well hello all you beautiful people you know what time it is [Music] ladies and gents guys and dolls and everyone in between gather round get you something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on because it's time for smut club here's your hosts chelsea and hannah [Applause] hey everybody i'm hannah and i'm chelsea and welcome to smug club we're so glad you're here we're so glad you found us we don't know if that was intentional we don't know if that was accidental
we don't know if you slipped and accidentally hit play and you're like what is happening here but regardless of how you found us we're glad you're here yeah welcome welcome to the party welcome to the smut the smut party i was hoping i could come up with a pun on the spot and i failed miserably um i appreciate that you tried the smut tacular nope nope we'll we'll keep trying not right now we won't but in the future so today um we are going to review a book called top secret
by serena bowen and l kennedy they partnered up for this one oh okay i haven't read this one but i've read some l kennedy and i've always thoroughly enjoyed her stuff me too um and this one i found by accident because i had been reading a lot of l kennedy um and just picked this one up and didn't realize that it was male male and actually fell in love with the story and so i decided to make this our first male male review because it is one of my comfort books i love it a lot
okay how many times would you say you've read this book because i i've heard you describe it as your comfort book several times and i know like mine and do you do this with your comfort books where there will be like times where you're like i'm not even reading the whole thing cover to cover yeah i'm just like jumping in at like the 50 mark just like because i wanted a comforting story yeah so i would say completely through i've read it three times okay um one of those i want to say was audio
it still counts it still counts but like one of them was audio and then i have like when i've been in the car and like caught up on my podcasts and not i don't have an audio book or whatever and i'm not in the mu the mood for certain music or whatever like i'll put this on even if i'm not like doing the whole thing you know yeah so um i will first introduce us to our first male main character his name is keaton hayworth iii um he kind of sounds like a douche a
little bit he is a uh football player um he is uh in a fraternity he's currently running for frat president for the following year um he has been dating his girlfriend i want to say for like five years her name is annika um very very stereotypical fat boy energy from from keaton however we learn that he is super smart he's a bio major um and wants to study marine biology and he's not just a stereotype exactly he's also wicked smart um so we will find in this book that there are a lot of tropes
like the most tropes we have the football player we have the fraternity brothers we have the um straight guy exploring his sexuality we have male strippers i mean we have all the tropes so we opened up that like some of those i wouldn't even call tropes for the male male genre their tropes yeah strippers are a trope and male male i'm learning things and i'm i'm so happy to teach you so so keaton we open with him with his girlfriend annika in a coffee shop and um they are discussing the other
guys in the coffee shop and which ones annika finds attractive because we discover that annika has requested for her 21st birthday to have a a threesome with another man and keaton is he's basically says you know what i'm a scientist we're gonna do an experiment i don't know if i'm gonna be into it but let's find out baby if that's what you want for your birthday happy birthday we'll make it happen we love to see open communication in a relationship yeah he's like let's let's
explore this for sure but he's also like sweetheart we cannot ask anyone we know and she's like what do you mean he's like i cannot just go ask one of my fraternity brothers to have a threesome with us yeah he's pretty visible in their world yeah yeah he's like and then you know well i'll have to see him at a reunion in 10 years and he's gonna be like there's that pervert that has to see my dick like no way we're not doing that it has to be a stranger um and annie as she is her nickname um
annie's like fine okay whatever like i trust you you figure it out great so keaton decides to download an app called kink so on this app you can uh select what you're looking for what kind of experience you're looking for what kind of kinks you're into what kind of partners you want and so he makes a profile this feels like a very well-rounded dating app very much so maybe dating isn't just a well-rounded app i mean it's a hookup app yeah isn't that what all dating appstar does basically yes
um so uh he downloads this app he's a little bit nervous but he's also kind of excited um and he waits until because all of his friends are around and they're talking about he's running for frat president and all this and that he waits until they all leave to go to class and then he downloads this app creates a profile and kind of jumps in and is like let's see what's what so then we flash back and forth between the two um points of view so our second person um his name is luke bailey um he
is also in the fraternity he is also running for frat president in the same frat in the same frat and um we learned very quickly that he does not have a lot of money money is super tight for him um he works crazy hours but we don't know doing what yet um he's very very smart very driven wants to get into business and prove himself he makes a point to say because like a vending machine eats his dollar or something and the girl behind him offers him a dollar and he's like no thanks
and in his head he's like i will never take anyone anything from anyone in this school ever when i graduate it's gonna be because i did it and everybody else can suck it like not happening um but he is exhausted a lot of the time is he openly gay he is openly bisexual okay um but he doesn't advertise it at the frat also makes sense yeah yeah so um actually keaton's best friend in the frat hates luke deeply because luke accidentally hooked up with his ex-girlfriend at a party because he
didn't know that it was this guy's ex-ex so this guy is like he broke the bro code where like he didn't know there was a bro code there he didn't but it doesn't seem to matter so luke makes some allusions to like him his family being kind of a mess not having a lot of money being super strapped for cash and all all that kind of stuff um and he also references keaton and mentions how much he like [ __ ] hates this guy so they live um on the same floor in the frat house and keaton has the big room
and luke has like what they call the servant's quarters that's like basically a little closet and they share a bathroom on like the third floor of this frat house um and so he is constantly irritated with keaton making noise um and he was gonna do some homework or something he gets back to the house he was gonna do some homework but then he's like [Music] like i'm not really feeling it i'm gonna get on kink luke is super sex positive he does not give a [ __ ] he is just here to do
whatever he wants to do that feels good and is consensual yeah and he found an app that afforded him that outlet love to see it exactly and he's like obviously i do not have time at this point to like coordinate a whole hookup but let's see what's what what am i in the mood for i'm in the mood for a threesome so he selects it and starts swiping and he comes across this profile and there is a photo that has the faces cropped out and he's like that makes sense i don't have my photo in my or my
