Come out with something spectacular.
You wanted it here. It is Welcome to the show. It's gonna be your grand old walm. It's Melan Monty. He you today, the singing stays. You voted yay.
Do you know what it needs? It needs like a curtain. Remember when the Muppets the current Fozzy Bear, Yeah, they always used to throw.
Tomatoes at him, though, poor Fozzy tomatoes Izzy your fuzzy Bear.
No, he didn't do that. The Kermit was the.
No, it's the muppetroll and today, but Fozzy used to as a skit used to do comedy in there, and they used to throw tomatoes at him. Anyway, We put a pole on Instagram because I'm like, maybe you're going to give up the singing. At the start, eighty percent of you psychopaths said keep it. So for the twenty percent of you that it drives absolutely bonkers and you probably fast forward, it's like a dick. It's staying.
Yeah, it's staying. But now you've really got to get on your game, like I have to.
Now you have to hurse it. It's just whatever my body feels. I'm getting to the booth like jay Z and it just comes out Okay, all right, Now, before we started, you're like, hey, Monty, I was thinking.
Of a new segment of.
A new segment that will end up doing once. But you're like, you know how I always have random facts. Your brain is full of the most random shit. And you're like, I want to kick off every podcast after you sing with one random fact that I've learned.
Yes, I feel learning is important.
Okay, why don't we trial it today and then put it to the people if they want a random fact every week?
Okay? Did you know there's a German word heim schiser. I think that's how you say it, probably wrong pronunciation, and it directly translates to a person who is unable to shoot anywhere but home, so it literally means home shitter. I'm a hem schreiser.
Most people are a heme shiser.
No they are not.
I think they are. My son's a heim shisser for sure. Who My son, my eldest son, all through primary school, could never shit at school and just would come home sometimes bolt in the front door. I think most people prefer to be homesheimers.
Prefer is the word. But a lot of people are like, if you've got to go, you got to go because I'm not good to hold it in.
No, it's not I'm doing all this pelvic stuff at the moment. I went down this rabbit hole recently too on Google or actually with a physio.
No, this is such a good recommend No, not with a physio. Do you remember when you were in hospital after the kids and I had my kids at Saint Vincent's Private in Melbourne, did you have yours?
I had two of mine.
They're okay, and they offer you like sessions to go and see a physio or whatever, and I'm like, what do I need a phisio for. I'm sort of like, I'm not having issues, but I'm mindful of that entire area now, and I'm like, I probably should have.
I reckon, we all should have. If you're about to have a baby, make sure you go and see a physio. But my digestions all fucked up. I spoke about this on icronic with books, our podcasts or about chronic health, but I don't ship properly too much information, Like I just just can't. But it's due to my pelvic region. So I went to the pelvic phisio, like a specific physio, and she shoved her fingers up at my vagina. Yeh, shoved her fingers up my ass. Yes, I had to do all different exercises and now.
You have please keep going. I'm kidding going.
I had to get the squatty potty, which we all used to have. I've written up exercises that are plastered next to my toilet. Sam's always like, you're on your exercises, which is they're so crook, But how did we get onto that?
Oh you're Yes, there's an Instagram page just this awesome woman. I think it's called Female Physio Co or something like that. When she comes up in my feed, it's just she'll say, stop, okay, now we're going to do our public floor exercises. And instead of just you know, like usually it's just you know, like clench release, clench release, it's almost like hit a heat workout. Like she'll be okay, now, you know, like on, and she goes like on off, on off, So you.
Saw her the other day, yes.
But then she'll go okay, now on and hold and then she's like squeeze a bit tighter and then she's counting you down so you actually you get engaging it. Yes, there's also wands that you can buy because if your pelvic floor is tight as well, which can really disrupt your shitting. Right, you can put wands up your vagina.
Of wand like a fairy wand a star.
No, no, it looks it pretty much. It looks like a vibrator, a non vibrating vibrator or whatever. Looks a bit like a sex toy. But you put it up there. But the way it's shaped, you can move it so it hits all the muscles like on the side and whatever. But it can go up your anus, up your vagina. Obviously wash it carefully.
But if you swapped between a noos to vagina. But I told you did I tell you how one of my friends had a bit of a prolapse and went in to get the prolapse fixed and also said, well, can you tie me a bit now? Her husband's penis does not fit. So she's the one who put me onto this physio. She has to go all the time get vaginally penetrated by the woman and has got those wands that you're talking about, and she's like, I'm meant to do it like every day. She's like, I just can't.
