foreign [Music] ladies and gentlemen Guys and Dolls and everyone in between gather round something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on cause it's time for smut Club here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna hey everybody Welcome to smut club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea how are you today we want to know we too we're curious how are you yeah just you know we never hear from you [Laughter] we do we do sometimes hear from you and honestly it's our favorite thing when we hear from you
and that's how we found this book yes that is actually how we found the book that we are reviewing today it's called under her Authority by LT shade um we're just gonna jump in so this one you're taking the lead and you're the one who read it yeah you take the lead you'll have to tell me after if you also want to read it or if me reading it was enough for both of us um just based on that don't make any decisions okay okay okay no no no you you don't know yet okay okay okay I mean
I think I know exactly how you're gonna vote but just don't be judgy you haven't even heard the review I'm pumping a break I was judging based on your judgingness but I will pump the brakes all right when I was in grad school um there was like a a family Fall Festival and they asked him asked me to be a judge for the children's costume contest oh no and I went absolutely I love judging people and they thought I was joking and I'm like no this is really where I thrive
and that's that's some [ __ ] for me to process through in therapy because like my mother has straight up said she's like yes I'm critical it's my thing so like I know where I get it from and sometimes it can be a plus and sometimes my husband's like you need to take a deep breath because everything is fine and you notice all of the tiny details and everything um so yeah the my Baseline is probably judgier than the average person I would say and I'd say we're working through it but
if you can't fix it feature it and that's why we have a podcast yes okay so we have the book under her Authority we open with rose rose she is young she is super successful she's been working in Texas for the last several years um and her fiance Simon cheated on her with a co-worker ouch yes so um things did not end well with her co-worker or his co-worker her co-worker yeah um things did not end well at her last job kind of because of how this all blew up and so she has taken a job as a
marketing director at a startup back in Charlotte and she's from just outside of Charlotte North Carolina but she hasn't been back in eight years um which more will unfold there but she's also kind of like yeah I mean like I have this marketing director title which is awesome for how young I am and like maybe I can leverage that for something else and she's like but it's at a startup so it kind of feels like it means less than if it was is somewhere more established
um and you know I think it depends on the startup but she is flying back to North Carolina for this job like it's not like she left Texas with things like not going well but it's not I wouldn't say she left like disgraced right maybe that's just me um we need Rose's Family there's just like there's so many Southern stereotypes um and a lot of like so many similes and like so many like I don't know just like you and I have grown up in the South Hannah and just
like all of those that you're like do people actually say this [ __ ] or is that just like how people speak when they think of someone in the South yeah we had to a grasshopper and like [ __ ] like that and you're like right right okay more nervous than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs that kind of [ __ ] yeah jumpier than a virgin at the Prison Rodeo what I think that one was from Golden Girls I was gonna say I haven't I don't recall that one but that does sound like Blanche
I I mean I have heard people say [ __ ] like sweating like a [ __ ] in church yes definitely I've heard people say that I told my husband that I think I want my next tattoo to be a Golden Girls themed tattoo I thought you were gonna say something about a [ __ ] in church and I was like whoa I was about to make such a mean joke I was like oh just a picture of your face and then I was like holy [ __ ] Chelsea but I felt like you'd appreciate it I did appreciate it oh my God that's amazing
see this is where my judging is it's a problem it's not a problem I'm crying but like tears of laughing yes tears of laughter that was [ __ ] awesome oh my God okay so you should totally get a tattoo on my face you should get the guy who did stevos to do it for you on um the on season I think 13 of Ink Master there was an episode where they could tattoo anything they wanted and one of the guys was like I'm gonna tattoo Jimmy snazz one of the other contestants on
The Show Who's like always wearing these like funky patterned bell bottom pants and these like leather tasseled vests Jimmy snazz has a very specific energy about him but they were like he's like yeah I'm doing a Jimmy snez Gremlin tattoo what something crazy like that and I was like I appreciate that they said you could tattoo anything you want and this man said challenge [ __ ] accepted like I will I will yes so we meet Rose's Family got it very stereotypical Southern very
stereotypical Southern um she doesn't tell them that things have ended with her fiance because she's really embarrassed and so she's just kind of like oh yeah I moved back because it's a great job opportunity and like we're working things out and like like but like it doesn't say a word to anyone um and then we meet her best friend Olive as well that is my dog playing with my cat um thanks Brandon thanks Brandon and Craig also for y'all who will have to post a
picture at some point on social media of our of my pets so that you have some context Craig is a six pound predominantly hairless Devon Rex cat like he's not threatening no she's precious he's precious he likes to perch on my shoulder and meetings he's like a little parrot and Brandon is like a 30 pound pug and the way Brandon runs from Craig you're like bro like I think the problem is Brandon will like swat at Craig um and he's just kind of like flailing when he does it and Craig
has fewer hits but far more accuracy that makes sense yeah he has a larger Target in fairness you know that is also true he does have a larger Target um but no like Craig Will likes it like if like on a couch and if Brandon is walking Underneath Him He will just like to the top of his head and then Brandon's like what happened I don't what oh Brandon we love Brandon he's we do such a derp um so yes we also meet Rose's best friend Olive um who's going to be her new roommate
and all of this flirting with Rose's twin brother Holton um who's also like a local police officer but like it's kind of weird for Rose because she's like I haven't seen a lot of them in person for eight years if they didn't come visit me in Texas because she has some trauma related to North Carolina um so that night Olive and Rose are like we gonna go out we gonna have a blast Oliver's like I bought you this sexy ass outfit put it on they get ready and they go out
plan to get laid like that is the objective I'm like you know you're not bullshitting yourself yeah we know what we're doing here yes so they go out to this club they're separated I don't really know what happens or how they get separated um but Rose goes up to the bar to get a drink there's this dude Devin who offers to buy her one and she's like okay yeah sure but every time she checks her phone Simon her ex-fiance keeps calling and so she's like [ __ ] I guess I like
