Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Let's get into it.
She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Hello, and welcome to She's on the the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, guys, it is Friday, which means it is time to get our little team together and celebrate you our incredible She's on the Money community today, Miss Gried. She is going to be sharing
with us some money wins. We're going to be helping answer a juicy money dilemma which this week is all about unexpected funeral costs, and we're going to be unpacking something that you slid into our DMS about this week. We're going to be having a chat about whether equity should be applied in friendships.
That made people angry. It made me so mad.
In our DMS, I was like, usually the like you know, community DM that we address on the pod is it's a little bit spicy. It's always like a little bit like, oh, you don't want to like publicly ask the question, so you slide into our DMS so that you can get kind of an anonymous response this one. But you're glad you slid into our DMS and the response you're anonymous because there are some people coming for it, like they were coming for us, and we just asked the question.
I didn't even say we had an opinion on it at this point.
Do you see? I'm so excited.
It was a lot, But I also feel like this week has been a lot. How's your week been back, what's you've been up to?
I really liked this week. Actually sorry, I had a bit of whiplash because you know, there's the weekend and then you go back to work and then there's another weekend. Yeah, there should be immediate it's a half weekend. Yeah, it's a half weekend immediately after you start working a public holidays on Mondays or Fridays only. I agree with that.
I agree with that that should be exactly. But I mean Anzac Day is really important. I mean it's important to me, so I think that we should celebrate it on the right day. But the government should be nice and just have given us Monday off as well, exactly.
I wouldn't hate that, honestly, because I think it's good.
It's good for morale. Our engagement would increase. We know what happens when people are engaged, they produce fifty percent higher shareholder return. In that government give us four days off?
Yeap? How could you say no?
Exactly? So what else did you do?
You had whiplash and had whiplash. On Tuesday? I saw our producer live and Alisa Live and Lisa she's actually going to be famous one day, like really famous. I think she's already famous definitely. Where you know, I'm from Brunswick area. Everyone knows it. Everyone knows she's got her own radio show.
Yeah, she's a big deal, a big deal, the biggest deal.
Yes, Brunswick. Without thinking of the garage party, like I just that's.
All we do there.
Do you know why they had the garage party because Analysa was playing no to celebrate Analisa. Yeah, when viral and Aalisa was playing there, didn't know.
She's a big deal.
We'll put a link to her stuff in our show notes this week so you can creep on her, because I just feel like everybody needs to know who she is. She's the person that if you go to as she's on the money event, you like, look across the room, woman in the pink Sparkley suit. Yep, that's Analisa. Yeah, you do want to meet her?
Beautiful, she's really hot.
It just my favorite part about this whole conversation is she's currently in the room.
And she's so uncomfortable.
It's amazing.
Take the love you deserve it. She's also a take and run a person, so we love this. Yeah, that's true, all right, I mean what can't you do?
So I don't know, there's not one thing that we've asked her to do that she hasn't done.
No, that's true.
Wild. Let me move on though, because she's she's suitably uncomfortable.
Suitably I just feel uncomfortable with her uncomfortable.
Yeah, it's great, miss Jessicricci. How's your week being.
It's been good.
Just a normal week for me this week, enjoying the sunshine and along popping along. I had a rental inspection this week. That's hot, yep, really fun. That's about us really they.
Say that they were tripling your rent because I feel like that's what's happening to everybody who has a rental inspection at the moment.
Oh, thankfully they can't envy.
Oh you're in the first twelve months of your lease as well.
Yes, so it's just to make sure we haven't ruined the place, which we haven't not yet, two thumbs up.
Not yet.
And they didn't find all the stuff you hed no, no yet studying all right. I want to know what's been going on with our community. Jess. What are the money wins and confessions that you've round up this week for us?
My first money win this week comes from Tanzen, who said money win. I desperately wanted to join in on the frank green water bottle trend, but I could not justify the price for myself until I was scrolling on Facebook Marketplace and saw a chick advertising the exact one for thirty five dollars brand new after she was gifted two for her birthday, I have officially joined the emotional support water bottle trend thirty five dollars.
It's a good deal.
I don't know how much do they cost?
Usually about sixty fifty nine ninety five.
Yeah, still a lot of money for a water bottle. Yeah. Kmart does a good dupe nine dollars, little SYSTEMA plastic water bottle.
Is nothing better than an insulated water bottle. I'll have to try it one day as a little bit of a water top. Update for those of you playing along at home, my Stanley drink bottle has arrived. I am in love with it. It is bigger than my head.