face in my photo either uh we gotta be careful with this [ __ ] um but these two are obviously super hot i'm into that let's see what's what so he matches with someone called lobster shorts that is the name of this person and he's wearing um lobster short uh swim trunks in the photo so that's where it came from i imagine like chubbies swimming basically yeah that's the image i'm getting okay um so they start chatting a little bit and then um they start talking about like luke
starts throwing out okay so you know what are you and your girl into you know like what what would be the rules around this you know can i touch you can i touch her do you want me to [ __ ] her do you want to [ __ ] me like what what's happening and keaton is like it's cute keaton's like jesus christ like i was not being prepared and he's like bro if you haven't thought about this you're not ready and he's like no it's not that it's not that i'm not open to it it's just that i didn't
know what to expect and i need a moment to kind of consider it so annie definitely wants you to touch her he doesn't use her name but he's like my girlfriend definitely wants you to touch her so yeah and then i don't know if i want you to touch me maybe and like i have to say i really appreciate the conversations they're having like there's there's no guessing it's all open like let's all make sure we're on the same page we are all consenting to the same thing like
really loving this energy exactly so when lobster shorts says i don't know if i want you to touch me he's like let's do an experiment and he basically starts sexting him a scenario of uh like a guy between his legs right and uh like going down on him basically preparing to give him a [ __ ] and right before like the money moment brandon's upset about what's about to happen right before the money moment luke is like so you have a homework assignment you finish the fantasy and tell me
tell me what you come up with and lobster shorts is like are you [ __ ] serious you're gonna leave me with my dick in my hands right now and he's like yes i am and so so that's kind of the initial interaction um but there's a lot of like really cute back and forth where keaton starts talking about lobster sex because luke was making fun of his lobster shorts and he's like lobsters are amazing do you know how they mate and luke is like what the [ __ ] are you saying right now and he's like well
um the dude like pees into the woman's shelter or the female lobster's shelter and then she's like i'm into that and then he comes in and strips off her shell like a prom dress that's a direct quote strips off her prom dress like a like her strips off her shell like a prom dress and then they do a missionary style and luke was like the [ __ ] is this i'm learning more than i thought i would today whenever i think of lobsters i just think of like you're my lobster like
when people are like lobsters mate for life right um but i've never actually thought of the inner workings of their sexual intimacy well now you know now i now i absolutely do so then um luke is chilling trying to do homework he's signed out of the app his mom calls asking him for money apparently this is a common thing his mom is kind of a piece of [ __ ] and doesn't really support him which is why he can't live at home anymore and she's asking him for money which is very frustrating and will
become very important in the future okay um so he has an older brother who's recently out of prison and mom is like we decided to start a business like you should invest and he's like the [ __ ] is this like absolutely christ um so then um he goes into where he works and we find out that he is a male stripper um and makes excellent money stripping um at this club he gets along great with his um co-workers and everything um and he starts thinking about like he he says he needs to pick up some
extra shifts because he starts thinking about the um a huge part of the um fraternity president race campaign whatever the [ __ ] um is something called the presidential dance-off and they have to basically throw a party like each one of them has to throw a party under a certain budget as the thing and so he's thinking about what he's going to do for his dance off so it's in my head when when i hear dance off i think like dance battle um right but that's not it because he
says like if if this were an actual dance-off i would [ __ ] kill it but it's not so so i just have to throw a dance under a certain budget okay continue so then we flash back to keaton um keaton goes to have um brunch with his dad um and um he takes annika with him they accidentally wake up luke when they're leaving and he's wicked pissed because he got in at like two or three in the morning because he's working at a strip club but nobody knows that so they go to lunch or brunch or
whatever rich people do they're filthy rich and that becomes relevant later um they go to brunch with his dad um who starts kind of talking about well you know when you come work for my company when you come work for my company and keaton has zero interest in that he wants to go into biology and be like a field researcher he does not want to be in pharmaceuticals um dad does not understand that and is pressuring him to go for an internship so i don't know where this is going
which is like the big so and sigh okay color me intrigued so so but that's part of it right is that there is just not a ton of like intense intrigue in this book there are a couple of moments when you're like god oh oh man but for the most part it's like this is really nice and now that i'm reviewing it i'm like oh man that might not have been the choice for this podcast because it is like oh that's really nice like it's not that it's not that intense hannah we can just
review books that we like that are nice to read like not every book has to be something that we would describe as a dumpster fire honestly it's kind of a nice reprieve that's fair that's fair um i just also want to be entertaining and i don't know that it is so i mean i'm entertained do you need more wine would wine make it more entertaining for you probably not i mean like i said i'm entertained that's not the issue um okay so um blah blah blah after the um
the brunch keaton it decides to get um back on the dating app because he feels like he needs a distraction because you know things brunch with his dad wasn't great yeah and this is a couple of days later um and so um so they start kind of sexting a little bit um because who we know is luke but keaton doesn't know as luke is like so how'd you do on the assignment and he was like i'm i'm doing fine and he's like fine like b-minus and lobster shorts is like uh keaton is like
in my family b-minus is a failure so no oh honey i only do a work um and so um they start kind of going back and forth um and then um they kind of start again like sexting and um luke starts going into detail about how he would give him a [ __ ] right um and so they are getting more and more into it keaton is very turned on and he's like well damn okay that sounds like a great [ __ ] i guess we're going for it here um so um then luke does ask him he's like are you at home close the door like
i want you to actually do this with me in real time um and keaton is like oh that is a line that i am ready to cross he's like okay so it sounds like he didn't have to think about it much like he's like oh he didn't okay yeah he didn't um and luke is not at home so center three is his handle on the app he is not at home um and so he's like i wish i could be doing this with you but i can't but he does take a little sneaky pic of his abs to send um for him to get off to
