foreign [Music] ladies and gentlemen Guys and Dolls and everyone in between gather round something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on cause it's time for smut Club here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna [Music] hey everybody Welcome to smut Club where we talk about the pressure of clapping I hated that yep I'm Hannah and I'm I'm Chelsea I'm sorry so we're starting off really strong we are and to be totally honest that's probably the energy we need to bring to this book review today
I meant to tell you before we started please ask any questions that you have because my outline doesn't make sense because the book doesn't make sense but maybe through your questions we can maybe we can make sense of it okay so my job here is really to help you process this book yes to being a cohesive yes unit of art yeah yeah no pressure so this is a soul to keep by opal rain um it is a monster Romance okay all right so in this like universe that we are in there are demons that eat people and
this girl Raya lives in a village and they all believe that she's cursed because her whole family was killed by demons but she somehow survived so instead of being like Oh my gosh we're so glad that you're okay they were like cursed so it's like a reverse Harry Potter yes like when he survived he's the chosen one and when she survives she's cursed and if that's not modern day misogyny I don't know what it is precisely so there are there's this other kind of like demon hybrid thing called a dusk
Walker dust or dusk dusk okay like like the Sun is setting it is now it's dusk it is dusk with a hard k sorry about the hard K I just really wanted to make sure to just spit a little you're welcome so there are dusk dusk Walkers um that are some kind of like demon hybrid thing and one of them every 10 years goes to he has this rotation of villages okay so he goes to a different village and gets a a bride and then cast a protection spell on the village to protect them from other demons
my my mic just wobbled I didn't even touch it you didn't Hannah can attest the fact that I did not touch it I can't apparently this is just where this mic has wanted to live I moved it up my husband moved it down I moved it up it moved on on its own so this is where this mic lives now and that's okay it is okay well that's nice of him to cast a protective but where what happens to the wives that's a great question so no one knows [Laughter] great question no answer so
every 10 years he shows up at a different village and gets a new bride and there are all these like urban legends essentially about where the bride what happened to the other Brides but Raya has been voluntold by the village that she's gonna be the bride this time and she's like honestly I don't want to do that but also I don't really want to live here because it's sort of like a full Amish shun like they don't acknowledge her existence and if they do they just throw things at her or like
you know like they make it really difficult for her to live yeah she's like I mean choosing the best of two bad options is really where she's at right being a monster bride could ultimately be be a better life she's like well maybe I'll just go with him and then run later and start over in a different place where nobody knows that I'm like cursed or whatever maybe it'll be a really nice like Sister Wives situation and she'll become besties with all of the other
Brides that could be but that's not what happens so the dust Walker version it he he shows up it's a whole thing um he so it goes back and forth between her perspective and his okay so um she uh nobody has ever like she's like 26 I think and nobody's ever really touched her or interacted with her like in any way since her family died and so she is resentful understandably she's pretty angry but apparently demons can smell fear and so when the dusk Walker shows up his name is Orpheus
when Orpheus shows up he's like she doesn't smell like fear that's really weird um because fear makes him hungry and he eats people so oh but is that this is gonna be a weird question is that the same as being sexually attracted to them or fear just makes him hungry and then he eats so it's not like a weird situation where it's like that he gets like horny based on the fear he just gets hungry he just gets hungry okay and like flies into a rage and just starts eating people
well so this is actually a best case scenario right we love this we do and he's like well okay I guess she's coming with me that sounds good so he cast the protection spell he has like an Antelope skull for a head okay and he doesn't have eyeballs who needs him he has orbs that glow different colors based on his mood his like standard is like a light blue color glowing orb does she have a color key to his mood ring eyes she does not she will eventually start to piece it together
got it um so he's like super tall he's wearing human clothing human type clothing and she's like I guess we're doing this and he's like come along and just like starts walking through the woods and she's trying to keep up with him and really can't um because she's in like a wedding dress and little slippers in the snow trying to like run to keep up with him the The Village put her in a wedding dress to present her to him thank you you could see it on my face I could yeah you're like
like they were like hey this monster bro is going to show up any day now so here's a wedding dress to just really signify that you're the one you're the one yeah okay and they presented him with other options too because they were like he might not want the cursed one she's cursed after all and he was like no I want that one so it was a whole thing that I didn't feel the need to go into detail for but you know that's fair so um his whole thing though is that the bride
has to be willing they cannot be coerced and so he's like asking like are you willing before he takes her and she's like yup sure am I'm totally willing The Village leader is behind her like giving her like this stink eye like don't [ __ ] this up for us um and so in orpheus's perspective he just wants companionship he's just super lonely he's been alive for hundreds of years and he's just like I just I just want somebody to come hang out with me like that's literally it
but all of his his offerings in the past because he's had both male and female Brides offerings whatever they will either try to run from him and get really scared and then he eats them or which he feels super bad about he's a very weird juxtaposition because he has the most like cinnamon roll energy ever but he eats people and so it's a very difficult thing to get around but he feels really bad that he's eating all these people right so um or they try to run from him and he
has a home that has all this protection around it they get outside the protection and then other demons will eat them and it like really upsets him every single time so he's like I may not so he hasn't wanted to have to replace no bestie bride no um and so he's like you know I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this because this is really [ __ ] depressing like but I don't want to be alone so I guess I'm just gonna keep doing it and here we are here's Raya let's let's go I guess so um