I am huge. The whole table.
It's peach, She's stunny. And jessic Ricci has bought me two, not one, but two drink mixes this week. She bought me the green Apple and the cherry flavored Jolly Rancher drink mix, which I think is just no no, And do you know what, I have absolutely no face that they're going to taste any good because they are one. I don't like cherry flavor, so apologies. Yes, but you know what, Jess, you knew that when you purchased that, didn't you?
I was like, gonna be good content, to be good content.
She wants me to. I feel like it's just going to taste like cough medicine and the green apple flavor. Very excited to try it, but they're sugar free and I do not enjoy artificial flavors Like I just artificial sweetener needs to get in the bin. I cannot get my head out after taste. Yeah, so we'll see, we'll see, but I will film that content because I love watertalk.
Very niche for anyone else who's on the same type of tiknok as you can't relate.
I keep sending videos of water talk to Jess. If this is making no sense to you, you don't want it to make sense to but I keep sending them to Jests so that she will also end up on watertok. It's kind of like ruining her feed from my side of the.
Ta her life.
Speaking of water, my next money is from Alisha, who said our washing machine wasn't working and it kept saying check the filter. Didn't even know the filter was empty. I was hesitant about calling someone to fix it, as I knew it would probably be expensive and I didn't know if I would need a plumber or an appliance technician. My partner was catching up with one of his mates who happens to be a plumber, so I made him
ask his mate for some tips. It was a simple fix and we now have a working washing machine for zero doll It's how good life win. My next one comes from Goji who said money win. Local Yoga was closed for renovations and they are now offering free unlimited classes for the first week and I will seven classes for free.
Oh my god, seven taking it to the nth degree.
I love that. You gotta respect it.
It's like when seven to eleven has those days where they say bring your own container and you can have as much slurpy as you.
Really used to love that as a kiddo, sor right.
Wild, but like, where's where's the line? Yeah, yeah, where's the line. I'll bring my Stanley cup. I feel like that's the line. That's a lot of.
Not big enough.
We did a mixing bowl once, me and my brother. We shared it to be fair, Oh.
We shared it.
Yeah.
I feel like I've seen people with those gallon water things, you know from like the water fountains, where they like tip it upside down and then just like ruin the environment with their fake filtered water. Like that's arguably a little bit irresponsible, but that's okay. But I've seen people take those and get that filled with slurpy.
Slurpy on tap. Could I do the dream, the absolute dream?
Maybe we should buy a slurpy machine for the offers. I would actually tip there are a lot of things that we want in this office that we probably shouldn't purchase.
Our office if we just let ourselves buy the things that we wanted, would look like it was designed by a six year old.
They'd be slides, swings, they'd be slurpy. It would just be ridiculous.
I'm not sorry for that.
I'm not even sorry.
I have no regrets, no regrets. My next money when came from Tina, who said, just found out that you can go to your local council, take your rates notice and get two free native trees. That's all the information that I have. I don't know if it's every local counselor please tease still on your.
Can you give us some more information, Tina?
But I thought that's a good tip, like jump on your local council website two free trees.
But also local count always have good stuff going on.
Yeah, they ever marketed. I've never I'd never hear about this.
They probably sometimes budget let's be honest.
That's fair.
Yeah, and I think it's changing. But a lot of government or local government teams generally are made up of more mature people and so they're not as tech savy a lot of the time. So they are market Like I see flyers and stuff. Sometimes that's not reaching the people that's got to reach, like stapled to the telephone pole. No one's looking at the help.
The telephone pole or the community noticeboard at coles. Yeah, like the one that you kind of like awkwardly glance at as you're going out of the self checked out.
Yeah, not all council people are old, but they should hire more young people. That's what I'm saying, one hundred percent. Moving right along, Please don't come for me. My next money when comes from Kim who said, sold my daughter's cot for the price of what it would have cost me to upgrade her to a single bit love a cost neutral upgrade. And I was like, I just love the term cost neutral cost. Right, we are taking that and running with it. This is this is where my
head went because you said don't hate me. But now realize that was in relation to your last comment. I just thought that Kim had sold her kids cop before her kid.
Was done with it.
Money.
We now my kids sleep's on the floor. Can you imagine, very monty sorrow, very fancy, very fancy. I'm on that side of TikTok.
Yeah, you're on every side of TikTok.
I live on TikTok.
Well that's okay, no judgment over here.
That's all why money wins for the week. So should we take a quick break so it can get a TikTok fixed?
She's shaking, She's literally.