she just called like five times in a row I guess I should take this so she tries to go find a private place to like take this phone call and enters a private room that has like a no entry sign so she goes in this room that has like a do not enter sign on it or some [ __ ] like that and walks in on a super hot dude getting a [ __ ] from a girl girl that I think might have a blindfold on I don't remember it doesn't matter it doesn't really matter um she's just standing there then like
watching this scene that she walked in nice and she's like he is hot and this is hot and I am aroused um and I like her phone rings again or something like she makes eye contact like the dude like is very aware of her in the room but then the the girl who's giving him the [ __ ] is like what was that he's like oh just my phone don't worry about it and so then she like takes off yeah like he sees her but she escapes um she gets back to the bar feeling aroused kisses Devin
okay yeah and then but she's like I'd feel bad sleeping with him since I'd be thinking of [ __ ] man that's what I'm calling him because we don't know his name we just know he's hot and was getting a [ __ ] so she's like uh I I can't I couldn't sleep with him I'd feel guilty about it but then we're like where's Olive Olive left her for a booty call ew yeah like Olive's like I don't need to find me some strange at the club I have a booty call that I can go hook up with is that her brother
maybe maybe not honestly at this point I don't really know the brother does play in in the future but at this point I'm like I don't know nor did I really care fair enough yeah that's fair yeah um but she doesn't know where Olive's car is downtown like Olive's like yeah I left for this booty call take my car I don't know something like that there might be details that clarify this there might not be um is this user error or is this author error who can say a little bit of both um
yeah so she's like I don't know where her car is and I'm just in like [ __ ] downtown Charlotte in my little hoochie mama dress like yeah downtown Charlotte's not really the the nicest area last time I was there it wasn't the safest yeah I'm like I feel like people are like it's North Carolina how bad can it be pretty [ __ ] bad guys yeah I'm like there's a lot of places that I'm just honestly most places at night if I don't know where I am it's a no yeah it's just not my thing um so then
hot [ __ ] guy shows up Suddenly and like sees her wandering I don't whatever and he's like hey why don't you come to this bar with me and and she's and then he's like you're buying his payment for this show I gave you earlier like something like baby boy you didn't give me a show the girl on her knees gave me a show you were just present you participated you just stood there like yes um but like rose won't tell him her name and she's like yeah that's not important you don't need to know this
so they get to the bar and um [ __ ] man's cousin owns it okay um and he teaches her how to play eight ball I don't know it's like every stereotype of a man teaching a woman how to play pool pressing up on her back and yeah all the innuendos putting her hips oh yeah all of the building tension all of the sliding it into the hole I don't know um and she keeps saying like I'm not gonna sleep with you like this isn't going anywhere um but then as they're talking he's
realizing like they have a lot in common they both work in Creative Marketing and he's like no this girl's like super hot and I'm into her like I know it kind of started weird but like I think I kind of like her um he doesn't tell her his job like his full job he just kind of says he works in like the creative industry as well um but we do learn he's former military we also learn he's been burned by like a previous romantic relationship which is why he just like tends to sleep around
at this point so he can't be hurt again we're covering a lot of ground here I feel that's a lot of information to share I think well I don't actually know if the previous relationship thing was mentioned or that was just like in his thoughts but we do you do learn like they have a conversation about him being former military so if I'm remembering correctly she like asks about one of his tattoos and it was related to a dude that he'd served overseas with got it um they end up closing down the bar
together and he helps her find her car um and then it asked because this entire time she's like yeah I'm not gonna sleep with you I'm not gonna sleep with you and I wanna I'm gonna flirt and have all these in your Endo jokes the cool game but like so but it goes from like not gonna sleep with you not gonna sleep with you he helps her find her car they end up owning back at his place nice um have this like incredible mind-blowing sex she has four orgasms get out it
yeah I do love whenever but like when you're just like I'm like really really yeah I feel like when you pick up strange at a bar that the chances of it just like hitting off like that are pretty slim unless we're having a lot of communication well um I was watching The Tick Tock recently of like a couple of comedians talking and one of them was like yeah like I mean I can count like on with my with my hands the number of times I've gotten a woman off and the other dude was like what are you
talking like every time and they're like wait every time and he's like I mean like not with a hookup but like with the person that I'm like in a committed relationship with that I'm married to like yes their pleasure matters and then other guys were like wow huh Jesus Christ yeah and I was like I can't tell if you're joking right now and I'm terrified you're not and I do think that's one of the hilarious things about smut is I'm like there's there's so many orgasms that
just like right you're like is I I guess that's why we read it right to escape to hope that one day we too can have that many well I mean I guess but like it's also just that they don't know each other like I would believe it more yes if it was an established relationship and they knew each other and could communicate and knew what the other person liked but otherwise it's like [ __ ] like no she didn't no she didn't it reminds me of you remember um How I Met Your Mother the show yeah
um there was that one episode where I don't remember the context at all but whatever her name is Lily was like yeah don't worry about it College Lily thought those were orgasms like yeah I remember like that's what I think of I'm like oh she thought no that's super valid because that like I'm like I don't know I feel like until you end up like in an established relationship it's always a even if it's good it's still like a little clumsy yeah like it's never gonna be like the
best sex of your life no it's with a one-night stand we're still learning each other we don't know what the other person likes and like what they don't and and yeah like you don't know so she came four times yeah so hypothetically wink wink she had four orgasms um he wakes up the next morning and she's gone she left a note that just said like I had a good time oh he also like he was calling her PT for peeping Tom because she never told her her name so like she may have signed it like had
a good time PT or something like that um and he's like what no like I really liked her and I can't believe she left like this like what the [ __ ] and then he's like wait is this how women feel when I do this yes dumbass yes it is and while he still doesn't know her name he decides he's going to track her down because he's like no I like her I want this I want her I want more opportunities and how are we doing that well that's the end of the book so who can say stop I'm totally kidding
