From the brains behind Brains On, it's Smash Boom Best. The show for people with big opinions. Hi, I'm Molly Bloom, and this is Smash Boom Best, the show where we take two things, smash them together, and ask you to decide which one is best. Today's debate tastes real good in a little cup or a packet. Grab your fries, carrots, wings, and tots because it's ketchup versus ranch.
We've got comedian and writer Davon Bland here to defend Team Ranch. No stress in time for ranch dress. And voice actor Merck Nguyen is here to fight for ketchup. I will squeeze the day to make totally stoked to defend this ruby red delight. And here to judge it all is Caroline from Mendota Heights, Minnesota. Caroline loves to make costumes, craft, and go scuba diving. Hi, Caroline. Hi, Molly. So you like to make costumes. Can you tell us about...
Any recent costumes you've made? So I made a Dracula or cosplay for last Halloween. And then I also went to Twin Cities Con in it. It was made out of like a kind of like a spandexy thing. I got to like dye the wig and paint my nails and all that kind of stuff and do my makeup. So. Very cool. Tell me.
about the character you dressed up as? Draculaura, she is a monster hide doll. She is the daughter of Dracula. She has split-dyed hair. She has pink hair on one side and black hair on the other side. And I don't know, she's cool. Nice. Very, very fun. Okay. Do you have any advice for our debaters today?
Make bad puns, but make them funny bad, not like bad bad. Okay. Also, musical theater references. I'm a musical theater girl. Oh, all right. Love, love. So just bad enough puns. Musical theater, if you can. Yeah. Wonderful. Well, Caroline side with Davon Ermerk.
Only time will tell, but first, here are the rules of the game. Every debate consists of four rounds. The Declaration of Greatness, the Micro Round, the Sneak Attack, and the Final Six. After each round, our judge Caroline will award points. the team that impresses her the most, but she'll keep her decisions top secret until the end of the debate. Listeners, we want you to judge too. Mark down your points as you listen at the end of the show. Head to our website, smashboom.org and vote for
whichever team you think one. Devon, Merck, and Caroline, are you ready? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Aye, aye. Then it's time for the... Declaration of Greatness. In this round, our debaters will present a well-crafted, immersive argument in favor of their side. Then they'll each have 30 seconds to rebut their opponent's statements. We flipped a coin, and Davon, you're up first. Tell us why you're in raptures over ranch.
Hi, folks. I'm here to talk about the wonders of ranch dressing. But first, I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine who's a bit of an expert on the subject. Hit it, Randy. My name is Randy, the cool ranch kid. Let's jam about something awesome. Somebody did with ideas growing like a tree with a branch. It's time to talk about the incredible ranch. Thanks, Randy.
Ranch is a delicious dressing and dip that has stood the test of time. With its creamy but slightly tangy flavor, it is America's favorite salad dressing. Beyond its great taste, ranch dressing is all about friendship. togetherness and making sure folks enjoy what they eat. No stressin', it's the dressin' that everyone loves On a salad with your chicken tenders, can't get enough Gather round, lend us your ears, and tell all your friends Of the glory-filled story about Delectable Ranch
When I was a kid, I wasn't super into eating my veggies. I knew they were good for me, but something was missing. Then one day, I went to a friend's house, and he had some broccoli, and he was dipping it in this sauce. This... ranch dressing. I took a taste and was amazed. From that moment on, eating my veggies was easy.
Ranch is a complimentary flavor. It's perfect on a lot of things and is great for sharing and has been since it was invented. In fact, it got famous due to an act of friendship by its inventor. Story has it that when ranch dressing creators... Stephen Henson made food for his co-workers and friends. He would offer them a new type of dressing. Thanks for having me for dinner, Stephen. Of course. I love cooking for...
All my co-workers and friends. Everything looks great. I think I'll start with the salad. Whoa! What is this? It's amazing! Oh, just some lettuce and some greens. No, not that. The dressing. It's amazing. Oh, that. It's something I've been working on to make the meals more interesting. I'm glad you like it. Like it?