Though. That is like a tragedy that's isn't it. What was that surgeon doing.
I don't know. But but then they're like, you can come and get a you know, releasing.
He's like, I don't want to go under again to get it released, and then it's too released.
Yes, that's and she's right into the fairy pawn. That book fairy porn. She's like makes her so hot and heavy that she just endures, like getting it stretched by her husband.
Oh my god, I know. You know. There's also like just on the pelvic floor stuff. There's I think it's called perry Fit or something. It's like a device that you put in again, it looks like a sex toy. You put it inside yourself, but it's linked to an app that's almost like you play a game. So like, let's imagine it's like Super Mario Brothers. Every time you've got to jump over a brick, you tighten, Oh my god.
And that's sort of yeah, and it shows you the strength that which you're tightening with and stuff.
Wow, you got to keep it tidy tight, you know, got to keep it tidy. Hey, something that is coming back with a little bit of nostalgia.
Oh my god. I read probably late last week McDonald's birthday parties are coming back. Yeah, I didn't know that they stopped them.
Oh my god, of course they stopped them. There's so many of art, like my kids friends that wouldn't be allowed to have McDonald some that wouldn't have even had McDonald's their whole life. Where where like anytime we were in the card, you guys wanted to go past McDonald's where a macas family. Never would I go to Hungry Jack's. That shit's crook.
That's the only birthday party I had at one of those places. It was a Hungry Jack.
Oh are you so it's like the poor man's McDonald's.
No, listen to this. Where I grew up, I think the first McDonald's we got. I'd have to double check this, but I feel like I was definitely in high school. We didn't have a maca's. Prior to that, we only had Hungry Jacks. It was my eighth birthday. Oh, it was a shit.
It would have been terrible because where's Ronald and where's your happy meals or something?
To you just sat there was there a no you know, I feel like there was like a fake tram.
Oh, it's kind of cool, but for three minutes and then what do you do?
Yeah, but sure, I've told you this before. I threw Mark for his twenty first a surprise McDonald's party in the party room because he always wanted a Maca's party as a kid. Oh but he just never had one. So everyone like, oh yeah, yeah he did. Like well, everyone was there sitting around like this massive table. It was a whole room. Everyone was wearing like party hats with a little bag and stuff. Yeah.
See it would it's a very bold move to do that with kids. Now do you know what I mean to go? Okay, we're going to have the party at McDonald's, because there'd be so many parents that be like, oh my god, no you can't go, Like they just wouldn't be into it. For some reason. Maccas is the absolute devil, Like it's the devil to a lot of people. How distinctive is the smell in macas, Like if you were smelling my family, Yeah, if I was to blindfold you
and walk you in there, you'd go on Mat maccas. Yeah.
And also I think I think the reason it's coming back and it doesn't seem so shocking is there were a bigger fish to fry. Yes, then a bit of artificial whatever.
Totally, the world's fucked. So have a burger if you want, you want nine nuggets instead of six, you knock yourself out. You know. I worked at Maccars. That was my first job.
No, I did not know what. Maybe bucked it out because you've had a lot of jobs.
I've had a lot of jobs, and Maccas was my first job, and I think I was. It was when you were legally allowed, so fourteen and nine months and I remember like the lady called me to go, oh, can you come in for an interview? And I said, yeah, sure, what should I wear? And I told my mum and she pissed her pants because I asked the lady what I should wear to the actual interview. Then I got the job. I hated it so much. I was always put on drive through and it was freezing, freezing of
the drive through. Oh. I was never allowed to do the actual food. I would take the orders. And then I remember once some older girls from school came in and I was working at the front counter and they asked for a Sunday and I butchered that fucking thing like it was running all over the carp The chocolate sauce was everywhere, and I handed it over and one of the girls go, you are not eating that in my car? And I was so embarrassed.
Isn't it funny? Oh? I was speaking the other day on Insta with your very good friend Claire, Oh yes, and I put up the old grab of us with the maths.
Oh yes, carrying questions and we got them all wrong, not thinking we got them wrong.
