¶ Intro
Hello and welcome to SmoshReads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is coworkers. And I actually am genuinely joined by two of my coworkers. Uh I get to actually like it not be a lie for one of these.
Not be a lie.
A butt. Not be alive. No, I it's like sometimes I I say silly ones all the time, but you are both legitimately my co-workers. And today's episode my fidget will be my headphone.
🎵 Music
Look at you. You look like you can tell us like
🎵 Music
He'd be a really good radio DJ, I feel like. That is so nice, Shane. Yeah.
Radio.
Whoa, Smosh Radio. We're gonna go to radio. You know, we've been doing s YouTube. Okay, dropout went to cable, so we go to radio. Okay. Maybe it would be fun to have a reading. It would be so fun. It would be cool. Even if it's like a station on Spotify, it's like you just turn us on and we're live like talking about it. That's somewhere with like a population of two thousand. We can do it to Oxnord. Yeah? Yes.
We love Xiard Radio.
Uh anyways, you're both my co-workers.
Yeah, and you're our coworker too.
Yeah. That but yes. That's how that works. You're not special. You're not special. Okay, cool. I'm assuming we're gonna get a bunch of uh bullshit coworker stories today. I've only worked, as people know, on And then it's Smosh. And Smosh is the most normal job I've ever had. Which is pretty wide. Which is pretty wide. Is a surprisingly normal and there have been phases of Smosh throughout the years where it's
It's been like an office job. Yeah. Like we we had cubicles for a long time. Like back in the day. And like it's like, yes, I'm working with the cast. But I would go over and like hang out and talk to all the people working all the like administrative jobs and and learning how they do their job and I'm working with them a lot. And there's a kitchen, there's a lunchroom, there's Yeah. There's aspects that it's like an office job.
Sometimes, but the nature of the actual work itself is very silly. Yeah. Um, for the most part. Um
You did a lot of service industry.
A lot of service industry, mostly service industry. Did some catering, did nannying
I did any too.
Worked at camps, a lot of camps.
Nice. I wish I would did camps, that would've been fun. And then I worked at a pharmacy for a long time. And then a play place.
A play play?
Yeah, it was like a wannabe Chucky Cheese, but there was no mascots. Like it was like FNAF, but without the FNAF. I don't even know.
Sucks.
Devastating anyway.
Um But anyways, I I feel like uh so whenever we read these types of stories, I feel like I'm uh like a a a Martian reading about humans. So I get like a very outside perspective. Uh I can't really do well for two months. I feel like you've talked about this before. Yeah. Wow. It was my first job out of college. Oh. It was Google Maps doing vertical integration on Google Maps. That's crazy. Whoa. Damn.
Okay job.
All right, let's hop into our first story. This comes from today I fucked up. This was posted back in 2023. Today I fucked up by adding the celery man to the name of my friend on his resume, which he did not notice.
¶ I added "The Celery Man" to my friend's resume
My friend has a bad habit of not double-checking or revising his work. Earlier in 2022, he asked me to look at his resume as he was looking to apply for new jobs. I said, sure. Let's say his name was Tom Henderson. I added the name to be Tom the Celeryman Henderson. I also added a bullet point to each of his positions in job experience that said crunching and munching that celery. Why did I do this? I did this as a joke, assuming he'd see it and remove the silly edits.
When I gave him feedback on the resume, I asked him if he would be sure to make some revisions before sending it out. He said sure. Well, he didn't. Not only that, but he never noticed the edit. It turns out since April 2022, he has been sending out resumes with the celery man on the resume. He has good experience and has been frustrated all year how he got like no interviews. He actually had one initial call with a recruiter and was perplexed when the recruiter guy called him celery man.
He had no idea what it meant, but just went along with it. Never got a second interview. Finally, before New Year's, he had a legit interview. They also made a celeryman joke, which astounded him, and he asked why they made this reference. They told him it was all over his resume. He was mortified.
He even told them he had no idea this was on there, but in doing so, it basically came out that he had never looked at his resume. He thinks this is the reason he didn't get the job. In any case, I had to confess to him I was the one who did this. but it had never been my intention that he would actually send it to jobs. I thought he'd have noticed it right away. Well, he's quite mad at me. He said I've made him the jackass to all of the New York City tech scene.
and that I went beyond all acceptable lines of pranking. I think he is overreacting a bit. I mean it is just a silly prank, really, and how in the world does somebody not notice this for almost an entire year on their own resume? I am worried it might cost me this friendship though, so I'm hoping to find a way to make it up to him. Okay. Okay. You gotta look at your work. Look at your resume.
You gotta look at your resume.
I mean I'm not trying to blame him Paul Hartley, like it really sucks that someone did that to his resume and he was just trusting his friend who when he was proofreading it. Like you know, he was trusting his friend. He was like, Make sure to make some revisions and he said, For sure But I feel like when he gave it to his friend to check, it's like the friend should have been like, Hey, there's it's a celery van all over your like I think that's what the friend would have expected.
I think it's also like it says it right in the title, like in between your name. Like you're l he literally did open the document.
Yeah. And the fact that it's like if you were getting it you were struggling for so long, if I was in that position I'd be like, damn, like maybe I gotta fix my resume or something. Like maybe the way I wrote it isn't good.
No.
There's always so many hacks online of like how to make your resume work for the jobs you apply for. Right. So yeah, I'm like
Shocked. to like trip him up or to like sabotage him, I think it was a cute little bit that didn't get it. It's a funny little bit. Yeah. It was a funny little bit. But
Lost wages.
I mean...
It's like.
But it's not like oh I didn't have a whole job for a whole year because of him. It was that he for that entire year didn't look at his resume. Or just when it kind of does reflect on it. He said, look at the edit before you send it. Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it it's on the guy. Like if you're gonna have a friend edit your resume. and not look at it, you're you're being a little lazy there. Especially if he told you to look at it. Yes. And you said you would. Absolutely. I was gonna say, instead of instead of uh celeryman, he should have had tane. And then have been like, oh, show me nude tane. Neither of you are getting this reference.
What is that? The frickin' the the the
What? What's his name? It's the it's the Paul Rudd sketch. It's like it's celery man. It's like show me celeryman and then Yeah.
Oh is that the reference?
You've never seen this?
No, yes, I've seen that Paul Rod sketch many times.
Oh, cancy would love this shit. It's so good.
It's very
It's weird as hell.
Like vibes.
Uh no celery man thank God it was something like innocent.
And not like
Something innocent.
Tom Fuckface Henderson.
Right, like Tom's sexual harasser.
Yeah, the skill sexual harassment. It's harmless. And it's like crunching munching on some celery. That's good. A part of me thought, like, as this story was progressing, I'm like, is he gonna get a job because of it? Because they're like, hey, we like your vibe, man. It's like
Icebreaker. It's like a silly thing that if only he had known about it, he could have leaned into it when they brought it up and been like, Yeah, I just love celery. I love being healthy. I got good discipline.
Those recruiters had to be when they're like, Oh yeah, celery man and he was like, What are you talking about?
Or or if someone who's played was like, Hey Celeryman he goes, Huh
Yeah.
Then I'm like, what?
Sorry, I don't I don't I don't do that. I don't go by the name anymore. Alone your resume. But then also if he applied to Smosh, I think it would do well.