I love it. I need a jar. Wait, no, 10 jars of this to take home. His name was Stephen Henson. He was working in Alaska. He made some friends and they had to ask him. Stephen, your dinners are amazing. Oh, what a blessing. What's on the salad? Ranch dressing. The dressing was a hit with his family and friends. He made it for everybody again and again.
Stephen and his wife eventually bought a ranch that they named Hidden Valley, where they sold the dressing. Hidden Valley Ranch is still sold in stores today. In fact... Three out of four households have it in their pantry. Today you can find ranch-flavored chips, you can use it as a dip for pizzas, it even goes well with buffalo wings, adding a cooling effect that pairs well with many spicy foods.
Ranch is America's favorite flavor, with Americans consuming over 100 million bottles of this stuff each year, spending way more money on ranch than ketchup. 100 million bottles of ranch on the wall people love it so much it can never fall no playing possum ranch is awesome and that's the fact talked about it so much i think it's time for a snack
I think you've got the right idea, Randy. Let's have a snack together. After all, Ranch is all about friendship. Snack time. That's what I'm talking about. Randy the Cool Ranch Kid. Over and out. Wow. Randy, the ranch rapper. How did you get him for your declaration of greatness? I had to pull some strings, but it worked out in the end.
Incredible. Caroline, what stood out to you about Devon's Declaration of Greatness? Randy reminded me of Thomas Jefferson from Hamilton. And as I said, I'm a musical theater girl, and I'm like, Hamilton? And also the like veggie thing where you don't want to eat your veggies and then you dip them and then you're like, oh, it's not that bad. Very good. All right, Merc, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why ranch is rancid. You've got 30 seconds and your time starts now.
Okay, Ranchity was spit in bars, but I will say anything you can dip ranch in, you can dip ketchup in too. Have you not had ketchup with your carrots or your pizza with your ketchup? I know it's unusual, but don't clock it until you try it. Also, people are spending more money on ranch because people...
give ketchup away for free in packets. They don't do that for ranch because they're stingy with that stuff. Ranch will also spoil overnight, even if it is dairy free and ketchup doesn't spoil as fast. And sauce cups that ranch comes in, I mean, other than the bottle. They take up more room in the trash. And time. Whoa, but ranch is delicious.
And that's why people want it more. All right, Merc, tell us about all those people who like ketchup. It's your turn. Tell us why ketchup is the boss of sauce. Hey, you're just in time! I'm about to try out this new TV streaming service, Ketchup Plus. All Ketchup content. See? This red sauce is the very best. It's traveled far and wide.
Can be eaten with like anything. It's a complimentary side. Ooh, what else we got? Yeah, so I just polished my brass with it. You just squeeze a little bit on there. A little dab will do you. And then you get your cloth ketchup-y and you rub it on in. Amazing! Ooh, what's this? How about we catch this cooking up a notch, huh? On the meatloaf? Bam! Baked beans? Bam! Sloppy Joes? Bam! That's quality entertainment.
Ketchup, the ever-evolving, multi-purpose, comforting condiment that's the smash boom best. Ketchup has roots all over the world. Seriously, hop on board my ship and I'll catch you up on the history of ketchup. We're sailing over to Southeast Asia. I want to show you a special sauce that helped pave the way for ketchup. It's known as patis in the Philippines, nampla in Thailand, and ngomong in Vietnam. In English, we call it fish sauce.
Now, you might be thinking a fishy catch is a little sketch. I disagree. It's rich in smell and history dating back to 300 BC. Like other salty foods, it could last for months. People didn't start calling it ketchup until nearly 2,000 years later, when people in southern China started eating this salty sauce from Southeast Asia.
