The Shithouse Bread Making a Comeback

It's podcast. It's podcast time, podcast time.

Huh. I never know where to go with it other than hello everybody.

See that's why I start with the song. It's so awkward to start.

See.

That's where it's just like a crutch. It's on safety zone.

Yeah, it's like, can what my coffee is for me to drink?

Yes, mal constantly is drinking during the podcast. You probably often hear a gulp of something at some point. It smells podcast. It is Mela Monty. Thanks for joining us. If you knew to the party, thank you. We're two girls. We speak endless ship, so you're in for a real, real high brow treat. Sure to show and tell, So Mel I wanted to. I am so sorry. It is so inconsiderate that I go into topics without your fact.

Do you know what we can do to override the awkwardness that I was just talking about. Maybe you do your song and then I just say the fact?

Yeah, can you go.

For you?

What if people are knew, they'd be like, this is a weird, weird podcast, how do you do it? Do we do like singing and then you go fact time or fact to kick off the pod?

I don't know I'll think of something.

Think of something. But I do think we need I love that we always workshop stuff on the actual podcast, but I think we do need to introduce ourselves because often your fact does lead into a conversation. And if somebody's knew, then they'll go, who are these girls? I don't know what's going on? Then I guess if they choose to listen to the podcast, they do have some idea. I don't know where what a surprise? We're overthinking it. True, you'll never know next time what you're going to get.

Well, how is this? It's such a stupid little thing. But did you know but if you lose your pinky finger, you lose fifty percent of your total hand strength. What isn't that? I think it's like when people say if you lose your big toe, you can't balance balance. I think it's the same sort of idea. And when you think about how much you do use your pinky when you're doing things like just to even crush your things or yeah, so you know when people are like, oh, well they just lost a finger.

It's always just every single part of our body has a really important purpose. And you know that when something's hurting something mine or you're like, I wouldn't think this would make such an impact on my life, but every single bit of us makes up the whole thing. Like it's got to chug perfectly, or the fucking wheels come off.

I never told you this. This happened the other day. It is the weirdest thing.

You know.

Sometimes you do something and you think, fuck, I never realized how harmful that could be. I was sitting on the couch and I was itchy on the corner of my eye, not the inner corner where the tear duct is, like the outer corner. And I scratched, but I must have got a little bit of my nail, like it was right right in the corner, a little bit of the nail in my eye. But it didn't hurt or anything. I scratched and then all of a sudden, I was like, I'm blinking, and I'm like, I feel like I've got

But the white bit.

I think there's like a clear covering over you know, film, like a film. That's exactly what it was. It looked like there was a loose bit of glad. Do you know how much I freaked out?

Of course I would have too.

I was like, oh my god, Oh my god. Mark wasn't home, Dom wasn't home. It was just me and Luca. And then I'm like, oh no, the worst person to freak out, So what's wrong? Nothing? Nothing, And then I'm getting annoyed it's nothing.

I said nothing.

Anyway. I was so freaked out, and I'm googling. I start thinking to myself, how much one little movement like it resolved itself. I put an eyepatch on.

Oh my god in these few days, very dramatic.

Well not really, because my fucking site is something I'm always scared I'm gonna I've always had a bad eyesight, so I thought, you know what, I'm just gonna cover it. And just because I thought, what if bacteria gets in there or whatever?

And so did it heal?

Yeah? It did. And everything I read was like, it's quite incredible, how shit like that can heal itself? Like you should go to the hospital, which I wasn't gonna do. But like how your body has this amazing ability to heal itself as well.

Oh totally, I love though how much you freaked out yet going and getting it properly checked was not the consideration for you.

This is my thing. I freak out about everything. I hate going to the doctor. Yeah, and I hate going Like the thought of going to the hospital to me is like, oh I've had a heart attack.

Yeah okay, yeah, yeah, it was stupid. See I would prefer to get things checked out and just sit in the pool of hectic anxiety and where a fucking eye haatch, that's what a normal person would do. Or I want to tell you this story that happened the other day. It's so mineup, but it's embarrassing. For no reason, it embarrassed me, so I was. I went to pilates and I went to the toilets in a separate area than

Oh my god. I hope she doesn't listen to the podcast, given that you have said before there was a time you had to wipe yourself with your hand in Polares's woman, it's.

