EP 12: Rock

well hello all you beautiful people you know what time it is ladies and gents guys and dolls and everyone in between gather round get you something real nice to sip on and comfy to slip on because it's time for smut club here's your hosts chelsea and hannah [Applause] without ray j where would the kardashians be the answer is nowhere so that is the energy we are bringing into this episode of smut club welcome i'm hannah i'm chelsea honestly i don't even know if the intro to the show has already

happened because you really just jumped in and there may be some editing so hello hey everyone thank you for joining us um we were having a really existential debate on where the kardashians would be without ray jay's involvement yeah um and chelsea's husband decided to hit play and so now or record or whatever the [ __ ] here we are i really don't have an answer except i do feel like ray j just not gonna get enough credit for the enemy on their lives he doesn't he deserves a

lot more than he's gotten although i do also think of moisha who is it his stepsister real sister i think it's it is his sister i just remember she is his sister's sister sorry oh no i just remember when militia was on punk'd and she did not handle that no she didn't no she that was not a good look on her like some people like i feel like punch was really the make or break like are they gonna take it in stride or are they gonna show out she showed she really did um

much like the book we're gonna review today so here's the thing guys hannah and i need a lot of alcohol for this episode hannah's wine glass is missing um i can't do anymore i can't i i literally pounded the glass that i had in preparation for this and it's gonna have to just do for what's gonna hap happen you know i respect your moderation and knowing your body's limits thank you i poured myself more before we started but i also didn't pound mine before we started so i 100

different approaches i am regretting not pounding mine but i also there's still time well here's the thing hannah i had a speech impediment as a small child we know i struggle with the word wolf and wolf and i recognize i slur easily so i have more i have to take more of a paste approach and just drink continuously throughout the episode because like you compound beforehand and be fine throughout it if i pound beforehand i'm just gonna sound like this and then my words are gonna slur and

i don't want them to slur well i also have to drive eventually so that's also part of it i wasn't i think that is also a wise decision i wasn't even thinking of driving i was just thinking of trying to sound like a competent human while we recorded this episode however no one in this book that we're going to review today is competent but we haven't even told you what book it is yet because honestly yeah like we were like whoo this one is gonna be a book to get through so today

we are doing a joint review of rock by j.a huss um it is worth just stating straight out the gate this entire book was inspired by constantine by something corporate um like and their lead singer andrew mcmahon yes and um the nine and a half minute piano rock ballad that is constantine mind you i'm a big something corporate fan i'm a big jax mannequin fan um but also i'd say like constantine was never the song i gravitated towards well all of that and i said this earlier

i feel like the only reason and again like don't at me about this but i feel like the only reason that constantine was like as popular as it was was literally because andrew mcmahon refused to play it and the reason that he refused to play it y'all is not because he was like this is my deeply personal ballad that i can never play it's because it was too long and it was gonna [ __ ] up his set like he said that in an interview it wasn't that it was like too much to play live it was just gonna

mess up the set it feels like we have a lot of feelings like i feel like all right so also what i pounded before we started is starting to hit so okay so rock by j house rock is our main character other names that he goes by are rowan kyle which does not roll off the tongue i want to be very clear and rk so definitely doesn't roll off no so we've got rock row and kyle or rk um he is the lead singer and front man for the wildly popular band son of a jack yep and so in the

prologue he is describing laying in bed with this girl named missy and talking about how much he loves her and it's very short but he's like i just love her so much like she's gonna be my one and only forever i'm gonna marry this girl and then the final sentence of the prologue is so why did i kill her i don't know that's how i feel like almost every chapter in this book it ends in a way that that is the music that i had going on in my head um and i i mean so

a lot of the books that we have reviewed are light on the plot you know like it's mostly banging and like a little bit of plot in there which is fine because this is smug club and that's what we did literally here for that is the first rule as previously established is that we talk about smut but in this one it's like j.a huss was like how much plot can i put into this without having a plot well and it feels like there's it's less that there's plot and more that it's just like

the mystery of what's gonna happen in the next chapter like the tension of suspense was really driving the plot more than there was a plot because i also feel like at the end of this book you're like wow we wrapped that up real quickly and yet i feel like a lot of things are left completely unanswered here yeah we've got a lot that is unresolved in this so i guess instead of warning you of what's to come we can just hop in and it's also worth knowing all right we got rock row

and kyle rk he's gonna answer to all three he really uses the names depending on who he's with so like the people he grew up with he is rowan kyle the people who know him as a superstar rock god know him as rock close personal friends call him rk yes and it's also worth noting he is a recovering addict which kills me y'all it uh we'll get we'll be yeah there's a lot there just kills but what we kind of know going in is that he's in recovery for opiates opiates and had his bandmates

had forced him into rehab last year and there's there's more to unpack there um but that's kind of where we're jumping in so in the first chapter he goes home to some small town in colorado yes so eight weeks ago um what we know at this juncture is eight weeks ago there was a car crash that killed his entire band except for the drummer his drummer kenner um who he has not been in contact with um rock rhone kyle rk has been in rehab for the last eight weeks and we know his throat was injured in

this house so he's not in in in rehab for substances he's in rehab for his phase three larynx fracture wait what i missed that yeah i thought it was a like a hybrid he was there both because of his awareness fracture and because of his sub his history of substance use no so i literally just finished listening i just finished reading it this morning [ __ ] when i got here like i don't know in chelsea's driveway so he has by his report eight months clean from opiates yes

and so he's not in rehab for substances he is in rehab for like physical therapy type rehab for the injuries he sustained in this accident they are not nearly clear enough about this i've read this book twice too many times honestly you're not wrong i feel like most of hannah and i's text threads have been damn we are still rereading this one um because also in like with the backstory that we like have to have going into this um the the girl from the prologue missy is

a twin yes her name is also melissa so she goes by both melissa and missy which is in case you weren't confused enough by rowan kyle rk rock well and so then to make it even more confusing missy melissa is a twin identical identical twin and her twin's name is mel so you you like you think melanie yeah right so you have melissa and melanie who you think could both be nicknamed mel because it is the first three letters of both of their first names just throwing that out there but instead we have

mel and melissa who are identical twins yes um and rock survived the crash that killed melissa five years ago on prom night on prom night so that's a trauma we gonna come back to again and again more than you want to more than i want to more than anyone wants to yes so he in the first chapter he comes home to this small town in colorado for the first time in five years the first time since melissa's funeral he comes home and he gets to his house and his so it's

the house that like he had grown up and yeah and his dad passed away last year yeah and he did not go home for the future yes he did not go home for the funeral and the house was left to rowan kyle rk rock and the his dad also had a bar called floats which was left to rk's brother tj toby john which also doesn't roll off the tongue no like who named them somebody drunk right so rock is released to his home that he inherited from his father his father is no longer living and