You do gangbusters.
I think it would do really well. Are the people who handle the hiring at Sposh are about to see so many celery resumes come through. Don't be original.
Original
I'm not mad at OP, but uh if I pulled a prank like that and my friend made no reference to it, I'd been like, did Did you see? I would just be kind of like because I want to know what he thought of my joke. Yes, agree. Like a day or two later, I'd be like, Hey man, you haven't
said anything. I want a performance review on my It's okay if you didn't like the joke. Uh do you have notes for my jokes that I put in to your resume? There was a really weird time at um to speaking of performance reviews, there was we've changed leadership Here a couple times. And there was a good section of Smosh when I first started where we were getting performance reviews.
Which is such a weird thing to be like, this is a job, and now I'm getting performance reviews on actual performance. Yeah. And I'm like, is it gonna affect my Pay like if I don't if I'm not funny enough or if I'm not it was so strange. I've never gotten like creative feedback in a workplace in a corporate way. In a corporate way.
No, it's not
In an email. Yeah.
That's why Smosha I think it has always been the strangest job I've ever had because it is like a bunch of incredibly creative, eccentric even on on our best days, like Creative kooky people, theater people, all into a corporate like office setting. Like it is so
That's weird.
It is an interesting little mix of it all.
That's both hilarious and you should have brought it up to him maybe a week or two later to make sure he was aware of it. Top. Never following up with the aftermath, especially if you fail to notice him ever mentioning it to you, is not good. A week or two maybe sent out to a couple companies would have been funny. A year uh almost of it.
gone past the pale. Um yeah. He he let it go on too long without checking in. Yeah. Um someone said always work on collaborative documents with track changes on. Then it will be harder to miss changes other people make. Someone said, or you know, just double check your resume before sending. Yeah.
Yeah,'cause if it's that big at the top, I mean
Yeah, it's uh it's the title. It's literally someone said my boss would toss resumes with spelling errors, not enough time to run a spell check, not good enough to work in his medical clinic. Yeah, fair. Someone said I act in community theater, comedy, storytelling, etcetera. So I have my own resume for all my credits. I also have my work resume because I'm not at the point where the money I make for entertainment is enough to quit yet, hopefully soon.
But I was applying to office jobs with my actor resume for like three months because somehow I switched the names of the files. Eventually one company replied and was like, Very cool, but I think you sent us the wrong thing. I was mortified. She understood and I sent the correct one and fixed the file names. I got that job.
Wow! Vigilant.
Yeah. It's also so strange in the actor world where like Some things you need actor resumes for, like theater and musical theater, usually you'll need a resume. Yeah. Unless you're like now a lead role in Broadway where it's like your resume is how famous you are. They just yeah, they're they're aware of your work. Yes. The resume is out there kinda. And a lot of actors are that way too for like streaming things.
Yeah. It's like, well, I know who this is because I was blah blah blah blah blah white lotus and blah blah blah. This episode of Red Stories is sponsored by Zoc Doc.
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Spring, here I come. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the Asshole for stealing my coworker's dream honeymoon?
¶ I "stole" my coworker's dream honeymoon
This is fucked. They told you what their dream honeymoon was and then you went and did it. Well, but if you didn't do it at the same time.
How much did you do it?
But how much?
How hard did you get?
How hard did you do their honeymoon?
And before they did it.
I have a coworker who loves being engaged. She's the quintessential typical bride to be. She has her wedding planned to the smallest detail and talks about it all the time. She's the type to share mood boards and swatches with us during lunch. This isn't something that bothers me, but I wanted to paint a picture for context.
I actually like talking to her about her wedding. The issue that recently came up was that she was sharing with us about her honeymoon destination. It's a cute seaside city, and honestly, I thought it sounded great. I shared it with my husband and we decided that we'd love to take a vacation like that too. Because of our itinerary, we decided to visit a different but very similar city in the same country.
Think San Diego versus Santa Barbara if you're in America. When I came back from my trip, my coworkers were excited to see pictures and hear about the trip, and I shared some chocolates that I brought back as well. The entire time my coworker was kind of icy, and I finally found out it was because she thought I stole her idea for a vacation. She said that since I've gone on a similar vacation, I've stolen the magic of coming back to talk to our coworkers about it.
Even though it's a different place, she says it was similar enough and that it was kind of shitty for me to take the attention when she's been planning on her trip for a long time. I personally don't feel like I did anything wrong since we went to a different city and did different activities than what my coworker talked about.
She likes sporty things like hiking, whereas I visited museums and dined out more. But she's so upset she's talking about changing the destination of her honeymoon entirely. So I feel like I'm missing something. Please let me know if I'm the asshole in case I need to apologize. You know what this reminds me of? I will never forget. I was going to a restaurant with friends in high school.
And we were going around ordering what we were gonna eat at the restaurant. And I ordered something, and my friend looks at me and goes, And I was like, what? And she's like, I was gonna order that. I you heard me talking about it. I was like, you can order it too. And she was like I'm I'm just gonna get something else. And it like goes around and she's like I guess I'll just I'll get what um I'll get that. And it's she got ordered the same thing.
What is going on? There was like a little bit of a little bit of a little She views food like the Highlander. She's like, No, there can only be one. There can only be one. But it's that's exactly this type of insane. Per yeah, it's a few. I feel like it's kind of like a fun moment when you're with a group and you people order the same thing. It's like do you get that too? Yeah.
This is but this is even weirder in that it's not even the same thing. You basically were inspired to go on a vacation.
I thought it was gonna be like, Oh, she stole her hotel room or something like that
I've always been like stealing for itinerary, doing all the same stuff, like taking the same opportunities.
Like A part of me would almost be stoked. I'd be like, Great, someone went and like test drove it and said, Oh, that's a great vacation spot. I'd be like, Hell yeah, I don't have to worry about it being a scam or not turning out. It's like someone going to the Eiffel Tower and be like, Oh I can't go now. You already went. You went to the Eiffel Tower. You did it. It's like it's like I'm gonna go to Paris, but I just found out there's other people already there. Yeah. But it's not I can't go.
Weirder where it's like, Oh, you're going to Italy? Now I can't go to France.
Yeah. Hello?
Yeah. It's not even they're not even this they didn't even go to the same city or do the same things. This person feels like they're like, you know, with the with the wanting to share so much of the wedding planning, like loving being the the the center of attention and getting And having their unique experience that everyone wants to know what their experience is. And so now that everyone is excited to see OP's experience at this thing, she feels like the attention's off her.
and is being so stubborn about it that she needs to start from scratch on her honeymoon.
That's what it sounds like to me. It's insane that she she admits like, oh, you're you took away like I wanted attention from being able to come back and talk about it. It seems like that was her number one priority. She doesn't actually give a shit about her fiance and the actual trip. She's more excited about coming back and talking about it. Which I I don't like I personally don't like talking about a trip after I go on it. I like going on the trip. But then to re- like.
I literally, I agree with you so passionately, but I hate having to do that.
I'm like I'm recapping you and I'm like what things do I p I don't know, it's just like it's a weird stressor for me that I'm like interesting. I don't really wanna I don't really wanna
It's like working, it's like hard work. Like I'm like, I j like when we went to Japan, be like, How was Japan? I just wanted to go, good, it was good. That's all I want to say.