Not even mad. Do you want to see this TikTok of this guy who dances and takes best off?
We don't have any choice, so let's do it. Welcome back, everybody. Let's jump into this week's money dilemma. Hi, there, have you got.
A money dilemma you just can't solve that. She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Hi, and She's on the Money. I have a money dilemma. Last year, my father sadly passed away and I needed to pay three thousand dollars of my savings a four costs involved with chromation and the funeral home. Now I am expected of my family to purchase a plot and headstone. And while I loved my father, I am not a higher earner and struggling with these unexpected costs. Does She's on the Money have any advice on how to pay for these unexpected costs and how to get any kind
of funding. I live in Australia and I am paying these costs in New Zealand and I'm wondering if I could even get some kind of a rebate, whither through its GST or a tax time.
Firstly, I just want to say I'm really sorry that you're going through this. That's a really tough thing to deal with it in and of itself, dealing with a loss with then having a financial burden on top of that, and I'm shocked at how much it costs to be cremated three thousand dollars.
Yeah, it's a lot.
I've never thought about the cost before now if I'm being honest.
Yeah, look, it's a lot of money, and I guess it makes sense when you think about it. In Australia and in New Zealand, it is like kind of a restricted thing. You can't just turn up and become cremated, Like there has to be a death certificate and a whole process behind it, right, I know because my mother actually worked in the death industry for a very long time.
Here in Australia are the total funeral costs of a traditional burial, This is just me reading from the Australian Bureau of Statistics website can average between seven thousand and fifteen thousand dollars, while here in Australia, a cremation can cost anywhere between three thousand and just seven thousand dollars. Obviously, these figures can go even higher depending on like your local cemetery fees and like regulations and stuff, because there
are different regulations that are involved. So these fees they usually cover what be deemed to be quote the essentials, so things like logistics, so you need to move the body from location to location. You can't just stick them in the cheapest uber that you get a death certificate, filing notices, permits, stuff like that. If you're looking for anything extravagant, like you want a nice casket, that's even
more money. You want to do viewings of your loved one, that is going to increase the amount that the funeral home charges you. If you want to do like some kind of special celebration or clergy or like a nice flower arrangement, that's way more money. Again, and flowers are very expensive even for funerals. You can actually expect to pay anywhere between like maybe three hundred and up to like five thousand dollars on florals for a four depending on obviously what you do and how you do it.
I know that in my family a lot of people have said if they've had like a death notice, they say, in little of flowers, can you donate to a particular charity? Which is nice, but you kind of like want it to look nice as well. I don't know, there's that mix of working you're.
Still celebrating somebody's life.
Yeah, So in most cases, the person who arranges the funeral, whether that's like a friend or a family member. They actually have to sign a contract directly with the funeral director and then that person is the person that's kind of in charge of all the payments, which is why our listener might have written in and said, hey, it seems to be all on me because she might have taken on the brunt of that responsibility. Let's assume she's not.
Maybe she's the only financially stable person in the family that has access to funds. That can be really, really hard. So it's important to know that there are actually a few things here in Australia, and I've done some research and understand that there are similar things in New Zealand as well. So what I'd be looking up for anyone
in their circumstance is bereavement assistance. So here in a stray bereavement assistance can either be like a non for profit organization or it can be through the government and they will help you with unexpected funeral costs. In New Zealand, the average funeral cost is actually ten thousand dollars, which is a lot of money, but they say only five percent of New Zealanders have what's called a pre planned funeral, So you can actually do that yourself at any point.
It's a very morbid concept, but I mean, if your death is going to be expected, it's something that a lot of people like doing because they feel like they've got control over that circumstance and it can actually be a really therapeutic process. It's not nice by any stretch of the imagination, but at any point you can actually go down to a funeral home and pre pay for your funeral as well as like kind of plan it out,
like you could do everything. You could do the bare minimum, which would be just paying for it, or you could go all the way through to or I want to look at the guest list. I want to have a look at you know, what songs you're going to play, what's my intro song, what's my outro song? Who's speaking?
Like?
You can plan literally everything if you wanted to.
So.
In New Zealand there are also bereavement services you can call upon if you find that you're not able to afford it. So I would be doing, honestly, because it changes based on either local, state or council regulations. I would be looking up just bereavement services in your area and seeing what type of support there is further to that.