rock's brother tj inherited floats which is the family bar essentially yes and rk has been essentially like not house arrest but county arrest so he's not allowed to leave the county where his hometown is in for the time being yes there's an investigation because of the death of his bandmates and so he has been told he can't leave the county until the investigation is over so like he gets to his house and then melissa not melissa mel i'm gonna they are so confusing this

entire book lord help us all so melanie shows up at his house and is on just like full of angst like comes out super [ __ ] honestly i feel like most of their their interactions i'm like neither of you all right if we're just like going full gottman theory like if we're going for like couples counseling i'm like we have all four horsemen we really do have all four horsemen man that joke is going to be for a select few but the ones who get it will love it um but like i feel like one of the things

that john and julie gottman talk a lot about is how you engage in conflict is representative of how that conflict is going to potentially resolve because if you come out swinging it's going to be way harder to resolve conflict right it's just going to escalate yes and i feel like that's just like what happens this entire book yeah is i'm like no one is wanting to come into these conversations to just have like normal conversations so no one's here to resolve anything

right it's like melanie just like shows up and is full of all of this angst um and it's like i have a lot i've been wanting to say to you all this time yeah and rock like flips out when he first gets home and takes a sledgehammer to some like concrete blocks that are in the garage or something and so mel finds him on his knees in the garage and he has just let out this like guttural scream which is unwise because of his phase 3 larynx fracture i got really stuck on that i was like is that

a thing i had to look it up it is a thing and i was like ok ok i guess i mean what the [ __ ] it's soft tissue damage it can't be a fracture fractures are for bones whatever that's i shouldn't guess that's not gonna be the largest plot hole we experienced today but it is an important one so melanie lays in to rk rock rock i why do i keep wanting to call him rook that's not even his name lord help us rock that's just i'm gonna i'm i'm choosing one of his three names because

i'm not gonna say row and kyle each time yeah and so melanie lashes out at him and then honestly i don't really remember but like then he goes to floats so he goes to his brother's bar well we're missing something important so she follows him into the house and she's like you're gonna talk to me and he like makes motions that he can't because of his throat and then they like hate [ __ ] on the floor and it right probably i'm pretty sure i can't remember if that was that one or the

next time that they interacted but i think you're right i'm pretty sure it's the first time and he's like i hate you because you're not her like right after she i think that might be slightly in the future because never mind okay yeah that's but that's gonna happen real soon though so it's pretty much the same my bad so he does go to floats trying to find drugs for pain but also like to say hi to his brother and his brother much like mel also a dick just like such a dick completely

lays into him i'm not a fan of tj this entire time he's an [ __ ] this entire book so then like rk had gone to his brother's bar to see him and they're like you're just here for drugs and then he goes to the liquor store instead because that's what you want to have happen yeah but honestly at the liquor store he gets the best referral because the kid working at the liquor store is like my was it his uncle yeah he's like my uncle's an ent in the next town over and he can help you with your

throat issues and rk's like thumbs up thanks buddy right so i mean how many of us go to the liquor store and leave with a referral for a new ent and the guy does also offer him weed but rk's like i i can't smoke i can't smoke my throat yes um so then within all this we learned more about the band and the band mates so kenner is the drummer kenner survived and our yes had a lot of injuries but rk and kenner are the og to the band and then after they had decided they wanted to

start a band then you had ian moe and elias yes and elias join um but what we currently know is that elias ian and mo are dead [Laughter] and rk believes that he was driving and drove his car off a cliff or something and killed the three of them and injured himself and kenner so he has all this trauma because he's like melissa died on prom night because of me in a car crash and now all of my band mates have died because of me in a car crash five years later um so when

rk gets home from the liquor store melanie is in his bed yep and then he screams for her to get out of the house and then she like while he screams like get out she's like stripping and is like why don't you feel me up instead and then rk is like oh she sounds so much like her dead sister who i was in love with so i'm just gonna get into this instead and then that yeah nigeria is when they hate [ __ ] and then when she's like i hate you for leaving and he's like i

hate you for not being the one that i want right so then she puts it pushes him off of her and it's very clear that she comes during this but it's not clear if he comes and in the second reread i was like does he not does he not i got the impression he did not like me too yeah no i definitely got the impression that like they were mid-hate [ __ ] she finished they got into a fight while his dick was inside of her right and then she pushes him off and leaves like slaps him across the face

yeah like kicks him off of her and although i mean to be fair yeah like if i had a identical twin sister and i were [ __ ] a dude and he was like i hate you for not being the sister i want i would probably not respond great to that either no he had poor timing if he wanted to finish he should have saved that for later he has only himself to blame here so then he calls his manager jace um jace is like a tiny sprite of a human that very fast yeah like kicks but takes names i don't know like

she's they all love her um but then jace is like i have to report that you're home if you don't want the sheriff issuing a warrant for your arrest and then but like we don't really know we don't understand all of these threats and we don't really understand what's happening and we're not arrested right then we know kenner has woken up but kenner doesn't remember anything yeah so ken what happened is texting rock and he's like what the [ __ ] is happening don't leave

me here he tries to call him and rock is like i can't talk right now like physically yes he's like my throat is broken and kenner's like please come see me and then jace calls and is like no more communication with kenner yeah she's like tanner's confused and he needs time to recover so no more communication um which we don't think anything of right now but then like in the future you're like that's a little weird so then the next chapter starts and it's just this like super hard pivot where

rk wakes up to knocking on his car window because he's sleeping in his running car on a monday morning in the parking lot for the ent doctor that the liquor store kid referred him to yeah and all this happens on a saturday night so he's lost all of sunday and the ent is like i don't have a ton of appointments this morning like do you want to come in like let me take a look at you rock and so he does he goes in and the guy does an evaluation he's like you've

clearly exacerbated your injury were you doing a lot of yelling and he was like maybe a little bit and he was like we'll cut that [ __ ] out and gives him a prescription for anti-inflammatories and opiates and he's like i am not here to dictate whether or not you can manage your pain um but please don't fill this unless you need to and then he's also like and here's a referral for a licensed therapist she's upstairs a licensed psychologist she's her credentials are lp phd lp

so yes licensed psychologist although i have a lot of questions about her ethics that we'll come to in the future so yes he gets this referral then he goes to the pharmacy picks it up gets home he does not fill the opiates he only fills the anti-inflammatories valid good good point way to give him credit i'm trying to do something why i don't know i don't know anymore honestly that's okay so he gets home from filling the anti-inflammatory not the opiate prescription um once again to find mel