and so there's a lot of detail about that about like the the sexting [ __ ] um and um keaton's like what the [ __ ] just happened like i just came super hard and i was not mentally or emotionally prepared for that and they did not bring up annika the entire time and the whole point of this is organizing this threesome for her for her 21st birthday right and he's like was that cheating he's like i don't think so because i'm doing research for this threesome like it's not
not building a relationship i'm like betting this person it reminds me of um friends and like one of the like the flashback where like because ross and his first wife has he has multiple wives but him and his first wife end their marriage because she realizes that she is a lesbian and into women and like a flashback where it's like oh like we're like bringing a woman into the bedroom and then he's like so have you ever like been having a great time and then realize like
if you weren't there they'd still be having a great there's like something like that yeah i don't it's been a long time since i saw the episode but like tonally it feels similar where it's like we were organizing this for you but then you weren't there and we had a great time without you yeah yeah exactly um so then um [Music] uh luke knows that so luke sends the picture um he knows that lobster shorts is super into it but he's also like maybe i pushed him too far
because obviously he's in a relationship with a woman like maybe he's not ready for all of this especially since like their first conversation he was like can i touch you can i touch her what's the land and keaton was like oh i don't know any of this so luke is not playing around here luke is not playing around down to business he's ready to go maybe lobster shorts hasn't hasn't thought all of this through still maybe like maybe that's not a fair assessment that he hasn't thought it
through still but just like it's a big leap for him yeah so then keaton is kind of panicking because he had this experience and so he logs out of the app so then um luke is back at home um we find out that the reason he's running for frat president so nobody really likes him in this frat like he's just kind of there but the reason he's running for president is he finds out that the president gets free rent and he really really needs that he really really needs that so um that's
basically the whole point so then he gets in a little tiff with some of the guys um about um uh pledge week because they want to force the pledges to [ __ ] watermelons and then whoever lasts the longest has to then eat the watermelon stop and luke is like hey that is sexual assault and they're like what are you talking about it's hilarious and he's like no you're forcing them to complete a sexual act while you watch that's sexual assault like don't do that and they're like why are
you always raining on our parade remember me he's like i'm trying to make sure we can stay afraid and when we do [ __ ] like this for hazing we can all get arrested yes so um so yeah so that's really awkward um and most of the guys who are on that uh committee are keaton's friends and so he tells he sees keaton in the kitchen and he's looking a little weird a little flustered and so luke is like hey you should probably tell your buddies to cool it with the pledge committee stuff like you
may want to follow up on that um and they clearly have a very contentious relationship like they're not not fans of each other um so okay so um keaton is still with annika he's trying to figure out what the [ __ ] to do for this dance-off he has planned nothing and it's coming up really soon and he's kind of freaking out and he's like so they're at brunch again with his dad and his dad is like well let me tell you what i did and he planned this like elaborate thing with cirque du soleil
performers or some [ __ ] and keaton's like oh no oh no i can't do that in two weeks i'm [ __ ] like i'm super [ __ ] okay um because his dad i forget that's why he was um running in the first place because his dad wanted him to run because their legacy or whatever um so he's freaking out he's still messaging center three on this kink app all the time and it's kind of escalating more and they're starting to talk about things that are not sex related like they're just talking about stuff
life stuff um and every now and then keaton will be like oh [ __ ] yeah annika would be super into watching us do that like well my girlfriend he doesn't say her name but like my girlfriend would be super into watching us do that yeah because he realizes that maybe he's crossing a line on some of this stuff so um so he's like i should casually mention that my girlfriend would like to watch that to make me feel better about the things that i am doing that i feel like i probably shouldn't be doing
because i have a girlfriend right got it um and they start doing like weird animal sex facts of the day because keaton is super into biology and all this other stuff so he talks about like that apparently kangaroos can masturbate fun fact that i didn't need to know but now you do um and like just random things like that and luke is like you know what i kind of like this guy like i actually kind of like him he's really fun i hope that this whole threesome thing really does happen so
how far out is her birthday like two months oh so we really we put more time into planning this than the dance off yes okay so her birthday is like right after the new year um so um there you know luke is exhausted because he's working crazy hours and doing all this school stuff super irritated with keaton because he always has his music too loud and is making too much noise and at one point annika is over um in keaton's room and is complaining about something and he's like
if y'all don't even have the decency to have sex so that i can hear it can you shut the [ __ ] up like i cannot with y'all right now like he's so irritated so do we like the girlfriend or are we supposed to be annoyed by her so she's a little bit of like a rich [ __ ] connecticut kind of situation but she's also very sweet um so like a little bit of both so then keaton decides he knows what he's gonna do for the dance off and he's like i'm gonna make this [ __ ] happen so he decides to throw a
beach party in december so he gets all these heaters sand lays booze all that stuff um and it's a great party however he starts to take note of some of the other dudes and their bathing suits and i was like huh good for him like that's good nice like okay and he actually has the thought he's like it used to be when i was at the gym and i saw a guy doing squats i'd be like nice form and now i'm like nice [Laughter] so um so then he and annika like he kind of alludes to the fact that they haven't
really been having sex regularly lately um but they've been together for so long that it's not really a big deal it's just like one of those things uh but they do have sex the night of his dance off because he got so turned on watching the one gay brother in the fraternity making out with another dude but he neglects to tell his girlfriend that bit right would you probably well maybe not actually like i think it i don't cuz like just thinking it through i'm like okay would you be like i want
like because it does it wasn't really about getting off with her it was just that other things aroused him and and other men aroused him and i guess if i was 21 in that situation i probably would do the same thing yeah like trying to figure out your sexuality and it's like already been like not consistent sex with your partner and then like i don't know how i would receive that right be like i just really needed to get my dick wet because someone else made me really hot
and you were the option that i have right i mean that might be like a really like harsh way of of cutting that but i'm like maybe a little bit yeah but i'm like yeah i don't i don't know if i would you how you would if you tell him i mean he does talk about how much he loves her and how gorgeous she is and all this and that i i mean he he does care for her i'm not disputing that he cares for her i'm just purely going off of his motivations for this sexual encounter
