She who is seeking rebirth. In the moment between lost and finding there you are. Laying down to sleep on stones and flowers. The stars twinkle in your bones. Your eyes closed down like an old book. After the tyranny of tears after the breath, gasp and whispers. That quiet settles on your forehead. Like a kiss. You awaken. Lightness of breath. You're now Queenly in your song and sighs. You are rebirth. Embroidered with flowers. The season of spring your garments. Welcome! Hello and blessings.
You're here. Yay! I'm Meena Melissa Leigh and today... She Who Is Seeking Rebirth. Here we are in spring. The season of rebirth. The land has awakened from ice and snow. The plants sneak through the dark earth, into the sun. Rebirth is a concept you don't always identify in the moment. You may know you're in the depths of something, but all you see around you is darkness. You're too deep in it to discern the magnitude of what is transforming. Even myself. Who is utterly optimistic.
And always searching for the golden lining saw only the deep moist earth around me packed tight. Closing in. The dark night of the soul. It's fitting. This transformation undercover of stars. Only this time- no stars. Maybe that's why it rocked me so much. It just felt purely dark and I felt isolated. There are so many types of rebirth, but what I wanted to speak on today is what it means for me right now. Coming out of the pandemic.
A depression, overwhelm, frustration,a dissolved relationship...Rebith generally comes after a death of some sort. When you're at rock bottom. And at your wits end. Honestly, I didn't see it for what it was until I was pretty much through to the other side. And it was not the funnest experience. Well, actually it sucked. I just wanted to get through it alive. But rough as it was. It's the way I found real self-love and self-worth. And finally stepped into my power.
And I realized that that may sound cliche. When we're talking to others and saying things like 'Step into my power" but, these are things that I had called to me for a long time. But could not claim. I knew it's who I was. I could see the qualities in others and catch glimpses of it in myself. And yet there were some barrier. After losing the love of another I deepen relationship with myself. Not just this time. It's happened every time. It's when we reflect on our actions.
To comb through the dynamics and the patterns looking for clues as to what, why, how? It's excruciating. Part self punishment. Part self-reflection. I realized I had been in the pattern of downplaying elements of who I was to keep things smooth. Um, that's a thing, even for me. It's never been overt. I've never been the type to completely turn into another person, which I have witnessed before.
And I just such a trip to see somebody that, you know, Turn into somebody completely different when they're in a relationship. But for me, it came into focus. When I thought about whether or not I was ready for a new relationship. Could my heart handle it? Was I capable of withstanding the whole thing? What I realized was I was still in this massive swell of expansion. The force that grows massive Sequoia trees after a fire. Those new trees can only grow after a fire.
For those of you who haven't made it to a Redwood forest and been schooled by a ranger and a tidy khaki uniform. The short of it is this. In California, we have these wildfires that can take out huge swaths of nature in one fell swoop. In an effort to preserve these great forest, the Rangers and state park officials. Got really good at preventing the fires devastating these majestic old growth forests. But a funny thing happened. There was also no new Sequoia trees.
For a time they couldn't figure out the reason. But it turns out Sequoia seeds essentially need the heat of that fire to activate them. And then they can take root and grow into these amazing new trees. In this metaphor. I am the trees, both old and new. And breakups are the fire. And that fire activates this deep and untapped potential for growth, strength and resilience. Partly because it uprooted me from unstable ground. I'm now deeply rooted and standing tall, taller than ever before.
This rebirth through fire wasn't planned or executed. It was itself birthed from seeds planted over the years for what I wanted for my life. Those seeds of standing in my worth. Speaking up for what I knew was right. Facing the fear of rejection of another to fully embrace the acceptance of myself. And loving the person who I am now. This body, this face, this phase of life. All of these things that I had laid the groundwork for.
Each new season of self that emerges from pain and loss, or trials and tribulations sees the light of rebirth in a new way. There were many months of inner reflection. Questioning, and talking it out in the same forever droning on way to the poor, same confidants. It just felt as though I couldn't trust myself. Because I had been so blind. I hadn't seen the possibility of the particulars occurring. And it made me question my instincts. My inner knowing and my judge of character.
I especially turned inward during the winter. Embracing the stillness and quiet of the earth element. Journeying down into the depths, as I sat with this unknowable potential. Often there is a tinge of sadness, stillness and immobility in the winter. Even if one is not in existential crisis. Hmm. I think the particulars of that might be for another story. So cue the existential crisis. Riots.
The inner questioning, more pandemic , isolation, world fear, others needing care, brain chemistry malfunctioning, and general overwhelm and call it a party. And honestly took a lot of positive self-talk and inner reflection and some good old fashion wound licking, antidepressants and therapy to get through that. Also for the record. I think that that's a topic because I feel as though.
