes a very specific partner yep to be able to navigate that with me right to fulfill this need yes okay so so Tate started giving Specific Instructions which Adam was very

grateful for yep and then Tate feeds him by hand while Adam is like seated on the floor next to him and then Adam gets sleepy and he falls asleep on the floor next to Tate and it's like a cute moment um so Tate wakes him up to make lot Keys which you know are excellent like okay this is a legit question is it Lis or lkas cuz I always thought it was like more of a like the other sound like a C Sound instead of a key sound mhm but I don't know so I have no idea I've heard

it both ways okay one person told me that it's more like if you are Eastern European oh just more like a regional yeah I don't know that to be true I'm just like it could have been full of [ __ ] you know but it could have been a fact could have been something they made up in the moment it absolutely could have fair enough and I would believe it anyway honestly I really would I'm like okay if you say anything with enough confidence unless I like blatantly know it's wrong there's a

certain level where I'm like I won't question it but honestly even if you say it with enough confidence even if I know you're wrong I might still be like maybe I'm wrong right like I am susceptible to the gasl light apparently because if you say it with enough confidence I will question myself yes you know basically like okay but guess like implies intentional like manipulation right no I don't mean malice you know what I mean but you're also not wrong I probably am more susceptible to

gaslighting than I want to admit I think most of us are like I don't you know that's fair it's just a thing I think it's something that like sounds so obvious that like when you're hearing stories that you're like what I would never fall for that but then when you're like actually in it you're like oh I fell for that no I fell for that very like twice yeah yeah like twice maybe three times for good measure what what was that um do you remember when okay this George W bush is

the younger one yeah uhhuh when there was like an audio clip where he was like fool me once sh shame on on me like fool me like I don't remember that I don't know remember it being like that blatant but just one of those where he was trying to be like fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me but like [ __ ] up the saying like fool me twice [ __ ] who's the shame on like sh everybody everybody gets shame for having to witness this moment with you yes yes but I love that that man have

you seen he paints no oh my God George W bush does Pet Portraits okay so we're going to have to hold that for later cuzz I have a lot of questions and I'm going to need to Google you're like sorry Chelsea you can't just drop that and move on casually we can't just pretend that didn't happen at least I think it was Pet Portraits well I'm going to find out might have I might it could be nature escapes for all I know either way I want to see it and I want to know more touche

yeah okay so Adam fell asleep by Tate's feet yep I keep wanting I think Adam I keep wanting to say Tatum that makes sense so anyway Tate gets every like all the ingredients ready and just like all Adam has to do is put them together um so Tate as like Adam is starting to make these he's getting a little choked up cuz like nobody's done anything this thoughtful for him in a really long time and so he's like all emotional and then Tate comes over and basically starts feeling

him up while while he's trying to make these which makes it very difficult for him to effectively mix the ingredients um okay question maybe this is just a Vance thing but I had to get it like lay not lay into Vance but like had to look him squarely in the eye because Vance will do this thing if I'm doing the dishes let's say the sink is has been completely full I will get 90 to 95% of the way through the dishes and then Vance will come up and like start like try and like grab my boob or kiss my

neck and I'm like my hands are still wet I've made it 90 to 95% of the way through this task can I just [ __ ] finish this last dish and dry my hands and manance was like like I feel like that's like the Perpetual conversation I was like listen I drove the car all the way here you going to park it in the garage for me like let me finish this task I just want to be able to cross it off my list yes I'm like I'm so [ __ ] close feel the room I've been doing the

dishes for 30 minutes and he walked up in the last five let me finish see I do the opposite thing to other people all the time where they are almost done with a task like clearly they're almost done and I'm like hey do you need any help it driv my dad [ __ ] bananas he's like no no I don't he's like great timing kid perfect I'm like thank you also that is a quote about the drove the car all the way here that I was once my um my extended family who are Messianic