I probably, given you're the one in your family who has been loaded with all of these costs, I would obviously, I don't think it changes whether you loved your dad or not. You said that in your voice note You're like, oh, I loved him, but no, no, we know you loved him. But it's actually really unrealistic and unreasonable to assume that you're the one individually that would bear the brunt of
all of this. I think going back and going Okay, well what does this look like, and maybe having a conversation with the people who are closest who are trying to help you plan that funeral and help you plan these services and the cremation and stuff, and going, hey, like, should I just be keeping track of this because there are a couple of things that could happen. So obviously when a death happens, not everything financial happens at exactly
the same time. What you can do is keep track of all of those costs and then get repaid by your father's estate. And so that would mean like if I spent you know, let's call it just ten thousand dollars, because that's the average cost of the new Zealand funeral. I pay ten thousand dollars, keep track of it, keep all your receipts and everything. And when your dad's estate is being you know, broken down and given out, before that happens, you get repaid that ten thousand dollars before
anybody else gets like an inheritance. So that could come from whatever savings your dad had, whatever KEYWI say that he had, whatever kind of assets he has, if you're planning on selling them or you know, liquidating them to cash, or maybe you even just do it in lieu of assets, maybe you get first choice. This all all have to be done through your solicitor or through you know, whoever is dealing with the family estate, but it can be repaid.
You will have to go through a process for that to make sure it all gets done properly, because you don't want some one coming back later and being like, oh my god, well Beck got ten thousand dollars more than me. Like, no, Beck was repaid the money that she spent for that process to happen, and that's actually really fair. You didn't get more, ye, because you just got repaid the money that you spent on that process.
So essentially that can happen. But obviously that can only happen if your dad does have an estate to share with you, and in the case that there is no estate that could pay it back. So in a state is just a fancy word for saying stuff that the person who passed away had, So that could be money or houses or literally any type of asset. If there's no money there to repay that, you could just have a good conversation with your family and go, hey, like,
I'm keeping track of this. So either the estate can pay it back and they might go, oh, well, just there's no estate, and they might come back and go, okay, well, maybe the family could help. Another way of doing this is to announce when the funeral is happening that you can actually contribute to the funeral costs. So you could say, you know, in lieu of flowers, we'd love a donation towards the funeral cost for XYZ, and that could go towards paying the costs. So I think there's a few
things that you could do. The first thing I would honestly do is look at bereavement services and make sure that you know if there's anything local to you that you could access. We do that I'd also be having a chat to the funeral home that you're working with, because if anyone's going to have experience in what you can access and what you can't, it's going to be them. And maybe they might even have a level of sympathy that you didn't expect them to have, and them I go, wow,
we didn't realize you're in this circumstance. Let's see what we can do to help. But I think just talking about it and just seeing how people can help you is probably the best thing that you can do because obviously I don't know where in New Zealand you are or how that works, but I guess, long story short, I'm really sorry that that's the circumstance and it does really suck. But unfortunately these things happen, and we should be having these conversations about, well, what does this mean?
How does this work? Like these things unfortunately happen every single week in our community, and if you don't know, you just don't know, and we need to have a conversation about Okay, well these are the first steps. Okay, Well make sure that you're in, you know, the best
possible position. This is why people should be doing their wills and making sure that things are planned out because I personally know that I wouldn't want my family members having to pay for my funeral because I hadn't planned it, Like I just I don't want to put my family in that position and then not have it on the other side. But most people don't think about this because it's awkward to think about death, right, Yeah, no one wants to have this conversation, and that's okay if you're
not ready. But I think it's it's something that we do need to plan for. But then also we need to talk about the flip side of that. Maybe we do a whole episode on this, because I think that there's a lot of unexpected costs in death that we don't talk about. But then also, what about all of the people that are currently being taken for a ride if they have funeral insurance? Like that to me makes
absolutely no sense. What do you mean funeral insurance? So the amount of times I have spoken to people and they're like, oh, we found out years later while going through mums stuff that she had funeral insurance, but we didn't know about that because the insurance company when she
passed away didn't step up didn't notify us. We had no information, it wasn't in her will, and they're not going to pay it out if it's already happened, right, And usually if you're getting funeral insurance, it might be because you're a little bit older and you want to look after your family and you're talked into this great policy. But from my perspective, there's only two things in life that are certain taxes and death. Why are we ensuring
for something that's guaranteed to happen. So, Like, we talk about insurance a lot on this podcast, and obviously I'm the biggest fan of income protection. I think it's the best insurance for me personally, right, I think everybody should be looking into whether they can get it or not. But when an insurer gives you an insurance policy, they're kind of hedging their bets. They're like, all right, beck, you got any pre existing conditions. You'll be like no,
I'm fit and healthy. I'm great, And then they go, yeah, all right, well we'll ensure you for X amount per month. They're hedging their bets that nothing's going to happen to you, because financially they're going to end up in the best possible financial position if nothing happens to be and then they might go, oh, yess, have you had anything happened
to you? And you might say, yeah, actually I rolled my ankle a heap of times at netball, and that's compromise, and they go, oh, jess, we're not going to cover your ankle. We're going to exclude that because we don't want the possibility of us having to pay you out to increase death is guaranteed. Why are we in this position where we are literally ensuring it in a way that it gets paid out as an insurance premium.