They called it kichap, kochiap, or koitsap in Hockey in Chinese. The pronunciation stuck all the way through the 1600s when Dutch and English traders brought this rocking sauce home with them. And speaking of rocking, mind of... If we dock this boat now, I'm getting seasick. In the 18th century, Europeans concocted ketchup with fermented walnuts, mushrooms, and oysters. But about 100 years later, in 1812, tomatoes entered the recipe, and the rest is delish-story.
Today, we use ketchup on so many American favorites like meatloaf, burgers, fries, and hot dogs. But this ruby red beauty is a fave elsewhere, too. In Japan, it's on omu rice. It's in Curryverse, and it doesn't have to be red. There's green tomato ketchup in Quebec. And a catchy thing about ketchup is that it can be used for other things besides eating. Thanks to its tomato, salt, and vinegar, you can use it to polish brass, detarnish license plates, and clean old tools.
Oh no, my wrench is rusted. That's better. Not only is ketchup versatile, it's also comforting. Close your eyes for a minute and think of one of your favorite meals. For me, it's my mom's home cooked ketchup noodles. It makes me think of being a kid again, sitting at the table with my older siblings, the smell of tangy, slightly sweet ketchup in the air. It was my mom serving us love in the form of a meal. Chances are, ketchup is a big part of your life too.
Like a dependable friend, it's always there. In a red squeezy bottle at a diner, in the fridge at your house, in an emergency stash of packets from a burger place you keep nearby for your fries. Ketchup is always around. Reliable, delicious, internationally beloved, and unbeatably cozy. Ketchup, the smash boom best chup. A very heartfelt declaration full of lots of delistery there. Caroline, what's it out to you about Merck's argument? First of all, we had quite a few...
Bad funny puns in there, so that was good. Also, the Pokemon play, on the day we're recording this, it's actually National Pokemon Day. So I was like, oh my god. It's National Pokemon Day. The Pokemon. And Caroline is also wearing a Pokemon shirt. I am wearing a Pokemon shirt. Excellent. All right. Davon, it is time for your rebuttal. Tell us why we should dethrone this condiment king. You've got 30 seconds and your time starts.
Now, whoa, you're telling me that ketchup has so much acidity in it that it could take rust off. That is, you don't want that inside your body. Also, the sugar content in ketchup is so bad that that's the reason why it doesn't go bad so easily. Earlier, someone said that people give out ketchup for free. That's because nobody wants it. And also, what else? It's not good for your teeth. It is great that it has such a good history. You know what?
But ketchup is like the Pokemon of sauces. It gets stronger and stronger with each iteration. You know, fish sauce to walnuts to tomatoes. And it's like the Alexander Ketchup tin of sauces. You know what I mean? I'm sorry, Aaron Burr, sir, but it's just how it is. Okay, Caroline, it is time to award some points. Please give one point.
to the declaration of greatness that you liked best and one point to the rebuttal that won you over. You get to decide what makes a winning argument. Did one team's jokes make you giggle? Was another team's logic impeccable? Award your points, but don't tell us who they're going to. Have you awarded your points? Yes, yes I have. Awesome. Merck and Devon, how are you two feeling so far? I'm feeling saucy. You know, I'm feeling spicy as a sriracha ketchup.
I'm feeling pretty good. You know, I don't know the connection between Pokemon and Ranch, but I'm sure there is one. I'm sure there is one. It is time for a quick break. Dip those wings and sauce those tots. And we'll be right back with more Smash Boom Best. You're watching State of Debate, home to rage and rhetoric and awe-inspiring argumentation. Hey, debaterinos, Taylor Lincoln here. And I'm Todd Douglas, and I'm getting very dizzy.
Maybe it's because you're riding that merry-go-round. Oh, 100%. I thought it would be a good way to talk about the circular reasoning fallacy. A fallacy is an argument that's easy to tear down because it's not logical. reasoning fallacy is when someone ends an argument with the same point as the one they started with. Yep, the argument just goes round and round like saying merry-go-rounds are fun because people... Have fun on merry-go-rounds. Whee! Or cats are mean because they aren't nice.