And I was saying, how you know, I used to work at Cole's and just the giving of change when you'd plug it in and then they'd go, oh, no, here, I've got the fifty cents, and that I'd be like a deer in the headlights because I just don't compute numbers. Yes, And she'd said to me, I'll ask Monty about when,
like my first job selling nuts or whatever. She used to roast nuts, or the burning the nuts, because she used to get so freaked out with having to give people their change that she would have burned the nuts that were being roasted.
So funny. So she worked in this market and it was an undercover market. It was like so far from her house. I don't even know how she got there. And you know how markets they used to do roasted hazel nuts. I think they were in nuts chestnuts chestnuts in the actual like, so the outside was roasted.
It's a very big wog thing, oh is it?
Well she's not a wog, so she probably shouldn't have had this job. But so she's standing there roasting them and yes, like us ADHD and Y, his numbers and stuff is not her specialty. Would got so flustered that she burnt the shit the enoughs smell. The whole fucking market nearly had to evacuate because of these nuts being burnt. If you knew her, she it just the flusteredness of her. I literally was rolling around on the ground laughing at this.
Isn't it so funny that I always I say this to my kids all the time, and I really try to remember it myself. Times that you fuck up or when you do something so like excruciatingly embarrassing, I always think to myself, this is going to be a funny story one day. Yeah, even though when you're in it that you do it's terrible when you're in it. But then and also like content.
Totally when anything happens, like that's something to talk about. By now, I can't remember the last time I got truly embarrassed, though, Like it doesn't happen as an adult. That's why we need to almost teach our kids when you get embarrassed, soak up that feeling. Also nervous. Nervous and embarrassment is something that is like just what happens when you're a kid. As you get older, that kind of fizzles out a lot.
I don't know if i'd call it embarrassment, but I know that that I get. I'm very aware of sometimes, like how much I overtalk or overshare, and like sometimes as soon as something comes out of my mouth, I meet like in front of it's gonna say in front of someone I'm not familiar with, and then I think
about all the stuff I say on this podcast. But you know, it's like when you're talking and then all of a sudden you think, oh, no, went too far, Maybe I shouldn't have said that, And then afterwards you're thinking, oh, I look crazy.
I hadn't exchanged the other day with a lady who's a friend with a friend, and she walked out of the doctors when I was walking in side. Note I think I've got arthritis in my wrist, so fucking annoying after a cast thing at night and I'm like, can't hold things in it. It's so annoying, so old, my body is falling apart.
That would have been your dream as a kid, though, like how much you just want to wear bandages and stuff?
Any form of attention was epic as a kid. But anyway, speaking of oversharing, this lady walked out and like, oh, how are you going. She's like, good, just here, perrymanopause. I'm just so sad. I'm on the antidepressants and I'm like, whoa, you're an overshareer too. It was like bang bang bang, And so to make her feel better, I'm like, oh mate, I'm on all the stuff, don't worry about it. And then I said, have a good day, see you later.
You know you've found your people. It's like when you're at the shops and someone's kids like going bananas or whatever, and you might just look at the mum and go, I know, I know or whatever, just in solidarity. Sometimes they'll be like for fuck's sake, And then sometimes they'll look at you like what the fuck are you? Yes, walking bitch.
Yes, totally. I know, speaking of things that are like from your childhood, like the Macca's party. The other day, I thought about the Manaco bar. I remember the Manaco bars.
My sister in law went through a stage where she was making them because she missed them. You can make them because the Monaco You know what the Monaco bar was. The Monaco bar was the other side of the maxibon.
Of course, it was just toois chocolates get soggy.
Yes, yeah, I remembered foil.
Yes, we had to unwrap it like like almost how the Eskimo pies used to be before they got put in.
Schmo pie was green packaging.
Yeah, my mum's favorite were Eskimo pies. But I remember as a kid not liking the Monaco bar and then giving it several cracks, and then loving the Monaco Bar. I don't like one of those Maxi bonds. I tried it. I bought ones for the kids the other day and I sat there and ate it, and I'm like, this is shit.
I'll tell you what I find very annoying about the Maxibon. I don't really like the Monaco bar side. Okay, and there is a like I don't know if everybody does this, but you know you want to leave the bit you like best last, totally right. You're forced to eat the best side first, Yeah, because the best side is just covered in chocolate and then your hands will get all melted out, so it's very annoying.
The other side is like a Magnum though, it's like half Magnum half Manarco bar.
Yeah, true it is, but not as good as a Magnum, not.
As like remember when Magnums first came out, and then it was Magnum almond. Oh, I love a Magnum almond. They have halved in size. It's just horseshit.