Right, just like put money aside for the funeral. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I feel like so many people get taken for a ride because they're trying to do the right thing and they get this beautiful policy and you know, covers up to fifteen thousand dollars. That makes them feel really good. But what the insurance policy is betting on this is really morbid. Is it's going to take you a really long time to die. That's what they're betting on. They are betting on the fact that all right, Beck, do you want to organize this funeral insurance? Okay, Well, it's
you know, x amount per month. They're hoping that you pay more in premiums before you die than what that actually dying exactly right. So I think it's something that we could all think about, and it's something that you know, emergency funds as you get older could be you know, allocated towards or making sure that you have cash aside. But there's a lot I have to say on the
death industry. You could say and how during times that people are most vulnerable, because our listener is vulnerable right now, right like she needs someone to grab her by the hand and be like, I've got you and I have your best interests at heart. But there are a lot of people out there that would take your hand and go, I've got your best interests at heart, and they really don't.
M So it's so sad, a terrible conversation to have, but it's one that genuinely as a community, we need to have these conversations more often because you could find yourself in a pickle. But there are lots of things, As I said, there are a few different bereavement services out there. Talk to your funeral home, talk to your family, and actually just have an open, honest monding conversation be like, this is putting a lot of financial pressure on me. Maybe they don't even know.
Well, I didn't know WoT you wouldn't know? Who know?
If you've never been through it. I'm so glad that you've never been through it. You've never been through it, and then you're going through it like how you meant to know?
Right? Yeah, exactly. I think it's really solid advice. I really do hope that she takes something out of that, and I really am sorry for your circumstances. We're sending you lots of love, lots of love.
To anyone going through circumstances like that. At the moment, it's just really trashy. It's not a good place to be. All right, Let's bring the mood up though, because that was a really good segment. But we have to change tunes completely because our dms got really lit up this week because a lot of people have a lot of things to say. So our community dilemma this week went like this, High Team, I'm battling extreme levels of jealousy that I haven't ever felt before. I'm really happy for
my housemate who's climbing the career ladder. Quite rapidly, which she absolutely deserves. She's gotten a twenty thousand dollars pay rise, and I'm so happy for her, but I can't help but feel so jealous. I'm still studying and I make
around thirty seven thousand dollars a year. She is now on a really good six figure salary, and I can't help but feel annoyed when she texts me saying it's my turn to buy toilet paper, et cetera, because she just makes so much more money than me, and I just think, why can't she help me out and buy it. I guess I'm just wondering does equity apply in friendships like it does in relationships? We did some polling, didn't we? We did do some polling. So the first pole question
we asked was what's your current living situation? Fifteen percent of you lucky ducks said you lived on your own. Jealous, fourteen percent of you said that you lived in a sharehouse. Sixty one percent of you you live with partners, and ten percent of you are other, which I assume maybe, like you know, random situations, live with parents.
Whatever.
The next question we asked you, guys, was if you live with a partner, does one of you earn a lot more than the other, and forty three percent of you said yes, my partner earns more than me. Thirty percent of you said yes, I earned more than my partner, and twenty seven percent said we're actually pretty even tbh. The next question we asked was, if you live in a share house, do you have a housemate that makes
a lot more money than you? Thirty one percent of you said yes, my housemate makes a lot more, thirty three percent said I'm the housemate that makes a lot more, thirty six percent said we are all on pretty even income.
That's pretty even split over response, I's pretty sure.
Yeah, that was like nice, little thirds.
I liked.
That made my little math's brain very happy. But guys, before we go to the community spicy responses, what are your thoughts.
I just I'm trying to be nice. I just don't know why.
I understand the jealousy absolutely, Like I can see how being in close proximity to someone that you perceive to be doing better than you absolutely can raise those feelings, and that's very normal. I think the thing to consider here is, though you're not that person's responsibility, and as much as your housemates and your friends, and yes, we want to look out for our friends. Ultimately, she is in that place because of the choices that she has made, and she's not a millionaire.