The same woman because they had run out of toilet paper to use my hand.

Oh my god.

Yeah, I get that.

It's the same thing as like if you've walked into a public toilet and someone's shit in there, Oh, that's you, and.

Then you yes, yeah, and you want to justify it when I told me, yes, oh it stinks in there, wasn't me. I told Sam about the wet hand. He's like, did you say anything? He's like, text her now. I was like joking, but I'm like, what I wanted to say, Oh yeah, sorry, my hand's still wet from the toilet. But I'm like, that's just as bad. She knows I've used that hand to wipe my mook.

Ah, I know, but it is sort of it's gross. From her end. It would have been like I wonder if she would.

Yes, of course she would have to, and I felt her kind of exit the hand quite quickly, and I'm like, oh, that's so gross. It's so embarrassing for no reason. Like I just was like, I got over it quite quickly, but I did enough to tell you, to tell Sam, and I called another friend to tell her as well.

Do you know what I find really funny about this? Embarrassing for no reason? Sometimes they're just embarrassing for a reason. Is that reason enough? I think that's sort of like it's sort of embarrassing. It's like mid range, mid to low range embarrassment. Yeah.

I think everyone would feel it and go, oh, my hands work like you would not because just and even though clearly I'm forty three and I haven't pissed on my hand, you just automatically want to go it's water.

It's because it's one of those like being in the toilet is just yeah, it's all nasty.

I have my drink bottle with me for pilates too, and I've got one of those big yetty cups, my favorite purchase, which I've spoken about, and it's got the straw coming out the top, and every time I take it into the toilet, I'm like, I have to take it in with me, and I'm just like there's other people in there, Like I'm getting Wii and poo particles.

On my straw? Do you have to take it in with me?

Well? I can't just leave it out the front door. That's weird.

I don't know. I reckon, that's a better I don't know, illution.

Or the off the germs for the germs.

I know, you know it's something embarrassing for no reason. That happened to us the other day, Such a small thing. Luca had finished his footy game and we're getting the car and the car wooden stuff.

Oh yeah, it's embarrassing.

And then people come past and like obviously they're not going to talk to me, they're talking to Mark and they're like everything all right mate, and it's like that, yeah, no, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then it's like is this fine? Like and we're all just standing there, yeah.

Not knowing what to do. Isn't it funny that automatically it's to Mark because it's the car, like we go that sexist hands down, they would go to the guy over a car thing than a girl, and.

It's a you and he's driving yahi.

Fair enough, justified? So what happened did you jump a start at.

That's so retro No, well that's what the battery was dead. Ah yeah that we had to call someone to bring jumper leaves and fucking and even that's embarrassing.

Oh I know, because who I don't have police? Who's got them these days?

Do I? Mark's dad came. Yes.

I was going to say it would be an older person who's got them, for sure. God I remember that as a kid. And embarrassing. Also is them having to revert, like go around and bring their car total like face to face with yours.

It's like a tension seeking behavior. Everyone is an abnormal sight in the car park.

Yeah, totally. There's a bit of action going on. Also, it was Stacy's birthday the other week and I called up a florist to send her flowers for her birthday and she's like is there a card? Like do you have a message? She's embarrassing. Oh, so embarrassing. Anyway, I called her on a mobile. It was a mobile number. I said, oh, is this a mobile? Can I send you through the message? And she's like yeah, that's fine.

I would like to publicly put out a call out now if anyone that listens is a florist.

Great job. I would love to be a florist.

That was my sister's part time job. She worked in a florist through school, one of her part time jobs. Yeah, I would love that. I love flowers so much. They make me so happy. But you've got to get up and go to the markets really really early. Oh yeah, yeah, if you're the owner.

But she never do that.

But I want to know the weirdest thing someone's put in card. Imagine how much like there'd be beautiful things, they'd also be like weird stuff.

Definitely I reckon. And there'd be so many affairs like you'd be able to suss out and sending like and then it would be things like, you know, loved last night and you just know as a florest were you fucked last night? Like it's just the intimacy of writing those cards for people. Yes, funny, hey, yeah, I'd be sewing to that same.

