Hello.
My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yor the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through.
As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
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She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast Millennials who Want Financial Freedom. My name is Jessica Ricky and as always I have the wonderful Beck Sayer joining me today because it is Friday, and today we are going to celebrate you, the incredible She's on the Money community. Today we'll be sharing some of our favorite money wins.
We'll be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about where the pocket money is a good idea for kids, and we're going to unpack something that you slid into our DMS about which this week is all about managing gift giving expectations with your nieces.
Yeah.
Beck, Yes, the vibe in the room's different.
It is.
It feels like there's again. I think I'm seeing double but I don't know. Tell me what. I'm also extremely drunk, but.
Maybe we all are.
Maddie, Jay and Ashwicks welcome individually or both many things, but together you make two doting dads. Thank you so much for joining us. Tell us a little bit more about the pod.
Well, I just want to stop you right there, thank you for having me. And before you start thanking us, I am many things. I would hold off giving us any type of applause until the end of the episode because I don't know. We're not very not very very dumb appropriate work just to manage everyone's expectations. I don't know where I am. I got lost.
I was walking on the street and someone was like, through this door, sir, and here I'm sitting down here and now I'm talking to Yeah.
We actually weren't meant to be talking to you guys, So thanks so much for coming back the studio.
That's fine. Two doting dads.
Is a podcast about the trials and tribulations of parenting.
It's the good, the bad, and the relatable.
Yeah, it's not meant to be. Well, the last thing you wanted to do was offer any type of advice, because I think there's enough people out there trying to offer advice to parents, and I think every kid is so different that I think the point the parents really need is just to know that there's others out there who were struggling just as much as they are shed pain. I think, yeah, we wanted to.
Create an environment where everyone's just doing the best they can.
It's a safe, safe place. I think the most common bit of feedback we get is that it's just refreshing to hear other parents struggling.
Have a shit time. It's a bit ship it is.
But also we love our kids, yeah so much.
He really summed up my thoughts on children in general.
Is we always say they're like owning drunk people. That's like our that's irrational. They love you sometimes and then they just lose it for no reason.
That's fun. You're really selling it. Can a non dad listen, but.
Absolutely we actually know. We thought we'd be a really blokey podcast. And then we ended up having more like we're more mums. Yeah, and I think we're lucky in that.
Men.
The bar is so low.
Agreed, Agreed, and so well, let'sten all collectively agree.
We can talk about us stuff ups with just like a total lack of fear of judgment.
Because they're all stuff ups. Yeah, not a lot, Like, there's not a lot we're doing. We're bumbling our way through most of it.
As all parents, it doesn't matter how amazing you are as a parent. Every day there's some type of stuff up that you have to deal with because, as Ash said, they're drunk little people. Yeah, and so yeah, mums have kind of come to us and said, oh, it's just really refreshing to hear myself and my story reflected back in your content.
But we have people that aren't parents that listen.
Do we have a thing against pet parents, But that's a story for another day, but we do. I have met people that are like, I don't have kids, but I like listening to you. So's wrong with you?
Guys?
Yeah, there's so much house out there.
Take the win where you can get them. For sure, I'm not a parent, but I am going to be a listener from this point onward.
Okay, perfect, that's one more.
Okay, I feel like, let's sure I'm strange to money wins. I think so.
Well, there's some goodies this week. So first, they've got a money win from Maggie, who said, I've been eyeing up some mid century dining tables for some time, and most of them sit around the eight hundred dollar mark. I found someone Facebook marketplace that we're in immaculate condition for one hundred bucks, hired at from Carshier for fifty bucks to collect it, and made it at total of one hundred and fifty dollars for a six to eight CE. She's put in a photo. We love a photo, lovely
Facebook thread. Very mid century and I don't know if anybody else loves them in century style. But she's absolutely right that stuff is so expensive. It's absolutely insane. So well done, Maggie.
Until you sit on it and it falls to pe.
A couple of screws or something. It's decoration, no sitting allow.
Yeah.