It was cool. It was Japan. Um Yeah. But I do think it's it kind of like sums up what a l I think things are for a lot of people now. Is people are not excited about the actual thing anymore. They're excited to tell people or show people the thing. Which is
It's attention is okay. It's okay to want attention. Like everyone deserves attention.
But you're getting engaged, you're you're you're getting married, you're going on a honeymoon, like I on the prize of what's actually fun here, what's like the number one most exciting thing. And she does not see she's gonna change her honeymoon. So that she can tell her co-workers about it. Like how lame is that? If I'm her fiance and she comes home and she goes, we have to change our entire honeymoon. It's like why? It's like, well, because Nancy and finances.
Went to a simple.
We're not getting married. I'd be like, uh There's something so f uh similar too in that like When I go on trips, I am very much like not on my phone a lot. I'm not taking a lot of pictures. I'm not taking a lot of videos. It's like I'm like in the moment doing the things that I'm doing. Sure. And then I I'll sometimes I'll regret it where I'm like getting back and I'm like, oh I want to post. And I'm like, I have I'm really bad about pictures.
That's not what I did the trip for. I didn't do the trip to work. I did the trip Or didn't do the trip to share it with people. I did the trip to experience it myself. Yeah. Courtney can attest I'm horrendous about taking photos. Yeah. I'll be like, that's the coolest thing I've ever seen. And I will not like I I thought. Because what is your photo going to do? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean it's like I can Google that thing and see a landscape shots, yeah, for sure.
Who was that celebrity who was on a talk show recently? He was like, I saw someone take an iPhone photo on the top of Mount Everest. He's like, I shouldn't be able to see that. He's like, You this person climbed over dead bodies to get over to the
You're so right.
to get there and I could just see it from my living room.
Yeah, keeping what I do okay, what I do like to take photos of, the best thing to take photos of are like mundane little silly things. Cause you can't Google that. it?'Cause there was the what there was the sign in Japan that I posted on Instagram was it's sign that said no pissing. Yeah. And so I took a I took a photo next to that and I'm like, that's perfect. Yeah. I'm not gonna take a photo of like
you know, uh some famous temple or something in Japan. You could Google that. It so is I do love like a picture of like a coffee table and what's on the coffee table in that moment. Yeah. Mundane photos are the best, I think.
Yeah, but I think what I was saying about the the the coworker and attention is like This OP doing this thing doesn't take away from her attention. I think everybody deserves attention. It's okay to want attention. Just know that there is unlimited attention eventually. Yeah. And not worrying about someone doing something similar to you like
I wonder what would have happened if she did do the exact the same thing as this honeymoon plant. Like I'm like Yeah. I just feel like the reaction was very big.
Yeah. Oh absolutely it's
I see.
Definitely. She needs to add an air of mystery too, and people and her coworkers are gonna find that more interesting.
I'm also the type of like, I think Marcus uh recommended a hotel to us and then we went and now it's like I'm obsessed with it and it's like now my personality trait and like I'm telling everybody about it like I'm the one who invented it or something. But it's like I love when people impact each other and it's like, oh, I love that thing that you do. I now do it every day.
I love when people like go to some place that we've talked about. I get a little nervous'cause I'm like, I hope they like it. Yeah. Like I hope it was good.'Cause I'll be sad if they go and they're like, That sucked. I'd be like, Oh yeah, for sure. Okay, you guys can drop places right now. You can drop one place, one thing.
Well we know.
I've got one. Orinoko. In Mexico City. It's like I'll describe it as the in and out of tacos in Mexico City. It's amazing. Yeah. Hell yeah. Go try it. I'm not gatekeeping it. Okay. Go. When you're Mexico solid. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm driving there now. Getting in my car. I'm leaving this I'm driving. No, no, shame. Okay. Verdict not the asshole. Comments.
We're reading Reddit stories. Someone said, Not the asshole, your coworker just has severe main character syndrome. Someone responded to that saying this. You didn't even go to the same town. Even if you did, that's like trying to call dibs on Bali or Fiji. Well. Someone said, My wife and I recently traveled to Japan. Upon my return to the office, I spoke about the trip. At least four people said Japan was at the top of their bucket list.
Their dream destination. None of them got upset I had visited there. No one owns a destination when it comes to travel. Right. Um, literally at Smosh, someone is always in Japan. That's true. Someone is always in Japan. At any given time, someone is in Japan.
Got boots on the ground.
I think Selena's in Japan right now. I think Arash is in Japan right now. She's back.
Ian, Ian might still be there. Uh,
Selena went in. We got we always have someone in Japan.
One pair of boots on the ground.
At any given time someone from Smosh is in Japan. Just wait for Smosh Japan. I didn't nobody recognized me in Japan. They were not watching this.
Anybody who did recognize you was a tourist from Australia. And there was a lot of those.
Субтитры сделал DimaTorzok Uh someone said, wait, she is choosing her honeymoon destination based on how she can talk about it later instead of how it would feel with her fiance in the moment? That's messed up. She's planning a wedding but not a marriage. Ooh. Oh Dann to all of them. Not the asshole. A a well adjusted person would be happy to have been an inspiration.
Yeah.
I I mean Yeah. Weird. Yeah. Weird. Weird. Our next story. Uh this was posted in twenty twenty. Uh this comes from Tales from the Front Desk.
Tails.
¶ I invented a coworker
OP writes, I invented a co-worker. I usually work the afternoon shift, three to eleven, so I get a lot of calls asking about reservations and check-ins. One night I got a call from a man asking about air our availability. I informed him we did have openings that evening and that I could make a reservation for him. I asked for his name and credit card number to reserve. He gave me a reward number.
Then he started cutting out since he was driving. I tried to explain that I needed more information and especially a credit card to reserve the room, but he kept cutting out until the line went dead. Well, the hotel wasn't particularly busy, so I decided to put a room on hold for him.
I thought that since he was driving he would arrive in about 30 minutes. He doesn't show up, so I release the room and go back to work. When I have about 20 minutes left in my shift, guess who shows up? He says that a woman over the phone reserved his room. Now I have to point out that I'm a man.
I have a higher pitched voice and it is exacerbated over the phone. Now the guest is upset about not having a reservation, and I've got twenty minutes left and I'm not in a mood to deal with him. I tell him Susan must have been talking to him, but her shift ended hours ago.
We still had rooms, so I made a reservation for him and checked him in. He still seemed angry, so I typed up a note about him and emailed it to my coworkers so they would be aware. Next day I go to my manager's office first to get pass alongs and information about the day. She walks out first and I follow her to the front desk and guess who's there?
Since my manager was in front, she addressed him first before I could get there. He says that I'm not mad, always a red flag whenever that gets said, but I want to know what woman was working here last night. My manager is a little confused, but says that she will check the schedule. She clearly hadn't seen my note yet. So I jump in and say, as I said last night, Susan was working yesterday, but today is her day off.
No one named Susan has ever worked at the hotel and my manager slowly turned away from the guests to look at me in a what are you talking about face that the guest thankfully cannot see. My coworkers behind me who did read my notes. had to contain their laughter. The guest accepted this and left. I then had to gather everyone and have them stick to the story. To this day, that guest thinks Susan was responsible.
You may you got a room anyway.
