Hey everybody, it's a podcast, it's SmartLess and you have hosts, Sean Will, Jason, here comes. Here it comes. Here again. Oh yeah, well, it was smart. Smart, smart, smart, smart, smart, smart, smart, smart, smart. You know I said this Scotty yesterday, I said, you know this. Can we guess, can we guess what you said? Scotty, yes. Well you go first, I'll go second. Did you touch my sprinkles? No, I'm still writing it, but it's somewhere in the Star Wars Star Trek fight, can you know?
No, I said to him, concept cars, they... Should we put a love seed in the toilet? No, I said concept cars are such a waste of time because they're such a tease. They're these really cool cars and they never make them. It's like, why don't they just make them? Sometimes they do and they take pieces of them. I feel like that Tesla super truck, whatever the hell it is, it looks like an absolute joke rolling around the windows. Oh you mean the douche identifier?
We have a feeling you were a dick and now it's confirmed. Yeah, it looks like a silver 80s tank for something. I love it. Just distracting. I love it because you do, you do get to see where all the douche... Where all the douche... Oh, there they are. There's one there then you can just stay away. It does look like a concept car and then they went to production on it. It's the dumbest.
But some of the concept cars that all these companies make, they're so cool and they're like, okay, well where do you get one of those and they never make them? Sure. It's like a tour. It's like a tour. Oh sorry Jason, go ahead. Well so what they do in the fashion world is they'll go ahead and they'll make stuff just for the fashion show. But there's Henley for instance, can't be found.
Jason, I'm gonna and will please come by but you're gonna be in New York, Amanda and Maple are coming over for dinner next week. What? Wow. God damn it. What night? Wednesday. Come over. I'll be gone by then. Wonderful. Wonderful. Jay, would you say you're at the cutting edge of fashion by the way? Because I noticed you wearing some rag and bone jeans which reminded me of 2011 and I thought, here's my guy. Listen. Things are great back here in 2011.
Anyway, listen we can do this forever all day and I'm sure our guest is just riveted by what we've said. I can tell you something that I am. I'm riveted when she's performing. I am riveted and by riveted I mean generally laughing the entire time. I think it's so rare when or it is so special when a performer comes along that just kind of constantly every time you see them they exceed expectations and then they just surprise you with their comedy.
She is somebody who makes you laugh for a moment on the next. It's not sure and she makes you laugh in ways that you're like and she has that unique thing also of every time you hear a joke not only you're laughing you're thinking I can't believe I didn't think of that. It's so brilliant and it's and she keeps topping herself. She's had a million specials. She had a new special sorry. You're her. Well, you'll see.
She has a new special that just came out on HBO Max or whatever they call it on May 11th and but she really, really rock it herself this year in the ultimate roast of Tom Brady. You guys it's the none other than the most hilarious Nikki Glazer. Oh my God. Nikki Glazer. Good morning. Hi. Wait, are you are you in the back of a coffee shop? Where are you? She's watching how many store podcast studio truly. I'm visiting LA and I wasn't going to fuck around with you guys.
I wasn't going to trust my wife. I at my hotel. I needed like a real studio. This is a real deal. Are you not and you're not an Angelina? No, I live it. I'm a St. Louis. So you did you move back to St. Louis full time? I did. I did. I went back to her in COVID just to hang out with my parents and my family and then it lifted and I was just like no one even knows I'm here. I can just go to LA and people in LA think I'm in New York and people in LA or New York think I'm in LA.
Isn't the crime rate huge there? Yeah, in certain parts. All right. Wonderful. Oh, well, Sean, like call me. I just read that. I just read that about Taylor. We have that we have the highest crime, but it's we it's really. It can't be true. That's got to be like a per capita quality. Nikki, what's the number one crime that's going on there? Probably hard jacking's in murder. Okay. I guess that I guess that's alarming. It's not errors. Third base.
You know, you get that Nolan Ariando over there, you know, like for you. Yeah, but it's yeah, you just got to avoid parts of town. But it's it's a segregated city. It's not the greatest for that. So you just yeah, yeah, we still have issues in St. Louis. Can we revisit my lesson on Kansas? Kansas City and Missouri. Yeah, because I was in such a shame by it. I went into sort of a blackout and I don't really remember what I learned. Just real. You know, it should be fast.
Kansas City is in Kansas or in Missouri. It's both. So it straddles the border between the two states. No, no, I thought there were two separate ones. No, see, wait, I think there's two separate. Well, they're separate, but they're kind of next to each other. They are. They are. They really everybody sounds gray on this just like. Yes, so I'm so dumb. I can't be using I don't know if it's one that's separate, but I know I think they're separate.
They have to be separate because they are in difference. You can't have a city in two. Today, maybe what about Minneapolis? It's not up there. It's not up there. It's not up there. It's not up there. It says I just googled it. It says it remains two separately in court. They're right across from each other. They are. We say it again, Sean. It says it's two separately incorporated cities, but together along with a number of other cities and numbers as part of the Kansas City metropolitan area.
They're separated. They're separated. But is there a picture of it, Sean, does it straddle the border? Yeah. Yeah. And if so, where? Partially there's a river in between them. And then partially, it just goes right down state lines, but it's seen the. One has the chiefs and one has math. I don't know. I can't. One has math. One has the chiefs. Who has the royals? I think that's I think was I'm waiting. I'm Missouri. Missouri. Missouri has the royals. We know it's Kansas. We know.