I would go on their annual synagogue Retreat when I was in Middle School and everyone was puzzling and my dad and uncle had been working on a puzzle and it was one of those like the last 10 pieces and someone sat down and tried to help and my uncle was like no we drove the car all the way here but thanks for parking it in the garage and the guy like got up and like walked away oh faux pop like that is puzz puzzle etiquette 101 puzzle etiquette come on man bless it the sweet

so Vance and I are big puzzle people but we'll start a puzzle and then I'm like okay I did the edge and now I'm going to go read a book and then I'll come back but Vance like when he gets in the zone the focus yes and he will go like fully finish a puzzle and I'm like well damn it I wanted to puzzle with you but I didn't like need to finish the puzzle 3 hours after the Box opened and so even when he's like I like even if I sort like three pieces at the start Vance always saves the last piece

for me to put in the puzzle oh my God that's the cutest [ __ ] thing I've ever heard it's really it's the sweet and I was like Vance I didn't do this puzzle and he's like yes you did it's our thing and it's oh my God that's so cute isn't it oh my God like it's such a small thing but it's so sweet that he's always like I know I just did a thousand piece puzzle by myself but it's our thing it's our puzzle it's yeah I love that it's very sweet okay so much like you're getting emotional

now not the puzzle a puzzle Adam um was getting emotional and thought it was very sweet yes and as he's getting emotional Tate starts feeling them up yes and um so they are like going at it in the kitchen and then yes and then Tate winds up banging him on the kitchen table and um after Adam finishes he feels Tate start to like move in a different way and he realizes that Tate is trying to get off and he's like oh okay like I see what's happening here I got it I got it

so um Adam makes this like off-hand comment that trans guys are the best and Tate like freezes up and he's like and Adam explains that um Tate was like super sexy getting off with him and he was really into it um and it's super cool that he could have any size dick he wanted that's what he said and I was like okay like yeah all right what a reframe okay i' never thought of it that way before that makes a lot of sense either yeah me either and so Tate is like we had that conversation about

boyfriend dick versus husband dick so many times you can have any kind of dick choose your dick choose your own dick your own dick adventure oh my God so Tate is like super relieved about the whole thing um and he's like oh man what a yes I can't imagine that no like not only having that physical experience and transition mhm which you are already having to live with and reconcile on a daily basis right but then to bring in an intimate partner right and that and like when you're

still figuring out yourself and it's like a different level of vulnerability yes you know and so Tate is like kind of floored by the whole thing he's like what am I going to do with you and Adam is like uh keep me like hey and there you go Adam that's the confidence we love Yeah that's what we're looking for so there's lots of cute moments where K is realizing that um Adam wants instructions for everything and has like what the king community refers to as little like he's

not a little but he has little energy so that's like got it somebody who is uh like gets into a childlike headp space and wants to be cared for he doesn't Adam doesn't go like all the way to that place but he has tantrums and he can be a little bit like extra um Moody a little Moody yeah um but he is also thoughtful and really mature in in conversations that matter um in moments that are important he's he will lock on to that and he is actually a really mature and lovely

adult um and well like what I what I kind of feel like I hear you saying there is like yeah Adam has those moments but also has enough wherewithal to kind of know when you can have those moments yes time and place like he's able to read the time and place and meet Tate's needs when like when Tate needs him to be a grownup he's a grownup um and so that's a big deal for Tate so he decides to put a [ __ ] cage on Adam um so he can't touch himself all day and that

becomes like their thing like Adam is like always in a [ __ ] cage like all the [ __ ] time um and he loves it and um he makes him wear it all day while Tate goes to work um which I had questions about the safety of that but I don't have one and I've never used one I don't have a [ __ ] nor have I used a [ __ ] cage is what I should say so like I don't know that information cuz like with nipple clamps you have to take them off like you can't leave them on for a very

long time M um but I don't know I and this could be a very naive and ignorant statement and I can own that about myself I imagine that it would depend on the [ __ ] cage probably CU I I would imagine that there are the types where like if it's like more constricting like a nipple clamp where like y that one has a time limit versus something that's like a little bit more of like cool here's a little like chest that's like hugging around your like treasure chest is what not

