The Shallowest Plate

Welcome do the Do the Nastrob Welcome to Man Monty.

That song was meant to be about.

But I don't know I met them, did you? Yeah, Hanson.

Were they lovely? They very whole?

So yeah, because they're quite religious, so.

Remember means nothing mate, No, you're right.

Remember though that it was like known that they weren't going to have sex before marriage and stuff like that. I think they're for a really Catholic family. There's a million other siblings there. No, I don't know, people who are massive hands and fans. Back in the day, we're like, there's only two other sisters and then I don't know what they are, but there's something anyway, they were lovely,

So they were men. They were men coming back of men.

But I tell you what, the middle one tailor was still hot totsy what really?

Yeah? Yeah, I mean, no judgment. Power to you if it's your belief. But I think that concept of not having sex before you marry someone is very risky business. Oh, I mean so risky. That's important.

It's like having a bucketload of people over for dinner and not taste testing what you've cooked before you serve it to them.

Yeah. No, it's like I was a better say. It's like having a baby and not knowing how to parent, which is what we all do. You go in there cold.

You don't actually know you do not, but you know what, Like, the first time is such a shock you cannot believe what's going on. And then the second time you have a baby, you get to a point where you're like, fuck, I remember this. Why the fuck? Like I didn't have any any drugs with my kids, and I got to a point where I'm like, why do you put yourself through this again? I was so angry with myself on the third one. I was really cross at myself.

That feeling of oh my god, oh my god. Yeah, but then how did you feel when you were done?

And then I could get up and go and have a shower straight away and stuff. And because Stace was in the room with Otis and she'd had c sections and so when she saw me get out of the bed and go and have a shower, she's like, actually I can't quite believe this. Yeah, but yeah, I mean it was good after it, But even after it, I was annoyed. I was like, you didn't have to do it like that, your hero, Like three times of doing

This is why I was thinking of it, because Seinfeld is like just always on in the background, is it. Oh, it's just I mean, look, not as much recently, but.

It's just you know, grown noise.

Right. Yeah, I did used to love it, but now I'm like, I think I've watched every episode a million times. I don't want to watch it anymore.

I cannot rewatch things. My sister watches Friends on repeat.

I don't even understand Friends anyway. The episode that was on the other night that made me think about this was Bizarro World, where it was like everything was the opposite, and I thought, maybe we could do a bit of a Bizarro world with some of our segments, like the anti bucket list, right.

Be positive, that's going to feel really weird.

Well, it's a bucket list bit of trivial things, Okay, stupid things so you know, people are like, I want to know hike Mount.

Ever, there's none of me that wants to any of that.

No, no care. So let me tell you my shallow things I want to do. I've only got two on the list.

Okay, we can add to it, and please, if you want to add to the shallow bucket list, hit us up any time. Show and tell online on Instagram is where you can find.

Should we call it the shallowest bucket.

The shallowest shallow bucket? Yeah? What's a shallow bucket like a plate? Yeah?

The plate list? Okay, so number one, and we have to accept each other's as being stupid. Yeah, because this is stupid. I want to learn the words to be able to sing this song.

Yeah, it's not in English, you know that, right?

Listen, Well, these are the challenges.

I was so vividly remember saying that film clip for the first time with my sister and we were like, what is I mean?

It was such a whole song, sar plan purmin.

Yep.

And the guy's name was Plastic Bertron who sang it. It is all in French. I did Year eight French and that was it. I don't know anything in French, that's number one. We we apart from that, Oh yeah, we had to choose names why, like we did French and German, and we had to choose names that we went by in class. So like I wasn't Melissa, I had to choose a French name.

That's weird.

Same with German. You're not a pick for German Wolfgang. What was your French name? I think it was Maurice or something.

Anyway, what are some French names?

I was just about to say my daughter's name. I don't know if it's actually French, but I guess names like Monique Ah, those sorts of names.

Selene Ah, Selene Dion's got a documentary coming out that looks epic. I'm not a fan of Selene, but my god, she can sing and she just seems like a legend and I cannot wait for the documentary.

Yeah, it does sound good. She's also a bit crackers.

Oh, totally crackers. So what she got stiff stiff man syndrome.

I don't even want to look into it because when I hear about those diseases it.

Makes me terrifying.