Next, I've got a money win from Jamie. It's short but sweet, but she said, money win. My mortgage is going to be paid off this Friday.
Oh my god. Well, done, Jay.
Very nice, exciting flex.
I'm interested to know what you're going to do with the money.
Now do that?
Also?
How old is she? When is by a first house?
We're going to be a whole lod of follow up questions to get out of money.
That's a very good effort.
I'm happy for it, but I'm also like.
A, well, I'm just going to go home and pay my rent.
Seriously amazing.
Next, I've got money in from Georgie who said win that I think Victoria and all of my fellow green thumbs will appreciate. I bought a plant to add some greenery to our apartment. When repotting it, I noticed it was actually three separate plans in the one pot. So now I've got three plans for the price of one.
Oh, Laura, Laura would absolutely lose her mind.
That It's like when you go shopping with your toddler and you walk out and you haven't realized they've taken me.
Shney. He usually the chocolates are the perfect don't steal that, watch don't take.
Friends are great for that.
Next, we've got money in from Gina who said I've got a small money in my uber on Friday, was more expensive than I was quoted because of traffic. I contested it through the app and I got a refund.
Whole thing. Didn't even know you could do it.
Special love to complain about Uber stuff his personality. He goes, sorry, it's actually it's actually a credit to it.
Actually, can I have a money win? Can I jump in really quickly?
Please?
Okay, Ash is right. I do like to complain, but for the right reasons. The right reasons, like if I get the wrong order, I'll be like, hey, I didn't order that. Last night. I got some tie delivered right delicious and it arrived. It was a salmon stir fry immediately. No, yeah, first problem.
Okay, that's what you're ordering from the Thai restaurants to the rows out.
Different strokes for different folks.
I'm sure there's people out there who like, we need to stay strong, stay together. I took the lid off, and straight away Laura was like, oh, what is that. That's chicken. That is fishy. It was, and I smelled it and I was like, oh, that's definitely that's not quite right. And I tasted it and I was like, oh, it's not quite there. It's on the turn it's on the brink. Yeah, I ate half of it, right, Oh, so I got I got somewhat of a meal. I then complained because I said it was off, and then
I got it free. You got it refunded. So I got a free half meal.
That's really really good and.
I didn't have diarrhea today. I'm not sick.
Money when money when it can take some time, it can take some time. You need to run out any point, that's.
The money win, right, Yeah, I got one off the back of that.
We were in Brisbane, ordered the kid's pizza to the hotel was saying it and it said that it had turned up and it didn't, so I immediately went for the refund. Twenty minutes later pizza turned up.
Money win.
How long did you money?
When I got it refunded. But then also because I had uber cash, got dinner last night.
Free double win?
Wow?
Right girl math winning over here?
These are all.
It was really confident.
That so much of the day.
Oh it's actually door dash amazing.
Well, I feel like that. Let's wrap it up there and head into broake tips. I feel bad. I think you've got a goodie for us, right, Okay, I do. Unfortunately it's not uber, it's related. Is that Okay? That like allowed off seam. Yeah, it's off se I'm really going rogue you guys. Okay, So as always we do have broke tips. Now Ash and Maddie Jay have come with their own, so I'm just going to read out
one for the day. So this one comes from Maddie who says, refill spray and white bottles with water when they get down to half way, which I have a great idea because they really are a little bit too condensed at the start. So I do that with body wash, yes, body wash, shampoo, anything, because you don't like it's still all in there. You know, when you're saving a lot of not just money, but also you're saving the planet.
I've got a conspiracy theory if i can just jump in for one second. Someone said that in other Scooper for the powder for your washing the clothes. They were like, that's actually that line they put on the Scooper to say how much you need for a full load. That they're lying to us. They're saying you actually only need half of that, but they put the line way above because they want to encourage you to use more. You have to buy more so, I only wash with half a scoop.
Dirty dogs those shops, dude.
My wife goes through so much laundry powder sometimes I think she's just doing washers for the sake of it.
Doesn't want to get out over the routine.
Now that she's like, can you hang the wash up? Opened up? There's a pillowcase. Broke tip?