um I'm gonna be like well it was enough Ella and see the next morning so Rose actually had to get up early because the next morning her brother was coming over before his shift to help her move in all of her stuff um so she gets home she clearly looks like she had fun she then is in the shower masturbating thinking about how fun last night was the four orgasms weren't enough this is more evidence to my theory she thought they were orgasming exactly um but like while her brothers helping
her move she starts to have like this like flashbacky moment about the fact that she like hadn't been back in eight years um and we learned that like there's some sort of trauma stemming from a camp that she used to go to um when the dude is now Behind Bars we don't know all of the details but like you can kind of start to assume there's like like a sexual assault or something of that capacity but like it's not like fully fleshed out for you at this point got it um but like
her brother and best friend are like very sensitive to the fact that like they like see that she's like going into a slightly darker space and they're well because she's like looking at her brother and I think she's like mid-20s right like mid to late 20s I don't fully remember but I'm like okay well if you haven't been back in eight years like if you left when you were 18 to go to college somewhere else yeah and so her brother I mean that's a lot of life that your twin has led right
where you're like oh man like I haven't been here for it I've missed a lot of so but like I haven't been back because of all of this stuff and it was too hard for me and blah blah blah um so after that Rose ends up going to brunch with her friends honestly her it just felt like some 13 year old girls giggling over some boys like I was like what I don't I don't know I love a good day drinking brunch as much as the next toe sure but like is that what all of us sound like and we
just don't realize it I like to think we're slightly better well I don't know what do they sound like like I literally just put they all sound like they're 13 and annoying um I mean I don't think that we sound like that but other people may have differing opinions yeah well so her phone rings and it's Devin from the bar last night calling to ask her out for dinner that night um but like when he calls and she answers because she's like telling her friends like about like they were like
either she told them or like Olive her friends know she got laid and they're like oh like how big was his dick and so when she picks up the phone her friends are like cat calling and shouting in the background like is that big dick from last night yeah and I'm like no the answer is no we're not like that like that is not us thank you for the validation no um and so she's like what not so like she's trying to get up and like not be on the phone in front of them and suddenly his
oh his name is Shane big dick from last night his name is Shane Shane is suddenly at the restaurant uh and awkward well he's like she's well and she's kind of like how did you find me and he's like do you not like the club is like a block like my cousin's bar is like right there like do you not recognize that you were in the same part of town and she's like I don't know I just moved here I have no [ __ ] clue and he was driving past on his way to go hang out with his cousin and like
saw her on the patio and was like it's fate so he stops um right and well there's no there's no stalker in this one that's uh that's fair I can appreciate that um I can appreciate the lack of a stalker although as we discussed in our previous episode I don't know that he earns points because he's not a stalker you know hmm if they were actual orgasms and he showed up I don't know does that change it Maybe well so he essentially is like yeah I drove past and saw you on the patio and
like had to stop because you snuck out and I didn't get your name or your number or anything um and so he's like come out to my car so we can talk so they go out to his car he fingers her but like takes her underwear and then it's like you'll get these back tonight when we go out and then my notes also say the word labia is used twice technically the word labia ends up getting used like three or four times and I gotta say it's a boner killer like there's nothing sexual to me about
the word labia being you like I'm like there's nothing erratic arousing about it I'm like foreign if anything it automatically douses whatever bouncing energy fire was building is dead now so Smokey the Bear has done his job he doesn't need to be concerned about a forest fire Smokey the Bear is just going around Whispering labia yep you nailed it yep the new only you can prevent forest fires campaign well and so like rose is like I didn't move back to my friends I I came back to
like Salvage my career I don't want to like be like she's like I don't want this to be a thing with this dude like I'm I'm not gonna see Shane anymore so she has agreed to this date with Devin but then Shane also thinks that they have a date that night and Rose is like I'm not gonna do this for my own mental health and well-being no which also further Evidence they weren't real orgasms so she said no to Devin or she agreed to the date she agreed to the date with
Devin and then when Shane was done fingering her and took her underwear he's like you'll get these back at our date tonight so did she agree to go out with him I honestly don't remember but in her heart she didn't I don't know what her words she said yeah she's like those are not my favorite underwear thank you and good night those were the laundry day I moved this morning underwear um we all have those right we really do am I wearing mine now I was gonna say I may be wearing mine now actually
um as she's getting ready for her date with Devin all of is like really pressuring her about Shane because she's like what aren't you into like he seems really nice he seems sweet you had great sexual chemistry also apparently she's as her doctorate in Sex Therapy I don't know if that was the actual title maybe it was like she has her doctorate in Clinical Psychology and she's a sex therapist all of his yeah like her best friend but I was like in a way that I'm like
as someone who works in the Indigenous she actually because I don't feel like she is was kind of how I felt reading it yeah um but as Olive as like kind of putting this pressure on her about being like okay but like why don't you want to like go out with Shane because all these things seemed great it's like bringing up some [ __ ] from her assault trauma and she's just kind of struggling and um Rose doubles down on like not seeing Shane again so we cut to Shane Rose has
not communicated this wishing she just stands Shayna at the restaurant yeah and he is to use your wording big mad about it he is real unhappy um and he's like is this karma from all of my man whoring kind of like energy um I mean probably kiddo well unlike he like stays there for an hour and he's like no one makes a fool of me and then as he's leaving like the hostess propositions him and he takes her up on it good for him you know she left without he still doesn't know
her name at this point he still does not know that her name is Rose yeah okay kiddo yeah like maybe you shouldn't be that mad she didn't even give you her [ __ ] name like how could you expect that she's gonna show up yeah I'm like you don't have her name I don't think you have her number maybe you have her number and it's under peeping Tom I don't [ __ ] know but like she's clearly trying to put out a vibe that like yeah she's not into it yeah although I think she is into it and she's just like