Stiff person syndrome, I think it's cool. Yeah, and you do like, I'm like, I don't want to know about it, but I have already researched it.

And it's horrible and you don't want a really rare disease, do you know what I mean? It's like, I haven't heard of this before. It's like fucking brilliant.

There are so many horrible ways to go, but keeping it light.

Bringing it back up, Sam's reading this book at the moment about keeping people healthier, and so he's always reading things about you know, he will sit down and read a Colleen Hoover book. It's always good to learn something. But he was saying how it's literally like ninety nine percent of people die of heart related disease, diabetes, or cancer, Like we don't. No one just closes their fucking eyes and dies.

It's the podium.

What's that mean?

Gold, silver, bronze, Oh.

One, two, three? Yeah, how are you're going to go? And I'm like, that's so hideous that our bodies just totally turn on us and that's how you die. I think of anyone that you know that's died.

Mark's grandmother she was ninety four and her body just shut down. Yeah, so she would be because she was old.

Percent yeah, I know.

I think it's just our lifestyles totally.

That's what this book's all about, is about lifestyles, and just yeah, anyway.

You're getting a bit of a you're getting a bit of a diet overhaul soon.

Yeah, I know that's what he's like. And juice is reading juice and salad dressing like fructose is the worst for you. And juice and salad dressing have the most frut toes.

I don't even want to think about that stuff anyway. So these are the things I want to be able to sing that song properly, okay, great?

Right?

Yes it is in French, which is a challenge. I don't speak French. It is so fast because I have tried singing along to the words, yes, I can't even get past the first line really fast. You have to try it. I'm throwing down a challenge to everybody. Also, those words in English translated are preposterous, like what, okay, this is the first first wham bam my cat splash is rolling around on my bed. He swallowed his tongue as he drank all my whiskey. As for me, I've

Okay, I love it.

It's not lifelong. It might be next year, but I want to be able.

You're never going to do it. To do it, like now, a lot of things people have on their bucket list or on their plate, which we're doing and now you're never, like never unless you actually get really hyper focused on it, and then you might.

Well, I mean I love nothing more than a challenge.

Yeah, great, there you go. I've just motivated you. All Right, what's my second thing?

The second thing is I actually do want to learn how to twork. Oh yes, Like I'm not going to go hit the clubs to towerk right because even if you could, who's doing that?

People? You know?

Like, we do have this funny throwback to when I sent you that video of myself trying to twork.

Oh my god, can you please put that online again?

Do you know how hard that is? Oh?

It's unbelievably hard.

It's isolating, like I'm thrusting. I try and do it. I thrust, isolating that lower part of your back and flicking just your bummer.

Couldn't do it? Lower backs had it?

I say, no, way after three pregnancies and I have to.

Modify things in pilarateis because me lower backs really not strong.

Do you know what it is? Though? Before I sent you that video, I actually went in confident because I thought I'd be able to do it because I'm quite hippy, like if I dance or whatever, it's all spoty half got you all bottom half. But that was confronting. So now I just want to be able to do it.

Please put it up online? Did you put it up online? You did?

You put it up on that line when I messaged it to you and then you put it up.

It was so great, great engagement, great engagement.

You know. I got COVID that day, My daughter had COVID, and I said, you know what, I want to send Monty this video. Just film it and then I ended up catching it. Fucking stupidity.

Oh I went in there just to get it filmed into a room. Right, think if let's think of more things to go on our plate. Yeah, I can't even think because I normally am thinking what I don't want to do, so to think what I do want to do. I definitely want to And I've said a million times bleach.

Waking No, it's got no, you have to do it. I know. Well, it can be something like that. It could be like I've always dreamt of cutting my hair, have you. I don't think over will don't do it, but just that concept of something. But it has to be pretty trivial. It can't be like a life No.

I don't have any life goals anyway to add to it. Okay, I'm going to think and I'm going to get back to you. Yes, this can be one of those segments that we never revisit. The plate, the plate, Please let us buck a plate? What's on your bucket? Plate? So good?

So here I am again with the judgmental opinion of it. I'm not judgmental, and I've got like a list of thirty here. But I'm only going to do too. Okay, Okay, I judge you if you refer to inanimate objects as he and she. Oh oh look I got this new mug. Isn't she gorgeous?

Okay?

Stop humanizing things not alive.