Yeah, yeah, yeah over consumers that broad tip. Okay, what are your broke tips?
You go first? You want me to go go first? I've got one. I've got one. It's like how to save money, and I've just figured this out because I've done it. Now popular subscription service costs quite a little bit per month. However, I was recently told about a specific sports team that you can actually buy a membership from and get this subscription for free for twelve months now of the streaming service. The streaming service as well as the membership. Now I'm a member of this particular
sports team. Now, don't support them, but it is one off payment of two hundred and fifty dollars, which is far less.
Than a full years worth of subscription of this dream. Also, are there any other benefits from being a member of this sport?
I can go to the games for the whole year for free Western Sydney.
Yeah, because I'm a member from an entry level member.
Really saving actually quite a lot of money.
I've got a lanyard and everything.
There you go and now when someone asks who your teen is, you can go. You know how Bloody loves y.
Yes, I won't throw the subscription service under the bus.
I don't want them to find.
Out that's mine. That's it's actually quite a significant amount of savings.
Yeah, that's actually really good.
We're gonna have to give tell us off the air and if anyone wants to know, we'll slide to a DM because I just know that people are going to ask.
I have a feeling anyway. Sorry, I won't get into it, but I can't.
Say anymore much.
Want to get holder.
Of every sports team in Sydney.
Okay, what's yours?
My saving tip is what comes from my mom. And for those who may not be aware, I'm one of five kids. We were raised by a single parent, my mom queen. So she's a teacher, not a big salary, so you know we were We watched every dollar.
She makes up for an impersonality.
She does she does, but from a very young age, she used to just on a Sunday she would do these really big cookups. We would then live off that meal for bloody ages. We have our freezing to just be foot chock full of his frozen dishes. And the two that she would always go for spaghetti bolonnaise and lasagna, Oh my god.
Yeah.
And also because it was fishing to cook right yeah yeah, and they would have chili coon cahne. It's mints killing me. But but now that we're all adults and we're all you know, financially secure at this point, mom still has the same mentality to save money. So recently we went on a holiday to rock Hampton, all of the family together. It was my younger brother's birthday. And you know, rock Hampton has supermarkets, it has restaurants, everything that we would have.
But there was a lot of us there, a lot of kids, and my mom thought that the best thing to do, not knowing what type of kitchen we would have in the holiday house, she did a big cook up and she in one bag that she checked in on the flight. It was full of frozen lasagna and spaghetti bolonnaise on the flight. Whenever we go on a holiday. My mom will bring with her enough food so we don't have to eat out at all.
You don't have a heart to say, mum, that's kind of the point of the holidays.
I was like, come on, this is ridiculous, Mum, Like, we don't need we don't need to bring it along. And on this particular flight, they lost our luggage. It was a morning flight, not many flights out to Rockhampton, so we didn't get the bags back until like eleven o'clock that evening. And if he thought, I was like, we're not going to we just will throw out the food because it's you know, it's surely it's not good to eat anyway. We all ate it a ton of money.
It would have been just right by the time you got it. We're so ready to by that point nothing. That's a great, great, great broke tip. Actually, it's a good story that I've heard.
I've heard bits of that.
Story before and it's I love that story.
If you had kids that do that thing where they only eat one meal, that would be like your saving grace. Like if you had a kid who's like, all I want is.
Nothing is ideal, eating nothing is better.
So hard to get your kids to eat, you know, Like, so we were away right and I got a steak and my youngest Macy, was like, I want some. I was like, okay, cool sounds loved it, made stake at home. Didn't want to bar it for that environment. You guys, Micheline star chef.
I wouldn't have thought that you're not I mean anyway Michelin Star chef.
Given the bear sort of Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely chef.
So this is off the so off the back of our podcast, we joke about something that I have done since having children is that I've never thrown well, hang on.
It's hard to know if this is genius or sad.
This is people to decide.
Yeah, now I feel like it's sad. It is sad for them, not for me. I'm enjoying it. It's now a sport for me. This I go every year just with one goal. Okay, so since having kids, I have never thrown them a birthday party?