Yeah, what what are you what are you even at the front for? What the fuck? You already spent the night like what do you want? I I don't get people who like just can't let shit like that go. Like I'll be mad about something, but I'm like, yeah, well there's nothing that's gonna be done now. And it's also like you got a room. You got a room. It was fine.
You just came out of the room that we we gave you a room and and you just came down to say, I'm not mad.
But I'm not mad.
What? I love the barrier of information. Do you know what I mean? Like I love that they could make up a coworker. To avoid conflict.
Yeah.
And and everything was okay and nobody was harmed in the making of this information coworker. No.
I think every place should make up a coworker. Like, you know,'cause we don't we don't have fake coworkers, we have Sadie who like people just kinda don't remember a lot of times.
Yeah.
It's hard to forget Sadie is. It's hard to forget Sadie.
She's a dream.
Sadie's the best. Republican, but hey, hey, hey, hey.
Listen.
She's actually really nice. She's really nice. And I'm surprised. She's surprisingly nice to me. She's Republican, she's Scientologist. Oh, she's the. She's both a rare combo. Somehow a combo.
I don't understand what it what it what this guy would have said if he did learn of Susan. Like like
What do you want? He just wants to do it. Just wants to hurt someone.
Comments.
I read something similar a while back, I think at a pharmacy. Basically, when any customer was mad about something, especially unjustified, but didn't have a name. The employee would ask if it was Anastasia. The customer usually agreed and was then informed that Anastasia had been let go for cause, pulled their fangs.
Someone said I invented a whole planning department for clients that wouldn't agree with the news that their project couldn't be finished earlier. I really did my best with my colleagues at the planning department, but unfortunately it cannot be done. A lot of people are lying out there. But hey, for shitty customers do it.
Especially I I I worked at a pharmacy and there there's so many inf so many bits of information and complicated things about. Pharmaceuticals and getting your medicine that like they just get mad at you, whoever's in front of them. Yeah. And it's just such a nightmare.
It's interesting to see like when controlling people meet like a wall that they can't control and they just cannot handle it. Yeah. At the airport, every time you're at the airport, you're gonna see someone doing it.
Yeah.
I think I talked about this, but I saw on um I think it was Facebook at the time, but I saw on Facebook how someone like was the manager on the shift and so did the turnaround I'm the manager on the shift when they want to talk to Dan to the and I worked at a restaurant in college. And I tried it and it did not go well. Really? Yeah, they like
The manager.
Like I did I was like, Can we get talk to the manager? And I was like, Yeah, one second. And then you turn back around and you're like, Hey, how can I help you? It did not go well. They like looked up the owners, they like called them, and they were like, That was not funny. It was like
And bad joke.
Yeah, but I I think my my view on these things is like no matter how even Unless I'm I'm being robbed of money from this business or something, I'm like, you're just wasting your time. Like people will spend hours, days, like I'm like, w do you do you not want your life back? Do you not want to go do something fun instead? It is my God. So trivial.
And it's like move on, put your energy elsewhere. Yeah. You're gonna lose like how many years of your life are you gonna lose throughout your entire life from just following all this petty bullshit? One more comment. About a week after Chris was fired, I was wearing his shirt with his name patch and got a little jerky with a customer. Customer came back the next day to complain, and I hid in the office laughing while the manager told them that Chris had been fired.
Someone replied, but why were you wearing Chris's clothes? The original commenter replied to that, I ran out of shirts and there was a whole pile of his. They were rented from a uniform company.
Uh
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Smart move. Where's where one of your coworkers' name tags. Yeah, that's why sometimes on on podcast episodes, if I feel like I'm not being very funny, I'm just like, by the way, I'm Amanda. For our audio listeners, I'm Amanda. And then they're they think Amanda's the one who's not funny. Yeah. Got him. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the Asshole for refusing to help my coworker paint his new house in work clothes?
¶ I refused to help my coworker paint his new house
Huh?
So I, a twenty-seven-year-old man, have a friend from work, a thirty-one-year-old man. We've known each other only about two years, but have gotten fairly close. When I moved to a condo a few months ago, he helped me paint, and I've been meaning to help repay him the favor on a house that he just bought.
Things keep popping up and we're in a busy season at work. We're both teachers and it's middle of the year testing period, so I have admittedly been pushing it off. Anyway, last Friday he asked me if I wanted to stop by after work and see the house.
He doesn't live there yet, so it would be mostly empty, but I could finally get a look at it, and then we could grab dinner and drinks in the area. I say that's great. He drives and I'm immediately taken aback that the house is further than I thought.
He had set about an hour away, but it ended up being close to a two hour drive with traffic. I'm trying to enjoy seeing the house, but I'm immediately stressed because I'm realizing that this is going to be a massive out-of-the-way inconvenience to do after work. He can't do weekends as that's when he has custody of his kid. I see that the paint is already brought, and I say, since I'm already out here, why don't we do it now?
He had already prepped the place to be painted and he seemed into the idea. That way I wouldn't have to do a whole other trip. The issue was I was wearing fairly nice work clothes that I didn't want to mess up, so I asked if it was cool if I just wore my undershirt and boxers. He looked at me like I was crazy. He said, if I didn't want to do it, uh just don't do it. But please don't make dumb excuses.
I felt taken aback because I didn't think it was unreasonable to not want my clothes to get dirty. I ended up not painting because he wasn't into the idea and I just went home. Edit, since everyone's asking, he had no stuff at his house. He was also planning on traveling back that night. He hadn't moved yet. It's like, hey man, can I just get naked? Well it's like I mean just getting a little naked, man. It's also just like that's kind of when it's
Or did it say if they were gay or anything? No. I I I imag I'm assuming no. But it's just like I don't think that at that point I don't even think it it doesn't matter. I would think I would just be like Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna do it in my boxes so I don't get it on my pants. Like it's not a it's not a thing. But we are the the the way he's writing that the guy the guy took it as like, oh you don't wanna do this. Okay, fine, you can just go. Yeah. Like, oh you're trying to come up with this.
Doesn't sound like their effect their like communication was very like direct or just overall good if if he couldn't go, No, no, I wanna do this. I just I really wanna keep my clothes nice. And like being in an undershirt and boxers, I'm sorry, that doesn't sound like like
That's not that crazy. Yeah.
Like I we I see girls wearing that to Coachella like
I guess the guy is allowed to like'cause it was OP's pitch to paint it then so that he can avoid another two hour trip.
But OP also said, like, I was trying to enjoy seeing the house, but was stressed. So it was okay, clearly OP was maybe putting out bad vibes, like just stressed in general about the whole situation. And it sounds like the friend, the coworker, was down to paint it.
Yeah, he was down to paint it, but then when he's like, Oh, can I take off my clothes? Can I just be in a t shirt and boxers to paint this? Then he got weirded out. I will also say a lot of people have trouble asking for help. and asking for favors especially and they feel really guilty and Like they're a burden for asking for a favor. And so then they're like, Oh, you're probably looking for any excuse to get out of me being a bird, and here I am. That's kind of my uh assumption here, but
I don't know.
Um verdict, uh there's no official one, but comments leaning towards not the asshole with a few everyone sucks here. Comments No one's an asshole. I think your title is misleading though. You proposed to paint right then, but in your underwear because neither of you had a change of clothes and you didn't want to ruin yours. That was a reasonable proposal and it was also reasonable for him to decline, and preferred to do it later when you were both better prepared.