little column a little column b maybe column c lots of c indeed um so lots of d indeed so that just makes me think of there's a big boy song well technically i guess it's big grams he did it never mind but he says um she needs a vitamin d overdose and i do mean d and that's all i can think about now that's one of my favorite lines of music ever yeah i just not it wasn't a line of music but i once remember having a conversation with co-workers and someone had an actual vitamin d deficiency
and one of the dudes was like i don't have a vitamin d deficiency then he's like well maybe it's like just like took it and ran with it forever and we're like you're just describing the size of your dick with a vitamin d deficiency analogy and you have continued this analogy for a while too far that was kind of his style was that the energy he brings yeah the energy he brought was that joke should have ended a few sentences ago i hate that when it's like sweetheart you did so good
but you need to stop if i'm like reign it in just a smidge pull it in and we'd be at the sweet spot but you keep passing the sweet spot and that's why you have a vitamin d deficiency hey there's my puppies we'll get you right back to the show in just a moment but first do you like us maybe even love us because we sure love you and if you do love us don't tease us tell us in those ratings and reviews wherever you're listening right now maybe even send us over to a special
sexy someone that would enjoy getting smutty with us because you know the first rule of smug club is to talk about smut club all right i won't keep you any longer let's get back to the show [Music] okay so annie and keaton phone because he's aroused by the other people at the party he does still he's is still into her but once again yeah that's not something at 21 that i like i don't think there's a way to like tactfully say that right at 21 at least i didn't have that tact no nor would i
um so then um luke is like damn like he did a really good job with this party um but i'm not worried i think i got it so keaton is super irritated because luke tells everybody they have to come in like like semi-formal wear it's a classier party yeah and it's the dinner party and the servers are all stupid hot like they all have like huge tits and they're gorgeous are they all the stripper friends yes but they don't know that so the guys are all like hey while they're being served this food and
the food is delicious um and then um one of the guys is like so is that it like this we just had a dinner party with hot servers this was the party and then luke is like if everyone will raise your glasses and so they all raise up and he just stands there and they're like are you are you gonna make your stupid toast or whatever he's like no i just needed you to move your [ __ ] and then all the girls come out and they get on the table and start dancing and keen is like [ __ ] me running like he
really did this like damn um and he had like poker tables set up and like the guys were all super into it so um luke feels like he nailed it and he's like yeah they're my my friends from work like i just paid them a little extra to come help me um but the guys don't know that so they're all like how do you know so many strippers teach me your ways and he's like no um um he's like he was also like do not touch them i will [ __ ] you up and at the end he was like there was
only one stupid sophomore that i had to punch in the face so overall good night honestly for a frat party filled with strippers pretty good yeah that feels like good odds pretty good like okay because a sophomore you're what like 19 maybe 20 19 20 yeah yeah so like like your brain's not fully developed i mean none of their brains are so like for their level of brain development only one feels like good odds pretty good pretty decent so um that goes all really well they're
continuing to message on the app they don't realize that it's the two of them messaging back and forth um they uh keaton is really upset about spending time with his parents over christmas because his dad is continuing to pressure him about uh the internship at his company and all this other stuff um luke is really upset because when he goes home his mom just continues to ask him for money for various things and then his brother calls him the f word and demands that he
pay him or he's gonna tell all of his fraternity brothers that he's a stripper which is just not ideal like that is not what we want from our big brother you know to put it mildly yeah or from anyone like we don't want that from anyone but especially our big brother um so luke is really frustrated and upset by this whole thing so um he winds up messaging lobster shorts who is keaton um and is like what are you doing on the app like aren't you spending time with
family and keaton is like nope are you and keaton's like i would rather be like be dead than deal with that [ __ ] right now so then they uh start sending each other videos no faces but of them jacking it and super hot and girlfriend still doesn't know she still does not know that keaton is on this app she knows that he has committed to organizing this threesome for them she does not know he's on this app so that actually comes up over this christmas exchange
where luke is like bro is there even a girl like it's cool if there's not but like you need to tell me because this is not yeah she needs to know because he wants to see pictures of their faces and keaton's like i can't send that to you because my girlfriend doesn't know he's like well if your girlfriend doesn't know then what the [ __ ] are we doing right now yeah it's a little scaby so i appreciate luke's principles and morals yes so keaton then promises he's gonna tell
annika when he gets back um from from christmas um so he does he talks to annika and he's like listen i found this guy he seems really great but then he realizes he doesn't want to show her the messages that they've been sending back and forth because it's all them sexting and he's like oh yeah it's a it's way more messages than she would be bargaining for without yeah so he just takes like a screenshot of a couple and sends them to her um also if y'all hear what sounds like a
whale crying in the background it's my pug crying on not crying snoring on the floor um i hear it very loudly too and so if if y'all are hearing it as well um it's not a weird animal sex fact from this book it's just my dog who's a pug so he has some breathing issues he snores he does it's very endearing and the nasal strips don't work for him because he doesn't really have a snout he doesn't bless his little pug face we love him we do sorry just needed to
give that caveat in case you all hear it that weird sound is brandon is brandon the pug so keaton sends these screenshots to annika to tell her that he found their person because this hookup is supposed to be in like 10 days for her birthday for her 21st birthday so she's like uh who is this person and he's like no listen like i vetted him he seems really great blah blah blah blah and she's like okay i guess so they so they decide um they're gonna get a hotel room and they're gonna do all this
stuff so then um keaton tells luke bye brandon so brandon has cbd treats that he gets like one each morning to stay calm but knowing that we were recording today i gave him two and to be fair with his weight size that is appropriate no one don't panic yeah don't panic don't at me about this it is entirely okay um but we have a little like bed next to us on the ground so my husband just came and picked him up and put him on the couch he just needed a little relocation