I know. Well, you know what else speaking of like things being horseshit, because they do. It's like they hit the pinnacle and then they fuck with the bloody formula. Yes, like dumb cut corners and then it's shit. It's making me aggressive. I can tell the original Milo bar remember when it was.
Just you have. You're quite passionate about this, because you have mentioned this before.
I've probably mentioned it several times. Yes, I want to bring it back.
It's very dry to me.
Yeah, you got an issue with dry, don't you? Yeah?
I do, well, you're the one that raw dog shit and goes for the Milo Bar over any other bar. Like you have to have a drink with you if you drink if you're eating the Milo Bar, and it feels like it should be a glass of milk, which is disgusting to me.
I'm not having a glass of milk never. But Munchro's. I think we've talked about Mancherro. Yes, how problematic was that?
Ad? Oh god, well, now you would never get away with Manchross I know.
And also Mark and I were talking the other day about sunny boys.
Yeah, they were great.
I think they discontinued. You can't buy them anymore.
I haven't seen one in a while. We used to have those at our primary school, Yes, and they were good because they were big. Like as a kid, you just wanted your things to be big. But then you'd suckle the juice out and you'd just be left with ice, same as when your mum would freeze your primas or your juice boxes and you'd suck it and then they'd just be like white ice in the bottom. I loved a prima. They called juice boxes here, and savoys are called jats in New South Wales.
There was an article that came out the other day. I saw that there is a difference between savoys and jats.
I don't think so exa it said it so well, that's dumb, exact same packaging. They taste exactly the same while you look it up to prove me wrong. Another thing that is different here is you say wagging in Melbourne and they don't say wagging here. They say skipping, like yeah, accident, know what wagging was?
It sounds very American?
What wagging or skipping?
Skipping, skipping, screwing, wagging? Wagging sounds real ozzy.
I remember the first time I wagged, I got busted too, was so scary. Yeah, it was terrible. We sat down a lane way and the teacher walked past like we obviously were just dumb doing it close to the school. So I remember telling my mom because school today, she wasn't cross at all. I think the key is that just you just got to be honest.
I never wagged a day. What I never wagged a full day. The worst I did was I would like because this McDonald's that opened when I was in high school, we used to jump the fence and like cross the main road, go to the macas and come back. And that was like when I was in VCE. Other than that my mom, because my mum would have killed me. I would have been in so much trouble.
See, that's why you sometimes need really strict parents. I don't think I went to a full day of school year eleven and twelve, Like I just didn't. Nah, I'd never went to a full school day. I'd sit either in the common room is that what I was called for year elevens and twelve is a common room? Or i'd live. My school was out like country kind of, so I would have there was no way, like you'd have to ride a cow home. But I would always call my auntie on my par to come and pick
me up. And then I got my license in July of the last year. Oh my god, I would just have a car full of kids and we would leave at like eleven o'clock every day.
That would have been the best. It was, Oh my god, it would have been the best.
My hay Unday Excel and it was petrol unleaded, and I put diesel in it once and it just stopped working.
That is the most monty thing I've ever heard. Its like just quick, not paying attention, paying any get it done. Put it in what color? Was it marone? Maroon? Of course it was Maron metallic or like.
Flat not flat. It wasn't Matt, which I hate Matt cars. You know when people drive rain drovers which cost like six million dollars and they do matte black. I'm like, you've just ruined that you have? You know that?
Do you know what they look like? They look like I know, when you polish your kids' school shoes, but not shiny polish that like someone's put Matt polish all over the calf.
It doesn't look like that. They look like they're a bit wrong, which I used to have Doc Martin's in school. Right, you used to have eight ups and my friend had twelve ups, which was wild. They went nearly halfway up her legs and that's what we wore to school, and I polished mine when she was over at my house. They went They looked like Ronald McDonald's shoes, but black version.
They were so shiny. I was so embarrassed, and I begged her to let me do her twelve ups so I wouldn't be the only one with shiny shoes and she let me do it.
Are you still friends with her?
Yeah, this is Peter. No, we're not still for the one who I found that body friend. Yeah, we were best friends and she was how lovely? Is that because they looked fucking ridiculous?
That's a great friend, isn't it that? That that that you just said is what deters me from ever buying a pair of docks again, because they were the all time greatest shoe I ever had. I had a pair of docks from like year nine up until I was like twenty five.