in his bed and so sleeping yeah she's like completely sleeping in his bed and so he's like well i guess i'm gonna go take a shower and then when he gets out of the shower she's gone she's gone but then he starts to notice like a lot of her belongings throughout his house so then he decides he's gonna go over to her house to confront her yes um but then we go to a flashback where we learn that mel and missy with their twin status um mel would frequently pretend to be missy yeah so mel tried to

convince rock that she was missy to go on some kind of like weekend trip with him and missy shows up while rock is kissing mel and he's like wait a minute who what the [ __ ] is happening like you are not missy and she's like it was worth a try and like leaves and he's like what the [ __ ] is happening right now and we learned that like she's done this a lot there have been times where they look where they have like cottoned onto it quickly there have been times where

you just never really know which twin it was so we have that flashback just like suddenly learning like melissa would pretend to be missy on an ongoing basis melanie would pretend to be missy what did i say melissa melissa would pretend to be messy melissa is missing whatever what the [ __ ] is this book they are the same they're both mel god damn it like i'm like they could have named these characters in such an easier capacity yes come on i apologize damn it melanie

was pretending to be melissa yes mel was pretending to be missy yes and we we don't know how often she did it but for all intents and purposes it seems as though she pretended to be her twin a lot yes and then we flash back to the present and i don't know what happens it's a lot so back to the present um rook not why do i keep calling him rook that's not even a name in this book i don't know why this is a thing for me rock just like goes to floats um but like when he walks in like all

eyes are kind of on him like the band like announces he's there yeah well because um melanie is on stage singing and playing with the band and he's there because he wants to get something to eat and so he's feels all awkward and then tj suddenly is being really nice to him yeah like tj's like i'm sorry i was such a dick last night in my head i'm like you were a dick last night uh yeah like you couldn't even say hello you haven't seen your brother in five years

and you can't even say hello okay lay into him yeah okay um so he sees some friends from childhood sean and gretchen who can [ __ ] all the way we will we'll get to gretchen in the future but it's also like they're like childhood friends that he hasn't been close to but it just seemed weird when they were like we all tried to come and visit you when you were in the hospital but like they wouldn't let us in and you're like none of you seem that close like at no point is he reaching out trying to

engage with any of them the only time that he ever engages with him is if he happens to be in person in the same space right so i'm very confused as like why they like talk about them as if they're like these like besties for life yes yeah um so rk gets his take out to go he picks it up and then falls asleep and then wakes up to find melanie in his room again and then she's like i moved into your house from across the street from my house when your dad got sick

two years ago to take care of taking care of is dying and you're like wait what so you've just been living in this house and then rk like loses it and screams at her and then is kissing her and then melanie is like if you close your eyes i'm her which is gross and weird like and then she started to like suck his dick and then he's like no i can't do this yeah he's like if melissa is looking down on me right now i do not want her to see this right and he's like sorry like

you're not the one i love but then plot twist she's like i am the one you love i'm not mel i'm missy and he's like [ __ ] all the way off no you're not get out of my house and kicks her out while she's naked basically what a day that was all around like honestly like if we like if we we could keep going but like we could stop and just process that there what is even happening nothing and everything like his brother is being a dick not being a dick he runs into some old

friends he gets them take out he goes home his ex is like i've been living in your house for the last two years because i was taking care of your dying father also i'm not melanie i'm melissa i'm missy i'm the twin you are in love with yep and she keeps saying it over and over and he's like get the [ __ ] out this is the most [ __ ] up thing you've ever done to me i hate you you've always lied to me and she's like no seriously come on now like it's me and he's like no it's not which also like

it's he's been home for a minute they've already engaged in some sexual stuff yeah and all of the comments she made were saying that she's melanie that yeah and that melissa's dead yeah okay so [ __ ] it so he passes out whatever we we uh we can't figure out the mysteries of this book he he passes out wakes up the next morning like someone trying to like kick in his front door and it finds it to be jace his manager who then tj and tj but then like they're making comments like we told her

not to say a word to you like i think jay showed up and said that and like yeah showed up like she's a lion [ __ ] and it's like what right and then all of the random hometown friends show up show up including gretchen and yeah including gretchen who she's in school to be an lmft and she licensed marriage and family therapist thank you but you know what she's not no she's not an lmft yet she's still in school and hasn't done any sort of residency program or associate license

program or whatever the [ __ ] you call it in whatever state you live in but all i'm saying is she is not equipped to be a fully licensed therapist and she shouldn't be touching any of this because they're her personal friends for [ __ ] sake yeah honestly i love when personal friends come to me and ask for [ __ ] and then i'm like i'm so sorry that would be an ethical violation unfortunately ethically i can't help you but i can provide you with some referrals thanks bye

right or i'm gonna sit there and eat my popcorn and tell them exactly what i think i'd be like thank god this is in therapy so i can tell you my exact thoughts but then yes so like everyone shows up and then everyone is like no mel was telling the truth she's not mel she is in fact missy yeah and he's like she has fooled everyone like this is not missy this is melanie i don't believe it and then he's like maybe i do and she's like please give us a chance and he's like okay

let's do it because i'm gonna prove that you are melanie none of it makes any sense y'all like no matter which way you slice it we can't make it better because then after this whole revelation the next scene starts rk is back in his car waking up in the [ __ ] ent parking lot wearing rock climbing gear wearing rock climbing gear and then the ent like looks at him and he's like yeah you're fine but you really need to go up and upstairs and see margie the licensed psychologist um

and but it's like it's one of those things where he's like we've never met before like i've never seen her before and then she is sitting there being like we went over this years ago mel died and then tells him he has selective dissociative amnesia which ah it's just not that's not gonna be the first poor diagnosis given in the well no it is the first it's not gonna be the last diagnosis it's not gonna be the last because and then she keeps saying he's experiencing dissociative fugue states

where he apparently goes rock climbing well we'll learn more about those but it is one of those where you're like this isn't a thing like he blacks out and wakes up in rock climbing here because she does tell him she's like there's pictures all over facebook of you rock climbing with your fans and so like she like pulls about all of these pictures and shows them but then he's like wait do i only black out from mel's memories when i try and remember what happened on prom night

who knows it's a mystery [Laughter] that is where i'm at right now props for that and we're nowhere near done so you better keep going we buckling in for this so um he leaves the therapist after she's like telling him he has selective dissociative amnesia and then gets back to his house and all of the friends are there again all of these like childhood friends and then everyone is like once again saying no mel really was pretending to be missy because gretchen had a master plan the

