Also media. Hey everyone, Jamie here just reminding you that I will be on tour with Caitlin Dorante for the Bechdel Cast Tour in Los Angeles, San Francisco in Portland, Oregon this January. You can get irl and streaming tickets in the description of this episode.
See you there. But today we're talking about hogs.
Let's get into the show. Wow, Wow, it's so great you're here. Welcome to the minis the first and last sixteenth Minute Award show where we give out seven I'm pretty sure seven made up awards to your favorite moments on the sometimes goofy, sometimes depressing, often both podcast sixteenth Minute.
I'm your host, Jamie Loftus.
And next week we'll be back to your normally scheduled programming, taking a look at the internet's characters of the day and seeing how their viral moment affected them and what it says how about the Internet US. But to close out the year on our New Year's Eve episode, I wanted to take some time to reflect on this year on the Internet and on.
Subjects of this show specifically.
I recently asked listeners on Twitter and Blue Sky and Instagram ever heard of them about your favorite stories on this show and what you'd like to see in the future, and I encourage you to keep letting me know what stories you'd like to hear about. And in the meantime, I wanted to give a trophy, and by a trophy I mean an ugly drawing of a trophy that I made to my favorite moments, not just on this show looking backward, but to the moments whose fifteenth minute has
not yet concluded. Because, folks, it has not been a fun year on the Internet or in the world. I wanted to take a moment to have a little fun with my parasocial little friends. And for the record, the minis are fully inspired by one of my all time favorite podcasts, who Weekly, Who's Whomys episode I look forward to every single year here and the last Culturista's Culture Awards.
So sit back, crack.
A Mike's Hard lemonade or whatever your personal equivalent is, and let's dive in. Thank you for being a listener, and welcome to the Mini Awards. Welcome back to the Minis sixteenth minutes, first and only award show for your favorite moments on the show this year and my favorite moments on the Internet in general, let's get started with a very competitive category best supporting Character in a sixteenth
minute story. Your nominees are the cousin from the Wicked Witch of the East bro story who pulled out a knife. Even though most people who watch the video don't notice that.
We're going from our Tumbler bone Witch episode the Bones from our Mormon episodes the Torture iss search for meaning and order in life that often can lean one down the path of subservience and even cruelty, from our Fish who Fell from the Sky episode Alice the Fish, the wickedly talented thirty to fifty faral Hogs, and finally, from our Boston slide cop episode the Slide. Very competitive category, tell you what, but there can only be one winner, and that winner is.
The Slide.
Congratulations to the slide, very very close raised. People love those damn hogs. We're so thrilled for them, and unfortunately the slide is still stuck in Boston due to being an inanimate object. But sent along this following message as an acceptance.
I'll try to read it in character. What the fuck's up you guys?
Thank you for my flowers, but wipe it out.
That fucking pig Go bruins.
Wow, really amazing. Congratulations to her. Next up, we have our technical categories. There's just a couple, and we're going to start with Best Cinematography in a Viral Moment twenty twenty four. Your nominees are at the pawn nun d or MoU dang zoo keeper who shot her to fame earlier this year.
The next nominee.
I honestly could not find a name for, but hopefully the more respectful photographer who caught the you were so rude to me moment at the Grammys from Chapel Roan as she yelled at a different photographer.
Correctly, I might.
Add, you were yelled at your Grammy party expectors.
Never sold to and you might deserve.
All your next nominee Resa Tisa of the who the Fuck Did I Marry? TikTok compilation some of the most thrilling in the car multipart vertical cinematography ever committed to a lady's phone.
Please excuse the hair, but here is part one of who the Fuck did I'm Marry?
And finally, the camera person who managed to not even laugh a little as the holding space for defying gravity moment happened during the Wicked press tour this winter.
I've seen this week people are taking the lyrics of defying gravity and really holding space with that and feeling power in that.
I didn't know that that was happening. I've seen it.
Yeah, that's really powerful.
Oof.
A lot of moments, a lot of moments, a lot of innovation in the field.
But the winner is.
