Welcome to The Simplify Your Life Podcast, where we talk about how to create a life you won’t need an escape from! I’m Coach Simona, author of the book “111 Ways to Simplify Your Life”, and I’m glad you decided to tune in! In today’s podcast episode, we’re going to talk about how to get over regret, and I’m going to share with you my 3-step process on how to stop regretting things from the past. First of all, what is regret, and why do we struggle with it?
Regret is the emotion you feel when you’re sorry for something you’ve done in the past, for the way things turned out to be, or when you wish that you’d made a different decision because you didn’t like the consequences of your actions. But why do we struggle with regret? Regret is one of those emotions that linger for a while. It creates this huge story in your
mind that you keep repeating to yourself over and over again. And as with any other story, the more you pay attention to it, the more you start believing it. In this case, the story that you wish you hadn’t done something or things hadn’t turned out the way they did, turns into a negative belief you have about yourself and the world around you. The thing is every time you have this story in your mind of how much you regret it, you start fueling the emotion of regret, and vice versa.
So how can you break the cycle? Let’s get into step #1 on how to get over regret, which is to: Discover why you’re holding onto that regret I want you to as yourself some introspective questions to understand the real reason for holding onto that regret. 1. What happened? 2. Who was there? 3. What did you say or do? 4. What do you regret exactly? 5. What does regret give you? 6. What does it take away from you?
The fifth question is really important, because it shows why you keep holding onto that regret, instead of allowing yourself to move on. There is something that regret is providing for you right now and you need to realize what that is. Is it self-pity? Or a way to beat yourself up because that’s what you’re used to? Are you deriving a sense of your identity by holding onto that regret?
Sometimes we’re not aware of certain aspects of our personalities, because we’re trying to suppress them. I’ve created a free cheat sheet on how to get to know your shadow self. If you want to download it, just click the first link in the description box below or head over to: coachsimona.com/shadow Now let’s move onto step #2 which is to: Forgive yourself (and other people, if necessary) Forgiving yourself is one of the most important things you need to do if
you want to get over regret. Why? Because that’s the only way to let go of the past. Sometimes regretting things also involves others, so it might be a good idea to think of a way to forgive them as well. The thing about forgiveness is that it’s not about the other person, it’s about you. And the sooner you decide to stop depriving yourself of the possibility to heal, the easier it will be to get over regret.
For example, if you’ve been wanting to change your diet or exercise more, but you haven’t been consistent with your routine and you regret your meal choices in the past week, you might be having
“Ugh, I’m such a failure”, “Here we go again… I’m right back where I started”, etc. If you keep beating yourself up for the past version of you who didn’t have the knowledge and self-awareness that the present you has, you’re creating a negative thinking loop, that keeps reinforcing the same emotions, and the same behaviors. So if you want to change your behavior in the future, you need to start by forgiving yourself for not showing up in the past.
You don’t have to keep doing this to yourself. You can forgive yourself, and give yourself grace. The truth is that we’re all doing the best that we can from the current state of consciousness that we’re in. Meaning, you did the best that you could at the time, so there’s no point in beating yourself up anymore. Instead of listening to the inner critic who keeps saying mean things in your mind, you can forgive yourself by accepting that the past is gone and you can’t change it.
You did the best that you could. No matter what happened, it’s over. You’re free to rewrite your story. It’s up to you whether you decide to dwell on the past or get off the floor where you’ve been kicking yourself for years, and finally get over regret. Sometimes when we regret things in the past, we lack self-confidence and feel like our power has
been taken away. If you want to learn more on this topic, you can register for my free masterclass “3 Confidence Secrets Every Woman Needs to Know” by clicking the link in the description box below or visiting: coachsimona.com/masterclass Which brings me to the next step which is to: Reframe the situation in your mind When you have regret over something you did or something that happened in the past,
you’re holding onto a story. You’re viewing the situation in a particular way that’s not favorable to you in the present moment. Instead of thinking how much it hurt, or how naive you were, or something else, you can choose to ask yourself another questiin: How has this situation helped me grow? Some events lead to unfavorable consequences and some of them are more serious than others, but even the worst outcomes teach us lessons, as long as we’re alive.
What has this situation taught you? How can you use the mistake you’ve made to grow and evolve as a person? Do you need to make amends? The easiest way to reframe past regret is to gather evidence that can help you prove the opposite of what you think of the situation right now. What do I mean by this? Well, let’s say you have regret over eating junk food in the past and being overweight. You might have thoughts like: “I’m such a failure.”
First, I want you to question this belief and its validity so it’s easier to reframe it. Who told you that you’re a failure? What does a being a failure even mean? Can you at least entertain the idea that you’re not a failure but maybe a regular person who didn’t make the best choices in the past? Pay attention to the thoughts that are going through your mind. Now, I want you to think of some things that prove you’re not a failure. For example, have you ever said something
and followed through? Have you tried a healthier diet at least for a few days? I want you to flip the narrative in your favor and pay attention to all the good things you do on a daily basis. The more you focus on that, the more you’re going to act accordingly, and that will reframe the way you see past regret in time. Thanks so much for tuning in! If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please like it, subscribe, and I’ll see you in the next one!