she keeps falling trying to run to keep up with him and eventually he just like Scoops her up with one arm he's huge like Scoops her up with one arm and like covers her with his cloak to like keep her warm and she's like well that's kind of nice and like falls asleep because he's like rocking her essentially while he's walking she falls asleep a little bit um she wakes up it felt really safe well apparently we're really tired it had been a long day um so she wakes up at one point because
he starts like snarling she's like the [ __ ] is that these demon Hunters show up and they're like finally we're gonna kill the dusk Walker and he is cursed apparently when he gets injured he will also fly into a rage so they shot him with an arrow or something and he lost his [ __ ] mind and um one of the she's like oh awesome like can you take me to a new Village she's like demon Hunters don't seem so bad let's go and one of them is like your bait [ __ ] shut up and she's like nope I
didn't like that like that's not how I thought this was gonna go so Orpheus eats all of them and she starts running from him and then she remembers that earlier he had said something about he likes the chase like or whatever so she's like what would happen if I just stop so she does she just stops and he like tackles her his eyes are bright red and he opens his his Jaws his antelope jaws and basically puts her entire head in his mouth and she just starts laughing and he licks her face
and he's like you don't taste like food she's like okay I'm glad yeah I mean how do you how are you supposed to take that I don't know man when you're you've been told that you're food yeah and then he's like ew well it wasn't you it was just like a huh you don't taste like food he didn't seem disgusted he just was like I don't want to eat you I stand by my ill because quite frankly if I am about to Chow Down on someone and then I go oh that's not food ew it's really more how I had that in my
head I'm comfortable with that we could stick with it um so after all of this um he uh he picks her back up they walk they go to What's called the veil which is where all the demons live so they get to the veil and he's like you need to be silent because if any of the Demons know there's a human they're gonna come at you so be silent don't move she's covered by his cloak and he's like none of them are going to approach because they're terrified of me because I will [ __ ] a demon up no
problem because he's basically indestructible because she had been all worried about well you got shot with arrows like Let Me patch you up and he was like well that's super cute that she wants to patch me up I'm I promise I'm fine but it did nothing yeah um apparently they heal within 24 hours so whatever injury a dust Walker has pretty much of any kind will heal automatically even if you cut their head off their body will grow back in 24 hours so how do you kill one
by cracking their skull we will eventually learn that that's the only way sorry to it's a crush a skull to take that from future you it's okay it doesn't it's not a big reveal you know so um he's like it's endearing to him that she wants to take care of him so he's like well that's really sweet um but he they get back to his home and she's thinking he's gonna bring her back to a cave or something but he has a really cute little cottage and she's like oh oh there's like a vegetable garden oh
there's like furniture and a hearth for her to cook on so I am a little you said that it wouldn't make sense I'm tracking and he seems so endearing he is really endearing and honestly maybe it's that okay total honesty I did not want to outline this book like deep within my soul I didn't want to do it so take a sip of alcohol I will I will do that thank you for take an alcohol thank you for inviting me to do you've been talking so much you haven't had a chance so
I looked everywhere I could think of to find an outline for this so I didn't have to do it because we'll get to the part that I really didn't want to deal with but I was like I'm just I looked on Reddit I was Googling all kinds of [ __ ] couldn't find anything I downloaded nor no less than four [ __ ] AI Bots to outline it everything I've like just wanted to see if you're at GPT could like outline a book for me it'll say it's the title and author and it is always the wrong book correct yeah
so I was deeply disappointed by that but most okay I should take it back the story does largely make sense it's the details of it that are like um okay uh I actually really liked the story it was just some of the details were like why did we we made a choice but why was that the choice we made I see you know yeah so she gets to the house he has all these like little Trinkets and stuff hanging up and like Circles of stuff on the ground and it's all protection for for the home from the demons
um and um she's like super confused that he has a house so she's like what the hell is this and he's like oh I had a companion about 200 years ago and she wanted a home and so I built it for her and she's like oh what happened to her and he's just like she's gone I ate her no it's worse holy [ __ ] it's worse to me I think it's worse was worse for Orpheus but um so um he's very particular with her like do not go outside these boundaries like don't touch the little like charms and
stuff don't do anything like just stay safe um but he's like obviously she's not scared of me but she doesn't like me either like I don't think that she's gonna stick around um so she tries to run she doesn't make it far because demons um he gets her into the house and um he fills up a bathtub with his blood I see the pivot okay yeah no keep going so he he like she describes he like cuts his wrist and like starts bleeding over the tub and does some weird chant thing
and then the tub fills with water because he's Magic and he's like you can't drink this but you can bathe in it and she's like okay well I'll take he he pulled a reverse Jesus I guess but it wasn't wine it was blood right yeah a reverse Jesus with a different liquid yes correct yeah don't drink this water though it is of my body don't drink it this really brings us back to that what would ill what would your communion yeah what would your communion be if you were a deity oh so
she's like okay well thank you like I'm really excited to take a bath and he's like no you don't understand I have to bathe you and she's like no I don't think we're doing that like thank you so much for offering but I can bathe myself he's like no you don't understand you have human smell all over you demons are gonna be like beating down the door essentially I have to do a spell over you while I bathe you to hide your scent and she's like no I'm not doing that and he's like super
adamant about it so eventually she gives in he leaves his gloves on the whole time he's super respectful she's like this is the weirdest [ __ ] thing that has ever happened to me and I don't like it this is the weirdest she's had a lot of things happen to her and not saying that when it's normal it's more she's like waiting for him to do something like she's waiting for him to like eat her or touch her in a way she doesn't want or something and he's just really sweet the whole time yeah like
it could pivot but at present I feel like I'm [ __ ] with Orpheus yes I do [ __ ] with work he is actually super duper sweet he's like out here trying his best and wants to be seen and known in love like all beings do right not humans like all beings they just want to be seen and known and loved yeah like Brandon us my sweet dog precious boy I was a couple drinks in I'm about a week or two ago and started crying to fans about how much I love our cat and then I was like Vance he's the