Resa Tisa, who would have also won Best Writing for an original set of viral videos, showing some of the strongest work in my opinion, in that genre since Zola a true storyteller. Incredible great cinematography from Resa Tisa. And now for a sixteenth minute specific technical category, sound or the only thing that I am able to provide you with in this flawed and imperfect medium. Let's check out the nominees best use of sound in a sixteenth minute episode.
Our first nominee has been nominated kind of the Meryl streap of this category. You could say the airhorn. Here's an example of some really powerful airhorn use. In twenty twenty four. Your next nominee SAD thirteen aka CD Dupui, for the sixteenth minute theme, Oh this is thrilling. The third nominee is me saying hell yeah every time. I
got very uncomfortable while interviewing the Curvy Wife guy. And finally, in exchange I had with the Philadelphia Chicken Man Alex, when I asked him why he was cutting up traffic cones with copper wire?
I said, to what end?
And he replied, nominee number four to the very end, very competitive category, and the winner is a dead tie between two Philadelphia legends. First winner to the very end, Yes, indeed tied for the best sound aired on this program in the last calendar year. Was my voyage to Philadelphia to go to the man who ate forty rotisserie chickens in forty days in icon a legend, and for some reason, in the middle of the interview, he let me know that he cut up traffic cones using copper wire, allegedly
to relax. You remember it, and I certainly can't forget it. It haunts me in a good way. So congratulations to the tying winner, Alex Taminsky, who said this very scary thing to me and is a wonderful guy.
Let's take one more Listen.
I was doing this one really strange thing where I was cutting traffic cones with copper.
Wire in my basement to an end, uh the very end.
Okay, hell yeah, and bonus, he was generous enough to send along an acceptance speech here.
It is so, I was informed that there was a handful of people that found interests and enjoyed the story of how I spent a good amount of time cutting orange traffic cones in my basement with copper wire.
Yeah.
Super honored and touched that, you know, people found something good about it. Just some big thanks to all of you and to Jamie for giving me an opportunity to share my story, and I hope everyone out there can find their cone and cut it.
Thank you so much again to Alex, he's the best and.
He shares this distinction with sad thirteen Sadie Dupui, tying with the sixteenth minute theme. This is by far the least prestigious award Sadie and company have ever received, as she is one of the most decorated women in her field of her generation. I'm not kidding the fact that she's even willing to collaborate will always be a baffling honor to me, which is why she is also receiving
tonight's special award, Let's get some air horns. The Sixteenth Minute Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Sadie Dupui and to accept it, here is a voice memo I asked her to text me.
Imagine my surprise when I was walking into a Mafia themed pizza restaurant in a strip mall in the suburbs to find out that I had won some awards. I was not expecting to win anything this year. I want to give a big shout out to Jamie and to Sophie and the whole Cool Zone media team and everyone who works on Sixteenth Minute.
I love this show.
I listen obsessively every single week. I skip past my song because that's the mental illness that I have. And I had a really fun time going on Reddit to talk to some of you guys and talk about the theme song, which apparently most of you like, other than the one of you who thinks you can make it better. Shout out to that person. I am recovering from a
surgery right now. I haven't played guitar or sang in quite a while, but I when I heard that I'd won some awards, I felt just recovered enough to do a little special rendition of the theme song. So this is the preamble to my acceptance speech. My acceptance speech is the unrehearsed song to follow. Thank you, Jamie, Thank you, Sophie, thank you, sixteenth minute, Thank you to Internet main characters everywhere. This is Sadie Dupwee aka Sat thirteen, signing off with gratitude.
I'm not so bad when you turn off the light spun one. Can't be perfect all of the time. Song make Me Star, just take it too far?
Give me a mo minute, not enough sixteen sixteenth Man of Fame, sixteenth Minute of Fame, sixteenth of Fame.
Fun Mint of Fame, not so bell?
Will you take me off from the be.
Your main character till we say goodbye?
Wow?
I mean things are heating up tonight. And our next category is my personal favorite best niche character no one has ever asked for an episode about, but I would like to make anyways.
And the nominees are.