Or I shouldn't have spun so fast because spinning this fast isn't something you should do. Or chocolate is tasty because it's super yummy. Or my stomach feels queasy because I'm nauseous. Oh, oh, or how about you shouldn't wear white after Labor Day because you're not supposed to. Or... Barfing on state of debate is bad because if I did, that would be terrible. Actually, that would be terrible. For the love of logic, Todd, stop spinning. That's all the logical fallacy I can take today.
We'll see you next time on State of Debate. Any chance you got a barf bag? Hey friends, Molly, Sandin, and Mark here with some very big news. Drumroll please. We're hitting the road in search of adventure, fresh air, and you. That's right. We're going to be live at the Boulder Theater in Boulder, Colorado on Sunday, April 27th.
Our science-themed live stage show takes the audience on an adventure through the brain, complete with magic tricks, dance moves, out-of-body experiences, mystery sounds, and a game show. Molly, you almost left out the most important part. Yeah, Molly, don't forget the big party. Oh, right. After the shows, we're throwing a brain-tastic bash.
Join us afterward for a VIP party where we'll play games, guess mystery sounds, pose for photos, and give as many high fives as humanly possible. Snag a spot by purchasing a VIP pass when you buy your show ticket. Oh, that reminds me. I've got to start training. These hands aren't going to high five by themselves. Good idea. And remember, spots are limited, so grab your tickets today at BrainsOn.org slash events.
Brains on Universe is a family of podcasts for kids and their adults. Since you're a fan of Smash Boom Best, you'll love the other shows in our universe. Come on, let's explore. It's Alien Exercise Hour! Hiya! Hoo! Ha! While I stretch my snoodles and bounce on my trampolini, I'll listen to a new podcast. I'm going to try. Brains On! The best science podcast ever! It's starting, yay! Hello and welcome to Pop!
Planet! The only show that gets you up close and personal with space. I'm your host, Star Eden. Zorb! Come back here, podcast! Listen to Brains On now! Listen to Brains On wherever you get your podcasts. Smash. Boom. The best. You're listening to Smash Boom Best. I'm your host, Molly Bloom. And I'm your judge, Caroline. And we love getting debate suggestions from our listeners. Take a listen to this debate idea from Libby. My name is Libby. I'm from Massachusetts.
And now it's back to our debate. Ketchup versus ranch. That's right. And it's time for round two, the micro round. For the micro round challenge, each team has prepared a creative response to a prompt they received in advance. For Devon and Merck, the prompt was to be or not to be. Devon and Merck were asked to write a Shakespearean monologue about their side. Devon went first last time, so Merck, you're up. Give us your ode to catch up.
Attention! Attention to all citizens of Blandland! I apologize for how society's been run by former ruler ranch's ravenous hands. But fear not, mine people, for I've a royal decree. A delicious gift I shall give with great pace to thee. In your possession, tis an international sensation. An essential condiment for every sauce station. This glistening red treasure packs a powerful punch, each with eggs in the morn or spuds at lunch.
Tis sweet and tangy and what some call umami can be put in soups or on meats like salami. Don't just take my word for how great it tastes. There are notable folk among you who add it to their wastes. The pigskin throwing Patrick, yes, Mahomes is his name, eats grilled chicken, fries, and ketchup before his games. Jane Austen, the intelligent lady who has written many a book.
enjoys hers with walnuts. Tis an old recipe, I presume, of its liquidy looks. The lute playing Ed Sheeran has loved this since he was the lad. Has a permanent inking of it. An arm tattoo, I believe, is what one calls this fad? The time is nigh for you to slumber and receive a good morrow's rest. With love from your saucy sovereign, I give you my best. Oh my goodness, what an ode indeed. All right, Devon, now it is your turn. Show us how Hamlet would order his ranch.