the girl who's in school to potentially be a therapist had a plan to prote have missy pretend to be mel yeah to like stage some kind of intervention or something to see if he would remember he clearly did not nope he failed that test he failed that test real bad yeah um so then he goes to sit alone with his piano and ponder his thoughts and starts playing this nine-minute piano ballad allah constantine um that he had performed at mel's funeral aka missy's funeral missy's funeral that

he wrote for his dead childhood love whichever one she was whatever we playing this nine-minute ballad he looks out the window and missy's just standing there sobbing watching him and so then he like opens the door and brings her in when he's done playing and then he's like wait he's like did you tell your sister to break up with me on prom night if it wasn't you did you tell your sister to break up with me on prom night and she's like no okay but she says no but then she's also

like i didn't but we were going different places yeah like her tone is very much like i might not have been the one to initially pull the trigger but like the trigger was there and my finger was on it yes like my sister just tripped and pulled the trigger but like i had it fully locked and loaded beforehand so she's like we were going different places but then starts trying to explain mel's behavior yeah um well and she also says like so apparently rock never wanted to be

a rock star he wanted to go to school for music and just do music and live a quiet life she wanted to be a rock star she did not want to go to school and so that's why they were going different directions also i don't think we ever mentioned they are across the street neighbors and their dads were best friends and we're also in a rock band together who were like a one-hit wonder kind of fan but they continued to write and sell their songs to other bands but none of that matters in light of

mel's childhood schizophrenia jesus christ and so you have missy being like mel was your girlfriend at least half the time she was sick and he's like [ __ ] off and she's like no seriously she was sick it was this childhood schizophrenia and she starts describing like the first time they switched places they were six years old and melanie woke up one day and said i'm missy you're melanie let's see if we can fool the adults and like made it a game and melissa felt like it was just a game like

this is so bad that chelsea is just dying like she's just coughing because she is ready to die that's so unnecessarily dramatic i have a tickle in my throat that i can't seem to get rid of no matter how hard do i have a layering structure i do i'm pretty much rk this book was based off of my life and andrew mcmahon right me and something corporate inspired this book so she is like explaining essentially sociopathic behavior from melanie well but also don't forget

she like starts telling him this stuff and she's like no she had childhood schizophrenia then he gets all pissed and he leaves and goes to like the next town over to go to a bar oh right right right and so he just like wanted to go sulk alone so i want to pause for a moment because we are not describing the symptoms of childhood schizophrenia not at all anyone who has ever heard of the dsm can probably tell you this is not what childhood schizophrenia looks like no first of all childhood

schizophrenia is extremely rare extremely rare and when it happens it is not like literal sociopathic behavior yes like the way they're describing it in this book is like a manipulative six-year-old who intentionally takes over her her twins personality yeah and then just continues to do it for the next 12 years that is not childhood schizophrenia childhood schizophrenia is like you know having hallucinations yeah i i i think we can leave it there oh my childhood schizophrenia because it

really does hurt it's me hey there smud puppies we'll get you right back to the show in just a moment but first do you like us maybe even love us because we sure love you and if you do love us don't tease us tell us in those ratings and reviews wherever you're listening right now maybe even send us over to a special sexy someone that would enjoy getting smutty with us because you know the first rule of smug club is to talk about smut club all right i won't keep you any longer

let's get back to the show [Music] so rk goes to out of town to another bar so he can sulk alone but then like everyone shows up at the bar to make sure he's okay tj gretchen and missy all show up yes and then missy's like i just want the car ride back to the house to explain can you just give me the car ride home which is three hours damn was it really three hours yeah he drove a long ass way i i knew it was out of the county i don't think i realized it was that far

yeah whatever that was a weird matter and so technically this drive is where they start to explain that like the that mel started taking over missy's life when she was like six um but then we also learn that on prom night mel pushed missy and locked her into the like back like their basement bathroom yeah like knocked her out like didn't just push her but like pushed her she hit her head and i think i wrote punched not pushed well it doesn't mean it's a very small font ultimately

it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter regardless it does not missy was knocked out melanie locked her up in the basement their dads both rk's dad and mel and missy's dad were away out of town and so missy wakes up she's banging on the door trying to get out screaming but nobody can hear her and melanie put on missy's prom dress and all of her jewelry and stuff um to go to prom with rock and like we also learned that like missy didn't [ __ ] with mel like taking

over her life like she like cut all of her hair off and then mel pitched to fit until their dad took both of them to the salon and then like they had matching haircuts again yeah so there's just like a lot of like okay essentially i mean we've probably explained this enough mel's a psychopath we understand but we also don't we also don't know if his current girlfriend love interest is mel or melissa right um so then what oh so then the next morning missy gets up for work and she is a

server at floats tj smart for brunch on the weekends so the night before rock agreed to let her stay at his house so she sleeps in his bed and he sleeps on the couch so she gets up for work at like five o'clock in the morning goes into the kitchen and he wakes up and she's like you should come with me and he's like no and she's like no seriously like come with me well so she's like come with me and then when he finally caves he's like okay well i need to like go find some

new clothes and i think this is one of my favorite scenes in the entire book because he goes to change clothes and his manager jace had sent all of his stuff and so he's like going through the boxes and sees one labeled gear and it's rock climbing gear then he's like i don't want missy looking into this so he tapes the box back up and puts a label on it that just says secret yeah and i'm like i'm sorry has anyone ever seen a box labeled secret and not been like that's the one

i am immediately [ __ ] up that's the one that you write like bathroom or clothes or something on that you don't want people going into what you don't write is secret or kitchen because people are going to go into [ __ ] that says kitchen because i need kitchen stuff or a secret because i want to know what's in there yeah all i'm saying is if you really wanted it to be a secret you screwed the pooch on this one that is not how you go about like also he labeled it secret rk so

it's not even someone else's secret it is clearly only his secret i'm like i i feel like we really missed an opportunity here but whatever so they they go to brunch at floats and i don't know his relationship with his brother tj is really weird i never really get it but a waitress comes up to him and has a ticket stub for a show from boston from the previous year and is like oh my gosh could you please sign this ticket stub i was at this show and it would mean a lot to me and

the tj sees this happening and it's his waitress and he's like no i've told all of the staff not to harass my brother not to bother him and get like super pissed at the waitress right and her name is alice he's like alice get away from him yes and so rk is like okay i was just trying to be play i'm gonna bounce now like i do not care yeah um and then they get home from brunch i don't know am i missing something there i mean he goes out to help the guys who are working the dock because floats is

on the lake um and so he goes out to help the guys who are working the dock and to get prepared for the music festival season i'm still not quite sure what's happening yeah something like that a a pre-festival party yeah then there's i don't know if it's like a music festival i'm still not really fully understanding again but it doesn't matter it does not matter ryoko's not rook dammit holy [ __ ] rock goes um and is helping and then miss e is done with her brunch shift and

