Joe Sua right a da Hello to you guys.
Hi everybody, is that called scatting? It's like shit yodling, Yeah, totally yodling. Maybe yodling was a thing. It had a real moment.
It had a real moment yodling, for sure it did.
There was that little girl on remember that show New Faces with Boyes.
Yeah, hold on, New Faces with Burton you Now, I was thinking Red Faces on No hey Saturday, No, No, what was New Faces?
It was like a talent show. It was like an Australian idol but like just anyone. I think Julia Morris was on it.
So really like it.
Yeah, like people would sing or dance or whatever their talent was, do a comedy sketch.
Yeah right, nah, I didn't know about that anyway. Hi to everyone, thanks for listening into the podcast. It is Mala Monte here with you today. I just want a couple of messages from you guys that I wanted to read out that's made me laugh. Please messages anytime showan tell on. Mine is our Instagram where you can hit
us up. But now, the other day you were talking about how you put a snot in your brother's French onion dip, and you watched him eat the whole thing with like savoys or jats, just get it fucking right down his gullet, knowing that he'd eaten your your snot,
which is so crook, disgusting, so disgusting. Anyway, I wanted to read you out this because Aaron messaged in and said, I remember I licked the flavors of an entire pack of sicatas when I was about fifteen after school, and then fell asleep, leaving the pack unattended on the table, and then her dear old dad ate one and was like, geezs are a bit stale stale.
I would have thought it was they were like bland, like these are bland and also its soggy.
I just laughed, though, when you're a kid, just I vividly remember licking the cicada flavoring like we used to get barbecue flavor cicadasa, remember the ad.
My daughter loves those still, Oh.
They're so good. Just be so fula airmsg those things, but just lacking them off, like same as barbecue shapes, pizza shapes.
This is why I have this theory. I can only eat those things flavorside down.
Yeah, I know you've said that before.
It's so weird that the flavor has to be on the tongue.
But it's not that it doesn't hit the tongue when you have it, you don't get the same impact.
And also I think I would argue, what's weirder to just sit there going just licking, look sucking the flavor off of a cicada, of a cicada, barbecue shape, whatever. It would be weirder to lick it than just put it in your mouth flavorside.
But if you don't want the whole biscuit, you just want the flavoring. If that's why you'd give it a lick.
Hang on it. Are you saying used to just lick it? And then were you like those people that would like chew their food a few times and spit it out just to get the flavor, but.
Actually not for the calories.
This great diet just.
Licked the flavoring and put the biscuits back.
Yes, I got that part of the story. I thought you were saying that you used to do that as well, like lick the flavor off sometimes.
Yeah, as a kid, you do feel weird shit as a kid. Yeah, And then just leave the biscuit there or check the bis.
No, that's for the end of the packet, when there's all the flavor at the bottom and then you just tip it up. Made you feel a bit nauseous. Myma feels sick, you know.
I was sick in bed the other day, and I felt whenever I'm well, I really crave like either hot chips or something really sweet. Yeah, I said, Sam, I need biscuits. I just was craving biscuits. And I gave him the strict instructions of like, I don't want tim tam, I don't want chocolate one like that. I want like something I can dunk in the tea. And he came back with like the family cream all sorts, but just the short bread ones with the cream in the middle.
Oh yeah, I don't mind those, alright, very soft, it's a very soft short bread. I didn't mind it. I wasn't wrapped, but I wouldn't have been wrapped in any with anything in that state.
How annoying is it when they go to the shops and they say, do you want anything? I don't know if I feel like anything, and then they come back with something.
Fuck, it's your fault. It's always wrong. Not it's your fault.
Because you weren't clear. I didn't just say I want totally, but then you irritated. Fuck don't you know me well enough? I now I don't like that.
So annoyed I get so irrationally annoyed. I was like, he said I was not going to win either way, and I said, no, you weren't. You really weren't. But for some reason I didn't want these. I said, was they're not the orange ones, which I know most people hate. He's like, no, this was all there was.