A salad dressed, a tang for thine own tongue. Verily I seek the ranch, my search begun. What doth this flavor best not dress? Not much. Not much this flavor is best not dressed yet, such. I seek the tang that sprang for all. Here now, I seek the ranch that makes the worst best somehow. Portions and morsels from all realms made bold. A flavor to savor for all times told. Verily, merrily, hysterically, I seek the ranch for ketchup is not good.
I seeketh the ranch, as most have and should. What say you who doth destruct thine own taste? What say you who uses ketchup? Such waste! Fairly I seek the ranch, not it me. Ranch is and shall be best for all to see. Oh, very well said there, Davon. Caroline, what did you like about Davon and Merck's odes? My theater kid self is eating so well today. The medieval music in both of them was peak.
I thought it was really funny in Merc's one where she would randomly remember that it's like Shakespearean, so she would like shoehorn in like thine. And I'm like, that was funny. I also, and then Davon's had more actual, like, Shakespearean in it, which was funny as well. Very excellent work, both of you. But, Caroline, only one of our poets here can receive a point. The criteria are totally subjective and totally up to you. Have you made your decision? Yep.
Fantastic. Then it's time for our third round, the super stealthy Sneak Attack. This is our improvised round where debaters have to respond to a challenge on the spot. Today's sneak attack is called Style sense. Merc and Yvonne, if your side had a fashion line, what would it be called? What would it look like? Tell us about some of the pieces in the collection.
You'll have 60 seconds max to tell us about it. Debaters, does this make sense? Are you ready for this sneak attack? I think I'm ready. Oh. Oh, snap. Sorry. You know when in the bottle, like, the sauce is stuck? That's my brain right now. It's okay. It'll all come out. It will. That happens with ketchup. Oh. It happens with ranch, too. Thank you, Caroline.
All right. We're going to start with Davon. Tell us what outfits are on the cover of Ranch Magazine. Yes. So Ranch Magazine, great publication. It's been here for about 50 years. We're talking. We're talking. cowboy outfits, but chic. We're talking leather cowboy hats. We're talking cowboy fits that you could wear. To grandma's house, but also to the clurb. We're talking little lassos that you could grab your ranch with, but they're all...
Bedazzled with diamonds and things like that. We're talking barbicore. We're talking lots of bright colors. But also... little reds and whites to sort of symbol buffalo wing style. That's the thing. No, like buffalo ranch dressing. Buffalo's kind of orange, though, don't you think? Yeah, but that's because of the sugar content. And tie. Always the sugar with you, huh? Okay, Mark, it is your turn. What looks is ketchup putting on the runway? You have at most 60 seconds. Go ahead.
Two words. Ketchup chromatica. Okay. You know, I mentioned ketchup is like a ruby red glistening sweet. Yes, Davon. Wonder. You've got your ketchup tops. You know, you can go with a crop top. You can go with a... crew neck you can go with a long sleeve you can go with these pants ketchup comes in these chromatic sweat pants that you know easily wash off if you get the ketchup or
if you know, you're into that, on you. There's also like ketchup crocs. Oh my gosh, that line just dropped. Let me tell you, it is so comforting. Just like ketchup. It's a classic. I can't wait for you to try out these designs. ketchup by ketchup. ketchup chromatica everything you could possibly want for any occasion uh any time of day you there's even you know those ketchup night guards that the eye masks you know um that look that look like ketchup packets it's it's so cool i can't
wait for you to invest in this piece of fashion for your own coolness. Two amazing fashion lines described there. Caroline. It's time to award a point to one of these amazing descriptions. I have to pick between Chaperone Pink Pony Club and what I wear on a daily basis. Tough choices. Tough choice. I don't envy your position. All right, Caroline. Think about which side impressed you the most and award your fourth point. But don't tell us who it's going to.
Have you awarded your point? Yep. Wonderful. It's time for our final round. The final six. In this round, each team will have... Just six words to sum up the glory of their side. Merc, let's hear your six words for ketchup. Ketchup, the ultimate. Pokemon of sauces. Oh! Gotta catch a ball! All right, Devon, it is your turn. Give us six words for ranch. Ranch helps food. tastes better. Yay! The enthusiasm! Alright, Caroline, it is time to award a final point for this final six.
