La la la la la. Hi Yah.
Hello, how lucky he is feeling today?
Lucky? You're feeling like a lucky Are you going to go out and get yourself a tat's ticket? Yeah, ticket to Dream. It's Mel and Monty. Thanks for listening, and if you're new to the pod, thanks for joining us. We always love when new people listen, and also, of course our old trusty reliables. How funny is this? The other day I was messaging a friend and of course we were having a little bit about somebody, and she wrote back, He's a weasel, And I'm like, what a
great word. I'm like, weasel, I haven't heard that in so long, And how offensive to be called a weasel?
Yeah, A conniving but spineless that's what I think.
Yes, yes, a weasel, I'm just like that to me is one of the worst things it can be called. What a weasel? Really untrustworthy?
A weasel is an animal.
It's like a little like a loafer. No I would have thought I thought a weasel was. Oh no, I gotta think. Yes, the things that go into your into your food and they become such a fucking punish a weavil, a weavil calling someone a weavil is also a good insult because they're so annoying. What's a weasel?
A weasel sort of looks a little bit like a meer cat ah sort of thing. Oh and it looks it looks exactly as you would imagine a person who is a weasel would.
Just like like a little just I just love that anyway, I thought, bring back the weasel, because yesel, that's a good it's a good insult. But so I spoke about it the other day with the leaning book. No sorry, let them book. I always let them too confused, So let them what's the author's name again, Mel Robins? Mel Robins, And she's got this podcast, this book that's just taken the world by storm, which essentially is like letting people do what they want. You can't control them, so just
let them be. You know, if somebody doesn't want to invite you somewhere, let them, which is very hard to just do. But then the second part of it is let me, And it's like, well, what can I control? Maybe you haven't reached out to that friend in a while, maybe you haven't been making the effort. Maybe you know, there could be a million different reasons what is it that you can control? Let them do what they're going
to do, and you do what you've got to do. Anyway, I love it in principle and I'm trying to do it a lot. The other day, somebody cut me off and I was just like, let them, let them, let them, but I wanted to fucking kill him. Yeah, it was so hard. And my friends sitting next to me as well, we're both going to let them, let them, let them, But I'm like, how I really want to. I'm really frustrated right now, even with a guy cutting me off, I couldn't let them.
I think it's just catching yourself. Just even being aware of it means something. But it also I don't think it means not being able to get upset or totally about.
Things, still having your feelings for surely.
Can they all just seem like different iterations of the same concept, like put your fucks where you really want them to go, total, don't put them into the shit that doesn't matter, which is shit like other people's opinions and whatever.
Stuff like that, which is but it is so much easier said than done, because we do care about people's opinions, but it is there a lot of time is wasted and a lot of energy, and it is again going you can't change people. And I realize how much I try to control my kids and certain situations. You know. It's like because I think with my health, I feel so wildly out of control of that that I try and control other things and other people and anyway, So
I'm finding this book actually really helpful. So I listened to the audio book, which I just found a bit easier than reading it. I've absorbed it more than I thought I. But they've got a whole chapter on friendship, Like one of the whole things is friendship. Have you heard of Did you have you read it?
No?
Okay, So I found this really interesting. That apparently to have a casual friendship, so somebody that becomes a bit more than an acquaintance, and somebody you enjoy their time and you, you know, you want to do things with it takes seventy hours until you can until you become a casual friend, seventy hours of spending together. And this is like backed up by data. And then to become good friends with somebody it takes two hundred hours, I know, isn't that wild?
And even then they can double cross you.
You have totally assholes. But she's like, that's why school. It's just kids clock up so many hours with each other that they become you know, within two weeks you've got the two hundred hours essentially, or within three weeks you've got the two hundred hours. So kids form friendships a lot easier, same as when you're high school and
possibly UNI. And she's like, and then you get to your early twenties and the whole social scene changes, and she said, you can often find yourself lonely because you don't have your whole situation changes. You're not doing the exact same things as people are doing at the exact same time. You don't have the exact same holiday time. And I was like, you're so right.
Yeah, and the loneliness. There are times where I would say I feel lonely in that way because it's almost like I don't have time. Yes, I don't have time. And then I feel guilty because I know I'm being a shit friend. Yes, because I'm not making the effort that I know I should and I know I need it. Yes, The awareness of yeah, I know I know I need it. It's hard to manage your time. And everyone talks about balance, but sometimes there is no balance. There can be periods of just no balance.
Totally, and it is can be hard to have all of them spinning at once, you know, like your career. You're like speaking to a friend the other day and she had a SYC session and she said, they literally set up chairs in the room around and one of them was family, you know, kids, one of them was motherhood, one of them was health and fitness, the other one was career and purpose. And she said, all of them, she said, it's very hard to have them all balanced at the same time. But they can, to an extent
be balanced. It's when one of them's really out that it can cause quite a lot of unhappiness in your life. And she said to her, like she's had very successful businesses but sold them. She said, her purpose the purpose chair was nearly empty for her. So every other area was great, but the purpose chair was so empty that
she's finding herself bored. And I was like, yes, I totally get that, because you get so much purpose from your work that if that's not there, it's a very odd feeling as an adult to not have much purpose and your kids can't give you all your purpose, that's all shit.
