Hi, it's podcast time for Show and Tell. It's Mala Monty. Welcome.
Hello everyone, How are you.
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Answering for everyone, it is Mela Monte. Thanks for listening. I hope you're great. Hey, I want to play. I want to start off with something. Now we've nearly forgotten your facts. You've got to start with the fact every time. And I realized last episode we didn't. I know.
Well, this is a real quickie. Beetlejuice the movie. Yeah, one of my old time favorite. It's a great movie. Do you know despite playing the title role of Beetlejuice himself, Michael Keaton only had seventeen minutes of screen time in that whole movie.
Really hazy, that is so amazing. I re ah, yeah, random, I reckon. I've only seen Beetlejuice maybe once. I don't even know if I've seen it all the way through.
That is a sit down and watch with the kids. Speaking of that, I have been begging my daughter for years to sit down and watch Empire Records with me.
Oh my god, my favorite movie or when I was growing up, my favorite movie Orange. I got Orange. I love it so much.
Well, I kept assuring her it hasn't dated, it'll be so good. It has dated all the day. I mean, it's still great, but there's bits where I'm like, oh, I remember that dialogue being so much better, and watching it now I'm like, h is it a bit cringey?
Oh my god, it's so. It's why you're almost better off not going back and rewatching them Rex Morris Day and I still remember livet oh Rex Manning. I still remember Liv Tyler's undies, like the daggy undies she had when you got her down, so staggy daggy. I remember thinking she's better undies, but that showed her character. She was just a bit of a talk true.
True.
So that's so cute. Well, okay, interesting beetlejuice fact. There you go. Yeah, absolutely, no way to seguay to the next thing, which is about friendship. I wanted to. This came up in my Instagram feed the other day and I was like, oh, that's really interesting because it's so true. So Amy Poehler was sitting down and doing a podcast with Katherine Hahn. So Catherine is a comedian. She was in parks and recreation a bucket load of other stuff
as well. But they were talking about friendships and the importance of female friendships, so I wanted to play you this.
Out of female friendships importantly you what do they do for you?
I think that the real female friends that I have, the deep ones, are fewer than I thought I would have, like the ones that are really you know, have your back through anything, And there's a difference like these. It's so important to have women in your life that aren't family, to grow old with in a way that it's, like you said, feels very honest and also hilarious, but also doesn't feel like we have to keep up anything together,
like keep up any sort of like front. It just feels like and also very affirming, like to walk into these next chapters together.
It just feels like it's not as terrifying. Yeah, I loved that. I also thought of you during it, because I know your sister's your main person. So when she said you need people outside of your family, are you like, don't know about that?
I feel like my sister is absolutely my very best friend out of everybody in the world.
So beautiful. Yeah.
I think the thing is I've always got like seven things I'm thinking and I don't know which point to get to first. I feel like I think beautiful friendships will always like you have each other's back, you want the best for each other. But I trust her in a way that I could never trust a friend. I have a feeling like she always always wants the best for me. She will give me hard advice even if it's going to hurt my feelings, and I know that there's no other factor there. It's all love, right.
Yeah.
I do remember saying that to Stace once, and she said to me, because I was saying how I feel guilty that I haven't given my daughter that experience because it's been so important to me. But she said to me, but that's like Katie and Monty and I are like that, That's what it's like. It's just you don't know the difference. Yes, you know what I mean, like the sister, you're seeing it through that lens. But when you don't have a sister, yes, or you're not super close to your sister or whatever,
you find that in friendship. Yeah, right, And I thought that's probably so true, Like I've never let myself completely be open to that, yes.
Just because you've always had your sister there. So Stacy and I, well, I did have sisters, though Stacey didn't have sisters, she only had brothers. But my older sister and I were never close, and our relationship has formed because of the bond over our boys. But Stacy was always and is always my Like, I know, there's nothing in the world I couldn't do that I could do
where she would turn her back on me. Like I feel like even if I fucked her husband, she'd go, well, that was a shit thing to do, and she'd still be there, Like I feel how you think about your sister, about her hands down, and the same the hard advice, the tough advice, so like you're being a dickhead, pull your head in, or like there's never an ounce of jealousy between us. It's pure celebration for each other.
Yes, Also, like you and Stacy are very different, very different, which makes it even the connection even better because there is no not that there would be Like if she wanted to get into radio or whatever, I don't think there'd be competition, but it would be maybe a little bit more complicated.
Yeah, you're probably right. Yeah, we've always had different Yeah, I guess interests and stuff. I mean, we created a business together, but we had extremely separate roles, but we never shit each other either. When she's quite amazing, it's like I can't remember the last time where I'm like, you're fucking annoying, Like it's quite It is a really rare relationship, I think.