he did bless his sweet little pug soul he's so precious he's the purest little being he is like i we're we're obsessed with our pets we're one of those households like we are definitely a our pets are our children as are we household so i think it's also why we're friends both of our dogs wear diapers yup like you know we can get into that another time maybe we won't and he's asking some questions about like so where did you find this guy and what's going on yeah
yeah exactly so um keaton is like telling her basically no i've been vetting him he's fantastic we're gonna do this um so then he coordinates with luke luke is like okay um i'll see if i can get the night off of work we'll make it happen book the hotel like let's do this [ __ ] so the night arrives of annie's 21st birthday keaton is having a great time and he is super excited to meet this guy he still doesn't know his name and has never seen his face but he has very much enjoyed
their conversations he feels like they're getting to know each other they're learning more um like he's learning that you know this guy has issues with money and he works a lot and um you know all these different things about each other they're they really like each other they're they're building a friendship so he's very excited to meet this guy however annie is like is someone actually coming tonight and keaton is like yes you asked me for this and i told you i
was going to do it and i always follow through on a promise like when she's saying that like does she not want someone to does she not believe that he actually did it both okay both like she's like almost like a yeah this was fun in theory but like now that we're here like oh we're we're really doing this now right okay so she's like i don't want to do this and he's like are you serious like you asked me for this and she's like yeah but i just thought you would get the hint
that we need to spice up our sex life and suggest like edible underwear or some handcuffs or something i didn't think you'd actually do it and he's like i promised you that i would do it he's on his way here right now but he's like obviously i'm never gonna force my girlfriend to do something that she's not comfortable with sexually so like what the [ __ ] like i'm [ __ ] now um and that actually happens earlier in the book too like he's super horny when he wakes up in the morning and like
rolls over to like nuzzle on her and she's like i am sleepy and he's like okay honey i love you he's like cause only a dick wakes up your girlfriend for sex when she's trying to sleep oh i mean yeah it is very endearing and very sweet but i'm also kind of like annika well i'm like you you can't have both you can't like want things spicier and then like if the biggest spice if the if the red pepper flakes of the situation are that he woke you up nuzzling him like that's that's like
garlic what are you what do you have in your head apparently edible underwear was her whole solution right or handcuffs or something so keenan was like well [ __ ] like he's on his way here right now he's gonna be here like any second and keaton's super excited to meet him exactly so he is like really embarrassed and he doesn't want his new friend to think that he's the one backing out and he's like [ __ ] so she's like we'll just message him right now and tell him not to come oh and he's like
okay okay so like as he's pulling his phone out there's a knock on the door and then we switch to luke's perspective and luke is super excited he took the night off of work which is a big deal for him because money matters and he cleaned up and he's super excited and he's like i wonder if i'm at the right room but i hear male and female voices so must be and then keaton who is his roommate opens the [ __ ] door and he is like hey they're like uh i think i have the wrong
room neither of them saw this coming no not even a little bit so then keaton uh says actually like we're uh we're good we're good um like kind of ends up giving them an out because he's like oh oh i know you yeah we're good so okay no okay so then luke starts to get a little heated and he's like what so annika's in there annika's in there the the daughter of like she's some kind of heiress to some huge fortune or some [ __ ] he's like so so annie's in there she wants to get doubled down
you right are we doing this or what because he's like super pissed because they both think that they like catfished each other and he's like they're both like no this is just a stupid coincidence and i had no [ __ ] clue this is crazy and again luke is super pissed he took the night off of work and so keaton's like well can't you just like go in now he's like no jackass for somebody who's never worked a day in their life i'm already going to be late my boss is going to be pissed i don't
know that i'm going to get what i need to get blah blah blah um and caitlyn's like well i'm really sorry but you should go thanks bye hmm awkward yeah and very disappointing because they both really liked this person that they found so then um luke goes to work and he gets smash hammer drunk afterwards with the other strippers and then um he uh takes an uber home and he's starting to feel like he's sobered up a little bit he goes upstairs and he hears music and stuff happening in keaton's
room and he's like whatever i guess they decided to come back here instead of staying in the hotel doesn't matter but then all of a sudden keaton like busts into his room and is like where have you been all night i've been waiting for you all night what are you doing and he's like bro you need to calm down are you drunk right now and he's like yes i'm drunk annika broke up with me and he's like what and he's like yeah she said that um the passion isn't there in our relationship anymore
and she thought you know i was gonna spice it up with some handcuffs or something and that's why she backed out and blah blah blah blah and he's very heartbroken because again they've been together for a really long time so he's heartbroken i'm really frustrated and um luke is like well what do you want me to do about it and then they kind of start making out a little bit like the sexual tension has built they start making out a little bit and then keaton's like holy [ __ ] i'm like ah
oh this is this is where the red pepper flakes were and not with annika exactly he was like oh my god um so then i i'm pretty sure that at this point luke blows him pretty sure um and then like jacks himself and comes on his chest or something like that whatever it's not really relevant to the story to be honest but they have like their first sort of sexual experience together um they're both intoxicated um and then keaton is kind of freaking out afterwards like grabs his stuff and like hustles
he's like oh god like hustles on out um so then there's more of this like awkward tension they see each other around the frat house and luke is starting to get kind of irritated so he's making like little snide comments but then he gets surprised that keaton starts returning these snide comments they get back on kink they're continuing to chat and then um they just start [ __ ] basically um like that's basically what it is and keaton luke tells keaton that he is like a golden retriever puppy
because he's just so happy all the time and he just wants to play with a frisbee and he's really excited to be part of the group and is just looking forward to it and luke is not even a dog he is an alley cat passing through and he's not interested in the commitment and keaton is like that's fine but i'm asking for exclusivity it will only be the two of us like if i'm [ __ ] you nobody else is [ __ ] you and luke also has been unwilling now that i said that luke has also been