How are your kids?
Either of them? Five?
And okay, five is pushing you luck.
I'm deep in it. I'm deeping it now. But like I said, it's an Olympic sport for me now. So the reason I don't do that and how I get around it is I take my kids to other people's birthday parties and tell them it's their party as well. And it's gotten to the point where I have my daughter who's two, and one of my really good friends has a son who's born on the same day but a year later, so he's one.
So we recently went.
To his first birthday, and it's such an ongoing joke amongst my friends and us on the podcast that midway through the Happy Birthday where they went happy birth to bo, I just threw out there and May and then they whipped out another cake. Oh, and I sung Macy Happy Birthday. And I success because it was in November. I successfully had got through another year of not throwing my kid's a birthday party, hence saving me all the money and stress. Yes, I'm throwing a birthday are very expensive.
I wouldn't know.
You would get to a point where you're inviting her friends to other people's birthday. Now that's going to be that.
I'm just going to make sure she's friends with everyone.
Well, most those birthday parties are in parks, aren't they. You just turn up, so it's not it's easy to invite other games.
As long as it's a round about the right month. If I get a birthday, invite a round about. Yeah it's Oscar had about twelve birthdays last year. Spoil, he's about to start work. Yeah, I honestly haven't spent a sen on birthdays.
Birthdays are expensive for kids. There you go, that's a good little brute tip for here. I don't know how many people are going to take you up on that, but.
Those parents that are expecting start early.
Yes, plan the due date around someone else's or we could actually do that for ourselves. I might do that this year with one of my friends. I'm going to do that.
Well, let's go to a really quick break, and when we come back, we are going to chat more about kids. We're going to talk about where the pocket money is a good idea, and we're also going to chat about managing expectations with children that maybe aren't your own. So don't go anywhere.
Welcome back everyone. Here's our money dilemma.
Hi, there, have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hi, guys, wanted to write him with a bit of dilemma I'm having at the moment. So my hobby and I we've got a bit of opposing views on pocket.
Money for our eleven year old son.
So up until now, he's been you know, generally really sweet and have for kid, always cleans up his room and helps out with really basic things. You know, when I ask him to do something, he does it, and of course we give him when you know, what he wants when he needs money, so a little tree, going to the movie, something like that. I'm pretty keen for this to continue. My thought being that it's important that he's expected to help with household chores and not you know,
you don't specifically get money for those tasks. It's something that you should contribute to the household. However, my husband wants to up the chores, so make him do more and give him a certain amount of money, as he thinks this will teach him kind of a better value for money and hard work. And we're at a bit of an impasse, and I was just wondering what you all think.
You know, what's really excited to me is having people who are actually parents here because we have answered questions about kids in the past, and neither of us I mean, just the disease. Maybe the perspective is a little bit different.
I mean, our kids are much younger, but we mine are like they're at the age where it's like, he's a good example for my son. He was so scared or not scared. He just didn't want to cut his hair. So I said, you cut your hair, you'll get rewarded with something. So now what he does is he's like, I need a headcut to be rewarded. I think she says there, she's like, he wants to up the chores.
Yep.
I don't see if he wants to up it. I think the kids should be compensated.
We're all about people being paid for the work that they do here on this podcast.
Happy if she's already happy with him doing those those low lying activities, the ship kicker activities, and then he's like, well.
I want him to do more important work.
At least you get paid for it.
Plow the plow the field or whatever.
I kind of agree with you. I do think as well that she's got this unicorn child.
Oh ye.
First of all, congratulations on winning a lottery write book the best kid, Yeah, because that does not happen often. I grew up having to have like a star chart,
and so we had we had certain jobs. There was one that we had a little plastic bag and we had to fill it with weeds, and then, you know, a certain number of stars would then get you something that you wanted at the end of the week, and that then progressed when we were older, going into you know, like year seven, year eight, we would get an amount of pocket money.
Was part of the cartel.