standing in her own way from her previous experiences well I mean she can be into it physically and not be into it mentally and emotionally yes very valid um but I think she may be into mentally and emotionally as well maybe maybe not who can say so it's now roses it's Monday it's Rose's first day of work we learn her date with Devin was a disaster he like tried to feel her up under the table was hitting on the waitress just like she's like yeah you know I'm just gonna
focus on work like I'm not I'm gonna avoid men just gonna focus on work and um she's getting a tour of the building and they're like here's your office um like it's they wanted to surprise you with it like whoever's giving the tour is like oh yeah your office was supposed to be this nice reveal because they like made it nice for you or whatever it's like don't tell anyone I'm like showed you your office first or what I don't totally remember um but she's like in her office filling
out paperwork but no one knows she's there outside of the person who gave her this to her and as she's sitting there and her like doors crack she overhears her new boss talking to an unknown co-worker the new co-worker is like when the bosses you just hear him kind of like oh like like you hear something about the unknown co-worker hooking up with someone last night um and I don't know it's all a little fuzzy um and then they start talking about Rose as the new co-worker
um and then the boss is like yeah she's the marketing director um and the unknown co-workers boss um and the unknown co-worker is like what the [ __ ] like I'm not gonna like report to some chick with big tits because she punched someone at her last job like no like I'm just kind of making these comments and like there's like a lot of like sexist pushback things like she's my boss and title only yeah the line was I'm not gonna work under some crazy chick who punches her
employees when she has bad cramps nice yeah and she's just like sitting there listening to all of this oh um and she's like I that's not what happened that's not the context but apparently everyone here already knows like I'm just I want to salvage my career and her new boss totally vouches for and is like that's not what happened don't be a dick don't say that um and you don't have to like the decision but you do have to deal with it and she is your new boss so suck it yeah suck it
um so then Rose goes to the conference room to meet the executive team and surprise the unknown co-worker who was like saying like I don't want to work for some chick who had bad cramps is Shane oh what no one's not coming no oh my oh my stars and so like Shane is like oh my gosh and Rose just straight up pretends she's never met him I love that for her yeah she just like during the introductions she's just like oh no we've never met my name is Rose or like her full name is like Rosemary
or something like that and she's like it's I go by Rose like some and he's like I finally know her name too bad you're a douche a little a little bit but do two is actually super into her so he is oh well then it's okay he's working through his own [ __ ] they both have [ __ ] that they're working all right all right I will trust you Hannah you work out a residential treatment center and your husband thought you were a patient the first day he did yeah he did oh memories memories
love six years ago things can Prevail they can yes but he wasn't a sexist douchebag he just you right he saw a random girl walking and assumed she was a patient because she didn't have an employee badge did you have purple hair then no okay I have purple hair now I have purple hair now hey there's my puppies we'll get you right back to the show in just a moment but first do you like us maybe even love us cause we sure love you if you do love us don't tease us don't
listen to those ratings and reviews wherever you're listening right now maybe even send us over to a special sexy someone that would enjoy getting smutty with us because you know the first rule of smoke Club is to talk about smart Club all right I won't keep you any longer let's get back to the show thank you well yeah and honestly like I'm when I read that and I was like if I read that I wouldn't like Shane either no like not cool not okay um does he end up kind of redeeming
himself sure but like made it a rocky start we also learn um a little bit further on that like well she has been put in this role of Shane's boss Shane is like a co-founder of the company what like he like put in a bunch of funds and like started but like they were like no we need her for like whatever so like yeah it didn't fully make sense to me if I'm being honest but it was one of those where I was like you know I'd feel a little salty if I was the co-founder
of a company and then someone was like this girl's your new boss and I'm like what like I don't know it doesn't excuse the douche comments right um but it makes more sense why he's not yes but more open to having a boss yes so there's a little bit more context to it um Shane is then in a meeting and he's just like super distracted because he's like I finally know her name and so he goes to Rose's office and like excuses himself from this meeting that he's distracted and really like not
helpful at all um things start to escalate he like pushes her up on her desk and like pushes her like back down like on her back on her desk and like things are like starting to get sexual and then her boss knocks on the door and calls a meeting um and so she's like yeah I'll be right there and then Shane's phone rings a minute later because it's like oh now his lunch and he's like oh yeah no I was at lunch I'll be right up um for the same meeting that they are now going to which word yes
um and so then in this meeting there's this really big pitch that they're doing soon for this like huge client that would like be a huge win for the company and Rose starts piss like pitching it or what she wants to do and Shane just like is like shutting it down and like you know like kind of think he's just like being an [ __ ] um and then he's she's kind of like I mean like what do you know and then you find out he used to work for the other company so he actually did have knowledge and he's
like no like that won't work that won't be late like they want more and she's like well I've been doing research and blah blah blah and he's like well I worked for him so let me tell you it's not gonna be enough um but they have five months to work on this pitch for this presentation that is a long time to be working on a pitch I think I felt that way I've never pitched a project of that size though me either Vance you're sitting in the room is five months a long time to work on a project
pitch it's just the pitch not the project itself okay long but not totally implausible God it sounds like my prom night hey yo got it so a major major project which that sounds like it is supposed to be um but Rose is also like if I can nail this pitch then I can leverage it and I can leave this company like it I just came here to kind of Salvage my career so Flash Forward it's now like four weeks later Shane is real sexually frustrated like he's real into her he's
seemingly keeping his dick in his pants since he boned the hostess the night that roasted him up um and he's real frustrated and he's at his like at his cousin's bar for like two hours in the middle of the work day just like playing pool very like frustratedly is that a word I don't know but I'll give it to you okay in a frustrated manner yes he was playing pool in a fresh and a sexually frustrated manner how does never mind I was gonna say like how does one play pool in a sexually