like yes sure I got it I'm tracking but something that like cool this clamps on but you you have movement right and it like it doesn't restrict any blood flow it doesn't restrict blood flow like you could still urinate if you needed to um but I think my question with those is I imagine what pants do you wear over your cck cage right sweatpants yes I mean can't be jeans I would hope not oh my God ow yeah I think those are the logistical things that I'm wondering about yeah yeah but I'm right

there with you yeah yeah um so he Tate tells Adam about his family um that uh they're a bunch of [ __ ] and well his parents anyway and they're going to dead name him and make shitty remarks to his brother-in-law who is Chinese American and they're just generally like they don't sound like the most welcoming and compassionate people um so even still he asks Adam to come to Christ at their house with him um because he just would really like to have him there and so Adam is like

absolutely like let's do it so um Tate is realizing that um he loves how like um like clingy Adam is um but he's also trying to like cool down his desire for control because he doesn't want to like run him off cuz he loves giving him instructions like he he gets off on that this setup works very well for both of them yes but he doesn't know how well it works for Adam and so he's like trying to pull back a little bit don't want to freak him out but Adam's out here like

give me more yeah like I'm I'm ready um and so uh Adam goes Christmas shopping for Tate's nieces um and my notes say they play strip Dr old question Mark it's a good night so yeah that's what they do they they play strip drel so throughout this the other like piece of this theme is that Tate is going out of his way to like understand the customs and traditions and make sure that Adam gets to engage them um as much as possible um so Adam it's Christmas Day Adam is super

laid-back about meeting Tate's family surprisingly because Tate is freaking out so he's like I got this like and he's also like well Tate told me what to expect he told me to expect them to be douchebags I can handle that like I don't have to be worried I as long as I know to expect them being douchebags I'm I'm not great with them being douchebags but I can do it right yeah um so it doesn't go well right um Tate's dad makes really shitty comments um to Adam

about him not eating the ham and about him being like one of those Jews and stuff like that that gets really gross and awkward um not just like a little like shitty General level of shitty really shitty like also really shitty comments about his um the brother-in-law who's Chinese in front of their daughters who are also half Chinese like making these really like [ __ ] comments about them speaking Chinese because they're learning Mandarin and so it's like a whole thing

which is a [ __ ] hard language to learn yes it is and Adam also speaks some Mandarin for his job and is working on learning it and so he like practices with the nieces which is really cute so they go to um they decide they're going to leave they're just like you know what we're done with you people and so they go back to Adam and oh well they go back to Tate's house and they do it's Shabbat it's Friday and so they do um Shabbat they light the candles it's the whole

thing and it's very very sweet they play games they order Chinese food which is like a Jewish tradition on Christmas day to like eat Chinese food for a lot of families um and it's a it's just really sweet and so do you remember um Rachel yes um Rachel always makes me laugh because she's like oh I never take off at the holidays she's like just like the Jew I am Jesus Christ like but in like the funniest way where she's like oh no I'm Jewish I'll just eat Chinese food

that Daya she's like oh I'll cover for everyone cuz everyone's out normally that week between which I'm like just shut down right every just who's even whatever yes 1,000% and but she's always like yeah I'm Jewish I'll cover you I don't care bless her yeah yeah she will whenever we have like a te team Icebreaker questions like what's your favorite holiday tradition she's like I'm Jewish she's like apples and honey for rashash Shana I don't know like kind of

the like lot cuz yeah for the record I'm like it's in the context of those conversations like I realized I'm communicating this as though she's someone who's just like hey everyone announcement I'm Jewish which is she true she's not like that at all but it's like when we're having holiday conversations it just always makes me laugh because she's always like yep I'm just going to be eating Chinese food it's fine yep so why not so the next day is Saturday which is the Sabbath and so

they go um to the synagogue Tate agrees to go and he feels really really honored that like they're going and um feels honored yeah t feels honored that Adam asked him to go and he's like is it cool for me to be here like I know that perhaps some other religious groups would not be super stoked about two dudes showing up together one of them being trans like that may not be acceptable um but it actually a bumer but that's also like such a valid question to ask before you like go up