In this sort of like health and wellness beings of light mystical realm people have some pretty strong opinions about Western medicine and as to I, but brain malfunctioning is a real thing. And if you need medication. Go for it. But the thing is my guidance wasn't broken. I felt the beginning of the end for a while. But when it felt like the needs of the other were trying to take over, and I was having that 'fix-it' energy instead of taking care of myself first.
That's where the problems began. That has enabled too much space to get lost in. That energy of "fixing" occupies a nearly infinite space. It's a trickster. It calls out to you like a lost child in a dangerous land. When it is in fact, the dangerous land. Get sucked into trying to fix someone else and you will be lost. I have an incredible capacity for love. And have a song of compassion that hums under every other tune. And this doesn't make me weak or overly sensitive or too emotional.
This is what connects me to the fount of love that fills me up. It is how I navigate the world. I don't need to shut this off. The lessons that I received from this was to hear my own needs as loudly as I hear others. Cue the rebirth. Everything was not in line with the new vision. This is your turn to be composted. Anyone not ready for these new boundaries move along. There is nothing for you here. Needy takers need not apply. And self-centered jerks. No, thank you.
I realized recently that I've been in this seed of potential phase for 13 months. This hasn't been so much of a Phoenix rising from the ashes drama show, so much as one of those slow and steady wins the race situations. This rebirth and growth has been steady and true. I've brought this capacity to live with an open heart into this rebirth. But no longer am I willing to be steamrolled, sidelined or gas lit. Not for a second. Life is this wonderful and precious gift.
Time in this body with these people. It's finite. There's no guarantee to be granted happiness by circumstance. And no way to retrieve lost time. So, we must all make conscious decisions to flood our life with the right things. Those that love and appreciate us for who we are, and are supportive and accepting of who we are..and who we're growing into. Those who make us want to be our best selves. And who call us on our bullshit in the most loving way possible.
Those who we feel safe and supported by. David P. Brown famously said that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. It's usually cited in relation to business finances or abundance, but I feel like it's applicable to your inner circle as well. I bring this up to call attention to the culture you're creating for yourself. It matters. You matter. And how people make you feel matters. I digress a little bit, but I stand by that.
As a thought experiment, I felt into my future. And I realized I'm still ready for this expansion. And rooting. Breaking through the surface is a great start. But it's in this phase where the quality of light and the nutrients of the soil, and rains all can have an impact. We've all had those experiences of a plant that just really seemed to take off compared to its neighbors. And also ones that for whatever reason, failed to thrive. So I'm taking some time to nurture my roots.
Get sun and sing songs of rain. I'm allowing time to send shoots down so far. I can't be pulled out by wind or any other acts of nature. It's not that I'm opposed to new situations, but I'm hyper aware that I need to continue to give this phase some space and time. There's this thing that felt too scary for me before. And in this new rebirth, I'm building these skills. These skills are the roots shooting down and getting stronger. I'm allowing myself to be fully seen.
I'm using my voice at full volume. I'm sharing beyond my little world and I'm ready and I'm doing it. And I need to care for this tender time. I had some other thoughts on rebirth. What helped me step through the rebirth process with more grace this time was the groundwork that I had laid with my own healing process.
Journaling about what I did want for my life and preparing to release what I didn't had always been an ongoing process for me and it helped to clarify what really needed to be left behind. When you parse out what feels sticky and where you have an attachment that's just not in alignment, can you let these things go? Having a clear vision for these things. Your values, boundaries and aspirations can lay the groundwork for what's to be reborn.
But I think being clear on my boundaries for how I interact with others and the world dictated when I could no longer go with the flow. And essentially it removed me from the timeline that I had been in. I hunkered down into place and allowed things to move around me. As I protected my values and needs. Things people and circumstances, not in alignment with my values. We're either removed or just fell away. This wasn't easy or pain-free.
But the freedom I feel on the other side of it feels liberating. And it's allowed me the space to move forward. How I want to. Through the world. When I was in crisis, I worked with a therapist. When I was needing direction or felt lost I worked with my mentor. When I needed love, I reached out to my friends. And when things were mushy and a mess I journaled and worked through it with spirit. I'm definitely not an advocate of toxic positivity. I get in there and i get dirty. I designed my life.
I take responsibility. I asked for help. I value community. I exert love and will I live in flow and I also make adjustments. When things aren't working according to plan. And I remember that I am magic. And I am also human. I would like to thank you wildly from the bottom of my heart, for everybody that listened to this podcast. It means the world to me. To fill your support and. Just know that you're out there listening.
And if you feel so inclined to go ahead and leave a review on apple podcasts or Stitcher, wherever you listen. And I have a bonus fun fact for you. Redwood trees can grow for 3000 years and can regenerate after fire, lightning strikes or pretty much anything else, as long as they're still solidly standing. There are completely hollow and healthy Redwood trees and they are spectacular.
This episode was all me, Meena Melissa Leigh, and the beautiful music is called Snake River and it is by Siren And The Sea. Thanks so much. Talk to you soon. Bye.