longest relationship of my life which is true yeah because I've had Craig just turned nine earlier this month and I've had him since he was a kitten so yeah I'm like he's the longest relationship of my life and Vance was like don't you love Brandon and Craig equally and I'm like almost equally yes I was like but there's like a point zero zero zero zero one percent that like Craig edges out just because like he was like he was my cat before I had Brandon you know what I mean yeah he's
the ride or die I get it yes Craig is my little red or die literally he rides around on my shoulder and it happened again we were in another work meeting like a really serious like all of the higher ups like our chief medical officer everyone is on this link [ __ ] Craig pops up on my shoulder and even our chief medical officer oh a cat okay like yep yep this is Craig yeah um but no I bran although like Craig is my red or die I do feel like Brandon wants to be
seen and known and loved more than Greg once that is accurate just when he leans on me it makes me feel really special it makes me feel seen and he does that little thing where he like rests his like he nuzzles with his chin yeah which is really saying something because he's a pug so he doesn't have a lot of chin or job I have to work with he is using what he has and we can appreciate that he just does this little like chin rest over like he'll do it on the couch on your shin when he's sitting
between your legs and it's just the purest moment my pit bull does that she'll like come over and lay her head on my shoulder and I'm just like yep I'll die for you absolutely yep yeah yeah well also when I had those few drinks and I was telling Vance about how obsessed I was with my cat not a YouTuber um she is hairless hey hey is hairless his name is Greg my husband just walked into the room as I made that too um my husband was like so I know you really love Brandon and Craig but just to be
clear should there ever be an emergency you will say Ford first right I was like yes honey I'm not a monster I'm going to save my human child before I saved my cat I was like however in a perfect world I'm a superhero and can save all three in a perfect world Vance would be paying enough attention that he could get the kid and you can get the cat right and like we will both be present and we can help each other out if it is just on me My Hope Is I can save all three yeah absolutely
but Vance was like okay I just needed to like make sure he's like I just needed it he goes I just needed to hear the words from your mouth that you would save forward first I'm like what do you think of me I was just like what he's like you're a great mom what are you talking about I was like did you actually think it needed to be said he's like Chelsea I don't think you understand how emphatically you were talking about I understand yeah I do you feel the same about your pets I do I do Fred
is absolutely the best thing that's ever happened to anybody ever and so that's that's that yeah Fred I know precious how are Fred's meds doing lately Fred's meds are good Fred's meds are good she still smells like bacon bits and she's just living her best life she fell off of the windowsill into our bathtub in our master bathroom so now we don't really have a tub in our master bathroom anymore because my husband filled it with blankets and an old egg crate and pillows so that when
she falls because she's a little bit high on phenobarb and Gabapentin when she falls she will have a cushioned Landing [Music] I know also I would like to go back really fast to the hairless cat joke I made because I would like to be very clear that that is Craig's breed type he's like Devin Rex I do not shave him um you didn't try out one of those at home laser treatments on him no although my parents do buy me one of those every like couple of years for Christmas
and by every couple years it may be like once a decade but they've definitely bought me two different more than one foam laser everything first I remember they bought me the first one over a decade ago I was in grad school but I remember it because it just it singed your hair with the leather and my roommate came in and she's like why does our apartment wreak a burned hair and I'm like I don't know I'm so sorry I did it I didn't know that was gonna happen we couldn't get the smell out for like a
week I was like I'm so sorry Lauren I had no idea that is a really bad smell yeah yeah and they bought me another one I think in the last year or two and then by the time I was like maybe I'll try this I was pregnant and it was like the box was like we cannot State clearly enough do not use this if you are with child huh I was like I have some questions about if I should be using it without child right I'm saying I'm gonna google that later I have questions yeah yeah I I apparently have
more questions than I realized I didn't know I had them until this moment okay so they're doing the bath blood to water bathing ritual thing um so lots of little things happen where they're like after this where they start to get to know each other a little bit better um she he has like her own little room set up for her um he uh gets her she he has stuff in the house for her to like sew so she can make some clothes for herself and like her little garden she said she wanted to eat in the garden
in the sunshine because it doesn't the sun doesn't shine as often in the veil as it does in the regular world and so she's like well when the sun is out I'd really like to be in it you know and he's like okay so he builds her little table outside so she can eat in her garden and I know like he go he leaves her for a couple of days to go hunting and like bring food back for her and all this stuff um and she starts to see like different colors in his eyes and she's starting to
like connect things so she asks him to teach her how to make the charms to protect the house and he's like you you want to learn from me like nobody's ever asked that and she's like you've been collecting Brides for 200 years and no one has ever asked to learn that's dumb well maybe if they had she wouldn't be there because they'd be alive maybe so so they do all of that she makes him like little decorations for his antlers like with some of the stuff that they're making
charms out of and so his eyes turn like bright yellow which apparently means he's really happy um and she's like well that's super cute um so uh they are getting to know each other a little bit more he explains he's hungry all the time like he's never satisfied even after he eats um and like she she's really confused about why he takes Brides in the first place and he's like well the only way for me to be satisfied for me to be full is for a human to give me their soul
and I've I've given up on a human ever doing that now I just would like someone to hang out with me like that's it um and so she's really like softening towards him will it kill the human no the human will have eternal life do they share the soul so he doesn't give her any more detail he doesn't seem to know how it works this is the first time I'm annoyed with you I know he doesn't seem to know how it works either um I mean to his credit no one's ever given him their soul before so how would