they go back to the house yeah and then they shower together and then they reminisce and then they go back to floats yeah but they don't bang and they're just in the shower like bathing each other and then she's like you should come to floats tonight i'm playing and he's like bet let's do this and then like at floats that night also they have not had these conversations like he's saying to people he's like i'm i'm here to support my future wife and like then

does he pull her into the break room is that what it is does that happen then i think it does happen then so he watches her on stage there's a lot of security there's a lot of sheriff's deputies and people around for security he's like you guys there's like 35 people who live in this town you can probably calm down but and we never understand why there are so many of them well later i guess we do but presently we do not and so he's watching her on stage and he's like holy [ __ ] that's the

hottest thing i've ever seen and he's drinking um a lot and then he pulls her away and she takes him into the employee break room and they bang and then he tells her he loves her and comes inside of her yep and he is like how could i have ever doubted that this was missy obviously this is missy i'm also like was it just having your dick in her that made you convinced well and the thing is they never had sex when they were teenagers he never banged her before so their first bang was that hate

[ __ ] when he got home where she was pretending to be her dead twin yeah yeah there's a lot here [Laughter] so anyway he they [ __ ] he comes inside her tells her he loves her but unfortunately the next morning yet again he wakes up in the ent parking lot yes and once again he's wearing rock climbing gear he lost a whole day so this that was saturday night it's now monday morning he lost all of sunday and then the ent was like i'm not seeing you go straight to the therapist or

something like that so he goes and he's talking to the therapist and then margie is a psychologist none of it she is having not a single bit of it she's over it well and here's the frustrating thing she's over it but in a way we're like she knows all of the details and he doesn't and i'm like hey maybe if you just like clued him in on some [ __ ] this would be a lot easier but she does not but she starts like talking about the night that mel died and she's like no we

talked about this the night that mel died like we talked and then he like she's like why do you think you survived the crash and she didn't do you remember it and he's like i don't and she's like well then you need to go to the library and look up the articles right like she's like you're not trying hard enough you need to be an active participant in your recovery you need to go figure this out i'm not having this conversation again you are not allowed to come back here

without enough but like also kind of [ __ ] her yes like he is showing up without an appointment but at the same time i was like you know all of these details and you just keep telling him like you need to go answer the trolls riddles three and like get your answers and i'm just like we are not setting him up for success while getting really pissed off at him for not doing this lord of the rings the man is ill you just told him he's having dissociative fugue states and we're not

going to help him or give him any haldol like jesus christ we're going to send him to the [ __ ] library well and so here's my thing he goes to the library and he's talking to the librarian is like hey i'd really love to see the news articles from like the days because the library is closed that day but the librarian is there prepping for some reading programs honestly i could not have even told you the library was closed i did not give a [ __ ] well so i remember that because he's like

smooshing his face into the window to try to see if he can get in and the librarian is like oh hello margie said you would stop by no i honestly i remember that part because i remember thinking when he goes into the library and starts looking through everything then the librarian comes up to him and it's like hey just want to let you know margie called and checked in with the sheriff for you and i'm like so his therapist is just calling everyone in town with

updates which is quite literally not how hippo works no at all not even a little bit and so i don't know that really rubbed me the wrong way because i'm like this book is not painting therapist in a positive light and we try really hard to not be these people but also she's not actively treating him the man has clearly not signed an informed consent he's just shown up at her office twice and she's been like i know secrets about your past go find him and then he's like can i have some help

and she's like don't come back without an appointment and a trip to the library and i'm still so confused by it she's like um i could help you right now but instead i would like to encourage you to go on a scavenger hunt so he is looking at this news article and like and he keeps in his head every time he reads it it says melissa vetty died from and it's like blurry and he can't read it yeah and so he has to ask the librarian he's like what does this say and she's like it says melanie

yeah and which gives the impression that apparently christ and everybody in this county knows that this poor man is experiencing some kind of weird trauma response delusion situation and is just chilling about it like everyone is in on this weird town secret but nice but it also feels like they're very quick to get pissed off at him and i'm like i don't know what you want from this man but you are not setting him up for success so he leaves the library she gives him a

printout of the article because he's like i can't read this right now it's a very important piece and then he drives back to his house and the sheriff is there yeah and the sheriff is like pissed that he'd escaped their lookouts i don't know yeah apparently the sheriffs have been like chilling on their street to keep an eye out and he somehow is getting past them and they're like how did you get to your car at floats because gretchen had given him a ride home yeah cause i'd had so much to drink

right is fair and then rk is like i rappelled off the cliff behind my house that i'd installed some anchors in my second day home and you're like what the [ __ ] and he's like in my heart i knew it to be true yeah he's like i had no idea how i knew that happened but i knew in my heart it was true and i'm like this feels like something you should know if you're installing anchors into a cliff feels unsafe so you can repel down it so he rappelled down the rock face

hiked to his vehicle in town and then drove to the ent slash therapist office and fell asleep in his truck in the parking lot but doesn't remember the entire day chelsea literally just twitched she literally just twitched it i really i don't think i realized but you're not wrong at all well so then like the sheriff is laying into him and then while he was out missy found his rock climbing gear yeah she's like the [ __ ] is this and then he's like now's a good time to tell

you i've been blacking out and rock climbing when i do and he's like suddenly i know the names of all of these pieces of equipment okay right and then so from there we suddenly jump to like them talking about the news article that he brought home and so he like says he read an article and this is where we actually find out mel died by suicide yes and it was not a car it was not a car accident so rock was not responsible for her death she died by suicide and he finally remembers

her jumping from the cliff yes and there's a lot of detail is this where he has the whole flashback i could not [ __ ] tell you i skimmed it well regardless he has a whole flashback at some point i'm gonna assume it's here where he remembers driving like he remembers prom she didn't want to dance with him she was being really weird all night and he was like what is going on and she is basically breaking up with him and he's like what is happening she's like i'm not sleeping with you tonight and

he's like i've been waiting for this for years you think that that's going to make a difference to me like i just want to spend time with you like why are you being like this and she grabs the wheel while they're on this very treacherous road and nearly takes them off and he's like what the [ __ ] is wrong with you and she's like pull over pull over i want to drive pull over he she's like you're drunk he's like i had literally two drinks over six hours can you calm the [ __ ] down and the

answer is no she cannot she's like i will do it again unless you pull over and so he pulls over at this little turnout like turn-off point on the road and she gets out and he's suddenly like you're not missy you're melanie and she's like no i'm melanie i'm melanie and oh yeah no i'm missy i miss you and then he she gets up onto the guard rail like standing on the guard rail where there's like 150 foot drop and a cop pulls up and is coming towards them and she's like