If Mark goes out and gets macas, I have the same thing every time, Yeah, right, of course. Yeah, ask me every time what I want and I say just the same as always. What's that? And I'm like, well, it's been twenty six years you've been taking my Macca's order and it's pretty much the same. It annoys me.
What is your Maca's order?
Oh?
Well, look it has changed because it used to be a large it used to be a large quarter pounded meal. Now it's a medium cheeseburger meal. I open it. Yeah, right, cheesebag is not big enough. Nah, well I mean rainy, Yeah, but I have the coke as well. You know, you know what, my record amount of food I've eaten these because my god, I used to put away food when I was young, and like my metabolism was real fast. I ate two large big mac meals once with the cokes.
Oh wow, a lot of wick was bere that's so impressive. Yeah, anyway, the biggies I got boring, but I ate the whole packet, and I felt sick.
Like I'll hijacked your whole stories.
It's lucky, I'll bring it around. I'm a pro. I go back to around packet. I ate the whole fucking packet. Oh no, no, the boys maybe had two or three, so I ate the rest of them. I just laid there and I dunked, and the crumbs were falling on my chest and I didn't care. And the only reason I reminded me is because you were like, you felt a bit sick after you've eaten that many sicatas and then just tipping the flavoring in your mouth, you just feel a bit crooked. That's what I was like. With
those cookies. I was like, and then there was three left, I might just finish them off.
Finish you know what because it's when you don't feel well, you're just searching for stuff to make you.
For You just want anything, anything that might make you feel good.
Yeah, I get that.
Okay, here's another embarrassing for no reason which I love and I witnessed this this morning. Okay, so we often talk about things that are embarrassing for no reason. Let us know anytime hit us up, Show and Tell online is out into which I have said, but this is from Alice, and she said, ladies, I randomly thought of another embarrassing for no reason. When you're on a walk and you go as far as you want to go, and then you have to turn around and head back.
And I saw it this morning. A guy obviously in his mind, had his spot where he was running to and then just the pivot around to go over your.
Track, run around the pole.
Yes, something about it that's embarrassing for no reason.
You want to give them a little clap nearly there. That's great, that's great.
It's so funny. It's so true because I always think I get where's my point in my head? Too? And then I do know that the spin around on the toes to go back, so funny.
Speaking of embarrassing. Well, this is embarrassing for a reason, not for no reason. So I don't know if you saw this, but last week the Department of Health in Queensland launched this campaign called It's Okay to pull at Work?
I mean, is it that's a weird campaign for them to launch? Was it tang in cheek? Like what the fuck are they spending their time on if they're doing a campaign like that.
I think it was they're basically trying to take the stigma out of taking a shit in the workplace, because you know, holding it in can cause health things like you know, hemorrhoids, clogged colon. Okay, it's not good if you're busting no, but we also know those people who are just far too comfortable, like yes, like maybe I might have to go, and they go and sit on the work toilet for how long? And they just anyway,
I have diagnosed myself with this thing. It's a real condition called Parker prisis OH, which is described on news dot com as if someone finds it extremely difficult to pooh around other people, which who isn't. But also even in my own house, if Mark's in the bedroom, I won't shit in our own suite or whatever I have to, I have to pooh away, yes from people. I don't want anyone hearing it. It's so I don't know what it is, but what it's park A Prisis.
Yeah, but I mean, is it Parker Presis. I feel like when you've got a disorder, it kind of really affects your life. Where this is just like you would prefer to shit not near people, which is the same as me, Like I don't want anyone, Like I've never been in a relationship where if I'm shitting, Sam can come in the room, like I need, I need to be by myself.