Someone said, Not the asshole, you were basically kidnapped. If he had everything set up already, he knew what he was going to do when he asked you over. The least he could do was offer you a change of clothes if he didn't give you a chance to pack something appropriate. Five thousand upvotes.
I don't think he was I think that maybe they're assuming because They think that they rode together and this OP didn't have a car to get back. He's like stuck there without anything to do.
Oh, I guess if they rode together.
I was in the...
But d we don't know that they rode together, right?
We don't. We don't. I think that like to assume this person's being held hostage and being kidnapped to check out a house is a bit extreme. But I I think if I was in this situation I'd go, Hey, like let's go run to like C V S and get those like cheap T shirts and pants and so then we can
There's so many fixes to this problem.
Five dollar shirts and like six dollar pants at C V S or something like but
Uh where a moo moo?
Get some umoo.
It is. It is. All the boo-boo and the goo-goo dolls moo-moo. A new loop. A new labou in a goo goo doll's moo moo.
No, no, no, no, no.
A new Lamboo Boo in the Goo Goo doll. Whoa! Oh wait, you gotta say what me. A new Lamboo Boo in the Goo Goo dolls moo moo. God, that's hard. A new laboo boo in a goo goo's doll moo moo. Nope. You didn't do it right. A new laboo boo in a goo goo's No A new laboo-boo in a goo gooo doll's boo-moo. That's hard. Okay, with new tongue twister, you wanna try?
Yeah. A newly
You just you couldn't even say one word. Someone said, Ugh, I had a coworker like that, except instead of helping him paint, he wanted help moving. He made it sound like he had a crew of multiple friends that would be helping, that everything was packed and ready to load into a U-Haul, and that the distance between the two places was close. Fall.
First, there was no U-Haul. There was his new boyfriend who had a c compact car and an elderly female friend that is a hoarder, so she was basically unpacking things and standing in the pathways. So the transportation was my SUV, the compact car and his sedan. The distance between the places was two hours. He had no food or even water for us. There were two dogs who were not trained and pea pads everywhere. Everything in both places was dirty and gross. Whoa Damn.
Did you sign up for hell?
Yeah. I'm out. I'm out. No, he signed up for a tough mutter. They continue on. Hardly anything was packed and the furniture was not taken apart. My husband, who didn't even know him, did the best he could to fit what he could in the vehicles. We agreed to do one trip to the new place and then my husband and I went out to eat and went home. Never again. Damn, they had more of a story than OP did. Oh my god.
Almost painted but not really is
Yeah. One time I almost helped my buddy paint, but then we didn't.
My action. His friend needed to move, like, and it was like one unit over in the same building, but like was completely not packed.
Oof.
And like we and and it was also my ex's birthday that day. And we were like, Well, we want he really wanted this friend to come to his birthday thing that we arranged. But he needed to help his friend move in order to have him c it was just so weird. And I was just kind of there. And that was the first time I heard Post Malone.
Oh, okay. Moving is the worst. Moving is rough. I did a I just moved and I did a pretty good job of it, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah. I was quick. I was quick, I was fast and I was organized. Waiting. Sure.
That feeling.
That feeling and so I was like I was like I know exactly where and as soon as I got to the new space I was like I know where everything's going already. Cool.
Nice. Cooking, you were nesting. I my mom after the divorce, my mom moved like every year for years. And then when I started living on my own, I s kind of did that because jobs change and like things get better or worse, whatever. And you I just I got very good at packing up and moving and and getting unpacked very fast.
I was that way for a long time.
Oh yeah. Military brat, turn out.
Well yeah, well I I only remember one move as a kid, but um uh for many years I I I moved to a different apartment for like five straight years.
It's kinda fun.
I hated it. I I have I I had like super light, cheap furniture. I was like, I whenever I would buy furniture, I was like, what's the lightest thing I can buy? So that I can move it super easily.
And what do you have all those muscles for what?
Yeah, what a little bit.
Glamour. Souls.
Not couch muscles.
He c he can't move a couch, but he can move your feelings.
Okay. It's working. All right. Let's move on to our next story. This was posted uh in uh what is this, May of 2020? It was a rough time. That's a tough time. I was in Nashville at that time. This comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the Asshole for demanding my fiance tell his co-workers that he will not be renewing his vows with his work wife when they return to the office?
¶ I demanded my fiance tell my coworkers he will not be renewing his vows with his "work wife"
What the fuck?
It's happening.
Okay.
What is happening?
My fiance, Mark, works closely with a woman, Megan. They both have similar responsibilities and need to work together as a team. I've never had any problems with this. They don't really interact outside of work. We have been working from home the last several weeks.
I happened to be in the living room with him yesterday while his office had their weekly Zoom meeting. During that meeting, people began talking about what they wanted to do when everyone returned to the office. I could hear someone say that my fiance and Megan must really miss each other. Several other people began referring to them as work wife and work husband. Then someone suggested that my fiance and Megan should renew their vows when everyone is back in the office.
Mark just played along and joked that they would be registered at Office Depot. I left the living room in tears while he continued, oblivious to how I was feeling. I confronted him after the call and said I felt humiliated. Our wedding was supposed to be in September, but we've had to postpone it, and it's not clear when it will be safe to reschedule. And here he is talking about renewing his vows with someone from work.
Mark explained that it was just a joke and not a big deal. He tried to show me some joke article his office had been passing around about how teleworking is ruining work-wife relationships. I said the term work wife itself is offensive and humiliating because I'm supposed to be his wife. I demanded that at his next meeting he needed to publicly apologize to his office and tell them that he will not be renewing his vows with Megan because he is engaged to marry someone else.
I said he also needs to tell his office that they need to stop calling him and Megan work spouses. He says he can't do that because it will be embarrassing and hurt his reputation at work with his colleagues. I said, Oh, is it hard to feel embarrassed? I would never know what that's like. He called me an asshole. Now that I've cooled down a little, I need to figure out if I overreacted. Okay. Um Well uh
It's a bit much. This is this is one where uh where our job being so silly goofy, it's hard for me to relate and like understand. Like um Cause the the concept of like that gets thrown around by our fans and stuff so much of like obviously talking about us that I'm like, whatever, I don't we don't think anything of it. But if you're working like d of a very
different type of job, like an office, like corporate job, and someone's referring to someone as a work wife. It's like it's i I I understand why people probably feel really weird about it. Especially Oh this woman is is so insecure because they've had to postpone their wedding. Yeah. So she's in her feelings about a lot of stuff. So that gets brought up. Now it wasn't It wasn't her fiance himself saying like, Oh, we gotta renew our vows and stuff. It was someone else saying it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. But it's weird. I also think he's not reacting like he she's really messed up from this and he's being like, Oh, it's not a big deal.
And it I think I the work wife thing, I feel like when we joke about it, it's very like ironic, you know? Because I feel like work wife ties into the same terminologies of like when c when a workplace goes like we're like a family here.
Totally.
It's a little bit too like n nesty, a little bit too unhealthy of a workplace. Um So like I but it sounds like if an article is going around and a group of people who are going through a pandemic together are working together and r are making jokes about the work wife'cause you know, sometimes a bit just keeps running to the point where it would not make sense to a newer person.