I hate really see if really bugs me. What about if there's like I don't know, like this is a bad example, but like a beautiful car that passed, I'd be like, oh, she's a beauty.

Never, I would never do it. But now I'm just saying that I did name my first car. Oh that's so you can't. I'm more humanizing them.

Yeah, that's true. I've never named a car. In fact, I don't like people that name their cars. Well, I mean that's silly, but it's kind of cute. Nah, that's not. Sorry, I'm going to scrap that.

Okay. I judge you. If we meet at the checkout, right, yes, I have four things, you've got a full trolley, and you don't say to me going, oh, you go first, fourth, I judge you for that.

What about if there's twelve things.

Even twelve things, if you have If I have a full trolley and there's someone there with the basket, I'll always say you go first.

It depends to me. It depends to me how big, how full the basket is. Oh absolutely if it was only four items. But if it was a basket that was chocolate block, like your arm's hurting from holding the basket. No way, hmm, okay, nah, I judge you. And this is going to be controversial. Yeah.

If it's my kid's birthday and we sing Happy Birthday and they blow out the candles and then I have to relight them again so we can sing Happy Birthday to your kid when it's not their birthday. Oh god, this is the original. And I'm not saying. I'm not saying I've never done this when my kids were really little. Although no, that's a lie. I have never done it because especially my daughter hate having happy birthday. Like her last birthday, she said, Mum, I really hate when everyone

It'd be very odd. Did she blow out the candles?

Maybe she did.

I would feel weird.

I actually felt like a fucking hero, Can I tell you you would. I just felt like I was a grown up in that moment, like, actually, I'm making at which I raally do. I'm making a decision. I think he's best.

Made an executive decision. And you delivered it to the audience.

Yeah, I did. But I feel like that is the first step in the not being able to say no to kids. It's not your birthday, and it's your birthday, you get to do it.

What about like, I don't think I've been as far as everyone singing happy birthday to the kid again, not on their birthday. But I have definitely really candles for kids, my kids when it's not their birthday, Like Ody's three a candle. He sees any candles that I blow out, I blow out, like I can't have a cake and not then relight it for him to blow out.

I don't know, you know, even just the concept of toddler's blowing out birthday candle exaulting.

The other days, laying on the couch and he got back from childcare and he kept putting his hands near my mouth and I was nearly gagging. I'm like, stop putting hands near my mouth, mate, like a toddler's heads. I'd prefer to eat off a toilet bowl.

How's a toilet training going, Oh.

It's a lot better. He still doesn't like to shit in the potty, though, so he has his shitting spot, which is just outside on my little like where outside my door leads to outside? I don't know, but a couple of times he needed to shit at night and it was fantastic. He was too scared to go outside, so he did it in his pody.

I cannot tell you.

How big these kids shits are.

Yeah, it's wild, unbelievable, isn't it.

It's the size of his arm, Like, they're huge. I just was so Now when he needs to poo during the day, he still won't go to the potty, but he's better. He has accidents pretty frequently. He's taken.

It does to train baby.

He's still little. God, he's the joy of my life, that kid. He's just and he's starting to talk more. He's delayed with his speech and now he's talking more. He doesn't shut up. It's hilarious. And he'll narrate what's happening on the TV and he just does not stop. Like I'll be in another room, I just hear this little voice chirping. But he's f and he's cute, and he just is like everyone in our family's favorite.

Isn't it just horrible thinking that they start off like that and then the world beats that out of him I.

Eventually and he's just so he loves me and the older two don't, but when they were younger they did. And I'm like, oh, he's going to get to a point where he doesn't want to hug me, where now he wants to get up my jumper all the time, like he'd climb back in my womb if he could.

I really miss that.

Oh it's so beautiful.

You know, you look back at the young I know it's different for you because you're in it now, but for myself, like I'll look back at those younger years when my kids were younger and think, oh, you know, back then I thought it was so hard, yes, but now I look back and I think, God, it was so much simpler.

It feels simple, and it is simpler, hands down. But you do forget when you're in it. The days are really long. The years are short, but the days are really really long.

I know.

And it's tedious and it's hard and like trying to negotiate with it toddler, but there it's not emotion. It's not there's no emotional turmoil, do you know what I mean?

And makes love you. I just love me so much.