I mean, I got it. It's Kansas City, Missouri is the one that's like everyone knows about. Kansas City, Kansas is next to it. Yeah. It's not fair. Right. So Kansas City, Missouri is for the chiefs. Kansas City, Kansas is probably for the royals, correct? I don't. Is that true, Sean? Oh, boy. It's on the border. I can't tell. Can I tell you how he's doing right now? I never learned how to read a map. No, they both play. They also play in Missouri, just for what it's worth.
They all are in Missouri. It's Missouri, yes. All right. But on the other side, St. Louis is on one side and Kansas City is on the other. And I think it started in comedy in Kansas City. So I know I should know. I went to school in Kansas at Lawrence in University of Kansas. Oh, you're generous. But I don't know these things. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's not Kansas University, though, home of the J.O.X. No, it is. University of Kansas. But they say KU. It's not a thing makes sense. I think so.
Where I brought over there. I don't really like I got to get out of there. I'm segosing everything. Hey, guys, can I just take a poll in the five-hour? Do we feel satiated on this? Do we feel good? I feel good about it on the first. I feel confused. I'm going to do a separate Google later. Okay, go. Nikki, obviously we want to get to the roast because it's interesting. You've talked about it ad nauseam. You must be so fucking sick of it.
Well, it's not going to be boring to me because I haven't seen it yet. Oh, really? Okay, good. I saw it. You were incredible. I mean, it's not on the first minute. I mean, Sarah. I'm not below. No, but I made a big impression. It was the Alec Baldwin one, really. Oh, yeah, the Alec Baldwin. Yes, Sarah. And you said one of the funniest jokes about me and I still repeat it today to friends. What did I say? You said it delivered. It was delivered, perfect.
You said, Sean Hayes, oh my gosh, Will and Grace was the best you could do. I... I love this. You're Michael Badjokes. You did. Yeah, because that's a good one that you can just use for anything. Like, yeah, I talk about, like, I have a bit about my boyfriend and, you know, we break up and date other people and then I look back at him and I just think, oh my God, like, after dating all these guys, I'm just like, he's the best. I can do. Right. So I feel like I've recycled that one, yeah.
That works. But I fan out on your backstage. I just think you're hysterical. Oh, and such an interesting... When you fan out that meant a lot to me. Well, thank you. But I...it's true, these roasts that they become a place to discover people, but I feel like you were already discovered. But for some reason, this last one, everybody acts like they found you, but it's like... Yeah, great. But it's making great. She's been around forever and she's been brilliant forever.
So what do that feel like to be like, wait, I've been here. What are you guys all talking about? I didn't feel that way. I kind of was like, yeah, this... I've never been like, wait, is everyone going to notice? And I just kind of...I really just take what comes to me and I never really want to fight for people to care about me. I want people to care about me on their own time. Yeah, yeah. So I've kind of been like, okay, when they do, they do. And felt pretty relaxed about it.
But this was...I mean, it was insane. It was just like kind of an overnight thing that I never expected would happen in my career. I've always expected it just to be very slow and gradual. And I kind of liked the level of fame I had achieved. It's comfortable. I'm not that recognizable. My life isn't like disrupted by it ever, but there's some perks to it. But now it's true. It's something perfect. I want for nothing. And I'm just...it's like, I can say no to things if I want.
But now it's like...it was a huge bump overnight. And I'm sure you guys have experienced that in your careers as well. And it's just... I've had a lot of bunches. He's had a lot of bunches of men. Yeah. Sometimes I put them all together and make a nice fat lie. Sure. Sure. Oh, I remember it. So, Nikki, do you find like now you're at the airport and people are like roast me, burn me. Yeah. They don't say that. Thank God because I don't...it would be so mean coming out right away.
And sometimes I will go there. But no, thank God they don't do that. They just say, did we go to camp together? You know that kind of thing. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Because I usually look like shit when I'm traveling. So I don't really look that recognize. I don't... I really do not look the same. I always steal that line that Dax said years ago and I use it all the time people go when they had that moment of confusion.
They go, I think I knew you and I go, yeah, I used to work at Subway around the corner. And they go... Because everyone's frequented in Subway. Yeah, they're like, maybe you say what? Yeah, maybe this is the guy. Yeah, that's the guy. Seems old to be working in the... Don't you? The reason I've never seen a roast I think is because I... It's a cringey. Yeah, I get so tight because I think that poor person is going to... I'm going to have all these very good nature jokes, right?
They're hard hitting jokes. But the whole... Everybody knows the game here is that we're going to say nasty things about it. But like for the most part, that person doesn't know these people. And so like, where do these... I just don't know how that goes down okay for the subject of it. Yeah. I think you have... You can opt to not be a part of it. And when you opt to... You can say no to it. Sure. You know that. But can you say no to even to being there?
Like basically not be attending your funeral effectively. No, no, no. You have to be there. I think you have to be there. Yeah, that'd be weird if you're like, Hey, let's just have a night where we shit on so and so. And then he's knowing that he's at home going like, What the fuck? Although it would be pretty funny. Yeah. But then the person has to like pretend to laugh the whole time. Yeah. And be kind of like okay like... Your feelings do get hurt.
Like you can go in thinking, Oh, they're only going to go this far. And then they go further. I know I've seen it happen where they don't plan on you going there. Yeah. And that's really the only way to get to the huge laughs too is when it gets super uncomfortable, right? Of course. And just say that like I went some places on the Tom Brady roast that I thought other people would go to and they didn't.