They can't give you all your purpose. But then it's also hard, you know, people like you know, the key to happiness or whatever is identifying your purpose. I feel pretty okay with the fact that I never will. I don't think anything.
Your purpose has to be something like astronomical. The fact that you get up every day and you do work and you have some you have stuff that you've got to do and keep your mind busy. That's purpose. If you didn't have that, you would feel really purposeless.
But on the flip side, there's purpose, and then there's also necessity. Yeah, so maybe your purpose might be, oh, I can pick and choose how much work I do. But when it becomes oh no, hang on, but we've got to pay these bills. I have to do this amount of work to make the money to do that, it becomes a drain too. It becomes a drain. And also like and then you're you can also get into
a trap of the other things are sliding. Yes, what you'd probably say, the more important things, Yeah, yeah, because you don't get the time. It's everything comes down to time. And it's like with your kids, you don't get the time back.
No, you don't, I know, and also saying that that you don't have purposes if you don't work, like a lot of people don't work and still would have huge purpose. I think that is me. That's me projecting and the fact that I if I don't have work going on, I do feel quite purposeless, Like I don't get enough purpose from doing, you know, running the family life. I don't get enough purpose from that. I also find it really hard when you don't have set work to do
it self. Motivated routine is extremely challenging, and I think a lot of people thrive off having a bit of a routine. I know I do, that's for sure.
Yeah, definitely. And it's also I think what you see as success. So maybe for you you've always seen success is around career, someone who is happy. I'm just going to use the term housewife. I don't know if that's outdated, yeah, outdated, But someone who stays at home and is a caretaker for the family and that's what they do, then they get that's the most important thing to them, that's where they get their value. So I think it's trying to match those things up totally.
And it is of course it's so individual, but it is. I think like even quite a few of my friends who have raped and are still raising the children and not working do say that they do feel quite purposeless, especially when the kids start to go are in school, and all of a sudden you're like, oh my god, what's my purpose now? You know, I think I feel a bit like that because you know, two years ago my contract stopped, and you know, my kids are getting older.
It's a very weird stage to be and I feel like the early forties is an extremely weird stage for women because your kids are getting older, you're too old to kind of start your career again. It feels like which I know you're not, but it does feel like that. And then you're too young to not be working, and yeah, your kids are at this older getting at this older stage where they don't need you as much. It's a very weird time.
It is a very it is a very very weird time. And you know, they call it the sandwich generation because often is it, Well, a lot of people are sandwiched in that thing of maybe they have aging parents and plus they're also.
Raising your children.
Yes, of course, you know, I guess the midlife crisis thing too, is a crisis of your identity. What am I a mom? Yes, you know, a podcast whatever. You sort of lose who you are totally, you do because maybe all your eggs have been in one basket for a long time.
Yes, you know. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it. Anyway, it's interesting. But I did find that friendship thing really fascinating, and there was there's also was she was saying that there's kind of three pillars to a good friendship, and one of them is proximity. And I was like, that's so true, Like you've got your old friendships that have absolutely are
so beautiful and you need to nurture. But she said, if you have, like somebody who lives close by to you, by simply by them being close to you, often you will form a closer friendship with them because you do get those hours up. It's also timing. It's easier timing in your life, like you will form a closer friendship if you're in the same stage of life, so you're kind of doing the same things, your kids are the
similar age. And then effort is the last thing, of course, where it's like the amount of effort that you put in to a relationship of friendship.
Imagine imagine being friends with someone in their twenties, Like, how jealous you'd be, Totally. I'm just going out tonight. Want to come?
Yeah?
Oh yeah, no, sorry I can't. I don't meet up at eight am totally.
So just restricts it, just kind of your friendship can get to a certain level. But Sam Well I said to Sam, and he's like, I just like he's got some great to a single that he goes to music festivals with and stuff like that. I'm like, yeah, see, and they're younger than him. I'm like yeah, So, I mean it's not a hard and fast rule, but it does make sense to me when it's like the people who are in front of you the most, the people who are similar age and similar place in your life.
And then I get, yeah, the amount of effort you put in to see them, they're all in.
They're all in different categories. You've got your good time friends. Yeah, You've got your friends that you know that you pick up the phone and they're there in a second totally, whether that's they're available to you or they're actually therefore you. You've got your friends. You talk shit like it's all just different levels.
Yes, you know what I mean, totally yeah, anyway, fascinating. All right, y'all that's us for our today's lucky dip, A bit of a different one. Sometimes we just never know where they're going to go, do they. It's so funny. I'm like, yeah, I got these things about friendship, and then all of a sudden we're talking about career and purpose. That's lucky hippop. Yeah, exactly, that's what you never know what you're going to get. All right, Thank you for listening.
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