Welcome to The Simplify Your Life Podcast, where we talk about how to create a life you won’t need an escape from! I’m Coach Simona, author of the book “111 Ways to Simplify Your Life”, and I’m glad you decided to tune in. In today’s podcast episode, we’re going to talk about fear of being seen, and I’m going to share with you how to stop hiding and be unapologetically you.
Before we jump into my practical tips, I want to spend a few seconds and answer one very important question: Why are we afraid of being seen?
There are a few possible reasons for being afraid of showing up unapologetically, but I’m going to mention the 5 most common ones: The first one is Having an insecure parent or primary caretaker If you grew up in a family where one or two of your parents were insecure, that might have influenced your early experiences when it comes to interacting with the world.
What do I mean by this? Imagine a secure caretaker: they’re happy when their children achieve things and feel proud of them, without trying to steal the spotlight and attribute their children’s successes to their effort as parents. An insecure parent, on the other hand, would feel intimidated, sometimes even envious, when their children succeed. They would try to diminish their accomplishments and take credit for things that have nothing to do with them.
Now, here’s an interesting thing. We see the term “narcissism” thrown around all the time, but not every parent who is self-absorbed is necessarily a narcissist. They just might be insecure, depressed, or have a complicated relationship with their own parents.
In a nutshell, if you grew up with an insecure parent, you might feel hesitant to show the world what you’re capable of, because you’re trying to protect yourself by keeping yourself small, since that was the only way you could feel loved growing up. Which actually brings me to the second reason for being afraid of being seen and that is Comparing yourself to others
We do this all day every day whether we realize it or not. It’s part of our human nature: we compare so we know where we stand in our social circle, and can have an objective opinion of our place in the world. The problem is that when you compare yourself too much to others, you start losing your individuality. You lose your quirks and turn into this vanilla, cookie-cutter, perfect version of
someone who doesn’t really exist. If you often see others doing better than you or perceive them as being better-looking than you, you start criticizing yourself even more, which keeps you in your shell, and at some point, you refuse to come out and show the world what you’re truly capable of. The third reason for hiding and not showing your true, authentic self is Having a poor self-image
What do I mean by this? If you see yourself as someone who has a lot of flaws and you magnify everything that’s wrong with you instead of celebrating everything that makes you unique, vibrant, and interesting, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. Poor self-image is one of the leading reasons for being afraid of being seen. How can you want to show up in the world and do brave things when you don’t feel enough as you are?
For some of us, this might mean being insecure about our looks, having poor body image, or being embarrassed about the way we talk or show up on camera. Which actually brings me to the next reason for being afraid of being seen, and that is Atelophobia Now, you might be wondering: what is atelophobia? Atelophobia is a type of anxiety disorder characterized by having a fear of imperfection
or fear of not being good enough. When a person suffers from atelophobia, they’re prone to seeing the negative side of a situation first and they consider making mistakes unacceptable. If you have atelophobia, you may constantly worry about your ability to meet your own standards and the standards of others. This fear can lead to a lack of confidence, making it difficult to pursue goals or even interact with others.
I’ve actually dedicated an entire episode on this topic, so if you want to learn more, make sure to make sure to check out episode 177 after this one. The next reason for hiding and not being unapologetically yourself is You’re afraid of failure Fear of failure is an interesting one. It happens when you’re terrified of the negative consequences of your choices.
Let’s say you’re an entrepreneur, and you feel afraid of being seen. You’ve wanted to start your own YouTube channel for years, but you feel afraid of being judged. You might have great ideas but give up too quickly because you’re afraid of what everyone else is going to think of you if you fail. You want to protect yourself, so instead of taking risks, you hold yourself back by hiding.
Okay, now that we’ve explored the 5 most common reasons for being afraid of being seen, let’s get into my step-by-step guide on how to stop hiding and be unapologetically you. The first step is to ask yourself: “Is this a fact?” When we have fear of being seen, we often have these negative thinking loops ranging from
“They’re going to think I’m stupid” to “I’m not good enough so I’d rather not do it”. So I want you to pay close attention to the most repetitive negative thoughts you have on a daily basis. What is going on in your mind when you’re trying to show up unapologetically in the world? For the next few days, I want you to keep a diary of the most repetitive negative thoughts that show up in your mind. Then, I want you to read them out loud, and see how they’re impacting your emotional state.
Now, ask yourself: “Is this a fact?” for each and every one of them.
People will think I’m a fraud. Would that mean it’s true? Of course not.
“Is this a fact?” you’re going to challenge your negative thoughts and beliefs, which actually brings me to the second step you need to take if you’re afraid of being seen: Do something that scares you every day In order to do the big scary things and stop playing small, you need to start warming yourself up to the possibility of failing, being ridiculed, or something else that you’re trying to avoid. The easiest way to start is to do something small that scares you
every single day. Let’s say your big goal is to be a successful YouTuber. Well, the first step that would scare you would be to create the channel. Then, you might try something else that scares you such as recording a video on your phone without uploading it. Then, you might upload a short video without showing your face. And so on, and so on.
Start small to build momentum. If you do too much too soon you might overwhelm yourself and all the good work you’ve already done will simply go to waste. So be patient and gentle with yourself and remember that it’s better to take small steps towards creating a life you won’t need an escape from instead of staying in the same place for the rest of your life. The next step you need to take if you’re afraid of being seen is to Stop caring what other people think of you
Easier said than done, right? As someone who was bullied growing up, I know how hard it can be to stop caring what other people think of you. But I want you to flip the narrative. Stop making it about you. Think about all the people who are never going to get your help. It’s not about the opinion of some random internet troll in the basement, it’s about helping people by living in your truth. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.
All you need to be is someone who’s sharing their story, their struggles, their unapologetic self with the world. Some people won’t resonate with you or even like you, and that’s okay. If you just help one person, wouldn’t that be enough to make it worth your time and effort? Stop caring about what others think of you, and start focusing on the amazing gifts you have. Get excited about sharing them and helping others.
Because the truth is that 500 years from now, nobody would remember either one of us, so there’s no reason to dwell on every little mistake or try to hide your true self from the world. The only way to become abundantly confident is to be unapologetically you. So, go out there and be your true, authentic self. Your future self will thank you for it.
And if you want a proven step-by-step framework that will help you heal, love and accept yourself for exactly who you are, check out The Self-Love Toolkit by visiting: www.theselflovetoolkit.com Thank you so much for tuning in! If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please like it, subscribe, and I will see you in the next one.