frustrated manner but I think I answered my own question in my mind as I was asking it so I'm good well I also if I'm remembering correctly like his cousin like says Rose's name and Shane's like how did you what and he's like you've been mumbling under your breath for two hours dude like wait we we see you're frustrated um and like rose calls him and is like you need to get back to work like where the hell are you and so he's like oh fine like my boss is calling me so when
he gets back to the office they're like where's Rose and they're like oh yeah she left like 10 minutes ago to like go grab lunch or something so she wasn't even there when he got back um that makes me like rose even more if I'm honest well so then Shane is like I want to rile her up and get a reaction out of her so he takes her panties that he still has and hangs them on her office door on the outside the outside of her office door oh my God yeah so then Rose when she gets back to
the office is all kinds of pissed and goes to his office to confront him um they almost kiss and then her phone rings and like breaks the spell um and if I'm I think it was like Olive saying that like she needed to get back to the house or something so like rose gets home and all of his like yeah we I was trying to call you several times Simon is here like you're ex-fiance that your family thinks you're still with is here he's out at your family's place we need to go oh no yes
so they drive out to her family's place and it's honestly weird to me because Simon's not there to get her back Simon what is he doing checking on her because he hasn't heard from her at all um but like he says some like shitty things because he's upset that he hasn't heard from her and that he still cares for her even though they broke up but like kind of like like he said something that was like like I haven't loved you since like the second time we [ __ ] or like something
like that we're like he was essentially saying she was always pretty checked out of the relationship so like what relationship was it um like the way he said it and just like communicated it was shitty but I'm also like Texas to North Carolina is a really long what like I'm like you're not trying to just to check on her right because she wasn't answering her phone I mean and if he knows her family to be able to to go out there to their home why wouldn't you just like text her
brother or call her dad like why go all the way out there physically yeah so he starts saying some shitty things Colton her twin just goes up punches Simon straight in the face good for him um but then like Holton is really pissed that Rose didn't tell him that her and Simon broke up um and then he like makes a comment about like he's like we like we all get that you needed to leave after your assault but like like we still want to be a part of your life kind of like confrontation
um but we learn in this exchange that she was assaulted by like they said a guidance counselor but it was also like a camp counselor and I was like I never got a guidance camp counselor or a camp guidance counselor well I find that people often use the word counselor very interchangeably so maybe it was a camp counselor I got more of the camp counselor energy yeah because they kept saying like Camp until they said guidance counselor and I'm like wait what who um so she was assaulted by a camp
counselor guidance guidance camp counselor um a camp guidance counselor an authority figure yes and an authority figure um but then when she was at the ER she lied and said she like didn't remember who it was um but within a few months later he assaulted another girl who didn't survive and she died and passed away and so Rose has all of this guilt that if she had spoken up and stepped forward that this other girl would still be alive so Rose has all of this like
self-imposed pressure and weight that she's like I need to live for both of us like I need to live this great life makeup for that fact um like Holton storms off Simon leaves rose has a breakdown in her mom's arms and it's like I didn't want to disappoint you guys and like because this isn't part of the plan to live a great life for me and this other girl yes um but then Rose goes to like find Holton and apologize and hears him with olive like catches them canoodling his
hand is under her skirt something like that like and we love a good canoodle we love we love a good canoodle um and then Holton tells rose that he is in love with olive and he has been for like a long time and like they had been seeing each other then Olive had gone to like visit Rose in Texas or something like that and then came back and like called it off like I can't do this like I can't lie to like something of that capacity so then Rose is pissed that he
lied because she's like you just got on me for telling you for not telling you my fiance and I broke up but then like you've been in love with my best friend and like decided not to tell me yes um so Rose is super upset and she is like I need to get the [ __ ] out of here but olive was the one who drove us out here and I don't want to get in the car with olive right now either so she calls Shane and is like can you come get me does is Uber not a thing I mean it's pretty like apparent I don't
know I didn't recognize a city name I don't know if I don't know wherever it was seemed like it was more rural like it was like an hour and a half or like two hours outside of Charlotte okay so that would have been a big yeah big Uber but it's also a big thing to ask a co-worker that you [ __ ] and then blew off that you've like had this budding friendship tent sexual tension yeah that's a big favor to ask yes person but okay so she calls him yeah she calls him
um and Shane like here's how out of sort she is when she calls us like he like drops everything to go and pick her up um he pulls the car over at her request um I'm like they start like she starts like making out with him and Shane is like hey let's put pause on this um you were not in a great place I'm not trying to take advantage of you like I want to be here for you but like crying women aren't my thing I don't know that was my wording not like it seemed like he was actually
trying to be sweet and genuine and be like right trying to be a gentleman about it yes like she's clearly not in a good space I'm not going to take advantage of that right um more than crying I'm not into crying women that's just me being an [ __ ] um so she he's like what do you need and she's like can I stay in your guest room for the night like I don't want to go back to my place because she lives with olive um and so he's like yeah absolutely so she gets back to his place
um she tells him everything like tells him about her assault tells him about [ __ ] with Simon tells him about Colton and Olive being in love with each other or at least her brother's in love with her um that's so much to tell a co-worker I I think they're trying to get out of co-worker energy and into romantically interested energy it still has so much to tell someone that you're romantically interested in that you blew off on a date and [ __ ] once you're right I'm like I'm concerned
about our emotional boundaries I'm concerned about more than that um and then he tells her about his abuse um I think his his dad was really abusive he has some family back down in Georgia um and he kind of like made it out but like he doesn't go like he's close with his like siblings I think um they have a pillow fight like a light-hearted pillow okay right yeah why wouldn't they what a segue um then they kind of they stay up all night talking um and she falls asleep in his bed