Okay, So I was looking through Instagram the other day I found a post that is a gold mine for parents. Parents of young children, but this mum puts out like, give me your most unhinged parenting hacks. Oh great, these are fucking genius. Okay, So whenever it's bedtime and they're still stuck to Netflix, I changed the language to Greek or Polish and tell them they don't understand because they're too tired and it's bedtime. Some of this stuff's pretty

I've got to do that with my boys.

That's so good. Right. My mum told me and my brothers that if we hid from her in the clothing racks at a store, the employees would take us and turn us into a mannequins.

It's so good, okay, sorry, I snorted. No, occasionally snort. Somebody your message and you started snorting. I'm like, I've always snorted.

Hey, let them, Let let them say. Our parents told us that whining was illegal in Cape Cod where we vacationed in the early two thousands, and when when we use sirens, they'd say someone must be whining, and we believed them, Like they're just I'm like, how do I

So this is genius.

I know. This one is so good. When Mum folded laundry, she dumped all the socks on the floor and sat us down around them. Whoever got the most pears one?

Mmmm, that's good.

But what do you win?

That's not motivation enough for my kids.

Yeah, but maybe it's just you want to be the winner. Yeah.

I think I could do that with Arlo and Odie. I mean, Odie's little hands are not coordinated enough yet to fold socks.

Or maybe it's a stupid little thing, like you know, it's like past the parcel. It's always shit, but you just want to win it. You know.

I could do that with unpacking the dishwasher. Who unpacks the most dishes wins.

Yes, yes, and then there could be a fight. Hang on, you did five? No? I did? Did seven? And then it becomes conflicts plain you like, what fuck?

Unstimulated.

When my daughter was little, she wanted to say swear words. We told her swear words are for adults, but she could make up her own swear words for kids. She chose Stuart. So then we'll be driving and she'd say, this traffic is real, Stuart, that's so fun.

It's like my friend whose son thinks budge nugget they made up budge nugget is the worst swear word.

You can say. It's genius and that sounds like a swear word, doesn't Bunch nugget sounds like a swear.

Word, Stuart, that's cute.

My mum hid all my dolls and stuffed animals and said they ran away because my room was so dirty, And then she sent a postcard from another clean kids room that they were there and they were happy there so then I cleaned my room and they returned. How good is that? Right? And then, as always with these things, the real gold is in the comments. Yeah, my mum

Oh my god.

Yeah. I told my kids that their eyes changed color when they were lying to me. They either looked away or posed their eyes when they were being dishonest. Wow.

Wow, that's brilliant.

Isn't it. And this is also really beautiful. I think if my kids were grumpy getting ready for school, I'd say, all right, that's it, it's grumpy day, absolutely no laughing or smiling all day, and it'd take them about two seconds to start laughing. It worked pretty cute. It's very cute, I know. And then and then this is the last one,

Was oh, okay, why don't you take my ears?

Will always get because I wanted to keep my ear rings. I bet you got your youth use when you're about one. No, I was eight, okay, and I was like the kid that mum would take me like every month, and then I'd chicken out and by the ends.

So scary. I want one now, but I'm too scared. It was like, no, I've got heat on it before, but i haven't done it in so long, and I'm scared. I'm seriously scared. I want more, but I'm too scared.

Oh so weird. I mean, cushion melburn, we should go.

Yeah, definitely. I've pushed three babies out, I have an injection, I get blood tests all the time, but I'm too scared to get another ear ring.

I was going to say, it's so quick, but it's also afterwards leaping, like isn't worth all that effort? Yeah? You know, but so my ears used to get infected a lot. And my auntie had this little bottle of stuff that she would that was just like dead ol or whatever. But she used to tell me it was her magic potion that nobody else had, right, yeah, so she would put it on, and psychologically I was like, oh, no,

Now we're doing a lot of our segments today because I've got an overrated underrated Because if you're new to the pod, mal always like, oh this is a new segment. We end up doing it once. But the other day I got a for Carture and I was like, fuck, this is an overrated bread.

I agree. I thought you were gonna say, oh, it's so overrated.

Oh, I just like a for Cartury. They're dry again, another dry thing. And I'm like, there's there's a cafe that's opened up here that's all for cartures and everyone's going bonkers over it, and they're going to meet for lunch to have a for Carture. I'm like, I'm not eating for another for carture in my life. It's so overrated.

The carture was a very luck it was in that was huge, fucking funny word for Kochah. What is it?

Is that Italian?