Right.
Like I'm sad that this fiance, the OP, feels the right amount of insecure about their relationship that this is affecting her so much. You know?
I think the demand of you need to publicly apologize to your entire office and say that something like that's a lot. That's a that's a lot when what she needs is just assurance from him.
Yeah.
That they are secure in their relationship and that this is nothing like I also yeah, I totally get that. And I think that There is something so playful about Workwife and then there's a point where it goes too far. Yeah. And there's like vows doing the vows. I'm like, what is happening here?
Weird.
What is it? Renewing them? Right.
Yeah.
Like
with their vows at one point?
Yeah, were there was there a wedding? Like I don't know about that.
I think she c I think he could have offered to like be like, Oh, I can just like start shutting down the work wife thing. Like it is a little inappropriate.
Right. You know. Right. And also he could have just really like taken that moment to'cause clearly she was not feeling very validated in their relationship. And just isn't. She's talking about how like insecure she was about that they're postponing their wedding and stuff. He could have just taken that moment to really be like, Hey, like Yeah. But he's just kind of playing it off like casually. And in playing off the work wife thing, he's also kind of playing off her emotions.
Yeah.
She's probably feeling dismissed. I think it just it's not one of those situations where I'm like, oh, you guys, one of you is an asshole. It's more where I'm like, you guys are not on the same page. Clearly there's insecurity and like Something going on here that you need to talk through. The verdict was everyone sucks, which is maybe I guess like The closest.
To what I would agree with,'cause I it's not that I think like no one's yes, there's nothing going on here. I'm like, there's a this there's a problem.
But
They are in the middle of lockdown. It's it's May. So it's been the those couple months. So they're at the peak of like really spiraling. Nobody's in a good place. I think like Given that, um, but I also think clearly there's there's just a lot going on in this relationship.
Yeah, like she deserves more validation if she's you know, if she's
Yes. Um, comments. Someone said everyone sucks here. I think the whole work wife thing is disrespectful and silly, but you did overreact to what was obviously a joke. He's not literally going to be renewing his vows with anyone or registering at ho office depot.
And forcing him to tell everyone that they need to stop calling him and Megan work spouses is going to make a mountain out of a molehill and give everyone the impression that you're a difficult person. Just ask him to stop joking about it. OP said, no, they were actually planning out how to do it. Like where in the office to hold the ceremony and reception, etc. My fiance was fully on board planning. Meanwhile, I have to nag him constantly to help me reschedule our actual wedding plan.
Someone said, in that case, not an asshole for asking that, he don't go through with it. But it would be embarrassing for him to publicly apologize and say he wouldn't go through with it in front of everyone. Maybe ask him to talk to Megan separately and tell her it's only a joke. and won't be doing a ceremony.
Yeah, hearing that, I'm like That's embarrassing to publicly apologize. Is this not also embarrassing to have like a public renewing the vows thing at work with your work? I'm like I know. You seem to be like, what the hell is this?
No like you're adults. Like you're you're grown adults. We don't
Yeah.
confusing. I mean that's sad that that he's where like it sounds like they were just doing bits and r if I want to assume that it was like oh they were riffing about like oh we'll do it in the break room next to the water cooler that we always like Yeah. But so she interpreted that like and that's me as that's putting the benefit of the doubt on him.
Yes, handing each other and she took it as no they were actually fine.
But you know, even if it was like they're gonna do this as a bit as a j like it it that hurts if she's feeling like pulling teeth when she's trying to plan a real wedding. Yeah, it's just like a lot going on.
Someone said you're the asshole. It sounds like they were just joking. Demanding that he tells everyone that he's engaged sounds pretty controlling. If they bring it up again, then he can say that he's engaged so he can't be married again. But what you're asking is a little much.
Someone else said, it sounds like you have more issues than this. You say you have to nag him about planning the wedding, and you clearly have some insecurity around his faithfulness if the joke upsets you so much. Getting married will not solve these issues. Perhaps it might be wise to try couples counseling before your wedding. I'm sorry, I'm still blaming this on COVID. Like you were I was unwell. Yeah. So many people it's prime time. It is bad time.
Yeah. Yes.
Questioning everything, no clue. The world is in shit. It is Truly was an apocalypse. So I'm like, I'm I can't even take this like a story. I'm like, you it's really true. You're so focused on this.
Yeah.
We've kind of forgotten like the places.
I think if you were to like scale it like if we were to like really tear down all the like the chaos of it all, like I think it would have been so reasonable for her to just express that it made her uncomfortable.
Yeah.
And and like and see what he would have done with that.
She seems uh really upset. Like she was probably so excited for their wedding. And it's May. It was the wedding was only gonna be four months away at that stage. And now it's not happening and they don't know when it's gonna happen. She's probably thinking like Yeah at that point in in COVID, you're probably like, Oh my god, are we ever gonna get married? So she's losing her mind over that and he's just playing this off. I remember there were so many weddings planned for like twenty twenty.
That got pushed like a year a year and a half later. But they didn't know when it was I remember they A lot of the weddings that were planned were like, okay, we're doing the same venue next year, this time, same date. Yeah. They still didn't know. Yeah.
There was no knowing.
Um lastly, someone said everyone sucks here. You did overreact a bit, but knowing how uncomfortable it makes you, he should be willing to quit playing along with the work wife thing. A dumb comps concept anyway, but I digress. I digress. But I digress. But I digress. Um yeah. Tough. And that's all I've got to say about that.
I can understand I really understand her though. If she's hearing like why are you guys taking this bit so far? Is this a relationship that is deeper than I understand? Like
Yeah.
It leaves room for doubt, you know, but Yeah.
I I agree though with chance of like that era, all these things are exacerbated.
Dude, our Zoom meetings, our monthly Zoom meetings during the pandemic
What were they like?
Oh my
Crazy.
It was just everyone trying to get their f quick little fifteen minutes of being funny.
Yeah, yeah.
It was just weird. We were all just like trying to be like doing stand up in the in a big meeting, like just
It was such a weird time'cause we were filming l or we were filming the same amount of videos as well. Yeah.
It was weird.
But that month.
Remember time?
Tiger King? Yeah, we did a sketch about Tiger King like the week of
Carol Basket.
Oh my god, play it, I wanna see it. I'm gonna look it up later.
It's really bad. It's like really bad.
'Cause we had to change our entire design of how we made things. So we were just
So it was Tiger King, but we couldn't do like we didn't do real Tiger King, it was Tigger King. So he was obsessed with Tigger King.
Not Tigger King. I know.
Chan chance, I know. It was Tigger King. And there is lots of Winnie the Pooh merchandise around.
What shade and that's dumb. Who was the Tigger King? Uh Ian?
Uh uh.
Crazy. The things we did. Yeah. Yeah. It was like my day was film a sketch, have maybe one meeting, and then Animal Crossing. I did some Animal Crossing, I did a lot of Overwatch. Nice. That's when I learned. People were probably so good in the in the Panthers. People were so good. I was ranked. I was ranked. Yes, ma'am. What? Uh at that time, I think it was Arissa, but it was when Arissa still had the shield in front.
Okay.
