Quiet confidence doesn’t command or demand. It owns the room without having to prove anything. Welcome to The Simplify Your Life Podcast, where we talk about how to create a life you won’t need an escape from! I’m Coach Simona, author of the book “111 Ways to Simplify Your Life”, and I’m glad you decided to tune in! In today's podcast episode, I’m going to share with you the truth about quiet confidence and my 3-step guide on how to step into your true power as a woman.
Before we get into the ultimate guide on quiet confidence, let’s talk about what it actually means. Quiet confidence is your innate ability to feel self-aware, competent, strong, and believe in your own skills and abilities, without needing to demonstrate it. A great example of having quiet confidence is a woman who enters a crowded room and she’s neither wearing the most provocative dress, nor is laughing the loudest, but somehow everyone is drawn to her presence.
She exudes confidence with the way she talks, her mannerisms are slow and deliberate, she knows her worth, and everyone else in the room can feel it even if they can’t pinpoint what makes her so attractive in their eyes. She might not even be that conventionally attractive or the brightest person in the room, but the way she carries herself shows that she knows exactly where she stands and demonstrates her power, without having to advocate for herself.
So what are the 3 steps you can take to step into your true power as a woman? The first step is to Realize what’s stopping you from being unapologetically yourself One of the reasons why you might not be feeling confident in yourself is because you’re trying to keep yourself small. You might have developed this habit of downplaying your achievements or acting like you don’t know what you’re talking about, because you had an insecure parent or caretaker growing up.
And your way of surviving was to not outshine the person who gave you conditional love. At this point, it’s become such a habit that you need to consciously unlearn everything that no longer aligns with your truth and reinvent yourself. So how can you start being unapologetically yourself? By learning what’s stopping you in the first place. Here are some introspective questions you can ask yourself:
1. Can I remember a moment growing up when I felt like I had to keep myself small in order for someone else to shine? 2. Did someone make me feel insignificant, wrong, or bad for expressing my opinion? 3. Have I experienced some form of abuse, neglect, or bullying? While there are a lot more questions you can ask yourself, it’s important to go back in time and try to figure out the main reason for
not showing up unapologetically. Sometimes not being authentically who we are comes from suppressing certain aspects of ourselves also known as our shadow self. I’ve created a free cheat sheet on how to get to know yourself better. If you want to download it, just click the link in the description box below or head over to: coachsimona.com/shadow The next step is to Reframe your negative beliefs about yourself We’ve all had negative beliefs about ourselves at some point in our lives.
That’s part of our human nature. It all comes down to understanding that mean voice on the back of your head that’s constantly narrating your experiences. Let’s call it the inner critic. It’s the internalized voice of a parent, teacher, or primary caretaker. It’s not you. So how can you work on reframing the negative beliefs you have about yourself?
Well, let’s start by understanding what beliefs actually are. A belief is a thought that’s been repeated over and over again to the point of accepting it as truth. The thing about beliefs is that if you don’t question their validity and take consistent action to reframe them, they’re incredibly difficult to break. So you need to prepare yourself for a fight -- a fight with your old self, that’s no longer needed.
What is the first small step you can take to start reframing the beliefs you have about yourself? Well, let’s figure out what they are. An example of a negative belief that’s impacting your confidence might be: “I’m not good enough” or “I don’t deserve this” or “No one’s going to love the real me”. I want you to write down this belief.
For example, let’s say you think you’re not good enough. Every time you get into a fight with your partner, you expect them to leave, and you’re afraid that they’re going to find someone better than you. So you keep focusing on the things that are wrong in your relationship, and you’re reinforcing your fear of them leaving you.
Let’s flip the narrative. To reframe this belief, you can do the following: you can start looking for things that prove you are good enough, you’re loveable, and your partner is happy to be with you. Focus on the things you do right in the relationship: for example, the way you care for them when they’re sick, the way you listen when they’ve had a long bad day at work, or the way you two have so much fun when traveling together and exploring the world.
The more evidence you can find that’s opposite of your current negative belief, the easier it will be to form this new belief that is more aligned with your truth and your values. If you want to dive deeper into this topic, I’ve created a free masterclass called “3 Confidence
Secrets Every Woman Needs to Know”. If you want to register now, just click the first link in the description box below or head over to: coachsimona.com/masterclass The next step is to Master the power of charisma One of the aspects of quiet confidence is having charisma, being charming, warm, and open. There’s a specific formula for being charismatic that I share in The Confidence Code which I will leave a link to in the description box below.
But for the purposes of this video, I want to share with you the basics: What makes a woman charismatic? Charisma has three ingredients: authenticity, playfulness, and warmth. Let’s start with authenticity. What does it mean to be authentic? It means that your thoughts, feelings, words, and body language all align, and are a true expression of your current state. Now, let’s get into the second ingredient: playfulness.
What does it mean to be playful? It means to have fun, be light, laugh, tell people when you like something about them, ask them questions, be genuinely interested in what they have to say, be passionate, excited about life. Playfulness can look like laughing at someone’s joke because you thought it was funny, paying a genuine compliment, and approaching life with a childlike curiosity and wonder. And third ingredient of charisma is warmth.
Warmth is something we all women have, and it’s directly linked to our femininity. Unfortunately, many of us struggle when it comes to expressing it due to a series of unfortunate events in the past. So we promised ourselves to protect our hearts, no matter what. Your femininity and warmth are some of your greatest assets as a woman. Being warm has to do with the following traits: openness, nurturing, softness, kindness, friendliness, care.
When you’re warm, you attract people. They confide in you, they want to be around you, they feel safe and excited to share things with you. And here comes my bonus tip: Don’t overdo it Trying to come off as confident would be the opposite of quiet confidence, because you might be trying to overcompensate for not feeling confident right now. So the best way to approach quiet confidence is to relax, enjoy, be playful, and soft, and show your
true colors without needing to prove a point. I’ve created a video on my YouTube channel on what to do if you’re not feeling confident that will help you take a new approach to self-confidence. You can watch it by clicking the link in the description box below or visiting: youtube.com/coachsimona Thanks so much for tuning in! If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please like it, subscribe, and I’ll see you in the next one!