And then if I yell at him, I'm the one that he wants to come to to mom pick up. And I'm like, I just like abused you. Like if I yell at him, like do I do that and it upsets him, then he'll want me to comfort him. I'm like, oh my god, I know so funny. Anyway, we're in judgmental opinions, and I feel like I was probably judged. The other day I had to get I went on a plane and I hadn't eaten, so I

Is it?

Oh? Because it's smellie, it's smelly and people can't stand the texture of it. Like a lot of people are a friend by bananas. And I'm like people sitting around me being like, I cannot believe she's eating a banana on the plane.

I don't think a thing about the eating of the banana. I think if you'd ripped out a tin of tuna. Ye, my story, But this is the thing I've held onto from what you've said, I know you put it in the what the bit weather safety?

Yeah?

Why did?

I just had an I put it and there and it was like flapping over.

You left it in there, tooting down.

No, when the flight attendant walked past with the bins, I put it in there, but I didn't. I just was like, what am I going to do with this? We're taking off. I got it. I'm not just going to hold it for half an hour until they come around with the bin, so I'll put it there. Also, this morning, I went for a shop and I left my trolley rogue. And every time I do that, I

This pairs beautifully with a quote I read that I've been wanting to read to you for a while about the shopping trolley. Now it's not just about the shopping trolley, okay, And don't feel personally attacked. I just thought it was interesting.

Don't feel personally attacked. You've found a quote or a meme, and you're like, I've got to save this to tewanti, this is wanting.

No no, no, no no. I'm not saying this is you, but the concept behind it right of just okay. The shopping cart is the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self governing. To return the shopping cart is an easy, convenient task, and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. To return the shopping cart is objectively right. There are no situations other than dire emergencies, in which a person is not able to return their cart. Simultaneously, it is not

Yeah, I mean the last one. I don't think I'm a bad member of society. But if there is a shortcut in life anywhere, I'll take it, Yes, and I think most of us will. But it's terrible because if it's inconvenience anyone else, I don't really care that much. So the thing is like sam My party is so just you know, like say I'm going to run into the chemist. He'll drive around the block where an absolute do good is a good where I would double park. I wouldn't the traffic back up. That would make me

Hands down, Yeah, I wouldn't. But if you were the person who was driving past a person that a double park.

I wouldn't care. You'd be like what the fuck' say No, I wouldn't. I would say that, And also like I'm just no. Also, when you go somewhere and people will just choose to not even go past the front of the place to see if there's parks, I'm like, that's ridiculous. Like when somebody will go and park blocks away because they know there's parks there, and so you'll walk to the destination where I'm like, go for princess, mate, you go for princess because not many people do in life.

Yeah, go and have a look.

Yes, have a look. I just can't get when people don't, like Sam would never just go for princess. I'm like, close your numb nut.

Oh. He wants to get his cardio in to keep his heart healthy.

He sprained his ankle really badly. We went away for the night and he went for a run and he but he couldn't run because the hill was so steep or rocky. So he walked down it gets to the bottom of the hill and just rolled it and he heard a pop. No, and he came back. It's black and so bruised and he can't walk. You can't do anything, and I cannot deal.

I'm like, you, I have trouble when they're not feeling well. Mate.

I thought about you because I'm like, your husband had cancer, how did you stay for it? Compassionate?

Nah, there were times where I was annoyed. Yes, I said before, it's a horrible thing to say, but I get annoyed with his hearing.

Oh, yes, his hearing now, Yes it's yeah, yeah, and that's hot.

That's horrible. But I mean it's like when your kids sick. You don't want him to be sick. You do anything to take it away from them. But fuck, they can be annoying. Yes, yes, dealing with someone that's got anxiety is fucking annoying. Yes, because you're like, I'm sorry, I feel sorry for you, but fucking shut up.

I'm sick of it totally. Sam's like, I don't want I don't really know what to say. Yeah, nah, because it's so often, or I've got on migran. He's like, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say here, just because it's so frequent. I think he probably just would be like water off a duck's back hearing us complaints.

She goes again.

She goes again, but I just will try not draw my eyes. All right, We're out of here, everyone, Thank you, we love you listening to us. If You can give us a rating, give us a comment wherever you listen to the podcast, Share us with your friend. We would love that. To our patrons, thank you for your memberships. You can head over to patreon dot com forwards. Like Shantelle online, they's not about five bucks a month. Just help us with the running of the pod and we

It wasn't concentrating.