And I think maybe one of those things is because it was formed in childhood. Yeah, so if you know all that shit about each other, you know how to operate with each other. She knows when to pull back and give you space. You know when to do the same for her. It's like, yeah, totally like sisters, really.
Totally, And that's what we've always said. It's like we are like, you know, I've always been her sister that she's never had, and she's always been like a sister to me. I think a lot of people do have beautiful friendships like that. I also feel like there's a lot of females that don't. And I always feel sad for people who don't have that close friend or they'll be like, oh, this is you know, especially when we were a bit younger, this is my best friend, and
then you realize they met six months ago. You know, it's like just to have those really deep, long friendships and I don't have friendships from like primary school. Like I'm still friendly with some like if I saw them, it would be lovely, but I don't keep in touch. I know my oldest friend, we were friends from our parents when we were like six years old. I'm still
really good friends with her. But yeah, Stace and I were sixteen when we became buddies, and it was like that crucial age where we were navigating you know, boys and having sex for the first time and you know, all of that kind of stuff. And Stace was always my moral compass, Like I feel like compass. I feel like without her, I don't know where I would have gone, to be honest, And.
I feel the same way about my sister. But the beauty with Stace as well day appreciation. But she does have a very strong moral compass, but it doesn't feel like it's in a judgy way. And she will give you her opinion and tell you what she think thinks is best, but she'll support you if you go the other way as well totally.
But usually you'll find her opinion is right too. That's what I've always know. Oh, what you think can say is usually right. She's very wise. Yes, so it was always like she was the mature one, and I would try and corrupt her a bit, but I was like, never has she had a cigarette or anything like that. I'll never do that. And even you know when kids are smoking and stuff, you experiment, no chance, just like no,
so unapologetically her. So I think that I got confidence from her as well, which I think is important in female friendships as well. But I also agree with as you get older, you have less friendships that are that close as well.
So many less because well like there's less time. If you get into a relationship or have kids or whatever, your time is limited. So but to there's I think there's something in like I prefer it being less now, Like I can count on one hand the friends I have that I would call in a time of need, and that I could say the worst things about myself too, and I can be completely vulnerable with I would say
you are one of them. We have had hard conversations before, and we are similar in many ways, but we're very different in other ways. But there's I think the freedom in good friendships comes when you feel like you can say something to another person and they're not going to judge you for it or they're going to understand, like
you can be vulnerable. So I can say to you, I feel I don't know, like I feel intimidated by this or I feel whatever, yes, and I feel like, well, there'll be understanding there, and you're not going to use it again. She won't use it against.
Me, no, or not even that almost not having to explain yourself so much Like I had beautiful friendships, but if I was to call up and be like, I'm so fucked at the moment, blah blah blah, it would be a concern of a different level because they don't know the intricacies and yeah, the little bit's not Like if I called Stacy, she would know I'm okay, I'm just having a rough day, and she won't be overly dramatic about it, or I won't have to explain every detail.
So then I know that doesn't make a huge amount of sense. But I'm just thinking, because I share so much with her, there's an ease she can ran she can read me, where a lot of my other friends I would have to explain it all and go, don't worry, I'm okay, but I'm really having a really fucking bad time. And then I would feel like they would maybe go to another friend and go, oh my god, is Monte okay if you heard what's going on where Stacy wouldn't
need to do that. She could just handle it all herself because she knows the ins and outs of everything.
Yeah, she's very is the word pragmatic? I think that's one of you. She's like she can just this is the situation and she just deals with what is in front of her. It's I think you.
Need one of those in a friendship. Otherwise it's drama. Like Sam's very much like that. Like you know, when you and I were having our little heated thing the other week, I was talking to Sam about it and he was basically like, pull your head in, you know, like could make me see your side better than I could see it in my state.
Yes, And so that's what you need.
Somebody is pulling you down, going no, it's very reasonable what they're saying, or just yeah, somebody bringing you back down and stripping through the emotion.
So you can just see the facts. That's what you need in a good friend. And that's also someone who really loves you. Yeah, who can do that, Because like we talked about, we always talk about celebrities, right, and how they're surrounded by yes people, that's what they're missing. They don't have that.
Person no, because all of their friends are on the books. It's really sad. You think, oh, look at the life that they live, but they really can't know who their good mates are unless they were good friends before they became famous. Like you get why they're closed off and just unsure because it's like, how would you know, especially if you're getting paid and none of them are going to go, well, I'm going to risk my pay job to tell you you're being a fucking idiot, Like none of them do that.