Whipping. It's just like his bag full of weise. We definitely ask kids we needed to have some type of incentive to get those jobs done, the shitty ones like the cleaning the toilet, doing the gardening, washing the car, things that we didn't really enjoy. And it was good for me because it taught me, you know, you had to if you want something, you got to put in the effort. You've got to get the work done a
bit of discipline. But then also eventually, when I was in my early teens, I could then start saving for money and I understood like how to use money and yeah, so it was a good foundation for me. But I do think the risk is if you've got a kid who's already doing the work happily, like don't rock the boat.
Yeah, I think on the work, they kind of answer their own question by adding their like, he wants them to do more than you get compensated. So the things that he's doing for free, they're still free chores.
But the kid, the kid doesn't want to be compensated. The dad saying you should be compensated. The kid's not complaining work. The kid until he starts to understand take an advantage, he's exactly yeah.
Then it's like, then he's just going to be bitter. He's going to start a union.
He's not.
He's going to start a union. He's like a robot. Think of it.
Think of the knock on effects. It's going to start a union. It's going to get his buddies over and they're going to rally out the front.
I disagree, protest, get a pick it going. At some point I think at some point asking for better conditions. It's good, and it's good. It's good to have some type of monetary exchange.
Yeah, I think so. I think so they can learn the value of money. That much that is, that's up to them. How much money they've got, I don't know.
Look, if he.
Doesn't want to do the work money, If he doesn't want to do the work, I'll do it.
We could all use the extra cash.
Do I get pocket money? I can't remember.
See there you go, remember, don't give them any money?
Say that I would have. Yeah, I don't remember anything any specifics.
Actually, yeah, my sister got paid for making the school lunches.
She's older.
Her lunches were ship.
Paid those capo dogs. So I think, I just I don't know. Like obviously we don't have children together or separately.
Would you pay a small child to come to your house and do work?
Yeah, I would. But I think also there are other ways that you can be like as you were saying, like with the star chart and stuff, there are otherwise you can feel like you've achieved something by doing these small things. So I think that, like, you know, rewarding your child in other ways, and if you're already kind of like getting everything he needs if you if you need to go to the movies or not needs to go to the movies. If you want to go to movies,
you give him money for it. You know, things like that. It's like, you know, there's already this kind of like really nice dynamic that you've got going on. I don't think it's necessary, but it's a different story. If you are wanting to start teaching financial literacy, and if that's what you are want to do eventually, that's what you want to do. Now you think that he's in a he has capacity to understand that right now, then go ahead.
If not, I think it's fine to just kind of like, because chores are expected, you're going to have to do chorores the rest of your life. Yeah. So I don't know, but that's just me. I don't have a single child, So.
No, I as a as a pet parent, she was attacked. No, I agree. I think that the important thing is is as an adult, I think you can really tell the difference between people who had to work for things as a child and people who didn't. Like I think it's really obvious as you get older, the people who learned those lessons and actually have to work for things versus the people who maybe were in more affluent situations or their parents were a bit more cruisy and happy to
just let them do as they did. I think it really ultimately raises two different types of people. And as you were saying, like, you come to a point in life where unfortunately we all have to work for a living, and so I think getting them to earn them pocket money sets them up to understand the way that the
world works. Like in addition to the financial literacy benefits, I think it really teaches you like there are shit jobs, like sometimes you don't want to turn up and do what you have to do, but you got to do it, and so I think it really teaches those skills in addition to as you were saying, like understanding that, you know, the exchange between doing a job and earning money and the concept of saving that money up to purchase something
like those are all really good lessons. But I think more than anything it helps I mean, I don't have a kid, so I can't say, but having observed people as adults, I think the people who didn't necessarily have to work for things are often not as well adjusted or as well equipped for the things that they have to do later in life.
Yeah, personal perspective.
I mean you can tell you it's the ones that didn't have to do anything with you, just like that guy. Yeah, one the ones that don't bring frozen lasagna on holiday.
Resilient, like I'm just going to buy fresh lazagna.
That sounds.
