She Who Is Seeking Shadow Work Ep 9

Hello all you beautiful creatures. Hello, my mystics and witches and beautiful weirdos. Today on the podcast, we are going to talk about shadow work. And that is a good idea. Yes. Let's talk, shadow work. Shall we? Most of you lovely listeners probably are very well versed in this work. And exactly what it means. And you're already doing it. And for the rest of you, I imagine you were probably also doing it, but you just may not know it.

Or you may know it by another name, or maybe you didn't even know it had a name. So for the sake of clarity and to make sure that we're all on the same page. Let's put out a loose definition of what shadow work is, at least to me. For me, it's those aspects of myself that are triggering or embarrassing. And that are really easy to see in other people, but may not be as easy to see in ourselves. It's working on those aspects and the parts of ourselves that we wish weren't there.

They may be the parts of our personality that were formed to handle trauma or hardships that we endured. And I am so glad that you are here today to be with us as we discuss shadow. And in case you don't know me, or if it's your first time here. My name is Meena Melissa Leigh. And this is the She Who Is Seeking Podcast. And I want to thank you for taking the time out of your day to come and be in conversation about this.

And why don't you go ahead and make sure that you have something delicious to drink? I feel like that's very important so make yourself maybe a nice cup of tea. And maybe you want to go on a walk or, just have me accompany you while you pitter-patter around the house. So if you're comfortable, then we can move on. So I'm feeling a collective pull that we all may have another layer coming up. And that we may all be ready to do a shadow striptease. So yes.

Shadow work is about being brave in putting on your sexiest coat and galoshes and getting in that pig pen of human emotions and cleaning it out so, you know, what's what. It's also about uncovering the unseen aspects of your personality and experiences that may cause you to react. Because when you're extremely reactive, then you're probably not reacting. Or behaving in a way that you love when you look at it with a more analytical lens or after you've cooled down.

So people do their own work in their own order. But I would say this kind of ties into the episode where I spoke about really embracing my own light, and being able to shine, and being love from the depths of my heart. And all that being true. But I really had sort of shelved the darker stuff. So I was thinking that it's kind of like a spiritual water bottle. Like a spiritual plastic water bottle. That is not going to go anywhere until you recycle it into something else.

Leaving it there, it's not going to disintegrate. It's not going to transform in its own, it will not compost on its own. It will not disappear. You have to get in there and do something. And we all have seen those items that are made from recycled things, and it's hard to believe that something that amazing could be made from what is essentially garbage. I had done the shadow work. But for me, I hadn't gotten to the bottom of that pig pen.

And I didn't realize that under all that mud, there was a lot of hidden treasures still to be uncovered. Learning to see the patterns that were running in the background was an important step in being aware of, well, everything. You do not have to have the end goal of being rid of your shadow forever. And in fact, I don't even think that that's possible.

I think what is possible is that you really become aware of those things that are being funneled from the channels of darkness in from un-dealt-with parts of your life, and that are feeding that darkness in that shadow. And you get to the bottom of what's going on so that you can see it clearly. And that's the remarkable thing to me, is it's so much easier to see a pattern in someone else. And I would say I am a professional shadow seer.

I can see my own dark shadows and patterns because I personally have had decades of practice. Usually tough, never comfortable practice. My darkness is pointed and jagged and heavy. But I have mad skills at carrying it around. And I am a Taurus. And we're used to managing a high level of uncomfortable things. But we do so because we want that delicious pleasure at the end. So I've learned to see shadow clearly because I was young and in pain. And I was a master at throwing shade.

So there was a lot of shadow on display. But not just shadow. There was a real darkness, and a crippling sadness, and a scary anger. In my youth, I was reactionary, impulsive, and really, really desperate to hide at all. And when I think back to those times, I have so much compassion for younger me. I was literally just doing the best I could. The way that you learn to see your own shadow is by seeing things you hate the most about yourself in anyone but you.

And that's where a lot of people's experience with the whole work ends. They're just triggered left and right by how annoying other people are and how obnoxious everyone else seems to be. And somehow they're able to hide the truth from themselves about what's really happening. In my experience, these are the same people who stay angry, frustrated, and on edge all the time. Because they spend all their energy trying to outrun these dark demons rather than standing to fight them.

And I know this because I was this. I've done many a demon slaying and shadow taming in my time. And I still work at it. Every. Single. Day. Becoming aware of your shadow and your golden shadow becomes a great resource. I always had a feeling that my shadow and all of my darkness doesn't easily fit into the toolbox of a light worker. the way someone else's might.