Wow. And then right when Moira Moira came out I was like, Yeah, that's my girl right there. Our next story comes from Am I the Asshole? Am I the Asshole for not paying for my coworkers' lunch?
¶ I didn't pay for my coworker's lunch
Okay. This is genuinely the dumbest am I the asshole I've ever made slash read, but here we are. I'm a first responder and was riding along with another shift for training purposes. The first day we drove through a Chick-fil-A, I ordered a small mac and cheese. In our area, that's about four dollars. He ordered a whole meal. When we got to the window, they gave us fifty percent off, making mine two dollars.
The guy I was writing with said, Don't worry, I'll cover you. Cool. Thank you for covering my two dollars. I appreciate it. LOL. Second day we went to a local bistro that's decently pricey. I ordered a salad that was about ten dollars. his meal totaled out to just over$20. When we went to the register to pay, he told them, she's going to cover mine, while pointing at me. To say I was appalled is an understatement. The cashier looked at me and I calmly stated, no, I'll just be covering myself.
The guy I was writing with got mad and started saying he covered me for lunch yesterday, so it's only right that I cover him. I'm not confrontational, but I'm also no punk, lol. I calmly stated two dollars does not constitute twenty-two dollars. or whatever the total was. If you'd like me to give you two dollars to cover my small side I ordered yesterday, I will absolutely do that. But I will not be paying for your meal, and handed my card to the cashier.
He paid for his meal and we went outside where he refused to let me get into the vehicle. He continued to argue and cause a scene in the parking lot. So I called for a supervisor. Once the supervisor arrived, he told them that he covered my lunch yesterday and that I refused to extend the same courtesy and that I embarrassed him and caused a scene and he no longer feels comfortable riding with me.
God!
I explained my side to the supervisor and apologized because this is literally so ridiculous, LOL. The supervisor essentially said I was wrong because I should have just been respectful and paid for him like he did. What? At this point I was pissed and told them this sounds like extortion and that I wasn't going to be taken advantage of. I told them that two dollars is a whole lot different than twenty-two dollars. We we are first responders. We don't make a lot of money.
I continue to say if you wanted me to buy him a drink from the gas station or give him two dollars, I had absolutely no problem doing so, but I was not going to be bullied into covering his meal because he covered mine. I ended up writing with someone else because obviously riding with him is no longer an option.
The person I switched to also said I was wrong and should have just paid for his meal. What I don't think I'm wrong here. Had I known the previous day that I would be expected to pay for his expensive meal after paying for my two dollar mac and cheese. I would have never let him cover me. I feel like since he put me on the spot, me putting him on the spot in return was only fair. I don't feel like I caused a scene. I wasn't the one who argued and refused to unlock the doors.
But now everyone's saying that I'm not a team player and I embarrassed him as well as our place of work. Am I wrong here? Am I the asshole? What in the world? Ooh, she is in a tough spot. Okay. I have feelings. Okay. There are thirty four hundred billionaires on the planet.
Yeah.
There are eight billion people Billionaires should not exist.
Right.
Right. This problem should not exist. Right. We should be paying first responders more.
Right.
This should be a non-issue. There are there are so few people With so much money that could fix so many things on this planet and we're not angry enough about it. Instead, we're yelling at each other over two dollars and Chick-fil-A mac and cheese.
I I hear you, dude. I mean, yeah.
Like this sucks to hear their first responders and this Is bothersome. That should not be an issue. It should not be a conversation. Right.
I agree. I sh it shouldn't. It shouldn't. I think what I'm thinking about is she's newer, right? She's in training, she's a ride along, or the opposite.
She she's the trainer, he's the trainer.
Training them and so he covered her on two dollars and sounds like the restaurant because like my dad was a firefighter and sometimes a restaurant would like comp them the meal or give a big discount'cause it's like, thank you for everything you do. But like It's just it seems so like there's a dynamic issue.
The dynamic feels a little weird. Um and it also feels like all This guy and all the other coworkers are very much of the vibe of just like, oh, just ah, you should have just done it. I I agree with her. I think it's like an unfair dynamic'cause it's like when I'm Like, cause yes, to the whole situation being screwed. But when it comes to when it comes to though, like
Splitting the bill and like you you pay for someone's coffee one day and then like expecting them to pay for your coffee the next. I do take into consideration like the amount of money that was spent, right?
Yeah. And also like you can assume someone's covering a meal, but I'm never going to just assume someone's covering me. If I'm gonna assume I'm like oh I'm just gonna assume I'm gonna cover them Yeah. But you need to have the conversation, especially
But there is like also levels to it. It's like if I buy someone Burger King, I don't expect them to buy me a steak dinner. Like There's That's very true. That's that's what I feel like is kind of uh uh on a some level is happening here. That's a little ridiculous. She also ordered a side, not a full meal.
And he's expecting
And the fact that he had to say like and she embarrassed me. It's like that shouldn't be This feels like it needs to be taken H
Personal issue. Let's look at this too. He tells the cashier that she's gonna cover it instead of asking, Oh, did you wanna cover this? Yeah. You're in putting this third party so that you have leverage over her. She's not gonna tell her no. She actually had she's not a punk. So she told her no, he's gonna cover his own'cause he's a grown ass man.
And to just like it, okay, now the job needs to continue and not letting her continue her job. Yeah. But because of something that is so not work related. Like Ugh like I I just that's so that's so petty.
It's really petty. The verdict is not the asshole. Comments, not the asshole. I bet that most everyone who is saying you are wrong are men. I bet you have violated some unspoken bro code that you as the trainee need to pay for the person with more experience.
What the dude did was f a form of theft. The two dollar snack meaning you need to pay for a twenty dollar lunch that was double the price of your lunch. Then he locked you out of this vehicle. This is a toxic work environment. Five thousand upvotes.
OP said, funny enough, I technically wasn't the trainee, but instead the trainer. It was definitely not a fun situation and I've requested not to work on this shift again. I told my supervisors if they want me to train that shift, I will not be working under that supervision again.
Someone said to that, not the asshole. I cover lots of people's meals, but it's because I decided to, not because they demanded it. You're better off avoiding these assholes. If you have HR or a union rep, I would lodge a formal complaint to get it on the record. Son all said, Not the asshole, my husband works EMS, and I wish I could say I was surprised. These guys are bullying you. I don't know why, but that's what they're doing.
Someone said, not the asshole. If it had been a few dollars of difference, that would be one thing, but twenty dollars is a lot. It would be different if you had been partners for a while, but it sounds like you barely know this guy.
He was trying to take advantage of you because he didn't think you'd push back. Him refusing to let you in the vehicle was super unprofessional. Unfortunately, it sounds like everyone knows and likes this person, so they're siding with him. And anyone who disagrees is probably staying out of it. If you have to work with these people for a while, you might be better off apologizing even though you did nothing wrong. It would be easier than being the outsider who no one wants to work with. Sorry.
Bye guys. That's tough.
Oh, my sister's an EMT and I don't I'm like, I'm trying to she's never talked about anything like this. Um
Might be different region to region, like you button.
That and and just like cause my dad's a firefighter, stay a shift is twenty four hours. Like or or like two days on, three days off. Like that's a d a dynamic. You would not just hanging out with each other nine to five or
You're basically living with this person.