unwilling for keaton to [ __ ] him so far luke has [ __ ] keaton um but not the other way around um lots of [ __ ] and uh tustin jimber lakes and uh other other things um so then they they're having fun i mean they're they're just having fun kind of hanging out they're keeping a secret from the frat um the then luke gets a phone call from his mom and uh keaton overhears him yelling in the other room and he's like the [ __ ] is that so he goes and he's kind of eavesdropping and he hears
luke say well i don't have a car mom i don't know how i'm going to get there fine whatever i'll try to borrow a car bye and so his mom had called asking for money because she spent all of their money and didn't have enough to pay her heat bill and this is new england in the winter and so he was like well damn like i can't i'm not gonna be able to sleep at night if i let my mom [ __ ] freeze to death so keaton is like let me drive you and luke is like for the love of god please no like
no luke is the commitment phobe in all this he's like absolutely not caitlyn's like bro come on so he takes him it's very awkward um they go find his brother as well and keaton watches luke's brother again call him the f word and just be very belittling and threaten to beat him up and stuff and even makes derogatory comments towards keaton when keaton gets out of the car thinking he needs to help luke um and he's like bro your family your family and he's like yeah i know
let's never talk about it again he's just deeply ashamed of of his family um so things continue to progress um they are banging a lot um and keaton's super into it however he misses annika a lot because that was like his best friend even if they weren't like sexually compatible necessarily he really misses his best friend yeah it's been a long time in their relationship and he's like i wish i had somebody to talk to about luke but i don't because i can't talk to any of my frat brothers about it
so he he winds up calling annika annika tells him that she's also dating someone and they miss each other and and so they start platonically hanging out again which luke feels weird about which makes keaton really happy i'm gonna say luke feels weird about it so keaton's like hell yeah he's like [Laughter] he's like do you love me i bet you love me because he's like a golden retriever puppy he's so excited about everything um so then um keaton finds out that it is luke's birthday
luke wasn't gonna tell anybody anything about [ __ ] but one of the other brothers knew so they were planning a party for his birthday oh so keith is like hey babe uh you wanna come on a drive with me and luke's like not really i was gonna go for a run and he's like nope you promised we're going thanks so they start driving luke thinks they're going into town or something and all of a sudden keaton is driving to the city it's like where are we going and he's like don't worry about it
and luke is like i don't play that [ __ ] game where are we going right now or i'm going to jump out of the car while it's moving like luke is a very aggressive salty pretzel he is very salty about everything um i prefer the like the honey mustard and onion pretzels noted uh like the straight salt ones that's that's if anything he's salt and vinegar if anything he's i can work with salt and vinegar i do enjoy salt and vinegar yeah myself um but that's that's the energy that
luke brings very soft like we we but we also like understand his life history and like we we see how he got there and we love him and support him through it exactly so um turns out keaton has planned a weekend getaway for his birthday and um when they go into the hotel room luke is like what else did you do because he he's like i know you and you are extra as [ __ ] what else did you do it is not just a hotel room just no i'm not here for the surprises no just tell me um
um he also got him concert tickets they have dinner reservations and then they have like some kind of uh brew tap festival thing they're going to go to and luke is like okay and like turns around and goes into the bathroom and keaton is like oh no oh dear maybe i am too extra maybe i am a golden retriever puppy i'm so sorry okay but also for like being like college age that is a like thorough birthday plan he has a hell of a trust fund his dad owns a pharmaceutical
company i mean like here's the thing it's still thoughtful yeah i was going to say money aside just like that level of thoughtfulness i'm like that is very thoughtful yes so um lou comes out of the bathroom and he's actually in tears and keaton is like what he's like do you know the last time someone even remembered my birthday i was 16 and my mom didn't even get me anything like oh and so keaton is like oh my god like my heart is melting um and so they have a fantastic weekend together
um and then um keaton like they start to to get frisky or whatever um and luke is like i bet you're probably too sore to to do anal again and he's like well i mean free like for you we could figure it out and he's like no no no like i'm not going to hurt you why don't you do me and keaton is like best day ever like happy birthday to me um even though it is not his birthday um and so this is a very magical intimate weekend for them they have a fantastic time and i i completely forgot so before
this um some of the frat brothers one of them is having a birthday and the frat brothers decide they're gonna go to a strip club and there are two strip clubs next to each other one is a men's strip club one one is a women's strip club and they go into the wrong strip club and the guys figure that out immediately and leave but then keaton is still standing there talking to the hostess and then he sees sam or sam he sees luke come out dancing to a sam smith's dong
getting naked and he's like god damn like okay and so he realizes that he's a stripper um and luke is again very ashamed very secretive about it but keaton is like it's super hot and like can i come watch you sometime and luke is like absolutely the [ __ ] not no stay away from me so anyway this is a big deal for them to have this intimate weekend together it's a big deal so as they're driving back luke is driving keaton's car and they start to pull up to the frat
house and there are all these cop cars everywhere and they're like what oh no so they start to get out of the car and then one of the cops is like are you luke bailey and he's like uh yep yep and he's like cool you're under arrest and he's like what what for what and he's like don't worry about it and like puts him on the hood of the car and like frisks him and does all this stuff and luke is flipping the [ __ ] out he's like i literally have no idea what is
happening right now can you please tell me why i'm being arrested and they're like you'll find out down at the station and like shove him in the car turns out he's being accused of robbing the school um like stealing some computers from the school or something i was really hoping this was going to be a sex thing no stealing some computers from the school like i thought it was going to be like hot cop strippers no wishful thinking for all of us for everyone involved these are not hot
cop strippers if anything they're bigoted and terrible so um they get to the police station and they say they have it was his school id that unlocked the doors to steal these computers it was his [ __ ] brother so it turns out that one of his frat brothers didn't realize that luke's brother was not someone that needed to be around and he had shown up at the frat house and even showed his id to prove he was luke's brother and so the guy was like okay i guess if you're luke's brother like go on up