he fully know he's like do I hold it I don't know yeah I'm like maybe we could strike a mutually beneficial deal writer right um but he doesn't even approach that like he doesn't ask her he he just tells her the information um so he he's continuing to protect her super sweet um the baths have to happen like either once a day or once every couple of days I don't remember um and so they wasn't a one and done no so they start to get more like sexy time-ish oh um where he's just lingering a little
bit longer and things like that and she is excited by that she's like am I attracted to this Antelope headed person I've never seen his whole body I've never really seen any other part of him but also if she was cursed this is probably the first time someone has paid a lot of attention to her Doodles and bits yep so I can't remember how it all exactly happens um but at some point she like goes into his room and he doesn't have a bed he has like a nest in there that he has
made and um she sees him with his [ __ ] out and it's huge and has some Frills on it though that's the word not like decorations no I I was imagining like cilia like little hairs kind of that's what I imagined when it said frills I was thinking of the movie Office Space with all of the Flair the flare the pieces of flares when you said Frills I was thinking his dick has a lot of flair because it it also has tentacles so she so it's like wrapped in tentacles he has a seam
as we have seen in other of the Monster books I have reviewed he has a seam and the his dick comes out of it but it's wrapped in these tentacles because apparently the a I'm I'm gonna stop doing emotions the air I love that you just actually sat on your hand his dick doesn't like the air and so so the tentacles are like protecting it or whatever so I like wrapped around it but then she goes to touch it and the tentacles like hold on to her hand and she gives him a
handy with his tentacles all up in her [ __ ] and she's like well this is interesting and he fingers her at some point or something does he have human fingers no um the way you thought that was like oh damn no I thought we were gonna skirt past that one he has retractable claws so she's like freaked out like please don't slice me up like oh God yes which is a valid fear um and we learn that as after the sexy times begin um and they continue to get to know each other we learned that he
dusk all dusk Walkers are essentially born as Darkness like they're amorphous little dark things and once they start eating they take on the characteristics of whatever they've eaten so the first thing he ate was an antelope so that's how he got the skull yeah so then he she sees more of his body he's got like fur on it and some feathers and some fish scales somewhere he's like a little collage yeah so these are all the different things he's eaten and then he he explains that
the first time he ate a human was essentially an accident because he didn't have any intelligence he was just an animal essentially so he just happened upon a hunter in the woods ate this human and started to gain knowledge and empathy and emotion and understanding and so he continued to eat humans to build his intelligence and to become more human essentially huh so um you are what you eat is how it how it all works yeah so I'm just imagining being the author
of this book and being like how do I make you are what you eat but sexy but is it sexy I don't how did you feel when reading about the tentacle handy was there anything about it you were like oh this is intriguing or were you like this is something that I'm reading very clinically it's more it was more like um watching a nature documentary was it intriguing yes did I have questions also yes was I into it no I'm like okay yeah um so I also speaking of Nature Documentaries oh no
why no no no I don't know because this book is it stresses me out so a long time ago when Snoop did Pleasant at Earth I showed it to my father who still thinks it's one of the funniest things he's ever seen and tries like we'll just add like like he thought plazan at Earth was a really funny title and I think maybe at least once whenever we see my parents he makes some sort of like trying to like make us like a turn of phrase or like a play off of it but like my dad really [ __ ] with Santa
and to be fair I like it more than most major documentaries I would agree it's all about the narration and I feel like they're like we we got this really Regal sounding narrator David Attenborough yeah I'm like cool and I'm just gonna doze off while I walk like yeah but when Snoop does it I'm like I'm invested I'm engaged all the way yes yes absolutely yeah so if you haven't watched planet Earth maybe not 10 out of 10 would recommend but did it start as a Kimmel bit I don't know
I don't know very unnecessary tangent here but that's okay just processing out loud I can appreciate that that's what most of this is for me right now is trying to process out loud okay so we learned that you are what you eat he yep we are and then um he there's a demon Town that's like further into the veil and he is gonna go there to get supplies and stuff and she wants to go with him and he's like absolutely not like it's really not safe you can't come okay and another dusk Walker shows up
and he is clearly less he's eaten less humans than Orpheus he doesn't have a name and he's like will you give me one and she's like no I don't think I will give me one why a name oh he's she's like I don't I don't think so but like that's really important that should be somebody who like who you really care about should give you a name right and he's like also cinnamon cinnamon bun energy where he's like wanting to touch her and stuff not to be gross but he's just super curious
because he's never been this close to a human woman before and so he's like got all these questions and as soon as she's like nope nope don't like that he's like okay I'm like his eyes turn pink like a reddish pink color which apparently means they're embarrassed and he's like I'm really sorry um and then of course Orpheus comes out and is like I will literally crack your skull don't ever touch her again like get away um but this little demon is like well I want
I want a companion too will you teach me how to build a house and Orpheus is like no I will not do that and Rey is like Orpheus like go help him come on so he takes this other desk Walker they go to get supplies um I'm glad he's helping him I honestly got a little sad for a second well Orpheus was like Rey is my focus I'm not I'm why would I no you're very dumb I had to figure it out on my own I'm sure you can get there like well you had to eat a lot of humans and you can help him and save human
lives exactly just saying Orpheus don't be a selfish dick he's not he does help he's not I just I just want everyone to be successful we just want everybody to be happy yes oh and I forgot in all of this Orpheus is also training Reya to use a sword for protection um okay which is really nice um so yep yep yep um okay so okay he goes to the demon town he helps the other dusk Walker he comes back Raya is adamant that because he can't his dick is so big he can't get all the
weight in her and she's like but they've now tried yes okay and I mean they they've been successful he's just not fully in like it's a partial situation for him she's full up but got it that I was actually wondering that I was like is that I was like would more Lube help or does she just her little human body only has so much room to give right okay so she's like you know I'm like begging him essentially like I want I want all of you I want all of you and he's like I