um and he wakes up to like she's having like a like a nightmare nightmares like flailing crying and so he like sues her back to sleep um but then like he doesn't go back to sleep until like the sun is creeping up because he's like is trying to make sure that she's okay um well that's nice right so the next morning Rose wakes up they're all cuddled up um she starts like fondling his chest a little bit while they're like cuddled up so they didn't bang that night no okay
okay they just like just the pillow fight and they had like an emotional breakthrough talk um learned a lot more about each other stayed up all night talking and just like fell asleep talking yeah and had a pillow fight important um she's fondling his chest the next morning I put he wakes up and keeps the sensual cuddle Vibes going so we're just continuing to fill each other up a little bit yeah um but then once again I think he's like yesterday was a lot so he kind of
suddenly pulls back and he's like let's get you ready to have breakfast with your brother like I think he's trying to be a gentleman but like she's kind of confused by she's like wait what okay um so Shane drops her off for breakfast meets her brother kisses her forehead goodbye is just like being a stand-up dude why did you make that face that kissing like forehead kisses are cute I'm getting they are but like I could see how she would be like oh I told him about all this trauma and
stuff and then he kissed my forehead and like stopped me from the sensual cuddle sash like oh like he's not into me because I'm too much well he also kissed her like he met her brother and was like it was in front of her brother that he like oh it was in front of her but he met her brother then like kissed her forehead as he was like leaving okay I got it I got it I missed that bit I was like oh but no in front of her brother that's cute I was like why do you look I'm like oh like I was
like what did I miss and then I'm like wait I'm the one who read the book you are and thank you for explaining that to me further I appreciate it anytime um so she has breakfast with Holton they kind of clear the air he asks for her blessing with olive um because he's like Olive won't Olive won't say yes to dating me if like she thinks it could be a wedge between y'all so like I really love her I've loved her for a long time what can we work out here right kind of yeah so
um now it's been several months that have gone by they are still working on this really big pitch um we also learned that the guy that they are doing this really big pitch to who used to work with Shane recently had very public issues with his partner um who co-owns the company or something of that capacity go business partner and romantic Partners yes but it will also kind of impact how the pitches are judged um because it's going to change who's on the panel for the pitches got it um
while they're working on the pitch Shane gets Rose to take a break and there he like he's very outdoorsy and they have like a ton of space and their office warehouse space whatever so he like teach it reminds slash re-teaches her how to ride a bike I know everyone's like it's like riding a bike but I'm like this [ __ ] needed some reminders so fun fact do you know how to ride a bike I don't so I don't want to ride bike the look on my husband's face right now I
just like looked over and he's like go on he said just like Snapped up so I just never learned I never learned how to ride a bike um my mom fell on a bike with my older sister when my older sister was an infant she had her like in one of those little carrier things and fell and after that refused to ride and then my dad's work schedule was really weird um he worked in entertainment and so he wasn't around a ton during the day or on the weekends and so I just never learned my mom refused to
teach me my dad wasn't around so like I never learned so my cousin started dating this guy I am one of the youngest of all of the cousins um so most of them are significantly older than me my dad is the youngest of five okay um significantly and then had kids a lot later than them anyway so um one of them brought home a guy um super super sweet guy and he found out when I was 15 on our family reunion vacation um that I I didn't know how to ride a bike so he rented a bike specifically to
teach me like he was so distraught that I didn't know how to ride a bike he made a point of teaching me how so he did he taught me on the beach when I was 15 how to ride a bike so I could go on a straight line and I was at the beach at my family reunion this past weekend and I was talking to my cousin and she was like do you remember that time that my husband taught you how to ride a bike like that was when I knew that I was going to marry him I was also like oh they ended up together I love
them they did they did it that is a that is a sweet like oh I knew it was when he was like went above and beyond I'm pretty sure that was the trip that he proposed to her on as well um I think I mean you're gonna make a great impression of the family unless you break a bone right you know but regardless he was very very sweet taught me how to ride and she was like do you remember that like literally this was like six days ago she was like do you remember that I was like I do remember
that I have never gotten on a bike since then please don't tell Paul that like please don't tell him please don't tell him and she was like I would never please also don't tell him and I was like deal she was like you did such a good job though going in a straight line I was like I did and when I tried to turn I almost died but I didn't tell Paul that and so I don't I don't know that was like 16 years ago potentially a few more do you have any interest in relearning none whatsoever Fair none
whatsoever well I also feel like you're like it really hasn't impacted my life at all not in the least I've not missed out on anything like and you know but you know yeah so I hope Paul doesn't listen to this shout out to Paul honestly I really my favorite part of this story is that like Paul ended up marrying into the family and that it was like and he was really sweet I was like yeah I think was I a flower girl I don't remember you would have been an older flower girl I don't remember
no they were younger or I was younger when they got married I was younger when they got married yeah were they married when he taught you to ride the bike at 15 they must have been because I was definitely younger okay 15 feels a little old to be a flower girl no no now that I think about it I think they had been married a long time I was like I'd go actually but wait she just told you six days ago that that was when she knew I thought that was what she said that's not what she said
I'm trying to think it doesn't matter ultimately they did wind up together he was very sweet to me anyway he taught me he did teach me how to make a lot of desserts he's very nice that's not the point of any of this so what happened next we love Paul honestly I do love Paul I feel like like most Paws I know kind of have that energy he's a really good guy yeah yeah um so Rose is being taught or re-taught how to like ride a bike whatever and so she's going around the office just
riding a bike and she's like in the office that's what I said it's a big office okay it would have to be pretty big but okay okay um I'm so like Shane is like watching her with like Pride on his face and he's like clearly still like very into her but like nothing has happened this whole time um and then Malcolm who's like the big boss walks in um and Malcolm and Shane are really good friends Malcolm and Shane and Shane's cousin who own the bar all hang out like every weekend