she's like he's like this is obviously melanie like please get down please get down and she's like say my name i'm missy i'm missy won't you feel terrible when you realize that i was missy and he's like was um excuse me past tense pardon me um and so he's like missy okay just please come down like he's trying to talk her down off this guardrail and she's like um basically you did this you killed me i'm missy and then jumps [Laughter] it's not funny i mean it is funny but

it's i mean come on y'all what it's also like damn this whole book so then flashback to the present yeah and he is asking missy to like come out to l.a with him yeah and it's been this weird thing because like she was the one who had the dream of being a rock star and he was the one who went and lived that dream and but then like you can't tell you're like does she want that life does she not want that life what does she want because honestly then they just had a

weird fight i don't like it nor do i care to get it and then she was like you need to go finish the funeral song yeah which is like i'm not coming with you to la like that's not you're just running away i'm not doing that but so the nine-minute song that he had performed at mel's funeral had previously been leaked yeah um which we then find out his dad was the one who had recorded it and leaked it but it's one of those songs that he'd never played again and everyone was always chanting and

everyone was always wanting him to perform the song right because it never had a name um and melanie or melanie [ __ ] a missy was like you need to finish it i think it's really important blah blah blah blah um and so sh he's like i i don't the piano's out of tune i can't do it and she's like well lucky for you this whole recording studio in your dad's basement did you forget about your dad's recording studio so he had he had and she had fully stocked it with food and stuff for him

to go down there not what you stock a music studio in a house with when you just have a kitchen just walk upstairs all i'm saying is then he's like i wouldn't like he just like doesn't sleep and has a manic episode and finishes the song and then you realize he's like been up for like two days um so then he's like you need to come hear the song and then plays it for her and then he's like no well like i want to record another version with kenner in the future but like you're the only one

who will ever hear this version and then deletes it i'm like what is even the point of this this side thing that's going on so then we move forward to the pre-season party for whatever has been going on the preseason parties that flipped and it's a ticketed event and barack is kind of like why is it a ticketed event why is it a big deal and then missy kind of discloses it so they could have a roster for the sake of security because there are threats being made against rock to know like who is

there like who's coming in and this is just for the bands who are going to be performing at this festival and like the people who are working it and the staff and that's it it's supposed to be there correct and then rock is trying to ask his brother tj about kenner and realizing like his brother kind of keeps pushing it off and then rock kind of starts to realize he's like wait i'm not the one who's not willing to talk about my accident with my bandmates like no one else is willing to talk about

yeah tj's like we'll talk about it tomorrow we'll talk about it tomorrow not tonight man like just enjoy yourself not tonight and this is a wednesday which does wind up being relevant because then he takes missy home and they bang again no no oh oh i forgot yeah so as the party goes on and he's drinking more he like goes to the bathroom and comes out and runs into a waitress the same waitress who had asked him to sign her ticket stub from the show in boston alice alice and

she's like a huge fan and has all of the most recent episodes of like metal notes magazine but all of the recent articles are like where is rock like yeah he's been on the cover for like three months and he's like what the hell yes and he like has no idea what's going on and then she also pulls out like a bunch of ticket stubs as well yeah then alice the waitress is like asking for these autographs and she's looking at me and she's like do you even remember me don't

you remember don't you remember and then tj shows up and he's like what the [ __ ] alice we've talked about this like stop fangirling over my brother you're fired um so then tj drives rock and missy home that night he was their designated driver but then missy starts like asking him about his rock climbing triggers and blackouts and whatever right she's like are you gonna black out tonight you do it every time you drink and he's like no i don't think it's related to drinking i

drank a lot when i was in la and she's like you never blacked out in l.a and he's like no i'm lying about that he doesn't say that out loud but he's like that's not true but he's like no of course not so then tj takes them home and they bone but then the next day rock wakes up in in a hospital yes and this very nice nurse whose name is also alice this elderly woman is like who seems to not have any [ __ ] to give about hipaa yeah hipaa is not a thing in this book it is

not fair this is the world where hipaa does not exist she's like i looked up all the information on your friend kenner here's what i know well until like he was here and then he was transferred to a high security facility because of the threats being made and then he was kind of like like rock is like wait what threats and then alice is like oh wait you don't remember i thought you'd remembered everything i didn't know you hadn't remembered or i wouldn't have said anything so i can't

say anything more and then you're like why the [ __ ] yeah she's like he was life-flighted from big bear in california and he's like california what the [ __ ] are you talking about all right but then alice the nurse does tell him that someone had smashed his throat in with a blunt object and his bandmates were shot and killed they were not killed in a car accident yes and kenner was also shot a few times and his arms were broken also with a blunt object yes but then the nurse is like saying to

rock she's like you know who it was but you made yourself forget so like then suddenly you're like oh [ __ ] the killer's still out there he didn't know like you like this book has gone from him being responsible for the death of like everyone to him being responsible for the death of no one but people still treating him like a social pariah for causing everyone's death yes i don't know maybe that's how i interpreted that but i do feel like i'm like everyone's

kind of addicted to him considering it seems as though he hasn't really done much of anything yes and then he is walking out of the hospital and he's like holy [ __ ] i'm bait that's why all these cops have been following me that's why all the extra security i'm bait to see if the killer is gonna show back up i'm bait yep and so then he drives home yeah so he realizes he's bait and then he gets home and then does he read the articles about him i don't know i honestly doesn't matter

yeah he does he does read the articles but they're not super helpful yeah they aren't super helpful he's just like getting more questions and answers like we are reading this book and then he gets home and realizes melissa missy is gone she is missing missing missing actually gone and like everybody's there tj the brother jace the manager gretchen the friend all the cops everybody is there and tj punches him in the face and is like where is she you did this just like

you killed your band i know that you did this where is she tell me where she is i really don't [ __ ] with dj the same time dick and he also this isn't really relevant but apparently he was in the military and was deployed several times and like is like an ultra badass or something i don't know so and apparently he's gonna run for mayor at some point in the future whatever yeah so he's not gonna be a good mayor if he lacks impulse control of this capacity but

so he like is all upset with rock and being like she's the reason like you're the reason she's gone and you're the reason she's missing and then he pulls rock into the vetti house so like missy's how she grew up in across the street from rock's house and there's like a full stalker murder wall with tons of photos of them and it says like lying [ __ ] and spray paint on the wall there's all these creepy like long distance photos of mel or missy changing and naked in the shower and all