Yeah it is? Yeah, I'm not I'm not a fan of that either. Don't like it. Do you know what I think the best rolls are? You know those Vietnamese rolls that they crunch about outside. Yeah, there's hardly any bread in Sault, hardly any bread bit too crunched. It goes everywhere. What's your perfect bread?

I reckon it would be like a bait, just a Baker's Delight roll, like a white roll from Baker's.

A white bat roll with a flour on the top.

I would go the flower yeah, and inside I would have salad and a nice bit of ham with some mayonnaise and a bit of Dejon mustard and that my mum used to make those, and they were they were just so epic. Or warm chicken yum, you lost me. Warm chicken roll is so amazing, and it's got to be white. I don't like a hard out to be honest. Nah, that rolls dumb that you like.

Oh well, I think those BAP rolls, even though I like them, you look like a fucking Koch when you finish, like white shit all over your nose.

So fun.

Oh my god. You know what I think is overrated. I think that share plates and communal eating at restaurants is overrated. Fucking you know same. I want my own meal, that's all mine. I don't care if you say, hey, can I have a try of your whatever? Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, you're automatically limited to what you're going to eat, because what happens is you don't want to take it.

You don't take too much. I know, I went out with girlfriends the other night and it's a share place. And you know, if you've never been to a restaurant before and don't know much about it, you know it's a share type situation. If the way he goes, if you guys been here before, and if somebody's like, yeah, he'll go, well, you know how it works in Oh, that is exactly because it's like, it's not straightforward here. You share, You get a couple of entrees, a couple

Yep. I don't like it, and I don't like at the end, you might still be hungry and there's only a few pieces of lamb left on the plane and you're like, no, no, no, honestly, you have it, and then it's this debate at the end yeah or even and everyone will leave a piece, so then you and I end up just grabbing it. And sometimes I end up eating too much because my own no one's going to.

Eat this I'll eat it, you know, because people be like, you can't leave the last piece of steak, Who's going to have it?

And I'm also I'm also really awkward to like, I will go in to get it, and then I'm hyper aware of like everyone watching, Everyone's watching, and I drop sheet all over the tablecloth and then it becomes the whole thing.

Okay, something else that's overrated to me. I've moved to Byron, which has the most glamorous beaches in the world.

To me, a beach is overrated. A beach is I am with you on all of these today.

Oh, I just the beach to me, Like the other night we went down. Sam takes Odie down to the beach a lot of afternoons. But my boys, like, even though we've moved here, they're cats. Alo's even said to my mum, I'm not a water boy, and I'm like, great, so everyone's serfs here except for my boys. And I'm like, I'm going to dunk in the water every day. I haven't even dunked in this year. It's criminal, Like it

Yeah, I'm like that with the b I don't find anything enticing about the beach. I think it's beautiful, but the sand also, that's not our domain. In that water maybe just up to your knees to me wherever, but I'm not going out and swimming in the ocean. I have my place, no freedom, my place. Animals in there.

Yeah, and I'm so scared of sharks. It's insane. Have you seen that on Instagram? On a side note, is turning into just like a porn harp, Like the stuff that is getting through on there at the moment is so intense, but they're all sexual stuff, sexual stuff. The other day a friend sent me like she sends me so much stuff, I'll fold them onto you. And I'm like, oh my god, this is just getting like people are finding sneaky ways are doing it. But also people are

That's got to be like one of the worst.

Oh, couldn't it be absolutely hideous?

The awareness of knowing what's happening.

Yeah, yes, because you would have you you wouldn't get killed straight away.

You would know.

It'd be terrifying. You would like as human nature going to some form like we had just built, you know how, You like, that's my worst nightmare, and then your worst nightmare happens and you deal somehow. I feel like something would come over us that was like you're going to die now, and you just would have some piece with it.

You'd have to God, I'd hope so. But that would be horrible, and I don't I don't think that's irrational either. The chance is a slim, but also it can happen. That's a real possibility.

Totally agree. All right, everyone, thank you so much for listening. If you've got any embarrassing for no reasons we love hearing them. If you've also got any overrated or underrated things in your life, hit us up Show and Tell Podcasts where you can find us on Instagram. We also have our Patreon where you can go over to patreon dot com forwards slash Show and Tell online and you get an extra little pod every couple of weeks over there,

But we'll chuck you soon by love you yeah and