Yeah. So I think like it's and it's hard if you and your husband, it's ultimately it's your kid and you guys have to come to an agreement. Maybe there's a middle ground where maybe it starts off as an optional. Hey, if you want some extra money to spend, you know, we cover all the things that you need, We cover what we've been doing. If you want a bit of extra cash, you can earn that by doing a chore and maybe you kind of can introduce it that way and transition over see how it goes.
But I do like to teach them worth work ethic because they can start like fifteen hour he's eleven.
Yeah, a few more years and he's going to be in the trenches.
Yeah, it's going to be working at Red Rooster. McDonald's absolutely triggering to think. I don't know, but I totally agree. I think not to be a little monotonous, but I do want to talk about kids a bit more.
While we've got the experts in.
The room, I think you could never ask, might as well take advantag So let's get into this week's juicy DM, which actually caused some conversation at our family dinner this week. Oh so, our listener said, I'm an auntie to two beautiful nieces, but they are spoilt rotten by my brother and his wife. The girls are twelve and ten and are getting really obsessed with materialistic things, and I see
a real pattern of excessive spending in the girls. The other day, I took the girls to a movie and to the shops, where they insisted on going into their favorite shop, Mecca. They both found items that were over one hundred dollars and expected me to purchase them for them.
When I told them that that would not be happening, they had massive tantrums and got very upset with me, saying Mum or Dad would never say no. I'm worried my brother isn't teaching the girls good values around money, and so my question is can I say something to them or is it really not my place to tell them how to parent? Will they get defensive and be offended?
It is their kids, after all, But I'm worried that they haven't realized the lessons they're teaching the girls around money, and they might need someone to give them a bit of a reality check.
So yeah, I think, like, look, cland none of your business as well. Like, but also you don't want to if you set the expectation what it's going to be like with you, that's fine, but you can't really like, you can't really go and tell your sister or your brother sorry, how to parent that.
Well, it depends on the relationship that you have, Like I guess there could be a situation where they could be very responsive to getting that type of feedback, But you would assume based on how I am, based on how you are. Most parents out there, taking any type of criticism from a family member is always going to end badly.
Yeah, nine times out of ten, Like as much as you can try and sugarcoat it, like, how are you supposed to say your kids are spoiled?
Little shit? Yeah? How you're supposed to say that?
Likely?
I agree with her concerns. I think, Oh, there's no question that she is likely going to be these children are going to grow up to being title little brats. Yeah, but like, also what sort of person is that is the auntie as well?
If it's like what, like her value is obviously very different to her brothers.
How is their upbringing any different?
Or is she just on a high horse or I don't know, well, I think but I or she no child? Is she going to Mecca? Hang? I don't think any child should go to Mecca. It doesn't matter how you've been brought up. Shouldn't be getting a hundred bucks off the back of anything not saying I think like as a as a benchmark rule, like I don't agree with it, but unfortunately that's not enough to warrant you know, you stepping in and being like you're being I don't agree with your.
Shit too, because all their friends could be getting Mecca and they were like, well mom and dad aren't here, let's try and bum steer out.
You don't know, but.
I think like it's not worth risking the relationship with the rest of the family when they need to work it out on their own.
They need to work out that their kids are spoiled little shit on their own, as like as long as those kids are happy and healthy and well fed. Unfortunately you can't.
It's kind of like the rule you say, everything right, as long as the kids are happy and healthy and welfare, which is true. I mean, I don't know these people personally, so I would say, yeah, like I agree with you if they're happy and healthy, but also maybe just butt out a bit.
Yeah.
What came up at the dinner table with my sister in law, who hilariously I have two nieces, and what she brought up was the fact that often at that age they test the boundary. So it could very well be that mum and dad wouldn't spend the money at Mecca or wouldn't do that, but the girls are just trying it on to see. Oh well, maybe be said, maybe the auntie is gonna be like, oh else, that's
what mum and dad will do. By all means, yeah, as someone who doesn't have kids, and maybe it's not my place to say, but I do think it's worth maybe gently raising the conversation or raising your concerns, even just sharing the story of what happened exactly.