Like if you've got if you've got so much.
Money that spending money on things doesn't matter to you, you're probably not living with a housemate. So even though if you are, you're probably living some kind of sex in the city lifestyle that we want to know about it. Yeah, so I feel like, yes, potentially she's earning six figures, but does she have Hex's debt, does she have other debt? Is she saving for something that means her budget is really strict? I just I don't think it is reasonable
to make yourself somebody else's financial response. And yes, the cost of toilet paper is arguably negligible, but if you're using it equally, in my opinion, it should be split equally. The only time that is different is if you're with a partner, and in that situation, it's more about.
Parker's hot Is that what you mean?
It's more about joint finance's joint goals, and the money is pulled and shared, Whereas if you're living with a HOUSEMTE, you're operating I'm assuming independently financial and as human beings.
Yeah, that's where I feel like the big.
Difference is, Yeah, I can't fathom going you earn more than me and therefore you need to buy me things. Yeah, I do agree with that, even though I'm kind of oversimplifying it, do you know?
No, man, that's kind of it. Why can't you help me out? And like that's me reading into the tone of the message, I suppose, and I really shouldn't do that. But the idea that you think she owes you toilet paper, because you use that as an example, like, I've got my opinions and I'm actually gonna wait until Beck's there. But the idea that she owes you that makes you a blood boil.
Yeah, I think that's the thing. But it's I totally get it as well, Jess. Like, as you said, I know that feeling of feeling so like how are you there in your life? Yeah, I'm here, and you just feel really inadequate and really really crappy. So I completely
that feeling that on its own totally fine. If you're in a sharehouse and like let's say this person, you know they made it twenty thousand dollars pay rise, and now they're expected to up there I suppose like what they're contributing to the house, and like it's like the expenses have gone up and then their pay's gone up, and like they're kind of just breaking even, you know what I mean. I know that buying toilet paper isn't
gonna it's they're not gonna be breaking even there. But like if if you're expecting that of someone who's made a twenty k pay rise to then chip in way more for the house and chip in way more for like going out for drinks with mates and chipping in, Like where does where do you draw the line? He's just saying, like, oh, maybe they're like hounding me for you know, to buy toilet roll and things like that.
I get that that can be annoying, But where do you draw the line if they if you're saying they need to buy the they should buy the toilet roll if they if we're lacking, they should buy this. If we're lacking, Like, what are you expecting from them? You know, they've just they've done this really cool thing. They've got a huge pay rise, you know, just celebrate that and everything else should be exactly the same. Just split everything. Just split everything.
You're in a share house, yeah you share, that's it, Jump on beam it and just split everything.
I couldn't agree more. I feel like you guys that Like, I'm just going to basically reiterate everything that you said. The fact that you know about your housemate's salary increase, though, that's a privilege, not every You don't deserve to know about her financial circumstances. She was probably so excited to share that with you and was like, oh my gosh, v I got this pay rise and I'm so excited
about it. That didn't mean that she was telling you so she could afford to pay for more things for you. She's you know, excited about her journey. And you know we were saying before that, oh she did this really good thing. That doesn't mean you're not doing really good things. It just means you're on different journeys. Like maybe your time hasn't come to have that income yet because you're still at UNI. And I remember when I was at UNI. It's crazy. I was at Uni. I was earning a
fair bit because I was working so many hours. It's just like a retail job. But for a UNI student, I wasn't like super you know, living on rice and noodles all the time. I had enough money to buy, you know, the nicer groceries. But I lived with a housemate who was working full time, and at no point did I ever expect them to contribute more. Like it was just not the situation. It's just you pay for
your stuff. I'll pay for my stuff. We're housemates, and I guess it comes down to I've been asked similar questions historically, and I do not believe that you should have any level of financial dependency on someone that you're
not building a financial future with. Like if Jess moved in with me, I would expect her to pay the rent that we agreed to contribute equally to the household bills and if the household chores and whatever else is going on, whether I earned more or she earned more, I don't only think it matters because we entered into this agreement when Jess moved in with me. I'm not paying more of Jess's stuff, and vice versa. Just isn't paying more of my stuff because we don't have shared
big financial life goals. No, I'm not saving for a home with Jess. I'm not, you know, saving my emergency fund for Jess. I'm not doing those things. I'm doing that for me. And then I get in a relationship with Steve, that dynamic can change because now Steve and I are on the same life path just and I aren't. What happens if I, you know, like, let's slip it, Let's flip it, and I'm I'm really happy to pay
for Jess. Let's pretend that I'm the most generous person in the entire world and just moves in with me, and I go, oh, Jess, you don't know and as much as me, So I'm going to pay for everything. Is that creating a financially independent woman who needs no man don't have.