Lucas kavar Aka, the nineteen year old who got locked in a cave the first week of his freshman year of college and it was reported in the New York Times but never broke through to the mainstream, although I think about it constantly. Your next nominee Club Shallow May.
Hi, everyone, this is Samon Cromer.
I'm the administrator of Club Shallow May, and today is the first episode of Club Shallow May Conversations.
Interesting.
Third nominee Joe Chestnut and ta Kiaro Kobayashi because uh, no one asked for this, but I already did it, and finally a popular nominee in this category, every single story about a baby that's a little too big.
I have a question for everybody who wants to go to the Four Seasons Orlando.
And the winner is.
Yes, Lucas Kavar the Cave Kid, Thank God.
Yes.
While Club Shallow Bay still stands to get a chance to get her own episode down the line, and I may be forced at some point to write a story about a baby who used to be a little big but is now nineteen or something. But no, there will never be an episode about my favorite story of all time, a story absolutely no one remembers about Lucas Kavar the Cave Kid, and I'm pretty sure Lucas wants it that way, but I won't allow it to happen.
Here is a story from the New York.
Times in the moment, Ian, let's get a little action music going here. Lucas Kavar screamed for hours, hoping to get someone's attention. Bats, salamanders, crayfish, and beetles were his only company.
Stranded in the cave without food or water, he.
Was unsure that he would ever see his family again. He wrote notes to loved ones on his phone, which did not have a signal. He licked moisture off the cave walls and became so hungry he thought about eating crickets. What was supposed to be a fun adventure turned into a hellish fifty eight hours for mister Kavar, a nineteen year old Indiana University student who was left behind during a group expedition on September seventeenth to Sullivan Cave near Bloomington.
It's the greatest story ever told. It's poetry. You wouldn't get it.
Congratulation to Lucas Kavar, and let's throw an extra trophy to the cave and when we come back. Two of the most contentious awards of this year's minis sixteenth Minutes, Guest of the Year and Yes Folks twenty twenty.
Four's main character. We'll be back.
Welcome back to the minis the first and last Sixteenth Minute Award show where unfortunately you just missed our special musical performance tonight. It was, of course, the kids Bop rendition of Espresso.
Now then, mesously, I.
Know sammis.
Really good stuff, you guys, better than the original. Well, no, amazing job, kids. I look forward to seeing you as future victims on cable procedural shows.
And now we have gotten down to it, babes.
The final two categories of the minis one for the Character of the Year and one to the character who made this show very special. Yes, our next category is favorite sixteenth minute Guest.
Your nominees are.
The Philadelphia Chicken Man, Tasaica Brown, the Gorilla Glue Girl, Willie McNabb, thirty to fifty Feral Hogs Man, Antwine Donson, Hide your Kids, Hid your Wife, Ken Bone, and finally Lena Morris the overly attached Girlfriend. This category genuinely has been stressing me out. I asked you, the listeners to choose your favorite sixteenth minute guests. This is not my favorite guest, They're great, but you guys chose it, and after.
Tallying tallying tallying up. Your winner is.
Willie McNabb, the thirty to fifty feral hogs Man. Congratulations, Willy, he won your hearts and minds with the truth you should be concerned about between thirty and fifty faral hogs coming for your children. It turns out, and Willy did an excellent job of highlighting how the Internet is dominated with city dwellers, often to the detriment of rural Internet users. I was inspired to make this episode by a reply all episode from years ago. Willy is such a wonderful
person and I am so pleased that he won. I informed him that he had won this prestigious award and he sent along a memo.
First, I want to say thank you Jamie for inviting me on Your willingness to discuss this topic speaks to your desire to actually addressing a very difficult cultural issue. You were respectful to those with different opinions than yours. You were kind, balanced in your reporting, and thoughtful of all parties involved. Sixteenth Minute of Fame being named one of the top twenty podcasts of twenty twenty four is no surprise to me. I wish you nothing but continue success.