That there was just more darkness and baggage and skeletons and garbage in my past, compared to what I felt was a quote, "normal amount". And I did do therapy and journal and read and self-help books and I kept the trail hot. To all of the witchy new age stores that blessed the 1990s. And man, there was a lot of cool underground places back then. This is a digression, but back then, you had to know about these places by word of mouth.

And somebody had to tell you about them and you had to get there using a Thomas guide. And if you are too young to know about Thomas guides, you should Google it and then you will be so happy that you have navigation on your phone because I'm telling you if you had an old one, cause they were crazy expensive, then there would be new streets that existed that were not in your Thomas guide and you would have no idea what the hell was going on. So digression over.

But, I mean that is what brings a lot of us to this liminal space to begin with. Right? Like we're in fucking pain. And we need help. And we need something bigger than us to fix the problem. But it's not easy. It's just never that easy. And if it was, we would just turn it over to Spirit and work our spells, and then that would be it. And all that we have to do-- just dear goddess, it takes forever, but we learn in this healing journey. We learn about ourselves and the pain.

Our perception of the acts of our perpetrators. We untangle. We unpack. We mourn and rage, we shed and we repeat. And, it's true that there are so many layers of ourselves and our healing. And so many of us have lived in pain, but we come out on the other side. It's those layers, right? I would say the biggest difference between then and now are threefold. Back then I still lived in hell realms. I worked in them. My friends were in them. And no one, I knew knew any different, no one knew better.

You did the work of some healing, and then you just like, got back to the club or whatever you were doing. I was still in relationships that caused me pain and everyone around me was still in their very dark place and on their own dark journey. The next thing was, there was very little resources or options back then. And I didn't have the evidence or real belief that I could do it. That I could really find a sense of peace. There just was no social proof at that point.

And finally the most critical part, I think, was this mindset piece. I was very positive. And I was a loving person. But I was a lot of pain and my mindset was that I saw myself as broken. And this is an error I made time and time again. Seeing the struggle and thinking I'm just too damaged. I am too broken. I should just lean in and accept that. And that was definitely an error of the times and a commonly held belief. And we damaged, fragile, fascinating souls, found each other.

And we did great and beautiful things, wild and dangerous things. And that eventually, hopefully you live long enough and things change, and you outgrow skins and toxic people and attitudes. And eventually you find a teacher or a mentor. That holds your gaze long enough and holds a space for you to roll around with all those layers of your muck. And how could I have freedom when I was caged in by others and I was caged in by my old self?

I heard that Yogi Bhajan, and this is an ironic quote I heard that Yogi Bhajan would say that those with the biggest light cast the darkest shadow. And that is an interesting and potentially triggering quote. Because he himself was selling the dream of being a higher being. Being a God man, a safe space, a spiritual teacher who had the answers. And could teach you to be a teacher. And yet, there are so many allegations of abuse that have surfaced over the many years. And do you know why?

Part of that is because we're human. We cannot be perfect. It is impossible. There's just too many interesting things that are unfolding in these times. I'm seeing the work that this older self-identified, damaged and broken generation X and older really paved for younger generations. Only in that this feeling that we are whole and perfect is true. And yet it's not the whole story because we are whole and perfect and pure perfection.

But we are also complex and have darkness and shadow and struggles. We've never been perfect as a society and we're definitely not now. And yet, some cancel culture is completely appropriate because there's people who do things that are far worse than should be acceptable. But also I posit the theory that when we're so quick to judge others for the things in their past that we make it challenging to be truthful and honest about who we really are.

We make it too frightening to become honest about the challenges that we've endured or the dark path that we have to walk alone to get where we are. There can be truth in the statement that people never change and you can't teach a dog new tricks. But that's only true if the person wants it to be true. What is more accurate, I think, is that you have a growth mindset, and you can learn each and every day, and get better each and every day, and become more of the person that you want to be.

Shining that golden light, and a lot of times that happens by trial and error. And sometimes, that trial and error is absolute bullshit behavior. And I have journals and journals to show that I have a lot of that in my past. And it's that thing that fueled me, and protected me, and it also gave me the suit of armor that got me through years when my skin was just too tender to go into the world unprotected. But energy is energy, and it doesn't vanish.

To have given away those experiences or deny them would have been to give away my power. And it doesn't weigh me down. The pain is not fresh in my heart eternally, but I am affected. I am colored by it. It gives me power and insight that those who come to healing professions with unsoiled backgrounds cannot truly grasp. They may understand it on an intellectual level. You can be trained to read the signs, trained to deepen your empathy and your compassion.