A power imbalance as well?
There's a massive power imbalance to that, Like, I'm I don't want to pay for your stuff because above and beyond the fact that it's not my responsibility. I'm not your parents, you're not in minor. That creates a power balance. What are you going to ever move out?
Jess?
You've probably got it too good. I just I feel like the toilet paper really grinds my gears as well, because that's an equal use, basic necessity of a household, right, like you should be paying for that. But that's where I draw the line, Like sharing expenses fine, but if you're more wealthy, housemate comes home and says, oh, Yess, I want to get Uber eats Friday night, had the biggest week at work, and you know, I can't really afford it, and they still really want to do it.
I think that's their expense. I don't mean that, oh, you shouldn't be contributing to it, but if they want to go do an activity and I go, no, Jess, I really want to do it with you. I think that your housemates should be paying for that experience if it's not in your budget and you've been clear about what that looks like and how that works, because that's not fair, Like that's not fair to then be like, oh,
I want Jess to match my lifestyle. Ye when she doesn't have that income to support that lifestyle, I think then you know, maybe go hang out with your friends who can afford ubreats if you want to split it equally. But you know, I love hanging out with somebody who isn't on the stay. I will pay for that experience and I think that that can extend to housemates, Like if they were arguing that they need the most expensive toilet paper.
Yeah, I'm just gonna say that's the upgrading of products. Like if you're like, I just want home brand one ply, I don't care sandpaper, but toilet paper. It's in my budget and that's fine, and their friends like I want the gold rimmed, yeah, hand woven toilet paper, then you're okay, that's a different story.
Yeah, exactly, Like I just I'm making the assumption that it's just like base level, like we're just buying the stuff that you know, both of you would normally buy anyway, it's not yeah, the upgrade. We're not going from having you know, a normal dinner to oh well, actually my housemate keeps putting salmon philets on the weekly grocery budget and I have to split that. Like, to me, that's a different story if they were expecting you to match their lifestyle.
Also she's texting you to say it's your turn for toilet paper.
I'm just setting carrying the mental load a little bit there too, because like I've been in that situation in a housemate setting where one person is always the one who notices that something's missing or notices that you're about to run out, and is therefore then the person who starts carrying the load, because they're always the one.
That goes, oh yeah, if she's texting you asking you to do it and you have yeah, you're right. I feel like the DM didn't expect us to have this response when what about your house mate?
Yeah?
But yeah, do you know what? I used to be the housemate that would text people be like, hey, it's your turn to X.
Yeah.
Also, as somebody who sometimes has earned more than some of my friends, I am so happy to be generous. I actually love it. I really love being able to be like, oh no, Beck, I'll grab a coffee or you know, oh Jess, I'll do this, Like that's fine. Second you expect it, I'll cut you off.
Yeah.
The second anybody's like, oh, well we can pay, I do not think so. Yeah, that is not how this relationship works.
That's so true. Does that make sense?
And I feel like that's a really common like if you're doing that to your housemate, your housemate has picked up on that vibe. If I was your housemate, I'd be like, no, got off?
So what did everyone else say, tod, we're being really gentle.
That so someone DMed us. I'm not even reading a lot of the responses that came through in our like our question box, because it's too short. Everybody actually just sent us along with the DM. So sit down. Oh hell no, she is financially responsible for her friends. Everyone has choices, and she chose to study in e minimal money wid Oh like, everyone does have choices, Like, of course you chose to study. Of course, the choice to
study means compromising other areas of your life. But I feel like it's just everyone's on a different journey and that's okay. I mean that was a aggressive response. That's fine. Someone else said, when you moved in with your housemate, you agreed to split expenses equally. If you don't have shared finances or financial goals, it needs to stay equal. Your housemates shouldn't have to carry more of a load
because they have more resources. It would be nice of them if they did, but they may be working hard towards a goal where every single saint counts. My husband can't work right now, and I pay for everything because we are a team and have entirely shared finances. But if he was my roommate, I wouldn't be paying his way. I know they may seem like small things, but if that's what you'd agreed on, you need to respect them
and their finances. I like the comment where she said, I'm paying for my husband for everything if he was my housemate.