I think it's a manipulators too, Yeah, I mean Marley and Lola that we've had before with the babysitters called us up and said Marley said that she's allowed to have a full block of chocolate.
I'm like, what, no.
Chance, and Mary is like, oh sorry, Mi'm st sorry.
I didn't think should actually call me out on that.
So I almost think maybe it's worth even just letting your brother know, your sister in law know the story of what happens, like, hey, we want to be this happened, you know, wasn't sure what to do because, to be honest, if my nieces did that to me, like especially if they started to get a bit towy in the store, I'd have a little meltdown, like I wouldn't know what to do, right, Like I don't have kids, you know what I mean, Like I would be embarrassed, and I
would just be like, okay, like whatever you want, let's get out of here, like let's get done, and so like I can I almost feel like sharing the perspective of saying, hey, like if I'm going to take the girls out or if I'm going to do whatever, like that's not really something that can happen because I'm not equipped to handle it or I'm not prepared to spend that, Like, I think there's something in it.
You could tell the story like, yeah, like that happened with that in a non judge way.
Yeah, look, I would agree with that.
I suppose just to see you could gauge what the reaction would be before you start to.
Read the room a little bit.
Yes, I think you can flag it without necessarily coming in and being like, hey, your girls are little shits and they're really entitled and blah blah. Like I think you could just maybe bring it up and have the conversation and see what happens from there. Because they also think it's very valid for you to not want to spend that money. And if you're like me and you're not sure what to do in that situation, I can see how that would be kind of hard to handle.
Absolutely. I also think too, like, no one really needs to worry too much. Like I totally get that, like people's upbrings and stuff like really shape who they are as a person when they go into adult life. But a lot of our like the way that we are and a lot of things we learn it does happen in our lady years. So I have friends who have like kind of grown up like this, well, they probably like, I don't even I only literally just learn what the word mecca is personally. But I'm like, and you can
kind of tell. But some people grew up in you know, really really affluent affluent is the world affluent house I did almost say it. They kind of you know, grow up in these really affluent households, and they don't really you know, I can kind of see the difference, but only slightly now because people once you like, start mingling with other people from different walks of life and different
experiences and different everything too. That's when you start kind of like your own like identity and where you are in the world and where you're placed in the world kind of like is shaped. So I think that even if that right now they're spoilt, I think that when they grow up and they start mingling with different people, different social groups, meeting people that they really get along with but maybe grew up poor and like just kind of being like, their eyes will be open to like
other experiences. And I feel like, you don't e worry too much about how they are as children, because yeah, they could be manipulating her, they could be anything, but we all kind of our formative years. This is not backed by science. I don't know when the formative years are, but I feel like socially and all of these things, it's kind of like, you know, yeah, you know, late teens, early twenties when we start really meaning different types of
people from different walks of life. So I think that don't swear it yet. What does the community have to say.
I'll do a really quick whip around because as all ways, we asked you guys, what you think on Instagram? If you want to join us, you can find us at ches and the money aus. So firstly we said do you think this person should say something? Sixty one percent said yes, they have good intentions, and thirty nine percent said no, it's not their place to tell them how to parent. Then we said, if you said yes, have you got any advice on how to bring it up?
And so we had a few kind of very different perspectives. Some people said you should be able to discuss these things with close family and some people said you absolutely should not touch that with a ten foot pole if you want to keep a good relationship. So there's very differing perspectives on that one, and I guess it really comes down to what your relationship with your family is
have you spoken about these things before? One person said a really good, I think example of what to say, and she said, discuss the tantrum that the girls had in response to the word no, Rather than making it about the money and the other stuff, talk about the behavior and what your experience with that was, which I think is pretty valid and kind of going back to
what we were saying before. Then we asked, if you are a parent, what are some of the main values or lessons that you tried to teach your kids around money. One person said how you earn it and how important
it is to save. Another person said that you need to work for what you want, and somebody else said that money needs to be earned and should be spent, but it needs to be spent based on our needs and our values before our once, which I think is really relevant, particularly to the idea of a twelve year old dropping one hundred dollars in Mecca. And then lastly we said tell us your two cents. Somebody said it
takes a village to raise a child. You can help to teach them values too, which I thought was a really nice take. It could be hard, maybe if your values conflict, and I'd be interested to know what you guys think as parents like that in regards to that.