Wow, you run my gold.
They were so good and they you know, they just molded to you.
They were perfect.
But I'm getting a new pair. I don't want the newness a new pairs terrible.
I tried a few years ago to get the Cherry docks and I got them, and I was embarrassed in front of myself. Yeah, no, no good, no good at this age.
And also speaking of things from our childhood that have gone, you can't wag anymore.
No, you can't.
Kids can't. Oh, you know, Luca was not at school today. Luca was not present in this.
You get that amount of text I get going Buckster is absent from school. Today because he rarely goes. I'm like, oh my god, Yeah, there's no way that it's a lot harder to wag nowadays than in the good old days. Bat So Instagram. What's popping up in my feet all the time is those women putting on the lip stains that you pull off. Yes, have you seen them? Yes? I have. There is nothing I love more than a lipstain.
So any lipstick I wear, I block down to a stain because I love a stained lip, just a slight red blotted stain. And I look at these and they look fantastic, and I'm very tempted to purchase, although the only one that I've found to purchase. You have to purchase every color. I'm like, I do I want every color? I just want the red on Myron, do you reckon? They work?
They do work, and they probably are really suited to someone like you who has quite full lips. You're not looking for you're not trying to, you know, make your love puller. You want to look like you've been sucking on a red icy pole.
Exactly what I eat in cherries, and then with a bitter lip gloss over the top. Yeah. But then I'm also like how long does it last? Does it last like an hour? Because that's not worth it.
I've got to ask my sister because I'm pretty sure she's got the Oh, ask her, Yeah, I'll ask her because she's got really full lips as well. But I think they last all day? Do I really actively scrub them?
Please ask her and text me out if it works, because I've got a Revlon one that I use but lasts like an hour. I've got to reapply it all the time. I want a full day. Almost tempted to get the tattoo of a lip stain. Have you seen that? Yeah?
Like I think it's called a lip blush, yeah, or something to do that. Anything, anything that's permanent like that. I'm too scared because what if.
I know what you mean? I know a girl that's got permanent eyeliner.
No, no, you can't, you can't. Can't. Even the micro blading on the brows not what it cracked up to be. I don't think it's micro blading tattoos like the tattooing, but you know, like it's.
Some people it looks great. Are the people when they don't have any eyebrows? It just looks like completely drawn on.
But it's still the thing is it's still a tattoo. You've got a tattoo. I've got a tattoo over time. What happens to that tattoo? The ink it's sort of bleeds. Yeah, it's you know what I mean. You probably don't look at yours much.
Because it's on the top of my barm.
I never tram stamp, but you know, like I look at mine, and I'm like, I can see that it's it's it almost looks like it bleeds, lose the edges and whatever like that.
People get them redone all the time, so I assume it totally fades away the eyebrows.
I don't know, but no, I wouldn't be I wouldn't be getting that. I know you're looking for what is going to be the least maintenance thing for you to do that totally.
I saw it on somebody I follow Ality Do you follow Ality Pull? They've got a darling Shine is their podcast. And so she was with Chumpy puland do you know this story? Yes, and he drowned doing a spear fishing thing, and so they extracted his sperm because they were trying for a baby. When he'd passed away, they had hours to do it, and then she had a beautiful daughter Mini. Anyway, I follow them because it's so voyeuristic their life, like
her best friend's Chloe and Fisheries her husband. And I'm constantly like, oh my god, look at them. My friend Abby and I just send Bobby the daughter of Fisher to each other all the time, because you've never seen a more gorgeous baby. But Aladi got her lips tattoo and that made me go, oh, maybe I'll do that. But then I don't look anything like Alidie. She's like a model.
No. And I also think you probably don't need it, Like you don't need that. You probably just again need a really good lipstain. You also need something that's non drying, because the sensation would piss you off.
I always put blisticks on the top.
I'll come back to you. I'll come back to you with some recommendations.
Yeah, circle back to me with that. Yeah, all right, let's get out of here for today. Thank you so much for listening. We love that you do, and you guys have been a bit more active in getting in touch with us, which we love. Please, if you're thinking I should send them a message I know most of you won't because I know a lot of people don't, but when you do, we get giddy and we send it to each other and we just love it. So hit us up. Show and Tell Podcasts is our Instagram.
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We'll chat to you soon.
Bye for now, Love you
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