It's only happened one other time, I think. But we had words with each other recently, right, which to me is like important. I think it's important to do that every now and then.
Well we've also worked together for over ten years.
Yeah, yeah, Like there's going to be stuff, of course, But you know, I've realized I don't know if this will make sense to anybody else. This stage of my life. I feel very out of control right in so many ways, like the way I'm thinking, like I just feel out of control with everything. So I'm finding that I'm becoming controlling or overly. I hate when people say, oh, you're so OCD, because I don't mean it in a trivial way.
But like even when I'm working, like I have another job other than this, and I find myself like going over and over and trying to perfect things that I know rationally no one else can see. But I'm becoming like I don't even know what the word is other than to say compulsive about it and controlling because I feel like I have no control in these other spaces. That that's what I'm holding on too, to the detriment of everyone else, but also.
To yourself as well. It's like exhausting, but I feel that too. It is, and again we do go on about it a bit, but that's definitely your hormones knowing fucking nuts too. But I also think we get as we get old and more set now, like that would have been bubbling when you were younger, and it just gets more and more set as we get older, you know what I mean.
But it's also.
Really frustrating when you're aware of stuff like that, Like if you weren't aware, it would just be a life. I hate that I'm uber aware of my mental health and meet too, and stuff like that. Like recently, I can hear myself being such a downer that even around Sam now there's a form of acting going on because I'm like, I can't keep doing this. This is not fair on him, This is not fair on the people around me for me to be to be glass half
empty the same. I feel out of control almost like of my mood of like where I'm at in my life, like my kids, Like I know a lot of it is the stage that we're at, like we are midlife now, so it's like a form of a crisis that has to be And every woman I speak to who is my a is hands down going through the same thing.
Well, I'll admit something too, that's terrible. I hate myself for saying it because there's nobody I love more in my life than my family, right, Yeah, you know, I just always want to be on my own. Yes, that's how I feel, just because I'm aware of I'm a
punish all the time. And also I'm like some days I'll be like I feel okay today, but I feel okay because I've been alone, yes, and then as soon as something happens, I'm like, fuck, and I tried like, don't overreact, don't overreact, but I just can't help it.
Whatever it goes. I can hear myself a fucking screaming again. During the scream, you can hear yourself stop stop, can't stop. Yeah, it's awful. It is awful feeling out of control. And I also feel like when I am in an out of control way, my old eating habits rear their head as well. Yeah, that's what really bothers me where I'm like, it's such a control thing, having eating issues, and I'm like, fuck, I'm forty three and these are cropping up again. So
I'm getting straight onto it. Like I've got a dietitian who works with this stuff. But I'm like, it's one of those things in my life that when it's not good, I try and control, which was all what I used to do years ago. I'm like, no, not this, don't start this now. Like I know, I'm on.
I do feel every I feel like that's something that whether people again are vulnerable enough to say it or not, I do feel like and I think it's men and women, because I'm sure men go through their own It might not be the hormonal ups and downs, but they go through their own form of a mid life crisis or whatever. I think that is just a coping mechanism, the controlling around,
and we've all got our thing. And maybe when it's that you're a workaholic, that seems more socially acceptable, yes, and controlling eating that people look at it and go, oh, that's oh no, that's not good that she's doing that. But also when you're running yourself into the ground because you're hiding it behind work, yeah that's fucking just as bad and just as toxic as well.
Yeah it's wild, isn't it fucking wild? Our brains? Like, I just feel like everyone's works like this, but I don't think they do mal like. I bet the majority of people listening you're like, you guys are fucking insane.
I don't reckon, I reckon, it's just some people. Maybe some people don't talk about it, or some people don't zero in on it the way we might like. The awareness of hang on, this is why I'm doing that, which is I also think is quite an emotionally mature thing to do, like immature mature. I think it's insightful that you can recognize it. I think the real problem I think so, yeah, is when people can't recognize it. I think that's when you've got a problem. At least we know it.
But I think being more oblivious sometimes would be beautiful.
Yeah, I know, like it just it's.
Beautiful for you. It's beautiful for you to live in you well, and you're not so nice for everyone else though, is it? But anyway, yeah, so we are still very much in the thick of clearly perimenopause and getting our moods and emotions and everything under control. But it could be like a ten year thing.
That's terrifying and also just the thought of how much can you no matter how much hormones and stuff you have. I feel like this is it's it's a time where it can't really be that controlled because it is so up and down. Yeah, so it's like, okay, well maybe today my progesterone is really low, but tomorrow it might be back up. So maybe tomorrow when I take my progesterone, oh no, it's going to be too much and then I'm going to feel weird from that.