And happiness in all aspects of your career and life. Second, because of this episode in your listeners, a lot of money was donated to Culture City, which is a nonprofit for sensory accessibility and acceptance for those with invisible disabilities. So a very good thing did come from all those T shirts which sat in boxes for almost five years. Thank you to everyone who donated. Third, the reason all of you found out about me was because of my
reply tweet. I know there is new ownership of the platform, and I know he can make the platform to feel less inviting than it was, But in my way of thinking, substituting another billionaire social media platform for his doesn't make much sense. Anywhere we go or any platform we use, the platform will be owned by someone who is using our words as a profit center. Don't let that dissuade you from speaking out about what you want or what
you believe in. Finally, if the jokes made at my expense help bridge the gap between rural and urban life, if it helps people from different walks of life sit down with each other with an earnest desire to listen to someone who doesn't look like them, talk like them, or live like them, solely to understand one another better. I'm here for it. If that sentiment becomes my legacy because of this tweet, I'm perfectly fine with always being
known as the Faralhawk guy. Once again, Thank you Jamie and your listeners for your love of this episode.
And in keeping with the lovely Willia McNabb's work and mission.
You can learn more about Culture City.
In the description of this episode. And now everyone, Our final category of the minis It's the Big One twenty twenty four's main Character of the Year. Your nominees are.
MoU Dang Mooding heads into the new year bigger than ever, a.
Late entry but significant. Nonetheless, Luigi Manjunne.
We definitely know who wins time Sexiest alleged murderer of the Year. That would go to Luigi Mangioni, the suspect in the shooting of the CEO of United Healthcare, who has become the hottest cold blooded killer Hawk.
To a girl, Hailey Welch.
What's one move in bed that makes a mango crazy every time?
Oh, you gotta give him that hawk, dude, spend on that.
Jules Lebron, who popularized the word demure.
You see how you do my makeup for work? Very demure, very mindful. I don't come to work with a green cut crease, don't look like a clown when I go to work, I don't do too much. I'm very mindful while I'm at work.
What category would be complete without the wrizzler.
Snacks, the scoop, the gummies?
No oh, the cookies, Yeah, the cookies, the bone shaped ones.
And finally, Australia's own reygun.
For breakdancing had everyone talking for all the wrong reasons?
Is that a kangaroo reference?
Ronnie Now breaking her silence a week after she left bands wheeling from that performance at the Paris Olympics.
Now, this was a very difficult decision for the board to make, and by the board, I mean me at three in the morning. It's impossible to know which of these people will stand the test of time, even though we all know it is probably Luigi. But when it comes down to it, the main character of twenty twenty four is not the most historically significant. It is the person who represents the year, a year on the Internet
that has been defined by grift, by lies, and by desperation. No, I am not talking about the wrestler he's a kid, and that would be bullying.
The winner can only be Hawk to a girl.
Yes, Indeed, Hailey Welch absolutely speed ran through the main character experience in twenty twenty four, and while I will wager a guess that her fifteen minutes will continue, going from Summer TikTok talking headstar to Cryptogrifter in six months or less is truly astounding. But of course the story is far more complicated than that. Right, So even though Hawk Tua and Haley Welder's story will continue, I have a feeling I won't be talking to her anytime soon.
So we're gonna take a look at her fame and what it means about us next week, and that will conclude the first and final annual Mini Awards. Let's have those kids, Bob Kids play us out just terrible. Thank you for listening to sixteenth Minute this year. We'll be back next week breaking down the Hawk to a Cryptogrift with guests Molly White and Ed Zittron, and then we're gonna get back into the main characters, Know and Love.
You can comment on episodes you'd like to hear in twenty twenty five on our Reddit board and follow me over on Instagram at Jamie christ Superstar, as well as on Blue Sky and Twitter. Next year is gonna be so much better, guys, Just kidding, See.
You next week.
Sixteenth Minute the production of Whole Zone Media and iHeart Rodeops.
It is written, hosted, and produced by Me, Jamie Lastus.
Our executive producers are Sophie Lichterman and Robert Evans. The amazing Ian Johnson is our supervising producer and our editor.
Our theme song is by Sad thirteen. Voice acting is from Brant Crater and Pet.
Shout outs to our dog producer Anderson, my Kats Flee and Casper and my pet Rockbert, who will outlive us all.
Bye.