And I was the only one that kind of said those names or brought up those subjects that were kind of sore for him. And you... And it is crazy. I've seen old Rose clips of... I don't like to watch myself some when I come up on my own feet. I'm like, get out of here. Right. But when I was preparing for this roast, I was like, Okay, try to channel what you've done in the past. You've got to watch what people like about you. I don't even, you know, I just do it. And then I don't watch it again.
So I'm just like, Watch it again and see what you bring to this. Because it had been four years since I'd done one. So I watched one. And I was like, who the fuck do you think you are? I'm saying this to people. I'm told Alec Baldwin all of this. Like what? Like I just didn't recognize this girl. And I'm like, she's got balls, but she's also like a psychopath. Like I just didn't, I really didn't, I couldn't believe that I did it, but I was like, I guess I have to channel that again.
And you really just, they're set, Tom Brady's just set in your periphery a little bit back enough that you can't really see him when you're performing. Right, right, right. So it helps. Does anybody know if any of these roasts have ever gone wrong where the subject just like says, whoa, whoa, whoa, fuck you and get up and leaves? I read the Tom Brady thing, right? A little bit. I just kind of read a little blurbs, was he upset? Do you know where?
Yeah, I think he like wrote, he said that he in hindsight kind of regrets it. I don't really, he doesn't regret, he's glad he did it, but he didn't know that we would go some places. I don't really know how he feels about it, but I totally see what he means because I think you go into these things, thinking that they're, you just don't know what people will dig up about you and see and you when they study you and look at your face that.
No one's ever gotten up and stopped it in the middle of it and just like left and just gotten pissed. I think there was one joke at a Comedy Central one where it was about, I was like a Paul Walker joke that ludicrous was there and he's friends with him obviously and he got up and like walked off stage. I think they were, they cut it later. I think there was something like that that happened. Got you, yeah.
You know, one of my favorite was, I don't know what happened to her, she was so funny, Lisa Lamponelli. She was really, really funny. And then she quit. She quit, yeah. Did she really? She does self, she does like self help talks now. So she's like a motivational speaker now, but she got out of it because she was like, it's too mean. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough, right? She was one of the best. She was one of the best.
She, one of my favorite jokes that she said during the roast of William Shatner, what she was going through his credits, you know, and she goes, remember Tivo when before, you know, before DVR, there was Tivo. Yeah, we got it. And it made, if you liked something, it would suggest other things, you know. And so she goes up there and she goes, yeah, William Shatner, I try to Tivo T.J. Hooker once, and Tivo suggested I punch myself in the cunt. See, that's great. That's a great joke.
And he can handle it. It's been, it's been off the air for a while. You can have a little some distance. Right, right. Was Scottie just in a violent rage throughout the whole William Shatner roast? He didn't want to. He didn't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, he enjoyed it. And Betty White was on the panel. And she got it and told like, really, crass jokes. It was so funny to see Betty White tell crass jokes.
Yeah, I love one of my old, like from one of the early ones that was on Comedy Central years ago was something about Andy Dick. I forget who said it might have been Jeff Ross. I wouldn't fucking Andy, Andy Dick with B Arthur's dick. Yeah, yeah, that was fucking great. And then they cut to B Arthur like, what? Yeah, the reaction shots are always the best. That really sells it too, is that you gotta have the person that you're making fun of when they're cutting to them live.
That really will like make or break what people thought of your joke. Right. If they're laughing along. We'll be right back. All right, back to the show. So how did you first get where they just like, hey, listen, who's a really, who's got a really shitty disposition? Nikki Glaser, let's get her in here. Yeah, she's a really, she's really mean to people. Yeah, it started early. Like I remember I wrote jokes for people who were doing the roast early on.
And then I did, Jeff Ross had a show called The Burn on Comedy Central and I had a show on Comedy Central at the time. So through me on that and I had a really good showing on that. I just knew it was a place that I would really excel and I needed to prove myself to Comedy Central for them to even consider me. So I worked really hard to do that TV show and I did a great showing and then, and then people don't really want to do roast.
So it's like, they probably asked Whitney Cummings that year they asked Amy Schumer and then Natasha Legero and they probably didn't want to do it. And so they called up me and last minute, you get booked like a week before and you go, okay. And then you have a good one and then they asked you back the next time and every time I kind of go, I don't know if I want to do this because it's so much work.
And I would really, I would always have like a mental breakdown right before it and think, what am I doing? I'm gonna bomb and like cry and have panic attacks about it. I don't know if you guys relate to that where you say yes to things and then you do them. You go, I'll never do this again. JB Teller, teller our rule that Matt Damon taught us. What? Which about, which is, which is that you should apply this.
Well, it's been who told Matt, who told, but he said, he said, if somebody asked you to do something and you can start using this from this moment for Nikki, if somebody asks you to do something. Like, take months to think. You know, he's like, six months coming show by the thing, say to yourself, ask yourself, would I want to do it tomorrow? Oh, that's so good. It's so good to do it tomorrow, say no. It's unbelievably effective.
You know what, I would even though I would go, do you want to do it now? Sure. Because even tomorrow, sometimes I'm like, I'll be different tomorrow. But yeah, I'm always, that's such a great. But this, though, I need time to prepare. So I don't know how to answer that. You know, like, it's so what asked me, I always want to do it because I'm like, the exposure, the potential of it. And then you get in it and it's like, destroying my relationships, destroying my life.
It's making me self-doubt all the time. And then it's over. And I'm like, that was the greatest. I can't wait to do it again. And then everyone in my life goes, what do you mean you want to do that again? But this time around, I actually implemented a system where I was happy the whole time. And I know how to do it now. And I can't wait to do it again. But the three before destroyed my life. I totally relate to that. And obviously none of us, the three of us, is a standup.