Yes, totally. But how beautiful is it when you feel great? Like oh good, let's just go good. There's no like real great feelings at the moment. But when I feel good and the sun's out, it's like euphoria. I'm like, oh my god, I'm not exhausted. I think today especially, I was up for an hour and a half at two o'clock with Odie, so I'm so cooked. And when I'm so exhausted, my glass is definitely more half empty. But when I wake up and I'm like, oh my god, I feel good, I can get up, I can go
to pilates, I'm still journaling like a demon. Loving the journaling.
I think I've got to try it.
Mate, You've got to and it's a hard habit to get into, but once you get into it, it is so great. So every I shouldn't say every day, not every day, but it's I do a three page journal where it's just streams of consciousness. So I've told you this, and I'm nearly at the end of this journal, and I thought of you. I'm like, what am I going to do with this journal when it's done, I'm just gonna have to put it straight in the bin.
I this is really telling of what a shit person I am.
Oh shut up, no, no, no.
If I knew was doing.
That, which he would never you couldn't, Now you could, I think I could. Sam has one by his bed too, I will, and that's where mine is too.
But that is a level of trust that is extraordinary because I know who I am. I would find it unbelievably hard not to look in.
That where I'm the opposite. If he said read some I would be like, absolutely not, because when you do this, it is literally streams of consciousness and do I live with the most So it's like, I know I would be in there because it's very challenging for him to have a chronically ill partner. Of course, like yeah, sometimes don't realize how much affects his life because I'm in my head of me surviving where I'm like, well, he is to an extent too, but he's got literally no
control over the situation. Not that I do, but it's not him, so he resents the situation so much. So I'm like, the whole thing would be about that, Like it would be so much about me. How he probably mentioned me three times, and I'm thinking the whole books about me, But I.
Completely get, like you being able to not look at that is amazing, Like I'm just like, oh, I'd read it, he'd bring up what's wrong nothing.
Yes, because you couldn't tell. You couldn't say to.
Him, no, you couldn't. It's like that I told you the other day. I've been watching this show Couples Therapy. Yes, fuck, it's so good, right, But I do watch it and I think I believe that therapy is good for everybody. But I do think allowing yourself to be so honest like some of those people, some of the people the honesty, I'm like, I don't know if being that honest all the time is a good thing. Yeah, Like one of the women was saying, she's just not sexually attracted to
her husband anymore because he's put on weight. How do you say that to him?
Yes, some things are inside thoughts like that.
I just and I'm like, how do you then have that session and you've said these things to each other and then leave and carry on as normal. I don't know if I could do.
That, But then I also admire that because I'm like, well, that's how you move through things. Of course, you know, and of course it would be super hurtful, But it's also like, well, if our marriage is feeling over, what is then when you've got kind of nothing to lose. Maybe that's when you say it. Yeah, did he end up saying I'm going to lose weight? Like what did he say? No?
He just looked fucking defeated. The poor bust. She just looked ashamed. And I think he'd had weight issues in the past. And I was just like something like that. I don't know if you need to be honest about I know that seems cruel to me. Yeah, or say that to your friend. Say it to your friend and then maybe say to him, hey, you.
Go for a walk, Like I don't know. Shit, wait's a very hard thing to to bring up to, especially roles reverse Like imagine Mark was like, you're you're putting what you're putting on a bit?
Yeah, Like and and this is the thing he would.
Never because he's not known.
He's but even forget the like being nice part of it, he's just not that person. Like he just doesn't understand, like the vanity, he has no vanity or anything, right, Yeah, but he doesn't see it. He's like, I walk around the house ninety percent of the time looking like a fucking pig, and he's like, but you don't look any different to me. Yeah, when you, I said, and then I get angry because I'm like, that's a lie. Yes, yeah,
but it's not light. And I'm like, well, maybe he just doesn't, like you know, you love someone you see beyond that, Yes, you know, but you can.
But I guess like Sam never looks that different to me, but they don't have as much to work with as.
Us as a thing like a woman can. Like when we record, I would never get on without makeup or anything because it's like it makes me feel better about myself.
Yes, but.
I do look different obviously, just take my main Yeah, the maskaa is the.
BIG's the main thing, but I don't reckon. Sam would notice half the time either, But then I say that, but then sometimes when I dress like an absolute like just clearly just racked on whatever, there will be like, oh, you put on your good clothes for me, So it's like sometimes he does notice, Yeah, of course, but it's just that, and then it's and then that rolls into oh is it just that they don't even see me anymore?
Not even they're just not looking at me. So guess you know, always glass half himed? Isn't it all right?
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