I would almost prefer to shit my pants on the way home then shit at work or in a public area. It's described as psychogenic fecal retention or shy bow, the inability to defecate without a certain level of privacy, and it's associated with avoidance in public and social situations. I mean, I am I would one hundred percent be like that. If I felt like I really needed to go and I was in public, I would really struggle to go, Like it would be a really big deal, Like I reckon,
I'd almost cry I the thought of it. I don't know why it's such a big thing, Like, I don't know, And I think I was always like that, Like I.
Think most people only want to shit at home. But the fact that you would cry if you needed to do a pooh if you're out, it's pretty hectic.
Listen. I wrote an article on Show and Tell for this years ago. I remember one time I did have to shoot at work.
Did you cry on the toilet?
I can't even I had to take the next day off work. There's a whole story behind this, like stupid. I was wanting to lose a bit of weight, so I tried one of those detox tea's. Ah. I went and bought it in my lunch break, and it says, you know, put one to two tea bags in and just you know, steep it for five minutes. I put two tea bags in and steeped it for like fifteen minutes. Yes, because I think go hard or go home.
Oh yes.
And I used to work for like an employment agency, trying to place people into work. And I was seeing this guy and you know when you feel the initial, it's like in the movies. You hear the gurgle and I'm initial straight away. I was like, and he goes, you all right, I went, oh, yeah, no, that's okay. I just got a tummy pain started getting louder that I was almost you know, when you have to rock. I said to him, listen, I think I'm sick. You know,
we'll catch up next week. Oh yeah, okay, all right, he went, and I was trying to talk myself into it's all right, it's not going to come out. It's not going to come out. I was like, I am going to ship my pants. I had to run to the toilet. I reckon. I was in there for half an hour. I couldn't move, you know what. I couldn't even keep water in even the next day. The next day, I said, from a tea bag, a tea, but it
was never forget. It was a dark green box and it was called Detox slimming tea, lose weight and dehydrate and never again, never again.
Wow.
Should see me? Driving home? I was like holding onto the steer.
Why was that bad?
Like moving back and forth. It was terrible. But it also spurred on an invention idea. You know, yes, okay, imagine there was a tablet you could take that instead of pooh and far smelling revolting. It just gave them I don't know. It was like an internal breath freshener and it smelled minty fresh.
Yes, So then when you went to the toilet, I mean.
The noise is still a thing, but you know, but you just like.
If you're gonna choose, because I would if I would need to shit at work, would go would quickly flush it, yes, so the stench doesn't go and then wipe and you know.
But it's still there. And it's always a case of the longer you're in there, you become immune to it. You can't do with smell it any more.
It's so true.
But even if there was a suppository, I would use it every day. Stick is the pository up your ass. It's like a breath mint mate. Yeah, if you have to work with a lot of people, yeah, I get different sense. Imagine like ocean breeze minty.
Still it would be cruel because you would you would know, you'd get used to it, but it would be better than inhaling somebody's shit.
Pong will almost be funny.
Oh my god, it's so Remember like a school is something that you look under the qbicles to see whose feet they were, and then you go, oh, Becky, it's so school toilets, aren't they the nastiest thing of all time? School toilets?
What's wrong with even just normal toilets? When you go out? What's wrong with people that there's like sometimes there's shit in there with no paper or anything, and you're like, what is this fucking animal? You know? It makes me, It makes me sick. I will avoid even for a week. I will avoid going to the toilet at all costs.
Anyway, toilet talk, tilet talk. We should almost have a little sting for toilets talk. Shuldn't we bit?
It's a bit gross, isn't it. I'm so sorry we're probably losing listeners because of this.
Oh hands down. When I had a sip of tea and you talk, it make me feel a bit crooke in the tummy. Oh so you know what is like I'm very late to his ai Like, I'm just I know this sounds dumb, but I just don't get it.
That's for me, such a sign we're getting old, because it's like our parents with mobiles. Yes, you know, how do I do this? And then you know, like they swipe up like they're doing this or whatever? How do I do that? And it's like, this is our version.
Totally, so age do you get it properly?