But anytime I'm asked to kind of go and host something, you know, you charity thing or whatever, or best of all. Well, A's a lot of work, but B, every single time I do it, I become a bigger and bigger grouch leading up to the day, leading up to the moment. And I'm fucking in the worst place. And then you do it and everybody's in it works. And you're like, that was fucking great. And everybody in your life is like, Yes. Fuck, man, you were a dick for the last two weeks. Yes. It's the dread.
Every time. People have told me that no one hates what they are going to do more than you all the time. And then when I do it, even when I'm like about to go when I'm on stage with a microphone, having the time of my life, unless I'm like, bomb, you know, like, such or something's totally wrong. But as soon as I'm performing, I'm in it. I'm doing great. But dread constantly up until that moment. And I think that's just, I don't know the way it goes.
Nikki, do you allow yourself to think, because you were saying earlier that you're really happy with where you find yourself. Like you've got, you've got the right amount of, you've got an amount of relevance that you really enjoy, but also a nice amount of anonymity where you still, you know, you can go to the grocery store, et cetera. So do you allow yourself to think forward, you know, a year, five years, ten years? Do you allow to do that yourself to think about goals and stuff like that?
Where do you want to go? Do you know? No, and I want to ask you guys about it too. Do you have goals or do you just keep saying yes to things as you go? And see where it takes you? I just say yes to where it takes me. If you look at my credit, see that I say yes to a lot of shit. We do a lot of switchbacking, you know? We don't go right up to no. It's this is for another podcast, but I'm a freak about goal setting and writing them down and all that for years and years and years.
Are you teasing a new podcast right now? We're the new podcast for the new podcast. We're the new podcast for the new podcast. Are we producing a win or a win? No, Sean is a task master. He's just like, our joke is, if an email comes to the three of us about some sort of business thing, within 12 seconds before he thinks of his answer, he's responded. Yeah, I like to just check it off my list though. I don't like to have anything in my inbox. I'm just, me too. I've absolutely cleaned inbox.
Really? Yeah. And I'm like, I need 24 hours to think about it. I'm like, I'm not interested. And then someone needs to text me, hey, you need to respond to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I do. My email has just moved to texting. Yeah, Nikki, I suffer like the goal is thing. The goal is thing, since I'm like 22, 23 years old, I've been writing down goalists and their stream of conscious goalists.
Like, I'll write down on paper, I'll go one, two, three, and I'll just number it as they come in my head. And there's the stupidest things like, I got to lose five pounds. I got to visit my mom more. I got to make it, you know, I got to connect with this person about this project. You can cross that one off. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. My mom passed away. So, but my mom died five years ago. It's hilarious. I got to say anything in there about your dad's license plate. I didn't say it was in sad.
Yeah, no, it's very sad. But we got to laugh. I'm just saying a last thing that you have to do. Right. But anyway, so I would do all these things. And then I put lifetime goals. This is like when I was 22, 20, I'm like, I want a host Saturday night live. I want to be a David Letterman. I want this blah, blah, blah. And I went to therapy like years ago and he goes, don't tell me a catastrophe happened. I go, what do you go, they all came true. I go, yeah, every single thing on my list came true.
And that's how I was. Yeah, so I got real depressed because it was that. What do you do next? Right. So then you make you want? Yes. I wrote by a chair find out find the beam. Find the beam. Throw the road a sturdy. The robot with a beam kicked the chair out. I'm not. Regarde it immediately trying to get the rope off to know a male. Regarde the media. And as I'm doing it, I'm still shaking it off. I'm like, you'll just got it, but my wing pipe is on the desk.
I noticed something about the way that you described you sounded like you were from Brooklyn or something. You go, since I'm 22, I'm 22 years on. Yeah. So anyway, so that any said that the most obvious thing in the world, but it is not obvious until you hear somebody say it. He was like, well, you just got to make new ones. And I was like, oh, yeah, I guess I just got to keep thinking.
Then I've been trying to like manifest stuff and I'm doing these manifest meditations where it's like, just picture your life with the thing you want. Yeah. Feel that it's already happened and then you drift off to sleep and you try to get the feeling not that you're doing the thing, but that you are live in a world in which this is what you do. It's already happened. What is it like? Esther Hicks. It's what is his name? Never Gordard. Never Gordard.
That's how everyone says his name on the YouTube. But yeah, please help. Yeah. No, here's a crazy story. I have really facts if these guys let me tell it. So it's, when are you going back to back? Yeah. Yeah. And then that's it. You want to be to be already? All right, man. Speed of being. I thought we left you on the beam. You not know how to take a hit. I left you on the beam. It's still riding my goals down. Just the sound of a rope.
So anyway, when I was a kid, I was obsessed with the show Soap. Do you remember the show? Yeah. One of the greats at home. So in the opening credits, when they used to rehash the whole story of the show and they opening credits over and over every week, they would say, these are the dates and these are the camels. And then, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this is soap, right? And so these are the tapes. These are the camels. The tapes are the rich family. The camels are the poor family.
Or, you know, the lower middle class, whatever. So the tapes, they would show this establishing shot of this beautiful house, this brick house, and this gorgeous neighborhood house. It was like, oh my god. I grew up shit shit poor. It was nothing, you know, everybody knows my story. So then I was like, I would race to the TV every week to watch that opening. I was obsessed with this house.