can do that but it's gonna It's Gonna Change you and she's like do it like I want you to do it and he's like are you sure he's like super big on consent this whole time is like are you positive are you really sure she's like yep so while they're banging he digs his claws into her belly for like his whole hand and literally rearranges her guts so that his whole dick will fit okay took me a second I've processed I accept we can move forward yep yep yep yep so after that he like and even before
he can't stop touching her he wants to be banging her all the time he's like super obsessed with her and eventually she's like Orpheus babe I need a break and he's like oh oh so you you don't you don't want to like you just had to tell me like we don't have to like I'm really and she's like sweetheart I literally need a day for my body to just rest for a moment that's all I'm asking for like I'm not saying I don't ever want to have sex again yeah just like we've been having sexcation yeah
non-stop Non-Stop please give me a moment and he's like oh are you hurt and she's like no and he's like well let me take care of you and he's like making sure that she's okay and like holding her and you know he asked her to teach him how to cook for her um so that he could make her things and all that stuff it's very very sweet and he like immediately switches to caretaker mode um which she's like I'm kind of regretting that I told him I didn't want to bang because this is doing it for me so
eventually more stuff happens this book is over 500 pages by the way which is why I'm like skipping some things yeah okay so I'm pretty sure I'm hitting all the major plot points but I'm skipping some things because it is 500 pages here's the thing if you miss a major plot point I'd never know good point so don't put that much pressure on yourself thank you because I will never know because I'm not gonna read it I probably am not going to pick this one up when there are seams
involved when they're a sexual scenes it's I'd say that's more your book energy than my book energy I did I don't read a lot of Monster books and I feel like I've read one or two but I feel like it's more like I'm like I'm like dipping a toe right in the monster water sure right yeah where I'm like oh if they were still mostly human that would really help me conceptualize as I'm like testing out the waters I can understand and then I think some of the Monster books
that you read and review are just fully sending it so when we talk about them I'm like oh I don't know if I'm ready for that I'm like oh I need to be eased in yeah yeah I understand I mean it's kind of like when you're reading a like reverse Harem and you're like we're just gonna start with three dicks like we're gonna build I read one book and there were seven up for them and like and I feel like three of them had P names and I just kept confusing all of them and I'm like there's too many
what did I read the seven sins of snow I think was like a snow white retelling where there were seven and I was like what is hat like I can't logistically and just I can't keep track of where all the dicks are yes you know like it's too much to track at one point you're like did I count eight right like wait where did that one come from or one shows up and you're like I forgot about that one holy [ __ ] like quite frankly the thought of being personally responsible
for the pleasure of seven dicks is exhausting yes and I'm not saying if I weren't a kept woman but like that's a full-time job kind of I'm not working if there's an expectation that I'm sexually pleasing seven men because you know what I'd like to think that their incomes combined I was gonna say able to like I might be able to be supported yeah because yeah I'm like there's there's just not enough of you to go around right and I like read one of these books and this house out here
like seven dicks deep bacon cakes being like the town healer and I'm like girl you are doing the most right now too exhausting truly like when do you sleep right I would be in the bed at all times like you know where to find me I understand my job but this is where I live now well but also it seems like every time she would go to sleep she'd wake up with someone in her bed touching her no stop touching me and I feel like there would need to be two I would need
two bedrooms right I did like this is the bedroom that just has an open door policy right and this is the bedroom where I actually sleep and if I'm in that bedroom don't touch me I need actual rest yes seven dicks is just so much if you're interested in reversing your room we do recommend starting with three with a book with three otherwise it's too overwhelming we've also talked about this before but reverse Harem always makes me laugh when it's like the college or like yes I'm
like what all of these like 18 year old high school students or freshmen in college completely ripped full tats here's dicks like come on now come on laughs okay so back to the monsters clearly it's easier for me to wrap my brain around seven ticks than it is with a sexual scene honestly I don't know which one is more mythical or unlikely an 18 year old with the kind of sexual prowess we read in some of these reverse harems or um sexually confident women you will
ever is this like 18 and you know I I should have been more sexually confident when I you know but I'm like all of you are just I was like we we grew up in very different households if you are this sexually liberated I mean good for you yes it's like [Music] I was like I don't know also you like your body just doesn't have enough holes or hands you got some feet oh I'm trying to be like now I'm using well but if you're using your feet wouldn't that make it more difficult to
use the holes you do have yoga but I do feel like both feet would have to be for one right yeah we've we've topped out at six yeah yeah you're like I've got three holes two two hands and one foot hybrid I mean two feet for one dick though so right right six technically does your body have other holes yeah none that will not not that are gonna be used for anything but what they were designed for originally but what the Lord intended that's the line okay but what the Lord intended
okay on that note where her guts are rearranged yep yep okay so that's where we are her rearranged guts yep so then they have to go back to the demon town she begs and bags and begs and finally Orpheus agrees to take her um it takes a few days to get there he carries her most of the way it's very sweet um they get there and she's super overwhelmed because it's like a little city and they're just all these demons walking around and what are essentially human clothes and Street vendors selling
human meat and she's like what the [ __ ] is happening right now well Orbeez didn't want to take you yeah there was a reason uh she's a little overwhelmed um and then um Orpheus keeps like panicking that the demon king is going to see her or find out about her and is he not allowed to have a human companion so he is okay like the demons can essentially do whatever they want for the most part but he's worried because the Demon King hates the dusk walkers because
he's trying to build an Army and the dusk Walkers all refuse to be a part of it and because they're essentially indestructible The Demon King doesn't know how to kill them he hasn't found a way to do it and so he is just pissed that he can't control them so he's worried that the Demon King will do something to Raya out of spite um so she meets some demons who are really nice um there is a giant white owl that is following them around and like leading Reya places