like before you show someone's religious community yeah so Adam explains that in Judaism there are actually like six genders and trans is like for most people who are active in Judaism it's not a thing like they don't care because it is already established um in their in their religion and um so it's really nice Tate has a great time and is like shocked by it he's like used to a standard Methodist situation and if you've ever been to synagogue it is not a standard

jewi or standard Methodist sort of thing where you sing some hymns and sit down and listen it's very active yes um so he enjoys that uh they go back home for uh sexy times and um Tate's like is this okay on the Sabbath it's really funny and Adam's like yeah yeah it is yeah we can [ __ ] on the Sabbath thanks for asking like he's like well you said we're not allowed to do work I'll do the work Adam's like that's not what that means like like we don't work on the

Sabbath so that we can experience life and all of the joy that there is in life and sex is part of that so thank you for asking but also let's get naked like like no like Tate for your purposes like just put the fridge on Sabbath mode you're good you still [ __ ] put the lights on a timer let's we're done um Adam doesn't practice like that anyway but like you get it so um they Adam decides he wants to give Tate a [ __ ] which is a big deal deal MH and so um so is Tate open to that he is but

when he takes his pants off Adam safe words not like full safe word they use the color system so red yellow green he says yellow and Tate's like [ __ ] like he must be disgusted by me like he starts getting really freaked out um and Adam explains that he doesn't want to do it wrong like just give me directions cuz I want you to feel good um and so Tate talks him through it um and Adam is still in the cage this whole time and is not allowed to come oh gosh um and Tate tells him that they are

going to the club tomorrow and he'll take it off then so it has to be like looser so that he doesn't get hurt um but anyway so they get ready to go to the club can't be a stom sleeper though no ah maybe you can be I don't know anything about this someone please educate me that may have been the most ignorant joke I've ever made and I apologize well I don't know I've just imagining my husband is a stomach sleeper and uh I don't think that would go well no no yeah no okay he has a hard

enough time just finding a pillow that's comfortable as a stomach sleeper I can't imagine finding a okay what a specific instruction when you're like look you're like we need a [ __ ] cage just one that I can sleep on my stomach while wearing right I'm imagining like uh them using like I've seen pregnant women use inner tubes to like put their bellies in so they can sleep on their stomachs I'm imagining that but like with a hemorrhoid donut honestly I should have tried that cuzz

I'm definitely a like side toach sleeper yeah and but there's also on the flip side you can't lay on your back fully right like past a certain uh I I forget I feel like people said it at different amounts but like pretty much like after your second trimester starts it's not ideal to be on your stomach or on your back but then also not like fully on your stomach yeah it was really funny when I would go to yoga classes and like I've been an instructor for a decade so I'm like I

like know like the general modifications but there were definitely things where I'm like okay everyone's on their stomach what do I do like and depending on the instructor because one instructor like brought me two bolsters so my stomach would be like elevated yeah would be in between them other instructors are like oh yeah just stay on all fours instead of like going fully on your stomach right um but definitely things to consider yeah when you are historically someone who loves

to sleep on your side stomach and then suddenly can't yeah that would be a challenge yeah I had a friend she was like that's the first thing I did after I had my baby I just like splatted face down on my bed she's like I just needed to like lay on my stomach and be like I can do this again a sweet relief yeah yes 1,000% so we don't know Adam's sleeping position we do know he's still clock cage so they go to the club um and Adam is just trying to focus on enjoying the

moment because he knows it's going to be over soon cuz we're coming to the end of Hanukkah like this that's what's going to happen Tate has given no instructions that this is going to last past eight days so and Adam said correct this is my Hanukkah experience so they get to the club and Tate has organized an entire Hanukkah party for Adam at the love Tate I know so Tate's like yeah it turns out there's a huge Jewish community that comes to our club and they never felt safe enough