So about eight, seven, eight years later, Scottie and I had a few to drink and we're going on a rabbit hole on YouTube of old openings of like 80s, 90s sitcoms. You know, we saw Jason's, we saw like whatever, you know, like, facts of life and whatever, the Hogan family and like Dallas and like, you know, all of them. And I was like, oh, Scottie, we have to YouTube the store, the opening credits of soap. I was obsessed with this house as a kid.
So we open it and like, these are the tapes and these are the camels and the house right behind mine. Oh my god. So where to go? This stuff is real that you can. Yeah, I mean, that was a giant thing. I'm paying attention to things. Well, but so, so then if Nikki, if you're manifest of the net, then you are allowing yourself to dream a little bit of the future. Yeah. And what does it look like? That's what I'm struggling with is like, I kind of like the way things are. And so I have an apartment.
I don't like, I don't own a home. And so I'm like, you know what? I should own a home. So let me just visualize the home. I'm in. And then I think about like, we got to get these cabinets redone. And then I'm like, oh, I got to call somewhat like I'm living in it. And then I go, I got to call the landscaper. Like there's so much work that starts happening. I go, I don't want this house. Like, let me take me back to my apartment. So I'm kind of like, I just really like the way things are now.
So I feel, but I have goals of like, you know, SNL, I think is a good goal. Like hosting SNL. That's a great goal for. That's going to happen to the whole celebrity. That's happening. It's happening. Right? Yes. I think it's happened. I think it's not yet, but there's some talks. There's whispering. There's whispering. They should get you. There's no way that it's not happening. Just knowing how that shit goes and what's out there. There's no way that they're not asking you this fall. Thank you.
Okay. So it's happened. And I don't, I don't, yeah. That's already manifested. So I got, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's next. But what about Will and Jason? Do you guys goal it up? I do. I mean, I sort of keep an eye on where I'd like to maybe be headed towards, but it's, it's not that specific. It's just, I, I, I just want to be challenged with stuff that is right at the edge of what I'm able to handle. Yes. And, and I know that there's going to be a day soon where I'm like, fuck this.
Throttle back and just relax. Yeah. And so I know that's going to come. So while I'm actually feeling this fuel, why not let it go, you know, let it go the same way towards it. Yeah. I do the same thing, Nicky, that you do, which is, and sometimes I do it super consciously, and I actually set out to do it, but I do the same thing of sort of manifesting. And I find that I do kind of manifest in real time, most of the time. And, and, and it's been super, super, super effective for me.
I don't know why. And I think I did it. That's what why my, when I was in high school, I used to just tell my friends, oh, I used to be obsessed with Dave Matthews and my friends all were too. And I would say, oh, I'll just like, meet him someday and like, I'm going to tell him like how I feel. And they were like, how would you meet him? And I'm like, well, I'm going to be famous. And they were like, what? They just like, I remember their incredulousness of like that. I thought that.
And it was so obvious to me that that's what was going to happen and that I'll be in his fear. And I had the same thing about Letterman. I used to think when I used to watch Letterman at night, when I was a kid, like in the 80s, like in high school, and I'd watch him on at 12 30. And I'd think like, a bunch of Letterman is going to think I'm really funny. And, and he does. Yeah. And it worked out. And, and, and yeah, that kind of shit. I just, and maybe that sort of dumb confidence of youth.
I don't, I don't know. But, but Nikki, do you, do you want to pursue? I know you've done tons of acting stuff. It is that important to you to pursue that lane as much as stand up and everything else. Yes, and no. I mean, I think that's what I started pursuing initially in high school when I was like, how am I going to get the, how am I going to meet Dave Matthews? I got to get it. That was my, that was my real goal. Like, being on TV is the only way I could be it is, as his fear.
And when I met him, I said the word, sphere, several times of, I tried to be in his, it was really embarrassing. Well, where, where did, where did that, were you, were you living with, with the, did you, was your family super encouraging of your humor and like was mom and dad funny, were your, were your siblings? Like, where did the confidence come from that like, oh, you know, if I think of something funny, I should share it because that usually works out. That did not come until way later.
So I was like, okay, I'll be an actress and I was not getting the parts in school plays. And I didn't even go to like a theater school. So it was like, you know, I was getting town's person B and stuff. So I was getting feedback like this isn't for you, like to act. That's right. Not even town's person A. Always B. And, and I would think I would get the lead. And then I'd be at the bottom of the list and I would cry.
And then I go, oh, I guess I'll go do field hockey and it was terrible at sports. So I was like, didn't really, but I was so depressed that it wasn't going to work out. I auditioned for theater school, didn't get it anywhere. And I was really like, I guess I'll just like have to kill myself. Like I really was thinking that because what's the point of living if you're not going to be on TV and performing in some way. But I had no way to do it. I just thought acting's the only way.
I had no idea there were other things. I didn't even look into it. I know I couldn't sing or dance. What did your parents do? What did your parents do? My dad's in the cable business and my mom was just a homemaker. And so they were just, they were always supportive. And I come from a really funny family and they have great taste in comedy. So I was always consumed. My dad introduced me to Conan when I was in like eighth grade and I was like, you got to check out this show.
And then that changed my life and sign fell that I was obsessed with. And friends, I was really, I loved comedy, but I wasn't, stand up, didn't, I didn't do much for me. I just wasn't even paying attention to it. And then I went to college and I was like, long story short, I had like a terrible eating disorder because I was pretty much like, I just want to die my life sucks and nothing's going the way I want it to. And I have to go to college and figure out what I want to do for a living.