um and so like Malcolm is like watching Shane watch rose on the bike and he's like you have feelings for her like and Shane's like what and Malcolm's like we need her like we like overextended ourselves financially to be able to expand the way we wanted and so like if we don't land this pitch we are not going to survive so like don't [ __ ] this up we need her right keep your drinking your pants um he said like if they don't land the pitch they'll likely start running out
of money in the next year ouch yeah yeah so then Shane is like really conflicted over his feelings for her because like the more he knows her over these months the more he likes her um and then he's like hey like will you go out um it was like he's like I have a friend coming in into town um would you want to go out to lunch or dinner with us depending um and he's like it's not a date because I have a friend in town who's coming with us so um is it not still a date well so then Rose
is having this is just like a quick aside like rose is having a girls night with olive she drunk dial Shane at like 2 A.M uh oh and blame and like discloses to him like blames herself for the other assault victim's death oh no yeah that's why oh and like Shane's like please find a good counselor yes please find a good one that's where my Shane is like he doesn't say it I think he might say like have you tried talking to someone or something but in his head he's like
she needs a therapist because this is a lot of weight and pressure that she's putting on herself to leave this to lead this perfect life because yeah um so the friend who comes into town for the dinner is Matthew Moreno Matthew Moreno is the millionaire that they are doing this big pitch too ah yes which like Shane doesn't like really give Rose a heads up for it no it's a shame and Rose is real nervous kind of bumbling not her best self Shane gets up to go to the bathroom and then Matthew
starts asking her like hard hitting questions like he knows about like she left her company in Texas not on good terms um and I don't know like the whole scene was like my notes I felt like this scene was supposed to make you feel flustered make you feel how flustered she was but it just kind of didn't like like I got what they were going for with like what was supposed to be like the hard-hitting questions and making her feel uncomfortable and like and like
yeah but I just never felt any of that tension I just kind of felt like rose get your [ __ ] together right like um I don't know like Shane I think like over here some of the answers like she's like getting tearful at the table and talking about how good of a job she wants like it it was not her most professional self to put it away awkward yeah so on the limo drive home which Matthew just like ordered for them because he's extra and has the money to do it it's apparently a very big limo because
it's just Shane and Rose in the limo and they decide to play Marco Polo oh what like I've been in I've been in some party limos yeah and I wouldn't say any of them were large enough that I could successfully well I feel like it's not just the size it's the shape it's just so it also sounds like my prom night no okay but also it's the shade it's not just the size it's the shape of it also Hannah was doing these like flight attendant like hand motions for like the
shape of the limo we're going in a Direction but like there's going in a Direction but I'm saying like this and it's not a wide open space they're not turns to take it's just the one way okay so I mean if there's seats on both sides and the floor in between them and the back row you gotta be real stealthy and I still don't think it would work well and honestly she was she wins the first round the second round she gets oral sex oh no so does that mean she won or she lost
was it a real orgasm or a fake one I believe it was a real so like well the first round she he was the one who was Marco Okay in the second round she was Marco so her eyes were closed and he was just like all up on her so so okay it doesn't I don't know what you want from me it doesn't matter I'm trying to figure out who won but it doesn't matter I I think you're focusing on the wrong part that's what she said where I was reading somewhere where someone was like yeah
a lot of oral sex for women for women is like that not there or there not uh like they're not that like too and I'm like you know it's not wrong well apparently Shane doesn't have that problem since he gave her for it orgasms the first night for orgasms um yeah Hannah was doing air quotes in case um so she gets I was gonna say she gets the [ __ ] because I don't have it I just call all oral sex a [ __ ] no matter who gets it he gets a [ __ ] she gets a [ __ ] everybody gets a blow job yeah so
she gets a [ __ ] she gets some oral sex come at me I don't even care she gets head yeah um they get back to Shane's house like place he confesses his feelings for her she tells him that she feels the same way there is a long gratuitous sex scene um the next morning Rose is still asleep in his bed he decides he's gonna get up and go on a run while he's out on the Run Matthew calls him and is like listen from personal experience you can't mix business with pleasure it was
very obvious you have feelings for this girl so she either needs to be off the pitch and like you guys need to get rid of her or you you aren't allowed to pitch because I'm not gonna like chance my company uh oh yeah so Rose wakes up and is like we like we confessed our feelings everything's good we belong that's what I thought when you were like we I was thinking of Pat Benatar no okay I I don't there's not a lot of Pat Benatar in my and my catalog that benatar's catalog is
missing from my catalog noted and understood you said Pat Benatar I thought Joan Jett and it almost just spit water across my table and honestly I get it they are very different they are they're scary I didn't say they were similar Hannah I I didn't say they were the same Oh no you're right and you're right carry on um either way I didn't catch the reference so it wouldn't matter I think my Joan Jett catalog is only one song Deep anyway so um yeah but she wakes up kind of like
sunshine and roses and she's like hey let's we're gonna be a thing now so I think she goes into his kitchen to make breakfast she's like wearing his t-shirt and boxers or something like that he gets home um and like it doesn't seem as though he's planning on like he's conflicted but it doesn't really seem like he's planning on telling her because he's super into her and like wants to make it work um but he's like I need to tell you something but then like they just kind
of start going at it so he's boning her up against the wall when suddenly his like front door opens oh because his cousin and Malcolm the boss were like and like we didn't hear from you and we like we hang out every Saturday morning and we didn't hear from you so we came over to check um and he's like trying to cover her and then Malcolm is like is that you Rose and like sees her she's mortified um awkward yeah honestly I'm not gonna lie I I stopped outlining the book at this
point so I'm about to free ball the rest of this review do it okay do it I apologize LT shade honestly I apologize for a lot of this review but um yeah I'm free balling this last bit so we're just gonna like she's mortified um it also is like she's like I can't show my face and she um it I think it's disclosed that like Matt like what Matthew said about like her needing to be off the case and so she like is planning on quitting the job and it's like this whole and she's