um leads her to a bookstore it's a whole thing um apparently the white owl is like a friend protector of Orpheus she's the one that taught him how to plant the garden and stuff so Hedwig yes she also can transform into a human though so okay well maybe less like Hedwig in that regard yeah but um I stand by it yes and he um yeah she showed Orpheus um a lot of what he knows about humans about how to plant the garden and what they need and that kind of stuff um so then Orpheus
they finally get home they get their supplies I'm sure there's other drama um they get home and Orpheus shares the story of the original woman that he built the house for and he explains that he really he really loved her a lot he thought and that's why he built this house for her but um she was always really miserable and only ever wanted material things from him jewelry and whatever and he did everything that he could to keep her happy and they were together for five
years but then at some point she left him for the Demon King so he shares the whole story and then Reya starts crying and he's like what what's happening why what's happening and she's like I'm just so sorry that happened to you and he's like you're crying for me and it's this really sweet moment where he's like you do care and it's a nice little connection that they have um I feel like she had children she cared before that I think that he was afraid to believe that because he
believed it about this original woman and then she like really destroyed his heart and basically told him he was a monster and she never wanted him to touch her and like all this other stuff and he does reveal I can't remember when he reveals it but he reveals that um he had never had sex with any of his other offerings until Reya um we just had to rearrange her guts we just had to rearrange her guts yeah I don't know why the other ones weren't more open to that
I do I very clearly do that was me making a joke but absolutely [ __ ] not if my organs have to be rearranged yeah is too big it's too much commitment um maybe if we've been married a long time and it's still an ongoing issue right we haven't found a workaround I don't know if we're getting to marriage yeah yeah okay sorry I'm just what happens next um so she's very touched that like he hasn't slept with anyone ex other than this other original woman he hasn't had
sex with anybody in like 200 years so um she's like oh maybe that's why he wants to do it five times a day every day forever basically uh so some more time goes by more Sweet Moments between them Orpheus goes to get her some water that she can drink and cook with because the the blood water the blood water won't do it um and so he leaves her at the cottage and then the Demon King shows up at the cottage to take Reya away and um Raya does try to fight him but
he's the Demon King he's the Demon King he's still very early in her training correct okay and so she's unsuccessful so when he's on his when Orpheus is on his way back he can smell the demon king and starts to flip the [ __ ] out and so he's like running around looking for her I can't find her um and so um he's like well maybe maybe she left me like the other one did maybe maybe everything was a lie maybe she didn't really want to be here and then he's like wait wait wait no she kisses me the
other one never kissed me she holds me the other one never did that she smiles at me for me not just when I give her things like she really cares about me she wouldn't have just left me um and so he loses his [ __ ] and starts running back to the demon city so the Demon King can teleport um his name is Jabez um Jabez can teleport and so she's transported back to the castle and there's this human woman there and um she's like this human woman is like you're free now we've set you free
you're gonna be okay the nightmare is over and she's like what the [ __ ] what is happening right now like no I didn't get my guts rearranged for nothing to not get [ __ ] down by Orpheus every night get your head out of your ass random human lady right that's not no that's not why we're here so she's like clearly I'm not safe clearly these people are [ __ ] nuts so I'm just gonna play along here and like Orpheus will come for me so the woman is like well come here you
know take a take a bath you know wash off that disgusting spell that he put on you like blah blah blah and she's like how does she know so much about him hmm weird is it the original it is so she um doesn't give her any privacy really after she gets out of the bath and so Reya is like going to get dressed again and the woman is like staring at the scars on her belly from where he um rearranged her guts and um she's like I knew it I knew that you'd had sex with him and she's like
what are you talking about and like trying to cover up as quickly as she can and she's the woman is like totally misreading everything and she's like you don't have to be ashamed of what he made you do and she's like what are you talking about like she's like no this isn't like a Stockholm no like I asked him to do this I don't understand and she's like well I get it because it happened to me and she like lifts her dress her name's Katarina she has the same scars and she's like and now the
only person that can even sort of maybe get me off is Jabez because he has a huge [ __ ] but no human's ever going to do it for me and even with Jabez it's pretty [ __ ] hit or miss at this point so she's like I'm she's like really I'm sexually frustrated by my own choices basically she's like so I'm really sorry that you're gonna be stuck [ __ ] demons forever because like you're never it's not going to work with a human anymore she's like perfect because I want to keep [ __ ]
my demon literally the whole point here so um Rey is super confused and she's like how are you still alive that was 200 [ __ ] years ago and apparently she made a deal with Jabez for him to keep her alive so um she yeah she really believes that she's doing Raya all kinds of favors like she really thinks she is um and then Reya realizes Katarina was so like basically full of herself and just kind of a [ __ ] that she never communicated anything with Orpheus because she's like
oh he forced himself on me all the time and Rey is like did you ever like let him know that you weren't in the mood or did she ever say no and she's like I couldn't say no like I did like pretty regularly he was cool like he just made me soup right like if I said I didn't want to [ __ ] he'd be like okay here's a present like honestly right right she's like okay whatever you say um so um apparently Katarina and Jabez have been watching orpheus's house for quite some time they
can't see inside but they could see outside and so um yeah so I covered all this except the demon king is half elf so he's half elf and half demon and he's from A Different World okay because he's a hybrid his home world was like they hated him there and so he opened a portal took a bunch of demons with him so that he could grow their numbers and their strength and then go back and take over his home world so he has all this magic and stuff because he's half elf
which is why he can teleport and all that other stuff um so essentially they took Reya to get Orpheus to the castle because Katarina part of the deal she made with Jabez was that um she would be allowed to kill Orpheus someday once they learned how to kill a dusk Walker she'd be allowed to kill him and so um really it had nothing to do obviously with rescuing Raya it was about getting Orpheus to the castle so um Raya stands up and is like absolutely not like he's he's kind and caring and you