But I don't want to do anything except perform. And I'm not good at that and everyone tells me I'm not good at it. Like I was taking voice lessons to be a singer. And my voice teacher like took my mom aside and said, this is a waste of your money. She doesn't have it. Wow. I was getting the voice. She said my mom. And so I just was so discouraged. And then I was, I just got an eating disorder that I was like, oh, I'll just die of this. And I really wanted to. I was really like slowly just dying.
And then I was hospitalized. It was right after high school. And I was going up to college. I was hospitalized over the summer. And then I needed to get out of there. And so I lied. And I was like, I just got to go away to college. And then I can kind of die off alone without people monitoring what you can. Oh, my God. And it's so sad. It's so sad. But I really was like, what's the point? I just didn't know what the point of life would be if I wasn't a performer.
Because I also, I wanted, I feel like my parents really pay attention to TV in a way that I was wanted to be paid attention to. And I think that's why I wanted to get on TV was to that, even though they love me so unconditionally, I just didn't feel it. The way that I was just a very sensitive child. Anyway, they break here. How did you overcome that moment? How did they prove that they loved? Sorry, go ahead. Well, they proved they loved, I'm still working on it.
But I have theories that they do. But the love seems to amp up a little bit when I, you know, bring them to the Tom Brady Rose. And that was, you know, like, there's a little bit more of text messages for my mom of, I've always loved you like final. Oh, wait, that's really, what an interesting thing. More than your father does. And we will be right back. And now, back to the show. Nikki, what an interesting story. How did you, how did you overcome that enormous moment?
You enormous hunt from high school to come? You just touched bottom and then just... Well, I was like ready to fucking go every night. I would be like, please, die in your sleep because I was just hungry all the time. You know what it's like to be hungry, Jason. And so... She's going, look at how she's cooking. Fucking time! You dabble in the eaties. And so... Not enough, though, in the eaties. And so it's... Yeah, I was waiting for that to just end it because I was cold all the time.
I was hungry. I looked insane so I couldn't really make friends because everyone's just like this girl is like a skeleton. Who looks so weird and looks so brittle and I was about to die and my hair is falling out. And I'm at my freshman year of college. I don't have any friends. And I need to make some. So I think I just turned up my personality a lot. Just because I looked so crazy that I needed the only way to make friends was to be larger than life. And so I started being funnier.
I just like... It just wasn't adapted to me. You made yourself funnier. I did because no one would like me otherwise. And then all of my friends... I got friends because I was funny and really outgoing. And all of my friends would say, God, when we first saw you, we were like, who is that girl? And then we kind of forgot that you looked like that because people would go to my friends and be like, we're really worried about her. And they'd be like, we don't even know what you're talking about.
Because I did really just overcompensate for how sick I was with my personality. And that's when people started going, you should be a stand-up comedian. And once I heard that, I go, what's that? I mean, I knew what it was, but then I googled it. And I saw Sarah Silverman and then that changed my world. And that was like, okay, I'll just do that. I was going to say, what was the thing that inspired you to, as you said, turn it up. What was the thing where I know you were...
Your hair was falling, it was kind of rock bottom. But what made you... I didn't want to be made fun of. I wanted to be the first to make the joke about how thin I was. Or what, I wanted to be so extraordinary, my personality that no one would notice how scary I looked or how concerning. So I think that was it.
You know, like the fat kid in school can be the class clown or most... I had never experienced that before where my looks like made people talk about me and whisper about me and make fun of me. I always just in high school wanted to just disappear. I didn't want boys to make fun of me. I just was so scared of any attention. I wanted attention on stage when I told you you could. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. But I really was like, people from high school are just like, you are a comedian.
I just kind of was... I didn't really... I didn't make big waves in high school. But... And then when I turned it up, that's when people started telling me that. And then as soon as I looked into it, I was like, oh, of course this is it. I've always... I'm like writing comedy. I have... I love comedy. And then acting the thing I found hard was like being someone else. I really think it was just... I was always trying to run away from who I was. And I finally found something that celebrated.
I could say the weirdest things and the darkest things that I was ashamed of into a microphone and then people like me more because of the things that I hate the most about myself. Oh yeah, but it's honest. It's really cool. It's honest. It's honest. Which is the reason that mental illness exists is because people aren't being honest. And so that really helps me heal. But you do, right? But the one thing that you did not get... Oh, generate overnight was... I mean, you're obviously really smart.
And so that is something that you probably sort of saved you in the end from a lot of stuff was that you're not a dummy. You're really bright. By the way, you lost Shawn when you said, Hungary all the time, Shawn looks so confused. I don't know what you're saying. I'm never hungry. I'm never hungry. So then you found then that the thing that was bumming you out internally was actually material. And that that is like it actually becomes an asset to you.
And that vulnerability is one of the huge keys to comedy. You got to pull your pants down a little bit. There's nothing funny about no problems. You just say the honest thing. And people can't even believe you're saying it because so many... Most people aren't honest at that level. And so whenever I'm on stage and I'm trying a new bit and it's not going well, and I've kind of lost the audience and they know that I know... I just like...
My trick for that is just to stop and just say the honest thing. Yeah, because it's so healing and you can't lose. And you just go that bombed and you guys don't like me anymore. And then they laugh. And they also be revealing too in that way and be vulnerable. And JB and I have often said there's nothing funny about a six pack. In that like being... You know what I mean? Like this is just not fucking funny. Exactly. Because a fuck. But look how quick Will Ferrell takes his shirt off.