But the way I see it is I am empathy and compassion. Those are two guideposts that keep me connected, open, and able to serve. And again, I'm human and I make mistakes. See, there was one right there. I'm human and I make mistakes and I get mad, but I look into why I just want to learn. I don't have anything to prove. In the recent past, I've had so many opportunities to test this out.

I don't always make the best of it immediately, but it's about a 48 hour turnaround for the really dramatically bad stuff. And I think about it, I figure out what happened that I didn't like, what it meant, why it happened. And I think that that's good enough for today and I will keep working on it. I have this strength forged from carrying the weight of these things around, and I carried them so long, and I knew them so intimately, and I've learned all of their gifts.

And I can still remember their weight. I can sense them in my shadow, like a cloak. But I own that cloak and yet it is not me. I know it's there and it's by choice. There's nothing wrong with having a shadow self. In my humble opinion, I think the only thing that is wrong is to ignore it.

As for the technical aspects of doing shadow work, I'm going to assume that most people listening are familiar and maybe just needed a little reminder that there may be another collective layer to work on right now. But if you have not been doing shadow work or want to learn more about it, there is a lot of great information online. You could look into it. Check a couple different places and sort of make your own decision on what it means to you. But the main thing is just, don't be afraid.

It's okay if it doesn't feel great. It's okay if it's a little scary or if it kind of hurts or if it's super annoying. Because in the long run, it is so freeing. It's kind of like doing all your homework on Friday night. So you have the whole weekend to enjoy. It's like, but like, for your spirit. So. I just want to thank you for being brave and doing the work. Something I'd like to talk about soon is the golden shadow. Because that's a whole thing.

But for now, stay connected to the work that makes you feel like you're on the right path. Stay connected to the people who make you feel lighter and brighter. Stay connected to your inner wise being, for doing things in nature with all the glorious trees and breezes and tiny little plants and chirping birds. Never think that you're behind because there is no such thing, and never think that you're evil or terrible or worthless because it's just not true.

We all have bad days, and often we're better for it.-- once we get to the other side. I would love to hear from you and I'd love to know. What you're getting out of this podcast or whether you have anything that you'd like for me to talk. And I have a phone hotline now, like an old school hotline. So, it is the she who is seeking telephone hotline. Area code. 6 5 7 3 3 3 4 6 4 0. Which spelled out on your key pad. Okay. Seeking.

Zero. Because even though we're all seeking something, we don't have to be, we're fine the way we are, we don't have to look for nothing. And it's also true that most of us are hard wired to be looking for something deeper and bigger than ourselves, so if you want to talk about that or anything else. Leave me a little old fashioned voice message at area code 6 5 7 3 3 3 4 6 4 0. And I would also like to say. That I am sure I don't have to mention that these podcasts are not perfect.

Sometimes I leave in mistakes and part of that is because I'm just trying to keep it real. And part of it is because I'm trying not to be a perfectionist and part of it is because perfectionism is the enemy of done. And I just really have connected to the fact that when we want something to be perfect and we're overthinking it, then chances are it's not ever going to get done. And I've had too much of that in my life and I'm over it.

So yeah, sometimes they say words really weird and sometimes I leave them in. And I do that in real life. It's not like I can edit it in real life, right? So if you know me in real life, you--see, I even said the word real "weirdly" right there, even "weirdl"y sounded weird. Okay. On that note? Yes. Let's wrap up. The beautiful song is called Snake River and it is by Siren in the Sea. And I really just can't thank you enough for listening. And if you want to connect with me and my weirdness.

I'm on Instagram at @shewhoisseeking. Or you can sign up for occasional chitty chat and updates and maybe like get let in on the secret, in the know stuff on my website. You can sign up and it's shewhoisseeking.com. And once again, thank you so much and I love you, and I hope that you find something magic in each and every day. And if you want to talk about the shadow work that you're doing, or if you want to tell me, like screw myself because you don't want to do your shadow work.

Let's talk about it. Okay love you bye! Okay. I have one more thing to say. I am reserving the right for this topic and all topics to talk about them again, but you already know that. I mean to me, all these things are so interwoven. It's almost a challenge to tangle them apart long enough to talk about a topic 'cause geez Louise, isn't it all the same thing? Like this journey of healing and work and magic and shedding and transformation. Like you can't do one without the other. It is.

It's all part of the web. It's all part of the web. I'm gonna leave you on that note. Give that some thinks. K bye! So I always pull a card and the one I pulled for today was The Serpent.