to stay anything about wanting to have a party but they all loved it and we got it catered and it's like it's all decorated and it's just a really really sweet time um so they have a wonderful time with their friends and one of their friends who is at the club and is Jewish has a dinosaur manura that's not in my notes but I remember it like it it important after our previous convers but now I remember it um and so um Tate finally takes Adam to do a scene um he

like ties him up and like whips him to completion he finally takes the cage off it's a whole moment um so one would hope it you get a full moment for that after you've worn that cage for so [ __ ] long 36 [ __ ] hours yes you deserve a moment for that you do you do and he did he got one um and so they have just a great time with their friends and it's just a really like nice moment for all of them and so then um Tate it's the next day it's the day before the last day of Hanukkah um

day seven yes so it well so it's weird because in the Jewish culture it's measured by kns um so Adam doesn't know if Tate meant nights or if he meant the days and so he's like uh should I leave like cuz he like made a whole dinner for Tate Tate's freaking out because he's late getting home he was like making some stops for things for Adam mhm and so he stopped at a jewelry store to pick up a gift for him um and Adam has stopped responding to his texts and he's like [ __ ] [ __ ]

[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] this is not good so he's like racing home and there is a huge mess in the kitchen like huge mess um and he finds Adam like curled up in the bed in the bedroom um and Adam is like refusing to speak to him and so Tate puts Adam in the corner for punishment so I didn't get into it but they came up with their like list of acceptable punishments um and what the punishments would be for got it previously so that was one of them so um after Adam has a

full whole entire meltdown um about you know the last week the whole last week is has been fake he's like please stop taking care of me none of this was real like I need you to stop like I really need you to stop um cuz he's really trying to distance himself at this point he was trying to lean into like this is our last night like let's make it really special and then Tate got late he got in his head and it became a whole thing he didn't mean to make a mess in the

kitchen for the record he burned his hand when he was trying to like get the food to stay warm since Tate was late and dropped it and then was like [ __ ] it like [ __ ] all of this so Adam's having a meltdown I've been there not that exact situation cuz that's a very specific situation specific but like you're you're like you're feeling super anxious you're trying and you're like cool take some deep breaths we just got to get through this like okay we'll make the

most of it and then like one more thing and you're like [ __ ] all of this I I can no longer yep like it's like okay you know what I have reached the maximum of my distress tolerance capabilities but I I can do it I've got it I can handle it and then one more thing happens and it's like that was literally all I had so I'm not going to give anything [ __ ] you and good night yeah so I'm going to go sit in a dark room by myself yes I'm going to lay down on the ground and once I can

re-regulate we can try again but until I re-regulate there's no point in trying [ __ ] right now it will not go how anyone wants it to go nope I will make this worse yes in fantastic fashion like I don't mean to brag but it's gonna be real bad you're like that's not a threat that's a promise baby I will ruin this [ __ ] yes that is me 1,000% yes that's correct oh my God okay so um Tate starts to cry because Adam is like I can't do one more night like I I can't I can't

pretend for one more night and Tate is thinking that Adam has can't prend to be into this for one more night so Tate starts to cry um justifiably so yep and he is like in his head he's like I have to pull it together to take care of Adam like if this is what he wants if he wants this to be over that's okay right um cuz the whole point is for me to take care of him and give him what he needs so if what he needs is for this to be over then like okay so he's trying to pull it

together but then he finally realizes that Adam this whole time has just been thinking that it was a fling because Tate set expectations early so that Adam would know the plan right um but then he never reset them or communicated that he wanted something different and so um which God bless I love this because like literally 30 seconds ago I'm like man all of this could have been avoided with some simple communication but they've been communicating well yes like it's

more of like oh you know now that I pause I realized an important one one important combo was missed yeah one important detail yeah and so that's kind of the whole thing is that like Tate was assuming that Adam knew how he felt about him because he was doing everything he could to show him and he's realizing that because you know there's stuff in there about Adam's past relationships telling him he's too much telling him he's too clingy telling him like all this other stuff

