Welcome to The Simplify Your Life Podcast, where we talk about how to create a life you won’t need an escape from! I’m Coach Simona, author of the book “111 Ways to Simplify Your Life”, and I’m glad you decided to tune in! In today’s podcast episode, we're going to talk about 5 signs you lack self-love, and I'm going to share with you how to start your self-love journey today.
The first sign you lack self-love is that You’re critical of yourself Self-criticism is all about having a negative evaluation of yourself. When you criticize yourself, you’re seeing yourself in a negative light and attributing unpleasant events or circumstances to your lack of competence or knowledge. That leads me to the question: What is this internalized voice in your head?
Let’s call it the inner critic. It is always there: watching, lurking, staying in the background, and saying the mean critical things that you used to hear growing up. It’s the internalized voice of a parent, teacher, or primary caretaker. What's important to note here is that self-criticism has a direct impact on your self-confidence. How can you be confident in yourself if you keep beating yourself up all the time?
There are actually three confidence secrets nobody talks about, and I think they’re all super important if you want to stop being so critical of yourself and build self-confidence. In my brand new masterclass, I want to share them with you.
If you want to register now, click the first link in the description box below or head over to: coachsimona.com/masterclass The second sign you lack self-love is that You’re people-pleasing Lacking self-love is directly linked to prioritizing other people’s needs before your own. Maybe someone made you feel guilty growing up, or you always wanted to be there for others, but you couldn't justify being there for yourself. I get that. I used to feel guilty for choosing myself,
for doing things that were actually for me. For a long time, I felt selfish for prioritizing myself over others in various situations. But you know what I’ve realized? I don’t owe anything to anyone. And neither do you. Even if you feel mom-guilt or your partner says you can’t have the evening to yourself, I want you to know that it’s not your fault. So, what can you do to prevent one of the most destructive feelings from ruining your life?
Well, the first step you can take is to realize that taking care of yourself and not people pleasing doesn’t mean that you don’t care about others. Taking care of yourself is your birthright and no one can take that away from you. You owe it to yourself. And if you still feel the guilt creeping in, think about it this way: if you don’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of others? Sometimes we people-please because there are certain aspects of our personalities
that we haven’t fully integrated. I’ve created a free cheat sheet that will help you get to know yourself better and integrate the parts of you that you don’t like. If you want to download it, just click link in the description box below or head over to: coachsimona.com/shadow The next sign that you lack self-love is Self-doubt When you doubt yourself for whatever reason, you’re not showing up as your most authentic self.
You’re probably not giving yourself permission to step into your true power; you’re keeping yourself in a box due to the false beliefs and limitations taught by society, and you may feel like you need constant reassurance from the outside world to start believing in yourself. When you’re doubting yourself, or you’re not keeping the promises you make to yourself, you’re subconsciously telling yourself that you can’t be trusted.
Which means next time, faced with an important decision, you’ll start thinking about all the worst-case scenarios and you’ll end up doubting yourself again.
all of these people that you’re hiding from, don’t really care about what you do as much as you think they do. They may even say a few bad things behind your back, but does that really matter? When you look back 20 years from now, would these people even be a part of your life? Don’t let your self-doubt crush your dreams. And give yourself permission to be exactly who you are. The only way to truly love yourself is to accept that sometimes you won’t get it right, and that’s okay.
That's just part of being human. The truth is that doubting yourself won’t get you anywhere. But taking action will. The next sign you lack self-love is You don’t trust yourself As someone who’s struggled with self-trust for years, I can tell you one thing for sure: No matter what your reason is for not trusting yourself, it is important to first find the root cause.
I can tell you from my personal experience that my reason for not trusting myself was deeply rooted in being disconnected from my body, which was a coping mechanism I developed growing up to protect myself. For you, the reason for not trusting yourself might be different: you may have experienced some form of abuse, and couldn’t defend yourself, so you internalized the belief that you don’t deserve your own trust.
Another possible reason for not trusting yourself might be growing up in a codependent family. When all decisions someone makes impact all other parties involved, it may be a sign that these relationships are not healthy. The next sign you lack self-love is Comparing yourself Let’s be real here: we’ve all done it and will probably do it again. It's part of our human nature. Your ego’s job is to keep you alive and that includes assessing any signs of
possible danger so you’re safe and protected. The tricky thing is that most of the time we run on auto-pilot and we assign a different meaning to this primal survival instinct. We may hear our inner critic say something like: “You’re not good enough”, “You will never achieve success”, “They’re so much better than you”, etc. The important thing is to catch yourself every time you get into a negative loop and observe it from a distance.
The more self-awareness you develop, the easier it will become to spot the inner critic and not let it ruin your relationships. When you compare yourself to others, you’re doing something very destructive: you’re not only projecting your insecurities onto others, but you’re also strengthening that false belief that you’re not good enough, which is simply not true. I need you to remember that your worth is inherent! And no amount of money, fame,
or external validation will change that. You’re already enough, so it’s time to realize that comparing yourself to others is simply a waste of time. We both know that it’s up to you, so take your power back by taking responsibility for your choices. So now that we know the 5 most common signs you lack self-love, how can you develop it? I’ve made an entire video called 8 self love habits that changed my life.
I will link in the description box below, but for the purposes of this episode let me give you the first step you can take to start your self-love journey today: Stop suppressing your emotions I used to dread facing my emotions, because I viewed them as a sign of weakness. Growing up, I was told that I needed to “toughen up,” “stop acting like a girl,” and “not cry in front of anyone” Not only were all of these things not helpful, but they also made
me feel resentful of who I was. As a highly sensitive person who got bruised easily, I had to develop this “tough girl act” to protect myself from getting hurt. It took me many years to realize that showing vulnerability and embracing my emotions only made me stronger. The funny thing is that I didn’t trust myself to feel these emotions. I couldn’t let them come to the surface. I felt like they would completely consume me, and I wouldn’t be able to handle them.
Turns out, I just didn’t know how to create a safe place to express them. So here’s what I want you to do if you struggle with facing your emotions: Next time you feel the wave of emotions coming, I want you to set aside at least 10 minutes of your time throughout the day. Find a quiet place at home where you would be alone and won’t be disturbed for a few minutes. Sit with your back straight in a comfortable position (or lie down on a flat surface), and close your eyes.
Now, I want you to take a few deep breaths and try to notice what’s going on in your body. What emotions are most prominent? If any negative emotion wants to come to the surface, don’t try to escape it. Let it pass through your body without resisting it. See your negative thoughts and sensations for what they truly are: transient, temporary, repetitive. Let them pass through your mind and body, no matter how unpleasant they feel at the time.
If you have trouble separating yourself from your emotions and seeing them from a distance, start labeling them each time they come up. Whenever you notice a thought or a negative emotion passing through your body, just label it in your mind by saying: “This is just an emotion.” That's one of the many tools you will find in The Self-Love Toolkit, which is my
proven step-by-step framework that will help you learn to love yourself unconditionally. If you want to learn more, just click the first link in the description box below or head over to: www.theselflovetoolkit.com Thanks so much for tuning in! If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please like it, subscribe, and I’ll see you in the next one.