of this stuff and he is like i didn't do this i got this wasn't this wasn't me and tj's like you're a [ __ ] face it was you where the [ __ ] is she and rock is like where is kenner well no so then the sheriffs are like hey tj we were on him this entire time he's at the hospital it was not him we have been on him this entire time right and so then tj's like well who hates you enough to kidnap your girlfriend and then rock is like whoever killed my band mates but then tj's like

you killed your bandmates and i'm like really i don't think he [ __ ] did i don't think you're giving your brother any credit he smashed his own throat with a blunt object of course as we all have so then they're like hey kenner is actually across the street waiting for you to talk right back at like rock's house he's waiting kenner also knows who did it but he won't talk until he talks to you so rock goes over to his house he sees kenner they have a little moment of well

and then they're also like we need to go someplace private in your house to talk because they found like the sheriff's found cameras in every room of your house she's been watching you this whole time yeah and you're like she's like you're just hearing like she's been watching this whole time and like your girlfriend is dead if we do this wrong but you're like who is she who is she we really still don't know and so then they're like we we don't have much time or she'll kill her like she killed

us yeah so then rock kicks everybody out of the house and then go down into the basement recording area so they can talk and kenner shows him all these photos of him with this very beautiful gorgeous blonde girl rock climbing and spending all this time with her and he's like hold the [ __ ] phone what well and so what we learn and what we realize is like oh this hot blonde who he's rock climbing with and all of these photos is alice the waitress no [ __ ] no one and by no one i mean everyone

saw that coming so like in this flashback and everything that's like kind of being pieced together alice had like they had met i think she had initially met kenner rock climbing and built trust and like has tried to meet the other people in the band and then alice was the one who actually started giving rock opiates and pills and like it kept escalating then everyone else and the heroine to heroin that's concluded heroin have a great day so then everyone in the band was like alice is bad news

bears and we should do something about that so then the band forced rock into rehab essentially to like protect him and get him away from alice this crazy chick this crazy chick but then alice showed up in big bear and just killed the entire band yeah am i missing something i feel like that's about how it went yeah so we have like a little bit of a flashback where rock starts to remember what happened and it's like the doorbell rang mo answered the door and is immediately like shot in the head

one of the other guys is like covered in his blood and stuff and then he gets shot and then she shoots somebody else and everybody's just in shock like standing there like what the [ __ ] is happening and then um rock remembers that he um tried to stop her it didn't work she tried to shoot kenner she did shoot him a couple of times and then she turned to rock and went to shoot him in the head but she was out of bullets and so it was empty so that's when she pulled out the baton

and beat him in the throat with it and then turned around and beat kenner with it because he was dying rock thought he was dead because he'd already been shot but he started screaming when his arms were just horribly crushed and so he's like at least he's alive and then um they start hearing sirens alice turns around stomps on his throat one last time he blacks out and she disappears this is so much oh my god so then back to the present we're piecing all of

this together and then we find out alex has been like cryptically texting kenner over the past few days essentially like a poem or lyrics or something of her it sounded like she was writing her own [ __ ] haikus there was nothing i was like i don't think these are lyrics i think this is just like her own doing but then as rock is reading through the haiku's poems whatever lyrics that she had been texting kenner he realizes that she has that alice has kidnapped missy

and taken her to the place of missy and rock's first kiss which is a waterfall that is about two miles away from his home with a cliff obviously yes there you can't have a waterfall without a cliff you know correct um so i mean great news guys that second day he was home and i think what might have been a fugue state he and he installed those like anchor bolts for for rock climbing and repelling so he's like all right kenner let's grab our [ __ ] guns and repel down this mountain

and it goes saved by women woman not women no he doesn't want the other one so then tj shows up and is banging on the door of the basement and he's like what the [ __ ] are you guys doing where the [ __ ] are you like we don't have time for this missy is in danger blah blah blah and rock is like listen he is starting to remember he needs 10 minutes i don't remember he remembers we need 10 minutes so that he can have a moment and get himself together so he can tell us what the [ __ ] is going on

and tj is like bet 10 minutes i'm timing you don't [ __ ] with me and rock is like 10 minutes will be enough time to gather our rock climbing gear and our rifles and rappelled down the mountain and so they do yeah so then you just like run into the woods with their weapon i just like so no that's that's the right response hannah take it y'all i have to sneeze and it's one of those where like i don't know if it's gonna be better or worse if i like do you have those moments rick i didn't

sneeze but it's ultimately so unfulfilling yes okay i'm having one of those so they get to the waterfall yeah and they find like they they look up and like a hundred feet up there's a portaledge tent because alice is a pro ass rock climber doing all of this on her own while also carrying a body of a grown ass woman yeah so somehow she gets an unconscious i'm assuming missy up the mountain into this or up the cliff into this portalage tent so rock they start to hear

the cops and tj and all these people on dirt bikes and stuff in the woods and they're like we gotta do this fast because if they show up like alice is gonna just kill missy like this is gonna be real [ __ ] so we gotta do this fast kenner you stay in the woods stay like i need you to cover me i'm going to go out there and so he goes out y'all just like do you even want to hear the end yeah so let's see how we can best summarize this in the quickest way we can summarize it um alice

finally sees that rock has gotten there she cuts one of the tethers to the portal edge tent yeah um rock's trying to talk her down like i'm here for you i love but then he's like you she insists that he needs to climb up then he's like a free climb of a hundred feet up is a little bit dangerous i'm like no [ __ ] my guy and so go into a fugue then it'll be fine apparently he's at his best with rock climbing when he does not remember these instances and just wakes up in rock climbing gear

so he climbs up and then honestly i don't remember i don't really care to remember somehow he gets alice out of the tent well i think she was already out i think she's actually like trying to cut the tether yeah and then he managed to like get the upper hand so like she falls a hundred feet well no so so they start struggling honestly hannah i don't care i just listened to this so he shoots at her she shoots at him it's a whole thing they both drop their guns she tries to come at him with the

knife that she's using to cut the tent down and then her head explodes on the side of the mountain because kenner shot her from the ground you're not wrong i think i was thinking of then when her body fell to the ground and then kenner went back up to her body and then shot her in the face multiple times so many times he was real mad so kenner is like cut her body down cut her body down it's weighing down the tent like blah blah blah so rock does that and then

yeah then he saves melissa yeah he gets her strapped to him no one gives a [ __ ] about the details like there's so many details i'm like and honestly the details get a little too heavy into rock climbing gear where i'm like i don't care to envision this further than i currently am i learned the the word portalage and i didn't want to honestly i've always thought portalic like tens were super dope i mean it's super cool i would be interested to be very scared