Hell no, that's like a clear in my mind, there is a clear delineation between you working towards something with someone and you just kind of coexisting in the same space, and housemates are coexisting doing their best, but on their own path, and therefore you should be responsible for your and shit.
Yeah. Yeah.
Another person said in a sharehouse, split everything evenly and make a toilet paper roster. I feel like this is getting petty, like a star chart if they're like paper roster.
Like I have lived in a house with a star chart before.
No, you have not, have you? Yes, a star chart?
I implemented, that's really cute.
How did you get cute? You get to regressive as hell?
Jesse? Why did we have star charts?
There were two housemates who were doing it all, carrying the load, and there was one housemate who was just not at it with the naughty kid. Yeah, exactly, And it's when there are three girls sharing a bathroom. You know what, sometimes you just got to find a way to equalize it, because.
It's that's fair.
What do you get if you filled up your star chart?
Ah, when it wasn't that fun of a star chart. It was it if you get stars, it's that I did my chores this week. That's so cute. That's very embarrassing.
Hot girlshit, hot girl shit. All right, So this one in said in a sharehouse, split everything evenly and make a toilet paper roster. It helps people feel like they're not the only one buying, and you just get into a mechanical routine. It's not personal and not a repeated internal battle. Any super outstanding extras that only one person uses. So for example, my housemate has a car, so she
gets car space, they can pay extra. If it's only one slight, one person uses air con slightly more than the other, then that's just life, and it's fair to split it even at the end of the day. That's what you agreed to, regardless of incomes or whether someone is profiting slash playing less or more because they're subleasing.
That's a very thorough covers it all.
Yeah.
Someone then said I feel like the way or the tone of some of these messages is just not vibing with me, Like I feel like I'm being personally attacked.
Yeah, even though I'm not kind of scary. We've all had a shit housemate and it's.
Yeah, okay, So this one said your choices have left you with a lower income. That's not her responsibility to pay for you. I say this because I have been both the friends in this situation. She probably has goals and she shouldn't have to compromise them because you're a UNI student who just earns less. I'm saying this as I'm now a full time UNI student who actually earns seventy thousand dollars a year, which in itself is a
very privileged position to be. I like that you've disclaimed it that thank you, But I wouldn't expect my friends to be buying things for me just because they earn more, and being a UNI student working full time, it's really hard. I want to use any excess I have in my income to get a head in life and on myself, which I think is very fair.
Slong and short of it is, sorry to tell you this, but no, she's not in a favor, dole of favor.
Yeah, there were lots of other messages that said, this is gross, this is weird, this really irks me, And I think I think it does because, as you said, yes, we've all had a shitty housemate. Remember the time I told you about my housemate who decided to become vegan one weekend and throughout.
All of the food in my freeze us yea, yeah.
Like we've all been there, right. She also used to borrow my underwear, but that's a different story for a different very gay But I do think that that conversation, it kind of makes sense that it came up in our community because it's kind of like, oh, I can see why, you know, if you're in a position where you're like, oh, I'm just finding it really hard to make ends meat and she's not, Like I can see
why that's come up. Because we always have the conversation about equity versus equality in relationships, and I do believe that those things need to be taken into consideration. Like I don't believe that if your partner earns your your life partner earns more money than you, that it should be split fifty to fifty. I just don't think that that is an equitable way of creating I guess independence
and an equitable relationship. I do think that things should be split a little bit differently, but I do not believe that that should happen in a housemate situation. Like, you've got no idea. Also, you're only making that assumption because you know what she earns. Yeah, that circumstance would not be different if she'd never disclosed what she was earning and you just made an assumption she was also on thirty seven thousand dollars because she was in a
grab position, right, that wouldn't have come up. And money is private. Money is often really secret. Like, how do you know that your other housemate that is also UNI with you and you haven't spoken to her? You just assume she has not as much money as you. How do you know she doesn't have a trust fund? Yeah, and she's actually worth millions. She just hasn't said anything because she's managing her money. Well, maybe she's actually made
your business exactly. Maybe she's Beyonce and you just don't know. But like money and other people's money is none of your business unless they've chosen to share with you. And if they have shared that with you. It is a privilege that you shouldn't be abusing.
Yeah, good on you for thinking critically about finances, but on this one it is a no from us.
If we could get about Bao right here, that would be great.
Nah.
I like that.
I like the one we did.
Oh yes, self is nice. Sorry about so so, thank you so much writing and we really see where you're coming from. And I hope that we weren't too harsh. We were really harsh. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. Let's go all right, have a beautiful weekend.
Guys.
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