Have you made your decision? Yes, I have. Oh my goodness, tally up those points. Are you ready to crown one team the Smash Boom Best? I think I am. Drumroll, please. And the winner is... Ranch. Yes. That is awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. This is an honor.
I'm bleeding blood red ketchup over here. Oh, it's okay. I hope that the dyes in that don't stay in the pants that you... No, they don't, because this line of pants, it comes right off. That's what she just said. She literally said they're made... So that you can clean them. Caroline, was there a favorite moment of the debate or a moment that really sealed the deal for Ranch? I think Ranch just won because it was, like, funnier. I don't know. Got you some jokes. But I will say...
Ketchup won the rebuttal and the final six. Pikachu does love ketchup. It's canon. It is. There's an entire episode about him just like being in love with a bottle of ketchup. It's really weird. So it was 3-2. It was very close. As close as a debate can be. I think Merck did a great job. I did not know about the deep history of ketchup. I didn't know how personal it would get. And I applaud you for doing what you did and giving us the knowledge that you gave us.
Aww. Devon, I just want to say, you know, you are a legend. When I heard you on the Escalators and Elevators episode, I went, he is so flippin' cool and you are so creative that Saucy... shakespearean soliloquy man bars and also just i will say you know like one of my favorite sauces is a dill ranch and it's delicious i can't complain about it so um
Thank you for letting us. Did I hear you say delicious? Of course you did. That's it for today's debate battle. Caroline, crowned ranch the Smash Boom best, but what about you? Head to smashboom.org and vote to tell us who you... Think one. Smash Boom Best is brought to you by Brains On and 8PM Studios. It's produced by me, Molly Bloom. Anna Weggel. And Aron Walder-Selassi. We had engineering help from Jessen Duller and Derek Ramirez with sound design by Aron Walder-Selassi.
Our editors are... With fact-checking by... And we had production help from the rest of the Brains on Universe team... Our executive producer is Beth Perlman, and APM Studios executives in charge are Chandra Kavati and Joanne Griffith. Our announcer is Marley Foyerworker Otto, and we want to give a special thank you. Thanks to Austin Cross, Taylor Kaufman, and MC Sketch.
cat, AKA Derek Stevens. Davon, is there anyone you'd like to give a shout out to today? I would like to give a big shout out to the Schilling family and my girlfriend whom I love and also Steven Henson, the guy who created Ranch Dressing because he liked having friends over for dinner. Wonderful. How about you, Merck? Any special shout outs? My top ketchup connoisseurs, my sister and my husband. They're ketchup freaks, I tell you. 19th century food scientists from Philly like Henry J. Hines.
of course, for the ketchup noodles. Davon, seriously, I'm so stoked. I don't even care that I lost. I'm here debating with you. Caroline, of course, and tomatoes. Oh, and how about you, Caroline? Any special thanks or shout outs? I would like to thank both of you. my cats, Esco and Milo. I would like to thank all of my friends, and I would like to thank my dog, Wellington, and my little brother, Gabriel, and my mom and my dad.
Wonderful. Before we go, let's check in and see who Libby thinks should win the wizards versus magicians debate. I think that wizards would win because they do real magic and magicians only do tricks. Smash Boom Best is a nonprofit public radio program. If you're between the ages of 13 and 18 and you'd like to be a judge, or if you're any age and you have an idea for a knockdown dragout debate, head to smashboom.org slash contact and drop us.
the line. And while you're at it, join SmartyPass for bonus episodes and ad-free versions of all four shows in the Brains On universe. We'll be back with a new Smash Boom Best Debate battle next week, Eclipses vs. Aurora Borealis. Ta-ta. Goodbye and good luck. Au revoir. Catch up with you later. I do appreciate the Hamilton puns, but they might be running out of time.