super emotional and I don't fully remember how it plays out but she like gets Matthew on the phone but then like once again I'm like girl no you are not professional because she's like this is about what happened in Texas isn't it like you don't want someone as emotional as me and he's like what that this is not what was happening here um but like once she gets a little less sloppy and messy to that end she kind of like puts him in his place and like gives him something to think about but she's
taking time away from the office like Malcolm hasn't fired her um but then Shane is also on a leave because he's like I just need to go clear my head get some space um she finds out I think she like goes to the office to resign or something like that and then girl that can be an email well she would also have to clear out her office okay okay fair enough fair enough maybe we're filling it in we're freeballing it we have no [ __ ] clue um so then like they find out that like
Matthew changed his mind they can ultimately make the pitch because whatever she said kind of swayed him she realizes that like she really cares about Shane that she like wants to be with him so she goes out to Shane's Lake House or wherever he was um and it cuts to Shane and Shane was kind of like never planning on letting her go was just like trying to be respectful and give her space um and he's like yeah I mean I knew like when she like she took the job as a
stepping stone for her career so like I'm not gonna hold that against her um but she means a lot to me she's really making a difference in her company I want her to stay um they she shows up they resolve things they make the pitch they win the pitch he proposes you Matthew and his partner are back together the end okay yeah I feel confident in how I ended that book you sound confident about how you ended that so um what's our rating skill here like how many pitches [ __ ] are too abstract
how many bicycles how many bicycles orgasms with quotations um how many orgasms how many orgasms eight balls no because that's a different thing how many people how many pool tables how many let's go how many Marco polos Marco polos the person or the game the Explorer I don't know why but I just had like a vision of like a superhero with like their arm out like with an MP or like Dora the Explorer that's what we're talking about we're talking about Marco um
let's go bicycles okay it feels like the safest option it does um how many bicycles girl I don't know I didn't read that no I mean like as like that it can be out of just choose an arbitrary number nine three oh far four I mean three is fine with me three in one unicycle yeah yeah um if we're just going with the number of tires
out of 18. so like seven out of 18 tires okay we had a situation at work recently where someone called me and they're like Chelsea my client is obsessed with their ex-boyfriend and slashed 14 of his tires and I was like girl that math don't work when I was like how many like the question to everyone else like how many cars did he have like did he keep getting them replaced or did he have was it three cars and a motorcycle yeah yeah because if it was three cars on a
motorcycle or if he just kept replacing tires on the car or did he own two and a half three and a half cars but also that's a lot of money to continually replace tires like that or was it like were they under warranty at Discount Tire was there a four-wheeler does the warranty cover intentional slashings we could call and ask I'm not that invested but we're going with three and one unicycle out of nine yes yeah I think I think seven out of oh no I have to mess
7 out of 19 tires is that how that works because if there's nine bicycles and that's 18 then you have one unicycle
which takes us to 19. so it would be 7 out of 19 tires which would rate that book I want to do this as a person I feel like a 30-ish percent yeah 36 point eight percent I made that up so 37 is what that's going to round to um outside of the um really liberal use of the word labia and sex scenes how many labias are we already don't stop um no labias in our rating um yeah like I it's not the worst thing I've ever read it's well here's my thing and I didn't read it but
I really struggle with books that make trauma the central character Arc of the main female character like I just get annoyed with that I also feel like nothing quite hit as hard as it was supposed to in this book if that makes sense so we like just missed yeah like how I kind of described the conversation with like Matthew where it was like oh like you're supposed to feel how flustered she was and I just like didn't I was just like girl get your [ __ ] together you want to be this bad
this bad boss [ __ ] and you're just like a crying mess like I don't know that's kind of how I felt about like all of it just felt like it like almost didn't quite get there for me um right and I think if it did like if a couple things hit a little harder I may have enjoyed it more but I think it just like it was just a little too far off the mark for me right well and I also it seems like based on what you described Shane was not all that likable I found him in like outside of the I
think that also felt weird right because like he made those like sexist chauvinistic comments like it felt like his Arc was supposed to be this like reformed bad boy when he found this girl that he was like actually really into but then like I feel like the way it came off was just like he was like super douchey and then we just kind of stopped paying attention to the douchiness and then like like oh but he has these other qualities too because I'm like yeah it's not either or it can
be both and right you can have really douchey moments and have these at like I don't know I feel like that was another like his art kind of missed for me because you're like yeah he was set up to be this like Playboy douche and it just never really felt like I think the it was supposed to be redeemed when he went and picked her up and they had their like big heart to heart and he like right wasn't taking advantage of her when she was in an emotionally vulnerable space but like
right again so we're giving someone credit for being a decent human being it's like yeah yeah no I feel you I feel you so three and a half out of nine yeah I feel good about that that's our final offer what are y'all's thoughts read it for yourself decide and report back you don't have to go with our rating scale because honestly a lot of the times I can't do the math for our rating skills so much like we've said before this is very much um Whose Line Is It Anyway
the rules are made up and the points don't matter so you tell us what you think and what your thoughts are maybe we will adjust our opinions but we appreciate you going on this journey with us and my favorite line ever of the rules were made up and the points don't matter just like the other guy in wham um still to this day my favorite quote from Whose Line Is It Anyway I was like that joke is so hard ouch so on that note go listen to Wham I was gonna say go listen to some Wham and hit
us up next time thanks y'all have a good day [ __ ] puppies bye well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ] we hope it was good for you cause it sure was great for us if you're digging what we're doing it would mean a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and review the show wherever you're listening right now maybe tell that sexy someone to Linda senir we love you we appreciate you we'll see you next week stay spotty [Music]