and leave him a node in his room or whatever and he had stolen all the cash that luke had and his school id um i'm but look at him rather right but luke didn't know that because then he immediately went out of town so he didn't know so the cop is like sounds pretty convenient so you gave your brother your school id and then went on a little weekend getaway and he's like no jesus christ he's like i think i need an attorney oh my god so when we flash back to the the frat
house keaton is flipping out so he calls his dad oh i forgot to mention as well so luke has been coming to the brunches with keaton's dad every now and then because keaton really doesn't want to be alone with his dad they just don't really get along so luke's been coming along and he's a finance major and so he and his dad are like really hitting it off and like besties for life so keaton calls his dad and he's like dad what do you do when somebody gets arrested he's like what are you talking
about right now um i thought you were with annika because it turns out dad had checked keaton's credit card receipts and saw that he booked a hotel and just assumed that he was with annika and that they had gotten back together and he's like no i was with luke and he his dad's like luke bailey and he's like uh yeah he's like like like finance luke yeah one of the same yep that's the one nailed it so um his dad is like let me call somebody who is um licensed in connecticut we'll figure it out
so um then the whole frat is standing there staring at him like what the [ __ ] are you doing right now what is going on and he's like hey everybody awkward um so then they all overheard the conversation about he and luke spending the weekend together so now they all know um which was very upsetting for everybody um because keaton had backed out of the frat president race because he realized that luke was doing it to get free rent and he needed the money so he backed out of the race which
pissed luke off a lot were they the only two running mm-hmm okay and the rest of the frat did not understand what was going on so when all this came out keaton's best friend was like oh i see so you were [ __ ] him and like he turned you and got you to like manipulated you into doing all this and he's like it's it's a fraternity president situation like it's not that serious and no that's not what happened that's not what happened and also like it is not like an actual
big campaign that's happening here it's not so um and through all of this keaton is also applying for an internship um that would put him basically out at sea for two months over the summer um that he's really excited about but hasn't mentioned to his parents because his dad still wants him to do the finance internship with his whole stuff right yeah so all this is happening at the same time um and then uh luke meets his public defender who's basically trash and luke is like no listen
if you call the hotel where i stayed like they can tell you like they can show you the video i was there and um the guy's like yeah okay we'll we'll figure that out when we get to trial but for now you're gonna have to pay your bail and he's like bail like i don't i barely have money for rent like i can't pay bail and he's like well that's really tough for you and so luke is really freaking out he's like holy [ __ ] i'm gonna be here forever like i'm gonna lose my
scholarship i'm not gonna be able to graduate everything i've been working for is just gonna go up in flames like oh my god but then another attorney shows up and says there won and says to the public defender you're fired get out and so he gathers all this information he's like the hayworth's hired me i'm here for you i got it covered no problem and basically immediately gets the charges dropped like as soon as he walks into the courtroom he's like the the college is not going
to like it if you're charging a student with a crime that he clearly did not commit this is lazy police work so unless you would like to get a phone call from one of your largest tax bases i strongly suggest that you drop these charges thank you it was very elwood's like it was very legally blonde moment where he was just like ciao did he bend and snap i don't it wasn't specified but yes in my mind he did in my mind and in my heart yes that's what happened um so then luke is
traumatized by spending a night in jail and having all of this happen so he goes back to the frat house realizes that everybody knows that he and keaton have been [ __ ] and he's like great [ __ ] awesome i hate it here so then he just refuses to speak to keaton he's like i'm not i can't do this with you like i'm a terrible person i come from terrible people and anything that we have or have had is gonna be tainted because i am trash and then luke's bomb shows up at the
frat house and starts screaming for him so he goes out and he's like what do you want and she's like the cops just showed up and arrested your your brother we have to post his bail we have to help him [ __ ] like you showed up for luke when he was just arrested and he didn't fail after his brother essentially framed him for this crime by stealing his id and all of his money so he's like no mom i'm not gonna be doing that and she was like if you don't do this
we're done you're not my son anymore and he says okay and she's like oh good like let's go let's go get your brother and he's like no no okay i'm not your son anymore and the whole frat is witness to all of this like it breaks my heart but yes also like way to hold a very necessary and difficult boundary exactly he needed to be done with all of that so then um he and keaton aren't speaking and a couple of weeks start to go by and luke is like maybe i reacted a
little too strongly like most of the brothers in the frat are chill like they don't really care and i was just like the shock of yeah everything that weekend and he's like and i miss him but also like i still like feel the jail slime on me like i feel like i'm gonna taint everybody around me um and keaton is like pining for him and all this and then he's like you know what not anymore i'm not doing this anymore i'm not gonna pretend anymore he has lunch with his parents both of them and
comes out fully to them um and he's like yeah no i'm i'm not bisexual like i'm i'm just gay like turns out i'm just super gay um and they're like okay and then his dad is like so you couldn't just be gay you had to be an academic too because he tells like he tells his parents about the internship that's the line for his own line the only i mean [ __ ] who you want son but you also had to be an academic just [ __ ] really um so then keaton is like you know who
would do great at that internship though luke bailey you should probably give him a call actually um he's like even if we're not together i still want him to do well and i'm sure he would be pissed at me for like putting his name out there but we're not together so what's he gonna do like no suck it so then um keaton winds up getting the internship and he is talking to annika and he's like i don't know what to do like i've tried to reach out to him i've tried to talk to him he's not responding
to me i'm going to chili for two months and he's getting he got an internship with my dad's company and he's gonna be in new work or some [ __ ] for three months like i don't know what to do and annie is like listen if you really care for him you'll figure it out and he's like i have an idea so he writes a note i love this golden retreat for energy he's so cute he really is just a golden doodle yes very golden doodle he's very smart but also kind of dumb and very sweet
very sloppy very floppy yes very floppy so he writes a little note that says um i know like this hasn't been going well i get it um but i'm leaving please don't delete the kink app so then they start messaging each other while they're worlds away on the kink app um well i say that keaton messages luke often and luke has never responded so messaging each other is a bit of a strong statement yeah okay um but luke looks forward to it every day like he's really excited about these messages he