that like he wouldn't have been able to read the behavior like he needed the words yes and so um he uh he has Adam open his last Hanukkah gift that he picked up from the jewelry store Adam's like I don't want a present and Tate's like open the [ __ ] bag like open it just open it just open it it'll click and so um it is a um so in the Kink Community when a sub has been like claimed essentially by a Dom often times they will wear a lock right some kind of necklace that has a lock on it

that can't be removed um to show like ownership essentially and so it's a lock with a pendant that says Little Star on it um and uh well it says Tate's Little Star on it and so Adam's like what what for real and Adam's like yeah dummy like I kind of like care about you a lot duh and so um they agree to be in a relationship for real and they're going to go for it Adam is excited to get reconnected to the Kink Community since he's been pulling away and they're like yeah we're

going to do this for Reales and that's the end what a sweet little story I know it's a very sweet little story but I I just thought about so I read another book recently where this guy is trying to propose to this girl and the ring is in a cup of coffee and she is really that CU that's their thing like they have a saying and so she is mad at him about something and he's like baby just drink your coffee and she's like I need the words man what are we doing here and

he's like baby drink the coffee and eventually she just flings the coffee like out into the yard and her grandma and like her family are standing right there and they're like oh [ __ ] did anybody see where it went and the guy is like cracking up he's like laughing really hard she's like did I just throw my my engagement ring into the yard and he went yeah yeah yeah you did you sure did and that that's the energy is he's like just open it and he's like I don't

want to open it and he's like [ __ ] please just finish the coffee just [ __ ] open it but it is a very sweet story again like there's a certain amount of of authenticity to it because it's obvious this author understand understands the queer community and understands the Kink community and apparently Judaism as well because it's all very accurate um but it's a nice read there's very little angst there's very little like there's no major plot really of like horrible

things happening or any it's just a very nice two people coming together and figuring it out so what's our rating system dinosaur Manas regular Manas lot Keys is it eight Manas that were or eight candles um yeah maybe we just go with candles let's do candles out of out of eight candles out of eight candles placed in a dinosaur manora um I'm going to go I think I'm going to go with six yeah like I would read it again um and it was one that was yeah it was nice it was a

very uh Pleasant departure from the usual Kink and queer romance that I have read cuz it wasn't it also wasn't all about like overcoming the adversity of being queer it was just a relationship cool we happen to be queer Y and this is our love story exactly versus like the focus of our love story is that we're queer right exactly so yeah I would say six out of eight pretty comfortably yeah I didn't read it but I feel I really loved them they were like well I know I said it before do I want

Adam to find a new therapist and maybe um a new medication regimen sure at some level yes and I thought the way in which they engaged the whole time was like so sweet and endearing and like what you want to see out of a healthy relationship yes cuz do you ever read yes you read [ __ ] a thousand books more than I do um but you know like when you're reading a like a there's conflict there's a legit disagreement fight happening that you're like this hasn't been worked through y

but they're like the tension and buildup of a fight and now we're going to [ __ ] and you're like where's the resolution oh I'm sorry I I can't like get there with y'all suddenly being intimate with how that conflict just went down right especially if they don't resolve it after like if there's resolution after I'm like oh okay still not my favorite but I will if we come back around like I can get behind it a little bit more because it's like what uh like this we're just going

to have this fight again yes right so like what have we accomplished nothing yeah when they're like well in this fight we both just realized how passionate we are and then we started making out and you're like no doesn't solve the issue yeah so I I really appreciate that like their approach the whole book was seemingly like hey like let's solve the issue mhm and we'll go from there together exactly and that is just like refreshing as a whole very refreshing I haven't read anything else

by this author but I am going to yeah um I've been reading a lot of very trashy motorcycle club you've been on your motorcycle club for a minute for a minute like it it's like a JS Scott moment there's so much of it I'm just like plowing through it when that's done I will likely read more of Rees Morrison cuz I did really like it fair enough well everyone let us know what how many candles you would like this how many nights of Hanukkah are we making it through in your review

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