Like I, No, I don't. I understand. Sometimes if I have to put in my other job, sometimes I have to write captions right, and the program I put it into always offers me at the bottom rewrite this caption with AI right, and I'm like, I'm not doing that.
I don't think I'll ever succumb to that. I feel like I'm cheating, yes, but I do get the you know, like the facial stuff they do now, so you could put you know, your head on someone else's body and it, you know, and that opens up doors to you know, porn and naked pictures and stuff that totally.
Like I keep getting tricked by it. That's what I don't like. I don't get it that much. But I also I'm like I keep getting tricked. Like there's this Instagram video that popped up on my Instagram of the most gorgeous babies dressed up as like fruit and stuff walking a runway and they were the happiest babies and that I'm like, look at these And I sent it to a friend because I'm like this is the cutest thing ever. And she just wrote back, AI, and I
was like, oh, you're fucking right. As if you could get babies like that just to perform and walk down a runway smiling like.
That, if you would have gone back and watched it, there's still a level of fakeness to it. Yes, yes, a.
Little bit, a little bit. It's really hard. And then the other day my friend Ben kept sending me poems. Oh my god, Ben, how I'm so dumb with it. He would weave in like, you know, things I love and wear, I live, and my kids' names, and it was all rhyming so fantastically and I Am like what and they were just coming thick and fast. I'm like I didn't know you could do this. This is incredible, Like where's his head? And he eventually said, Ai, Babe, I'm like, fuck, I'm so dumb.
I'm so No, you're not dumb. You're not dumb. It's because it wouldn't occur to you to do any of that stuff. But this is the bigger problem with that is if you are a person who works in a creative field, you're a writer, an editor, any of those things, it's almost like I feel like there's a ticking clock, like, oh shit, there's going to come a point where people are going to know I've got the footage. I'm just going to put it into this program. It's going to
edit it for me. Yes, Yes, who needs to hire a journalist when I can put in five words and AI will come up with an article for me.
Totally. That's happening so much now, God, so much. But it's the one that scares me the most is the voice and when they can make the faces move. So he sent me this this morning, and I thought, I'll play it for you. It's just so scary that you can have a full make it like a full conversation with somebody's voice.
It's so for long, Okatie or Manti or whatever you call yourself. These days, I don't keep up with stupid white girls in their lives. What I can tell you is that I know all about Byron Bay. I think it's a great country, and I'm excited to wish you all the best from the freaking USA. I love you, bye bye.
Yeah.
That's terrifying. Donald Trump, he did say Byron Bay was a country.
Yeah, but that I was like, oh my god, and his mouth's moving in time with it in the video.
Do you know what I said to the kids, because there was this thing going around a while ago about like a WhatsApp call coming in and they generate the voice of your kid saying Mom, I need money, Mum, I'm stuck or whatever that the parent then will put money into an account or whatever. Yes, I said to the kids anything like that. Let's just go with the password system. Okay, what's the password? I mean, fuck, it's like Stranger Danger to the next level.
I didn't realize that they were doing that because I know there's that text where it's like I need you to quickly transfer this for me moments to me whatever. But I didn't realize they were getting their voices. How are they getting their voices though?
Well, I don't know, but there is there is something about whether it's using social media or whatever. Even our phones, our phones fucking have our lives on it. Oh, totally, our voices in conversations that all that stuff where like they can access everything.
It's so terrifying. Speaking of phones, I'm so addicted, so addicted to mine. It's it's making me anxious and angry, Like I'm so annoyed at how much it has a hold on me that when I'm around my kids, I'm so not present. I'm just on this fucking phone all the time, just scrolling for anything that is just to
escape my own reality. And I'll stand there and be on it and then i just will come through times and I'm like, oh shit, mate, Like, oh do You'll be like mom, mum, mum it has been I'm like, how you been saying mum for like it just makes me feel really guilty. So this is not sponsored at all, but one of my best mates has got opal on her phone and it's a call opl Opa L and I downloaded it this morning and it's yet a free weeks trial and then it's one hundred bucks a year,
so it's not cheap. But if it changes your patterns of using how you're so addicted to your phone, that could be a good thing.