It's fucking works every time. I fucking love him for it. But that's the struggle though, because I also want to be hot. Like listen, we're all funny, but we all care about looking aesthetically. Look at this Henley. Did you get a good look at the Henley's shadow? Did it trace? Did it mend it by that for you? She did. It's good. But yeah, we all care about what people think of like how we look. And then people go, but you're funny. You don't need to care. And it's like, well, it is a part of it.
And it's honestly, that's... I'm being honest when I say I'm insecure about my looks. So that's still part of it for me. I can't help that I do care about my looks even though... You don't need to be nervous. Everybody does it. Everybody does it. Everybody does it. Everybody does it no matter what job. You're in Sean's right. You're a should be cute. But think about it this way. Because of the very nature of what you do, people comment. And we live in a world now where we see those comments.
And we hear that stuff so much more readily. So of course, it makes sense that you'd be... You know, when people say that... I remember years ago, some friends from Toronto would grow up with like, oh fuck, will you? All you actors say. You guys just care about how you look. Yeah, because everybody's talking about it when you do something. They go, fuck, you look like you're dead. By the way, I got an on camera job. Yeah. You're going to an on camera job. And people go like, fuck, man.
That guy, Arnett, looked like shit in that thing. You're like, oh, thanks a lot, man. Yeah. The comments... It's insane that there are comments under every single clip or video or picture that is of you. David Spade told me a while ago, he was like, you know back when I did the Hollywood minute during, we can update that. That was the only time celebrities got like mocked, mercilessly, for like a minute.
That was the only time that celebrities were being made fun of ever, because it was just all... It used to do it a bit right before that, you know? Right. Okay, so there's like two outlets for it. And now all people do. I will say, I like the way that you've offset it. And I was going to bring this up before when you talked about that you moved back to St. Louis. We had somebody on recently who moved back to the Midwest.
And it's made me long for... I don't know why recently I've really longed for not living on either coast. I've had this sort of dream. It makes me feel kind of good because there's something... There's something. Yeah, a little bit. There's something kind of... Yeah, but what's that quote? Doesn't matter where you go, there you are. Yeah. You're going to feel the same no matter where you go. That is so... Yeah, I'm not looking at it as a remedy for how I'm necessarily feeling.
I'm just talking about my day-to-day experience. Like, what do I want that experience to be? You're inviting me. Yeah, I just want to get card jacked a little. I want to be in the Midwest. I'm desperate to be in the Midwest. I can't what you mean. Well, the reason I like it is because if I'm in New Yorker LA, I can do a set every single night and I can feel like I'm not doing enough. And I could be doing a set tonight and getting stronger. And I could be doing a podcast.
But in St. Louis, there's nothing much going on. I think it's just kind of an escape. I'm a workaholic and I lock up my liquor on the coast and I go and I can go get it if I get a key and deliberately go get it. But it's not just waiting for me in my room in St. Louis. I kind of am away from work and don't have to drive myself crazy with it. And I can forget that all that stuff matters. When you really are in New York and LA, you get sucked into the machine of like, you've got to do more.
It's not enough and comparing yourself more. Even though they're all waiting for you on Instagram to compare yourself to. I feel it more here, which is good sometimes. When I was doing the roast, I was like, I'll go to LA for a month and a half before that to get in the zone of like competitiveness and running my set every night and like feeling like I'm not enough and needing to prove myself. But I couldn't do that in St. Louis. I couldn't just like fly and do the roast.
I would have come with this like Midwest ease. I needed to come in like strong and insecure. What's your day to day like in St. Louis then? If you're not working. Like wake up. I'd go into my podcast room, which is next to my bedroom. Do a podcast. Then I go to a Pilates class. Then I go to Starbucks and pretend to write. And then I, you know, that whole thing. Are you open up your laptop? That's the whole thing that I love. I love who you work in. You're always too famous to do that now.
That's the thing I don't want to be is like where I can't go to Starbucks still and just sit and in a coffee shop. Here comes. Yeah, yeah, here comes. I got to really enjoy it while I got it. But yeah, I just sit there in online shop and then I go back home and play my guitar a little bit. Then I go to a voice lesson. I'm still trying to be a singer. So I just, yeah, and then I go hang out with my parents, hang out with my niece and nephews.
And then, you know, and that acting desire you said or it's just sort of at your feed way back when. And there's no desire there at all. No, there totally is. I think that it would be so fun to do it. But it's, yeah, I bet you'd be great. Being a set is really exhausting and boring. Yeah, being a set is can be very boring exactly. But what is easy for me? I don't even have to think about it. I just walk on stage.
But also just the creative difference of an actor has to fit lines that were written before they come in. So your job is to fit a pre-existing character in line. As a stand up, it's the total opposite. You are already there and then you're writing lines to fit you. That's what I like about it. Yeah, okay. But what about the member? I always wait to the last second for everything. So that doesn't work in acting. You can't be just like, you know, binging your lines right before and memorizing it.
I'm sure sometimes that is the way it has to happen. But there's a lot of preparation and forethought that goes into being an actor and preparing. And I feel like, as a stand up comedian, as long as I'm just showing up as myself, I can get the job done. Like I don't, I don't like a lot of review. I don't like a lot of rehearsal. I don't like to critique myself because then I start to see the flaws.
So with stand up, I'm just like, I can just be in a conversation with someone and be like talking about something really sad. And then walk on stage and do it and then walk off and get right back to it. I don't have to like get in his zone. It just seems like a lot of work. And I mean, now I would get jobs where I'm acting against people like you guys who have been doing it so long. And I'd feel like I'm not good enough and their self-doubt would come in. Well, we'd be judging you.