guys are [ __ ] nuts and blah blah blah and Katarina gets pissed and she's like well here's what we're gonna do I was just gonna go ahead and kill you but now you are going to watch while he picks me over you you're just a cheap replacement for me anyway like he's been looking to replace me all these years blah blah blah so you're gonna watch and then we're gonna feed you to him and then I'm going to kill him like she did like a whole villain she really covered that whole monologue
full villain monologue about it so um then uh we flipped Orpheus he's super confused super upset and he's terrified of what's happening to Reya while he's not there so he gets to the castle he finds Katarina um Katarina tells him that Raya agreed to be her replacement for the Demon King so that Katarina could go back with Orpheus she's like I know you've been wanting me all these years and Reya made that possible for us also that's not the same as him choosing no so no no no
um so he's like he feels super betrayed that Reya would do that and then he's like so but did she I need to talk to her like I'm not interested in talking to you I need to find her so then Katarina gets more and more angry and breaks one of the little like decorations that Reya made for his antlers and so he loses his [ __ ] he's like Rhea told me she'd be really upset if they got broken or anything happened to them and Katarina broke it like why would you do that like he's really upset
that Rey is gonna be upset like that's why he's mad um so then um she suddenly appears the Demon King had had her cloaked in the room to watch this whole thing so um he couldn't or if he's couldn't see her smell her so she suddenly appears because apparently she nailed him in the seam which is the same as nailing him in the balls to get him to let go of her so that she could run after Orpheus so she's like sprinting full force at him and she looks really angry and he's like she must be really
upset about the Bell from my antler he's like oh no but it turns out Katarina is behind him with a knife and she was about to crack his skull but I forgot to mention they kidnapped another desk Walker and like figured it out at some point yeah you kill him tortured him repeatedly until they figured out how to kill him so she um tackles Katarina to the ground then Orpheus fights Jabez Reya fights Katarina big fight scene um lots of things happen eventually Reya kills Katarina and
um Orpheus tells the Demon King he's like listen we are evenly matched like it's not gonna happen you're not gonna kill me clearly I'm not gonna kill you I want to go the [ __ ] home I'm not interested in doing this anymore and just let me live in peace bro right like I have no desire to lead a revolution I just want to go home so um Jabez is pissed and he's like listen your human killed my human unfucking acceptable so Orpheus had been like scooping Raya up to like leave with her
and sets her down because he thinks Jabez is gonna like teleport at him again so he sets her down so he can be ready but instead of teleporting he throws the knife like into Reyes back and um he the Demon King's like fair is fair [ __ ] mine's dead yours is dead but you better hope she dies really fast because with all the blood she's bleeding your hunger's gonna come out real quick I'd really hate if you hate her while she was still alive what the [ __ ] like ew wow wow horrifying
he doesn't sound like he should really be leading people no he does not sound like a leader of demons as I say leader of men but he's not no no yeah it seems like he has some selfish motivators that are not for his people no no he clearly doesn't give a [ __ ] about a single person ever so um yes Reya is dying she's like on the ground bleeding a lot um and he it's so sad he's like begging her not to leave he's like you promised you wouldn't leave me like you promised
like please don't and she's like not really sad that she's dying because when he had told her about eventually like through all this she'd been like do I want to give him my soul she's like I don't really want to live forever I don't really it's not that I don't want to be with Orpheus it's that I like I don't particularly want eternal life it hasn't been great up to this point like yeah I'm not really interested in prolonging it but she's like man I really don't want to leave
him like he's gonna blame himself and he's you know she's like you'll find another you'll find another companion and he's like but they won't be you and they won't make me Trinkets and they won't and he's like listing all these things about her and she's like um she declares her love um and so she's not dying that quickly no but it's happening with a quickness now that she's like declared her love it's like really happening so then she's like you know what how do I give you my soul and he's like
you just have to want to and she's like okay well I do so [ __ ] what now like I'm bleeding out [ __ ] like moving along so there's this whole thing where she feels this burning in her chest and this like light comes out of her and she like holds it up to Orpheus and he eats it UPS why do you seem so confused about that Hannah well well because she's confused about it and then she's like she's like of course he ate it he eats everything like as she's dying so she's like taking her
last breaths and she's like of course he [ __ ] ate it and she's like well I guess it didn't work because this is me I'm out I'm really sorry like she's like apologizing to him and she dies and he's like holding her it goes to his point of view he's like holding her in his arms and he's like no no no no like I did what I was supposed to do you're supposed to live forever now like what the [ __ ] is this and she like turns to Ash like in his arms and he's like holy [ __ ] like
oh God and so he's like losing his mind so he's like well maybe maybe she's not dead like maybe she's still alive somewhere like I have to go find her so he like searches the whole castle The Demon King is heckling him and he's like I will literally [ __ ] kill you get away from me I have to find her so he's running through the woods he goes and checks his house and she's not there and he's everywhere and he can't find her but he can sort of smell her sometimes
and like sort of thinks he can hear her voice and he's like I'm I've gone insane like she really is dead like I've gone nuts but of course she's not dead um um how long was she gone like um it seemed like it was a day or two okay um so she comes to with Orpheus kind of like over him while he's running through the woods and she's like this is different and new I am a ghost she's like hold on because she's like holding up her hands and she's like well I'm I'm translucent which is new
um and she's like yelling for him and he clearly can't hear her and she's like well what the [ __ ] like what this is not gonna work and she's like I really wish I were solid again and then she becomes solid again but he's moving so fast he's like gone in the woods and so some demons show up and eat her because he took off and doesn't know that she's there so she comes to again over top of Orpheus and she's like well that was a super unpleasant way to die like