Part time shift. It's a different environment and yeah, like Part of me was thinking about like, oh well, if this is gonna be a long standing work relationship, they're just like, Yeah, this because over time we are going to hopefully the it's gonna be equal over time. But this person doesn't know that. It's just that's just it's just tough.
That's really tough. Oof. Our final story comes from Petty Revenge and it's probably one of my favorite titles of a Reddit story I've ever seen. Farted on my stupid coworker. Angela.
¶ Farted on my stupid coworker
Ford it on my stupid
That's awesome, awesome.
What?
Yeah.
You kicked me.
Are you okay?
I'm gonna fart on you.
No.
Yeah.
Guys, stop farting and fighting. This happened a while ago, but I'd figured I'd share. I used to work as a hostess at a massive three floor restaurant slash bar. One bartender, Mac, had the tendency to do what I like to call Mac splaining. he would always go on about how the highest paying tables should always be seated in his section. Before my shift, he'd always give me the same lame speech about how his section of the restaurant
was the most prime seating with the best service. So of course I should only be seating people who look like they're going to spend a lot of money there. Whatever that means. No, no, no, no. Typically I'd just be like, sure, whatever, Mac, and then seat people without profiling them because obviously This place was also always jam-packed with a massive line, so it's not like there was much room for me to shuffle people around based on how much they looked like they might ball out.
Also, how the hell am I supposed to gauge who is going to ball out? Anyways, Mac took this personally apparently. One time I sat a group of older women celebrating a birthday in his section and they ended up ordering some food with no drinks and then left.
Mac went on this massive tirade about how I was incompetent at my job and how I should clearly have known those women weren't going to spend much money and should clearly have sat them in another section, another server's section that wasn't Mac's.
Sorry.
One shift, I felt a particularly heinous fart brewing and got a sinister idea for context.
I forgot about the fark.
But here comes the part. For context, I'm not a regular farter. I'm not a regular farter. I've got So I'm really getting into I'm getting into farting recently. For context, I'm not a regular shame. Guy who's learned about farting. For context Angela's impression of you was like, I'm getting into I'm really getting into farting. Clip that, clip that.
For context, I'm not a regular farter. A lifetime of terribly disordered eating habits has rendered my gut to be a few strokes shy of a chemical weapon, and I've instigated several heated arguments on fart politics amongst my friends, all with the power of a single fart. So there Mac is behind the bar washing glasses fast as hell during a rush, and I thought, wow, how helpful would it be if I go put them away behind the bar for him while he makes orders for customers?
So of course I go out of my way to go behind the bar to help Mac, and right as he's behind me shaking cocktails, I let it rip. Some of my finest work, I must add. I peeked over to Mac to see if he'd been caught in the radius, and sure enough, there he is with his face twisted in sheer disgust. To make matters worse, there were two pretty girls seated across from him at the bar.
seemingly clear of the nuke zone. As I was fleeing the scene, I caught Mac trying unsuccessfully to keep his cool in the midst of the stench. while attempting to chat up these girls, LOL. The satisfaction of that moment led me to get a little carried away, and I started systematically targeting Mac whenever I needed to fart on shift. One time I even made myself a protein packed green smoothie to up my impact after a shift.
where he'd been particularly menacing. When I saw Mac frantically talking to a manager, pointing at the open drain under the bar and checking the fridges for milk spills, I knew I'd gone too far. Anyway, Mac, wish you the best. You thought you were a smart fella, but you're really a fart smeller. LOL.
My God.
God.
So he never knew it was her?
Didn't figure it out. The comments were all just a bunch of fart jokes. Someone said Mac dusting. Someone said big Mac attack.
Oh come on.
I hate it.
Yeah, it started to get a little crane to my as soon as you start
All right, all right, man. Okay, we're done. We're done here. We're done here. You got'em. Uh when it was one fart, I was like,
Some part was awesome. It's also like that feels like chemical warfare. Like I feel like I feel like
Too targeted.
remember okay, now that we've been talking about the pandemic in this episode, like when people who were anti mask would fake cough or sneeze at people and that was like called I think it was called like a t a form of tort like a uh
Bioterrorism.
Terrorism, yeah, bioterrorism. I'm like, how is a fart different from that? Like if you're targeting people.
I can say I've never wanted to fart on.
Yeah.
I I I I feel like I have this weird You guys, I've never wanted to I've never wanted to fart anyone. I do feel like I have this bad luck thing though, where when I'm out in public and I'm like, okay, I'm by myself and I like kinda like silently fart. Sure. No, no, no, no, no!
Away from
Like I'll be at a grocery store. I'm like, I'm alone in this aisle, and then as soon as I fart, it's like everybody comes there. They're like, they're like, oh, we're gonna go to aisle six now. Mm-hmm.
I I have and then I feel like on They're telling their friends. They're like come like come here. Oh uh and then multiple games, I'll be in an elevator and like the second I'm like, Okay, like I'm gonna do this and then and then it stops, opens up and like people get in and I'm just like The guy who was in here before fought in really bad.
The guy before.
My house is a fart free.
It's a fart free household.
Take off your socks. Please don't force it.
No shirt, no shoes, no shorts.
No sharten. No no shoes, no shirt, no sharpen. No shoes, no no shirt, no chart no chart, but all the chardonnay. Oh.
Can we go back to how shitty Mac is?
Yeah.
Because he's wanting to discriminate and send the rich people to his section. Don't you love the feeling when it's like like I remember being really not like not having a lot of money in my pocket, you know? Like really, really struggling and then you get seated at a restaurant and you're like, Wow We got a really nice table. Isn't this so nice?
He's saying his area is the best service because it's him. Yeah.
Well and he has the prime seating so it's like best looking like maybe maybe his side of the restaurant has a view of the city and he thinks his service is the best and he's make he's taking he's like the view of the city is me. I am the good city.
I am the good city. Mm-hmm.
But like that's so sad. Like he wants like you know the whole like rich getting richer, like oh so the rich people get to have the nicest experience in the restaurant. Like even though it's like come on.
Some bullshit.
It's a bullshit Mac sh maybe should and maybe I'm glad he got for it.
Oh, I'm glad he got farted on. I I am indifferent to him getting farted on. Unfortunately other people other people other there's collateral damage here. She's out there farting all over the place. Other people are getting hit by that.
But he's not connecting those things. He's not going, I'm getting so stinky smells around me. Maybe it's because I'm discriminating against.
The hope is that people think that Mac is the one far. That's the hope. But I don't know if that's occurring. That's not my hope. What's your hope? Mm stop Fortin. Peace on earth. Yeah. Yeah.
Don't be far. I don't want yeah, piss on earth, hell. Um I've been quoting a lot of things that nobody knows the reference from in this episode and it's I'm really curious, people in the comments will know. Um I don't want to anybody to fart on me and I don't want you guys to fart on anybody.
No, I would uh I won't. I promise I won't. Thank you both for being here. Welcome. I'm glad that our co-worker situation is not like the
Yeah.
And I would I would work your wife wait, no
Nope.
I will work your way.
You would work her wife? Work why? You work. Uh anyways, um thank you both for joining. Thank you all for watching and listening. And um hey, uh we have a lot of live shows this year. What of Smosh Reads Red Stories Live, they're gonna be all over the place, so keep an eye out for them. And uh maybe we'll see one of'em. True. But we will see you next Saturday.
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