just knows that he was a huge [ __ ] and he doesn't know like what to do now he's like oh i made a mistake i don't know what to do i made a mistake and i don't know how to fix it so instead of just like responding i'm just going to look forward to all of the messages yes because it turns out the the ocean waters where keaton is are like some of the most dangerous in the world and so luke is like oh my god like please send me a message every day but also i'm not gonna ask you for that but
also please do that because i'm worried you're gonna die so regardless um luke does finally message back um after a few weeks and keaton's super excited so they start this back and forth um luke sees keaton's dad and keaton's dad is like oh man like he probably would be sending me those pictures of the sunset if i hadn't been such a colossal douchebag and luke's like i am not going to comment on my boss's relationship with his son who i am [ __ ] mine i'm just going to leave that alone in
the elevator at the office um but uh eventually keaton is like where are we going like what's going on and um luke's like uh i don't know stop asking me questions i don't want to answer and keem's like okay well here's the deal my family has a huge summer party on this date i will be back then if you want to be with me i will see you there and if not i am done and that's it so day the party comes and he is playing badminton with annie um having a great time but not really
he's just staring waiting to see if luke shows up and of course he does it's all very exciting and um so it's all very it's all very exciting everything is exciting to a golden doodle yes they have a a sweet little hug moment um keaton takes him on a tour introduces him to his mom and luke's like oh my god like i'm meeting his mother i [ __ ] him like an hour ago in the neighbor's pool oh jesus he's like oh god i think we skipped over that we did in my head i was like they made it to the
party sweet golden doodle introduces him to his mother no they go on a field trip because they're very randy to the neighbor's pool because the neighbor is at the party at keaton's house so he's like she's not gonna be home for a minute why don't we just so that's how that happens and then um they meet his mom luke meets his mom it's all very sweet luke finally dances for keaton he has never done that but he does a little dance for him and then it's all basically happily ever
after all the charges against luke were officially dropped his brother was arrested and convicted and he's still got a tpo out on him anyway just in case um luke's gonna be the fraternity president keaton's very happy with him annika's very happy in her new relationship and it's all very sweet and wonderful and that's that's it that's top secret there's it's not top secret i was literally just thinking like so what's what's top secret about it nothing not a lot like at one point
one of the lines that stands out to me the most is that um when keaton first starts messaging luke on the app and like experimenting he's like i guess i'm just vacationing in my own mental syria because this is an area i don't go to and it's like what what does that have to do with this what does top secret have to do with this it's very loosely we're making loose associations like when i think top secret i think like espionage um is there any espionage i missed no
it's just them not telling people that they're banging that's what's secret but so what's our rating system for this one i was just thinking that maybe lobster emojis for the lobster shorts that's fair we've already done lobster rolls oh i forgot about the lobster rolls maybe we should do something different then um well the a lobster emoji is different than a lobster roll it is different you're correct um we could do chubby shorts [Laughter] we could do the length of shorts because
so from speedo to like jenko is that what we're doing yeah i wait no i i'm here for this because i mean so here's my husband the shorter the better well but here's the thing it's not necessarily the shorter the better my husband is a very thick side man okay um the first time i saw him in shorts i was like i think each of my husband's legs are individually the size of my head like he has some tree trunks on him um our future children will be some thick thighed fellows like it it is what it is
my husband like we like we did crossfit for a while um like i've seen my husband do like 400 pound squats like these are not small thighs um and because of that shorts are difficult like so we like the chubby shorts actually work really well but they have them in several lengths and it's not necessarily the shorter the better it's that they're like have like more leg room and like width to them if you're right right um but i do think that it's like the five inch inseam is the one that my husband
wears although when you look at my husband you're not like sky's that does out am i right you're just like oh those shorts look normal and appropriate on you longer shorts tend to look a little weirder this is a very long tangent about my husband's size so sorry why how did why because we're talking about short lengths like the length of shorts so yeah from speedo to jenko to jayco but again like which is better that's what i'm saying like shorter the better or longer the better
well i think the shorter better and keaton would say the shorter the better i would agree yeah so so where are we talking on on the lobster short length i have a lot of hand motions going on that y'all are missing um you know what i'm going to say well at least above the knee oh for sure above the knee um i would give it i would give it a five inch inseam that's what i was gonna say yeah i mean i love this book it's very comforting it's fun there's there's enough plot to like keep you in it
it's like it's very endearing it is very endearing it's very sweet between the two of them like i just i really love the golden doodle energy there's a lot of gold on doodles how many golden doodles wearing shorts would you rank it definitely at least eight and a half yeah i don't know how many it's out of but at least eight and a half i don't know how many it's out of either but at least eight and a half and dogs wearing clothes is the best oh my god so yes we love top secret serena bowen and l
kennedy excellent work ladies thank you so much we appreciate you yes we rate it a five inch inseam we rate it at least eight and a half dogs wearing clothes um what do y'all think what do y'all rate it read it let us know absolutely we hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and thanks for joining us thanks y'all bye next week on smart club it goes from six to midnight real fast with the level of like physical flirty intimacy chemistry between them um he puts the next song on
the jukebox and it's phil collins i can feel it in the air tonight and he is like apparently it turns into like a weird sexual thing he does double check her age she's 23 so she is legal um i made note of that um but yeah he starts dancing with her to phil collins and kissing her and feeling her up very intimately and then at some point he's like i want to hear you scream and she goes i want you to make me scream like i'm like what well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]
we hope it was good for you because it sure was great for us if you're digging what we're doing it would mean a lot if you take a minute to rate and review the show wherever you're listening right now maybe tell that sexy someone to let us in here we love you we appreciate you and we'll see you next week stay spotty [Music] you