cross that off my list of things to do in the future because that [ __ ] sucked don't want to do that again so she like comes in front of him to where he can see her ghost and he's like but this isn't you're not supposed to be like this how can you be with me if I can't touch you like like I want to cuddle like what are we gonna do and she's like I need you to take me home and he's like but you're not at home like your body's not at home I already looked and she's like I know I
understand I need you to take me home it's not safe for my body here I need you to take me home and he's like okay fine whatever Sprint's home to their Cottage okay she becomes physical again and he like loses his mind he's like he is crying she didn't realize he could cry he's like leaking blood what is his blood essentially from his little eye sockets um because he's so upset about everything um and um then she he wants to like hold her and feel her and all this and she's like I don't
I don't want this like I don't want you like this she's like so you're gonna have to catch me and he's like what the [ __ ] are you talking about I don't want to chase you and she's like but I want you to chase me so she just goes incorporeal over and over again every time he catches her she goes incorporeal until he gets really mad like he gets really mad his eyes are bright red um and she he catches her again and he's like I've got you and she says if your dick isn't immediately in my
[ __ ] it doesn't count and goes incorporeal again eventually he catches her they bang it's super violent um but she's into it that's what she wanted um he's still trying to hold back because he doesn't want to hurt her and she's like what do you not understand I literally can't die like [ __ ] go for it like come on now give me those crab claws which he does so yeah immediate regret on your face immediate regret on your face yeah so then it's very sweet he takes care of her he
cleans her up they go inside they bang again but with her on top and they had never done that before he's like well I've never done this before with anybody ever and she's like great well I'm excited I'm gonna I'm gonna leave out some of the details because just because they don't that yeah it's a safe space to leave out details I don't I don't think we need them they don't need to be said but like his tentacles hold her while they bang and she's like can you not do that well I'm trying to
ride you because it's like inhibiting a lot and he's like I I mean I can but I really don't like it so she adjusts so his tentacles are holding her ankles and She Bangs him and there's lots of Declarations of Love everything's amazing and then he's like after they have their sweet solidifying [ __ ] and everything he's like will you make me another Bell for my antlers and she's like yes of course I will um so honestly that's really it the owl shows up again at some point to explain that she's
actually orpheus's mom which is weird um of course obviously Antelope headed man mother uh of course and she's like um you better get him to do a spell so that you don't get pregnant she's like I can't get pregnant we're not the same species and she's like well you couldn't get pregnant before but you're a phantom now so she can she has two forms you're a phantom now so you can so you may want to figure that out um which is fun thanks owl mom appreciate it like should I call you mom
owl mom what what do you prefer um so yeah that's really it and then she he offers to go back to the Village to like kill all the people who were mean to her um and she's like are you going to eat them and he's like well I could but that that will change me and she's like no he's like well maybe she maybe she doesn't like me maybe she wants me to be more human and she's like no we should give them to the other dust Walker he's very stupid and could use a little bit more humanity and he's like oh
I really love that that came full circle so that's what he does he goes and he he kills all the people who are mean to her so that's the book there is another one that follows the Dumber dusk Walker um so huh yeah seems like a perfectly fine monsters my book it's the eating people like like I'm sorry it's it's the eating people it's really hard for me to suspend belief the eating people seems tentacles Frills okay not Flair not Flair but like the eating people was just
okay it was a central theme and there was like a constant threat that if she got scared or got her period he was gonna eat her because the smell of her blood would be too much but look at all that they overcame to be together you're right they did yeah okay so rating system ratings go I don't know antlers cinnamon rolls cinnamon rolls Bells we could do Bells we could do Bells um total transparency I gave this book one star on Goodreads right after I finished it because I was so like
what the [ __ ] we're just we're just gonna end with him giving humans to his buddy to eat that's how we're gonna end and humans that had it coming I mean our an argument could be made Fair um but yeah total transparency I did do one star and I think I think that my my review was something about like why are we eating so many people it doesn't matter ironically the way in which you reviewed this book verbally right I would have assumed it was a higher rating so I liked the story a lot like the
story was really interesting it was like a Beauty and the Beast thing a little bit um and I did like the story but some of the details were just like like and I think you left out some of the the details right so I think that's why I'm like oh it's not that bad and you're like but it's really the eating people Chelsea and I'm like they didn't eat that many people and you're like oh but they did there were 500 pages there was a lot yeah there was a lot and I I left
out some things and some things in the sex scenes were like oh no [Laughter] and I have I you know I have read some monster smut that's not the issue clearly I was just like what no I don't I didn't like that um so the story itself the storyline itself I really liked it was just some of the details took away from the story for me okay um so one star was probably a little bit harsh well but if it's like Liberty Bells like those are very large Bells true and he is a large man are these
more like hand bells like little like trinkety like well they were like like Jingle Bells were what were on his antlers okay um so I could do I would give it if I could separate the ratings into like the story and the the details okay it would be the story would be like probably a seven and a half out of ten I really liked the story damn okay but the details of it made it like a two and a half out of ten so if we split it I guess five out of ten I was gonna say four out of ten four
five four and a half sure so we'll we'll bring it to like two out of five two out of five we can do two and a half out of five if you feel better eat between a two and a two and a half Jingle Bells not Liberty Bells is where we land on this one yes um let us know your thoughts let us know what you'd like us to review next don't forget to like And subscribe and tell all your friends and tell all your friends and we'll see you next time smart [ __ ] bye y'all bye
that's it for this week's mud [ __ ] we hope it was good for you because it sure was great for us if you're digging what we're doing it would mean a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and review the show wherever you're listening right now maybe tell that sexy someone Linda senir we love you we appreciate you we'll see you next week stay spotty [Music]