But it blocks.
Like whatever you want for a certain amount of time. So I remember a while ago I told you about that one that that what was it called sec one sec where you can put times and then you can override it though, and they're like, do you really want to look at your Instagram again? And you're right, yes, and then you take a breath and it does it. Whatever. That didn't work for me, but this one locks it down so you can set the times that you are
able to look at it. So I've set it from eleven to twelve I can have access to Instagram, and seven thirty to eight thirty I can have access to Instagram, and outside of that it is locked down and I can't get into it because I'm so unwell at the moment, I'm in better lot and I just scroll and scroll, and my anxiety and jealousy of seeing other people living their lives and everything is so bad that my like, my anxiety at the moment's the worse it's ever been.
And I think a huge amount has to do with how addicted I am to looking at what other people are doing with their lives.
Well, you know what, I fucking applaud you for doing that, because.
I just feel sick about it. Like this morning when I put it on, I'm like, I feel like like a part of my lifeline's gone. Like it's wild.
But this is the thing. You'll think, Oh, what am I going to do instead? Yes, so maybe you'll say, for argument's sake, I might write something. Ye, well, I might draw something or whatever, you fine.
Or read something, read something.
Learn something, you know, you know what. It's probably gonna be a game changer.
I hope it is. I really hope it is, because my mate who put it on hers is like, this has changed my life. So I'm like, Okay, I've got to give it a go. I've got to give something you go.
It is a really good solution because the thought of when people say I'll just put your phone away, our phones are everything, yes, Like who's got a landline anymore? Now you need to be contactable, work, email, all that stuff. Oh my god. Though in those hours you're going to be oh, do not disturb me, don't talk to me. It's my only heel.
Yeah. Yeah, we'll give it myself two hours a day. But that is like, seriously, a lot less than I would be doing on an average day at the moment.
Bad. No, it's not. It's funny though, how like I think, And I'm not judging you when I say this because I'm the same, But how shit. Our impulse control is like, hell, we have no discipline, none at all anymore. We've got we need apps to stop us from doing something that we should be able to just go doing stuff.
We're so addicted. We're so addicted, and I'll just sit there like, well, I'm I'm cooking a meal and just click on it and scroll through it, you know what I mean, while I'm waiting for one fucking side of the steak to cook. It's like, nah, this is a joke, ludicrous now, So anyway, I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, what was it called again?
Oppool? Yeah? Why don't you let it go?
Nah? Because I feel like I rely on it for content too. Yes, I'm always looking at it for content and I've got to post a lot.
Yes, well I did. I did the time of seven thirty to eight so I can post like some of our podcast clips. I'm like, I need that timing to be able to do that. But at the moment, I'm not doing much work. Yeah, you know what I mean. So, like I always have said, no, I need it for work. I need it for work. I'm like, well, I'm not really doing a huge amount at the moment, so I surely don't need it. It's not an excuse anymore.
I mean, next week, let's check in.
I know, because I also got my friend to set it up, so I do not know how to override it, and I'm not the kind of person that will research how to override it, so it's fucking locked for me.
It's do you know what I would do? I would just make like a whole other Instagram page like, oh my god.
I'll be with you.
Don't do that.
I won't be able to get on my laptop. That's what I was originally going to do, though, is just look at it on my laptop, get it off my phone.
And now I'm like, if you if you've seen an Instagram like dunty miman, yeah, put on. That's good.
Thanks, thanks mate, good, all right, let's get out of here. Our time has come to and then your sexy cats. Thanks for listening. Can you give us a rating or a comment wherever you listen to your podcast, share it with your friends and get in to app shall and tell online we love you. Godbye, Love you