to stay and i wouldn't want to do that no that wasn't the terminology that bothered me so that just makes me think of so at work recently one of my co-workers showed up wearing two different shoes okay they were they were like knee-high boots and she apparently had a different knee-high boots different knee-high boots she had gotten dressed in the dark and one of them was like a solid black and one of them was black and then had like a brown cuff at the top yep very different boots

like the build of the boots totally different she didn't notice until a patient pointed it out to her and she was like [ __ ] okay so she just had to go through the whole day wearing two different shoes and she and i were in the nurse's station talking to the nurses and she's like i just feel like a [ __ ] idiot wearing two different shoes and one of the medical assistants was like no listen listen okay like this is a statement it's like an asymmetrical top you know what i'm

saying like you are starting a trend and she is hyping my co-worker up so hard she's like this is like you do you like nobody cares like this is awesome you do your thing and then she's like i mean i wouldn't do that that's how i feel about portal instance like i will hype it all day i wouldn't do that no such a story i'm sorry it's just what i thought of i was like i think for the longest time i was like where is this going to connect we're just getting stuck then

honestly like it felt like the punchline landed and i was like i still don't know where this connected and i was like oh portal i forgot i forgot about them along this journey i just want to see how many times we can say the word portalage it's so many syllables yeah so essentially rock saves missy from the edge portal portal into portal um they make it down the mountain without dying or being crashed into rocks he makes her like a makeshift harness because he's a pro rock climber that he

didn't remember being um yep and then they live and then the epilogue he's like i so the epilogue they go to the opening festival like two or three days later and kenner plays and tj plays and missy plays and rock plays the song right oh i was it the song i never i play something i don't [ __ ] yes so missy had already been like headlining this festival and then as a surprise yep rock and kenner and tj all came out and then kenner was really nervous because he's

like what if i suck and then rock was like it doesn't matter just us being out here saying we survived saying like they won't get us down like that's the win in itself so like right he's like i could sound horrible because of my broken throat you could sound horrible because of your broken hands trying to be a drummer but like people will still love us because we are out here trying right and so they go on the stage and they perform i was not under the impression it was the nine minute song

but i did it doesn't matter it doesn't really matter nor does it really clarify um but then in the they go back to the studio in the basement of rock's house and it's like him and missy and then he's like did you think that version was the final version of the song that's not your song i wrote you a different song and she's like when did you write me a different song and he's like today while i was on stage it just came to me it's a different song and she's like oh well like what's the

name of this song the [ __ ] me song and he's like the the will you be with me forever song the will you marry me song and she's like what what and then he's like so what's your response and she's like the the yes song i don't know some [ __ ] absolutely song something stupid that's how it ends and here's the thing y'all there are so many reviews on the line on goodreads that are like this is such an epic love story and i'm like i'm still not convinced it's not

the evil twin if i'm being completely honest i think this might still be mel in her final power move that would be very verity oh verity yes that would be a verity move we we should review that at some point it would be very calling hoover it would be very colleen hoover too and we do love colleen hoover but yes the the way this ended was one of those where i'm like what i feel as though we tried to wrap up everything but like here's the thing they make casual reference to the fuke states he was

having when he was living in california and i'm like so no one is [ __ ] concerned about this kid having regular fugue right this 23 year old kid like this should be a bigger concern i'm concerned and then for for missy to be like you are husband material like they went from zero to reconciled so fast yeah like it really felt as if they had very few conversations she just has a bomb ass [ __ ] like he got in it and was like i need to lock that down and that was it okay so here's my question

what's our rating scale twins how many twins no no twins i can't how many fugue states how many puke states how many carabiners how many how many hipaa violations yes how many hipaa violations like other people don't care about hipaa violations we should choose something more more general more inclusive yeah um well the other thing that bothers me about this is if he is truly a person in recovery from opiates the amount that he's drinking is highly concerned okay i felt that the

entire time but then i also feel like throughout the book we realized they were never concerned about the opiate use they just wanted him away from crazy alice right so i don't know if he was an addict so much as he was casually using opiates and then physically dependent regardless he like oh i just okay so why don't we rate it by the number of carabiners yes i do think that is the same out of how many well they're small out of ten but they hold a lot of weight oh that's terrible so out of ten

i'm so ready to be done with this i can't um yeah i'm gonna go four carabiners that's generous i was gonna say three i think i was i think i was at like three point two five and politely rounding up so i think we really gave it the same review oh just settle on three um so i love to review books that we hate i also love to review books that we love so we do need we need to sprinkle in more that we enjoy because this was not enjoyable this was painful even on my

first read-through i am not gonna lie i committed one of the worst sins that a reader can commit about like halfway through i was like i cannot and read like the last two chapters i know yeah i know i know i know what because i was like you mean to tell me i sat through the full version of this [ __ ] twice and i had the option to sneak to the the audacity no the audacity was you telling me to read this [ __ ] book i think i said you want a train wreck like i don't think i ever went into this

book giving it like a favorable review but that said we do have several like several books that we've recently talked about that we want to review that are super fun that do not crush our souls the way this one did so join us for those as well um you should also read this and let us know your thoughts because maybe we're missing something maybe we're just judgmental [ __ ] in fact not maybe we are judgmental [ __ ] i will say in all fairness this book has everything

you know like it has everything we have identical twins we have childhood schizophrenia we have dissociative fugue states we have rock stars rock climbing we have rock stars climbing we have stalkers we do we have murderers we have county-wide conspiracy we do like we really cover so much ground in this book yeah and yet cover no ground in this book if anything we lose ground yeah i'm giving up ground every time i read this one i'm like we are falling further behind yeah um but

read it form your own opinions let us know what they are we'd love to hear them so thanks so much for joining us and can't wait to catch you next time thanks y'all bye next week on smart club they decide they need to eat all she has is pizza rolls and there there's a lot of detail about these pizza rolls and for some reason that really stuck with me like he's he's making he's organizing them on the cookie cheek like yeah yeah and then it's like like so descriptive of like taking a

bite of the pizza roll i'm like okay jesus christ like we've all had a pizza roll like everybody has been high at some point in college and eating a pizza roll we understand the experience not just college i was trying to be discreet you're like no chelsea this book is all predicated on what happened in college for them so that's what we're focusing on for all of us too no one has ever smoking weed outside smoking broken i hate myself for that holy [ __ ] i said it i was like that is

not damn it that is we're doing really well with our words today and i feel like it blows well well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ] we hope it was good for you because it sure was great for us if you're digging what we're doing it would mean a lot if you take a minute to rate and review the show wherever you're listening right now maybe tell that sexy someone to let us in here we love you we appreciate you and we'll see you next week stay spotty [Music]