But you should. You should. You should. I'm gonna have a spare road to share for you if things are wrong. Always standing by. Always standing by. Yeah. Well, I think you could you could do whatever you wanted and certainly now you could. But you probably always I suspect you always could have. Yeah, leave yourself open for all of it. Yeah, please do. Because you seem incredibly dynamic and well suited for all opportunities. Yeah, I'm so happy for your success. I want to see you doing more stuff.
You're so naturally funny and so funny. And what I also love about it is I don't well, maybe you do on some of your podcasts and stuff. But you don't seem to have fallen the trap yet of a lot of stand-ups who seem to be obsessed with talking about breaking down stand-up, which I'm like fucking enough. I'm some of these older stand-up. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Who cares? Who cares? Yeah. What does that mean breaking down stand-up? You mean like talking about science behind it?
No, the science behind it. What they think about stand-up and how they do and they only talk to other stand-up and I'm like, shut up, man. I don't apologize for a joke and cancel culture. Yeah, cancel culture. I'm just really not that interested in that stuff either. And I think that we like to pat our... Every artist likes to pat their themselves on the back like they change the world. But in some of it does. But I don't know. I kind of just fell into it and it fits me.
But I don't think of it as stand-ups or like above other. No, and I think sometimes we have to think that because we feel so less than. And that's why we do stand-up is because we didn't fit in any of the other ones. I can see that. But like all of us are just out here trying to figure it out. And so when people start breaking it down, is there a process and is over a science? Oh, right. Anyway. When people ask me about the process, it's always like how do you write it?
I think it's the same for most comedians. It's just you say something funny in conversation and then you go, oh, I should maybe do something about that. And then you take out your phone and the conversation comes to a halt and everyone waits for you. And you go, wait, exactly how did I say it? Right. And then you ruin the moment. And then you, and then I'm in the wings of the show before the show kind of going like, what should I do? And I'm kind of sick of my act as it is.
Like maybe I'll look through and I go, oh, came, I'll throw that in. And then it just kind of happens on stage. But it's a lazy room. Right. But you're super funny. And you're the only thing I've ever been good at. You're the top of the game. Honestly, I can just watch you do stand-up all the time. You're really awesome. And you're very generous to have come in. Yeah. And someone who's been a fan as long as I have to see you finally get this kind of recognition. It's awesome. Yeah, for sure.
It's really awesome. It's well being on smartness is a huge, it's a huge deal. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You've done a huge good art. Thank you. To clowns. Fucking funny. And your show was so good. And talk about vulnerability. I mean, that's, but that's what we, don't we all want that from our celebrities? Like, I've always just wanted to see how they are. I used to love the, like, the stars are just like us kind of things. I really do love that.
And that's what I think podcasts have given us is that conversational quality. And we get to really know you. And some actors stink. And they're not interesting at all in conversation. But you guys don't, you're so fucking funny. And, uh, yeah, I'm just like, you're infectious with your very, very clean, honest sort of energy coming out of you is really kind of. We're drooling moments here, funny. So, uh, thank you. Oh, Larius. Thank you. It's so good to see you. So good to see you too.
Yeah, you too. Yeah, thanks, Nikki. Oh, my God, Nikki Glazer. Nikki Glazer. Nikki Glazer. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Nikki. Thank you, Nicky. I say, right, right. Alright, bye. How great is Nicky Glaser? That was super fun. I'm embarrassed to say that's my first experience with her. And wow, what a form. I'm a huge fan of hers, alright? Yeah, she's amazing. She's super super amazing.
I love what she said because she, I mean, even on here, she's just brutally honest about everything and how she feels in her opinions. And I think that's what people are drawn to. And she's got specials on Netflix that I can like immediately. Oh, yes, yes. HBO and Comedy Central, dude. She's an absolute, just like comedy mega star. Yeah, I'm really taking my hair. And not just because of her level, but just also how funny she is. She is profoundly funny, so good.
And my buddy, my buddy, great Bob Castrone used to work with her too. That's how he kind of really turned me under about five years ago. He was like, Nicki Lasers, the funniest. He wrote with her for a long time. And she would be great in movies. And she doesn't need to like... Should be amazing. Act, you know? I know. It's like five people that act. Most of us just play versions of ourselves. And obviously a million different versions of her. Yeah, but she'd be great. I agree.
Now, she's a really nice, which is so funny, because she does these rows, which can be so super cutting and stuff. And she's actually like a super nice kind person. And I've, yeah, she's cool. Sean, do you have a... Are you frozen? What's going on? It's just trying to fucking... It's fucking... It's so fucking... It's the worst poke in the world. Sean, look, I wasn't. I was just biting my time. Why would you waste it? Was that... Yeah, did you just like... Why did you waste it that way?
You were like... I was having a chile or an acoma. And now... I was biting... My time. Yeah, but... What's happening? Let's cut my roll. Let's do it. It's a good one. It's very good. It's great for what it is. What did you say? I was setting you up. Apologized for it. What did you do? You're just sitting there. We knew it. He was looking at a list that he had on his computer. I'll buy it. I'll stand by. I just... Oh, guys, I found... Fucking fuck. What is happening? Nightmare.
Will, can you take us out like we should? You got anything? Well... You just had two good ones. I actually do have a book... A book of all the great buys that I want to use. And I call it my... My buy... Buy... Bo... Oh, okay. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do. We'll see you at the next one. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Bennett Barbaco, Michael Grant Terry, and Rob Umbjurf. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart. Smart.