Yeah, like I suppose her value.
Well, again, we don't know if thin the kids were manipulative or whatever, but like I know, like my sister and my parenting styles are very different. And look, some of the things she does say I would agree with and I could do better, But some things I don't agree with and I don't think.
That they work. But like, you've got.
To try and find some common grounds somewhere because everyone's going to be different. Every kid's going to be different, so it does take a village. And like sometimes, like I said, you take bits of advice from those around you, but some you don't agree with it all and you sort of just push it aside and try and do what's best for you.
Yeah, totally relevant.
Somebody said, my mum always said yes to me when I was a child, and then when I got older, I really struggled to save and to not shop. So it's an interesting look at me needing impact for the flow and effects that that can have. Somebody else said that kids can be fully want want want because of social media and marketing, which I think is something that
I've really seen, like again with the mecha thing. My nieces are a little bit younger than this listeners that they talk about wanting drunk elephant skincare and stuff that you.
Go, I don't have that.
As someone who's nearly thirty, it's crazy to me that you think that you need that. Do you guys see that with your kids at all? Them kind of mirroring They're quite young, aren't they?
So maybe not much yea Marley's five. I mean, it's crazy when she watches YouTube and she'll be watching Gabby's Dollhouse and then after an episode there's an advert for to buy a Gabby Dollhouse toy, and you know it just that little ecosystem is so crazy, so well designed to make them want more and more and more. It is it's hard work as a parent to always say no, yeah.
I find like throwing them off the scent is better, Like you'd be like, yeah, maybe like for your birthday next year, not let he gets a birthday, but you know, like you know, if you're a really good boy, or for Christmas.
It was like, look, if you a really good boy, you're right.
To sounding you're telling what you really want then you know, maybe, but you're also going to look at you know, giving to others and shit like that. Yeah, you try and move instead of just being like no, you know yeah, YouTube is like bit shit.
Yeah. When that person was talking about it takes a village to raise a child, absolutely agree, But at the same time, I think the rules and the standards are very much enforced by the parents, other family members and friends. They then follow suit. So it's really bloody hard if you disagree at its core with how the parents are raising that child. So that's where it's it's like you hope that you would all be on the same page.
I mean, I'm very much sometimes I have to tell other family members don't come over with a toy each time, like my brothers for example, that are in a different state, so whenever they arrive, they bring a toy with them, even if it's not a birthday or a Christmas present. I'm trying to build resilience into my children. I'm very much like, stop with the gifts in the presence.
You don't want to say, do you know what?
The kids having this expectation is that you see that person automatically get something, They're going to back you up, because ultimately they're your kid, right Yeah, I think like, yeah, in that person who's like got the dilemma, it might be worth just saying, hey, I didn't know how to deal with this, how would you deal with it? Just see what the reaction is instead of going your parenting them wrong.
Yeah, if you disagree, punch them out.
Amazing.
I feel like that's a really good place to leave. I think, yeah, ultimately, work with the parent, not against them. It's not your kid at the end of the day. And if they do raise someone who's not in line with your morals, they're not your child, and so exactly, you know, your circus, not your mom showing forever and ever and ever. Thank you so much for joining us. If people do want to hear more of you, where can they find you? Where can they listen? What can they watch.
Two Doting Dads wherever you get your podcasts from. We're also on socials, We're at two Doting Dads on Instagram, TikTok. We also have a Facebook group and I'm just going to confirm the Two Doting Dads on Facebook. YouTube is the You can also find us on you very good at what we do the two doting dads and we have a Facebook group as well, so we're bloody everywhere we are.
Candave incredible, Well, thank you so much for joinings.
Was really called it at a fresh perspective.
Love having an actual parent here to comment on parenting phenomenal. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. Victoria will see you bright early for Money Diary on Monday. Have a great weekend.
Bye guys.
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